Project Coldfeet

Im gonna keep it a hunnit wit yall. this was originally going to be the patreon episode but the one we recorded that week was genuinely so bad we had to shelve it. Enjoy what is technically considered "premium content" :*

Derek you have to come back soon we're running dangerously low on Cheez-Itz and Fresca and none of us can remember how to get to the grocery store

derek is gone and were all very sad

This dude definitely set his phone up against a headstone to take his own picture

David Cross said the N-word (with an AH), Derek defends Seinfeld, Ian & Phil say many hateful things.

We're back. Well, some of us. We are going to be making podcast for you. You will see. it coming

Hey buddy, you just blow everybody in Twink town? 

Aurora is going elk hunting. Phil witnessed traffic death. Ian is mean to Derek about Minecraft. Wanna hear 2 episodes per week? Head on over to www.patreon.com/coldfeetpod

Just explain what is sooooo wrong with having a few beers and playing cards with my bros a 2 to 3 hundred times per month! www.patreon.com/coldfeetpod

What makes hims so magical?

The year is 1212 & god is sending her best & brightest little boys to politely ask the Saracens to return her son’s Cross.

The cows probably don’t welcome anyone

Ian died of AIDS, which is apparently the gayest thing you can do? Derek & Aurora press on into the void alone, learning many horrible things along the way :( Please consider helping us achieve our dream of sucking ass by going to patreon.com/lsld

Bears, vandalism, George Floyd

This episode is all about company bonding.

Do you wanna be in our foxhole??? Follow along at home for a lesson how how to interact with us in a way that doesn’t make u look like a little b*tch…

we didn’t know he was already dead, but at least he really lived. Everything we said on this episode, every single word, was a joke. We’re sowwy :/

We discuss our favorite marvel comedians, the global cabal, & depression. Also, jenny like definetly gave forrest aids right?

Derek isn’t doing so hot. Ian & Aurora try to help him by forcing him into an Illuminati humiliation ritual. Sit down, shoot up, & listen.

This is the “Fuck Ian” episode. Derek doesn’t have his medication & Aurora’s parents support her cam girl career.

Apparently Whale-Sharks are NOT mammals. Rather than being embarrassed by this factual mistake, Derek is going to use it as a learning experience. We are joined this week by friend of the pod & the only black man we know who cannot swim, Marcus!

monkeys wasnt meant to eat home made yogurt, even on Aurora’s birthday :/

On this episode, we discuss states’ rights. Featuring Edison!

Why come Rhinos got laid before Adam? God like straight up forgot 2 make bitches.

Goddamnit, we were born to kill. Ian flew to the sand place (sans box-cutter) to solve the crisis once & for all, so Derek & Aurora handled this one on their own. This is an older recording because right now we are too busy preparing for black history month.

Do your own research, we did!

Welcome to our end of the year, gang stalking, futanari extravaganza, end of the year big party bash! In this episode, the crew reads some Christmas fan fictions for you & Derek gets upset. We done hope you brought your own snacks.

Oh, it's just a walrus and you can see its asshole. There we are folks; this is the show now folks. Head on over to www.patreon.com/lsld for the gentile version of this episode.

Only the strong survive <3 www.patreon.com/lsld Use code "lsldpod" at mammothheadwear.com for a sweet discount on a big 'ol hat.

Monk cat never kills. Www.patreon.com/lsld got a big head to hold that big brain? Go to www.mammothheadwear.com and use code "lsldpod" at checkout

We are trying to break a generational curse: Our son is autistic and he has like, no brains at all? www.patreon.com/lsld

Grab a smoked turkey leg & watch these two fatsos fight to the death.

Ten points to Gryfindoor! www.patreon.com/LSLD

Eventually, we will pay for our sins. Put it on our tab.

So much has changed in the world since we recorded this. much lvoe all peace no more bomb If you want to hear the full episode: 1. Sneak into your mom's room, reach in her purse & grab that ornate wallet your dad bought her from Guatamala before he gambled away your college fund & ran away with that lot lizard (also from guatamala). 2. Hop onto your computer with uninhibited internet access & go to www.patreon.com/lsld, then pick one of those fun little tiers we have on there. 3. Enter in that really long number from the back of your mom's credit card & we PROMISE we will help you find your dad. go to mammothheadware.com & use code lsldpod @checkout for 10% of a big hat!

This episode may seem to indicate LSLD doesn’t “trust the science,” or is actively spreading vaccine “disinformation.” But, that is simply NOT true. We were just goofin. In fact, Derek believes in the vaccine soooo much that he purchased multiple fake ids just so he could go back & get more jabs to be extra safe.

Rora & D.G. are joined by good pal Matt as they learn fun new facts about the world around them! The Bodi tribe where size really does matter? ✓ Woman seeking worm? ✓ A shitty form of Edward Said's Orientalism? ✓ D.G. morphing into a cornered chihuahua? ✓ If you want to hear the uncensored cut: 1. Sneak into your mom's room, reach in her purse & grab that ornate wallet your dad bought her from Guatamala before he gambled away your college fund & ran away with that lot lizard (also from guatamala). 2. Hop onto your computer with uninhibited internet access & go to www.patreon.com/lsld, then pick one of those fun little tiers we have on there. 3. Enter in that really long number from the back of your mom's credit card & we PROMISE we will help you find your dad.

Ian & D.G. take it easy on this one. They discuss ethnic cuisine, the framing of Gary Busey, & the best Jeff Bridges' movies of all time. Hate the beeps? Wanna hear words instead? Head on over to www.patreon.com/lsld

Apparently, Picasso participated in the bukkake of conjoined twins? There's a lot going on in this one, including Rora making D.G. watch graphic pornographic material. Head on over to our patreon for the full episode.

Ermmm which the deuce? In this episode: Leo, Rora, & D.G. check in on Jared Subway, discuss the ramifications of Lizzo’s actions, & cover pretty much everything else there is to cover. Also, Leo tried to tell Rora & D.G. a story about some kind of gay space dog? But, they didn’t give a shit! It’s important to say, when D.G. & Rora do the Asian voices, they are doing it respectfully 🙏 only love for all of humankind. www.patreon.com/lsld

Hey, we like you. You've always been nice to us. Don't show up to Burning Man tomorrow. Patreon: www.patreon.com/lsld   —If we reach $100 per month on Patreon, we get to literally waterboard Ian & you get to watch. The Tube: www.youtube.com/channel/UCp6S357_vGPibWxtv83uo-A Twitter: @lsldpod —D.G.: @ibangmybros —Ian: @LSLDian —Leo: @Leonardcowalski (currently suspended but fighting the power behind bars  like Jack Unterweger) —Stasha: @stupid3m0kids Instagram: @lsldpod TikTok: @lsldpod (We strictly post PRC propaganda, but in fun, lighthearted way!) Promos: Do you have an abnormally large head & the cool, hip fashion hats you see others sporting just don't work for you? Go to: www.mammothheadwear.com & use code "LSLD" at checkout for a sweet ass discount (it's like 20% or something, I don't know, I forgot. I can't keep track of everything ok Debra? This goes towards those "child support payments" & the federal "government" has garnished my wages, are you fucking happy Deb? So please just buy a fucking hat. I don't even care if you wear it, order one & throw it in the trash please, I don't give a fucking shit. This is my only source of income & I swear I am one traumatic life event away from doing something incredibly unhinged). Ok, that should cover all of it. Love you bye!

Heads up, LSLDtards: Leo's audio is real quiet at the beginning there because he has no idea how to speak into a microphone (he is literally just a guy). However, we promise it improves as the 'sode progresses (progress is the pinnacle achievement for all logical life forms in the universe *praying hands emoji*) Rock, people, scissor! Wanna impress Us? find a pickle that turns himself into a scientist. We've got a doozy for you this week as D.G. & Leonard Cowalski (recently incarcerated in free speech maximum security prison by the cyberspace tyrant Lord Musk) get you caught up on everything you need to know, ever...about anything. You're going to want to put on your sportsball helmet as they dive into current events, a little based-ball, some riveting facts about the sovereign nation of Texas (read this as Tay-Haus, it's more humorous that way), & even suicide by ratatouille. Oh yeah, & they might just save the world; you're welcome, fucking neophytes. Patreon: www.patreon.com/lsld   —If we reach $100 per month on Patreon, we get to literally waterboard Ian & you get to watch. The Tube: www.youtube.com/channel/UCp6S357_vGPibWxtv83uo-A Twitter: @lsldpod —D.G.: @ibangmybros —Ian: @LSLDian —Leo: @Leonardcowalski (currently suspended but fighting the power behind bars  like Jack Unterweger) —Stasha: @stupid3m0kids Instagram: @lsldpod TikTok: @lsldpod (We strictly post PRC propaganda, but in fun, lighthearted way!) Promos: Do you have an abnormally large head & the cool, hip fashion hats you see others sporting just don't work for you? Go to: www.mammothheadwear.com & use code "LSLD" at checkout for a sweet ass discount (it's like 20% or something, I don't know, I forgot. I can't keep track of everything ok Debra? This goes towards those "child support payments" & the federal "government" has garnished my wages, are you fucking happy Deb? So please just buy a fucking hat. I don't even care if you wear it, order one & throw it in the trash please, I don't give a fucking shit. This is my only source of income & I swear I am one traumatic life event away from doing something incredibly unhinged). Ok, that should cover all of it. Love you, bye!

Well shoot, the guys really went ham with this 'sode? Look, there’s a lot going on with this one so I guess you’re just gonna have to listen & find out. Follow along as we definitively solve one of history's greatest mysteries, kidnap a celebrity, & deny Steve access to our institution of higher education. (Under no circumstances do we support giving Jared Fogle a second chance. But you have to admit, his story is reaaallly impressive if you sort of ignore the whole child porn thing) Patreon: www.patreon.com/lsld   --If we reach $100 per month on Patreon, we get to literally waterboard Ian & you get to watch. The Tube: www.youtube.com/channel/UCp6S357_vGPibWxtv83uo-A Twitter: @lsldpod --D.G.: @ibangmybros --Ian: @LSLDian --Leo: @Leonardcowalski (currently suspended but fighting the power behind bars like Jack Unterweger) --Steve: @skillamcdilla Instagram: @lsldpod TikTok: @lsldpod (We strictly post PRC propaganda, but in fun, lighthearted way!) Promos: Do you have an abnormally large head & the cool, hip fashion hats you see others sporting just don't work for you? Go to: www.mammothheadwear.com & use code "LSLD" at checkout for a sweet ass discount (it's like 20% or something, I don't know, I forgot. I can't keep track of everything ok Debra? This goes towards those "child support payments" & the federal "government" has garnished my wages, are you fucking happy Deb? So please just buy a fucking hat. I don't even care if you wear it, order one and throw it in the trash please, I don't give a fucking shit. This is my only source of income & I swear I am one traumatic life event away from doing something incredibly unhinged). Ok, that should cover all of it. Love you, bye!

We are so fucking back. On March 30, in the year 1970, 9 members of the Red Army Faction of the Japan Communist League hijacked Japan Air Lines Flight 351, a domestic flight from Tokyo to Fukuoka. However, as we all know, even the most well thought out plans can take a turn for North Korea! How is this happen? Listen & we will learn you. Patreon: www.patreon.com/lsld   --If we reach $100 per month on Patreon, we get to literally waterboard Ian & you get to watch. The Tube: www.youtube.com/channel/UCp6S357_vGPibWxtv83uo-A Twitter: @lsldpod --D.G.: @ibangmybros --Ian: @LSLDian --Leo: @Leonardcowalski (currently suspended but fighting the power behind bars  like Jack Unterweger) —Stasha: @stupid3m0kids —Steve: @skillamcdilla Instagram: @lsldpod TikTok: @lsldpod (We strictly post PRC propaganda, but in fun, lighthearted way!) Promos: Do you have an abnormally large head & the cool, hip fashion hats you see others sporting just don't work for you? Go to: www.mammothheadwear.com & use code "LSLD" at checkout for a sweet ass discount (it's like 20% or something, I don't know, I forgot. I can't keep track of everything ok Debra? This goes towards those "child support payments" & the federal "government" has garnished my wages, are you fucking happy Deb? So please just buy a fucking hat. I don't even care if you wear it, order one and throw it in the trash please, I don't give a fucking shit. This is my only source of income & I swear I am one traumatic life event away from doing something incredibly unhinged). Ok, that should cover all of it. Love you, bye!

Welcome to the Final Episode of LSLD's Black History Month Spectacular Extravaganza! Featuring returning guest, Edison Brown. It’s a little culture, it’s a little Robert Smalls, it’s a little bit of Steve’s trauma? Go on get, racism, you're outta here! Pay Edison reparations: @Edison-Brown  Patreon: www.patreon.com/lsld   --If we reach $100 per month on Patreon, we get to literally waterboard Ian & you get to watch. The Tube: www.youtube.com/channel/UCp6S357_vGPibWxtv83uo-A Twitter: @lsldpod --D.G.: @ibangmybros --Ian: @LSLDian --Leo: @Leonardcowalski (currently suspended but fighting the power behind bars  like Jack Unterweger) —Stasha: @stupid3m0kids —Steve: @skillamcdilla Instagram: @lsldpod TikTok: @lsldpod (We strictly post PRC propaganda, but in fun, lighthearted way!) Promos: Do you have an abnormally large head & the cool, hip fashion hats you see others sporting just don't work for you? Go to: www.mammothheadwear.com & use code "LSLD" at checkout for a sweet ass discount (it's like 10% or something, I don't know, I forgot. I can't keep track of everything ok Debra? This goes towards those "child support payments" & the federal "government" has garnished my wages, are you fucking happy Deb? So please just buy a fucking hat. I don't even care if you wear it, order one and throw it in the trash please, I don't give a fucking shit. This is my only source of income & I swear I am one traumatic life event away from doing something incredibly unhinged). Ok, that should cover all of it. Love you bye!

Welcome one, welcome all, to the 2nd official episode of Black History Month! We are joined this week by our very good friends Marcus Garrett of bigTINY improv & Willamette Weekly’s 2nd funniest person in Portland: Imani! Together, we cover a little hoodoo & a little High John the Conqueror…& a little Bill Cosby & Kobe? Here’s that article about Hoodoo & forensic science D.G. wouldn’t shut up about: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7219123/ Find Imani on Instagram: @imanidenae_ Patreon: www.patreon.com/lsld   --If we reach $100 per month on Patreon, we get to literally waterboard Ian & you get to watch. The Tube: www.youtube.com/channel/UCp6S357_vGPibWxtv83uo-A Twitter: @lsldpod --D.G.: @ibangmybros --Ian: @LSLDian --Leo: @Leonardcowalski (currently suspended but fighting the power behind bars  like Jack Unterweger) —Stasha: @stupid3m0kids —Steve: @skillamcdilla Instagram: @lsldpod TikTok: @lsldpod (We strictly post PRC propaganda, but in fun, lighthearted way!) Promos: Do you have an abnormally large head & the cool, hip fashion hats you see others sporting just don't work for you? Go to: www.mammothheadwear.com & use code "LSLD" at checkout for a sweet ass discount (it's like 10% or something, I don't know, I forgot. I can't keep track of everything ok Debra? This goes towards those "child support payments" & the federal "government" has garnished my wages, are you fucking happy Deb? So please just buy a fucking hat. I don't even care if you wear it, order one and throw it in the trash please, I don't give a fucking shit. This is my only source of income & I swear I am one traumatic life event away from doing something incredibly unhinged). Ok, that should cover all of it. Love you bye!

We did it, we solved racism. It was easy really; we simply had a black man whip D.G.. No need to thank us, but you are welcome. Happy Black History Month! We here at LSLD thought it would be fun to have an entire month featuring black voices in honor of this momentous February. With our very special guest Edison (he is black), we talk a little bit about the glaring lack of black history coverage in conventional American education. We also have a little fun covering some African-American folklore. You don’t wanna miss this one, because at the end we play our brand new, original gameshow: Who Can Say It?! (We have sent a trailer to every major television network, except for BET). Pay Edison reparations: @Edison-Brown Patreon: www.patreon.com/lsld   --If we reach $100 per month on Patreon, we get to literally waterboard Ian & you get to watch. The Tube: www.youtube.com/channel/UCp6S357_vGPibWxtv83uo-A Twitter: @lsldpod --D.G.: @ibangmybros --Ian: @LSLDian --Leo: @Leonardcowalski (currently suspended but fighting the power behind bars  like Jack Unterweger) —Stasha: @stupid3m0kids —Steve: @skillamcdilla Instagram: @lsldpod TikTok: @lsldpod (We strictly post PRC propaganda, but in fun, lighthearted way!) Promos: Do you have an abnormally large head & the cool, hip fashion hats you see others sporting just don't work for you? Go to: www.mammothheadwear.com & use code "LSLD" at checkout for a sweet ass discount (it's like 10% or something, I don't know, I forgot. I can't keep track of everything ok Debra? This goes towards those "child support payments" & the federal "government" has garnished my wages, are you fucking happy Deb? So please just buy a fucking hat. I don't even care if you wear it, order one and throw it in the trash please, I don't give a fucking shit. This is my only source of income & I swear I am one traumatic life event away from doing something incredibly unhinged). Ok, that should cover all of it. Love you bye!

We finally made it! Welcome to the very final installment of our riveting Dolphin Lab Saga, where we delve into the silly little psychonaut scientist behind it all. Look, we didn’t even want to do this one, but E.C.C.O. needed our help to save planet earth. This topic was supposed to be one episode and now it’s the reason D.G. has to see a therapist. Patreon: www.patreon.com/lsld   --If we reach $100 per month on Patreon, we get to literally waterboard Ian & you get to watch. The Tube: www.youtube.com/channel/UCp6S357_vGPibWxtv83uo-A Twitter: @lsldpod --D.G.: @ibangmybros --Ian: @LSLDian --Leo: @Leonardcowalski (currently suspended but fighting the power behind bars  like Jack Unterweger) —Stasha: @stupid3m0kids —Steve: @skillamcdilla Instagram: @lsldpod TikTok: @lsldpod (We strictly post PRC propaganda, but in fun, lighthearted way!) Promos: Do you have an abnormally large head & the cool, hip fashion hats you see others sporting just don't work for you? Go to: www.mammothheadwear.com & use code "LSLD" at checkout for a sweet ass discount (it's like 20% or something, I don't know, I forgot. I can't keep track of everything ok Debra? This goes towards those "child support payments" & the federal "government" has garnished my wages, are you fucking happy Deb? So please just buy a fucking hat. I don't even care if you wear it, order one & throw it in the trash please, I don't give a fucking shit. This is my only source of income & I swear I am one traumatic life event away from doing something incredibly unhinged). Ok, that should cover all of it. Love you bye!

Holy Mackerel!!! Can you believe we're already to the end of Peter's story, & the year 2022?!?!?! We sure have enjoyed teaching you about this wacky group of "scientists" & their kooky experiments with so many of god's beautiful creatures!  RIP in peace Chuggernaut, we miss you every single fucking day. P.s., at the end of this episode we watch a YouTube video and you can watch along with us! The link is at the bottom of this description. You can find it, you’re a big kid now. Just kidding it’s right here: https://youtu.be/ONhnEmoSRfk Patreon: www.patreon.com/lsld   --If we reach $100 per month on Patreon, we get to literally waterboard Ian & you get to watch. The Tube: www.youtube.com/channel/UCp6S357_vGPibWxtv83uo-A Twitter: @lsldpod --D.G.: @ibangmybros --Ian: @LSLDian --Leo: @Leonardcowalski (currently suspended but fighting the power behind bars  like Jack Unterweger) —Stasha: @stupid3m0kids —Steve: @skillamcdilla Instagram: @lsldpod TikTok: @lsldpod (We strictly post PRC propaganda, but in fun, lighthearted way!) Promos: Do you have an abnormally large head & the cool, hip fashion hats you see others sporting just don't work for you? Go to: www.mammothheadwear.com & use code "LSLD" at checkout for a sweet ass discount (it's like 20% or something, I don't know, I forgot. I can't keep track of everything ok Debra? This goes towards those "child support payments" & the federal "government" has garnished my wages, are you fucking happy Deb? So please just buy a fucking hat. I don't even care if you wear it, order one & throw it in the trash please, I don't give a fucking shit. This is my only source of income & I swear I am one traumatic life event away from doing something incredibly unhinged). Ok, that should cover all of it. Love you bye!

CONTENT WARNING!!!!!!!!!! (SA ON PEOPLE AND ANIMALS!!!!!) Join the gang for the second part of the Peter the Dolphin saga as they dive deep into the sensual details of Margaret & Peter’s relationship. LSLD leaves no underwater stone unturned, no dolphin unmilked, no mirror untested, & no listener unsatisfied (platonically & with consent). eeeeeeee eeee e eeeeeee eeeeeeee! That was dolphin speak for "DON'T STOP BELIEVING, I'M SO CLOSE! Patreon: www.patreon.com/lsld   --If we reach $100 per month on Patreon, we get to literally waterboard Ian & you get to watch. The Tube: www.youtube.com/channel/UCp6S357_vGPibWxtv83uo-A Twitter: @lsldpod --D.G.: @ibangmybros --Ian: @LSLDian --Leo: @Leonardcowalski (currently suspended but fighting the power behind bars  like Jack Unterweger) —Stasha: @stupid3m0kids —Steve: @skillamcdilla Instagram: @lsldpod TikTok: @lsldpod (We strictly post PRC propaganda, but in fun, lighthearted way!) Promos: Do you have an abnormally large head & the cool, hip fashion hats you see others sporting just don't work for you? Go to: www.mammothheadwear.com & use code "LSLD" at checkout for a sweet ass discount (it's like 20% or something, I don't know, I forgot. I can't keep track of everything ok Debra? This goes towards those "child support payments" & the federal "government" has garnished my wages, are you fucking happy Deb? So please just buy a fucking hat. I don't even care if you wear it, order one & throw it in the trash please, I don't give a fucking shit. This is my only source of income & I swear I am one traumatic life event away from doing something incredibly unhinged). Ok, that should cover all of it. Love you bye!