Reading The Bible With Dan

Dan is back this week to wrap up Elihu's insane rant to Job.

Elihu finally spits it the fuck out (kind of) in Job ch. 33. It's exactly as exciting as you'd think. 

We don't understand why the world hates women, Dan talks about his Sicilian ex-boss and we skip to the best part of Job where the speaker won't spit it the fuck out.

The first have gets weird with some existentialism and a noteable day for Dan. Then Job Ch. 12 happens and Dan decides he hates this entire god damned book now.

This week, Dan gets sick of Job's shit and skips to Ch. 11. He also digs into the truths of Donald Trump.

Good ol' emo Joe-b continues to be the goth child everyone hated growing up.

This week, Dan digs into cancel culture, Dave Chappelle's new special and the first 12 verses of chapter 9 in the book of Job.

We read Chapter 3 of the Book of Job where Job really leans in to his My Chemical Romance side. Follow along as a 1%'r whines about life being unfair.  

This week we return with the beginning of the most sadistic book of the old testament - Job. We also learn that Satan loves taking walks and Yahweh (unsurprisingly) is really god damned lazy.

In this episode we learn about Yahweh's attempt to give a warning to the nation of israel. In addition, we learn about how bad I am on a date, and Notre Dame Cathedral. Enjoy!

Hello all, In this episode we read half of chapter 11 of Ezekiel. Enjoy!

Hello friends, In this episode we are reading Chapter 10 of Ezekiel which is more of the old testament's greatest acid trip. In addition, I discuss in not very great detail what I've been doing for the last year. Enjoy!

Recorded live at Helium comedy club on 12/29/18.    

Hello friends, In this episode I only manage to read 4 verses of Ezekiel in about an hour. The rest is just me talking about shit. If that sounds good to you, awesome. If not, then maybe skip this one as it will be disappointing. Enjoy I Hope!

Hello friends, In this weeks episode we read the first half of chapter 7 of Ezekiel. In addition we learn about home schooling, why me looking good with a cane isn't the best and worst way to die. Enjoy!

Hello all, Thanks to producer extraordinaire Randy, I can share with all of you the audio from the live show at Helium Comedy Club in Portland Oregon recorded right before Christmas. It was a great show, I hope you enjoy it. In order the save the audio, some of the residual laughs from the audience got lost. Sorry about that. Also, sorry I didn't publish anything on Wednesday. I got hit by a car on Tuesday night and have been dealing with that bullshit.

Hello friends, In this weeks episode we read half of Chapter 5 of Ezekiel where Yahweh continues to torture Ezekiel for pretty much no reason at all. In addition we learn about being undeniable, why Oprah probably wouldn't be a great president and the worst way to shave. Enjoy!

Hello friends, This episode is the audio of a show I did at Open Signal here in Portland for viewing on the local public access channels. We read about a chapter and half of The Book of Job. In addition, we talk about catch phrases, taking bad news poorly and there is an easter egg you can find near the end. Enjoy

Hello all, In this episode we read Chapter 4 of Ezekiel, where Yahweh forces Ezekiel to lay on his side, eat starvation rations of crackers cooked of a fire build with dried shit and play army men against a toy Jerusalem. In addition we learn about why I don't like knee jerk libertarian comedians, my opinions on net neutrality and Track Palin goin' off the rails on his old man. Enjoy!

Hello all, In this episode we finish reading Ezekiel Ch 3, where Yahweh gives Ezekiel an impossible task. In addition I rant about Ron Moore (thank you Alabama for not electing that pile of shit), my new girlfriend (thank you Danni Zamudio for being fucking amazing) and the difficulties of being a Televangelist before television. Enjoy! PS - Please come to Helium Comedy Club on 12/20 at 8PM to hear me and a bunch of my funny friends read the story of Samson for Christmas.

Hello all, In this weeks episode, I am proud to present my segment from the first annual Portland Podcast Festival held on 12/2. In it I read John 3:16 the Christian's number one campaign slogan. In addition we learn about god's "love", how bad a salesman Jesus was and what is the best possible afterlife. Enjoy!

Hello all, In this weeks episode we read the first half of Ezekiel Ch 3. In addition we learn about how dope the Portland Podcast Festival was, the death of the American Dream and a magic scroll human centipede. Enjoy!

Hello all, In this episode we read Ezekiel chapter 2, where Yahweh gives Ezekiel an offer he really, really can't refuse. In addition we learn about why normalizing Nazis is stupid, open mic crazy people and which character I would be in the Breakfast Club. Enjoy!

Hello friends, In this episode we read the second half of chapter 1 of the book of Ezekiel. In addition we learn about John Grisham being a gross pile of shit, who some of my favorite comedians are and why I always ask if I can kiss someone. Enjoy!

Hello friends, In this episode we start reading the Book of Ezekiel which opens with a scene from a metal video. In addition we learn about the death threat glass ceiling, Fox News making sense and why rock and roll can save your psyche. Enjoy

Hello all, In this episode we read chapter 6 of Psalms where David gets more weepy than ever before. In addition we learn about not killing yourself, old money complaints and why Manafort will probably be just fine. Enjoy

Hello friends, In this episode we read chapter 5 of the Book of Psalms where David orders Yahweh more. In addition we talk about #metoo, what I would do with a trillion dollars and throat tombs. Enjoy!

Hello all,     In this episode we read chapter 4 of the Book of Psalms. In addition, we learn about the horrific assault rifle scam, Pat Roberson's horrifying commentary and why Libertarian Christians are the fucking worst. Enjoy!

Hello friends, Recorded live at Kelly's Olympian in Downtown Portland, a group of friends and I read Judges 11 where a man makes the worst deal in human history with Yahweh. In addition, we learn about my odd knowledge of Drake, why tambourines suck and the value of an big head start. Enjoy! Included on the panel are: Adam Pasi, David Mascorro, Kelly Richardson, Alex Rios, Trevor Thorpe, and Cait Weierhauser.

Hello all, In this weeks episode I talk a lot about myself, the last twelve months of my life and living life in defiance. Also we read chapter 3 of Psalms where David brags about his bodyguard Yahweh. Thank you for listening.

Hello friends, In this episode we read Psalms Ch 2, where shitty King David tells nations how they should behave. In addition we learn about proper nuclear apocalypse etiquette, old testament bad publicity and one of the best ways to die. Enjoy!

Hello all, In this episode we read the first part of the Book of Daniel Chapter 3, where Nebuchadnezzar makes himself the King of Music. In addition we learn about needless pamphlets, being a coward and why there will eventually be an execution at burning man. Enjoy!

Hello all, In this episode we finish reading chapter 2 of the Book Of Daniel where Daniel managed to lie as effectively as anyone in human history. In addition, we learn about why leaders are weird, the non value of being wise and why incense was the greatest gift you could someone in the time of the Old Testament. Enjoy!

Hello All, In this live recorded episode, we learn about the last supper and the trial of Jesus. In addition, we learn a great deal about feet, Bill Cosby and how improve doomed Jesus to death. Enjoy!

Hello all, In this episode we read Daniel Ch 02 where the king has a bad dream and then makes everyone else have a terrible day. In addition we learn about when it would be OK to steal material, why have an occupassion is fine and the value of listening. Enjoy!

Hello friends, In this much belated episode we read the Book of Daniel Chapter 01. We also talk about King Trump, why being a billionaire in ancient times sucked and the value of lying your ass off. Enjoy!