The Family Matters Show

When people think about separation, they often imagine conflict — lawyers on opposite sides, fighting it out on behalf of their clients. But in family law, that adversarial mindset doesn’t always lead to the best outcomes.  In this episode, Ben and Heather chat to Marius Eden from Ramsden Family Law about how strong professional relationships with "opposing" counsel can make a real difference to how clients experience separation, both legally and emotionally.Topics discussed include:What does collaboration between opposing solicitors look like...and what does it not involve?The importance of professional respect in achieving good outcomes for both sides.How solicitors can handle genuine disagreement without becoming adversarial.How the way lawyers communicate influences whether a matter becomes combative.Are there situations where collaboration is not appropriate, and how to recognise and manage these?

People don’t usually walk into a family lawyer’s office asking how to reflect and evolve—but in our experience, a failure to learn from past relationships is often what brings people back. Again and again.In this episode, Ben and Heather talk to Dr. Robyn Goodwin, a clinical psychologist from LSC Psychology in Sydney, to explore how to learn from broken relationships so you can move forward with clarity and reassurance.Topics covered include:How strong emotions can get in the way of reflection and growthHow to "process" those emotionsHow to reflect on what went wrongHow to avoid blame and self blameThe impact of repeating the same relationship patternsHow to recognise when you're travelling down the same old roadAdvice for someone who feels stuck - like they can't get over past relationshipsLearning resources and advice for moving forward

Even for those who are relatively well-off, accessing joint assets during separation can be difficult—so where does the money come from to fund your life, legal expenses and basic needs in the meantime?Ben and Heather are joined by Amanda Kerdel from JustFund, Australia's leading provider of family law and estate finance, to discuss the options available for funding your divorce or separation.Topics covered include:Costs - what are the common expenses, and what's a ballpark range for typical separation costs?Shared assets - can these be used, and what may prevent the use of shared assetsBorrowing from family/friends/banks - the pros and consLitigation finance:Heather and Amanda share stories of how litigation finance is helping people to achieve justice

We’re revisiting one of our most popular early episodes — Getting a Fair Property Settlement.Everyone going through a separation wants a fair outcome. The challenge is that your idea of “fair” and your ex-partner’s can be very different — and emotions or past hurts often get in the way.In this episode, family law expert Heather McKinnon shares her top tips for reaching a fair financial settlement without unnecessary conflict or cost. Her practical advice remains just as relevant today as when we first aired this episode.Key takeaways include:Agree early on what property and liabilities you both have.Do your due diligence — know your own and your ex-partner’s financial position.If you can’t agree on an asset’s value, agree to get a valuer.Don’t let emotional attachment block a sensible outcome.Get early legal advice to understand your best- and worst-case scenarios.Focus on fairness, not punishment.Consider a financial planner for fresh ideas and solutions.Mediate once both parties understand the full asset picture.Keep communication open.Wait 3–6 months after separation before finalising finances.

With the holiday season just around the corner, we’re bringing back a very popular episode from 2022 featuring Elisabeth Shaw, CEO of Relationships Australia NSW.Elisabeth is also a highly experienced clinical and counselling psychologist, specialising in couple and family therapy, with more than 25 years of wisdom to share.In this episode, Elisabeth offers thoughtful and practical advice for anyone navigating the festive season after a separation or divorce—a time that can bring up all kinds of emotions and logistical challenges.We cover a wide range of topics, including:Why the holidays tend to heighten emotions and strain relationshipsThe emotional impact of your first major holiday without your ex—and how to manage itStrategies for negotiating holiday arrangements for childrenHelping kids handle their own feelings around the seasonWhat to do if you're planning to travel with the kidsCoping with loneliness or resentment if you’re spending the holiday aloneAnd how to navigate holidays with adult children post-separationToward the end of the episode, Ben asks both Elisabeth and Heather for their one key piece of advice for couples facing their first Christmas apart—so be sure to stay tuned right through to the end.

In this episode of The Family Matters Show, Ben and Heather answer real questions from the Coffs Coast community - questions that might be on your mind too.Can I force the sale of a jointly owned home if we’ve only lived together 18 months?What can I do if my ex is demanding too much and I can’t afford legal fees?Do we really have to split parenting time 50/50?Can I stop my ex from introducing the kids to a new partner after just a few weeks?What are my options if my ex has stopped paying child support?Should my HECS debt be considered in our property settlement?What can I do if I suspect my ex is hiding business assets?If you’ve been asking yourself any of these questions, this episode is packed with clear, practical answers.

Ben and Heather are joined by Craig Budden from Aussie Home Loans in Coffs Harbour to discuss the tricky business of getting finance after separation.Topic covered include:The major challenges in getting finance post-separationCredit scores: what are they and how can divorce impact on your scoreHow to rebuild your credit score if it takes a hit after separationDo banks count child support or spousal maintenance when calculating your income?Buying a new property if your name is still on a joint mortgage for the family homeRemoving your ex's name from the joint mortgage if they stop making paymentsWhat banks look for if you want to buy out your ex's share of the family homeIs it possible and/or reasonable to maintain a joint mortgage after separation?Options for single parents seeking a home loanThe Family Home Guarantee scheme - what is it and who's eligible?Top tips from Craig, Ben & Heather when seeking finance after separation

Ben and Heather talk about the contributions to a marriage that can be factored into a property settlement, focusing on the non-financial contributions which can easily be missed. Together they discuss the following:The legal definition of "contributions"Step-children - parenting and paying for other people's childrenStay-at-home parentsPutting a partner through educationLiving rent-free with the in-lawsHow to ensure that all your contributions are considered in the property settlement

Ben and Heather are joined by Klaudia Gebert, psychologist and founder of Self Reflection, to talk about transitioning to a single person after separation. Topics discussed include:Grieving the loss of your marriage/relationshipOvercoming lonelinessWhat people with multiple separations may be doing wrongRegaining purpose after separationWhere to look for support with reinventing yourselfCasual dating after separationFinding love again after separation

Ben and Heather speak to the Practice Specialist (Counselling) at Relationships Australia NSW about how to know if your relationship is salvageable. Sandra is a psychologist with a Masters in Couple and Family Therapy and years of experience in relationship counselling. She helps tease out answers to the following questions. If someone has started thinking about separation but hasn't yet spoken to their partner, what's the first thing they should do? What sorts of questions should someone ask themselves if trying to decide whether their relationship is worth saving? How can a psychologist or counsellor help in making the right decision? What are the signs that a relationship is really over? What are the signs it's worth trying again? If the relationship is worth saving, what should I be doing?Sandra also considers 3 different scenarios and provides her thoughts on whether the relationship can move forward under these circumstances.

The Family Law Amendment Act 2023 was passed through parliament in October 2023 and took effect on 6 May 2024. The Act involves changes to how the Courts will make parenting orders in the "best interest of the child" and challenges the assumption of week-on week-off parenting post-separation. In this episode, Ben and Heather discuss (and sometimes debate) the need for and impact of the changes.

Ben and Heather have their eighth session answering questions from the Coffs Coast community - and there were some good ones this time.  Here are the topics covered:Can I get divorced in Australia if I married in another country?When does a de facto relationship (same-sex or heterosexual) begin from a legal perspective?Does the Family Court ever award costs to one partner if the other is being unreasonable?How will an expected inheritance be treated in the property settlement?Can my ex-partner prevent me from finding a good family lawyer by lawyer-shopping?Can I get financing for a family law court case?What happens when you can't agree on schooling for the kids?How can you prevent your ex from showing up at the family home unannounced?Episode note (important): This episode includes discussion of parenting arrangements and property matters in response to listener questions. Parenting issues are discussed at a time when recent changes to family law provisions (commencing on 6 May 2024) were still being implemented and interpreted, so some legal references in these parts of the episode may now be out of date or incomplete. Property matters are discussed before changes to property settlement provisions commenced on 10 June 2025, so some legal references in those parts of the episode may now be out of date. Please seek current legal advice and refer to the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia and Attorney-General’s Department resources for the latest information.

While the overall divorce rate in Australia is declining, there is an upward trend in divorce in couples over 50.  Ben and Heather talk about this phenomenon on this podcast and some of the unique complications that arise when calling quits on a long term relationship.Topics covered include:Why the divorce rate is rising for older Australians.Dividing assets at the end of a long term relationship, includingHow the Court deals with health discrepancies.Advice for women to ensure their retirement needs are met.Child support for adult children.The value (or otherwise) of a pre-nuptial agreement when re-partnering.Episode note (important): This episode was recorded before changes to property settlement provisions commenced on 10 June 2025. The way the Court determines a just and equitable outcome in property matters has been updated since this recording, so some legal references in this episode may now be out of date. Please seek current legal advice and refer to the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia and Attorney-General’s Department resources for the latest information.

Ben and Heather welcome special guest forensic psychologist Dr Robert Simon from San Diego California to talk about resist/refuse behaviour in children, including the heated subject of parental alienation.  Dr Simon is a specialist in child custody matters in the United States and is renowned for his expertise in parent/child contact problems.  He provides an excellent overview of the most common reasons for resist/refuse behaviour, and makes it clear that parental alienation is not the most common cause.Topics discussed include:The difference between a clinical and forensic psychologist.The three main reasons for parent/child contact problems:The impact of wrongfully identifying the nature of parent/child contact problems.The Australian Family Law Court's approach to parent/child contact problems.Episode note (important): This episode was recorded before changes to Australia’s family law parenting provisions commenced on 6 May 2024. The way the Court approaches “best interests of the child” and related parenting concepts has been updated since this recording, so some legal references in this episode may now be out of date. Please seek current legal advice and refer to the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia and Attorney-General’s Department resources for the latest information.

Ben and Heather have put together a "top 10" list of mistakes people make when it comes to child custody disputes.  In this episode they explain why each of these is a mistake and what you could consider doing instead. Bad-mouthing the other parent – especially in front of your child. Trying to make your child feel sorry for you. Refusing to communicate with the other parent. Denying the other parent access to their child. Putting your own interests ahead of your child’s. Making big decisions about your child without consulting the other parent – ie/ school, medical treatment, place of residence. Telling your child that they get to choose their living arrangements. Lying to the court about your drug or alcohol use. Coaching your child before family report interviews. Breaching court orders.

In this episode Ben and Heather are joined by barrister Rhys O'Brien, a specialist in complex family law matters, to talk about how the Court deals with Domestic Violence (Family Violence).  They cover a wide range of topics, including the following:The difference between how a Family Law Court and a Criminal Court view domestic violence.Apprended Violence Orders (AVOs)Does there need to be an AVO in place before the Family Court considers domestic violence claims?What evidence does the Family Court need to satisfy itself that domestic violence is an issue?Will the court require Family Dispute Resolution (mediation) in domestic violence cases?How do accusations of domestic violence affect Parenting Order decisions?Can domestic violence claims impact a Court's decision about a financial settlement?Also discussed was the Family Law Amendment Bill that has been passed through Parliament and will take effect in May 2024 and includes a "streamlined" parenting framework simplifying the "best interests factors".  This legislation may impact how the Court deals with domestic violence issues when deciding children's matters.Episode note (important): This episode was recorded before changes to Australia’s family law parenting provisions commenced on 6 May 2024. The way the Court approaches “best interests of the child” and related parenting concepts has been updated since this recording, so some legal references in this episode may now be out of date. Please seek current legal advice and refer to the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia and Attorney-General’s Department resources for the latest information.

This month Ben and Heather addressed a wide array of family law questions from the community, touching on a number of common issues faced by people going through divorce and separation.The questions included:Medical Court Orders: I have court orders giving me sole parental responsibility for my child's medical matters, but the medical centre is still allowing my ex to make decisions.  What should I do?Passport Applications: I want to go overseas with my child, but my ex won't sign the passport application.  What can I do?Visitation in Prison:  My ex has gone to prison recently.  Can I prevent future visitation by my children?Mediation Costs: It's been recommended that I have a solicitor & a barrister at mediation.  Do I need to go to this expense?Domestic Violence: I failed to show up at to court when police charged my ex for domestic violence.  Will this count against me in Family Court?Relocation: My partner is relocating.  Do we need to get a lawyer involved to change parenting arrangements?Property Settlement: If I buy a new car before the property settlement is completed can my ex make a claim on the car?Advising Your Ex: Do I have to advise my ex that I've enrolled our child in daycare, when the child lives with me 100% of the time and I'm paying the costs?Supervised Visits: At what age can a child choose not to attend supervised visits?Episode note (important): This episode includes discussion of parenting arrangements and property matters in response to listener questions, recorded before changes to family law provisions commenced on 6 May 2024 (parenting) and 10 June 2025 (property). The way the Court approaches these issues has been updated since this recording, so some legal references in these parts of the episode may now be out of date. Please seek current legal advice and refer to the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia and Attorney-General’s Department resources for the latest information.

On this episode, Ben and Heather were joined by The Honourable Colin Forrest.  Now retired from the Family Court, Colin now handles mediation and arbitration in family law.  We spoke to him about the delicate subject of managing power imbalances, and potentially domestic violence situations, in mediation and arbitration sessions.  Our discussions covered the following subjects: The difference between mediation and arbitration in family law. Whether you can be ordered to engage in mediation or arbitration. How a mediator/arbitrator will identify signs of abuse or power imbalance. Should domestic violence victims avoid mediation or arbitration? How are power imbalances dealt with in a mediation or arbitration setting? What about other vulnerabilities, such as mental health or disability? What does a mediator do if they sense fear or intimidation in a session? What happens if a court-ordered Family Dispute Resolution does not proceed? What are the advantages and disadvantages of online mediation/arbitration? Is a support person helpful in a mediation/arbitration?

On this episode, Ben and Heather are joined by two special guests to discuss the growth of specialist Indigenous family courts, known as Indigenous List.  Retired Federal Circuit Court Judge Robyn Sexton started the very first Indigenous List in Sydney in 2014.  Rick Welsh is proud Murrawarri man and coordinator of The Shed suicide prevention centre focused on Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people.  These two worked together to design and implement a specialist Indigenous family law court.  Together they discuss the following:What is the Indigenous List?Why is there a need for a separate court process?How was the Indigenous community engaged with the set-up of the court?Are kin carers treated differently on the Indigenous List than in regular family court?Local experiences with the Indigenous List in Coffs Harbour and Lismore.What services are available to First Nations litigants other than those provided by the courts?How is the introduction of the Indigenous List impacting First Nations families?Episode note (important): This episode was recorded before changes to the structure and processes of the Federal Circuit and Family Court in 2021, so some references to court procedures may now be different. Please seek current legal advice and refer to the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia and Attorney-General’s Department resources for the latest information.

On this episode, Ben and Heather discuss Wills and estate planning, bringing our attention to the many things that can go wrong if you fail to keep your Will and estate plan up to date with your life circumstances, particularly following a family breakdown. They discuss the following questions and scenarios: 1/ What happens if you die without a Will? 2/ What happens if you have children from your first marriage, remarry and don't change your Will? 3/ What happens if you separate from your partner, but don't change your Will? 4/ What happens if you divorce your partner, but don't change your Will? 5/ What if you have children, but don't change your Will to include them as beneficiaries? 6/ What if you have children and don't specify guardianship? 7/ When you change your Will can you add notes to an existing Will or do you need to start again? 8/ What assets should (and should not) be included in your Will? 9/ What happens if the estate has debts? 10/ What are the responsibilities of an executor and what should you look for when choosing your executor? 11/ What happens if you have a serious accident or illness that leaves you unable to manage your affairs? 12/ Do you need a lawyer for estate planning or can you DIY?

This month, Ben and Heather were joined by experienced  clinical psychologist Warwick McClelland to talk about divorce and separation when children with special needs are involved.  Topics covered include:Talking to children with neurodiversity about divorce and separation.Types of living arrangements post-divorce that work best for children with special needs.How the Family Court decides parenting arrangements for families with special needs children.How Court decisions for special needs children impact on siblings.How parents can help special needs children adapt to new living arrangements.Parentification and whether this is more common in solo parent households.How Courts determine who has the right to make medical decisions for a special needs child.Whether parents have a right to dispute medical decisions made by their ex-partner.Episode note (important): This episode was recorded before changes to Australia’s family law parenting provisions commenced on 6 May 2024. The way the Court approaches “best interests of the child” and related parenting concepts has been updated since this recording, so some legal references in this episode may now be out of date. Please seek current legal advice and refer to the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia and Attorney-General’s Department resources for the latest information.

This month, Ben and Heather delved into the topic of de facto relationships, answering the following questions:What is a de facto relationship?How long do you have to live together to be in a de facto relationship?How does the law decide when the de facto relationship starts and ends?What does the Court consider when deciding if a de facto relationship exists?Is it possible to be in a de facto relationship and not be living together?Is it possible to be in a de facto relationship while married to someone else?Do you need to register a de facto relationship?Is a de facto relationship any different to a marriage under the law?Does the law treat a same sex de facto relationship any differently than a heterosexual de facto?Does the law treat property disputes any differently for a de facto relationship versus a marriage?Does the law treat children's matters any differently for a de facto relationship versus a marriage?Can I apply for spousal maintenance after a de facto relationship?Should I get a pre-nup or financial agreement before entering a de facto relationship?Episode note (important): This episode was recorded before changes to property settlement provisions commenced on 10 June 2025. The way the Court determines a just and equitable outcome in property matters has been updated since this recording, so some legal references in this episode may now be out of date. Please seek current legal advice and refer to the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia and Attorney-General’s Department resources for the latest information.

Property settlement is one of the first things that separating couples need to deal with, and often one of the most emotional.  In this episode, Ben and Heather answer the top six most commonly asked questions on property settlement.  Over the years Ben and Heather have dealt with so many questions about property settlement, both in their practice and through the podcast.  They have whittled down those questions to the 6 most frequently asked and on today's show provide you with answers.  Here are the six questions:When should I start the property settlement process and how long does it take for the assets to be divided?What sorts of things get included in a property settlement and how is this agreed?What share am I going to get? Is it always the case that property is divided 50/50?Can I be forced to sell the family home?How does the Court decide who gets what in a property settlement?Do I really need to pay lawyers to formalise my property settlement?Episode note (important): This episode was recorded before changes to property settlement provisions commenced on 10 June 2025. The way the Court determines a just and equitable outcome in property matters has been updated since this recording, so some legal references in this episode may now be out of date. Please seek current legal advice and refer to the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia and Attorney-General’s Department resources for the latest information.

Ben and Heather discuss same-sex separation together with clinical psychologist Dr. Catherine Boland.  The founder of Relationspace, a team of skilled professionals helping people going through divorce to better manage their circumstances and protect the psychological health of their children, Catherine is ideally placed to provide insights into the social science side of separation.  While Heather answers the more technically legal questions.The team cover the following topics and questions:At what point does a same-sex relationship become recognised as a de facto relationshipDoes the Family Law Act treat same-sex couples any differently than heterosexual couples when it comes to property settlement disputes?How does the law treat a non-biological parent when a same sex family separate?Does biology create emotional/psychological barriers to reaching parenting agreements between same sex couples?When it comes to the fundamentals of "in the best interest of the child" does the Court view same-sex couples any differently than heterosexual families when making parenting decisions?What if a lesbian couple has a sperm donor who has been involved in the life of the child? Does the sperm donor have parenting rights post-separation?If a same-sex family includes children from a previous heterosexual relationship, does the step-parent have parenting rights?Episode note (important): This episode was recorded before changes to Australia’s family law parenting provisions commenced on 6 May 2024. The way the Court approaches “best interests of the child” and related parenting concepts has been updated since this recording, so some legal references in this episode may now be out of date. Please seek current legal advice and refer to the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia and Attorney-General’s Department resources for the latest information.

Ben and Heather welcome Dr Atina Manvelian, a psychologist and clinical scientist. As a postdoctoral researcher at Stony Brook University and Stanford University, she studies how our relationships impact our mental health and conducts research on how we can improve the quality of our relationships. Of particular interest for our listeners is Dr Manvelian's specialty in adjustment following a breakup or divorce. So she is the perfect guest to help tackle the topic of how to make separation actually work. This episode deals with the following questions: 1. What does a "good" separation look like? 2. How separations can get off on the wrong foot when one person has been thinking about separation for a long time and the other is taken by surprise. 3. How can couples avoid getting into a spiral of anger and blame that will be hard to unwind. 4. Managing a solo life and dealing with loneliness. 5. Is it possible to re-partner too quickly? 6. How to cope with the emotions that arise when your ex re-partners. 7. How separating couples should talk to their children about separation. 8. The importance of boundaries, how to set them and stick to them. At the end of the episode, Dr Manvelian gives us her top three tips on making separation work. Not to be missed!

This month Ben and Heather addressed a wide array of family law questions from the community, touching on a number of common issues faced by people going through divorce and separation.The questions included:Starting out: I'm thinking about separating but haven't yet spoken to my partner about it. Is there anything you recommend I do before I speak to my partner?Property settlement timing (myth busting): I don't think I can wait until the 12-month separation period is up to apply for divorce. What can I do?Parenting decisions:  Can my husband force my kids into boarding school?Property division: My partner moved into my house six years ago.  Is she now entitled to a 50/50 split?Child custody adolescents: My 15-year-old son has indicated he wants to live with me full time and my ex refuses.  What can I do?Parenting Orders: Do we have to have a Parenting Order, or can we just figure out our own custody arrangements?Child Support:  Can I stop child support payments now that my ex is marrying someone wealthy?Episode note (important): This episode includes discussion of property settlement and parenting arrangements in response to listener questions, recorded before changes to family law provisions commenced on 6 May 2024 (parenting) and 10 June 2025 (property). The way the Court approaches these issues has been updated since this recording, so some legal references in these parts of the episode may now be out of date. Please seek current legal advice and refer to the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia and Attorney-General’s Department resources for the latest information.

Gemma Rope, solicitor with Bryant McKinnon is our guest host for this episode.  She and Heather welcome psychologist and mediator Anthony Smith to talk about how to make mediation work.  With over 25 years and 2000 mediations under his belt, Anthony calls on his experience to provide tips and advice that will help to realise positive outcomes in family law mediation. Topics and questions covered include: The ways that family law disputes about property and children can be mediated. The best approach to mediation. Choosing the right mediator. When to start the mediation process. How mediation differs from counselling. Whether or not to include children in a mediation process. When mediation is not appropriate. Legally assisted mediation: how does it differ from other types of mediation? Effectiveness of mediation when parties just want to get to Court. Top 3 recommendations to ensure that mediation actually works. The show also makes a strong case for why it's worth making mediation work and avoiding the emotional and financial costs of Court.

In family law matters the sale of the family home is often the most difficult and emotional part of the separation process.  And everything is just that much harder in the current environment, with rising interest rates and inflation making the entire market uncertain.For regional families things are even more opaque, because so much of what we see on social media or television relates to big city real estate markets.  So it can be difficult to figure out the local dynamics.To help our Coffs Coast listeners get a handle on the market and the issues related to selling a home after separation, Ben and Heather welcome two local experts.Stacey Parks is a Certified Practising Valuer with property valuation specialists Herron Todd White.  Craig Gardner is a partner and sales agent for Coffs Coast realtor Nolan Partners.  Collectively this foursome provide some insights into the following commonly asked questions.What factors influence the housing market on the Coffs Coast?At a time (like now) when housing prices are uncertain is it better to sell or wait it out?How does a valuer go about valuing real estate in an uncertain market?Has the method of selling a home shifted in recent years?  Are we seeing more or less auctions or private sales?If you are separating when the market is uncertain, does it matter whether you sell the house before or after divorce?What if you want to sell quickly but your partner refuses to sell?  Is there anything you can do?Can a realtor put a home on the market if only one joint owner requests the sale?What happens if joint owners can't agree on the listing price?What happens if joint owners can't agree on auction day?What are the key factors in valuing property?How does a valuer value property when one partner is buying out the other?What if you can't afford to buy out your ex but you also don't want to sell the family home.  Are there options?Episode note (important): This episode was recorded before changes to property settlement provisions commenced on 10 June 2025. The way the Court determines a just and equitable outcome in property matters has been updated since this recording, so some legal references in this episode may now be out of date. Please seek current legal advice and refer to the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia and Attorney-General’s Department resources for the latest information.

With the holiday season approaching, Ben and Heather turn their attention to coping with holidays after separation or divorce.  To help them deal with this highly emotive issue, they welcome back to the program Elisabeth Shaw, CEO of Relationships Australia NSW.  Elisabeth is also a clinical and counselling psychologist with a specialty in couple and family therapy with over 25 years experience to share with our listeners. Topics covered include: Why the holidays almost always seem to cause raised emotions and relationship difficulties. What emotions are most likely to arise when facing your first major holiday without your ex, and how to deal with them. Advice on how to agree on arrangements for children over the holidays. Helping children to deal with their emotions when facing their first holiday with separated parents. Taking kids away for the holidays - how to handle this with your ex. How to avoid feeling anxious and resentful when left alone over a major holiday. Dealing with adult children following separation. At the end of the show Ben asked both Elisabeth and Heather for their one piece of advice for newly separated couples facing their first Christmas apart.  So make sure you listen to the conclusion of this episode!

This month Ben and Heather talk to toxicologist and forensic medicine specialist Professor Edward Ogden about substance abuse and family law.  Professor Ogden has been studying the impact of drugs and alcohol for over 40 years.  He is Deputy Director of the Centre for Human Psychopharmacology at Swinburne University, Addiction Medicine Specialist for Goulburn Valley Health and St Vincent's Hospital in Melbourne and a forensic medical consultant with Clinical Forensic Medicine. Professor Ogden shares his experience and knowledge on the impacts of drug and alcohol misuse and methods of testing.  He and Heather McKinnon also discuss why drug and alcohol misuse if a concern in family law cases and how the Court deals with substance abuse claims. The show deals with the following areas: The science of toxicology. The most common drugs affecting our community. Why people abuse drugs and alcohol. The relevance of substance abuse in family law matters. How the Family Court deals with substance abuse allegations. Types of testing used to measure drug abuse, including:Urine and breath tests, Carbohydrate Deficiency Transfer (CDT) test, hair testing Possible means of contaminating drug tests, including: Shaving or using hair dyes before a hair test, claiming the drug got into your system from the environment, claiming your prescription drug was mistaken for an illicit substance, drinking large amounts of water before a urine test

Ben talks to Sydney-based barrister Louise Goodchild and solicitor and colleague Gemma Rope about the importance of estate planning during and after divorce or separation.  Wills, powers of attorney and superannuation nominations are just about the last thing anyone wants to consider when facing the trauma of family breakdown.  But as Louise and Gemma make clear, problems can arise if you put off considering these issues. Topics addressed include: Estate planning documents that need to be reconsidered following separation or divorce? What happens to your estate if you die without changing your Will after separation or divorce? "Joint" assets - did you know that these are not part of your Will? Superannuation binding death nominations - how do these work? What needs to be considered if you re-partner after divorce?

This month Ben and Heather discuss how to get ready for Court.  Their first piece of advice is to avoid bringing family law disputes to Court if at all possible.  But in the event that you do have to go to Court this podcast will help you prepare, as Ben and Heather consider the following:Why does it take so long to actually get in front of a judge on a family law matters?Where is the Court physically located, and when are Court sessions now managed online?Do you have to hire a barrister to take a matter to Court?How much is it going to cost to take a matter to Court? (brace yourself for the answer!)How do your lawyer and barrister prepare your case for Court?Tips on what to wear and how to behave in Court and for online proceedings.How does the Court decide who a child will live with or spend time with?How does the Court decide property settlements?If you don't like the Court's decision, can you appeal?Episode note (important): This episode was recorded before changes to the structure and processes of the Federal Circuit and Family Court in 2021, so some references to court procedures may now be different. Please seek current legal advice and refer to the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia and Attorney-General’s Department resources for the latest information.

This month Ben and Heather talk to forensic accountant Suzanne Delbridge about valuing a business when separating.Suzanne Delbridge is the Director and Founder of Delbridge Forensic Accounting in Newcastle and a very experienced forensic accountant.  For listeners who may not know, a forensic account is specially trained to prepare financial information for a court of law.At the start of the podcast, Suzanne clarified exactly what a forensic accountant does and why they are absolutely critical when valuing a business.  Ben and Heather then delved into the following questions with Suzanne:When is it appropriate to use a forensic account, rather than simply using your company or personal accountant? (Clue:  it's never appropriate to use your company or personal accountant to value a business in divorce proceedings!)What are the different methods of valuation?How does an accountant differentiate between a business with significant value and one that is just a vehicle for owner income?Why do we sometimes see a business valued at close to nothing, when similar businesses are advertised a high prices?How do forensic accountants take into account lack of control or difficulty of sale when valuing a portion of a shared business?Can a forensic accountant identify if a business is being used to hide wealth?Do forensic accountants need to be involved in valuing self managed superannuation funds?Can the settlement structure in a divorce really make a significant difference to either party's tax bill?Episode note (important): This episode was recorded before changes to property settlement provisions commenced on 10 June 2025. The way the Court determines a just and equitable outcome in property matters has been updated since this recording, so some legal references in this episode may now be out of date. Please seek current legal advice and refer to the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia and Attorney-General’s Department resources for the latest information.

In this episode family law experts Benjamin Bryant and Heather McKinnon talk to psychologist Michael Hawton about the secrets to successful co-parenting. Michael is a child and family psychologist who has been working with families in Australia and overseas for over 30 years. He is also the founder of Parentshop resource hub for parents, educator and child and family specialists. Michael has also found time to write two books: Talk Less, Liston More and Engaging Adolescents and has two children of his own. We discussed the following topics with Michael: •Is co-parenting the right option for everyone? •How important is a parenting plan to co-parenting success? •How to resolve differences without tearing the kids apart. •How to manage changeovers effectively. •How to manage special occasions without hostility and resentment. •At what should children's wishes be considered when decision making?

This month Heather and Ben spoke to Gabrielle Cantrall, the acting Solicitor in Charge of Family Law with LegalAid NSW, about Independent Children's Lawyers (ICL). These are the specialist lawyers the Court appoints to represent children in complex family law matters.LegalAid NSW is the body responsible for accrediting Independent Children's Lawyers in New South Wales, so Gabrielle is uniquely qualified to talk about their role and responsibilities. Both Ben and Heather are qualified Independent Children's Lawyers with many years combined experience working in this space. They are able to provide perspective on the day to day of working with and for children in family law cases.Topics covered include: •Understanding Independent Children's Lawyer's •What is an Independent Children's Lawyer? •What is a lawyer's role when acting as an ICL? •How does a lawyer qualify as an ICL? •When does the Court appoint an ICL? •The parents' role with an ICL: •Do parents get a say in who will represent their child? •Can parents sit in when an ICL meets with their child? •Does an ICL keep parents informed? •What if a parent is unhappy with their child's lawyer? •Acting as an ICL: •Does an ICL act on the instructions of a child? •How does an ICL form a view on what's in a child's best interest? •What experts does an ICL use to help them form this view? •What if a child has been told what to say to an ICL? •How does an ICL represent a child in Court? •What is the role of the ICL at the end of proceedings?Episode note (important): This episode was recorded before changes to Australia’s family law parenting provisions commenced on 6 May 2024. The way the Court approaches “best interests of the child” and related parenting concepts has been updated since this recording, so some legal references in this episode may now be out of date. Please seek current legal advice and refer to the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia and Attorney-General’s Department resources for the latest information.

https://bryantmckinnon.com.au/family-matter/childrens-matters/juggling-work-parenthood/

On this podcast Ben and Heather talk about the many agencies and resources that provide free or low cost support when going through a relationship breakdown.  It's important to know there is help out there - you are not alone. The areas covered include: Resources to help you make the stay or go decision Resources for people dealing with domestic violence or crisis situations Resources for advice and assistance with family law matters Resources for mediation and dispute resolution Resources to help children get through separation Be sure to check out the show notes which includes a complete listing of all the agencies and resources discussed.

This month Ben and Heather spoke with Elisabeth Shaw, CEO of Relationships Australia NSW about one of the most difficult questions couples have to answer: Should I stay or should I go? Not only is the question fraught, it bears the weight of the many lives that will be impacted by the answer. The following questions are answered: •What are the signs that it is time to go? •How much should consideration for the children affect the stay or go decision? •How to confront your partner when unhappy with your relationship. •What are the signs that the relationship could heal? •Is it helpful to talk to your friends about the "stay or go" decision? •At what point should you consider professional relationship counselling?Elisabeth also provided her thoughts on the following general scenarios: •My partner and I get along on most day-to-day issues but we differ on some of the big questions like politics and climate change which causes huge arguments sometimes. •Our problems started when the kids reached school age. We simply can't agree on how to raise our children but we can still have fun and laugh together. •Things are good with my partner most of the time. But I'm just not sure they are good enough. •My partner and I get on really well when it's just the two of us. But I can't stand to be around her friends and family. They make me uncomfortable.

This month Ben and Heather had a look at the new rules governing the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia which merged in September 2021. While the Family Law Act has not changed, the newly merged Court has been given increased resources and has implemented new processes to speed up the Court process which has been mired in logjams for a number of years. Ben and Heather cover off the following questions: •Why have the Courts merged? •How do the new Court rules actually affect separating couples who head to Court? •How does the new "case management pathway" work? •How has the increased emphasis on dispute resolutions impacted proceedings? •What is the affect of additional Court resources? •How do the new rules impact on Property Settlement disputes? •How do the new rules impact on Children's Matters? •How is the Court using electronic hearings to fast track proceedings?

Ben and Heather welcome special guest and child psychologist Amy Sketcher to talk about divorce and children on the spectrum. Amy practises with Seasons Allied Health in Coffs Harbour, and has many years' experience in the non-government and education sector. She works with children as well as supporting and up-skilling parents and caregivers. Topics covered include: •The psychological and emotional difficulties that all children can suffer as a result of divorce. •The impact of divorce on children on the spectrum - how this may impact on behaviours. •How to differentiate between behaviours triggered by the trauma of divorce and those associated with autism. •What parents can do to make divorce and separation easier for children on the spectrum. •Managing a situation where one parent is in denial about an autism diagnosis. •How to know when psychological help is needed. •How to choose the right psychologist for your child.

This month Ben and Heather talk about family lawyers: how to choose one that's right for you and how to make sure you get the best out of the lawyer you've chosen. Collectively they deal with a wide range of questions, including: •What is an accredited family lawyer, and do I need one? •Can I use the same lawyer or law firm as my ex-partner? •Do I have to pay for an initial consultation? •Should I shop around for a family lawyer? •What should I be looking for in a family lawyer or law firm? •How should I prepare for an initial meeting with a family lawyer? •What should I expect from a family lawyer and when should I think about moving on?

This month Ben and Heather step you through how to manage your own divorce and identify when you may need to seek additional legal advice.The questions and topics covered included: •What is divorce (legally speaking)? •Who is eligible to divorce in Australia? •Choose a joint or sole application? •When do separation legally start? •Counselling requirements if married less than 2 years. •What does the Court look for when approving your divorce? •What if you want a divorce but can't find you ex? •How best to serve divorce papers on your ex. •Signing and finalising divorce paperwork. •What to expect in Court? •How soon after divorce can you remarry? •Does divorce affect parenting or property arrangements? •When is DIY divorce a bad idea? •Is it a good idea to DIY property and parenting arrangements?Episode note (important): This episode was recorded before changes to the structure and processes of the Federal Circuit and Family Court in 2021, so some references to court procedures may now be different. The content is general in nature and not a substitute for legal advice. Please obtain current advice from an accredited family law specialist about your circumstances.

In this episode, Ben and Heather turned their attention to money, assets, debts and the importance of financial planning during and after divorce. They were joined by financial planner Brett Martin from Harbour Wealth Management. A certified financial planner for over 12 years, Brett has been helping clients on the Coffs Coast to manage their wealth since he became principal at Bridges Financial Services in Coffs Harbour in 2011. Recently Brett has moved from under the Bridges umbrella to establish his own practice, Harbour Wealth Management. Brett's financial planning expertise combined well with Ben and Heather's specialist family law knowledge to answer these critical questions: •How can couples avoid disagreements about money that may eventually lead to divorce or separation? •How best to audit and value a shared asset pool? •How to protect your credit rating through the separation process? •How to stay within superannuation rules when splitting super after divorce? •Are there advantages to keeping your super intact and using other assets to balance out property settlement? •How to manage and divide a self managed superannuation fund through separation? •What are the tax implication to be aware of when deciding how to divide the assets after separation?

This month Ben and Heather addressed a wide array of family law questions from the community, touching on a number of common issues faced by people going through divorce and separation.The questions included:Prenuptials:  My girlfriend is planning to move in with me and I want to protect the assets I have accumulated before I met her.  What can I do?Grandparents rights: My son is only able to see our grandchildren under supervision.  As grandparents is there some way we can get the right to have the children visit us regularly?Facebook threats:  My ex has made threatening posts on Facebook.  Can I go to court and get his account cancelled or make him stop?Child support: My ex has stopped paying child support.  What can I do?Parenting plans: How fixed is a parenting plan?  If my situation changes can things be renegotiated?Superannuation: Am I entitle to half of my partner's superannuation after 35 years of marriage? Episode note (important): This episode was recorded before changes to Australia’s family law parenting provisions commenced on 6 May 2024. The way the Court approaches “best interests of the child” and related parenting concepts has been updated since this recording, so some legal references in this episode may now be out of date. Please seek current legal advice and refer to the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia and Attorney-General’s Department resources for the latest information.

In this episode Benjamin and Heather switched up the format, with each asking the other increasingly challenging questions about property settlement. It opened up so really honest conversation about the difficulties involved with property settlement specifically and separation more generally.These two family law experts dealt with the following questions: •The biggest mistake people make when negotiating a property settlement. •The number one tip to avoid going to court to finalise a property settlement. •The toughest property settlement case Heather has dealt with in her long career. •How lawyers help people figure out what to expect in a property settlement. •Whether it's possible to reach a settlement out of court if the separation is hostile. •Dealing with financial imbalance in property settlement •The pros and cons of divorce....is the whole thing worth it?Episode note (important): This episode includes discussion of parenting arrangements and property matters in response to listener questions, recorded before changes to family law provisions commenced on 6 May 2024 (parenting) and 10 June 2025 (property). The way the Court approaches these issues has been updated since this recording, so some legal references in these parts of the episode may now be out of date. Please seek current legal advice and refer to the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia and Attorney-General’s Department resources for the latest information.

Private investigators can play a pivotal role in serving documents and collecting evidence in complex family law cases. In this episode Benjamin Bryant and Heather McKinnon from Bryant McKinnon Lawyers talk to Steve Wallis, Managing Director of SWA Recovery & Investigation Group about how private investigators work and where they can add value in family law matters. With over 40 years' experience in investigations, Steve shared insights into a PIs day to day life and busted some of the myths about his profession. We also covered specific questions regarding how and when private investigators are able to assist family law clients and solicitors. Topics covered include: 1. The value of using private investigators to "prove" adultery. 2. How private investigators can track down missing or hidden assets. 3. How private investigators assist in domestic violence and child abuse cases. 4. How private investigators track down missing persons, including ex-partners. 5. How and when private investigators get involved in serving court documents. To conclude the show we asked Steve to provide his best advice to anyone considering hiring a private investigator. We recommend you have a listen before investing in a PI!

Most people who decided to separate have never initiated a relationship breakdown in their lives. The decision is scary and overwhelming. Yet these very early stages can set the course for how the whole process plays out and even affect long term family relationships for years to come. Knowing how important the initial stages are, Ben and Heather have dedicated this episode to provide advice for anyone facing the awful thought that it might be time to end their relationship. Topics covered include: •How and when to break the news to your partner •How to prepare for that initial conversation if you are in a violent or difficult relationship •What are the big-ticket things you need to think about to ensure as little disruption to your family as possible •How to protect yourself financially in the early stages •Do you need a lawyer and can you and your partner share one lawyer •When to let the children know And as a final bonus, Heather gives "advice to a friend" on what's most important when first facing up to separation or divorce. Given how many separations Heather has witnessed in over 40 years - her advice is well worth a listen!

Retired Federal Circuit Court Judge Judy Small is without question our most unique, and broadly qualified guest we have had on this program. Judy grew up right here in Coffs Harbour and went on to become a globe-trotting folk singer. She also had a lengthy career as a family lawyer, working for a decade with Victoria Legal Aid and then as a Federal Circuit Court Judge. We were regaled with stories of Judy's upbringing on the Coffs Coast and her life as a singer and then "got serious" about family law and discussed the following issues: 1. Reforms to family law in the 1980s that changed the focus of the law, particularly relating to family violence 2. Judy's thoughts on reform still needed, particularly for Aboriginal and migrant communities. 3. Discretion for family law judges: liberating or frustrating. 4. Dealing with "he-said", "she-said" from the bench 5. Judy's advice to someone entering the family law system for the first time: · Make sure you are safe. · Understand that you are not alone. · Have a lawyer that you trust, and who cares.

In this episode Ben and Heather talk with special guest Jean Clayton, CEO of Bridging the Gap Community Services which runs the Men's Resource Centre, about how men experience divorce and separation. The program explores how men may differ from women in their experience of divorce, the trauma of family separation and the impact on self-identity.

Ben and Heather answer questions on divorce, separation and family law from the community. Topics covered include: • Parental alienation and adolescence •Consent order •Who pays the mortgage while property settlement is completed •Can you appeal a family law decision on mental health grounds •Difference between a provisional, interim and final AVO