The Sober Creative

Jonathan Hoban has spent years trying to understand why he kept sabotaging himself when things were going well. The answer wasn’t where he expected to find it. It was hiding in plain sight — in the word most people dismiss as weakness: sensitivity.As a psychotherapist, author, and founder of Sensitivity Management, Jonathan has built a framework that reframes sensitivity not as a flaw to fix, but as a survival mechanism to understand. His work pulls from evolutionary psychology, polyvagal theory, attachment theory, and sensory processing science to explain something most people have felt but never had language for: why feelings hit some of us so much harder than others.This conversation went deep. We talked about his own path through addiction, the moment he realized sobriety wasn’t just about stopping — it was about learning to manage what was underneath all along. If you’ve ever reached for a drink at the end of a hard day and couldn’t explain why, this one’s for you.Show Notes[00:00] Introduction* Jonathan is the founder of Sensitivity Management, a psychotherapist, and published author with Hodder and Stoughton* His framework draws on evolutionary psychology, polyvagal theory, attachment theory, and sensory processing science* His work has been featured in The Times, The Telegraph, The Guardian, and on BBC News and ITV* He’s currently exploring the relationship between sensitivity and addiction on his own SubstackKey Insight: “Perhaps most relevant to this conversation is something Jonathan plans to explore on his own Substack — the relationship between sensitivity and addiction, the idea that for many of us, substances were a way of managing what felt, at the time, unmanageable.”[02:01] Jonathan’s Story — Loss, Fear, and the First Drink* Jonathan grew up in a household where feelings weren’t discussed — his father was born in 1920, and sensitivity wasn’t on the table* His mother was diagnosed with cancer when he was 11 and died when he was 17; he began drinking and using cocaine as a way to manage unprocessed grief* He describes feeling “porous” — overwhelmed by stimulation, unable to let things go, running in survival mode for most of his life* Relapses eventually led him to a reckoning: “my last one was the one where I said, that is it because I left the building and I was no longer me”Key Insight: “Sensitivity is not what creates my addiction, but it definitely led me to it as a way to escape and a way to regulate.”[07:55] What Sensitivity Actually Means* The word sensitivity comes from the Latin to sense, feel, assess, and perceive — it is not weakness, it is a survival mechanism* We are all born highly sensitive; the difference is in how that sensitivity was conditioned over time* Sensitivity is about the sensory nervous system — visual, auditory, gut, and interoceptive signals* The stigma around the word sensitivity prevents people from naming it — and if you can’t name it, you can’t work with itKey Insight: “We are all sensory beings. The word sensory tells us that we are governed by our sensory nervous systems. When we look at mental health, it’s not all up here — it’s through our visual senses, auditory senses, gut senses, interoceptive senses.”[13:29] The Sensory Regulation Cycle* Jonathan developed the Sensory Regulation Cycle to show how sensitivity fluctuates throughout the day* The cycle: stress event → energy drain → lowered resilience → heightened sensitivity → pitfalls (overthinking, impulsivity, porousness) → sensory spiral → burnout* When energy is low, resilience is low — and that’s when self-sabotage moves in without warning* The goal isn’t long breaks; it’s the quality of regulation: “it’s not the quantity of regulation, it’s the quality of regulation”Key Insight: “When you’re more regulated, you can access the positives of sensitivity — empathy, connection, creativity, strategic thinking. Heightened sensitivity means you’re in survival mode — overthinking, impulsivity, self-sabotage without even realizing it.”[22:15] Why the End of the Day Feels Unmanageable* Every sensory input throughout the day — emails, noise, phone pings, screens — drains energy* By evening, resilience is low, which means feelings surface without a filter* Impulsivity spikes: you’ll make the call you shouldn’t, pick the fight, pour the drink* The reframe: “this is not anxiety — this is just because I’m tired”Key Insight: “How many times in the evening have you thought, I’m going to do that, and you’ve got no resilience to stop yourself from doing it?”[26:13] Regulation in Practice — What Actually Helps* Turn off your phone and calm your visual senses first — it’s the most overstimulated of all the senses* A 20-30 minute window of quality regulation can restore focus, clarity, and energy* Nature (even just looking at the sky) regulates through the visual sense* Be honest about which senses are most drained — for Jonathan, it’s visual and auditoryKey Insight: “A small period of regulation and energy management — if I lose energy in one part of the afternoon, I only need 20 minutes. I come out and my energy is back up. Focus, clarity, performance, productivity.”[30:10] Addiction, Energy, and Why Recovery Takes Time* The longer you’re in addiction, the more depleted your energy becomes — and the harder it is to choose differently* “When people are so depleted in addiction — you know, we’re running on we’re just tired all the time”* Recovery demands rest first: sleep, naps, restoration — the body is healing and using energy to do it* Sensitivity management in recovery is not optional: “I have to prioritize regulation on a daily basis and managing my energy on a daily basis out of fear that if I run in a highly sensitive state in survival mode, I will pick up again”Key Insight: “For me, addiction is a gift because for me, it makes me me. I have to prioritize regulation on a daily basis.”[33:31] What Addiction Really Means — and What Freedom Looks Like* Jonathan respectfully disagrees with the “opposite of addiction is connection” framing* For him: “Addiction is prison. The opposite of addiction is freedom.”* Sobriety is about becoming someone he recognizes and respects: “Sobriety is someone I know, I like, and I value”* Community and connection matter deeply in recovery, but freedom is the foundation underneathKey Insight: “Addiction is complete. Addiction is a complete change of character. It’s someone I don’t like. It’s someone I don’t know.”Key Quotes“Sensitivity is not what creates my addiction, but it definitely led me to it as a way to escape and a way to regulate.” — Jonathan Hoban“I’ve never met someone in addiction that isn’t sensitive.” — Jonathan Hoban“Addiction is prison. The opposite of addiction for me is freedom.” — Jonathan Hoban“For me, addiction is a gift because for me, it makes me me.” — Jonathan Hoban“If you can’t name sensitivity, you’re shutting the door on everything.” — Jonathan HobanResources Mentioned* Sensitivity Management Framework — Jonathan’s proprietary model integrating polyvagal theory, attachment theory, evolutionary psychology, and sensory processing science* The Sensory Regulation Cycle — Jonathan’s visual tool mapping how sensitivity fluctuates from baseline through burnout* Johann Hari — referenced and respectfully challenged; Jonathan’s counterpoint to “the opposite of addiction is connection”* Ice baths / nature walks — regulation practices Jonathan uses personally to lower ADHD presentation and restore clarityWhere to Find JonathanJonathan Hoban is the founder of Sensitivity Management and an integrative psychotherapist based in London. He works with individuals and organizations including Warner Brothers, the Department for Transport, and firms in the legal and insurance sectors.Website: www.sensitivitymanagement.comHe’s also launching Live Coffee Shop Talks — up-close workshops across London where he breaks down the Sensitivity Management framework in an accessible, community-centered format.Thank YouA heartfelt thank you to Little Edits Atelier, Dana Kay, Jane Peeples, and many others who joined us live for this conversation, and to Jonathan Hoban for his extraordinary clarity and generosity of insight. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.From This Conversation to Your LifeWhat Jonathan described — that low-level hum of unease at the end of the day, the need to take the edge off, the way sensitivity turns into survival mode when energy runs out — that’s the exact threshold where so many people reach for a drink.Not because they’re weak. Because they’re depleted and don’t have the tools to do anything else.That’s what The Sober Creative Method™ is built around. A 90-day, 1:1 journey designed to help you remove alcohol as the barrier to your clearest, most creative work — and build the identity and the practices to sustain it.If Jonathan’s framework made something click for you today, this is the next step.The Sober Creative is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

There’s a version of Shelly’s story that looks like a series of detours. Mechanic to content creator. Dealership to Substack. Substances to sobriety. But spend twenty minutes with her, and you realize those weren’t detours. They were the path.Shelly is the writer behind Cozy Clarity, a Substack she describes as “a space where soft and strong collide.” Her work sits at the intersection of personal development, mental health, and the lived experience of figuring it all out in real time. Her essays don’t let readers off the hook — they write directly about the gap between knowing something and doing something about it.In this episode of Clear Conversations, Shelly shares how quitting her job, stepping away from substances, and going nearly a year without a paycheck led her to the work she was meant to do. It’s a conversation about listening to your body, allowing yourself to feel discomfort, and what happens when you stop running from the same day on repeat.Show Notes[00:00] Welcome & Guest Introduction* Josh introduces Shelly, the writer behind Cozy Clarity on Substack* Cozy Clarity covers personal development, mental health, mindset, and “the lived experience of figuring it all out in real time”* This is Shelly’s first-ever Substack LiveKey Insight: “Cozy enough to feel like home, but honest enough to ask something of you.” — Josh, reading from Shelly’s Substack description[3:06] From Music to Mechanics: An Unlikely Origin Story* Shelly grew up in a car family but had no interest in vehicles — she was a musician, first-chair bass clarinetist who competed at the national level* After getting her first car and nearly being taken advantage of by a dishonest tech, she decided she’d never let that happen again and taught herself the trade* She became an apprentice at a dealership and worked her way up fast, eventually working for nearly every major automotive brandKey Insight: “After that, I was like, I don’t want anybody else to touch my car again. So I want to learn how to work on cars now.” — Shelly[5:07] Being the Only Woman in the Shop* Working as a female mechanic was difficult — Shelly was often the only woman in the shop* She sought out other women in the industry and tried to learn from them, but each time those connections fell apart under unclear circumstances* The combination of isolation and lack of genuine support wore on her over timeKey Insight: “I kind of felt isolated from everybody else at a certain point. And so I was kind of using all of that stuff to suppress it and just tell myself it doesn’t matter. Just keep on going.” — Shelly[7:30] Recognizing the Breaking Point* When the environment at her last shop changed under new management, Shelly decided it was time to step back from automotive work entirely* She describes feeling like she was “reliving the same day over and over and over again”* She quit her job, stopped smoking marijuana (which she’d used daily since age 15), and stopped drinking — all at once, three and a half years agoKey Insight: “It felt like the same day on repeat. I feel burnt out. I’m reliving the same day over and over and over again. I don’t know how to escape it. So I knew something had to change.” — Shelly[12:37] A Year of Deliberate Unemployment* After leaving the automotive world, Shelly stayed unemployed for nearly ten months on purpose* She tried going back to a heavy-duty shop briefly, realized quickly it wasn’t the path she wanted* She found Substack, went “full throttle” — started writing, built a website, created digital productsKey Insight: “I just kind of figured I need to take a step back from this and maybe start not going away from it, but just exploring what else is out there and what else would spark my interest. ‘Cause I am a multi-passionate person.” — Shelly[14:30] Early Sobriety: The First Three Months* The first few weeks were brutal — the urge to go back was constant* Family and her boyfriend kept telling her to give it time: “Nothing really happens noticeably in a couple of weeks. Just give it some more time and see how you feel”* It took three months before she started noticing a real difference, a timeline Josh confirmed matched his own experienceKey Insight: “Before you hit the three month mark, it feels like you’re not really giving it a chance. But after the three month mark... just keep pushing it until you hit that mark and see what your body tells you, see what your mind tells you, see how you feel.” — Shelly[18:35] Creativity, Process, and the Art of Winging It* Shelly doesn’t work from a formal creative process — ideas surface throughout the day while she’s working her part-time job and she captures them in her notes app* Once she sits down to write, more ideas come and things flow from there* She calls herself “a professional at winging it”Key Insight: “I usually never go into anything with a plan. It just, I just start and it just comes to me after I start.” — Shelly[26:25] Sitting Still in a Do-Do-Do Culture* Shelly and Josh discuss the cultural pressure to always be moving, always be producing* Shelly believes that doing nothing — sitting with your thoughts for an hour or more each day — is actually productive, even when it doesn’t feel that way* The practice of listening to your body has guided every major decision Shelly has made: leaving shops, leaving substances, finding writingKey Insight: “You’re allowed to just do nothing for a while. Just sit there and feel your thoughts, think of new things. You don’t constantly have to be go, go, go... even though it feels unproductive, I think it actually is pretty productive.” — ShellyKey Quotes“I started smoking like from the second I woke up to the second I went to bed... it got to a point where I felt like I was never sober. I was never really in a clear mindset.” — Shelly“I feel like a lot of it has to do with the idea that it’s not really pushed on that you’re just allowed to go out and do your own thing. A lot of people have it in their head that you wake up and you go to work, and that’s just how it is. That’s how it’s supposed to be. It’s not always how it actually has to be in real life.” — Shelly“Sometimes you really do just have to sit there and be with it, just feel it for a while. Even if that means sitting there and honestly just sitting there and staring at a wall if you need to.” — Shelly“Give it at least to month three. What I’ve come to find out is after three months, it’s like before you hit the three month mark, it feels like you’re not really giving it a chance.” — Shelly“I feel like it’s definitely part of the universe is trying to align you for where you actually belong and trying to push you in the right direction.” — ShellyResources Mentioned* Cozy Clarity (Shelly’s Substack) — essays on mental health, mindset, and personal development* “You’re Not Lazy. You’re Burnt Out, Overstimulated and Craving Peace” — Shelly’s featured essay on running on autopilot and finding your spark again* Upcoming essay: Part-time jobs and the multi-passionate person — how working fewer hours can unlock more of who you are* Digital products (relaunching): Anxiety journals, a Digital Creator’s Guide, mental health guides, and automotive maintenance checklistsWhere to Find ShellyWebsite (coming soon): https://www.CozyClarity.com (Shelly posts regular updates on her Substack about the relaunch — follow there for the announcement)Thank YouA heartfelt thank you to Nabanita, Noelle Richards, and many others who joined us live for this conversation, and to Shelly for her honesty, her openness, and her willingness to share a story that’s still unfolding in real time. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.A Note Before You GoShelly’s story keeps coming back to the same thing: she listened to her body. Not because she had a framework for it, or because someone told her to. She just kept paying attention to what felt off and made her move.That’s what this work is about. Not a perfect plan. Not a dramatic revelation. Just getting clear enough to hear yourself — and then having the courage to act on it.If alcohol has been part of how you cope with the version of life you’re trying to escape from, that’s worth looking at. The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day 1:1 journey built specifically for those who are ready to remove alcohol as the barrier to living more freely.Not a detox. Not a recovery program. A method for becoming the version of yourself that’s been waiting on the other side of clarity.Discover what becomes possible when you create a life you don’t need to escape from. Let’s explore that together. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

Carolina Wilke has spent decades studying what most of us ignore. The signals our bodies send. The tension we carry without naming it. The emotions we skip past because sitting with them feels like too much.As co-founder of Sacred Business Flow and a master bioenergetics practitioner, Carolina came to this work through her own body. Years of chronic migraines that started at age five. Hospital visits in her twenties. A corporate career that had her living, as she puts it, “from the neck up.” The healing she found wasn’t through more planning or better strategy. It came through learning to feel again.What makes this conversation especially meaningful is that Carolina joined the Sober Creative Reset at the start of 2026, not because she identified a problem with alcohol, but as an intentional act of curiosity. What she found along the way surprised her. A sharpened sense of choice. A wider space between trigger and reaction. And a relationship with her body that had quietly been shifting in ways she hadn’t expected.Show Notes[00:00] Introduction* Carolina Wilke is a co-founder of Sacred Business Flow and a master bioenergetics practitioner originally from Brazil* She brings decades of experience in healing practices, meditation, and embodiment work* Her journey began with severe chronic migraines that worsened through her professional life, leading her to explore the connection between the body, mind, and energy* She joined the Sober Creative Reset in early 2026 as an intentional act of exploration, not from a place of crisisKey Insight: “Can you feel the space between the trigger and the reaction? Because that space is where your power lives.”[2:16] The Migraines, the Body, and the Early Years* Carolina’s migraines started at age five and escalated into multiple hospital visits in her early twenties* Alcohol made the migraines worse. Hangovers amplified an already painful cycle* She was never using alcohol to cope with negative emotions. She had an awareness early on that she only drank when she felt good, not to mask how she felt* Looking back, she sees herself as someone who was “living from the neck up” — all calculation and planning with almost no real body awarenessKey Insight: “I can totally see myself living from my neck up. Like I had no body awareness like that. And I was always like calculating the future, planning like ahead of time, trying to figure it out, like all the steps. And if you think about it, like a lot of us do that and it’s freaking exhausting.”[5:30] The Reset, the Intention, and the Space That Opened* Carolina had done detoxes before but had never paired them with a clear intention* The combination of removing alcohol and entering the Reset with focus changed something. The space between trigger and reaction became wider* Even if she reacted the same way, she noticed she had a moment of choice. The pause itself felt like power* She credits the intentionality as much as the physiologyKey Insight: “I felt that not having alcohol increased that space for me. It feels like I have a chance to do different. Like it feels like I have a choice.”[8:01] The Placebo Effect and What Her Body Learned* After the Reset, Carolina tried a regular beer and couldn’t drink it. The taste of alcohol had become too strong, like rubbing alcohol* Before finishing the Reset, she had tried a non-alcoholic beer and noticed a full placebo effect: relaxation, warmth, even the sensation of a buzz* Her body had been trained by years of drinking to expect a response. The physical ritual alone triggered it* She no longer drinks regular beer. Her body simply won’t tolerate itKey Insight: “I felt exactly the same way as I feel when I have alcohol. So the relaxation in my body...I almost feel that if I could keep drinking that I would get drunk without the alcohol.”[16:22] Thinking Your Feelings vs. Feeling Them* Most people think their feelings rather than actually feel them* When an emotion arises, the instinct is to jump to analysis: the reasons, the stories, the justifications. That cuts off the feeling before it can move through* Carolina’s practice: instead of naming the emotion, locate it in the body. Where is it sitting? What does it feel like? Is it tight, tingly, contracting, warm?* Breathe into it. If you stay present and keep breathing, the sensation passes like a wave. Processing happens. The story loses its gripKey Insight: “A lot of people, they think their feelings and they don’t feel their feelings. You feel like frustration and then you can’t really name where you’re feeling your body, then you go straight to your mind and all the reasons why frustration is there. That’s the reason why...and then you don’t process that fully and then you live from your neck up and that’s exhausting too.”[27:50] Creative Practices and the Wisdom of Slow Work* Carolina starts her work day by lighting a candle or incense and asking spirit to speak through her. It is a practice of becoming a vessel before creating* She practices watercolor and pottery, both of which demand patience and detachment from outcome* Pottery in particular teaches her about cycles and timing. A plate takes weeks to fire. Rushing it does nothing* She sees these practices as training for life: show up, do your part, and trust the process you cannot controlKey Insight: “Both like pottery and watercolor are a great reminder of divine timing because nothing in those two arts are instant. Slow down, wait, enjoy the moment, and detach from the outcome.”[33:27] Cycles of Creation and Why We Keep Starting Over* Creation has four phases: create, sustain, destroy, and void. The dopamine lives in the first phase* Most people never make it through the sustain phase. When the excitement fades and results are slow, they abandon the project and start a new one* The sustain phase is where trust is built. Skipping it means repeating the same cycle at the same level* The same pattern shows up in drinking. Numbing cuts off the body’s feedback, which means no lesson gets processed, only a story to loop onKey Insight: “If we honor all of the phases, the next cycle is always bigger and it’s always greater. But then we want a shortcut and we go back to creation, but we repeat the same cycle.”[38:05] Meeting Yourself Through Restriction* Carolina is currently on a multi-substance detox: no alcohol, no sugar, no gluten* She uses restriction as a tool to observe her own mind. Cravings become teachers* When a craving hits, she traces it back to the feeling the substance provides: comfort, relaxation, warmth. Then she asks: can I produce that from the inside?* When she can access that feeling internally, the craving dissolvesKey Insight: “Whatever the alcohol is giving you, it’s in here. We have the ability to produce that without the substance. So if you can catch and relate to food and alcohol as energies and just ask the question, ‘How can I produce that in me without the need of that?’ Your body will give you clues. It will give you maybe movement, maybe music, maybe something that’s actually helpful and nourishing.”Key Quotes“I don’t need to have a problem or a perceived problem to try to improve. We can become better or we can choose to do better, even if you don’t have a problem, per se.” — Carolina Wilke“If you numb your body, you start drinking. So now you don’t feel it. So the discomfort is not there. There’s no lesson. There’s just the story.” — Carolina Wilke“A mind state has a body state, so if you’re thinking in a certain frequency, you’re going to lead your body to feel in a certain way. But also if you’re moving your body, a body state can influence your mind state.” — Carolina Wilke“I would suggest to people, if you drink and you think you don’t have a problem with alcohol, go just for the sake of exploration. Because at the end of the day, you’re exploring yourself. I don’t think it’s about exploring alcohol itself. It’s knowing who you are.” — Carolina Wilke“With so many restrictions, you start meeting parts of yourself that they’re not available when you’re just indulging yourself with feel goods all the time.” — Carolina WilkeResources Mentioned* Sacred Business Flow — Carolina’s business with co-founder Phil Powis, focused on helping entrepreneurs align their bodies and intuition with their work* Radiant Flow — An embodiment practice Carolina has taught for years, recently opened outside their coaching community (currently waitlist only)* Sacred Growth Club — The coaching community within Sacred Business Flow where Radiant Flow was originally housed* Bioenergetics — The healing modality through which Carolina resolved her chronic migraines and which forms the foundation of her practiceWhere to Find CarolinaTo join the Radiant Flow waitlist: sacredbusinessflow.com/radiant-flowThank YouA heartfelt thank you to Inge van de Graaf, Noelle Richards, and many others who joined us live for this conversation, and to Carolina Wilke for her extraordinary insight and wisdom. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.A Bridge to Your Next StepCarolina said something in this conversation that has stayed with me.She came into the Reset not because she had a problem. She came because she was curious about who she was without alcohol as part of the picture. And what she found was a version of herself with more space, more choice, and more access to the sensations her body had been trying to communicate for years.That is exactly what The Sober Creative Method™ was built for.If you are someone who drinks socially, functionally, casually, and you have never once thought of yourself as having a problem — but you wonder what might be available on the other side of that habit — this is the work.The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day 1:1 coaching journey through Release, Create, and Become. It is not recovery. It is discovery. It is the methodical, supported process of removing alcohol as a variable so you can finally see clearly what has been there all along.Discover what becomes possible when you create a life you don’t need to escape from. Let’s explore that together. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

Orel Zilberman spent years inside the kind of addiction most people don’t take seriously. No substances. No rehab. Just a screen, a game, and a mind that had completely given itself over to the loop. At the peak, he was logging 12 to 16 hours a day on League of Legends and Overwatch — counting the minutes he spent outside the house in missed games. Everything else — school, relationships, his own future — was background noise.What broke the cycle wasn't a dramatic crash. It was a book. A self-development book in Hebrew, passed along by a friend during COVID, that opened a door he hadn't known was there. From that moment in early 2021, Orel started saying no — to games, to distraction, to the comfortable pull of escape — and started saying yes to building something real.A few years later, he quit a six-figure software job in August 2023, spent over 600 days failing, pivoting, and shipping, and built WriteStack into a six-figure SaaS — documenting every step of it on Substack under the name Indiepreneur. This conversation got into the guts of what that actually took: the discipline, the anxiety, the identity shift, and the inner work that runs underneath all of it.Show Notes[05:00] The Gaming Addiction — What It Actually Felt Like* Orel started playing MapleStory around age 8. By 13 or 14, League of Legends had become his primary obsession.* “Every time I left home, every time I did something else, all I could think about is how much time did I spend outside the game that I could have spent playing the game.”* During university summers, he played 12 to 16 hours a day, brought food to his room, barely left, and barely engaged with his then-girlfriend.* The grip wasn’t just about time. His mind fed on games even when he wasn’t playing — he watched streams and YouTube videos, thought about in-game items while out in the world.* At his peak in Overwatch, he ranked in the top 500 players globally. Then one day in February 2021, he said no to a game invite. “That was when I felt empowered.”Key Insight: “I don’t think that I could feel anything else but wanting to play, wanting to play games.”[18:19] The Shift — Books, Habits, and Finding a Partner in Change* The turning point came during COVID when a friend introduced Orel to a self-development book. He describes it now as objectively not great, but says “it was the only thing that I knew and it really helped me.”* He started waking up at 5 AM, reading, and building new habits. A good friend joined him on the same journey.* “We kept motivating each other into reading books, improving the memory, improving our sleep, meditating.”* They read around 100 reports of companies together to learn stock investing — “stocks and books replaced the video games.”* Orel credits that friendship as one of the luckiest things in his life.Key Insight: “It was a journey from trying to do a lot of things together to doing a few things together to doing one thing at a time.”[20:42] Quitting the Job & Trying Everything at Once* In August 2023, Orel left his software engineering position, giving himself two to three years of runway from savings and investments.* He came out of the gate trying to do everything simultaneously — YouTube videos, LinkedIn posts, a Unity game, multiple apps. “Spoiler alert, nothing worked.”* YouTube alone was costing him 30 to 40 hours a week. He hired an editor. The money didn’t come. He stopped.* The lesson arrived slowly: focus on one thing, then focus on it long enough for it to matter.Key Insight: “It took me some time to figure out that I need to focus on one thing. And then it took me some more time that I need to focus for quite some time on one thing.”[24:16] Building WriteStack — The Pivot That Worked* After 18 months of failed attempts, Orel gave himself one final six-month commitment. If it didn’t work, he’d go back to a job.* The initial idea for WriteStack was an AI article generator. He built an MVP in two weeks. People didn’t want it.* His first real user, Casper, told him the problem wasn’t articles — it was notes. Orel pivoted immediately.* He committed to reading the same five books by Russell Brunson and Alex Hormozi over and over, sent hundreds of direct messages, and stayed in the work.* On April 6th, Casper became WriteStack’s first paying customer. It grew from there.Key Insight: “Every other big product for LinkedIn and Twitter and whatever it is focuses on short form... that’s when I pivoted and started seeing more and more traction.”[29:57] Reaching Six Figures — And Why It Didn’t Feel Like Enough* WriteStack hit six figures in annual revenue. Orel didn’t celebrate.* “It just felt like I cannot go below that right now. And the stress of staying above that threshold and even growing more than that was so stressful.”* When Substack released a native scheduler, he watched 30 to 40 unsubscribes hit in a few days. He described the feeling as everything going to hell — even though he knew, rationally, it wasn’t.* Every cancellation email carries the same weight. Every slow day on Stripe triggers a spiral.* He described constantly wanting to check his dashboard mid-conversation: “All I can think about is I should open a new tab quickly and check out Stripe.”Key Insight: “I have that strong feeling in my heart, like somebody leaves — I mean, feeling so bad about it.”[36:28] Managing the Mind — Body, Awareness, and Anxiety in Real Time* Orel talked through his approach to catching anxious thoughts before they take over. The key: notice the body first.* “If I just relax my shoulders and relax my face, I suddenly feel 60% better, 60% more calm.”* He described a pattern where unexamined thoughts build on each other throughout the day — each one slightly dimming the mood until something finally tips it over.* He meditated daily for three years at one point, up to 20 minutes each morning. He stopped, and feels the difference.* He talked about naming feelings — recognizing anger or anxiety out loud to himself — as another tool for interrupting the spiral.Key Insight: “I think that’s the number one problem is that we’re not aware even of what’s going on in our minds that we’re just spiraling.”[50:56] What’s Next — WriteStack x Buffer* Orel announced on the call (first time saying it publicly) that WriteStack is building a collaboration with Buffer.* The integration will allow users to schedule content on WriteStack and then post to any platform Buffer supports — Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn, Facebook, TikTok, Threads.* He’s also designing a tag-to-platform routing system, so specific content types automatically flow to the right channels.Key Insight: “So people can schedule on WriteStack and then post it on any platform that they want.”Key Quotes“All I would do is just play video games and secretly wish I had more time alone to play.” — Orel Zilberman“Everything that I could do with the thousands or tens of thousands of hours that I spent playing video games, that I could do something else.” — Orel Zilberman“I said no. And that was when I felt empowered.” — Orel Zilberman“It took me some time to figure out that I need to focus on one thing. And then it took me some more time that I need to focus for quite some time on one thing.” — Orel Zilberman“The thoughts just go through your mind, they put the stress on you, they make you feel something, they make your body change.” — Orel Zilberman“If I just relax my shoulders and relax my face, I suddenly feel 60% better, 60% more calm.” — Orel ZilbermanResources Mentioned* WriteStack — Orel’s SaaS tool for Substack note writers: writestack.io* Indiepreneur on Substack — Orel’s newsletter documenting his journey building a six-figure SaaS* Buffer — Social scheduling platform; upcoming WriteStack integration* Russell Brunson — Author; Orel read his books on repeat during the WriteStack build phase* Alex Hormozi — Author of $100M Leads; referenced for the 100 daily outreach strategy* At the Height of the Success — Hebrew self-development book that first interrupted the gaming addiction (author not named in conversation)Where to Find Orel* WriteStack: writestack.io* Orel documents his product-building journey in real time, including wins, pivots, and the honest accounting of what it costsThank YouA heartfelt thank you to Florence Acosta, Luc Lucid, Noelle Richards, Paul k, and everyone who joined us live for this conversation. To Orel for his honesty and openness. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.Do You Recognize This?Orel’s story hit home for me in a specific way. The addiction he describes — the constant mental pull back to the screen, the counting of minutes, the way the brain starts organizing everything else around the escape — that’s a pattern I recognize. The substance or behavior changes. The underlying architecture doesn’t.What also struck me was this: the thing that helped him most wasn’t willpower. It was direction. He didn’t quit gaming by white-knuckling it. He replaced it with something that had more pull — books, stocks, building, a friend who was on the same path.If any part of this conversation is landing for you — if you’re sensing that alcohol has become the default way to decompress, cope, or reward yourself — the first step isn’t a big commitment. It’s just a few honest questions.The Sober Creative Assessment takes about 3 minutes. It helps you see where you actually are and what might be getting in the way. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

Kerry Hoffman is a project manager. She builds systems. She connects dots. She is, by her own admission, very type A.So when she found herself going out and planning on two drinks, knowing she’d have three, and ending up with four or five — she noticed the problem. The drinking wasn’t following her rules. She was following the drinking’s.There was no dramatic bottom. No external pressure forcing her hand. She and her husband had decided not to have kids, which meant there was no built-in forcing function on the horizon. No one was going to make this change for her. As she put it plainly: “The change wasn’t going to happen to me.”So in June 2019, somewhere over the Atlantic on a flight home from Aruba, she read Sober Curious cover to cover. By December of that year, she stopped entirely. And what opened up in that space surprised her — mornings she could actually use, a brain that wouldn’t stop generating ideas, a writing life she hadn’t known she was waiting for, and a book about how to stop letting your to-do list run your life.Kerry is the voice behind The Proactive Life on Substack, where she writes about systems, grief, travel, creativity, and what it looks like to build a world rather than just a career. She came to Clear Conversations with no performance of recovery — just the clear-eyed account of someone who saw a gap between who she was and how she was living, and closed it.[00:56] The Drinking Years: College, Law School, and the Tech World* Kerry started drinking in college and continued through law school in New York City, where going out was simply “what everyone did”* In her 30s, after pivoting away from law into tech, the pattern persisted — late nights with coworkers, mornings that were less than stellar* She reflects that she was “in this boat together” with everyone around her, which made it easy to normalizeKey Insight: “When I look back on that, I think, oh, that feels like bad behavior, but we were kind of all in this boat together.” — Kerry Hoffman[03:03] The Moment of Recognition: Control and Identity* Around 2018-2019, Kerry began noticing the disconnect between who she was and how she behaved when drinking* As a type-A project manager, she set rules she never followed: planning on two drinks and ending up with four or five* She recognized that without an external forcing function — kids, health crisis, relationship pressure — the change would have to come from herKey Insight: “I knew that if I wanted to make a change, I was going to have to proactively decide to make a change. The change wasn’t going to happen to me.” — Kerry Hoffman[09:12] The Strategy: One Drink a Week* Rather than going cold turkey, Kerry chose a single, clear rule: one drink per week* She felt an all-or-nothing approach would set her up to declare failure at the first slip* A trip to Japan four months in tested the rule — she broke it, felt terrible, and came home more committed than beforeKey Insight: “I knew that a complex set of rules was going to be too much to manage and too easy to break.” — Kerry Hoffman[15:30] What Sobriety Gave Her: Time, Writing, and the Morning* Kerry began waking at 5 a.m. to write, journal, or read — time that had previously been lost to winding down and rough mornings* She describes a consistent observation: even without a hangover, drinking disrupts sleep and slows the brain’s startup the next day* She flew herself to Savannah, Georgia for a self-designed three-day writer’s retreat, then did it again in RaleighKey Insight: “Ever since I stopped drinking, my brain is always exploding with ideas and fun things to write about, things to do, things to try.” — Kerry Hoffman[18:52] Creativity Beyond the Canvas: Curiosity as a Practice* Kerry challenges the idea that creativity belongs only to people who paint, play music, or write* She describes themed dinner parties, a daily photo practice from a writing class with Ann Napolitano, and actively looking for unexpected details on daily walks* She connects creativity to curiosity, calling it the most appealing quality in another personKey Insight: “I think creativity is very closely linked to curiosity. And that’s, I would say, the most appealing quality to me in another person — someone who is curious.” — Kerry Hoffman[27:46] The Proactive Life: Systems, Grief, and the Book in Progress* Kerry is writing a book about using systems-level thinking at the personal level — becoming the project manager of your own life* Her argument: goals rarely make it onto the to-do list because people don’t operationalize them alongside the daily demands* She also writes about grief, travel, and books on her Substack, and recently started a writer’s group of five people in New York CityKey Insight: “Too often, what we want to do, our goals, the things that we aspire to do, they actually don’t make it onto the to-do list, right? Because there are things that we think about, but we don’t operationalize it.” — Kerry HoffmanKey Quotes“I knew that if I wanted to make a change, I was going to have to proactively decide to make a change. The change wasn’t going to happen to me.” — Kerry Hoffman“The drinking is in charge, not me.” — Kerry Hoffman“I knew that a complex set of rules was going to be too much to manage and too easy to break.” — Kerry Hoffman“Ever since I stopped drinking, my brain is always exploding with ideas and fun things to write about, things to do, things to try.” — Kerry Hoffman“I think creativity is very closely linked to curiosity. And that’s, I would say, the most appealing quality to me in another person — someone who is curious.” — Kerry HoffmanResources Mentioned* Sober Curious — the book Kerry read on the flight home from Aruba that sparked her decision to change her relationship with alcohol* Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott — referenced at a book talk Kerry attended* The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin — Rubin’s practice of choosing a visual theme for daily walks* Ann Napolitano’s writing class — where Kerry learned the one-photo-a-day practice* Athletic Brewing — mentioned as an example of how the NA market has expanded since Kerry stopped drinkingWhere to Find Kerry* LinkedIn: Kerry Ann Hoffman* Instagram: @soverycary* Website: soverycary.coThank YouA heartfelt thank you to Heidi's Guitar Stuff, Florence Acosta, Inge van de Graaf, Noelle Richards, and everyone who joined us live for this conversation, and to Kerry Hoffman for her extraordinary honesty and insight. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.With The Reset, You Get To ChooseKerry didn’t wait for a reason. She looked at the gap between who she was and how she was living — and she chose to close it. No external pressure. No dramatic low. Just a clear-eyed decision that the drinking was in charge, and she wanted that back.That’s exactly the kind of person the Reset is built for.If you’re getting things done, showing up, functioning — but mornings take longer to come online, focus breaks more easily, and your output doesn’t match your effort — that’s worth paying attention to. Alcohol doesn’t have to feel like a problem to be quietly costing you.The Sober Creative Reset starts this week. It’s 30 days. One container. Daily reflections, weekly check-ins, and a private space for accountability and support. No labels. No lifetime decisions. No pressure to decide forever.This is the Release phase of the work — removing what’s obscuring your footing so you can see what’s actually there.And this cohort is pay your own price. You decide what it’s worth to you.Kerry said it herself: the change won’t come to you. You have to decide to make it.This is where you start. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

Some guests come to these conversations with a tidy arc — the fall, the turning point, the recovery. Doan Winkel doesn’t have that story. He has something interesting and one we explored: the willingness to still be in it.At 25, after three stints in rehab, a suicide attempt, and a collection of dangerous adventures he can only partially recall, Doan made a decision that no program, sponsor, or support group could make for him. He was exhausted. He quit. What he didn’t understand until his late 40s was that quitting substances wasn’t the same as dealing with the addiction. He had simply moved it somewhere else — into work. Into the all-consuming drive to build, teach, achieve, and impact. Into a PhD completed in three and a half years. Into a newsletter reaching 20,000 people. Into 80-hour weeks that cost him the same things the drinking once did.Now in his 50s, Doan is doing the harder work — the one without applause. He’s an associate professor of entrepreneurship, an AI education consultant, and a TEDx speaker who has helped shape curriculum at more than 120 institutions worldwide. He’s also a person still learning how to put the phone down, sit with his dogs on a quiet morning, and just be somewhere without his mind already being somewhere else. That tension — between drive and destruction, between output and what it costs you — runs through every minute of this conversation.[02:08] Growing Up in Indiana: Curiosity, Access, and the Feel-Good TrapDoan walks back through his teens — parties in Indiana fields, a boarding school outside Detroit with 400 teenage boys, minimal adult supervision, and proximity to a city. No trauma. No triggering event. Just access, older kids, and something that felt good.* Doan grew up in an intellectual household where parents were “pretty oblivious” — not neglectful, but not paying close attention.* Boarding school at 16 meant being surrounded by teenagers with “close to unlimited wealth” and little oversight near downtown Detroit.* He’s explicit that there was no family trauma at the root: “No, it was just friends...we started hanging out with them, and they like drinking beer. I can’t drink carbonation. It makes me throw up. So I was like, can’t do that. What else you got?”* By 25 he had done rehab, AA, NA — each with an interior motive that wasn’t really about getting sober.Key Insight: “Literally one day I was like, man, I’m just exhausted.” — Doan Winkel[07:08] The Transfer: Quitting One Thing, Starting AnotherThis section is the heart of the conversation. Doan explains what happened after he quit — and why, in his late 40s, he had to admit that quitting drinking wasn’t the same as dealing with the addiction.* He poured everything into academics and teaching, completing his PhD in about three and a half years when most people in his field take four or five.* The same addictive pattern — obsession, all-in focus, consequences to relationships — just relocated.* “It’s done probably on some level irreparable harm with my relationship with my wife, my relationship with my kid, just in general, lots of things.”* His child heading off to college in their 20s gave him a new vantage point: “coulda, woulda, shoulda.”* Therapy and “the benefit of 50 years of life” have helped him look back and start to see what actually matters.Key Insight: “I didn’t really change much in terms of consequences of my actions. I just shifted it to a different area.” — Doan Winkel[17:46] Work Addiction: The One That Benefits Other PeopleDoan describes the specific shape his work addiction takes and why it’s so hard to treat — because it produces good outcomes for others while doing damage closer to home.* Teaching gives him the same hit the substances once did: “People giving me feedback on the impact I can...I just want more of that. It’s still wanting more of the same type of feeling.”* He has no hobbies. When people ask what he does in his spare time, the honest answer is: “I work. Work, go to sleep.”* He describes the work obsession as emotionally destructive in the same ways as drinking — ignoring marriage, fatherhood, friendships, and the kind of presence that makes someone a whole person.* Back when he was using, all he could think about was the next drink or the next fix. Now: “I struggle mightily to stop thinking about work — just being present wherever I am.”* The pattern of thinking has been there since early life. Getting free of it is the actual hard work.Key Insight: “It’s more still equally, I think, emotionally destructive.” — Doan Winkel[23:21] Building New Habits: Small Steps, Real PresenceDoan talks about what’s actually working for him now — not grand overhauls, but structured small moments that create space between him and the pull of work.* His two chocolate lab sisters are a built-in morning ritual: early wake-up, no phone, no TV, just time with the dogs and whatever comes to mind that isn’t work-related.* When work creeps in — and it does, every single day — he trains himself to redirect: “emails gonna be fine later, still gonna...whatever.”* Coming home from work, he tries to be curious about his wife’s day rather than launching into a monologue about his own.* Travel is a bigger reset: “let’s just chill out...it’s not work stuff.”* He compares the practice to early sobriety: “I’m not going to drink for an hour” — just building the habit in small increments.Key Insight: “I’m not trying to overhaul anything. I’m not doing anything really big. It’s just these kind of smaller moments to build habits.” — Doan Winkel[29:13] Creativity, Sobriety, and Transferable SkillsBoth Josh and Doan explore the overlap between the resourcefulness required to sustain an addiction and the drive that fuels creative and entrepreneurial work.* “We had to be creative to keep doing what we were doing. So again, it’s sort of transferred over.”* The skills of adaptability, reading situations, and staying scrappy under pressure — developed during using days — translate directly to entrepreneurship.* “There’s skills we’ve developed and ways of thinking and ways of engaging with the world that we developed. We could transfer those to more positive ways and more positive outcomes.”* Doan describes himself as having “hustle for days” and “creativity for days” — and credits the unconventional route to those strengths.Key Insight: “We built those skills and they’re actually really valuable if put to use in a positive way.” — Doan Winkel[30:45] Teaching AI and Preparing Students for What’s Actually NextDoan shifts into his professional work: why he’s so invested in AI education, what he believes college is failing to do, and how a mastery-based approach is different.* His TEDx talk — titled “College Can Prepare You for the Real World, But It Doesn’t” — is, in his words, “still very relevant today, unfortunately.”* He sees his job as helping students get work that’s meaningful, pays the bills, and gives them purpose: “I see my job as helping them do that, as doing everything I can do to help them do that.”* Most classroom learning isn’t transferable on its own — students need coaching to connect the dots, and they need real projects, not just concepts.* On AI: “It’s not so much that it’s going to take jobs...it’s the people who don’t know how to use it are going to be replaced by people who do know how to use it. That’s it.”* He compares AI literacy to internet literacy: not optional, not a threat to identity — just the next thing people need to get good at.* His mastery-based framework emphasizes real-world projects, accountability, and skill-building over content delivery.Key Insight: “I don’t need to impart a whole bunch of content or knowledge...What I need to do is coach and train them on how you apply these things and how you transfer this knowledge and these experiences into things that are going to be in whatever you want to do in life.” — Doan WinkelKey Quotes“Literally one day I was like, man, I’m just exhausted.” — Doan Winkel“I didn’t really change much in terms of consequences of my actions. I just shifted it to a different area.” — Doan Winkel“It’s still wanting more of the same type of feeling. It’s just in a positive way that it’s a positive impact on others instead of a destructive impact on me or on others.” — Doan Winkel“The people who don’t know how to use it are going to be replaced by people who do know how to use it. That’s it.” — Doan Winkel“We built those skills and they’re actually really valuable if put to use in a positive way.” — Doan WinkelResources Mentioned* How to Teach with AI — Doan’s free Substack newsletter focused on AI in education* “College Can Prepare You for the Real World, But It Doesn’t” — Doan’s TEDx talk* Mastery-based learning — the pedagogical framework Doan uses with students, focused on real projects and skill transfer over content delivery* Work addiction / behavioral addiction — explored throughout the conversation as a concept distinct from substance dependency, with overlapping patternsWhere to Find Doan* LinkedIn — Doan’s most active platform for connection, conversation, and sharing his work: search Doan WinkelThank YouA heartfelt thank you to Harry Hogg, Shah Huzaifa, Florence Acosta, Rachel Connor, Noelle Richards, and to Doan Winkel for his candor and courage. Showing up honestly — especially when you don’t have everything figured out — is the thing. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.From This Conversation to Your OwnDoan’s story isn’t a recovery story in the traditional sense. It’s something more complicated and, for a lot of people in this community, more recognizable. The addiction didn’t disappear when the substance did. It found other places to live — productive ones, even admirable ones. But the cost was real.That’s exactly why the work matters. Sobriety is one piece. What comes after — who you’re building, how you’re showing up, what you’re actually doing with the clarity you’ve earned — that’s where The Sober Creative Method™ picks up.If you’re past the first question and into the harder one — not “should I stop?” but “what do I actually want my life to look like?” — that’s the 90-day work. We go through it together: Release → Create → Become. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

Phil Powis ❤️⚡️ walked into his mid-30s running a consulting business that looked like success from every angle. Over $100,000 a month. A growing reputation. And underneath all of it, a body slowly breaking down in ways no doctor could explain.By the time a golf ball-sized tumor appeared in his neck—with a 50/50 chance of cancer—Phil had spent years trying to outwork, outsmart, and outlast whatever was happening inside him. What the diagnosis gave him wasn’t a plan. It gave him a reckoning. And from that reckoning, everything changed: his diet, his relationships, his location, his relationship with alcohol, and eventually, the business he built alongside his partner Carolina Wilke.That business, Sacred Business Flow, operates from a simple premise—your business challenges and your personal challenges are the same pattern showing up in different rooms. In this conversation, Phil traces the long arc from sickness to clarity, shares where he’s landed on alcohol after 10 years without it, and talks about what he’s building next for people who hold something in their heart but haven’t yet found the courage to move toward it.[01:00] Phil’s Early Relationship with AlcoholPhil grew up in the South and started drinking around 15 or 16. He carried that through college, into corporate life in tech in Boston, and into his professional years—never feeling like it was a “problem” per se, but acknowledging there were periods where it was probably more than useful.* Alcohol was deeply tied to social identity—happy hours, networking, the culture around him. It wasn’t something he questioned; it was just part of how he connected with people.* The shift only came when his health started to deteriorate, and even then, alcohol was the last thing he was willing to let go of.* He eventually stopped drinking entirely—and wouldn’t drink again for over ten years.Key Insight: “I was still so tied into this identity of going and how I was connecting with people and socializing and things like this, that it was hard to let go of.”[07:00] When the Body Starts Sending SignalsIn his late 20s, Phil went from feeling like the picture of perfect health to waking up exhausted, dealing with aches, headaches, and a body that no longer felt like his. Doctors couldn’t pin it down.* He worked with ancestral health nutritionist Mary Rudick, who had her own story of illness and recovery. One of the first things she asked him to do was cut out alcohol.* Phil made the other dietary and lifestyle changes more easily—fasting protocols, food restrictions—but alcohol took longer. The health motivation eventually won out.* He didn’t drink for over 10 years, a period that overlapped with his most serious health challenges, including the tumor.Key Insight: “She’s like, if you’re on any sort of a healing path, this is not going to be helpful for that.”[11:30] The Tumor, the Surgery, and the Real RecoveryPhil spent about a year and a half walking around with an undiagnosed tumor while going to the Mayo Clinic for biopsies that couldn’t confirm whether it was cancerous. He was living in a low-grade, constant fear.* He was simultaneously working with Carolina Wilke (who would later become his business partner) on nervous system regulation and emotional work, doing dietary protocols, and exploring whether he could heal without surgery.* He eventually had the tumor removed. What followed was a rapid, remarkable recovery—one he credits to the compounding effect of all the shifts he’d made.* After the surgery, he realized how much of what he’d been doing—even the good, purposeful work—had been driven by a fear that time was running out.Key Insight: “I couldn’t, before that surgery, I couldn’t even do like one push-up...my nervous system was so fried.”[17:00] Choosing to Drink Again—and What That MeantAfter years of restriction during his illness, reclaiming his health meant slowly allowing things back in. Expanding his diet. Letting himself have birthday cake again. And, eventually, having his first beer.* For Phil, that first drink in Costa Rica with Carolina wasn’t a relapse or a capitulation—it was a celebratory claiming of his health. A marker of arrival.* He was clear that this is a deeply personal decision, and that he believes drinking can be a healthy social ritual when done responsibly and in moderation—for some people, in some seasons.* He joined the January Sober Creative Reset not from a place of necessity, but curiosity: what would it feel like to pause again, from a place of power rather than survival?Key Insight: “For me in that moment, it was a very beautiful celebratory claiming of my health back again.”[19:15] The January Reset: Choosing Clarity from Power, Not FearPhil came into the Reset asking a question most people in this community know well—who am I when I’m not using this thing to cope, connect, or coast?* He found the Reset to be a non-judgmental container where people were exploring their relationship with alcohol for very different reasons, and that felt important.* He’s been health-focused in his 40s in new ways—working toward physical goals he’s never had before—and part of that was wanting to examine alcohol’s role honestly.* His takeaway: it’s useful in any area of life to periodically question what’s running you and whether you’re conscious of it.Key Insight: “I think this is a very helpful thing to do in different aspects, not even just with alcohol, but other aspects of your life—is always to be questioning the role that things are playing and just making sure that you’re not being governed by things in ways that you’re not conscious of.”[23:25] Creativity, Mornings, and What Alcohol Actually Does to the WorkPhil is a 4 a.m. person. His best creative work—everything he writes for Substack, the ideas that flow without friction—happens in those early hours. That’s always been true, with or without alcohol in his life.* When he does drink, he’s made a clear personal rule: no creative work after that point. The ideas don’t fire the same way. He described feeling “blunted” and “not sharp.”* He’s never used alcohol as part of a creative process—unlike some of the documented history of writers and artists who did—because his most alive creative time is the morning, not the evening.* The correlation he’s observed: alcohol signals to his brain that the creative day is over.Key Insight: “I feel that alcohol does stunt...even though I still drink, I do feel that it stunts my creative process.”[30:20] What Phil Is Building: Sacred Business Flow and the New CommunityThree years into Sacred Business Flow, Phil and Carolina have been working with people who want to bring something from their hearts into the world—usually a business expression—but keep hitting invisible resistance.* Their existing work requires people to have already made a committed decision to move. But they’ve seen a whole group of people who hold a vision but aren’t quite there yet.* They’re launching a new community called Radiant Flow—a lower-cost, widely accessible space built around embodiment practices: movement-based, yoga-inspired, breathwork-influenced work designed to build capacity for creative expression.* The distinction Phil draws: most regulated people have inner practices that maintain a baseline of safety. Radiant Flow is for expansion—for moving through discomfort, resistance, and into the actual creation process.* Phil is also moving to Rio de Janeiro, settling beachside, and curious about what a new environment will do for his own creative output.Key Insight: “We’re helping people who hold something in their heart, a desire to create something...and maybe for a variety of reasons, they found it difficult to kind of get traction and move forward with that.”Key Quotes“After so many years of it being part of my identity, it was actually a bit confronting.” — Phil Powis“I realized it wasn’t until after the fact that I realized how much I was carrying around this idea...I had this deeply ingrained kind of subconscious belief that I was effectively slowly dying.” — Phil Powis“I think there is a way that drinking can be a healthy, social, celebratory ritual when done responsibly and when done in moderation.” — Phil Powis“Drinking or no drinking, I would say that alcohol has never really been part of my creative process and I see it more as a hindrance.” — Phil Powis“I think your reset really gave me a really beautiful opportunity just to reconnect with my own journey and to see how I felt.” — Phil PowisResources Mentioned* Sacred Business Flow — Phil and Carolina Wilke’s business and coaching framework (sacredbusinessflow.com)* Sacred Growth Club — their existing community on Substack* Radiant Flow — Phil and Carolina’s new embodiment-based community (launching at the time of this recording)* Mary Rudick — ancestral health nutritionist referenced in Phil’s health journey* Leo Babauta from Zen Habits — a creator Phil worked with during his consulting years* Mayo Clinic — where Phil received care and biopsies during his illnessWhere to Find PhilPhil Powis ❤️⚡️ is co-founder of Sacred Business Flow alongside Carolina Wilke. Find his writing on Substack as part of the Sacred Growth Club community. Their work sits at the intersection of business strategy and nervous system regulation—helping people move from idea to creation with both clarity and embodied readiness.Thank YouA heartfelt thank you to Florence Acosta, Finn Tropy | StackContacts, Michele Gill, Noelle Richards, Cheri Seagraves, and many others who joined us live for this conversation, and to Phil Powis ❤️⚡️ for his generosity, honesty, and the kind of story-sharing that makes this community worth showing up for. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.The April Reset Is Open — At Whatever Price Works for YouPhil came into the January Sober Creative Reset asking who he’d be if he chose to pause alcohol from a place of power, not necessity. He left with clarity.Phil’s testimony from the reset:I was part of Josh’s Sober Creative Reset in January of 2026. Josh created an incredibly supportive structure for allowing us all to examine our relationship with alcohol and the part we want it to play in our lives. In the end, I am not choosing to abstain from Alcohol fully, but the gift of this challenge was insights on when and why I choose to drink and how I want to approach it consciously going forward. This was a wonderful experience that I would recommend to anyone wanting to examine their relationship with alcohol.This conversation is a reminder that your relationship with alcohol doesn’t have to fit a label. It just has to be something you’re honest about. The Reset gives you a structured, non-judgmental space to get honest—about what’s running you, what you’re protecting, and what might open up when you create some distance from it.This April’s cohort is capped at 25 members, and the pricing is now pay-what-you-can. Because the barrier to examining your relationship with alcohol shouldn’t be a price point.If this conversation resonated, would love to share this experience with you in April.Discover what becomes possible when you remove the filter and start creating life from a clear lens. Let’s explore that together. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

Florence Acosta spent nearly 30 years giving everything she had to everyone around her.As a nurse. As a CRNA holding patients’ lives in her hands. As an executive director managing surgical teams, patient safety, and the invisible weight of being the person everyone else leaned on. As a daughter-in-law who watched her former father-in-law disappear into addiction while his family quietly stopped asking. As a wife who kept saying what she needed — and kept being met with silence.She gave and gave and gave. And she never once stopped to ask what was left in her own cup.Then, at 50, a stroke made the choice for her.A ruptured AVM she was likely born with and never knew about took her career, her ability to drive, and the identity she had spent decades building around strength and responsibility. It stripped away every role she had used to define herself.What she found underneath — slowly, through a women’s circle, through daily writing, through the courage to finally speak — was something she had been too busy pouring out to notice: herself.This conversation is about what happens when the cup runs dry. And what becomes possible when you finally decide to fill it.[00:00] Introduction — A Life Built Around Giving* Florence is a Michigan-based writer, retired healthcare professional, and the voice behind Becoming You, a daily Substack on intentional living and personal growth.* She spent nearly 30 years in nursing — including as a CRNA and executive director of a surgical center — before a hemorrhagic stroke at 50 permanently changed her life.* The stroke came from a ruptured AVM she was likely born with and never knew she had. It took her career, her ability to drive, and the identity she had built around being the one who holds everything together.* Florence now writes daily for people — women and men — who learned early that it wasn’t safe to ask for what they needed.Key Insight: “She’s living proof that sometimes it takes losing the life you built to finally start living the one that was always yours.” — Josh Woll[04:01] The Family That Stopped Asking — Addiction Up Close* Florence opened up publicly for the first time about her former father-in-law’s alcoholism — a presence she witnessed from the earliest days of her marriage.* As a nurse, her first instinct was to help. She couldn’t understand why those closest to him had gone quiet.* Over time she understood: they had tried for years, exhausted themselves, and eventually the silence became easier than hope. His drinking became the family’s unspoken backdrop.* He would wander from home and turn up at the liquor store. He’d leave family events with beer cans stuffed in his jacket pockets in the summer heat — and nobody said a word, because no one wanted to cause a scene.Key Insight: “They were saying things to try to get him to help himself, but it’s been so long that they were doing this that they just gave up on him, and this became his normal.” — Florence Acosta[07:58] The One Word That Makes Help Possible* Florence and Josh both arrived at the same word when talking about why helping someone in addiction is so hard: open.* Josh reflected on his own experience — people around him asking if he was sure he wanted another drink, and him being completely certain he was fine. No perspective on what others were seeing.* Florence connected it back to her father-in-law: he was never open to receiving help. And without that opening, even the most persistent love eventually wears itself out.* The hard truth: you can’t fill someone else’s cup if they won’t hold it out.Key Insight: “You have to be open to receiving it, to receive that help.” — Florence Acosta[13:21] The Cost of Always Putting Yourself Last* Florence described the particular weight of her anesthesia work: bringing patients to the brink of death and being held responsible for bringing them back.* But when asked what she did to take care of herself through all of it, her answer was immediate and honest: “I didn’t really take care of myself. I always put myself last.”* As a nurse, as a nurturer, as a caregiver — she poured everything out and kept running on empty.* The turning point came in 2019 when she joined a women’s circle: 20 women, meeting weekly for nine months, with two three-day offline retreats. It was the first time she was asked to reflect on what she actually needed.Key Insight: “I always put myself last. And I didn’t start putting myself first until 2019 when I joined this organization.” — Florence Acosta[17:23] The Talking Basket — Practicing the Ask* The circle used a practice called the talking basket — passed around so each person could voice their needs out loud, in front of others.* Florence was always the last to go. Always shy. Always hesitant to take up space or ask for anything.* The teachings weren’t meant to be answered to the group — they were meant to be sat with privately. Florence did the work. And through that reflection, she arrived at something simple she had never really let herself believe: I’m important too. I matter.* That realization — that her cup deserved to be filled too — changed everything that followed.Key Insight: “We can’t pour from an empty cup, right? So as nurses, we have to fill our cups up, too. Because you can give proportionately. But how can you give yourself emotionally if you don’t fill your cup, too?” — Florence Acosta[21:23] When an Empty Cup Breaks a Marriage* Florence connected the dots between her father-in-law’s untreated alcoholism and the slow unraveling of her marriage.* Her former husband had learned, growing up, to sweep hard things under the rug. He’d done it with his father for years. And when Florence told him what she needed, he did the same thing to her.* Not out of cruelty — out of habit. Out of a pattern so ingrained it felt like normal.* The birthday party image captures it: everyone watching her father-in-law leave with beer cans in his jacket pockets. Nobody saying a word. The silence was the problem.Key Insight: “Brushing under the rug became normal for him. And ultimately, that’s what led to the demise of our marriage.” — Florence Acosta[27:41] Filling the Cup — Community, Creativity, and Becoming You* Florence launched her Substack without researching it — she just built the page, started writing, and trusted that the right people would find it.* What fills her cup now: quality time with her mom, her husband, her stepdaughter. The comments on her Substack. The back and forth with readers who feel less alone because of her words.* She’s also building something new with her sister — a creative project she can’t fully reveal yet. The shift she named: as a child she preferred to work alone because you can go faster. What she knows now is that you can go farther with someone beside you.* Her platform, Becoming You, is still growing — and still grounded in the same belief that started it: authentic is the only thing worth being.Key Insight: “I just want people to come to this space and feel like they’re not alone and they can be themselves authentically. Because if you’re not you, then you’re fake. And we don’t want fake people in our lives.” — Florence AcostaKey Quotes“They were saying things to try to get him to help himself, but it’s been so long that they were doing this that they just gave up on him, and this became his normal.” — Florence Acosta“You have to be open to receiving it, to receive that help.” — Florence Acosta“I always put myself last. And I didn’t start putting myself first until 2019 when I joined this organization.” — Florence Acosta“We can’t pour from an empty cup, right? So as nurses, we have to fill our cups up, too. Because you can give proportionately. But how can you give yourself emotionally if you don’t fill your cup, too?” — Florence AcostaResources Mentioned* Becoming You — Florence Acosta’s daily Substack newsletter on intentional living, mindset, and personal growth* Women’s Circle / Sisterhood — The nine-month community experience Florence joined in 2019, including weekly gatherings and two three-day offline retreats* Substack — The long-form writing platform both Florence and Josh use to build real, vulnerable communityWhere to Find FlorenceThank YouA heartfelt thank you to Florence Acosta for her honesty, her openness, and for trusting this space with a story she hadn't shared before. And to Margaret Williams, MS, ACC, Little Edits Atelier, Patrick LaRose, 📚Carolyn Parker, Nabanita, and everyone else who showed up and listened — your presence is what makes these conversations worth having.Your Cup Deserves to Be Full TooFlorence spent nearly thirty years giving everything she had.As a nurse. As a caregiver. As the person everyone leaned on. She poured and poured and never once asked what was left in her own cup.Not because she didn’t care about herself. Because she never stopped long enough to check.Most of us don’t.We keep going. We keep producing. We keep showing up. And somewhere along the way, the depletion starts to feel like just... the terrain. Normal. Expected. The cost of doing the work.Alcohol fits neatly into that story. It softens the edges at the end of a long day. It makes the empty cup feel temporarily full.But it doesn’t fill it. It just makes you less aware of how empty it is.That’s what 30 days without it tends to reveal. Not emptiness — but capacity. The thing that was there all along, waiting for the noise to settle.Florence eventually found her way to that question. What’s actually in my cup? What’s mine?The Reset is a supportive path to the same inquiry.30 days. One container. Real clarity. No labels. No lifetime decisions. No pressure. Just a structured stretch of time to find out what’s underneath.Discover what becomes possible when you remove the filter and start creating life from a clear lens. Let’s explore that together. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

530 days sober and still counting — this conversation will remind you what it means to come home to yourself.Mary Peeples has lived many lives inside one. The theater kid from South Georgia who played Annie at the Fox. The boarding school girl who quietly lost herself trying to fit in. The 23-year-old editor-in-chief who, by her own account, torched it all by 25. And then, the one who finally walked into rehab — not as a breaking point, but as a bridge back.What makes Mary’s story so powerful isn’t just the sobriety. It’s the honest, patient work of excavating who she actually is beneath all the performances. The writing. The drawing. The day her dad heard her singing around the house again and knew she was coming back to life. The small, sacred acts of a person learning to trust herself.In this conversation, we talk about perfectionism, identity, creative recovery, and what it really means to dig out your own groove. Mary is currently 530 days sober, building her Substack Little Edits Atelier, and stepping back into music for the first time in years. This one’s for anyone who has ever lost their creative voice — and wondered if they could find it again.Show Notes[0:00] Introduction — The Many Lives of Mary Peeples* Mary began performing on a national tour of Irving Berlin’s White Christmas at 10 and played Annie at the Fox Theater in Atlanta at 11.* Even in moments of standing ovations, she was mouthing “I’m sorry” — a perfectionist before she knew what that word meant.* Singing became her identity in a small South Georgia town, but it also created an early tension between who she was and who she was expected to be.* Her story is one of a creative person who had to lose nearly everything to finally find what was real.Key Insight: “The more accomplishments I had, the more fun my life felt. And, you know, the more adventure there was.” — Mary Peeples[7:13] The Beginning of Drinking — Self-Medicating a Perfect Storm* Serious drinking began around age 19, following years at a high-pressure boarding school where Mary lost her sense of self.* She was surrounded by competitive, high-achieving peers and used achievement as a way to make friends and earn belonging.* An undiagnosed ADHD diagnosis until age 21, combined with rejection sensitivity and a pressured environment, created what she describes as a “perfect storm.”* Genetics and family history also played a role — Mary speaks openly about this without shame.Key Insight: “It was me self-medicating my ADHD... partly some PTSD from being in an environment where I didn’t know who I was.” — Mary Peeples[11:05] Walking Into Rehab — Surrender as a Choice* Mary knew she was going to rehab for two months before she went, and she chose to do it thoughtfully and methodically.* She describes rehab not as a crisis intervention but as “my only bridge back from whatever isolated island I had put myself on.”* The structure of rehab — morning routines, yoga, group sessions — felt oddly familiar, like boarding school or summer camp. Her body found homeostasis quickly.* The harder part wasn’t getting sober. It was facing the damage she had done to the people she loved.Key Insight: “Getting sober was easy... It has taken me more than 530 days to start to forgive myself for the hurt and the damage that I did to my loved ones.” — Mary Peeples[15:31] Creativity in Recovery — Digging Out Your Own Groove* In active addiction, Mary had lost all sense of creative urgency. The voices of the outside world — expectations, boxes, a lack of nuance — drowned out her own.* Getting sober gave her the space to ask a question she hadn’t asked in years: Who am I, really?* She returned to drawing, took art classes, and slowly began writing again — even though writing had felt completely out of reach.* Her father’s observation that she was “singing around the house again” became one of the most moving markers of her return to herself.Key Insight: “I dug out my own groove by getting sober. And I once again was fortunate and blessed enough to take a lot of time.” — Mary Peeples[19:56] Substack and the Unexpected Community* After a full year away from social media, Mary discovered Substack — the last place she expected to find creativity and community again.* Writing consistently, even without a clear weekly theme, began to nourish her in ways she hadn’t anticipated.* Her Substack Little Edits Atelier started as “the healing rack,” a recovery-focused space, before expanding into something more reflective of her full creative identity.* Writing has also served as an olive branch — healing relationships with friends of 20+ years through the honesty of her words.Key Insight: “Reading stuff from people like you and writing my own stuff... it has nourished me in a way that I never thought possible.” — Mary Peeples[21:00] The Toolkit — Practices That Support a Sober Creative Life* Mary’s recovery toolkit includes: yoga, The Artist’s Way morning pages, daily journaling, drawing, art therapy, and honest communication.* She completed a 90-day intensive outpatient program after rehab, and the practices she built there became “secondhand nature.”* Affirmations from The Artist’s Way have been particularly grounding — including “My creativity is meant for divine goodness.”* Her framing: “staying 10 steps ahead of my subconscious.” Spiritually grounded, practically applied.Key Insight: “It opens your ears up to your intuition, which then leads to creative choices that you’re channeling from this great big universe.” — Mary Peeples[25:04] Writing and the Inner Critic — Curiosity vs. the Voices* Mary’s most recent Substack piece documented 50 days into The Artist’s Way, describing how her inner world now feels “on the tip of her tongue.”* She drew a beautiful parallel to Homer invoking the Muses in The Odyssey — the idea that true creative power has to come from somewhere beyond yourself.* Despite her editorial background, she still wrestles daily with inner voices that say “you have no authority.”* The work is learning to stay in the curiosity without letting the inner critic kill the execution.Key Insight: “There’s a curiosity that I have. And then like kind of in the back of my head, the curiosity and in the execution, what voices are trying to keep me from believing in myself.” — Mary Peeples[30:02] What’s Next — Back to Music, Back to Life* Mary is working at a record shop, returning to music through a path she never could have predicted — and calling it “exposure therapy.”* She traveled abroad for the first time (to Greece) while sober, describing the willingness to feel fear and do it anyway as a core recovery value.* Her mom told her over Christmas: “Mary, you’re like your 40-year-old self now.” She took it as a compliment.* She describes this chapter as the end of a long treasure hunt — and what she’s finding in the trove is “all full of light.”Key Insight: “It’s doing the things and taking the leap even if you’re scared.” — Mary PeeplesKey Quotes“Getting sober was easy. It has taken me more than 530 days to start to forgive myself for the hurt and the damage that I did to my loved ones.” — Mary Peeples“I dug out my own groove by getting sober.” — Mary Peeples“It opens your ears up to your intuition, which then leads to creative choices that you’re channeling from this great big universe.” — Mary Peeples“I was just a bird with broken wings, seriously.” — Mary Peeples“It gets dark, but then it gets really, really bright and light, and then you don’t believe that it’s real.” — Mary PeeplesResources Mentioned* The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron — morning pages practice and affirmations* The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz — referenced in conversation around beliefs and agreements we hold about ourselves* Homer’s The Odyssey / The Iliad — invoking the Muses as a metaphor for channeling creative power beyond yourself* Big Fish (film, dir. Tim Burton) — referenced as a metaphor for being a big fish in a small pond* Ella Enchanted — referenced humorously in the context of gullibility and believing what others say* Yoga, journaling, and art therapy — all mentioned as consistent recovery and creative support practicesWhere to Find MaryMary Peeples writes at Little Edits Atelier on Substack — a space where her identity as a theater kid, former editor, and sober creative all fight for the keyboard. Her writing is honest, curious, and worth your time.Mary shared this link after our conversation, it’s her performing Annie on stage. The end when she walks off gave me chills. Keep singing Mary!! Thank YouA heartfelt thank you to everyone who joined us live for this conversation, and to Mary Peeples for her extraordinary honesty, warmth, and willingness to go deep. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.What Becomes Possible When You Can Finally Hear Yourself?Mary Peeples spent years performing for other people’s approval. The stage. The sorority. The editorial office. Always shape-shifting. Always striving. Always a little louder on the outside than she felt on the inside.And somewhere along the way, the creative voice she’d had since she was six years old just... went quiet. The writing dried up. The singing stopped. She didn’t lose it all at once. It just slowly slipped away.530 days later, she’s singing around the house again. She’s writing things that surprise her. She’s trusting the words coming out of her mouth for the first time in a decade.That’s what clarity does. Not dramatically. Not all at once. Slowly, the way light filters through trees when you’re finally standing still long enough to notice it.It doesn’t hand you a new identity. It gently returns the one you set down somewhere along the way.The Sober Creative Reset is 30 days of that kind of attention — daily reflections, weekly group calls, and a small private community of people who are ready to slow down and notice what’s been growing underneath the noise. No pressure. No lectures. Just mornings that invite something from you, and a warm container that holds you while you explore.The next Reset opens for enrollment tomorrow. Early access pricing is $149 for the first 24 hours — after that, it moves to $199. Twenty-five people. No more.If something in this conversation resonated — if you recognized even a little of yourself in Mary’s story — that quiet recognition is worth following.P.S. You can access all previous episodes here. If someone forwarded this to you and you’d like to subscribe, you’re always welcome here.Discover what becomes possible when you stop creating life through a filter. Let’s explore that together. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

What happens when a creative person spends years completely shut down — unable to work, unable to feel, unable to create? For Justin Donaldson, a landscape artist who now travels the United States in a camper with his family, the answer was a long and honest journey through trauma, therapy, and transformation. Justin grew up in a cult, experienced serious abuse, and spent years pushing through life without ever being taught to process what happened to him. When he finally found financial safety, his body sent him a message he couldn’t ignore: it was time to deal with everything.Justin’s story isn’t a traditional sobriety story. He never drank because alcohol made his body feel terrible. Instead, his path to clarity moved through cannabis to manage PTSD, and then guided therapeutic psilocybin work alongside serious therapy to confront what years of trauma had buried inside him. His relationship with substances was always intentional — a tool used out of necessity — and when he no longer needed them, he simply let them go. Today, two years substance-free, he doesn’t frame it as a moral choice. He just doesn’t need them anymore.What makes Justin’s perspective so powerful is the way his inner healing reshaped his creative work. He shifted from spending 40 hours on a single digital commission to painting vibrant gouache landscapes in 90 minutes from life. He went from being trapped in his head to painting from his gut. In this conversation, he shares the creative philosophy he’s built along the way — one rooted in deep listening, letting go of outcomes, and discovering what it truly means to be both the artist and the audience of your own work.[00:02] Growing Up in a Cult — The Roots of Shutdown* Justin grew up in a highly religious cult with an abusive home life. He was raised to avoid all substances — not from wisdom, but from control.* For most of his life, he was “very shut down” — suppressing emotions and surviving rather than truly living.* When he finally achieved financial stability through his art career, his body sent a clear signal: it was time to confront everything he had been carrying.* He was diagnosed with PTSD and found himself unable to work — his body forcing him to stop and process what his mind had been avoiding for decades.Key Insight: “My body was like, all right, you’re safe now. Now you got to deal with all your stuff.” — Justin Donaldson[00:05] Therapeutic Psilocybin and Intentional Healing* After therapy alone proved too slow — he was too shut down to access what needed healing — Justin researched cannabis for PTSD and psilocybin-assisted therapy.* Psilocybin works by expanding your capacity to hold and process difficult emotions. It allows you to feel fear or anger without shutting down completely.* He used cannabis to manage day-to-day overwhelm and psilocybin in structured sessions alongside therapy to confront deep trauma.* He views his nuanced relationship with substances through one key lens: intentionality, not morality. “What are we using them for?” is the only question that matters.Key Insight: “Magic mushrooms increase your capacity for emotional processing. So if you were to sort of get scared and you get too scared and you shut down, if you’re on magic mushrooms, you get scared and you can hold it.” — Justin Donaldson[09:00] The Point of No Return — When You No Longer Need Anything* Over about 18 months of serious work, Justin stopped shutting down, stopped having rage outbursts, and began truly listening to his wife and children without defensiveness.* He reached a place where he could process emotions entirely on his own — without needing a substance to expand his capacity to hold them.* He describes psychedelics as having an inherent “violence” — you’re not in control, and once taken, you must surrender to whatever comes up.* Substance-free for two years, he frames it simply: the situations that were once overwhelming no longer are. The need dissolved with the wound.Key Insight: “It got to a point where I just didn’t need those anymore and I can just do the emotional work myself now and have big change and big effects.” — Justin Donaldson[16:00] Becoming an Artist — From YouTube to 40,000 Followers* Justin taught himself to paint during a year-long visa wait in America — sitting down with YouTube and oil paints, going outside to find and paint beautiful places.* After years of freelance gigs and a brief stint coding for a game startup, he committed fully to painting — doing Upwork jobs, bridal portraits, and everything in between.* Mentors told him to cut everything that wasn’t nature-based — the work he truly loved. He listened, and within a month went from 400 to 40,000 Instagram followers.* Nature was his escape from the oppressive environment he grew up in. Painting it wasn’t career strategy — it was connection to the peace he had always needed.Key Insight: “As somebody who grew up in a very oppressive environment, going out into nature and finding things that are just like inherently very beautiful is what was kind of like my escape, the be all end all.” — Justin Donaldson[21:00] From 40 Hours to 90 Minutes — Surrendering to the Gut* As his inner healing progressed, Justin’s painting transformed — from 40-hour digital commissions to 90-minute gouache landscapes painted from life.* Painting from life forces a merciless surrender. Your brain turns off, and something will come out the end — great or terrible. Either way, you finish.* Counterintuitively, working from the gut made his analytical mind more powerful. Finishing more paintings faster means more learning and more refinement.* The same healing that allowed him to stop reacting and start listening in his relationships is what freed his creative process entirely.Key Insight: “Being in my gut has made my head more powerful.” — Justin Donaldson[23:00] Detaching from Right and Wrong — The Process Philosophy* Letting go of outcomes is the core of Justin’s practice. Latching onto the end result is exactly what stops you from moving forward.* When you frame creative work through right and wrong, you stop being able to learn. You either dismiss the good or reject the bad — neither teaches you anything.* True learning comes from curiosity: “Oh, that’s interesting that it happened that way. I could probably use this over here.” That’s the space where real skill grows.* Because he paints so many — including many terrible ones — he also regularly reaches the end of a painting and thinks: “How did I do that? That’s awesome.” That feeling is only possible when judgment is removed.Key Insight: “Detaching from right and wrong is process. And then detaching it from right or wrong as outcome, you actually end up being able to make a lot better decisions and really refine your process.” — Justin Donaldson[29:00] The Art of Deep Listening — Being Both Artist and Audience* What lights Justin up most is the convergence — when what he’s seeing, what he’s feeling, and what he’s painting all align at once. “That’s when it kind of starts to feel a bit like magic.”* Art doesn’t exist without the viewer. “The art doesn’t exist without me and my perception of it doesn’t exist without it.” Every creative act is also an act of psychology.* The goal is to hold both roles at once — the artist with deep intention, and the viewer with completely fresh eyes, receiving the work honestly and openly.* This is the same capacity he built in therapy — to stop being reactive, to listen deeply, to receive what’s actually happening without defense.Key Insight: “Getting everything to line up so that what I’m seeing and what I’m feeling and then what I’m painting kind of all have this convergence. And when you can get them all to sit in that spot where they converge, that’s when it kind of starts to feel a bit like magic.” — Justin DonaldsonKey Quotes“My body was like, all right, you’re safe now. Now you got to deal with all your stuff.” — Justin Donaldson“It got to a point where I just didn’t need those anymore and I can just do the emotional work myself now and have big change and big effects.” — Justin Donaldson“Detaching from right and wrong is process. And then detaching it from right or wrong as outcome, you actually end up being able to make a lot better decisions and really refine your process.” — Justin Donaldson“Being in my gut has made my head more powerful.” — Justin Donaldson“Getting everything to line up so that what I’m seeing and what I’m feeling and then what I’m painting kind of all have this convergence. And when you can get them all to sit in that spot where they converge, that’s when it kind of starts to feel a bit like magic.” — Justin DonaldsonResources Mentioned* Psilocybin-assisted therapy for PTSD — Justin references peer-reviewed studies on psilocybin’s effectiveness in expanding emotional processing capacity during trauma therapy* Cannabis and PTSD research — Studies on cannabis use for PTSD symptom management* Gouache painting — Justin’s primary medium for landscape work, which he also teaches online* Plein air painting (painting from life outdoors) — The practice that transformed Justin’s relationship with time, process, and creative surrender* City of Rocks, New Mexico — Justin’s current painting location at time of recording; a dramatic natural formation he describes as canyon-like and endlessly fascinatingWhere to Find Justin DonaldsonJustin is actively building his presence and shares his work and teaching across multiple platforms. Search for Justin Donaldson artist on any of the following:* Instagram — Landscape painting and process work* YouTube — Building a video repertoire (his current focus)* Twitter/X — Active presence* Online Courses — Landscape painting and gouache instruction via Zoom, with weekly feedback sessions open to all students regardless of when they enrolledThank YouA heartfelt thank you to Florence Acosta, Noelle Richards, Paul k, and many others who joined us live for this conversation, and to Justin Donaldson for his extraordinary honesty and openness. Sharing a journey this personal — from growing up in a cult to finding joy, presence, and creative freedom — takes real courage. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible and meaningful.Ready to Remove What’s Blocking Your Best Work?Justin’s story is a powerful reminder that the path to your greatest creative work isn’t about doing more — it’s about releasing what’s in the way.He found his freedom through years of honest inner work. And when he finally cleared the noise — the trauma, the reactivity, the need to control outcomes — what was waiting on the other side was clarity. Presence. And work that actually felt like magic.For many of us, alcohol plays the same role that Justin’s shutdown did. It keeps us from feeling. It keeps us from listening. It keeps us from that place where what we’re seeing, what we’re feeling, and what we’re creating finally converge.That convergence is what The Sober Creative Method™ is built for.It’s a 90-day journey designed to remove alcohol as the barrier between you and your greatest work. Not because drinking is wrong — but because you deserve to find out what’s possible when nothing is in the way.P.S. You can access all previous episodes here. If someone forwarded this to you and you’d like to subscribe, you’re always welcome here.Discover what becomes possible when you stop creating life through a filter. Let’s explore that together. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

Elif Ahmad didn’t walk into a detox center or sit in a circle of folding chairs to get sober. She stood in a shower, held out her hands, and asked the universe for help. Within 24 hours, three years of cocaine addiction simply stopped. No cravings. No withdrawal. Just a complete severing of the cords that had bound her to active addiction.Her story challenges everything the traditional recovery industry teaches about what it takes to heal. A classical pianist who performed her honors recital at 17, Elif was put on the streets by her mother shortly after that performance. Years of spiritual, physical, and emotional isolation led her to what she describes as “almost like a suicide thing”—addiction as a slow form of giving up. But through spiritual intervention, energy medicine, and a deep commitment to understanding the science behind healing, Elif discovered that recovery isn’t about labeling yourself as an addict forever. It’s about self-rediscovery.Elif had the beautiful intention to start our conversation off with the sounds of a Tibetan bowl, but the audio suppression during our live portion made it difficult to hear. She recorded this audio separately and I wanted to include that here for you. Enjoy! [05:28] The Path to Addiction: Rejection and Hopelessness at 17Elif shares the devastating catalyst that led her to addiction—being rejected and abandoned by her mother immediately after her honors recital at age 17. The combination of abandonment and other life challenges created a sense of complete hopelessness that eventually led to cocaine use as a form of slow suicide.* After her honors recital at 17, Elif’s mother decided she didn’t want her anymore and put her on the streets* Her mother never really spoke with her again* Combined with other challenges, this led Elif to lose all hope and sense of purpose* She felt incredibly alone “in all ways, spiritual, physical, emotionally”* Addiction became a form of slow suicide—a way of giving up on life* This continued for three years until she was ready to make a different choiceKey Insight: “Addiction was just a way for me. It was almost like a suicide thing.” - Elif Ahmad[06:40] Spiritual Awakening and Divine GuidanceDuring active addiction, Elif discovered psychic Sylvia Brown and became fascinated by spiritual connection. This curiosity led to a prayer that changed everything—and opened the door to spiritual guidance that would teach her how to heal without traditional treatment.* While in active addiction, Elif watched psychic Sylvia Brown on Montel Williams and read her books* She became interested in developing spiritual abilities and connecting with the non-physical world* One day she prayed to “mother God” (the feminine aspect of creator): “I just really don’t want to do this anymore. I’m ready to move on.”* She truly felt ready in her heart* Within 24 hours, her desire for cocaine completely stopped—”it was like any cords that were attaching me to addiction had been removed”* The non-physical world then taught her how to replace nutrients depleted during addiction* She made a promise to Spirit: “If you show me how to heal, I will go on and show others what you have shown me”* Spent the next 14 years researching allopathic medicine, holistic medicine, naturopathic medicine, energy medicine, mind-body-spirit connection, and meditationKey Insight: “There is so much help and so much love and support, unconditional love and support from the non-physical realm that is waiting for you. And all you need to do is ask.” - Elif Ahmad[08:16] The Shower Experience: Choosing TransformationElif describes the pivotal moment in the shower where she felt the walls closing in and knew she had to make a conscious choice between continuing on her destructive path or opening herself to transformation and healing. This moment of surrender became the turning point of her life.* While in the shower one night, Elif felt the walls closing in on her* She intuitively knew she had to make a decision: continue her current path or open to transformation* She turned her palms over and said: “Universe, please help me heal from this”* In that instant, she felt what felt like a warm blanket being put on her shoulders* In the depth of her physical heart, “it was like two chain links just reconnecting”* Her life was never the same from that moment* This experience of unconditional love became the foundation of her understanding that we are never truly aloneKey Insight: “I broke down and bawled my eyes out in that moment because the unconditional love that I felt was something I had never experienced on this physical earth plane by anyone.” - Elif Ahmad[11:59] Beyond the Medical Model: Epigenetics and Real HealingElif boldly challenges the traditional addiction treatment model, arguing it’s designed to keep customers rather than create healing. She explains the revolutionary science of epigenetics—that we are literally above our genetic expressions, meaning if a trigger created a disease state, we have the power to heal it.* The current approach to recovery is based on old science and a medical model “intended to keep customers”* Newer sciences (epigenetics, neuroscience, neuroplasticity, energy medicine, science of sound) prove we are far more powerful than we believe* Everything we say and think bounces back into our subconscious and affects biology at the cellular level* Every state of disease is a gene expression triggered by something unresolved* Must address thought patterns and unresolved traumas* The trigger is never physical—it’s always emotional/spiritualKey Insight: “Addiction is not who you are. You are far greater. And your purpose on this earth plane is waiting for you to connect with it.” - Elif Ahmad[16:42] Sound, Frequency, and Voice as Healing ToolsElif explains her understanding of disease as disharmony in the body’s frequencies, why alcohol is called “spirits,” and how our voice is our most powerful tool for healing—connecting ancient wisdom with modern physics and practical application.* The body is made of frequencies and sounds* Your voice is your most powerful tool—we can literally talk ourselves into or out of anything* Need to be mindful of self-talk—use your voice to lift yourself up, motivate, encourage, and inspire yourself* Why alcohol is called “spirits”: addiction (alcohol, drugs, gambling, anything) lowers our frequency* In a low vibrational state, we attract people and situations that are not good* Any state of disease is a chance to rediscover who we really are, claim our authentic self, and step into our powerKey Insight: “All recovery is, friends, is self-rediscovery. That’s it.” - Elif Ahmad[30:14] Returning to Childlike Wonder and Spiritual ConnectionElif explains the neuroscience of childhood programming and makes a powerful case for returning to the childlike qualities of openness, curiosity, resilience, and spiritual connection that we lose as we grow older and accumulate layers of trauma and conditioning.* The Theta State: Up until age 7, we operate in a theta wave state (like the meditation brain wave state—a much slower frequency)* When we were little and fell down, we just got back up* Instead of dusting ourselves off when we fall, it becomes something way more intense, and we struggle* There is “so much more support and love than we see with our physical eyes”Key Insight: “Jesus, or as I call him, Yeshua, you know, said you need to be childlike. And in a sense that we need to be open and curious and have that sense of wonder again.” - Elif AhmadKey Quotes“Addiction was just a way for me. It was almost like a suicide thing.” - Elif Ahmad“I really felt that in my heart that I was ready and not even 24 hours later, boom, it just stopped. I didn’t want it anymore.” - Elif Ahmad“I broke down and bawled my eyes out in that moment because the unconditional love that I felt was something I had never experienced on this physical earth plane by anyone.” - Elif Ahmad“There is so much help and so much love and support, unconditional love and support from the non-physical realm that is waiting for you. And all you need to do is ask.” - Elif Ahmad“Addiction is not who you are. You are far greater. And your purpose on this earth plane is waiting for you to connect with it.” - Elif Ahmad“All recovery is, friends, is self-rediscovery. That’s it.” - Elif Ahmad“You are loved. You are powerful. You are amazing. You are absolutely beautiful souls. You just need to remember that.” - Elif AhmadResources Mentioned* Books:* “Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself” by Dr. Joe Dispenza (neuroscience, quantum physics, gene expression)* “Resonant Currents” by Wisdom House Publishing (understanding energy and frequency)* Spiritual Teachers:* Sylvia Brown (psychic who appeared on Montel Williams)* Sciences/Fields:* Epigenetics* Neuroscience and neuroplasticity* Energy medicine* Sound healing/science of sound* Healing Modalities:* Reiki* Sound healing with Tibetan bowls and tuning forks* HypnosisWhere to Find Elif Ahmad* Facebook: Musical Life* Email: [email protected]* Facebook Messenger: Available for questions and further conversation about topics discussedThank YouA heartfelt thank you to Jessica Drapluk, James Martin | Made By James, Noelle Richards and everyone who joined us live for this conversation, and to Elif Ahmad for her extraordinary compassion and wisdom. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.Your Non-Traditional Path Might Be WaitingElif’s story reveals something essential: recovery doesn’t have to follow someone else’s script. Whether your path includes spiritual practice, creative expression, traditional treatment, or something entirely your own—what matters is that you’re ready to choose transformation.If you’re sensing that alcohol is blocking your creative potential and personal growth, The Sober Creative Method™ offers a structured 90-day journey designed specifically for those looking to create a new path. Using the RELEASE → CREATE → BECOME framework, you’ll discover what’s possible when you remove alcohol as the barrier to your greatest work.This isn’t about fitting into someone else’s definition of recovery—it’s about finding your own path home to yourself.Discover what becomes possible when you stop creating life through a filter. Let’s explore that together. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

When the work of being seen becomes more important than the comfort of staying hiddenInge van de Graaf lives above a bar. Not near one—above one. The ground floor of her home is De Amer, a cultural cafe and music venue with velvet curtains, a fully stocked bar, and decades of history. For a woman navigating sobriety, this might sound like an impossible setup. But for Inge, a trauma therapist and medicine woman from the Netherlands, it became the perfect teacher.Inge spent most of her life terrified of being seen. She named her practice after a tree because it felt safer than using her own name. She called herself a regression therapist because it was explainable, professional, contained. But the work she actually does goes far deeper—guiding people across thresholds from conscious problems to unconscious origins, from who they think they should be to who they actually are. When she finally stepped into her truth as a medicine woman and gatekeeper, the fear of rejection showed up louder than ever.In this conversation, Inge shares her journey from a bottle of whiskey waiting on the counter every night to choosing clarity over comfort. From a throat cancer diagnosis that forced her to face what she’d been suppressing to living above the very place where others gather to drink. This isn’t a story about willpower. It’s about what becomes possible when you stop performing safety and start living from a place of intentional choice.Show Notes[03:22] The Beginning: A Bottle of Sherry at 14Inge traces her drinking history back to age 14, when she bought herself a bottle of sherry while her parents were away for the weekend. She found it disgusting but drank it anyway. Over the years, her relationship with alcohol shifted—sometimes she didn’t drink at all, and other times she used it to numb herself when life felt too challenging or she was deeply unhappy.Key takeaways:* Early drinking wasn’t about enjoying alcohol but about the effect it produced* Periods of not drinking alternated with periods of using alcohol to cope* The pattern of numbing uncomfortable feelings established earlyKey Insight: “A fear of being visible and not living the life that I would like for myself. And this would show up as an uneasiness in me.” - Inge Van De Graaf[05:11] The Performance of Safety: Hiding in Plain SightWhile married with two young children and working as a housewife, Inge kept telling herself she was happy and that this was the life she chose. But deep down, she knew it wasn’t how she was meant to live. Rather than being honest with herself, she used alcohol to avoid feeling the discomfort of living inauthentically.Key takeaways:* Alcohol became a tool to avoid confronting the gap between her real life and her desired life* The things she truly wanted to do required visibility and showing up authentically* Fear of being visible kept her trapped in a life that didn’t fitKey Insight: “With things that I really wanted to do, I would have to be visible. I would have to show up. And, yeah, that was so scary that I just was not going to do that.” - Inge Van De Graaf[06:42] The Wake-Up Call: Throat Cancer and the TruthNine and a half years ago, Inge was diagnosed with a throat tumor. When the oncologist asked if she drank, she lied and said “the odd glass.” In reality, she always had a bottle of whiskey ready and was drinking far more than was healthy while still functioning in her job and family life. This diagnosis made her realize that alcohol likely contributed to the tumor, and that the tumor itself was connected to not expressing herself—keeping everything “just below the throat.”Key takeaways:* The physical manifestation appeared in the very place connected to self-expression* Inge recognized the connection between suppressing her voice and the throat tumor* She was a high-functioning drinker who maintained all external responsibilities* The diagnosis forced her to see the truth she’d been avoidingKey Insight: “I also realized that when things show up here, it has to do with expressing oneself. I wasn’t expressing myself. I was keeping everything, well, just below the throat. I wouldn’t speak up. I wouldn’t say what I really wanted. I was making myself small. Drinking was a way of coping with that.” - Inge Van De Graaf[09:05] Living Above the Bar: An Unexpected TeacherFor over eight years, Inge has lived directly above De Amer, a bar in her home. When she first joined The Sober Creative Reset, she walked past shelves of liquor every single day. Rather than seeing this as an obstacle, she began to see it as an opportunity to practice. The bar is run by her partner, and being present there—sitting at the bar, having conversations while others drink—became part of her sobriety journey rather than a threat to it.Key takeaways:* Living above a bar forced daily confrontation with alcohol rather than avoidance* She learned to be present in spaces where alcohol is consumed without drinking* The environment became a practice ground for confidence in her choice* Her partner’s support made the living situation workableKey Insight: “It’s a great practice to just be present at the bar and be okay with them drinking and me not drinking. And after going through this past month, I even have more confidence in that. Like, this is my choice. I’m not drinking. I don’t need to and I don’t want to.” - Inge Van De Graaf[14:29] From Hiding to Medicine Woman: Reclaiming Her IdentityFor years, Inge hid her true work behind safer, more explainable titles. She named her practice Thuja (after a tree) because using her own name felt too vulnerable. She called herself a regression therapist because it was professional and contained. About a year ago, she made the shift—changed her business name to Praktijk van Inge and started calling herself what she actually is: a medicine woman, gatekeeper, and guide.Key takeaways:* Fear of rejection was her lifelong theme, showing up in how she presented her work* Using a tree name and clinical titles kept her safe but inauthentic* Stepping into her truth as a medicine woman required confronting deep fears* The work she does—guiding people through plant medicine ceremonies and deep subconscious healing—deserves to be named accuratelyKey Insight: “I was terrified of being rejected. And I see that at work as well. And I named my business after a tree, the Thuja, because that felt less vulnerable than using my own name.” - Inge Van De Graaf[18:12] The Support System: Partnership and CommunityInge’s partner also participated in The Sober Creative Reset, creating a shared experience that strengthened both their individual journeys and their relationship. This mutual support proved especially powerful when planning their upcoming vacation—for the first time, they looked at each other and decided together not to pack bottles of whiskey and wine for the trip.Key takeaways:* Having a partner who participates creates accountability and shared experience* Previous vacations always included bringing alcohol as a given* Making the choice together to leave alcohol behind felt like a significant milestone* Community support through the reset experience provided additional reinforcementKey Insight: “Previous holidays would always be have a bottle of whiskey, have a few bottles of wine with us. And this time we looked at each other and said, what are we going to do? And both of us went, uh-uh. We’ll leave them where they are in the store and have a holiday without alcohol. So that’s a big difference, yeah.” - Inge Van De Graaf[18:30] Creative Expression: Shields from CeremonyInge creates felt shields that hang on the wall behind her, made after significant ceremonial experiences like sweat lodges or ayahuasca ceremonies. She works with wet felt and wool, building each piece from scratch using her hands, choosing colors intuitively. The process starts with an idea, but the work creates itself as she goes—never coming out exactly as she pictured it beforehand. After the felting process, she adds detail work with her sewing machine. These shields serve as visible representations of profound internal experiences.Key takeaways:* Creates art as a way to make special ceremonial experiences visible and tangible* Works with wet felt and wool, building pieces entirely by hand from scratch* The creative process is intuitive and organic, flowing beyond initial concepts* Art serves as integration work, making internal transformation externalKey Insight: “When I have certain experiences that are very special to me, usually they have to do with some kind of ceremony. It could either be a sweat lodge or plant medicine. I like to make something out of it, to have it visible.” - Inge Van De Graaf[26:57] What Fills the Space: Creativity ReturnsWhen asked what occupied the time previously spent drinking, Inge described returning to walking and her Qigong practice—things she knew were important but often deprioritized when caught in the cycle of thinking she needed to do other “more important” things. Most notably, she started drawing again in the evenings for relaxation. She summarized the shift simply: “Creativity definitely started to flow again.”Key takeaways:* Physical practices like walking and Qigong replaced evening drinking* Drawing returned as a creative outlet and source of evening relaxation* The tendency to deprioritize self-care diminished without alcohol* Creativity flourished in the space that opened upKey Insight: “I started drawing again so that’s you know in the evenings for relaxation I love that stuff...creativity definitely started to flow again.” - Inge Van De Graaf[31:46] The Research Shows: Consciousness Matters More Than PerfectionInge referenced a research program called Christy that tracked participants’ drinking behavior through questionnaires once or twice a year. The outcome wasn’t that everyone quit drinking altogether, but that most people were drinking less and were more conscious of alcohol and the role it played in their lives. This perspective shift emphasizes awareness and intentionality over absolute abstinence.Key takeaways:* Research supports that increased consciousness around alcohol creates lasting change* Complete abstinence isn’t the only measure of success* Awareness of alcohol’s role in life leads to more intentional choices* Regular check-ins and resets throughout the year compound the impactKey Insight: “One of the outcomes of the program was that definitely not everybody quit drinking altogether, but most of the people were drinking less, and they were more conscious of alcohol and the role it played in their lives. So when you’re doing these resets throughout the year, imagine what an impact that can have.” - Inge Van De GraafKey Quotes“A fear of being visible and not living the life that I would like for myself. And this would show up as an uneasiness in me.” - Inge Van De Graaf“I also realized that when things show up here, it has to do with expressing oneself. I wasn’t expressing myself. I was keeping everything, well, just below the throat. I wouldn’t speak up. I wouldn’t say what I really wanted. I was making myself small. Drinking was a way of coping with that.” - Inge Van De Graaf“With things that I really wanted to do, I would have to be visible. I would have to show up. And, yeah, that was so scary that I just was not going to do that.” - Inge Van De Graaf“It’s a great practice to just be present at the bar and be okay with them drinking and me not drinking. And after going through this past month, I even have more confidence in that. Like, this is my choice. I’m not drinking. I don’t need to and I don’t want to.” - Inge Van De Graaf“I started drawing again so that’s you know in the evenings for relaxation I love that stuff...creativity definitely started to flow again.” - Inge Van De GraafResources Mentioned* De Reis naar Binnen - Inge’s practice name, meaning “the journey inward”* Praktijk van Inge - Inge’s current business name* Christy Research Program - Referenced study tracking alcohol consciousness and behavior changes* Qigong - Movement practice Inge returned to during the reset* The Sober Creative Reset - 31-day program Inge participated inWhere to Find Inge Van De GraafInge Van De Graaf is a trauma therapist, medicine woman, and gatekeeper practicing in the forests of Drenthe, Netherlands. She works with regression therapy, plant medicine ceremonies, and deep subconscious healing through her practice, Praktijk van Inge.Website and contact information available upon request for those interested in her work.Thank YouA heartfelt thank you to Paul Overton, Rachel Connor, Noelle Richards, Phil Powis ❤️⚡️, Carolina Wilke and to everyone who joined us live for this conversation. A special thank you to Inge van de Graaf for her extraordinary courage and honesty. Your willingness to be visible makes these conversations possible.Your Turn: The Sober Creative ResetIf Inge’s story resonates with you—if you recognize yourself in the gap between who you’re presenting and who you actually are, or if you’re curious about what might shift when you remove alcohol from the equation for 31 days—the next Sober Creative Reset launches in April.This isn’t about willpower or perfection. It’s not about labeling yourself or committing to forever. It’s about creating space to see what’s actually there when you’re not numbing, performing, or staying small.The reset includes daily prompts designed to be short and actionable, weekly group calls with guided meditations, and a community of individuals exploring the same territory. Some participants stop drinking entirely. Others drink less. All of them become more conscious of the role alcohol plays in their lives. Discover what becomes possible when you stop creating life through a filter. Let’s explore that together. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

Georgia Kohlhoff knows what it’s like to have food occupy every corner of your mind. As a registered nutritionist, personal trainer, and trainee psychotherapist, she spent over two decades cycling through strict meal plans, obsessive tracking, and “intuitive eating” that spiraled into chaos. She calculated that food noise consumed over 700 hours of her year—just thinking about what to eat next.What Georgia discovered through her own messy journey transformed how she helps others. The women she works with are high-achievers who’ve succeeded at almost everything else in their lives. They know an apple is healthier than chocolate. They don’t lack willpower or information. They lack understanding of why they reach for food—or alcohol—when emotions run high.In this conversation, Georgia shares the surprising parallels between our relationship with food and alcohol, why midlife women are especially vulnerable to these patterns, and the simple practices that help us find joy without numbing. Her insights cut straight to the heart of what we’re really seeking when we reach for comfort.Show Notes[00:00] Georgia’s Background and Relationship with AlcoholGeorgia opens up about her university years—drinking until she was unwell, working evening bar shifts, then drinking again the next night. She describes putting herself in dangerous situations while young and feeling invincible.* Got alcohol “out of her system” quite young and lost interest afterward* Now notices even one drink disrupts her sleep significantly* Her partner is teetotal, which naturally discourages drinkingKey Insight: “I always feel better that way. I sleep better. I wake up and I’m less of a monster the next day if I’ve had good sleep.”[06:20] How Alcohol Affects Women Differently (Especially in Midlife)Georgia shares her expertise on menopause and alcohol interactions, explaining why the effects feel rougher as we age.* Women have a reduced ability to metabolize alcohol, so it stays in the system longer* Poor sleep from alcohol impacts hunger, fullness, emotional regulation, and cravings the next day* Creates a cycle: alcohol disrupts sleep, leads to caffeine and sugar cravings, which disrupts sleep again* Hot flashes are more frequent and intense with higher alcohol consumptionKey Insight: “You don’t wake up the next day kind of thinking I can’t wait to eat a salad. You wake up and it’s like I just want carbs and sugar and salty food.”[10:17] The Menopause Transition and Increased VulnerabilityGeorgia explains why midlife is a particularly challenging time and why women often reach for alcohol during this phase.* Average menopause age is 51-52, but perimenopause can last 5-15 years* The biggest suicide risk for women is at age 52—right when menopause typically occurs* Women tend to drink more during this transition due to uncomfortable symptoms and life pressures* More volume consumed plus reduced metabolism equals compounded effectsKey Insight: “It’s a time of life when women tend to drink a little bit more than perhaps they would have.”[16:22] From Archaeology to Psychotherapy: Georgia’s Unexpected PathGeorgia shares her unconventional journey through multiple disciplines to arrive at her current work.* Started as an archaeology student, then pivoted to personal training* Noticed clients struggling with binge eating couldn’t be helped through exercise alone* Qualified as a nutritionist but realized clients already knew what to eat* Now training as a psychotherapist to address the why behind food behaviorsKey Insight: “Everybody knows that an apple is full of fiber and vitamins. It’s not about knowledge. It’s really about why we’re using food the way that we’re using it.”[19:04] The Purpose Behind Comfort Eating and DrinkingGeorgia breaks down the psychological functions that food and alcohol serve—and why we keep returning to them even when we don’t like the results.* Both can provide distraction from emotions we don’t want to engage with* Both can numb feelings we’re experiencing* Both serve as procrastination from coping with difficult emotions* Both offer unwinding and de-stressing at the end of the day* The brain can mistake “absence of pain” for joy and start seeking that outKey Insight: “Drinking or eating can take away the pain for a while and we can start to mistake the absence of pain for the closest to joy that we can reach.”[23:00] Healthy Practices for Difficult MomentsGeorgia offers practical approaches for emotional regulation that don’t involve numbing.* Practice genuine gratitude for small things that actually gave you something that day* Try “mindful moments”—running through all five senses to ground yourself in your body* Focus on something close, then something far away to zoom out from the situation* Deep breathing when feeling reactiveKey Insight: “No day is 100% bad... there’s always a mix of the two. Very few of us will live a day that is nothing but bad or nothing but good.”[32:14] Creativity and Simple JoysGeorgia shares how she incorporates creativity into her daily life and the power of returning to childhood pleasures.* Found a coloring book from COVID lockdown and now colors before cooking dinner each evening* Enjoys salsa dancing, painting things, and nurturing plants* Puzzles, friendship bracelets, skipping rope—things we did as kids for no reason other than funKey Insight: “Joy doesn’t—you don’t have to earn your joy. We think we do. We think we have to do something and then I can have the chocolate or achieve something and then I can buy myself some new jeans. But sometimes it’s like, you could just color that in right now if you wanted to for five minutes just because.”Key Quotes“We don’t do things that don’t serve a purpose. We certainly don’t repeatedly do those things. So a lot of the time it’s kind of understanding, well actually what does this—how does this serve me? What’s it doing for me?” — Georgia Kohlhoff“Your brain’s doing its best to get you through something.” — Georgia Kohlhoff“All the childhood stuff that you used to do that had no purpose other than just it was fun, are great things to bring back in.” — Georgia Kohlhoff“We all get so busy being an adult and getting on with the stuff that we don’t make time for the fun stuff.” — Georgia KohlhoffResources Mentioned* Hardwiring Happiness by Rick Hansen — Book on negativity bias and rewiring the brain for happiness* Mindful Moments Practice — Grounding technique using all five senses (see, hear, feel, smell, taste)* The Three U’s Framework — Georgia’s approach: Understand, Unlearn, UnlockWhere to Find Georgia* Website: flourishinghealth.uk* Instagram: @georgia.flourishinghealthThank YouA heartfelt thank you Noelle Richards, Autumn Day, and many others who joined us live for this conversation, and to Georgia Kohlhoff for her extraordinary openness and practical wisdom. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.Ready to Reclaim Your Creative Energy?Georgia’s insights about food and emotional regulation apply directly to our relationship with alcohol. Both serve the same purpose: numbing, distracting, and providing false comfort when we don’t know how to sit with difficult emotions.If you’re ready to explore what’s possible when you stop numbing and start creating, The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey to remove alcohol as the barrier to your greatest work.Because the creative breakthrough you’re seeking isn’t on the other side of another drink—it’s on the other side of clarity.Discover what becomes possible when you stop creating life through a filter. Let’s explore that together. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

Paul Overton quit drinking 30 years ago, though he admits he doesn't keep close track anymore. Growing up in 1970s California as a Gen X kid left to his own devices, he started drinking at 12 or 13 and was introduced to cocaine at 16. His family normalized alcohol. Nobody was angry or out of control, but “everybody was definitely half in the bag most of the time once it got to past two in the afternoon.”For years, Paul worked as a dance teacher traveling the world, and alcohol remained his constant wind-down ritual. He always felt a hole inside that he tried to fill with substances, sex, and other addictive patterns. Eventually, he recognized the problem and told his partner he needed to stop.But removing alcohol was just the beginning. In his late 40s and early 50s, Paul embarked on several intentional psychedelic journeys—not for recreation, but as medicine alongside EMDR therapy to clear the trauma, shame, and grief underneath his drinking. Today, he facilitates The Men’s Circle, where men practice showing up without performance, learning to regulate their nervous systems and build real connection. His journey reveals that sobriety doesn’t follow one prescribed path—and healing means removing what harms us while still doing the deeper work of repair.Show Notes[02:08] Growing Up Gen X: Early Experiences with SubstancesPaul shares his California upbringing in the 1970s and his early relationship with alcohol and cocaine.* Started experimenting with alcohol at age 12-13, introduced to cocaine at 16* Grew up in an environment of “well-regulated alcoholism” where family members were functional but consistently drinking* Used substances to fill an internal void he always feltKey Insight: “I always felt a hole in me, with alcohol and substances and whatever I could find, including, you know, sex and all kinds of other things like that. You know, it’s just that addiction cycle was just heavy within me.”[04:00] The Decision to Get SoberHalfway through his dance career, Paul recognized his drinking had become a problem and decided to stop.* Made the decision with the support of his partner* His father had been sober for 10-12 years at that point through AA* Tried AA but found support through family and friends instead* Has been intentionally sober for 30 yearsKey Insight: “I said to my partner, I said, look, I think I’ve got a problem. I think this has become too much a part of my life. And I’ve got to I’ve got to stop this.”[05:24] Peeling the Trauma Onion: Behaviors vs. Unmet NeedsPaul explains the concept of the “trauma onion” and how healing requires moving from behaviors to understanding deeper needs.* The outer layer is behaviors (addiction, compulsions)* The next layer is unmet needs driving those behaviors* The innermost layers are belief systems and attachment wounds* Sobriety alone doesn’t address the core wounds that created the need for substancesKey Insight: “On the outside of that onion is behaviors, you know, and on the inside, the next layer in is unmet needs, right? And so I had to figure out what my unmet needs were that were causing those behaviors on the outside.”[08:17] Psychedelics as Healing Tools: Intentional Work After Decades SoberIn his late 40s and early 50s, Paul used psychedelics intentionally for trauma healing, not recreation.* Combined psychedelic journeys with EMDR therapy for maximum effectiveness* Used these experiences to access and process deeper layers of trauma, shame, and grief* Emphasized these were intentional healing practices, not recreational use* The work addressed wounds that had been underneath his drinking all alongKey Insight: “In his late 40s and early 50s, he embarked on several intentional psychedelic journeys for healing, not recreation, using these experiences alongside EMDR therapy to clear trauma, shame, and grief that had been underneath his drinking all along.”[18:27] The Nervous System Revolution: Why Regulation Matters More Than WillpowerPaul discusses how understanding nervous system regulation changed his approach to healing and working with others.* Most healing work focuses on thoughts and behaviors but ignores nervous system states* True change requires learning to regulate your nervous system, not just changing your thinking* Co-regulation with safe others is essential for healing* The body keeps score and must be included in any real transformationKey Insight: “Most men don’t need fixing—they need to be less alone, more regulated, and more connected over time.”[26:31] The Loneliness Epidemic: Why Men Struggle to Make FriendsPaul addresses the crisis of male friendship and why initiation feels so uncomfortable for men.* Women tend to have multiple friendships with built-in redundancy* Men have forgotten how to make friends and feel intense discomfort with male-to-male initiation* Cultural homophobia and toxic masculinity make reaching out to other men feel “yucky”* Men often dump all emotional needs onto romantic partners, which isn’t fair or sustainableKey Insight: “We forgot how to make friends. And now initiation with another man feels yucky. It feels awful to try to initiate with another man. Even if you’re having a conversation and say, hey, Josh, I really like this conversation. I’d love to continue it. Could we have coffee sometime or something like that? Even that feels so uncomfortable to most men.”[30:22] Small Groups and Co-Regulation: Building Sustainable ConnectionThe conversation wraps with reflections on the value of small, intimate groups for nervous system regulation.* Both Josh and Paul prefer small groups over large social gatherings* Small groups allow for co-regulation rather than overwhelming the nervous system* Consistency matters more than intensity—regular connection with safe people is transformative* Paul maintains a 40-year friendship where they meet every Sunday to talk about lifeKey Insight: “I think just within the small groups that I pick, there just have to be other people that I can co-regulate with, right. There has to be, it can’t be a bunch of non-regulated dudes hanging out together because that just ups the ante of all the nervous system stuff.”Key Quotes“I always felt a hole in me, with alcohol and substances and whatever I could find, including, you know, sex and all kinds of other things like that. You know, it’s just that addiction cycle was just heavy within me.” - Paul Overton“We all have this little onion we need to peel. On the outside of that onion is behaviors, you know, and on the inside, the next layer in is unmet needs, right? And so I had to figure out what my unmet needs were that were causing those behaviors on the outside.” - Paul Overton“A lot of men aren’t closed off by nature. They’re just well-trained.” - Paul Overton“We forgot how to make friends. And now initiation with another man feels yucky. It feels awful to try to initiate with another man.” - Paul Overton“Most men don’t need fixing—they need to be less alone, more regulated, and more connected over time.” - Paul OvertonResources Mentioned* EMDR Therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)* The Men’s Circle - Paul’s men’s group, meets twice weekly (once online, once in-person for walks)* Nervous System States: Ventral vagal (safe/social), Sympathetic (fight/flight), Dorsal vagal (shutdown/collapse)* Psychedelic-Assisted Therapy - Used intentionally as medicine for trauma processingWhere to Find Paul OvertonTrauma informed support for men seeking stability and connection.Ground offers support for men navigating stress, isolation, and overload. This work helps men slow the pace, reduce internal pressure, and show up more fully with themselves and the people they care about.http://www.groundmenswork.comHe currently offers a paid tier but everyone gets the same content free right now. He welcomes subscribers, comments, and engagement.Thank YouA heartfelt thank you to Bob Lewis, Noelle Richards, and many others who joined us live for this conversation and to Paul Overton for his extraordinary honesty and wisdom. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.From Removing Substances to Restoring CapacityPaul finished his dance teaching career while drinking. He could function. But the real work began when he started peeling back the layers—understanding what the alcohol was covering, why the hole was there in the first place.Without alcohol, Paul started doing EMDR. He used psychedelic medicine. He began facilitating The Men’s Circle. He learned about nervous system regulation. His capacity didn’t just grow—it opened to work he couldn’t have done while braced.If you’re sensing that alcohol is keeping something braced inside you, that friction is real. And it’s costing you more than productivity—it’s costing you the capacity to repair what’s underneath.The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey to help people remove alcohol as the barrier to their greatest work. Not about deprivation—about repair. Moving from functioning to restoring.Learn more about The Sober Creative Method™Discover what becomes possible when you stop creating life through a filter. Let’s explore that together. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

December 22, 2007. Sam Illingworth woke up in a hospital bed with his heart racing, his memory blank, and a doctor offering him the simplest advice he'd ever received: "Don't drink for a month and see what happens." That month became 18 years. That choice became the foundation for a career built not on speed or performance, but on attention, dialogue, and the courage to work slowly in a world obsessed with acceleration.Today, Sam is a Full Professor of Creative Pedagogies at Edinburgh Napier University, founder of Consilience (the world’s first peer-reviewed science and poetry journal), and creator of Slow AI—a Substack newsletter with nearly 6,000 subscribers that challenges how we think about artificial intelligence. He’s secured a quarter-million-dollar research grant to study AI literacy and built a career at the intersections of science, poetry, and technology. His journey reveals the difference between functioning and living—and how sobriety creates the space to figure out which one you’re actually doing.Show Notes[03:13] The Last Drink and the Doctor’s AdviceSam’s sobriety began with a panic attack misdiagnosed as heart palpitations and a doctor’s casual suggestion that changed everything.* December 22, 2007—Sam was 23, blacked out at his friend’s birthday party* Went to hospital the next day with what felt like heart palpitations; turned out to be an anxiety attack* Doctor’s advice: “Don’t drink for a month because you have an alcohol-induced anxiety attack”* Sam stopped and realized “I don’t want to get back to this”* Used to black out frequently—would wake up with no memory of the night before“Basically, I remember exactly what happened. I blacked out. I used to black out a lot when I drank.” [04:32] Playing the Fool: When Drinking Becomes Your IdentitySam describes becoming “the clown and the fool and the joker”—a character people expected rather than who he actually was.* Naturally extroverted—”an extrovert’s extrovert”—but drinking amplified certain traits into performance* Examples: jumping into a canal and catching dysentery, necking a whole bottle of ouzo just to make people laugh* Friends would say “Oh, it’s Sam, he’s doing something crazy again when he’s drunk”* His wife has never seen him drink; many current friends haven’t either* Still experiences social awkwardness at events, but his closest friends accommodate it naturally—like excluding him from alcohol bills on trips“You end up becoming a version of yourself that’s not true.” [08:17] “Might Not Even Be Here”: The Weight of That DecisionSam reflects on the magnitude of quitting drinking, calling it “singularly the most important decision I’ve ever made in my life.”* In his last year of university, made it to the final five for a TV presenter position on T4 (major UK station)* Thought at the time: “If I ended up doing something like this, this would be the end of me”* Now wakes up at 5am every day thinking “The day is going to be good”* Says directly: might not even be here if he hadn’t made that decision“It’s singularly the most important decision I’ve ever made in my life and I would say I would be a different person. Maybe not even be here, legitimately, if I hadn’t have made that decision.” [12:03] The Mugging Sam Can’t RememberSam shares a chilling story about being mugged while drunk—with no memory of it happening.* Woke up one morning, couldn’t find his watch* Bank called asking if someone trying to use his card for a prawn sandwich and £50 cash was him* Realized he’d been mugged the night before—followed across a park to his house, keys in the front door* The attackers had been involved in knife attacks; Sam was “really lucky”* Funny twist: wore a £10 watch, but remembered exactly what it looked like—person got six months for stealing it[13:53] Functioning vs. Living: The Exponential GrowthSam makes a critical distinction about what changed with sobriety—not just productivity, but capacity to actually live.* Could function while drinking—finished top of his year, edited the newspaper, ran a radio station, played squash* Since becoming sober: “My capacity to live has exponentially grown”“You can function, right? You can function. Because you’re good at it and you can kind of do it in your sleep, but you’re doing yourself a disservice because that’s all you’re doing. You’re not living. You’re just functioning.” [16:03] From Pure Science to the Liminal SpacesSobriety opened creative pathways Sam hadn’t explored—moving from atmospheric physics into interdisciplinary work.* High school was “pure science”—maths, further maths, chemistry, physics* Always interested in poetry and being in a band, but was driven down the science path* When he became sober: became president of Theatre Society, went to Japan on a scholarship to study science and theatre intersections* Started performing poetry publicly* Research now explores science, poetry, and AI—”to help amplify voices of people who’ve traditionally been underserved and underheard”“I wouldn’t have been able to do any of that if I had still been drinking, man.” [19:29] 300 Newsletters Before Bed: Community as CopingSam shares his nightly routine that centers around connection and community building.* Lives just outside Edinburgh in the hills; exercise and writing are his main outlets* Before bed every night: goes through the 300 newsletters he subscribes to, likes them all, leaves meaningful comments on most* On bad days: “everything will be fine because there’s Substack”[21:31] Slow AI: Why Are We Accelerating?Sam explains the philosophy behind Slow AI—challenging the mainstream narrative that AI should make us faster.* Started when ChatGPT came out in October 2022; Sam tested it for poetry writing* Realized it’s pattern recognition—good at strict forms, less good at meaning* Many creators teach prompt engineering and AI usage well* Started in July, now nearly 6,000 subscribers“We’re using AI to accelerate output, but why the hell are we doing that, man? This is a tool. We should be using AI to free up time for ourselves so that we can have real human connections with other humans rather than just accelerate towards this meaningless output.” [25:48] AI Literacy Isn’t About Better PromptsSam launched a paid tier the day before this interview—a year-long curriculum on critical AI literacy.* AI literacy is NOT how to write good prompts—it’s “knowing when to use AI and when not to use AI”* Year-long program with at least one monthly webinar* Each session: discussion of peer-reviewed paper, testing prompts, then dialogue* Based on Lev Vygotsky’s concept of “the more knowledgeable other”—knowledge and hierarchy are interchangeable, not top-down* Goal: “use the tools to free back up more time for us to have meaningful human connections”* All written content remains free; paid tier is about community learning[29:30] The Joy of Recommending: Building Community Through ServiceSam gets genuine excitement from recommending books, films, and other people’s Substacks.* Gets “goosebumps” thinking about recommending favorites like “100 Years of Solitude” (his favorite book)* Intentionally recommends Substacks that aren’t on rising lists—people with less than several thousand views who “maybe need a bit of a boost”* Recommendations often lead to collaborations* References Vygotsky again: bringing people together creates “critical mass for meaningful education”“I love community, man. Like that’s what my entire research is around and like what I’m about as well.” [31:17] Sharpness and Fearlessness: How Sobriety Unlocked CreativitySam identifies two key ways sobriety increased his creative capacity.* Sharpness: mental clarity and precision of thought* Fearlessness: willingness to step outside expected roles and experiment* Was “always the clown and the fool and the joker” but wanted to be “a bit more than that”* Realizing he could step away from that role gave him courage to try new things* Started performing poetry publicly in his mid-twenties* Can dance till 3am sober—or leave at 12:20 when tired: “I know I’m tired, so I’m going home”* Recognizes the moment when everyone’s drunk and he’s sober: “You’re just chatting s**t. You’re not making sense to me.”Key Quotes“You end up becoming a version of yourself that’s not true.” - Sam Illingworth“It’s singularly the most important decision I’ve ever made in my life and I would say I would be a different person. Maybe not even be here, legitimately, if I hadn’t have made that decision.” - Sam Illingworth“You can function, right? You can function. Because you’re good at it and you can kind of do it in your sleep, but you’re doing yourself a disservice because that’s all you’re doing. You’re not living. You’re just functioning.” - Sam Illingworth“I wouldn’t have been able to do any of that if I had still been drinking, man.” - Sam Illingworth“We’re using AI to accelerate output, but why the hell are we doing that, man? This is a tool. We should be using AI to free up time for ourselves so that we can have real human connections with other humans rather than just accelerate towards this meaningless output.” - Sam IllingworthResources Mentioned* Slow AI Newsletter - Started July 2024, nearly 6,000 subscribers* Slow AI Curriculum for Critical AI Literacy - Year-long paid program (inaugural discount: 50 pounds/~70 USD)* Consilience - World’s first peer-reviewed science and poetry journal* 100 Years of Solitude - Sam’s favorite book* Lev Vygotsky - Soviet psychologist whose concept of “the more knowledgeable other” informs Sam’s teachingWhere to Find Sam* Sam’s promise: “If you DM me, I’ll always get back to you”Thank YouA heartfelt thank you to Phil Powis ❤️⚡️, John Brewton, Des Kennedy, Stan Holt, Noelle Richards, and many others who joined us live for this conversation, and to Professor Sam Illingworth for his wisdom, generosity, and honesty. Your presence makes these conversations possible.The Space Between Functioning and LivingSam finished top of his year while drinking. He edited newspapers, ran radio stations, played squash. But he was functioning, not living. The difference? Sharpness and fearlessness. The clarity to think precisely and the courage to step outside the roles that alcohol locked him into.Without alcohol, Sam became president of the Theatre Society. He went to Japan. He started performing poetry. He built a research career at the crossroads of science, art, and technology. His capacity didn’t just grow—it “exponentially grew.”If you’re sensing that alcohol is keeping you in functioning mode, that friction is real. And it’s costing you more than productivity—it’s costing you the fearlessness to experiment and the sharpness to know who you actually are.The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey to help people remove alcohol as the barrier to their greatest work. Not about deprivation—about reclamation. Moving from functioning to living.Discover what becomes possible when you stop creating life through a filter. Let’s explore that together. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

Jake Summers started drinking in high school in an alcoholic home where he “could basically do whatever I wanted.” He went to West Point hoping structure would save him from his addiction. It didn’t. He got kicked out at 21, went to rehab, and spent years drinking a fifth a day while working in finance—sneaking to the liquor store at 9 AM and drinking flask bottles in the bathroom at work.After years sober, he quit his job and started a mango farm in Cambodia. Then he relapsed. His mom had to come rescue him. He came home and started over, this time building his entire life around his recovery instead of keeping it siloed from everything else.Now he wakes at 4:30 AM to write in his basement, working on his memoir The Mango Tango and publishing Perfection is the Enemy of Progress, a newsletter for people living the non-traditional path. This conversation explores the guilt-fear-shame cycle, what it means to relapse after years sober, and how to leave enough white space in the calendar for life to come to you.Show Notes[03:33] Growing Up in an Alcoholic HomeJake grew up in a home where he could basically do whatever he wanted. He started drinking young, hosting parties at his house on Thursday nights, taking his mom’s car before he had a license. He loved everything about how drinking took away anxiety and made him feel free. But even as a teenager, he could tell he was drinking too much.* Decided to go to West Point thinking structure might help him avoid addiction* Did well initially until he got a DUI visiting his brother at Penn State* Met all the “bad kids” at West Point—when addicts find their people, they’re back off to the races* Spent three years there before getting kicked out“I grew up in an alcoholic home. What that meant for me was not that I was surrounded by trauma at all times, but I could basically do whatever I wanted. I started drinking at a young age.”[05:47] Losing His Identity and Drinking Even HarderWhen Jake got home from West Point, he lost his identity. He thought he’d ruined his life. He started drinking even more heavily. He went to rehab at 21 but was quick to say he was “cured” and didn’t have a problem.“When I got home, I was really like I lost this identity. I thought I ruined my life. And I started to drink even more heavily.”[07:00] The Obsession: Every Day About Getting AlcoholIn sobriety, Jake learned that addicts have this obsession where even when they’re not drinking, they’re thinking about it—how to get the next one. Every day in high school was about planning how to ensure he’d get alcohol that weekend.* Started as weekend hard drinking and a couple weeknights* But the mental space the addiction took up was as significant as the actual drinking* This obsession continued through his twenties“In sobriety I’ve learned that I have, you know, we have this obsession where even when we’re not drinking we’re often thinking about it and how are we going to get the next one.”[08:08] A Fifth a Day: Drinking Before WorkAfter rehab, things got really bad. Jake started drinking every day, waking up and drinking. He became what he thought was a stereotypical alcoholic—a daily drinker whose whole life and cycle was built around drinking.* In his early 20s, drinking a fifth a day around the clock* Taking his “medicine” in a couple different stretches throughout the day* Meticulously planned and managed* Working in finance, going to the liquor store at 9 AM when it opened* Drinking flask bottles in the bathroom and going back to work“I worked in finance and I would go out for a morning coffee and I would go to the liquor store at nine, right when it opened in Philadelphia. And I would drink like one of those flask bottles in the bathroom and then go back to work.”[11:01] The Hardest Part to Describe: Knowing It’s Wrong While Doing ItJake had already been to rehab. He’d already self-identified as an alcoholic. The hardest part of addiction to describe is how you can continue to behave this way while there’s a very quiet voice in the back of your head saying “this is dumb, this is going to head towards disaster, you’re not supposed to be doing this.”* That quiet voice is drowned out by an extreme, very intense voice saying “I need this right now, I need my relief”* Like having “a head full of recovery and a belly full of booze”* Living in this middle state of knowing you have a problem but doing it anyway* Really isolating and not fun at all—lying to yourself, lying to everybody around you“The hardest part of addiction to describe to anybody from the outside is how you can continue to behave in this way while there’s a very quiet voice in the back of your head that is like, this is dumb. This is going to head towards disaster. But it’s just drowned out by this extreme, very intense voice of like, I need this right now. I need my relief.”[13:17] The Guilt-Fear-Shame CycleEverything for Jake was rooted in fear. He was scared of facing the world, scared of his behaviors. Stuck in this shame bubble, drinking to silence guilt and shame that was all rooted in fear.* Most addicts wake up every morning and the first thought is “I don’t want to drink today”* That might be a 10-second thought immediately followed by drinking* Every day knowing you need to do something different but ashamed of being stuck in this rut* Feeling guilty over how you fell to your addiction the day before* Scared it’s never going to resolve itself—stuck on that hamster wheel“Everything for me was rooted in fear. I was scared of facing the world. I was scared of my behaviors. You’re kind of stuck in this shame bubble and it’s like you’re really like drinking to silence that guilt and shame that is all rooted in fear.”[16:11] The Moment of Clarity: Sick and Tired of Being Sick and TiredJake had a rare moment of clarity where he looked around at his life and realized: I am lonely. I am miserable. I’m just sick and tired of being sick and tired and living on this hamster wheel of doom.* Called somebody and said “I need help”* Couldn’t seem to control it—every day telling himself he wasn’t going to drink but ending up drinking* Asked for help and started getting involved in 12-step programs* Did the steps and started to believe in a life in recovery“I just had one of those rare moments of clarity where I looked around at my life and it was like, I am lonely. I am miserable. I am, I’m just like sick and tired of being sick and tired and living on this like hamster wheel of doom.”[17:36] Four Years Sober and Heading to CambodiaAfter four years sober, Jake was working his career but started realizing something. When he got sober, he associated his adventurous risk-seeking personality with his addiction. He thought that was the dude that gets you in trouble—you have to be the opposite of him. Wear a suit, go to work, live a stable life.* Sobriety gives you confidence in yourself* Eventually felt confident enough to do something adventurous without the wheels falling off* Could be more of his authentic self without living in a protective bubble of routine* Talked with people in his sober community who said sobriety isn’t about giving up on life and surrendering to structure“Sobriety gives you like a lot of confidence in yourself. And I eventually just reached the point where I felt confident enough in my sobriety where I was like, I can do something adventurous and like the wheels aren’t going to fall off.”[19:14] Relapse in Cambodia: Fermented Banana MoonshineJake started the mango farm and lived in the jungle. It was all going really well. Then he relapsed in this lost-in-translation moment on the farm where guys drilling a well were doing a ritual toast thing. They passed around a gasoline jug of fermented banana moonshine and said he had to drink it.* Trying to explain alcoholism in a foreign language* Had drifted away from his recovery—wasn’t talking to sober people, wasn’t helping anybody* Thought he was cured, convinced himself “I could just have one and I’ll be fine”* Like a real alcoholic, that was not the case—had one and was immediately off to the races again* Nasty relapse in Cambodia, his mom had to come rescue him* Got really bad really quick“By that point, I had really like drifted away from my recovery. Like I hadn’t done anything to maintain my recovery. Like I wasn’t talking to sober people. I wasn’t helping anybody. I like thought I was cured and convinced myself like, oh, I could just have one and I’ll be fine. Like a real alcoholic, like that was not the case for me.”[20:14] Starting Over and Building Life Around RecoveryJake came back and started over from the beginning, really digging in with the program. He focused on putting sobriety first and not drifting from it. Went on to work in the addiction field to stay closer to sobriety, really building his life around his recovery.* In his first stint in recovery, it was very siloed—had his career, aspirations, adventurous side, and then separately had his recovery* Let enough distance get between those two lives that he put himself in a risky position again* Second time around, built everything around recovery instead of keeping it separate“In my first stint in recovery, it was very siloed. I had this career and these aspirations and this adventurous side. And then I had my recovery. And I let enough distance get between those two lives that I put myself in a risky position again.”[21:36] Alcoholism is Progressive: It Picks Up Where You Left OffThe second relapse was a lot more intense. Alcoholism is a progressive illness, and it picks up exactly where you left off. If you have years sober, the clock doesn’t magically wind itself back and you’re not starting at the beginning.* Even more intense shame and guilt when you have years sober and leave that behind* Drinking while knowing he’d blown up this very good stretch of his life and the recovery he’d built* Made the shame over what he was doing feel even more intense“Alcoholism is a progressive illness, and it picks up exactly where you left off. Like, if you have years sober, the clock doesn’t magically wind itself back, and you’re back starting at the beginning.”[33:46] The Creative Life: 4:30 AM and Playing with House MoneyJake wakes at 4:30 AM for a two-hour uninterrupted creative block before his wife and daughter wake up. From 4:30 to 6:30, it’s just him in the basement with music. He lights a candle, makes coffee, writes, and tries to avoid distractions and the noise of life.* Sometimes working on Substack posts, sometimes editing or adding to the book, sometimes writing query letters for agents* Has this sacred block in the morning that he protects* If he sticks the landing in that time, the rest of his day is playing with house money“I wake up at 4:30 and from 4:30 to 6:30, it’s just like me in the basement with the music and I light a candle and I make my coffee and I just write and I try to avoid distractions and the noise of life.”[35:54] Straitjacket or Smoking Jacket: Leaving White SpaceA sponsor once told Jake: You’ll either feel like you’re in a straitjacket or you’re in a smoking jacket in life. You really want to go for the latter. Don’t put yourself in a position where you’re constantly living in stress and constantly setting yourself up to fail.* Thinks in terms of weekly goals, not daily to-do lists* When he tried to structure things too much, he wouldn’t get things done and his inner critic became harsh* Wakes up and prays: “I don’t know what the day is going to bring, but I’m going to let it come to me”* Leaves enough white space in the calendar for opportunities to come to him* By the end of the week, accomplished everything he needed to do plus more stuff he didn’t plan for that was really good“I wake up and I pray and I’m like, I don’t know what the day is going to bring, but I’m going to let it come to me. So I definitely try to live my life in a day where I leave enough white space in the calendar for the opportunities in the day to come to me.”Key Quotes“When I got home, I was really like I lost this identity. I thought I ruined my life. And I started to drink even more heavily.” - Jake Summers“The hardest part of addiction to describe to anybody from the outside is how you can continue to behave this way while there’s a very quiet voice in the back of your head that is like, this is dumb. This is going to head towards disaster. But it’s just drowned out by this extreme, very intense voice of like, I need this right now. I need my relief.” - Jake Summers“I just had one of those rare moments of clarity where I looked around at my life and it was like, I am lonely. I am miserable. I’m just like sick and tired of being sick and tired and living on this like hamster wheel of doom.” - Jake Summers“Sobriety gives you like a lot of confidence in yourself. And I eventually just reached the point where I felt confident enough in my sobriety where I was like, I can do something adventurous and like the wheels aren’t going to fall off.” - Jake Summers“I had a sponsor, you know, one time tell me like, you will either feel like you’re in a straitjacket or you’re in a smoking jacket in life. And you really want to go for the latter.” - Jake SummersResources Mentioned* Perfection is the Enemy of Progress - Jake’s Substack newsletter (@jakesummers3)* The Mango Tango - Jake’s memoir (currently with literary agents)* Pep Talks - Jake’s planned podcast series (coming sometime in 2026)* 12-Step Programs - Jake’s path to recovery* The Guilt-Fear-Shame Cycle - Treatment concept Jake learned working in the addiction fieldWhere to Find Jake SummersJake writes for people standing at the fork wondering what’s on the other side of the leap, people who’ve already jumped and are figuring out who they are now, and people in recovery from addiction, failure, or the story they told themselves about who they were supposed to be.The Distance Between Recovery and Everything ElseJake’s story reveals something crucial about sobriety: keeping it siloed from the rest of your life creates risk. In his first stint of recovery, he had his career, his aspirations, his adventurous side—and then separately, he had his recovery. He let enough distance get between those two lives that he put himself in a risky position again.The second time around, he built his entire life around his recovery instead of keeping it separate. He went to work in the addiction field to stay closer to sobriety. He talked to sober people. He helped others. He didn’t convince himself he was cured.This isn’t about making recovery your only identity—it’s about not creating distance between who you are in recovery and who you are everywhere else. The silos create gaps. And in those gaps, practices that sustain recovery—connection, honesty, service, accountability—begin to fade. When you stop talking to sober people, when you stop helping others, when you drift from the daily habits that keep you grounded, relapse finds room to grow.The work isn’t just staying sober. It’s building the practices that make sobriety sustainable—integrated into your creative life, your relationships, your work, your identity.Ready to Stop Living on the Hamster Wheel?If Jake’s story resonates—if you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired, if you’re realizing the quiet voice saying “this is dumb” is getting drowned out by the loud voice saying “I need this right now”—you’re not alone.The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey designed to remove alcohol as the barrier to your greatest work. It’s not about structure for structure’s sake. It’s about building practices that sustain recovery while honoring your creative side—so sobriety isn’t siloed from everything else you’re trying to create.This isn’t traditional recovery. It’s for those who want connection, accountability, and daily habits that keep you grounded while you build something meaningful.Thank YouA heartfelt thank you to Bob Lewis, Stan Holt, Noelle Richards, Eric J Cunningham, and to Jake Summers for his extraordinary honesty and wisdom. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.What’s NextThe Sober Creative is more than a newsletter—it’s a movement of individuals reclaiming their creativity by choosing clarity over coping.The First 31-Day Alcohol-Free Reset has officially started!If you missed this opportunity to join, there are going to be more coming this year.Click the link below and enter your email in to be put on the waiting list.🎯 Take the Drinking Assessment: This assessment reveals certain areas where alcohol may be the exact thing that is quietly sabotaging your creative potential. It’s free and only takes a few minutes.✍️ Read the Essays: Stories and strategies for building a clear, creative, and intentional life.🎙️ Join Clear Conversations: Honest talks with creative professionals navigating the intersection of sobriety, self-discovery, and breakthrough work.💬 Curious about your next step? If you’re sensing that something’s holding you back, but you’re not sure what—reach out. Coaching, community, or clarity—it all starts with a conversation.✨ The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey to remove alcohol as the barrier to your greatest work.Each step forward is an act of becoming.Thanks for walking this path with me.Josh☕️ Support the Sober Creative: If a subscription feels like too much at the moment but you’d still like to support the work here, you’re welcome to contribute in any amount. Consider it a coffee in support of clarity, creativity, and what’s being built at The Sober Creative.P.S. Missed previous episodes? Browse the Clear Conversations archive to explore more conversations with creative minds in sobriety.Discover what becomes possible when you stop creating life through a filter. Let’s explore that together. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

For 32 episodes, I’ve sat across from creative professionals who’ve chosen sobriety and discovered something remarkable: clarity doesn’t diminish creativity—it unlocks it. I’ve listened to transformation stories, watched people articulate what they couldn’t see while they were in it, and built a community around the idea that removing the fog reveals the work you were always capable of.But I haven’t directly told you my story. Not really.After a year of asking others vulnerable questions about their relationship with alcohol, I finally turned the mic toward myself. This wasn’t easy. But if I’m going to guide others through their transformation, I need to be willing to share my own messy, beautiful journey.What you’ll hear in this episode is raw and unscripted. The childhood bullying that shaped my self-image. The depression that grew quietly through high school. The decades of using alcohol to escape feelings I didn’t know how to process. And ultimately, how I found my way to a place where my body finally feels like home.This is my story. Not the highlight reel, but a glimpse into the real one.Show Notes[02:00] A Beautiful Childhood with Hidden StrugglesGrowing up, my childhood looked perfect from the outside. Loving parents, lots of activities, good friends. I moved frequently—Sacramento to Florida to Kentucky and back—before finishing high school in Florida.* Moving frequently taught me to adapt quickly and build relationships, though sustaining deep connections was more challenging* High school brought bullying experiences that “nicked” me in ways I’m still unpacking* Being called “Poindexter” by a friend’s peer created a lasting wound about not being capable or tough enough* Looking back at photos from that time, I can see the unhappiness that was growing inside* Depression began taking root, though I didn’t have the awareness to name it yetKey insight: The experiences that shape our beliefs about ourselves often happen in moments we don’t expect, and their impact lasts far longer than the moment itself.[05:00] Escaping Through Substances (Even When They Made Things Worse)My relationship with drugs and alcohol started in high school, primarily smoking weed and drinking. The irony? Even though I used these substances to escape, they often made my anxiety worse.* I remember smoking alone and becoming paranoid that the laughter from a late-night TV show was directed at me* Despite the discomfort and nervousness, I kept using because I was trying to escape something deeper* The pattern continued for years: asking “why do I feel this way?” while using the very things that made me feel worseKey insight: We often continue destructive patterns not because they work, but because we don’t know what else to do with the feelings we’re trying to escape.[09:00] The “Why” Question That Haunted MeFor years, I was stuck in a loop of asking “why do I feel this way?” I had a good life, supportive relationships, a great job. From the outside, everything looked fine.* Our minds and bodies evolved to keep us safe from physical danger, but now they react to emotional threats the same way* When uncomfortable thoughts arise, our bodies tense up, and we don’t know what to do with that sensation* The cognitive awareness that comes with adulthood can become a burden when you’re constantly analyzing your own thoughts* Drinking was my way of numbing the constant mental chatter and self-questioningKey insight: Depression isn’t about having a “bad” life. It’s about not knowing what to do with the thoughts and sensations that arise, even when everything externally looks good.[12:00] My First Drink and Family EstrangementMy older brother gave me my first drink. We’re now estranged and haven’t spoken in years, along with my parents on that side.* This early introduction to alcohol set a pattern that would last for decades* The numbing effect of alcohol became my primary coping mechanismKey insight: Our earliest experiences with substances often come wrapped in complicated relationships that influence how we use them for years to come.[20:00] The Career That Enabled My DrinkingWorking in the film industry for nearly 20 years created the perfect environment for my alcohol use to flourish unchecked.* The industry normalizes and even celebrates drinking culture* Long hours and high stress made drinking feel like a natural “reward”* Being surrounded by others who drank heavily made my own consumption seem normal* I was a high-functioning alcoholic, which made it easier to deny there was a problemKey insight: When your environment normalizes the behavior you’re struggling with, it becomes nearly impossible to see it clearly.[25:00] The Turning Point: When I Finally Let GoFive years ago, I made the decision to stop drinking. It wasn’t a dramatic rock bottom, but rather a quiet realization that alcohol was keeping me from becoming who I needed to be.* I didn’t follow the traditional AA path, though I respect it deeply* My spiritual beliefs center around nature and interconnectedness rather than organized religion* Last year I discovered Recovery Dharma and now facilitate weekend meetings* The decision to stop wasn’t about hitting rock bottom but about recognizing I wanted something differentKey insight: You don’t need to lose everything to decide you deserve better. Sometimes the quiet realization that you’re ready for change is enough.[35:00] Finding Home in My Own BodyWhen asked where recovery happens, my answer surprised even me: place resides within. Recovery isn’t about changing your location but about making peace with yourself.* This body, this container, is home* Creating a place of comfort and ease within yourself is the work* It requires support through therapy, community, and sometimes medication* I was on Prozac for several years and came off it five to six months ago* Having community support has been essentialKey insight: Recovery is about creating a home within yourself that you can feel comfortable and at ease in, regardless of external circumstances.[40:00] The Power of Simply ListeningOne of the most beautiful aspects of recovery communities is the practice of holding space without trying to fix or advise.* In Recovery Dharma (like AA), people share and others simply listen* There’s no cross-talk, no advice-giving, just witnessing* When you hear someone else’s experience, you often recognize your own story* The power isn’t in solving each other’s problems but in not being alone with themKey insight: Sometimes the most powerful thing we can offer another person is our full attention without trying to fix, solve, or respond.Key Quotes“They nick you. You don’t know when they’re going to come, but they hit you. And it’s like, man, is that who I am? This nerdy guy that doesn’t know how to fight and is not capable.” - Josh Woll“I just remember so many years just like asking why, like, why do I feel this way? Like my life is good. You know, I’ve got support, I’ve got friends, I’ve got great job.” - Josh Woll“Place really resides within. This me, this container is home. It’s how does this place, like how do me living in my body create a place that I can feel comfortable with and ease with?” - Josh Woll“It’s so beautiful to sit there and just listen to someone and, you know, that’s why I think it’s so powerful about community. You just listen to someone else’s experience and most likely you’ll experience something similar yourself.” - Josh WollResources Mentioned* Recovery Dharma: A recovery community that blends Buddhist principles with recovery support (described as “Buddha meets AA”)* Prozac (SSRI): Mentioned as part of Josh’s journey with managing depression* The Sober Creative Reset: 31-day program with daily email prompts, weekly meetings, and an awareness trackerWhere to Find Josh* Clear Conversations Podcast: Interviews with professionals navigating sobrietyReady to Do Your Own Deep Work?If this conversation resonated with you, if you’re tired of asking “why do I feel this way?” while numbing the answer, there’s a path forward.The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey designed specifically for people who are ready to remove alcohol as the barrier to their greatest work. This isn’t about powering through cravings or simply stopping drinking. It’s about the deeper transformation that happens when you finally create a home within yourself.The framework follows three phases:* RELEASE → Let go of alcohol and the stories that kept you stuck* CREATE → Build new patterns and rediscover your creative power* BECOME → Step into the version of yourself you’ve been avoidingThis is 1-on-1 coaching for those who are ready to do the real work. Not surface-level motivation, but the messy, vulnerable, transformational journey toward becoming a version of yourself you keep falling in love with.Thank youThank you Dr. Amber Hull, Noelle Richards, Eric J Cunningham, and many others for tuning in. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.What’s NextThe Sober Creative is more than a newsletter—it’s a movement of individuals reclaiming their creativity by choosing clarity over coping.The First 31-Day Alcohol-Free Reset has officially started! If you missed this opportunity to join, there are going to be more coming this year. Click the link below and enter your email in to be put on the waiting list. 🎯 Take the Drinking Assessment: This assessment reveals certain areas where alcohol may be the exact thing that is quietly sabotaging your creative potential. It’s free and only takes a few minutes.✍️ Read the Essays: Stories and strategies for building a clear, creative, and intentional life.🎙️ Join Clear Conversations: Honest talks with creative professionals navigating the intersection of sobriety, self-discovery, and breakthrough work.💬 Curious about your next step? If you’re sensing that something’s holding you back, but you’re not sure what—reach out. Coaching, community, or clarity—it all starts with a conversation.✨ The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey to remove alcohol as the barrier to your greatest work.Each step forward is an act of becoming.Thanks for walking this path with me.Josh☕️ Support the Sober Creative: If a subscription feels like too much at the moment but you’d still like to support the work here, you’re welcome to contribute in any amount. Consider it a coffee in support of clarity, creativity, and what’s being built at The Sober Creative.P.S. Missed previous episodes? Browse the Clear Conversations archive to explore more conversations with creative minds in sobriety.Discover what becomes possible when you stop creating life through a filter. Let’s explore that together. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

Anna Gibson spent years on autopilot—smoking weed throughout her day, feeling the weight of a “demon on her back,” watching her writing disappear into unproductive fog. She knew she wasn’t doing anything. She’d smoke on the clock at her retail job. She’d look at her bag and see paranoia staring back. For someone who’d been writing professionally for over a decade, the creative paralysis was destroying not just her productivity, but her happiness.Then something shifted. After discovering Josh’s newsletter, she made a decision that would transform everything. Today, over 60 days sober, Anna writes 3,000 words every morning—finishing entire articles before most people start their workday. She’s built “For the Masters: AI Creative Mastery,” a newsletter dedicated to helping mid-career creatives close the gap between the excellence they can see and the work they can actually make. But her approach isn’t about AI replacing creativity—it’s about using it as a thinking partner while protecting the authenticity that makes your work yours.This conversation explores how sobriety creates the clarity necessary for deliberate practice, why removing what numbs us might be the most important creative decision we make, and what happens when you stop running on autopilot and start building work you’ll be proud of in five years.Show Notes[00:00] - The Demon on Your Back: Anna’s Story with Marijuana* Anna’s substance of choice wasn’t alcohol—it was marijuana, legal and easily accessible in Michigan* She describes addiction as feeling like “a demon on your back”—doing things you don’t want to do, experiencing paranoia, caught in a cycle of unproductivity* Coming from a family with a history of drug issues, she was a “late bloomer” who started heavily after moving out three years ago* The creative cost was devastating: she couldn’t work, couldn’t get it done, would smoke throughout her entire dayKey insight: “People don’t take it as seriously because it was weed, right? And for whatever reason, people don’t think it’s as bad, but it was literally destroying my happiness. It was destroying my productivity and it was destroying my life.”[07:00] - The Immediate Transformation: From Fog to 3,000 Words* Within days of getting sober, Anna went from creative paralysis to writing 3,000 words every morning* She now finishes an entire article before most people start their workday* The shift wasn’t gradual—it was immediate and dramatic* Sobriety revealed that her creative potential had been there all along, just obscuredKey insight: “I write 3,000 words a morning now, which is insane. I literally finish an article a morning. Every morning.”[11:30] - The Taste-Skill Gap: Why Mid-Career Creatives Get Stuck* Anna identifies the core frustration of mid-career creatives: you can see what great work looks like, but you can’t consistently make it yet* This isn’t a talent problem—it’s the taste-skill gap, where your refined taste outpaces your execution* Most creatives at this stage either break through or burn out* The gap doesn’t close through validation or understanding—it closes through years of deliberate, focused practiceKey insight: “You’re at the exact moment where most mid-career creatives either breakthrough or burn out. Virginia Woolf felt this at 33. Miles Davis felt this at 28. The difference wasn’t talent: it was which path they chose next.”[15:45] - AI as Thinking Partner, Not Replacement* Anna’s mission is helping creatives use AI without losing their authentic voice* She teaches five core practices: gap audits, edge practice, constraint experiments, volume cycling, and reverse-engineering protocols* The focus is on extracting frameworks from masters and building systematic skill development* AI should augment craft, not replace it—it’s a tool for analysis and ideation, not for draftingKey insight: “I don’t want your 30 years, 40 years, 20 years, 10 years, five years of experience creatively to go down the drain because you used AI and now you don’t know how to not use it.”[21:00] - Finding Your Limits: The Authenticity Boundary* Anna learned the hard way that letting AI draft for her stripped away her voice* She experienced a crisis moment where she felt like she couldn’t write without AI after using it extensively* Her personal boundary: AI never does first drafts—it has to be her from the start* She now only uses AI for idea generation, prompt creation, and occasionally grammar checks (though even that can “take some sauce out”)Key insight: “I am never again going to have AI do a draft for me ever first pass. It has to be me. And then from there, I kind of went to a stage where I allowed AI to improve my draft, but I still didn’t like the output. So now I just write it and I improve it on my own.”[26:00] - The Hundred Prompts: Sobriety’s Creative Abundance* Since getting sober, Anna has created over 100 AI prompts for creative development* She’s building a library of tools to help others close their taste-skill gap* Her Substack offers one free prompt per article, with more extensive prompts behind a $20/month paywall* Future plans include opening a community space and offering one-on-one sessionsKey insight: “I’m sitting on probably like a hundred prompts being sober, just having more to do. I’m sitting on a hundred prompts and just waiting for the right time to send them out.”Key Quotes“It was literally destroying my happiness. It was destroying my productivity and it was destroying my life.” - Anna Gibson“I write 3,000 words a morning now, which is insane. I literally finish an article a morning. Every morning.” - Anna Gibson“I don’t want your 30 years, 40 years, 20 years, 10 years, five years of experience creatively to go down the drain because you used AI and now you don’t know how to not use it.” - Anna Gibson“I am never again going to have AI do a draft for me ever first pass. It has to be me.” - Anna Gibson“I’m sitting on probably like a hundred prompts being sober, just having more to do.” - Anna GibsonResources MentionedFor the Masters: AI Creative Mastery - Anna’s Substack newsletter focused on helping mid-career creatives achieve mastery through deliberate practice and AI-enhanced learningThe Taste-Skill Gap Framework - Anna’s approach to understanding why mid-career creatives can see excellence but struggle to execute it consistentlyFive Core Practices for Closing the Gap:* Gap audits (identifying where the gap is widest)* Edge practice (deliberate work at skill limit)* Constraint experiments (forcing skill development)* Volume cycling (building reps systematically)* Reverse-engineering protocols (studying what you can see but can’t do)AI Prompts Library - Anna offers free and paid prompts for creative development, including reverse-engineering tools and 2-week gap-closing plansWhere to Find Anna GibsonReady to Remove Alcohol as a Barrier to Your Greatest Work?Anna’s story demonstrates what becomes possible when you strip away the fog and commit to showing up fully present. From creative paralysis to 3,000 words a morning. From scattered effort to deliberate practice. From autopilot to intention.If you’re sensing that something’s holding you back—whether it’s alcohol, substances that numb your edge, or patterns you can’t quite name—you don’t have to figure it out alone.The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day program specifically designed for creatives who want to unlock their full potential by removing alcohol as a barrier. Through personalized coaching, proven frameworks, and a supportive community, you’ll build the clarity and creative momentum Anna describes—without compromising your authenticity or waiting years to close the gap between the work you can see and the work you can make.Curious about your next step? Let’s talk. Coaching, community, or clarity—it all starts with a conversation.Thank YouA heartfelt thank you Corie Feiner, Noelle Richards, and many others who joined us live for this conversation, and to Anna Gibson for her vulnerability, wisdom, and commitment to helping creatives build work they’ll be proud of. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.What’s NextThe Sober Creative is more than a newsletter—it’s a movement of individuals reclaiming their creativity by choosing clarity over coping.The 31-Day Alcohol-Free Reset starts on January 1st.If you want to see what your creativity feels like without alcohol in the way, this is your moment.🎯 Take the Clarity Quiz: This assessment reveals certain areas where alcohol may be the exact thing that is quietly sabotaging your creative potential. It’s free and only takes a few minutes.✍️ Read the Essays: Stories and strategies for building a clear, creative, and intentional life.🎙️ Join Clear Conversations: Honest talks with creative professionals navigating the intersection of sobriety, self-discovery, and breakthrough work.💬 Curious about your next step? If you’re sensing that something’s holding you back, but you’re not sure what—reach out. Coaching, community, or clarity—it all starts with a conversation.✨ The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey to remove alcohol as the barrier to your greatest work.Each step forward is an act of becoming.Thanks for walking this path with me.Josh☕️ Support the Sober Creative: If a subscription feels like too much at the moment but you’d still like to support the work here, you’re welcome to contribute in any amount. Consider it a coffee in support of clarity, creativity, and what’s being built at The Sober Creative.P.S. Missed previous episodes? Browse the Clear Conversations archive to explore more conversations with creative minds in sobriety.Discover what becomes possible when you stop creating life through a filter. Let’s explore that together. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

Ryan Lee spent his twenties chasing numbness—ecstasy, cocaine, alcohol, repeat. He kept his corporate job intact, hit his numbers, and convinced himself everything was fine. But underneath the performance, he was stuck. Personally stagnant. Professionally functional but unfulfilled. Using substances to blur the edges of a life he didn’t actually want.On March 14, 2021, Ryan found himself lying on an Airbnb floor, convinced he was dying from a heart attack. He wasn’t—it was panic from daily hard drug use. Two days later, he got sober. Not gradually. Not with a plan. Just done. He flew home, left his corporate job, spent 90 days learning to live without substances, and started the real work of figuring out who he was beneath the blur.What happened next wasn’t a linear recovery story. It was a complete life rebuild that led him to create Capsule Adventures—a sober travel company that takes people to bucket-list destinations like Patagonia, Iceland, and Colombia. Not to prove sobriety works. To experience what becomes possible when you strip away the distractions and show up fully present. Ryan calls it “life in 4K”—choosing clarity and presence over grayscale sameness. This conversation explores how he built a creative business around that clarity, what it takes to replace old patterns with something better, and why the moments that stick are the ones you actually remember.Show Notes[03:07] The Stagnant Years: Drugs, Work, and the Performance Trap* Ryan moved to NYC in 2016 and quickly started using ecstasy and cocaine alongside heavy drinking* His life became a cycle: work, party, recover, repeat—convinced he didn’t have a problem because he was performing at his job* The work “life raft” kept him stuck personally while he evolved professionally* He didn’t realize how unfulfilling his corporate job was until after getting sober[05:05] The Gift of Boredom: Relearning Who You Are* Ryan describes early sobriety as having a “blank slate”—a chance to reexamine every facet of his life* He had to relearn what he actually liked versus what he thought he liked when substances were involved* The boredom people fear in early sobriety is actually an invitation to rediscover yourself* Ryan started trying things he’d previously dismissed—like square dancing—and found joy in unexpected places[10:48] The Georgia Hike That Changed Everything* While traveling through the Svaneti region of Georgia, Ryan witnessed a trip derail due to heavy drinking, a foiled assault, and a fired guide* Standing in front of an “unreal mountainscape” on Day 3, the idea for Capsule Adventures hit him* He realized he was done compromising on the kind of experiences he wanted to have* The concept: sober adventure travel where presence replaces performance[11:55] Replacing Chaos with Joy* Ryan initially thought sobriety meant the end of euphoric experiences* On a trip through Colombia—gripping a mototaxi around mountain roads—he felt genuine joy again at 11 months sober* The joy kept returning: clouds parting over Machu Picchu, standing on glaciers, starting fires with bare hands* These experiences didn’t just help him stay sober—they brought color back into his life[20:22] How He Curates Trips: The Magic Test* Ryan travels constantly, always evaluating: “Would this make a good trip?”* Most experiences don’t pass the test—they’re fun but not memorable enough* The ones that make it have a “magic feeling”—places where everything converges and you feel honored to be alive in that moment* Example: The Lost City in Colombia requires permission from indigenous people, includes a 1,200-stair climb and purification ceremony[23:06] Type 2 Fun: The Hard Trips That Transform People* Ryan’s Machu Picchu trip is his favorite—physically demanding and emotionally cathartic* He’s witnessed more crying on these trips than anywhere else: people reaching summits and sobbing as they “come back to themselves”* One woman went from apologizing constantly at the start to moving through the world with confidence by the end* The stress is real (Ryan’s mustache literally went white in four days), but watching transformation makes it worth itKey Quotes“I had to relearn who I was and what I liked and what I didn’t like. And did I have passions for these things I thought I did? Or like, essentially I kind of just reexamined every facet of my life.” - Ryan Lee“It’s such a gift to be able to be bored and to have this blank slate available to you.” - Ryan Lee“I assumed sobriety meant that kind of joy was over. But then I replaced the chaos with something better.” - Ryan Lee“When all these things kind of converge and hit you in the face—that’s when I’m like, okay, this could be a good trip. You just feel so happy and honored to be alive and in this moment and in this place with these people.” - Ryan Lee“You can always look back on that experience and be like, this thing I’m going through right now that’s hard, this is nothing to this hike I did with these amazing people. So like, I f*****g got this.” - Ryan LeeResources Mentioned* Capsule Adventures - Ryan’s sober travel company offering bucket-list trips to destinations like Machu Picchu, Patagonia, Iceland, and the Komodo Islands* Reddit early sobriety communities - Where Ryan offers support and perspective on common challenges like boredomWhere to Find Ryan LeeWebsite: capsuleadventures.comInstagram: @capsuleadventuresRyan offers both challenging adventure trips (like the Machu Picchu trek) and more relaxed experiences (yacht trips through the Komodo Islands, beach destinations). Whether you’re looking for Type 2 fun or a chill vibe, there’s a Capsule Adventure that fits.Ready to Remove Alcohol as a Barrier to Your Greatest Work?Ryan’s story demonstrates what becomes possible when you strip away the blur and commit to showing up fully present. If you’re sensing that something’s holding you back—whether it’s alcohol, self-doubt, or patterns you can’t quite name—you don’t have to figure it out alone.The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day program specifically designed for those who want to unlock their full potential by removing alcohol as a barrier. Through personalized coaching, proven frameworks, and a supportive community, you’ll build the clarity and creative momentum Ryan describes—without compromising your work or waiting years to figure it out.Curious about your next step? Let’s talk. Coaching, community, or clarity—it all starts with a conversation.Thank YouA heartfelt thank you to everyone who joined us live for this conversation, and to Ryan Lee for his raw honesty about transformation and what it takes to build a life worth remembering. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.What’s NextThe Sober Creative is more than a newsletter—it’s a movement of individuals reclaiming their creativity by choosing clarity over coping.The 31-Day Alcohol-Free Reset starts on January 1st.If you want to see what your creativity feels like without alcohol in the way, this is your moment.🎯 Take the Clarity Quiz: This assessment reveals certain areas where alcohol may be the exact thing that is quietly sabotaging your creative potential. It’s free and only takes a few minutes.✍️ Read the Essays: Stories and strategies for building a clear, creative, and intentional life.🎙️ Join Clear Conversations: Honest talks with creative professionals navigating the intersection of sobriety, self-discovery, and breakthrough work.💬 Curious about your next step? If you’re sensing that something’s holding you back, but you’re not sure what—reach out. Coaching, community, or clarity—it all starts with a conversation.✨ The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey to remove alcohol as the barrier to your greatest work.Each step forward is an act of becoming who you’re meant to be.Thanks for walking this path with me.Josh☕️ Support the Sober Creative: If a subscription feels like too much at the moment but you’d still like to support the work here, you’re welcome to contribute in any amount. Consider it a coffee in support of clarity, creativity, and what’s being built at The Sober Creative. P.S. Missed previous episodes? Browse the Clear Conversations archive to explore more conversations with creative minds in sobriety.Transform your relationship with creativity and discover what becomes possible when you stop creating through a filter. Let’s explore that together. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

What happens when you build an entire writing career in sobriety—placing 30+ pieces in major publications while navigating your daughter’s cancer treatment, solo parenting, and financial uncertainty? Elizabeth Austin shows us that the answer isn’t just about what you accomplish, but about who you become in the process.Our conversation this past week, Elizabeth was 10 days away from her one-year sobriety anniversary, and she’s spent that year doing something remarkable: creating some of her most honest, vulnerable work while life refused to pause. Her essay “Happiness Is A Big, Ugly Sofa” landed in The New York Times Sunday Opinion pages. Her pieces on SNAP benefits, solo parenting, and “being the world’s worst cancer mom” have appeared in TIME, Harper’s Bazaar, McSweeney’s, and beyond. But what struck me most in our conversation wasn’t the impressive publication credits—it was her unflinching honesty about what it takes to show up to difficult material with complete presence when numbing out would be so much easier.This conversation is about the specific challenges of getting sober in the arts, the discipline required to write while everything feels uncertain, and why community might be the most underrated tool in creative recovery. Elizabeth’s story reminds us that sobriety isn’t about losing your edge—it’s about finding clarity sharp enough to do the work that matters.Show Notes[02:04] The Path to Sobriety: From Social Drinking to Intentional ClarityElizabeth shares her journey from being a heavy social drinker in millennial party culture to making the decision to get sober during one of the most challenging periods of her life.* Growing up in a culture where sobriety felt like “stale white bread lifestyle”* The escalation from weekend partying to using alcohol as her only escape during her daughter’s cancer treatment* The moment she decided not to bring drinking into her new apartment—along with not bringing cancer* Setting rules for herself (”only on weekends”) as a sign she was losing control[07:37] The Fear That Keeps Creatives Drinking: Will Sobriety Kill My Voice?Elizabeth confronts the anxiety every creative faces when considering sobriety: what if alcohol is essential to my work?* The pervasive fear that getting sober means losing your creative edge or becoming “boring”* Why millennial drinking culture made sobriety feel impossible* How the myth that “great artists are tortured and drunk” keeps people stuck* The realization that you can write infinitely into any topic—sobriety doesn’t limit perspective, it expands it[09:56] Writing Through Crisis: Cancer, COVID, and Creative SurvivalWhat does it take to maintain a creative practice when your daughter is fighting leukemia during a pandemic?* Using writing as a processing tool during the most traumatic period of her life* How small, contained writing projects helped her maintain control when everything felt chaotic* The specific challenge of writing about ongoing trauma while living through it* Why she chose to write publicly about her daughter’s cancer despite the vulnerability[14:15] The Discipline of Showing Up: Building a Full-Time Writing Career in SobrietyAfter losing her job, Elizabeth made the leap to full-time writing—and placed 30+ pieces in 18 months, all written in sobriety.* The mindset shift from “I need to write” to “this is my job now”* How she structures her days to maintain productivity without traditional employment* The role clarity plays in managing rejection and uncertainty* Why she’s grateful to be sober while navigating the ambiguity of multiple book projects[17:45] The Myth of the Drunken Genius: Rewriting the Artist’s Relationship with AlcoholElizabeth challenges the romanticized narrative that alcohol fuels creativity.* Why the “tortured artist” trope is harmful and inaccurate* How sobriety actually enhances her ability to access difficult emotions and write honestly* The difference between numbing to get through hard material versus sitting with discomfort* Why sobriety gives her stamina for the long-term work of revision and publishing[21:30] Writing What Scares You: The Novel About Life Not Going as PlannedElizabeth discusses her novel about a woman who dies, becomes a ghost, and has to reckon with a life that didn’t go as expected.* Using fiction to explore anxieties about control and expectation* The freedom of writing “just for fun” without publication pressure* How her cancer experience shaped her understanding of life’s unpredictability* Writing as a way to express anxiety rather than escape it[26:25] Infinite Perspectives: The Creative Practice of Turning StoriesElizabeth explains her philosophy that you can write into any topic infinitely—there are always new angles, deeper layers.* Her daughter’s cancer as a “many-sided figure” she keeps turning and examining* Why she helps other writers understand they’ll never “run out” of things to say* The practice of zooming in and pulling back to find new entry points to familiar stories* How sobriety supports the patience required for this kind of deep creative exploration[29:12] Advice for Creatives Considering Sobriety: Find Your CommunityElizabeth’s biggest regret? Not connecting with other sober creatives sooner.* Why she initially kept herself separate from the sober writing community* The specific challenges of getting sober in the arts that only other artists understand* How connecting with people a few steps ahead prepares you for what’s coming* The importance of seeing that the path is worth being onKey Quotes“If there’s nowhere to physically or mentally go, I’m going to go into the bottom of a bottle. You have to go somewhere.” - Elizabeth Austin“I knew after three months that this is it, this is my new life. And I was so happy. I was so relieved.” - Elizabeth Austin“I’m of the mindset that you can write into anything infinitely... There are an infinite number of ways to tell a story. You can always go deeper.” - Elizabeth Austin“I’m really glad I’m sober because I think I would be struggling to deal with the uncertainty of it all if I wasn’t.” - Elizabeth Austin“Sober writers are so great. It’s such a great community. And sober creatives in general—it’s very tight knit, and there are specific things about getting sober in the arts that are specific to the arts.” - Elizabeth AustinResources Mentioned* Writing Elizabeth (Substack newsletter)* Elizabeth’s essay “Happiness Is A Big, Ugly Sofa” in The New York Times* Publications: TIME, Harper’s Bazaar, McSweeney’s, Electric Literature, NarrativelyWhere to Find Elizabeth Austin* Instagram: @writingelizabeth* Website: writingelizabeth.comReady to Explore What Clarity Can Do for Your Creative Work?Elizabeth’s story shows us what becomes possible when we stop numbing and start showing up fully to our creative practice. If you’re sensing that something’s holding you back—whether it’s alcohol, fear, or the belief that sobriety means losing your edge—you’re not alone.The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey designed to remove alcohol as the barrier to your greatest work. It’s not about white-knuckling through cravings or following someone else’s recovery playbook. It’s about discovering what happens when clarity becomes your most essential creative tool.If you feel you suspect your relationship with alcohol is keeping you stuck or you want to explore what intentional sobriety could unlock, this is for anyone ready to stop performing and start creating from a place of complete presence.Ready to explore what’s possible?Thank YouA heartfelt thank you to everyone who joined us live for this conversation, and to Elizabeth Austin for her extraordinary honesty and wisdom. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.What’s NextThe Sober Creative is more than a newsletter—it’s a movement of individuals reclaiming their creativity by choosing clarity over coping.The 31-Day Alcohol-Free Reset starts on January 1st.If you want to see what your creativity feels like without alcohol in the way, this is your moment.🎯 Take the Clarity Quiz: This assessment reveals certain areas where alcohol may be the exact thing that is quietly sabotaging your creative potential. It’s free and only takes a few minutes.✍️ Read the Essays: Stories and strategies for building a clear, creative, and intentional life.🎙️ Join Clear Conversations: Honest talks with creative professionals navigating the intersection of sobriety, self-discovery, and breakthrough work.💬 Curious about your next step? If you’re sensing that something’s holding you back, but you’re not sure what—reach out. Coaching, community, or clarity—it all starts with a conversation.✨ The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey to remove alcohol as the barrier to your greatest work.Each step forward is an act of becoming who you’re meant to be.Thanks for walking this path with me.JoshP.S. Missed previous episodes? Browse the Clear Conversations archive to explore more conversations with creative minds in sobriety.Transform your relationship with creativity and discover what becomes possible when you stop creating through a filter. Let’s explore that together. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

What if everything you’ve been told about discipline is wrong? What if the reason you can’t stick to your creative practice isn’t because you lack willpower, but because your body is protecting you from repeating a pattern it knows will end in shame?This week’s guest on Clear Conversations understands this paradox intimately. Brian Maierhofer is a somatic therapist who spent years chasing creative dreams—first as an actor, then as a therapist and writer—while battling the substances he turned to when the cycle of hope, effort, and collapse became unbearable. His journey from eating a stick of butter in a closet at age five to finding cannabis at 13, through to calling his father from college to say “I need to get out of here,” maps the terrain so many creatives know: the search for a differentiated self through anything that promises relief.What makes Brian’s work revolutionary is his understanding that we don’t fail at discipline because we’re weak. We fail because discipline as we’ve been taught it—force, punishment, “whipping yourself into shape”—triggers the very biochemical addiction to the hope-fear-shame cycle that substances were originally numbing. Real transformation, Brian discovered, requires witnesses who can hold the bigger picture when we lose sight of it, a relationship with something bigger than ourselves, and the courage to be what he calls “professionally human”: flawed, beautiful, and learning out of love.Show Notes[03:14] Growing Up in Colorado’s Music Scene: The Arena of the AbsurdBrian shares his early exposure to altered states growing up near Red Rocks Amphitheater, attending Phish concerts and jam band shows with his older brother.* Cannabis became his “drug of choice” at 13-14 years old—it worked for him during a specific period when he was seeking a differentiated sense of self* His first addiction was actually fantasy, with layers including food (hiding in a closet eating butter as a child)* The substances made mathematical sense given what was happening psycho-emotionally at the time[05:53] The Breaking Point: Two Weeks Into Junior YearBrian describes the moment he called his father asking to leave college, unsure if he needed rehab but knowing “this isn’t working.”* Spent three months in Arizona in an outpatient program before returning to Denver* Entered traditional 12-step recovery at 22 years old* Now in recovery for 12 years, describing recovery as “the best thing that ever happened to me”* The transformation wasn’t just about putting down substances—it was about becoming a professional human[09:45] Why We Put Substances Down: The Mathematics of Worthy SubstitutesBrian explains that we only release substances when we find something worthy to replace them with—and why that matters for understanding discipline.* Substances worked as a function during a specific developmental period* The search wasn’t for escape but for a sense of self that felt defined and separate* Traditional discipline approaches fail because they don’t address the underlying need the substance was meeting* Real change requires understanding what the behavior was providing, not just white-knuckling through withdrawal[15:22] The Myth of Discipline: From “Learning Out of Love” to Military PunishmentBrian traces the etymology of discipline from the Latin disciplina (knowledge, instruction) and discipulus (disciple—to learn out of love) to its appropriation by Roman military culture.* Modern discipline carries connotations of rigidity, self-denial, and masochism* Phrases like “whipping yourself into shape” and “no pain, no gain” reveal our belief that change requires force and suffering* True discipline is about becoming a student of your own compassion* The body can feel the difference between force-based and love-based approaches[19:30] The Biochemistry of Emotional Addiction: Why Willpower Isn’t EnoughDrawing on Candace Pert’s research, Brian explains how emotions create actual molecules (neuropeptides) in our bodies, making us physically addicted to emotional states.* The hope-fear-shame cycle becomes biochemically reinforcing* Breaking emotional patterns feels like withdrawal because neurologically, it is* Your body creates receptors for repeated emotional experiences—craving them at the cellular level* This is why simply trying harder or being more disciplined doesn’t work“If perfectionism were a coin, shame would be on one side and control on the other.”Brian explains that underneath perfectionism lies the internal monologue: “If I can do ALL the right things, I can get the right result, and then I’ll finally feel okay.” He calls this a broken promise of control and safety—and it’s why so many creatives reach for substances when the perfectionism inevitably fails.[24:18] Carl Jung’s Complexes: The Multi-Generational Battle Against Your Best IntentionsBrian breaks down how Jungian complexes—individual, family, and cultural—hijack our decision-making, especially under stress.* Individual complexes: Your personal history of success and failure* Family complexes: Inherited patterns around reward, punishment, and challenge* Cultural complexes: Societal beliefs about discipline and self-improvement* When you try to exercise discipline, you’re battling generations of programming, not just your own resistance[32:45] Why Recovery Can’t Happen in Isolation: The Axis of PowerBrian explains his concept of the “axis of power”—the relationship between personal agency and transcendence—and why alcoholism disrupts it.* In active addiction, there’s often a fragmented sense of self—”two characters running the show”* Recovery reintegrates and restabilizes the relationship between personal agency and transcendent power* The 12 steps work as a recursive system, rewinding the psyche to close loops that didn’t close in adolescence* Healing happens through “emotional corrective experiences with other people”—you can’t do it alone[41:35] Spiritus Contra Spiritum: Why Alcoholism Requires a Spiritual SolutionBrian shares Carl Jung’s famous letter to Bill Wilson about alcoholism as a psycho-spiritual disease.* Jung wrote that man’s thirst for alcohol is equivalent to his thirst for union with God* The helpful axiom: spiritus contra spiritum—spirits versus spirits* Recovery requires three things: a complete psychic and moral reappraisal, the loving hands of human community, and a healthy relationship to transcendence* Alcoholism may pass genetically through epigenetic trauma, not genesKey Quotes“If perfectionism were a coin, shame would be on one side and control on the other. Underneath perfectionism lies an internal monologue that sounds something like this: ‘If I can do ALL the right things, I can get the right result, and then I’ll finally feel okay.’ This is a broken promise of control and safety.” - Brian Maierhofer“I think I turned to substances because they worked for me for a period. And the mathematics of my life and what was going on with me psycho-emotionally, it makes sense that this was a function and something that I turned to.” - Brian Maierhofer“We put something down when we find a worthy substitute. True discipline is about becoming a student of your own compassion—to learn out of love.” - Brian Maierhofer“Certain emotions aren’t just psychologically addictive, but biochemically too. Breaking emotional patterns feels like classic withdrawal because neurologically, it is.” - Brian Maierhofer“Recovery reintegrates and re-stabilizes that relationship between our personal agency and transcendent power. We’re literally rewinding the psyche to find those loops that didn’t close at 13, 14 years old, and we close the loop through emotional corrective experiences with other people.” - Brian MaierhoferResources Mentioned* Candace Pert: Neuroscientist known as the “Goddess of Neuroscience,” discovered that emotions are actual molecules (neuropeptides) in the body* Carl Jung: Swiss psychiatrist who developed the theory of psychological complexes and wrote about alcoholism as a psycho-spiritual disease* Carl Jung’s Letter to Bill Wilson: Jung’s final thoughts on alcoholism, written six months before his death* The Gift of Madness (Brian’s forthcoming book): Part memoir, part clinical experience exploring the archetype of the alcoholic—expected October 2026* Somatic Psychology: Body-based approach to healing trauma and breaking patterns* 12-Step Recovery: Traditional recovery framework that Brian credits with transforming his lifeWhere to Find BrianBrian Maierhofer is a somatic therapist and writer exploring myth, madness, and meaning through his newsletter LiminalMeans on Substack.Current Offerings:* NeuroSomatic Cohorts: 12-week group programs with brain retraining and neuroplasticity work for chronic pain, illness, trauma, and anxiety (next cohort starts January 2026)* Free 5-Day Somatic Program: Introduction to the five primary somatic skills Brian uses with every client* Self-Paced Somatic Program: Affordable option for body-based healing (nearly 2,000 people have completed it)Find Brian at LiminalMeans on Substack to explore his essays on addiction, consciousness, embodiment, and the philosophy of new-wave healing.Your Next Step in Clear-Minded CreativityIf Brian’s story resonates with you—if you recognize that perfectionism coin flipping endlessly between shame and control, or if you’ve been numbing the discomfort of not living up to your creative potential—you’re not alone.The truth is, substances don’t fail us because we lack discipline. They fail us because they prevent the very transformation we’re seeking. They keep us from the emotional corrective experiences that actually rewire our patterns. They block us from becoming witnesses to our own becoming.The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey designed specifically for creative professionals who are ready to remove alcohol as a barrier to their greatest work. It’s not about willpower or white-knuckling. It’s about finding worthy substitutes—community, purpose, and the courage to be professionally human.Because as Brian reminds us: we only put something down when we find something better. And what’s better than finally creating from a place of wholeness instead of fragmentation?Ready to explore what’s possible?Thank You A heartfelt thank you to The Monkeymind Meditation Club, Nick Neve, Noelle Richards, Eric J Cunningham, and many others for tuning into my live video with Brian Maierhofer! Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.What’s NextThe Sober Creative is more than a newsletter—it’s a movement of individuals reclaiming their creativity by choosing clarity over coping.The 30-Day Alcohol-Free Reset starts on January 1st.If you want to see what your creativity feels like without alcohol in the way, this is your moment.🎯 Take the Clarity Quiz: This assessment reveals certain areas where alcohol may be the exact thing that is quietly sabotaging your creative potential. It’s free and only takes a few minutes.✍️ Read the Essays: Stories and strategies for building a clear, creative, and intentional life.🎙️ Join Clear Conversations: Honest talks with creative professionals navigating the intersection of sobriety, self-discovery, and breakthrough work.💬 Curious about your next step? If you’re sensing that something’s holding you back, but you’re not sure what—reach out. Coaching, community, or clarity—it all starts with a conversation.✨ The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey to remove alcohol as the barrier to your greatest work.Each step forward is an act of becoming who you’re meant to be.Thanks for walking this path with me.JoshP.S. Missed previous episodes? Browse the Clear Conversations archive to explore more conversations with creative minds in sobriety.Transform your relationship with creativity and discover what becomes possible when you stop creating through a filter. Let’s explore that together. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

There’s a space between “rock bottom” and “business as usual” that rarely gets airtime in conversations about alcohol. It’s where most people actually live—questioning whether their drinking serves them, curious about alternatives, but not identifying with traditional recovery language or abstinence-only approaches.Denise Hamilton-Mace has built her entire platform in that messy middle. As the founder of Low No Drinker and the podcast “Mindful Drinking & Moderation in Midlife,” she champions personal choice over rigid labels, serving what she calls “curious drinkers”—people who want to examine their relationship with alcohol without necessarily ending it. Her stance has gotten her both celebrated and rejected, including being uninvited from podcasts that couldn’t handle her nuanced approach to sobriety and moderation.In this conversation, Denise shares her 24-year career in hospitality, why she never hit a “rock bottom,” how alcohol became invisible in her daily routine, and why she believes the most powerful creative work comes from knowing yourself deeply—which requires the kind of clarity that drinking, even moderately, can obscure. Whether you’re sober, sober-curious, or simply exploring what feels right for you, this episode offers permission to define your own path forward.Show Notes[00:00] Welcome & Introduction* Denise has carved out a unique and controversial space championing moderation, curiosity, and personal choice over one-size-fits-all approaches* She serves “curious drinkers” in their 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond who are cutting back, mixing it up, or wondering if there’s something better* Her stance has gotten her both celebrated and rejected—she was uninvited from a podcast after rebranding to include “moderation” in her title[02:45] Growing Up in London’s Drinking Culture* Started drinking in mid-to-late teens in London parks with strong cider and cigarettes* Despite throwing up at her first party, she discovered she was “really good at drinking and really enjoyed it”* Got her first pub job at 18 and spent 24 years in hospitality—pubs, bars, restaurants, events* She hosted events attended by the late Queen and worked everywhere from race courses to high-end venues[06:45] When Social Drinking Becomes Invisible Habit* Denise never had a dramatic “rock bottom” or crisis moment with alcohol* After leaving hospitality and having children, drinking shifted from social to solitary—wine at home became routine* The turning point: realizing alcohol had become invisible, automatic, and no longer a conscious choice* She describes it as “doing things on autopilot”—the realization that she wasn’t present in her own life[11:30] The Four-Month Experiment That Changed Everything* Started with Dry January, extended it to four months to prove she could* The first two weeks were rough—dealing with habitual cravings and social pressure* Discovered she didn’t miss alcohol as much as she expected* When she did drink again, she was shocked by how awful it made her feel physically[15:15] Finding Your Own Definition of Success* Denise realized she wanted control over her choices rather than having alcohol control her* She didn’t want to declare herself “sober” or “in recovery” because those labels didn’t fit her experience* The goal became drinking on her own terms—sometimes yes, sometimes no, always intentional* She emphasizes there’s no single right answer for everyone[18:00] The Toxic Binary in Alcohol Conversations* Both the pro-drinking and anti-drinking camps can be judgmental and dismissive* People who moderate get criticized from both sides: “not serious enough” for the sober community, “uptight” for the drinking crowd* Denise refuses to apologize for her position anymore—she recognized more people feel the way she does* The rejection she’s faced has actually strengthened her conviction to serve this overlooked middle ground[20:30] How Clarity Unlocked Her Creativity* In her hospitality career, Denise was repeatedly told “you’re not very creative”—and she believed it* She internalized that message until she changed her drinking and launched a magazine* Created, edited, designed and laid out 15 issues over two and a half years—all by herself* Now channels all her creativity into her podcast and Substack writing[26:00] Self-Knowledge as the Foundation of Creative Work* Denise knows herself better in her 40s than at any point in her life* She has more self-confidence and self-belief—not ego, but clarity about what she knows and cares about* She may not have millions of followers, but she gets emails from people saying “are you in my brain?”* The creative joy comes from expressing what she’s passionate about in ways that connect with others on their journey to “a life less intoxicated on their own terms”Key Quotes“I never had the sad story. I was never in recovery. So I was like, well, I’m not anti-alcohol, so should I have a voice in this space? And then I realized a lot more people actually feel a similar way to what I do.” - Denise Hamilton-Mace“I know myself better now in my 40s than I have at any point in my life. I have more self-confidence, more self-belief. That doesn’t mean I’m some sort of big giant walking ego. There’s loads of stuff I don’t know. But the things that I do know about and that I am passionate about, I throw myself into it.” - Denise Hamilton-Mace“This is not something I could have done if I was drinking the way that I was beforehand. I am able to absorb information, to get curious, to ask questions, to research things, to put it together in a way that feels authentically me.” - Denise Hamilton-Mace“You never know who you might help with one article, one episode, one post, one comment—somebody just seeing someone that looks like them or sounds like them or has a similar story. I think that’s a really privileged position to be in, and I’m very grateful for it.” - Denise Hamilton-MaceResources Mentioned* Mindful Drinking & Moderation in Midlife Podcast – 115+ episodes exploring the intersection of mindful drinking and midlife* Low No Drinker Magazine – Created, edited, designed and produced by Denise over 15 issues* 4-Week Midlife Mindful Drinking Reset – Denise’s program for people wanting to change their drinking habits* Power Hour Coaching – One-on-one support for navigating alcohol decisions* Dry January – The initial catalyst for Denise’s four-month drinking experimentWhere to Find Denise Hamilton-Mace* Podcast: Mindful Drinking & Moderation in Midlife (available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and all major platforms)* Website: mindfuldrinkinginmidlife.com* Email: [email protected] to Unlock Your Creative Potential?If Denise’s story resonates with you—if you’re sensing that something’s holding you back but you’re not sure what—you don’t have to figure it out alone.The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey designed specifically for creatives who are ready to remove alcohol as a barrier to their greatest work. It’s not about deprivation—it’s about expansion. It’s about discovering what happens when you stop performing and start living.Inside the program, you’ll discover:* How to build unshakeable clarity around your relationship with alcohol* Tools for sitting with discomfort instead of numbing it* Strategies for navigating social situations without compromising your values* How to channel the energy you used to spend drinking into your most meaningful workThank YouA heartfelt thank you to everyone who joined us live for this conversation, and to Denise Hamilton-Mace for her honesty, courage, and commitment to serving the overlooked middle ground. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.What’s NextThe Sober Creative is more than a newsletter—it’s a movement of individuals reclaiming their creativity by choosing clarity over coping.The 30-Day Alcohol-Free Reset starts on January 1st.If you want to see what your creativity feels like without alcohol in the way, this is your moment.Join the early list and I’ll notify you the second doors open.🎯 Take the Clarity Quiz: This assessment reveals certain areas where alcohol may be the exact thing that is quietly sabotaging your creative potential. It’s free and only takes a few minutes.✍️ Read the Essays: Stories and strategies for building a clear, creative, and intentional life.🎙️ Join Clear Conversations: Honest talks with creative professionals navigating the intersection of sobriety, self-discovery, and breakthrough work.💬 Curious about your next step? If you’re sensing that something’s holding you back, but you’re not sure what—reach out. Coaching, community, or clarity—it all starts with a conversation.✨ The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey to remove alcohol as the barrier to your greatest work.Each step forward is an act of becoming who you’re meant to be.Thanks for walking this path with me.JoshP.S. Missed previous episodes? Browse the Clear Conversations archive to explore more conversations with creative minds in sobriety.Transform your relationship with creativity and discover what becomes possible when you stop creating through a filter. Let’s explore that together. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

What if the thing you’ve been using to take the edge off is actually keeping you from the life you’re meant to live?This week on Clear Conversations, I sat down with Tyler Donohue, the writer behind Girl Resting, for a conversation that challenges everything we’ve been told about creativity, confidence, and what it means to live authentically. Tyler’s journey from social drinker to nearly two years sober wasn’t sparked by crisis or catastrophe—it was driven by something quieter and more powerful: an inner voice that wouldn’t stop whispering, “This isn’t quite right for you.”What unfolded in our conversation was a masterclass in listening to your body’s signals, the relationship between sobriety and embodiment, and why removing alcohol doesn’t shrink your life—it expands it. Tyler’s insights on creativity, self-trust, and building a life that’s entirely your own idea will challenge you to examine what you’re really afraid of losing if you stopped numbing the edges.Show Notes[02:01] The Inner Voice That Started EverythingTyler shares how her sobriety journey began not with rock bottom, but with flickers of intuition starting at age 25-26 that something about drinking didn’t resonate in her body.* She describes her drinking as “normal”—social, recreational, never causing obvious life destruction* The turning point came in late 2023 when two family members struggled with severe alcohol addiction* Seeing their crisis gave her permission to honor her own inner voice, even without the dramatic markers of addiction* Key insight: “It doesn’t matter that you’re not in rehab. It doesn’t matter that you’re not getting DUIs. Something about doing this thing does not resonate inside your body.”[05:22] The “F**k Yes or F**k No” ClarityTyler explains how sobriety eliminated the in-between spaces in her life and gave her radical clarity about where she wants to be and who she wants to be with.* Sobriety revealed which social situations she only enjoyed because of alcohol* She now operates on a binary: if it’s not a “f**k yes,” it’s a “f**k no”* The shift: “I don’t stay at a party I don’t want to be at. I don’t go to events that don’t lift me up and give me energy.”* Her life got bigger, not smaller, because she stopped forcing herself into spaces that didn’t serve her[07:02] What Sobriety Revealed About Stress and NumbingIn the early months, Tyler became acutely aware of the moments when she used to “take the edge off”—and what those edges were trying to tell her.* Removing alcohol exposed the stressors, anxieties, and uncomfortable truths she’d been avoiding* The first six months were about sitting with discomfort rather than numbing it* This led to major life changes: ending a long-term relationship, reevaluating her career, and eventually living nomadically* Tyler’s realization: “Sobriety wasn’t the hard part. It was seeing clearly what I had been avoiding.”[15:43] Writing as a Way to Process the UnravelingTyler discusses how her writing practice became essential for making sense of the massive transformations happening in her life.* Writing helped her metabolize the grief, confusion, and liberation of leaving her old life behind* Her essay “It Mixes Well with Pheromones” captures a pivotal moment one year into sobriety* She writes to understand her own experience—and discovers readers resonate deeply with the honesty* On vulnerability: “I’m just trying to be as honest as I can about what it feels like to be alive right now.”[19:28] When the Body Remembers—and ForgetsTyler reflects on how her body held the memory of her most difficult year, even as her mind tried to move on.* Anniversary dates triggered physical responses before her conscious mind remembered them* The disconnection between “that body” (sick, struggling) and “this body” (traveling, thriving) felt surreal* Sobriety allowed her body to release what it had been holding* Powerful observation: “My body did remember. But my body has also—somehow—forgotten. Release.”[22:51] Creativity Without the Myth of Chemical EnhancementTyler dismantles the persistent belief that substances enhance creativity, sharing how her creative output has only expanded in sobriety.* She’s more prolific now than when drinking—writing more, thinking more clearly, creating more boldly* Sobriety revealed that alcohol was never enhancing her creativity; it was just making her care less about the quality* The truth: “I think I was convinced for a long time that drinking made me more creative. But really it just lowered my standards.”* She now has the stamina and clarity for deep, sustained creative work[30:43] From Performative Confidence to Embodied Self-TrustTyler describes the shift from the “self-conscious confidence” she had while drinking to the genuine embodiment she experiences now.* While drinking, she had confidence but was still posturing, wanting to be liked, performing* Now she’s willing to do the silly, embarrassing things—like being first on the dance floor—without needing liquid courage* The difference: “That confidence that I think I’ve had more innately from a young age has actually been able to bloom in a really beautiful way.”* Sobriety allowed her innate confidence to emerge without the performance[34:17] The Summer It Got Hard—and What That Taught HerTyler shares candidly about experiencing the first real difficulty with sobriety after 18 months—and what she learned from it.* This past summer marked the first time not drinking felt actively difficult rather than just easy* Working through those moments gave her even more clarity about her commitment* She’s not attached to permanent labels or future predictions—just staying present* Her approach: “It’s so much more about just staying really present to the moment I’m in and having that discernment and listening to the signals of my own body.”Key Quotes“It doesn’t matter that you’re not in rehab. It doesn’t matter that you’re not getting DUIs. It doesn’t matter that you’re not like ruining your life. Something about doing this thing does not resonate inside your body.” - Tyler Donohue“For me, it’s either a f**k yes or it’s a f**k no. Like it’s one or the other. I don’t stay at a party I don’t want to be at. I don’t go to events that don’t lift me up and give me energy.” - Tyler Donohue“I think I was convinced for a long time that drinking made me more creative. But really it just lowered my standards.” - Tyler Donohue“My body did remember. But my body has also—somehow—forgotten. Release.” - Tyler Donohue“It’s so much more about just staying really present to the moment I’m in and having that discernment and listening to the signals of my own body.” - Tyler DonohueResources Mentioned* Girl Resting - Tyler’s Substack newsletter featuring essays on desire, creativity, relationships, and building a life that’s your own idea* “It Mixes Well with Pheromones” - Tyler’s essay about smell, memory, and the terrible intimacy of wanting more (available on Girl Resting)* The Cut - Where Tyler has been published by New York MagazineWhere to Find TylerInstagram: Follow Tyler for updates on upcoming magazine publications and moreTyler is currently working on her first book—subscribe to her Substack to follow along with the journey.If Tyler’s Story Resonated With YouTyler’s journey illuminates something crucial: you don’t need to hit rock bottom to question your relationship with alcohol. Sometimes the most powerful signal is simply a persistent inner voice saying, “This isn’t quite right for me.”If you’re sensing that alcohol might be dimming your creative edge, numbing your intuition, or keeping you from fully inhabiting your life, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to figure it out alone.The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey designed specifically for creative professionals who are ready to remove alcohol as a barrier to their greatest work. It’s not about deprivation—it’s about expansion. It’s about discovering what happens when you stop performing and start living.Inside the program, you’ll discover:* How to build unshakeable clarity around your relationship with alcohol* Tools for sitting with discomfort instead of numbing it* Strategies for navigating social situations without compromising your values* How to channel the energy you used to spend drinking into your most meaningful workTyler’s story shows us what becomes possible when we listen to our bodies and honor what they’re telling us. What might your life look like if you gave yourself permission to do the same?Thank YouA heartfelt thank you to everyone who joined us live for this conversation, and to Tyler Donohue for her extraordinary honesty and wisdom. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.What’s NextThe Sober Creative is more than a newsletter—it’s a movement of professionals reclaiming their creativity by choosing clarity over coping.The 30-Day Alcohol-Free Reset starts on January 1st.If you want to see what your creativity feels like without alcohol in the way, this is your moment.Join the early list and I’ll notify you the second doors open.🎯 Take the Clarity Quiz: This assessment reveals certain areas where alcohol may be the exact thing that is quietly sabotaging your creative potential. It’s free and only takes a few minutes.✍️ Read the Essays: Stories and strategies for building a clear, creative, and intentional life.🎙️ Join Clear Conversations: Honest talks with creative professionals navigating the intersection of sobriety, self-discovery, and breakthrough work.💬 Curious about your next step? If you’re sensing that something’s holding you back, but you’re not sure what—reach out. Coaching, community, or clarity—it all starts with a conversation.✨ The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey to remove alcohol as the barrier to your greatest work.Each step forward is an act of becoming who you’re meant to be.Thanks for walking this path with me.JoshP.S. Missed previous episodes? Browse the Clear Conversations archive to explore more conversations with creative minds in sobriety.Transform your relationship with creativity and discover what becomes possible when you stop creating through a filter. Let’s explore that together. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

What happens when partying stops being fun and starts becoming survival? Jason from The Monkeymind Meditation Club knows this turning point intimately. Eight years ago, he was the loudest voice at the bar, the first one ordering shots, the guy who’d party until morning without question. Two-day benders turned into three-day benders, then four. Until one day he woke up in London with no memory of how he’d gotten home, and realized he was sinking fast.Meditation quite literally saved his life. Not the Instagram-perfect version with incense and perfectly aligned chakras, but the messy, real, accessible practice that meets you exactly where you are. Today Jason teaches meditation to people who don’t traditionally meditate, working alongside Jomo—the world’s first and only meditating monkey—to create what he calls “a quiet, playful rebellion” against a culture that never stops demanding our attention. His philosophy is beautifully simple: you feel what you feel when you feel it.In this conversation, Jason shares how sobriety and meditation became inseparable tools for rebuilding his life, why he spent an entire day calculating his ikigai to confirm his calling, and how a velvet-vested puppet monkey helps heal parts of people they didn’t even know needed healing.Show Notes[03:29] The Breaking Point: When Fun Becomes SurvivalJason describes his descent from “work hard, play hard” to forgetting the work part entirely. His marriage had ended, his consultancy work fell apart, and he found himself in a corporate job he hated while drinking harder than ever.* The pattern escalated from two-day benders to four-day affairs with no clear end* Blackout drinking became normal—waking up not knowing how he got home* People around him were increasingly concerned as his life spiraled* He recognized he was using alcohol as a numbing mechanism rather than celebrationKey insight: “It was fun until it wasn’t” became Jason’s defining realization that something had to change.[05:38] Finding Meditation: From Apps to Life-Changing PracticeJason’s introduction to meditation started casually but quickly became transformative. He began with apps like Headspace and Calm, doing 10 minutes a day.* Attended a talk by a well-known meditation teacher and immediately signed up for a weekend intensive* Started attending group meditations regularly nine years ago* The practice profoundly affected him in ways he couldn’t ignore* His background in learning and development made him want to teach othersKey insight: Jason spent an entire day working through his ikigai (Japanese concept of life purpose) mapping what he could be paid for, what he loved, what the world needs, and what he’s good at. Everything converged on becoming a meditation teacher.[08:02] The Problem with Meditation’s ImageJason became increasingly frustrated with how meditation was portrayed in mainstream culture. When you Google “meditation,” you’re met with images that create barriers rather than bridges.* Skinny white women in impossible yoga poses on clifftops* Perfect bodies in perfect lighting that alienate most people* The message: “You need to be this to meditate”* This perception keeps people who desperately need meditation from trying itKey insight: Jason realized meditation needed to be democratized and made accessible to people who don’t fit the Instagram aesthetic—especially those dealing with real struggles like addiction, grief, and overwhelm.[13:45] Creating Jomo: The Universe’s GiftThe story of how Jomo came to be is almost magical. Jason wanted to create something warm, accessible, and non-threatening to guide meditations.* Originally planned to use his own image but felt it wasn’t quite right* His partner suggested a monkey—something playful yet wise* A designer created Jomo with specific instructions: kind eyes with depth and soul* The puppet was hand-dyed and crafted to exact specificationsKey insight: Jason believes the universe delivered exactly what was needed. Jomo heals parts of people they didn’t even know needed healing, creating a safe space that feels magical yet grounded.[26:15] Meditation and Sobriety: Inseparable ToolsFor Jason, meditation became the foundation that made sobriety sustainable. He practices 30-40 minutes daily, usually in the morning.* Meditation helped him process the emotions he’d been numbing with alcohol* The practice taught him to sit with discomfort rather than escape it* He developed the ability to observe cravings without acting on them* Meditation created the mental space to make conscious choicesKey insight: The Buddhist teaching of the two arrows—the first arrow is unavoidable pain, the second is the suffering we add by resisting it. Meditation helps gently lower that second arrow.[32:40] The Relapse That Sealed EverythingAfter six years sober, Jason had one night of drinking. Rather than derailing him, it became the final confirmation he needed.* He went out with friends and decided to have “just one drink”* The experience wasn’t what he remembered or hoped for* Rather than opening a gateway back to drinking, it closed the door completely* He felt grateful for the experience because it removed all doubtKey insight: Sometimes a relapse can be the best thing that happens because it eliminates the “what if” question and reinforces why sobriety matters.[42:32] Rules for Sober SocializingJason developed specific guidelines that help him navigate social situations without alcohol.* Always pay for your rounds (though friends now spot him for lime and soda)* Leave when the first person starts slurring—that’s when everyone “clicks up a level” together* Don’t stay once you realize you’re not on the same wavelength anymore* The “Irish exit” (slipping out via the bathroom) is perfectly acceptableKey insight: Jason noticed he’d become invisible in drunk conversations, like the zombies in World War Z that don’t attack people who are already “infected” with something. Once everyone reaches a certain level of intoxication, the sober person gets erased from the dynamic.[45:04] Meeting Jomo: The Magic Made RealThe conversation concludes with Jason bringing out Jomo, revealing the physical puppet that guides thousands through meditation.* Jomo is larger than expected, carefully handcrafted with poseable hands and feet* His eyes were designed to have depth and soul—the most important feature* Every detail was intentional, from the velvet vest to the thread matching his skin tone* Seeing Jason and Jomo together in real time creates a rare, special momentKey insight: Jomo represents the Joy Of Missing Out (JOMO)—a gentle rebellion against constant connectivity and the fear of missing experiences that don’t actually serve us.Key Quotes“It was fun until it wasn’t.” - Jason“You feel what you feel when you feel it.” - Jason“Jomo heals parts of us inside that sometimes we don’t even know needed healed.” - Jason“The first arrow is the pain itself—unavoidable and devastating. The second arrow is the suffering we add by resisting that pain. Meditation helps us gently lower that second arrow.” - Jason“When the first person starts slurring, that’s when I leave. Because I now know that everybody has just clicked up a level together and I’m not there.” - JasonResources MentionedMeditation Apps: Headspace and Calm (Jason’s entry point into meditation)Ikigai: Japanese concept for finding life purpose through the intersection of what you love, what you’re good at, what the world needs, and what you can be paid forBuddhist Teaching: The Two Arrows—a framework for understanding pain versus sufferingJOMO: Joy Of Missing Out (vs. FOMO)Where to Find JasonSocial Media: Find Monkeymind Meditation on YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok (primarily TikTok)Jason offers live meditation sessions with recordings available to subscribers. Join the community for guided meditations, honest reflections on sobriety and anxiety, and the chance to meditate with Jomo.Ready to Discover What’s Possible?If Jason’s story resonates with you—if you’re sensing that alcohol might be holding back your creative potential or wondering what life could look like without it—you’re in exactly the right place.The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey designed specifically for creative professionals ready to remove alcohol as the barrier to their greatest work. This isn’t about crisis intervention. It’s about transformation and possibility.You don’t need to hit rock bottom to make a change. You just need to be curious about what clarity could unlock in your creative life.Thank YouA heartfelt thank you to Carína Brighid, Noelle Richards, and to everyone who joined us live for this conversation, and to Jason for his extraordinary openness and wisdom. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.What’s NextThe Sober Creative is more than a newsletter—it’s a movement of professionals reclaiming their creativity by choosing clarity over coping.🎯 Take the Clarity Quiz: This assessment reveals certain areas where alcohol may be the exact thing that is quietly sabotaging your creative potential. It’s free and only takes a few minutes.✍️ Read the Essays: Stories and strategies for building a clear, creative, and intentional life.🎙️ Join Clear Conversations: Honest talks with creative professionals navigating the intersection of sobriety, self-discovery, and breakthrough work.💬 Curious about your next step? If you’re sensing that something’s holding you back, but you’re not sure what—reach out. Coaching, community, or clarity—it all starts with a conversation.✨ The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey to remove alcohol as the barrier to your greatest work.Each step forward is an act of becoming who you’re meant to be.Thanks for walking this path with me.JoshP.S. Missed previous episodes? Browse the Clear Conversations archive to explore more conversations with creative minds in sobriety.Transform your relationship with creativity and discover what becomes possible when you stop creating through a filter. Let’s explore that together. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

Derek MacDonald got sober, got broken up with, and moved across the country—all in the same week. Most people would call that rock bottom. Derek called it a foundation.Four and a half years later, he’s the creator of Becoming Unobstructed, a newsletter and podcast reaching readers in 32+ countries. He’s published 450,000 words in 18 months—the equivalent of eight copies of The Great Gatsby. And he’s living proof that the choice between creativity and stability is a false one.This conversation goes deep into what happens when you stop performing, start being honest with yourself, and discover that the things you thought made you “less than” were actually pointing you toward your truest creative expression. Derek’s journey from working three jobs in a Wyoming mountain town to building a thriving creative practice isn’t about hustle culture or overnight success—it’s about what becomes possible when you remove the obstruction of substances and get square with who you actually are.Show Notes[05:30] The Week Everything Converged* Derek planned his sobriety date after multiple failed attempts, giving himself the illusion that “on this day I will get sober and my life will be beautiful”* Reality hit hard: got sober, started a new job the next day, got broken up with, had to move out, and relocated across the country—all in one week* His entire life in Wyoming was wrapped up in drinking culture: working as a snowboard guide, in the service industry, and doing freelance marketing/writing projects from sunrise to bar close* The outdoor industry bonding mechanism was “let’s grab beers after we do some fun activity”—his social world and work world were inseparable from alcohol[09:20] Running in Quicksand: The Tipping Point* Derek describes feeling like he was “running in quicksand”—putting in massive effort but going nowhere* He got “sick and tired of being sick and tired” and realized stopping drinking might let him actually see progress* The breakup and move forced him to confront his relationship with alcohol without the safety net of his established social world* Moving across the country became an unexpected gift: “I literally could not get a drink if I tried”—he had to start over completely[15:45] The Spreadsheet That Changed Everything* About six months into sobriety, Derek started tracking his habits in a simple spreadsheet to gauge happiness* The act of tracking itself became a form of presence and mindfulness—he realized he’d been living on autopilot* That spreadsheet evolved into a system, which became a business plan* Three years ago: meditated every single day for a year. Two years ago: designed his business, website, newsletter, and podcast. One year ago: launched it all[23:12] Discovering ADHD and Unmasking in Sobriety* Derek learned he had ADHD as an adult—the “H” (hyperactivity) hid behind masking behaviors developed since middle school* Alcohol became part of his masking toolkit: a way to fit in, cope with sensory overload, and navigate social situations* Getting sober meant confronting the fact that he’d been performing for most of his life rather than showing up authentically* Understanding his neurodivergence helped him recognize he wasn’t “broken”—he just needed different strategies[28:40] Relearning Connection Without Alcohol* Derek had to learn how to exist in a room full of people and connect without the social lubricant of alcohol* His solution: focusing on things that genuinely excited him and letting people who enjoy similar things find him organically* He stopped chasing career ladders and titles that he thought would compensate for what he “lacked”* Sobriety revealed he’d been using professional achievements as justification for the parts of himself he didn’t like[35:18] The MAP Year: Building Systems for Sustainable Creativity* The MAP Year Project is Derek’s framework for helping people make room for both creativity and stability* It’s built on his personal system of tracking, presence, and intentional design* The philosophy: you don’t have to ditch your creative dreams to survive, and you don’t have to burn out to build something meaningful* Core components include meditation, exercise, nutrition, sleep—foundational practices that increase confidence and life enjoyment[38:12] Creativity and Sobriety: Permission to Just Do the Thing* Derek used to think creativity was the opposite of stability—that he had to choose one or the other* Getting sober and being honest with himself helped him realize he didn’t need to perform or chase validation anymore* Writing had always been how he expressed himself, but he was embarrassed about it for years* In 18 months, he’s published 450,000 words—eight Great Gatsbys—and had to confront the story that he “wasn’t a writer”[42:56] From Proving You’re Creative to Opening the Door Wider* Derek’s mindset has shifted from “trying to prove I’m allowed to be creative” to asking “what else am I limiting myself on?”* Social media initially “fucked with his head” and brought him back to that early sobriety lesson: do it for you, not for what others think* Falling in love with the process—not the metrics—has helped him find authentic connection with other creators* Doing things that inspire us leads us to things that keep inspiring usKey Quotes“I just kind of reached a point where I got sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was putting in so much effort to try to change my situation and move myself forward, but I wasn’t going anywhere. I felt like I was running in quicksand.” - Derek MacDonald“My entire life was wrapped up in drinking and drinking culture. The problem was, to make that change [to sobriety], I had to uproot everything.” - Derek MacDonald“I used to think that to choose things that would provide a stable life—stable income, stable relationships—meant I had to not choose creativity. It was one or the other. And I don’t think that’s true anymore.” - Derek MacDonald“I always told myself I wasn’t a writer, and then here I am. I just wanted to start doing the thing. I was like, okay, I think I might be a writer. And so now the question is, what else am I limiting myself on?” - Derek MacDonald“Getting sober and being honest with myself allowed me to understand why I had been chasing these other things—these career goals or ways that I thought would bring me fulfillment. I could let some of that go and embrace: hey man, you love writing and storytelling. You don’t need anybody else to give you permission. You can just go do that.” - Derek MacDonaldResources Mentioned* Becoming Unobstructed - Derek’s newsletter and podcast (theunobstructed.com)* The MAP Year Project - Derek’s framework for navigating agency, grief, and creativity* The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald - Referenced when Derek calculated he’d written the equivalent of eight copies in 18 monthsWhere to Find Derek MacDonald* Website: theunobstructed.com* Podcast: Becoming UnobstructedYour Next Step in Creative ClarityIf Derek’s story resonates with you—if you’ve been running in quicksand, putting in massive effort but not seeing the progress you know you’re capable of—you don’t have to keep running alone.Maybe you’ve told yourself the same story Derek did: that choosing creativity means sacrificing stability, or that building something meaningful requires burning out. Maybe you’re using alcohol to mask, to fit in, or to quiet the voice that says you’re not enough. Maybe you’ve been so busy performing that you’ve forgotten what it feels like to show up authentically.Derek proved something essential: the choice between creativity and stability is false. But getting to that realization required removing the obstruction—the substance that kept him performing instead of creating, proving instead of being.The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey designed specifically for creative professionals who are ready to remove alcohol as the barrier to their greatest work. It’s not about willpower or deprivation—it’s about building a life so compelling that drinking becomes irrelevant. It’s about discovering what becomes possible when you stop trying to justify who you are and start embracing what you actually love.Derek wrote 450,000 words in 18 months once he stopped proving he was allowed to be creative and just started doing the thing. What’s waiting on the other side of your obstruction?If you’re curious about what your life and work could look like with complete clarity, let’s talk. Let’s explore what’s possible when you stop performing and start creating.Thank YouA heartfelt thank you to Noelle Richards, Karen K and everyone else who joined us live for this conversation, and to Derek MacDonald for his extraordinary honesty and wisdom. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.What’s NextThe Sober Creative is more than a newsletter—it’s a movement of professionals reclaiming their creativity by choosing clarity over coping.🎯 Take the Clarity Quiz: This assessment reveals certain areas where alcohol may be the exact thing that is quietly sabotaging your creative potential. It’s free and only takes a few minutes.✍️ Read the Essays: Stories and strategies for building a clear, creative, and intentional life.🎙️ Join Clear Conversations: Honest talks with creative professionals navigating the intersection of sobriety, self-discovery, and breakthrough work.💬 Curious about your next step? If you’re sensing that something’s holding you back, but you’re not sure what—reach out. Coaching, community, or clarity—it all starts with a conversation.✨ The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey to remove alcohol as the barrier to your greatest work.Each step forward is an act of becoming who you’re meant to be.Thanks for walking this path with me.JoshP.S. Missed previous episodes? Browse the Clear Conversations archive to explore more conversations with creative minds in sobriety.Transform your relationship with creativity and discover what becomes possible when you stop creating through a filter. Let’s explore that together. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

Alicia Cook knows something most of us spend our lives trying to avoid: what it means to transform unbearable loss into art that heals others. After losing her 19-year-old cousin Jessica to a heroin overdose when she was just 20, Alicia could have let grief silence her. Instead, she picked up her pen and began writing—not about her own addiction, but about the devastation addiction leaves in its wake for the people who love someone caught in its grip.Over the past decade, she’s become one of the most powerful voices in mental health and addiction awareness advocacy. Her four poetry collections have reached millions, been nominated for Goodreads Choice Awards, and transformed into song cycles and dance performances. But what makes her work resonate isn’t the accolades—it’s her refusal to offer easy comfort. Her poetry sits with you in the hardest moments and whispers: you’re not alone in this.In this conversation, we explore the intersection of creativity, grief, and the choice to stop drinking—not because she was physically dependent, but because she recognized it wasn’t serving the life she wanted to build. This is a conversation about finding your voice when loss tries to steal it, about the courage it takes to write about the hardest things, and about why sometimes the best thing you can say to someone in pain is nothing at all.Show Notes[03:57] The Decision to Stop Drinking* Alicia stopped drinking in June 2019—not because of physical dependency, but because she realized it wasn’t adding to her life* “What’s the point of one drink? I’ll just drink water if that’s the case”* She always drank with intention to get drunk, never casually* The decision became easy once she made it: “Full stop, it was very easy for me never to drink again”[05:27] Living in the War Zone of Loving Someone with Addiction* Her main experience with addiction was watching her cousin and others in her family struggle with heroin* “That’s its own war zone in itself”—the helplessness of watching someone deteriorate* People would say “I could stop if I wanted to,” even as the drug destroyed them from the inside out* The reality: you have no control, and nothing you say or do can make them stop until they’re ready[08:32] The Origin Story: Losing Jessica* Jessica died from a heroin overdose at 19; Alicia was 20* “Her better place was at home with me”—pushing back against well-meaning but hollow comfort* The loss catalyzed everything: her advocacy work, her poetry series “The Other Side of Addiction”* She began writing to shed light on how addiction devastates families, not just users[14:17] Why Poetry? The Music Mixtape Format* Alicia has been writing poetry since childhood—it’s not just what she does, it’s how she sees the world* Her books are structured like mixtapes with “tracks” because music and poetry are intertwined for her* “I can’t separate music and words... I’ve always found the correlation between the two”* The format gives readers permission to skip around, much like we do with albums[24:03] The Intersection of Grief, Addiction, and Mental Health* All three topics appear in her work simultaneously because that’s how they exist in real life* She refuses to separate them into neat categories* “I’m writing about grief and mental health and addiction all at once because I experienced them all at once”* The interconnectedness of these experiences is what makes her work resonate with so many people[30:41] On Sobriety and Self-Understanding* Getting sober allowed her to understand herself better and face uncomfortable truths* “You have to replace the bad habit with something else that might be beneficial to your life”* She’s careful not to give prescriptive advice because everyone’s journey is different* The key: find your rhythm, discover what you enjoy doing instead[39:42] Original Poetry Reading: “Lessons from the Grief Police”* Alicia shared an unpublished satirical poem about unsolicited grief advice* The “grief police” are people who tell you to move on, count your blessings, or be grateful for time you had* “Their better place was at home with me”—rejecting the notion that death is ever preferable* Sometimes the best thing to say to someone grieving is nothing at allKey Quotes“What’s the point of one drink? I’ll just drink water if that’s the case. So that’s my brain.” - Alicia Cook“You look like a walking corpse. It’s destroying you from the inside out and they just can’t see it. They’re so far gone in this disease of addiction.” - Alicia Cook“Her better place was at home with me. I would rather have her detoxing in a rehab, but thanks.” - Alicia Cook“You have to replace the bad habit with something else that might be beneficial to your life instead of taking away from your life.” - Alicia Cook“Sometimes the best thing to say is nothing because when you’re going through grief, my patience is short. You say one ridiculous thing to me, that might be it for us.” - Alicia CookResources MentionedAlicia Cook’s Poetry Collections:* Stuff I’ve Been Feeling Lately (2016, Goodreads Choice Awards Finalist)* I Hope My Voice Doesn’t Skip (2018)* Sorry I Haven’t Texted You Back (2020, Goodreads Choice Awards Semi-Finalist)* The Music Was Just Getting Good (2024)Essay Series:* “The Other Side of Addiction” - essays about how drug addiction impacts familiesMedia:* Featured on PBS Emmy-nominated documentary series Here’s the Story in the episode “A Family Disease”Where to Find Alicia CookInstagram: @thealiciacook (her main platform) Alicia regularly performs poetry readings at Barnes & Noble locations, schools, colleges, and poetry communities throughout the Northeast.Your Next Step in Creative ClarityIf Alicia’s story resonates with you—if you’ve been sensing that drinking isn’t adding to your life anymore, or if you’re watching it slowly drain the creative energy you know you’re capable of—you don’t have to figure this out alone.The choice to stop drinking isn’t always about rock bottom or physical dependency. Sometimes it’s simply recognizing that something isn’t serving the person you’re trying to become. Sometimes it’s about removing the one thing that’s standing between you and your clearest, most creative self.The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey designed specifically for creative professionals who are ready to remove alcohol as the barrier to their greatest work. It’s not about willpower or deprivation—it’s about building a life so compelling that drinking becomes irrelevant.If you’re curious about what your life and work could look like with complete clarity, let’s talk. Book a call and let’s explore what’s possible when you stop numbing and start creating.Thank YouA heartfelt thank you to everyone who joined us live for this conversation, and to Alicia Cook for her extraordinary honesty, vulnerability, and powerful poetry. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.What’s NextThe Sober Creative is more than a newsletter—it’s a movement of professionals reclaiming their creativity by choosing clarity over coping.🎯 Take the Clarity Quiz: This assessment reveals certain areas where alcohol may be the exact thing that is quietly sabotaging your creative potential. It’s free and only takes a few minutes.✍️ Read the Essays: Stories and strategies for building a clear, creative, and intentional life.🎙️ Join Clear Conversations: Honest talks with creative professionals navigating the intersection of sobriety, self-discovery, and breakthrough work.💬 Curious about your next step? If you’re sensing that something’s holding you back, but you’re not sure what—reach out. Coaching, community, or clarity—it all starts with a conversation.✨ The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey to remove alcohol as the barrier to your greatest work.Each step forward is an act of becoming who you’re meant to be.Thanks for walking this path with me.JoshP.S. Missed previous episodes? Browse the Clear Conversations archive to explore more conversations with creative minds in sobriety.Transform your relationship with creativity and discover what becomes possible when you stop creating through a filter. Let’s explore that together. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

What happens when the productivity warrior inside you finally surrenders? When chronic illness forces you to abandon every achievement strategy you’ve ever known? And what if that breaking point becomes the doorway to your most authentic creative work?Cali Bird lived the high-achieving life for decades—accountant, investment banker, IT specialist, all while nurturing creative projects on the side. She was the ultimate pusher-througher, juggling a corporate career, aging parents, and a 20-year novel manuscript. It worked. Until it didn’t. Long COVID brought her to her knees in 2022, followed by her husband’s traumatic brain injury in 2023 that changed him completely. Through these losses, Cali discovered something revolutionary: the gentle path she was forced onto wasn’t a detour from her creative life—it was the road to it.Today, as the voice behind Gentle Creative on Substack, Cali teaches what four decades of Buddhist practice and hard-won wisdom have shown her: that being gentle with yourself isn’t weakness or indulgence. It’s the foundation for sustainable creativity, authentic work, and a life that doesn’t require numbing to endure.[03:42] Redefining Sobriety: From Pushing Through to Being KindCali frames sobriety not as abstinence from substances, but as the practice of being kind to herself after years of relentless pushing.* She worked three days a week in corporate while coaching, writing, and caring for aging parents—constantly juggling and making it happen* This approach got her where she wanted to be, including completing her novel, but it also led to burnout and ultimately broke her health* Long COVID four years ago forced a complete shift: she can no longer push through, and pacing with rest has become non-negotiable* The gentle approach isn’t optional anymore—it’s the only sustainable path forward, and she doesn’t want to return to the old way[05:37] Forty Years of Buddhist Practice: The Foundation That HeldCali discovered Buddhism at 21 when starting her career as a trainee accountant, and it became her lifeline through decades of challenges.* After experiencing stress-related fatigue during her final year as a music student, she knew she needed something to support her naturally* Alternative therapies weren’t widespread in the 1980s, so finding a spiritual practice felt essential for long-term wellbeing* Buddhism came into her life almost accidentally—she stumbled upon it through housemates in London who practiced with SGI (Soka Gakkai International)* The practice gave her a framework for resilience that she’s relied on through long COVID, her husband’s injury, and ongoing creative work[15:20] The Body That Kept Score: From Cursing to PraisingOne of Cali’s most profound transformations has been her relationship with her body—moving from resentment to reverence.* For years, she cursed her body for “letting her down” with chronic fatigue and limitations* Through her health crisis, she came to recognize her body as an ally that was trying to protect her, not betray her* She now praises her body daily for everything it does—for healing, for functioning, for getting her through each day* This shift from antagonism to appreciation has been central to her recovery and her ability to continue creative work[20:45] Granny Oak and the Messages from TreesCali has developed an unusual but deeply meaningful practice of receiving guidance from her favorite tree, which she shares with her community.* She visits an ancient oak tree regularly and receives what she describes as messages or guidance* These messages become part of her Substack content, offering wisdom to her readers* She’s even discussed this practice on a live call with a qualified forestry professional, exploring the intersection of nature connection and intuition* This practice represents her willingness to lean into her authentic self, even when it might seem unconventional to others[28:30] The Possessed Novelist: Twenty Years and Talking HandbagsCali’s creative journey with her novel trilogy shows what gentle persistence looks like over decades.* Her first novel, “Tales of the Countess,” took 20 years to complete—it sat in a drawer for nine of those years* The quirky romantic comedy features talking handbags and explores the journey of becoming happy in yourself before finding love* She’s now working on books two and three of the trilogy, both in second or third draft stage* Despite long COVID and her husband’s injury, she’s remained “possessed” by these novels, working on them even when she could only manage 20-30 minutes a day[34:00] Gentle Productivity: Two Hours That MatterCali’s current creative practice defies every productivity guru’s playbook—and it works.* Even without juggling a day job anymore, she still only has about two to two-and-a-half productive hours per day for her novel work* Working on her novel for even 20-30 minutes makes her happy and feels grounding—she smiles just talking about it* She’s learned to work in the ways her body allows, parking projects when needed but always returning to them* Her Substack has continued throughout long COVID because she’s found a sustainable rhythm that honors her limitations[36:30] Writing Your Truth: From How-To to Just How It WasCali’s writing has evolved from prescriptive teaching to simply sharing her lived experience.* She used to write more “how-to” content, spelling out lessons and takeaways for readers* In recent months, she’s shifted to essay-style writing that simply describes how things were for her* She trusts readers to find their own teaching moments without her underlining them* This evolution reflects her deeper acceptance of her authentic voice and trust in her audience to take what they needKey Quotes“I have to be gentle because there is no other option. And I don’t want to push through like I used to. It broke me. I don’t regret it. It got me to where I am. But it’s not going to get me forward.” - Cali Bird“For years, I’ve cursed my body for letting me down. And now I praise it. I praise it for what it does, for healing, for getting through things.” - Cali Bird“Life has to be joy. It has to work holistically for me.” - Cali Bird“Even in my inhibited state, I have still been able to work on them. And it’s just so joyful. I’m smiling as I talk to you about it.” - Cali Bird“We all find our own people and our own tribes, don’t we? This message is perfect for some people—just what they need to hear. And for other people, I’m not for them. That’s fine.” - Cali BirdResources Mentioned* SGI (Soka Gakkai International) - The Buddhist organization Cali has practiced with for 40 years* Gentle Creative - Cali’s Substack newsletter on radical self-gentleness* Tales of the Countess - Cali’s debut novel featuring talking handbags (available on Amazon and other book retailers)Where to Find Cali BirdWebsite: gentlecreative.comBook: Tales of the Countess by Cali Bird (available wherever books are sold)Coaching: Information available at gentlecreative.comYour Next Step: The Gentle Revolution Meets Intentional TransformationIf Cali’s story resonates with you—if you’re tired of pushing through, numbing out, or wondering why your creative work feels like it’s happening despite you rather than because of you—there’s a path forward.The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey designed for creative professionals who are ready to remove alcohol as the barrier to their greatest work. This isn’t about white-knuckling through cravings or feeling deprived. It’s about discovering what Cali found: that gentleness, clarity, and sustainable creativity are possible when you stop using substances to cope with the pressure you’re putting on yourself.The method combines:* Personalized coaching to address your unique creative blocks* Community support from others walking the same path* Practical strategies for building a clear, creative, and intentional lifeYou don’t have to wait for a health crisis to give yourself permission to live differently. You can choose gentleness now. You can choose clarity now. You can choose to become the creator you’re meant to be—not despite your limitations, but because you finally honor them.Ready to explore what’s possible? Unlock Your Creative PotentialThank YouA heartfelt thank you to everyone who joined us live for this conversation, and to Cali Bird for her extraordinary wisdom and vulnerability. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.What’s NextThe Sober Creative is more than a newsletter—it’s a movement of professionals reclaiming their creativity by choosing clarity over coping.🎯 Take the Clarity Quiz: This assessment reveals certain patterns where alcohol may be the exact thing that is quietly sabotaging your creative potential. It’s free and only takes a few minutes.✍️ Read the Essays: Stories and strategies for building a clear, creative, and intentional life.🎙️ Join Clear Conversations: Honest talks with creative professionals navigating the intersection of sobriety, self-discovery, and breakthrough work.💬 Curious about your next step? If you’re sensing that something’s holding you back, but you’re not sure what—reach out. Coaching, community, or clarity—it all starts with a conversation.✨ The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey to remove alcohol as the barrier to your greatest work.Each step forward is an act of becoming who you’re meant to be.Thanks for walking this path with me.JoshP.S. Missed previous episodes? Browse the Clear Conversations archive to explore more conversations with creative minds in sobriety.Transform your relationship with creativity and discover what becomes possible when you stop creating through a filter. Let’s explore that together. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

Paulina Pinsky got sober on December 22, 2021, after a panic attack in an Alabama gas station—days before Christmas, ending an engagement, and moving back in with her parents at 29. Most people would wait years before writing about that kind of rock bottom. Paulina started documenting it 70 days later.What emerged from that decision is newly sober, a newsletter that captures what’s missing from most recovery literature: the messy, uncertain, gut-wrenching first year as it’s actually happening. No polish. No retrospective wisdom. Just the raw truth of early recovery, written in all lowercase letters because, as Paulina says, “I know very little. I am no saint.”But here’s what makes Paulina’s journey particularly relevant for creative professionals: she discovered that the energy she’d been pouring into managing addiction—the mental gymnastics of when to text, when to hide, when to perform—became fuel for her creative life once she got sober. Her writing went from labored to flow. Her spiritual life and creative life merged into one practice. And the distortion between who she thought she was and how she showed up in the world finally dissolved.Show Notes[04:15] The Consent Book She Didn’t Consent To* Co-authored It Doesn’t Have to Be Awkward with her father, Dr. Drew, while deeply resentful about the project* The book’s central framework (TCB: Trust, Compassion, Boundaries) became the tool that extracted her from addiction* Through promoting the book, she had to stop smoking weed 24/7 to show up clear-minded—the first crack in her addiction* The book is now banned in several states and has become a resource she’s genuinely proud ofKey insight: Sometimes the work we resist most becomes the medicine we need most.[07:00] Rock Bottom in an Alabama Gas Station* Three-day road trip to New Orleans turned crisis when her ex-fiancé went into weed-induced psychosis* The TCB framework suddenly became visible: “He’s not showing me compassion... He’s not respecting my boundaries... I don’t trust him”* Panic attack at a gas station, flew home the next day, attended first recovery meeting on Christmas Eve* Found herself in her parents’ garage, slamming her hands on the car hood because they didn’t say goodbyeKey insight: Rock bottom looks different for everyone, and Paulina challenges the “high bottom” narrative—hers was devastating, even without losing teeth or a job.[12:48] The Distortion of Addiction* “Addiction was a distortion between who I thought I was and how the world saw me”* Started newly sober at 70 days sober because she needed a task and couldn’t sit with herself* Committed to “becoming in public” as an artist—working it out in real time rather than waiting for polish* After almost four years: “Who I think I am is aligned with how I show up”Key insight: The mental energy spent managing addiction (deciding who to text while high, hiding, performing) disappears in sobriety—and suddenly you have surplus energy for creation.[17:51] The Marijuana Misinformation Campaign* In the 90s, a joint had 3.4% THC; today’s products start at 13%* Former tobacco lobbyists ran the marijuana legalization campaigns with messaging like “it’s not addictive” and “it enhances creativity”* Witnessed three people in her close circle go into weed-induced psychosis during her first year of sobriety* People quietly reach out saying they experienced voices or paranoia, ashamed it “didn’t work for them”Key insight: The cultural acceptance of marijuana as harmless creates shame for those who struggle with it—Paulina had to defend her own lived experience against the narrative “weed isn’t addictive.”[25:22] The Artist’s Way as Spiritual Practice* Has led people through The Artist’s Way since 2020; starting her 10th cohort in January 2025* Graduate school at Columbia taught her craft but not how to sustain an artistic practice or identity* Core belief: “Creativity is our divine right—if you write, you’re a writer. Period.”* Morning pages (3 pages stream of consciousness) and weekly artist dates are non-negotiable practicesKey insight: The trampoline park over the feminist panel—prioritizing what your inner child actually wants, not what sounds impressive.[32:30] Writing as Divine Channel* Ice skating at age five was her first experience of flow—brain goes quiet, existing and not existing simultaneously* Writing became her quickest conduit to the divine: “I forget myself and I start speaking the truth”* Voice = personality (Victor LaValle): “My own voice is just the truest distillation of self”* Currently working on book proposal Showpony: Dismantling an Inheritance (submitted to agents this week)Key insight: Constantly has essays “percolating”—downloads that need to be channeled—and with practice, she can sit down and just do it without the “I don’t know” paralysis.[36:00] Recovery, Creativity, and Spirit as One* “My recovery and my creativity are both intertwined... my creative life and my spiritual life are the same”* If recovery life isn’t aligned, creative life suffers; if creative life isn’t aligned, recovery suffers* Cultural messaging like “write drunk, edit sober” is destructive—Paulina never wrote while using (”all the barf on the keys”)* As “Barflina,” there was no sitting down to write—just excess and blackoutsKey insight: Who she is as an artist is “so much more potent” now that she’s sober—no distortion, no hiding, just alignment between inner truth and outer expression.[38:18] Teaching Consent Beyond the Bedroom* It Doesn’t Have to Be Awkward doesn’t discuss sex until chapter 10* Instead, it runs TCB (trust, compassion, boundaries) through every relationship: friends, teachers, peers, family* Parents use the audiobook (narrated by Paulina and Dr. Drew) in the car to facilitate conversations naturally* Banned in conservative states because it gives kids agency to think through their own boundariesKey insight: Teaching consent isn’t about sex—it’s about helping young people understand who deserves their trust and what compassion actually means.Key Quotes“Addiction was a distortion between who I thought I was and how the world saw me. Who I think I am is aligned with how I show up now.” - Paulina Pinsky“You don’t realize how much energy mental gymnastics takes until it’s gone. All this energy that goes into facilitating a full-blown addiction is gone, and all of a sudden you have this surplus of energy for other things.” - Paulina Pinsky“My creativity doesn’t feel so labored anymore. I just sit down and do it. Who I am as an artist is so much more potent now that I’m sober.” - Paulina Pinsky“Creativity is our divine right. If you write, you’re a writer. There’s no other prerequisite for it.” - Paulina Pinsky“My recovery and my creativity are both intertwined... my creative life and my spiritual life are the same. And my recovery and my spiritual life are the same.” - Paulina PinskyResources MentionedBooks:* The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron - 12-week spiritual workbook for unblocking creativity* It Doesn’t Have to Be Awkward: Dealing with Relationships, Consent, and Other Hard-to-Talk-About Stuff by Paulina Pinsky & Dr. Drew Pinsky* The Body in Pain by Elaine Scarry - “To experience pain is to know it, but to experience it in others is to doubt it”Concepts:* Morning Pages - 3 pages of stream-of-consciousness writing each morning* Artist Dates - Weekly solo outings to nurture your inner child/creative self* TCB Framework - Trust, Compassion, Boundaries (applied to all relationships, not just romantic)Upcoming:* Showpony: Dismantling an Inheritance - Paulina’s book proposal currently with agentsWhere to Find PaulinaNewsletters:Social Media:* Instagram: @paulina_pinsky* TikTok: @paulinapleaseWebsite & Courses:* paulinapinsky.com* The Artist’s Way 12-week cohort starting January 2025Your Creative Life Is WaitingIf Paulina’s story resonates with you—if you’ve been wondering whether the substance you thought enhanced your creativity might actually be blocking it—you’re not alone. The mental gymnastics of managing drinking or using takes enormous energy. Energy that could fuel your greatest creative work.The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey designed specifically for creative professionals ready to remove alcohol as the barrier to their breakthrough work. This isn’t about willpower or deprivation—it’s about discovering what becomes possible when you stop numbing yourself and start channeling that energy into your art, your business, your life’s work.The distortion Paulina describes—between who you think you are and how you show up—doesn’t have to be permanent. Alignment is possible. Potent creativity is possible. And it starts with getting curious about what sobriety could unlock.💬 Curious about your next step? If you’re sensing that something’s holding you back, but you’re not sure what—reach out. Coaching, community, or clarity—it all starts with a conversation. Like Paulina says, sometimes the work we resist most becomes the medicine we need most.Thank YouA heartfelt thank you to Pablo, Noelle Richards, and many others for joining us and to Paulina Pinsky for her extraordinary honesty, humor, and wisdom in this conversation. Your willingness to document early recovery in real time—lowercase letters and all—creates permission for others to be messy, uncertain, and authentic on their own journeys.What’s NextThe Sober Creative is more than a newsletter—it’s a movement of professionals reclaiming their creativity by choosing clarity over coping.🎯 Take the Clarity Quiz: This assessment reveals certain patterns where alcohol may be the exact thing that is quietly sabotaging your creative potential. It’s free and only takes a few minutes.✍️ Read the Essays: Stories and strategies for building a clear, creative, and intentional life.🎙️ Join Clear Conversations: Honest talks with creative professionals navigating the intersection of sobriety, self-discovery, and breakthrough work.💬 Curious about your next step? If you’re sensing that something’s holding you back, but you’re not sure what—reach out. Coaching, community, or clarity—it all starts with a conversation.✨ The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey to remove alcohol as the barrier to your greatest work.Each step forward is an act of becoming who you’re meant to be.Thanks for walking this path with me.JoshP.S. Missed previous episodes? Browse the Clear Conversations archive to explore more conversations with creative minds in sobriety.Transform your relationship with creativity and discover what becomes possible when you stop creating through a filter. Let’s explore that together. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

There’s a particular kind of courage required to strip away the masks we’ve worn for decades—the personas we built to survive, to please, to belong. For performer, teacher, and writer Deborah Jeanne Weitzman, that journey began not with alcohol, but with food, and evolved into a 40-year exploration of what it means to live authentically.In our conversation, Deborah shared her unconventional path through recovery: discovering 12-step programs as a young waitress in 1970s New York, navigating the transition from overeating to alcohol addiction after moving to Norway, and ultimately finding freedom through sobriety 16 years ago. But what makes her story particularly compelling is how she connects physical voice work—teaching breath, movement, and the Alexander Technique—to the metaphorical voice we reclaim in recovery.As Deborah puts it, “By stopping who we think we have to be, we experience who we are.” This isn’t just a philosophical statement—it’s the hard-won wisdom of someone who has spent decades helping others release the physical tensions that mirror our emotional blocks. Her approach offers a unique lens for understanding how sobriety opens the door to authentic creative expression.Show Notes[00:03] Opening the Door: An Unconventional Entry to Recovery* Deborah discovered 12-step programs through a chance conversation while working as a waitress in her early 20s* Started with Overeaters Anonymous, attending meetings in church basements when the program was less widely known* Would sit in the back of AA meetings, absorbing the wisdom even though alcohol wasn’t her primary issue at the time* Nearly 40 years into recovery from overeating, showing that the journey often begins long before we realize[00:05] From New York to Norway: When Geography Changes Your Addiction* After moving to Norway and marrying, Deborah found herself drinking more in a culture where alcohol was deeply embedded* The phenomenon of “switching addictions”—having the “ism” already present, just waiting for a new substance* Went through five years of what she calls “the back door opening and closing”—getting sober, slipping, getting sober again* Made the conscious decision to get sober before moving to Berlin, knowing it would be her last chance[00:08] The Creative Fear: What If Sobriety Dries Up the Muse?* Deborah’s biggest fear when getting sober: “I was so scared that I would dry up and I wouldn’t write songs anymore”* The revelation that it wasn’t just about stopping drinking—it required “almost relearning myself”* Recognizing her attraction to chaos and drama as fuel for songwriting* The challenge of discovering what leads you, how the muse finds you, without substances* Key insight: Getting sober isn’t automatic perfection—it’s a learning process of discovering who you are without the chaos[00:11] The Swiss Alps Story: When Pressure Meets Addiction* Sent to a beautiful retreat in the Swiss Alps specifically to write songs with other singer-songwriters* Instead of writing, spent the entire week drinking* Couldn’t handle the pressure of “here you are, write a song”* A powerful example of how substances prevent us from meeting creative challenges head-on[00:14] The Alexander Technique: Redirecting Energy* The Alexander Technique was originally created to help actors with voice work* It’s about recognizing habitual patterns and consciously redirecting them* Breakthrough concept: “How can you meet that [craving] and guide it differently? How can we take what has been unconscious and consciously be part of the direction of it?”* Panic is not breathing—by opening the body’s lines and allowing breath to flow, we can shift from panic to presence* Training takes nearly four years, similar to osteopathy in depth[00:19] From Stage Fright to Creative Flow* Stage fright is everything closing in—no voice, no breath, no power* By moving away from that constriction, we create the potential for the opposite: movement, flow, power* Walking as a practice for shifting emotional states—the physical movement invites new mental patterns* Using Alexander thinking while walking creates a “double effect” for shifting depression or anxiety[00:22] Sixteen Years Clear: The Gift of Waking Up* No hangovers, no muddled thinking—these remain gifts Deborah consciously appreciates* Recently completed an audiobook of her novel while navigating anxiety and perfectionism* The difference sobriety makes: increased meeting attendance, sharing vulnerabilities, one-on-ones with friends* Not worrying about drinking, but about “getting too loopy or getting too anxious or getting too negative and getting in my way, sabotaging”* Morning practices: Meditation, morning writing, movement, chanting (Nam-myoho-renge-kyo) to create vibrational shifts in the body[00:29] The Life Lie: Why Authenticity Feels Like Death* Henrik Ibsen’s concept: “When a person gave up their life lie, they could give up their life”* What isn’t familiar—even if it’s good for us—will feel wrong* The hardest challenge: letting go of “who we think we have to be”* When we try to change, we feel like “broken pottery on the ground, just broken, and that they can’t be broken”* Living sober and creative means being “naked in a way”—a little more exposed, which takes getting used toKey Quotes“By stopping who we think we have to be, we experience who we are.” - Deborah Jeanne Weitzman“I was so scared that I would dry up and I wouldn’t write songs anymore. So it wasn’t like, oh, you get sober, oh, everything’s perfect. I really had to almost relearn myself.” - Deborah Jeanne Weitzman“Panic is not breathing. So if I could work on the Alexander technique—very much of opening the lines that we can, the breath can flow more.” - Deborah Jeanne Weitzman“What isn’t familiar, even if it’s good for us, will feel wrong.” - Deborah Jeanne Weitzman“Living creatively sober... naked in a way, right? A little more naked. And it takes getting used to.” - Deborah Jeanne WeitzmanResources Mentioned* Set Your Voice Free - Deborah’s Substack newsletter dedicated to overcoming perfectionism* The Sinking of the Leonardo da Vinci - Deborah’s recently published novel (audiobook available)* Alexander Technique - A method for releasing physical tension and redirecting energy* Recovery Dharma - Buddhist-inspired recovery program mentioned in the conversation* 12-Step Programs: Overeaters Anonymous (OA), Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)* Nam-myoho-renge-kyo - Buddhist chant for creating vibrational shiftsWhere to Find Deborah Jeanne Weitzman* 🌐 Website: deborahjeanne.com* 📧 Email: [email protected] offers private coaching and workshops in writing, voice, breath work, and the Alexander Technique—both live and online. She offers free introductory sessions for those interested in exploring her work.Your Next Step in Sobriety and CreativityIf Deborah’s story resonates with you—that fear of losing your creativity in sobriety, the exhaustion of performing who you think you should be, or the longing to find your authentic voice—you’re not alone.The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey designed specifically for creative professionals who are ready to remove alcohol as the barrier to their greatest work. It’s not just about stopping drinking—it’s about the complete relearning Deborah described. It’s about discovering what leads you, how your muse finds you, and who you are when you’re not running from discomfort.Through structured coaching, proven frameworks, and a community of fellow creatives, you’ll learn to:* Navigate the fear that sobriety will “dry up” your creativity* Redirect cravings and uncomfortable emotions without numbing* Build new patterns that support both clarity and creative flow* Create from a place of authentic expression rather than chaos and drama💬 Curious about your next step? If you’re sensing that something’s holding you back, but you’re not sure what—reach out. Coaching, community, or clarity—it all starts with a conversation.Thank YouA heartfelt thank you to everyone who joined us live for this conversation, and to Deborah Jeanne Weitzman for her extraordinary honesty and wisdom. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.P.S.This conversation reminds us that the journey to authenticity isn’t about perfection—it’s about peeling back the layers of who we think we have to be. Deborah spent decades learning to free her literal voice while simultaneously freeing her creative and authentic voice. That same freedom is available to you.What’s NextThe Sober Creative is more than a newsletter—it’s a movement of professionals reclaiming their creativity by choosing clarity over coping.🎯 Take the Clarity Quiz: This assessment reveals certain patterns where alcohol may be the exact thing that is quietly sabotaging your creative potential. It’s free and only takes a few minutes.✍️ Read the Essays: Stories and strategies for building a clear, creative, and intentional life.🎙️ Join Clear Conversations: Honest talks with creative professionals navigating the intersection of sobriety, self-discovery, and breakthrough work.💬 Curious about your next step? If you’re sensing that something’s holding you back, but you’re not sure what—reach out. Coaching, community, or clarity—it all starts with a conversation.✨ The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey to remove alcohol as the barrier to your greatest work.Each step forward is an act of becoming who you’re meant to be.Thanks for walking this path with me.JoshP.S. Missed previous episodes? Browse the Clear Conversations archive to explore more conversations with creative minds in sobriety. Transform your relationship with creativity and discover what becomes possible when you stop creating through a filter. Let’s explore that together. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

“I learned that creativity doesn’t come in a vial of white powder.” This wisdom from record producer Keith Olson after getting sober at Betty Ford became a touchstone for Stephanie Raffelock—a reminder that authentic creative power emerges not from substances, but from facing “the raw chaos and mud that grows the lotus within you.”At seventy-something, Stephanie embodies “Ancora imparo”—still, I am learning. Her journey from being abandoned in Los Angeles at 17, through a decade of drug abuse in the “tune in, turn on, drop out” era, to becoming an award-winning author reveals how creativity can become what she calls “a doorway to the examined life.” In our conversation, she shares how a pivotal moment in her thirties—winning first place in a writing contest with a story about a woman searching for a new way of living—changed everything. That validation, she explains, showed her that “we don’t realize sometimes what it means when somebody praises us, supports us, encourages us, how uplifting that can be to our better self.”Now the author of A Delightful Little Book on Aging and creator of the Creative Eldering Substack, Stephanie offers a counter-narrative to our youth-obsessed culture. Her message: the world doesn’t owe us anything because of our age, but we owe the world our gratitude, generosity of spirit, and goodwill. For anyone navigating sobriety at any stage of life, her wisdom about daily emotional sobriety, the discipline of showing up to the blank page, and finding beauty even in difficult times offers a roadmap for thriving—not just surviving.Show Notes[03:24] From Drug Abuse to Creative DiscoveryStephanie shares her early story of being abandoned at 17 and spending a decade in drug abuse, coming of age when “tune in, turn on, drop out” was the cultural message.* Self-disdain and addiction often mask deeper psychic pain we can’t yet articulate* The entertainment industry exposed her to writers, planting seeds for her own creative future* A pivotal question at her Unity church—”How do you know when you’re doing God’s will?”—changed everything* Key insight: Going back to school in her 30s became the greatest act of self-love, proving it’s never too late to heal old wounds[07:49] The Validation That Changes EverythingAfter earning her GED and entering community college, Stephanie entered her first short story in a seven-college contest—and won first place.* “Piano Bar Blues” was about a young woman searching for a new way of living* The college flew her to Washington State to receive the award* That moment of validation opened doors and changed her self-concept entirely* Key insight: Praise, support, and encouragement can uplift us to our better selves in ways we don’t always recognize in the moment[09:02] How Art Keeps Hope Alive in Difficult TimesStephanie tells the story of her father in post-WWII Berlin, where he collected drawings from local artists, paying with candy bars and cigarettes.* Her father kept these pastoral drawings wrapped in army blankets under his bed for decades* The art was created during horrific times—bombs dropping, danger everywhere—yet remained beautiful* “That’s hope hanging on my wall,” she says of the framed drawings in her home* Key insight: Creativity helps us thrive even in difficult times because beauty is always available to us[16:11] The Daily Practice of WritingStephanie describes her writing process as both discipline and spiritual practice.* Faces the blank page every morning, questioning if she has anything to say* Writes daily, journals by hand (uses a different part of the brain), and misses very few days* Studies story structure from teachers like Robert McKee and Larry Brooks* Key insight: The arc of story mirrors the arc of life—call to journey, resistance, conflict, and transformation[25:30] Writing as a Doorway to the Examined LifeDespite making less than $10,000 annually from writing, Stephanie continues because writing serves a deeper purpose.* Writing is her vehicle for psychological and spiritual growth* It’s not about perfection—”even Quaker quilts have deliberate imperfections”* The way we talk to ourselves is often so mean we would never speak to another person that way* Key insight: Hitting publish always requires vulnerability, but vulnerability is part of the liberation that creativity offers[31:15] Creativity Doesn’t Come in a VialStephanie recalls advice from record producer Keith Olson after he got sober at Betty Ford: “I learned that creativity doesn’t come in a vial of white powder.”* Creativity comes from the raw chaos and mud that grows the lotus within you* Sobriety requires facing the stuff you’d rather not, but that’s where authentic creativity lives* In historic times like these, we need daily emotional sobriety check-ins* Key insight: Balance is essential—turn off the TV, skip the compulsive eating, take a walk in the woods instead of numbing outKey Quotes“You know you’re doing God’s will when you’re in touch with the deepest desires of your heart and you begin to act upon those.” - Stephanie Raffelock“Writing, for me, is a doorway into the examined life. Creativity has a lot of different purposes, both personal and collective... Our creativity, our art, is really our greatest hope. It’s what helps keep humanity alive.” - Stephanie Raffelock“Creativity doesn’t come in a vial of white powder. Creativity is going to come from the raw chaos and mud that grows the lotus that’s in you, the stuff you’ve got to face but maybe would rather not.” - Stephanie Raffelock“The world doesn’t owe us anything because of our age, but we owe the world our gratitude, generosity of spirit, and goodwill.” - Stephanie Raffelock“Can you walk through these times, through this history, and stay emotionally sober?” - Stephanie RaffelockResources Mentioned* Books: Homer’s The Odyssey* Writing Teachers: Robert McKee, Larry Brooks, Sean Coyne* Journaling Experts: Christina Baldwin, Natalie Goldberg* Stephanie’s Books: A Delightful Little Book on Aging, Creatrix Rising* Concept: Ancora imparo (”Still, I am learning”) - attributed to 86-year-old Michelangelo* Treatment Center: Betty FordWhere to Find Stephanie* Books: Available on Amazon and Bookshop.org* Website: https://www.byline-stephanie.com* Contact: Message her directly on Substack—she’s happy to chatYour Creative Work AwaitsStephanie’s story demonstrates something powerful: creativity isn’t reserved for the young or the unburdened. It’s available to anyone willing to sit with the blank page, face their inner chaos, and commit to the examined life.If you’re reading this and sensing that alcohol has become the barrier between you and your greatest creative work, you’re not alone. The artists, writers, and creatives I work with discover that sobriety doesn’t diminish their art—it deepens it. Without the haze, your authentic voice emerges. Without the numbing, you access the raw material that transforms into meaningful work.The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey designed specifically for creative professionals ready to remove alcohol as the obstacle to their breakthrough work. Through coaching, community, and proven frameworks, you’ll discover what Stephanie learned decades ago: your creativity doesn’t come from a substance. It comes from you.Curious about your next step? Reach out. Coaching, community, or clarity—it all starts with a conversation.Thank YouA heartfelt thank you to Dr. Susan R Meyer, Margo Pfleger, Eric J Cunningham, and many others who joined us live for this conversation, and to Stephanie Raffelock for her extraordinary wisdom and generosity of spirit. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.What’s NextThe Sober Creative is more than a newsletter—it’s a movement of professionals reclaiming their creativity by choosing clarity over coping.🎯 Take the Clarity Quiz: This assessment reveals certain patterns where alcohol may be the exact thing that is quietly sabotaging your creative potential. It’s free and only takes a few minutes.✍️ Read the Essays: Stories and strategies for building a clear, creative, and intentional life.🎙️ Join Clear Conversations: Honest talks with creative professionals navigating the intersection of sobriety, self-discovery, and breakthrough work.💬 Curious about your next step? If you’re sensing that something’s holding you back, but you’re not sure what—reach out. Coaching, community, or clarity—it all starts with a conversation.✨ The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey to remove alcohol as the barrier to your greatest work.Each step forward is an act of becoming who you’re meant to be.Thanks for walking this path with me.JoshP.S. Missed previous episodes? Browse the Clear Conversations archive to explore more conversations with creative minds in sobriety. Transform your relationship with creativity and discover what becomes possible when you stop creating through a filter. Let’s explore that together. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

What happens when you stop waiting for permission to become who you already are? David Speed’s conversation reveals a truth that challenges everything we’ve been told about creative breakthroughs: sometimes the most profound transformations happen not through dramatic moments, but through quiet, intentional choices that align your daily actions with your deepest values.David’s story dismantles the myth that you need to hit rock bottom to make meaningful changes. His approach to sobriety—gradual, measured, driven by self-awareness rather than crisis—mirrors how he approached his art career. No dramatic revelation, just the steady recognition that certain things weren’t serving his creative mission, and the courage to eliminate them.The conversation explores how mental clarity creates space for creative authenticity. David’s journey from commercial artist painting what clients demanded to fine artist creating work that speaks to his soul demonstrates what becomes possible when you stop accommodating others and start honoring your own creative vision. His story offers a roadmap for anyone ready to move from creative compromise to creative courage.Show Notes[2:50] - The Unconventional Sobriety StoryDavid challenges the typical addiction narrative by sharing his measured approach to sobriety—no rock bottom, no dramatic moment, just the gradual realization that alcohol wasn’t serving his goals.* Quit drinking 8-9 years ago through gradual reduction, not crisis intervention* Eliminated all beverages except water to optimize physical and mental performance* Recognized that early morning street painting required complete clarity and focus* Key insight: Sometimes the most powerful changes happen through quiet self-awareness, not dramatic revelations[8:04] - Discovering Art at 18: Breaking the “Natural Talent” MythDavid dismantles one of creativity’s most damaging beliefs—that artistic ability is an inborn gift rather than a developed skill.* Started painting at 18, initially for the thrill of exploring abandoned spaces with friends* Realized after years that consistent practice had dramatically improved his work* Wishes someone had told him earlier: “If you like something and you do it a bunch, eventually you will get good at it”* Key insight: Talent is developed through curiosity and persistence, not bestowed at birth[10:27] - The 25-Year Journey from Doubt to Artistic IdentityDavid’s path reveals the difference between doing art professionally and claiming your identity as an artist.* Age 27: Started commercial art work, painting what clients requested* Age 37: Finally had courage to call himself an artist and create on his own terms* Turned down lucrative Apple/Beats by Dre campaign because it required changing his signature pink color* Key insight: True artistic success comes from authenticity, not accommodation[12:31] - The Pandemic Pivot That Changed EverythingThe forced pause of COVID-19 became the catalyst for David’s breakthrough into fine art.* All commercial billboard work disappeared when people stopped leaving their homes* Started creating personal work out of restlessness, not business strategy* Initially had zero expectations for his pink neon paintings due to color stigma* Key insight: Sometimes constraints force us into the creativity we’ve been avoiding[16:03] - The Science and Accident of Neon PinkDavid explains how his signature style emerged from technical experimentation rather than artistic theory.* Discovered that neon pink behaves differently over light vs. dark underpainting* Can create tonal variation using single neon color through strategic layering* Learned that viewing bright colors releases dopamine in the brain* Phone screens can’t properly display neon colors—90% of buyers see work in person first* Key insight: Follow your curiosity about materials and techniques, not just concepts[20:27] - Creativity as Professional Problem-SolvingDavid reframes creativity from romantic inspiration to practical discipline.* Views creativity as daily problem-solving rather than waiting for inspiration* Maintains studio practice regardless of motivation level* Embraces “mistakes” as sources of breakthrough discoveries* Key insight: Professional creativity requires showing up consistently, especially when you don’t feel like it[26:16] - The 5 AM Discipline SystemDavid shares his practical approach to overcoming resistance and maintaining momentum.* Wakes at 5 AM for street painting to avoid attention and legal issues* Keeps pep talk notes on his phone to counter morning laziness* Uses future self to motivate present self: “Everything you want is on the other side of this”* Key insight: Discipline systems work better than willpower for sustained creative output[33:05] - Art as Social Change Through Color and ConnectionDavid articulates his mission to counter cultural trends toward visual conformity.* 63% of new cars are black, white, or gray; most popular paint and carpet colors are also gray* Focuses on painting strangers rather than celebrities to celebrate “real people”* Uses unauthorized street art as rebellion against colorless cities* Key insight: Individual creative choices can be acts of cultural resistanceKey Quotes“I just realized that [alcohol] wasn’t serving me... I like, I don’t have, I didn’t mark down the date. It was just, for a couple of years, I’d been cutting down alcohol consumption.” - David Speed“I just wish someone had told me when I was seven that if you like something and you do it a bunch, eventually you will get good at it. And I discovered that completely by accident.” - David Speed“I find what I do really difficult. And I find creating hard and challenging... what has changed and evolved is my attitude to creating like a professional and not waiting for the muse or luck to hit me.” - David Speed“So often we don’t allow ourselves the time to make the work that might not necessarily sell... if you start making the things that are just for yourself and put them out into the world it is uncanny how well those things can do.” - David Speed“I think my default setting is lazy... I realized that I needed to talk to, I needed future me to send a message to past me.” - David SpeedResources Mentioned• Creative Rebels Podcast - David’s show about making art professionally • Brandon Novak - Author mentioned who wrote books about recovery from heroin addiction • Be NEON - Be Part Of The Art - Form on his website for painting submissionsWhere to Find David Speed• Podcast: Creative Rebels (Substack, Apple Podcasts, iTunes) • Social Media: @davidspeeduk (TikTok, Instagram) • Substack: David Speed UK • Website: Features stranger portrait submission formConnect Your Clear Mind to Your Greatest WorkDavid’s story demonstrates a powerful truth: the clarity that comes from removing what doesn’t serve you—whether that’s alcohol, limiting beliefs, or other people’s expectations—creates space for your most authentic creative expression to emerge.If you’re ready to explore how clear-minded living might unlock your own creative potential, I invite you to consider The Sober Creative Method™—a 90-day journey designed specifically for creative professionals who want to remove alcohol as a barrier to their greatest work.This isn’t about hitting rock bottom or dramatic life changes. Like David’s approach, it’s about recognizing what serves your creative goals and what doesn’t, then making intentional choices that align with your artistic vision.Curious about your next step? If you’re sensing that something’s holding you back but you’re not sure what—reach out. Whether it’s coaching, community, or simply clarity you’re seeking, it all starts with a conversation.Thank YouA heartfelt thank you to Allison Taylor Conway, Jen Brier, Noelle Richards, and everyone who joined us live for this conversation, and to David Speed for his extraordinary generosity in sharing his journey. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.What’s NextThe Sober Creative is more than a newsletter—it’s a movement of professionals reclaiming their creativity by choosing clarity over coping.🎯 Take the Clarity Quiz: This assessment reveals certain patterns where alcohol may be the exact thing that is quietly sabotaging your creative potential. It’s free and only takes a few minutes.✍️ Read the Essays: Stories and strategies for building a clear, creative, and intentional life.🎙️ Join Clear Conversations: Honest talks with creative professionals navigating the intersection of sobriety, self-discovery, and breakthrough work.💬 Curious about your next step? If you’re sensing that something’s holding you back, but you’re not sure what—reach out. Coaching, community, or clarity—it all starts with a conversation.✨ The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey to remove alcohol as the barrier to your greatest work.Each step forward is an act of becoming who you’re meant to be.Thanks for walking this path with me.JoshTransform your relationship with creativity and discover what becomes possible when you stop creating through a filter. Let’s explore that together. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

The fear haunts many creative professionals: What if sobriety kills my creative edge? Kate Baily’s story demolishes this myth completely. Nine years sober, she's transformed from someone using alcohol to manage overwhelming sensitivity into a published author of two books, community builder, and creative force who describes her post-alcohol creativity as being "on steroids."Kate's journey reveals something profound about the relationship between clarity and creative expression. Rather than losing her artistic voice in sobriety, she discovered it was there all along—just waiting for the noise to quiet down. Her path from numbing overwhelm to embracing what she calls "midlife alchemy" offers a roadmap for anyone wondering if they can create meaningful work without substances.Show Notes[02:00] Finding Recovery Through Creative Expression* Writing became Kate's first recovery tool—a safe space to process and connect* She wrote "aspirational" posts, creating something to live into rather than just documenting struggles* Key insight: Creative expression can serve as both healing practice and recovery foundation[06:44] Creativity "On Steroids" in Sobriety* Kate describes her post-alcohol creativity as exponentially more powerful* Sobriety provided bandwidth to metabolize feelings through creative practice* She told her creative son: "You must make time to create—it helps you understand and process your feelings"* Key insight: Creativity isn't just self-expression; it's emotional processing and self-care[11:13] Permission to Play and Push Boundaries* Kate joined musical theater, getting cast in "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert"* She wouldn't have had energy for auditions while drinking—would have had good intentions but gotten drunk and missed opportunities* Sobriety gave her genuine bravery rather than alcohol-fueled false confidence* Key insight: Sober courage feels different—it's sustainable and genuine[16:00] Midlife Creative Renaissance Through Scrapbooking and Nature Art* Kate discovered scrapbooking to keep creativity separate from "work"* She learned Renaissance painting techniques, making paint from local chalk* Daily dog walks became creative meditation and idea generation time* Key insight: Protect spaces for pure play that don't become monetized[18:00] ADHD, Creativity, and Alcohol's Devastating Impact* Kate realized alcohol was "a disaster" for ADHD brains—removing inhibition from already impulsive minds* Understanding neurodivergence brought self-compassion, not excuses* ADHD superpowers include hyperfocus and pattern-making abilities* Key insight: Supporting ADHD challenges allows you to harness neurodivergent creative superpowers[30:21] Sustainable Creative Practices for Neurodivergent Minds* Daily yoga practice for nervous system regulation* Voice-noting ideas during nature walks, then transcribing for later use* Co-creating with technology (Canva, AI tools) removes pressure and expectations* Key insight: Find tools that work with your brain, not against it[36:23] Midlife Alchemy: Redefining Creative Aging* Kate is developing a "Midlife Alchemy" program using rite-of-passage frameworks* Moving beyond maiden-mother-crone archetypes to embrace the "queen" phase* Focus on rest, regulate, release, root, ritual, and rise* Key insight: Midlife can be the most creatively fertile period when approached intentionallyKey Quotes"Sobriety is the fundamental act of self-care and self-love that allows all others, including creativity." - Kate Baily"You don't have to have it figured out right now—you have time and you must do the things in your life that help you metabolize your feelings." - Kate Baily"The only place my energy makes sense is on stage. I'm just too intense for normal conversations... let's go deep or let's go home." - Kate Baily"I feel like when it's not about perfection, it's about authentic expression and wandering off the path when inspiration calls." - Kate Baily"We get to be very intimate with ourselves in a way that I was just hiding, hiding, hiding with alcohol." - Kate BailyResources MentionedBooks by Kate Baily:* "Love Yourself Sober" (2020) - Coaching tools and challenging normative drinking culture* "Love Your Sober Year" (2022) - Seasonal prompts and holistic sober livingCreative Communities:* Ray of Light artist group by Tammy Salas (Gold Star Diaries on Substack)* Soberistas online communityTools and Platforms:* Canva for multimedia creativity* Voice notes for capturing ideas during walks* ChatGPT for organizing thoughts and transcriptionWhere to Find KateWebsite: lovesober.comBooks: Available at major retailers including Barnes & NobleSubstack: Love Sober newsletter with essays, podcast episodes, and community insightsPrograms: Individual coaching, group programs, and the upcoming "Midlife Alchemy" 12-week experienceReady to Discover Your Creative Potential?Kate's story illustrates a powerful truth: sobriety doesn't diminish creativity—it amplifies it. When we stop numbing our sensitivity and overwhelm, we discover that these very qualities are our creative superpowers.If you're wondering whether you can create meaningful work without alcohol, or if you're ready to explore what becomes possible when you approach creativity from presence rather than escape, The Sober Creative Method™ is designed for professionals like you.This 90-day journey helps you remove alcohol as the barrier to your greatest work, providing the tools, community, and clarity you need to thrive creatively in sobriety.Curious about your next step? If you're sensing that something's holding you back but you're not sure what—reach out. Whether it's coaching, community, or simply clarity you're seeking, it all starts with a conversation.Thank YouA heartfelt thank you to Jud Heugel MD, Karen K, Noelle Richards and everyone who joined us live for this inspiring conversation, and to Kate Baily for her extraordinary wisdom and passion. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.What's NextThe Sober Creative is more than a newsletter—it's a movement of professionals reclaiming their creativity by choosing clarity over coping.✍️ Read the Essays: Stories and strategies for building a clear, creative, and intentional life.🎙️ Join Clear Conversations: Honest talks with creative professionals navigating the intersection of sobriety, self-discovery, and breakthrough work.🎯 Discover If You Are Operating Below Your Creative Potential: This clarity quiz reveals certain patterns where alcohol may be the exact thing that is quietly sabotaging your creative potential. It’s free and only takes a few minutes.💬 Curious about your next step? If you're sensing that something's holding you back, but you're not sure what—reach out. Coaching, community, or clarity—it all starts with a conversation.✨ The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey to remove alcohol as the barrier to your greatest work.Each step forward is an act of becoming who you're meant to be.Thanks for walking this path with me.Josh This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

When Eric J Cunningham found himself hanging off his apartment lanai at the end of his rope—successful on paper but spiritually bankrupt—he couldn't have imagined that a windblown motorcycle tarp would become his gateway to divine presence.Eric, an ecological anthropologist turned UX researcher, discovered that his high-functioning alcoholism wasn't just numbing pain—it was severing his connection to what he calls "sacred systems thinking." Through three and a half years of sobriety, he's learned to bridge complex systems theory with spiritual ecology, finding profound wisdom in the intersection of 12-step recovery, animist mindfulness, and the daily work of inner return. His story reveals how removing alcohol doesn't just clear the mind—it opens doorways to experiencing the unchanging presence beneath life's chaos.Show Notes[00:00] The Academic's Descent: High-Functioning Alcoholism in the Ivory Tower* Eric maintained two homes, a marriage, and academic career while drinking from morning to night* The warning sign: Waking up needing alcohol "to check in and see where I'm at"* Despite external success, he felt like he was "trying to squeeze my entire life into a bottle"* His moment of surrender came when he found himself "hanging off my lanai...didn't want to die, but didn't know how to live"[03:27] The Motorcycle Revelation: Divine Presence in Parking Garages* During early sobriety turbulence, Eric stopped in a parking garage and prayed: "I don't know how to do this"* Witnessed a motorcycle covered by a violently whipping tarp in strong wind* The insight: The motorcycle remained completely unaffected by the chaos around it* This became his metaphor for the "unchanging presence" available even during emotional storms[06:14] Discovering the Observer Mind: Beyond the Mental Noise* Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now" revealed that his thoughts weren't the entirety of his being* Learned to recognize the "different qualities of mind" and step back from mental chatter* Through 12-step inventories, identified that fear drove most of his mental patterns: self-esteem, financial security, belonging[18:13] Creativity Transformed: From Academic Pressure to Authentic Expression* Pre-sobriety writing was driven by "publish or perish" academic pressure* Alcohol enabled functioning while suppressing his authentic creative voice* Sobriety revelation: "I was not in my heart at all...it was just this uncomfortable way of moving through the world"* Now mines old blog posts from Japan, recognizing where he was most aligned[24:32] Family Reconnection: Meditation as Sacred Practice* Started a 30-day meditation challenge with parents and sister during recovery* Ongoing practice: Weekly Friday FaceTime meditation sessions with family* Parents in their 80s now share vulnerabilities he never would have witnessed before* Learning to be present for his aging dog's accidents and eventual death[28:03] Leadership Through Vulnerability: The Power of Honest Bewilderment* Leadership means being "honest about the frailty of my own humanness"* Shares experiences "from my heart as much as possible" without pretension* Core belief: When we give each other permission to be human, we access courage, creativity, and beauty[30:44] Sacred Resistance to Capitalism: Inner Work as Social Change* Views capitalism's harm through the lens of "spiritual sickness"* Solution isn't political: "As we do inner work, as we change, the world around us changes"* Focuses on mindful consumption versus "trying to soothe ourselves" through unconscious patternsKey Quotes"I found myself like hanging off my lanai in my apartment sort of at the end of my rope. I didn't want to die, but I didn't know how to live. Like it just was collapsing in. Like it felt like my whole being was collapsing in on itself." - Eric Cunningham"The motorcycle didn't need to calm the wind to maintain its integrity. It didn't need the cover to stop moving to remain what it was. And I didn't need my emotions to settle, my marriage to stabilize, or my life to make perfect sense in order to access the divine constancy that was always there." - Eric Cunningham"I was not in my heart at all. And so it was just this uncomfortable way of moving to the world. And it required me being separated from alcohol to be able to get any read on any of that." - Eric Cunningham"If I can be honest about sort of the frailty of my own humanness and how I have come to find some power amidst that frailty...my hope is that others can take that journey as well." - Eric CunninghamResources Mentioned* Eckhart Tolle - "The Power of Now"* Michael Singer - "The Untethered Soul" and podcast* Thich Nhat Hanh - "The Art of Power"* 12-Step Recovery Programs* Spirit/Matter Substack - Eric's writing on sacred systems thinkingWhere to Find Eric* Substack: Spirit/Matter (CunninghamEJ)* Instagram: @spirit2matter* LinkedIn: CunninghamEJEric is particularly interested in connecting with academics considering career transitions and anyone exploring the intersection of systems thinking and spiritual practice.Your Creative Breakthrough is WaitingEric's journey from academic pressure to authentic expression mirrors what happens when we remove alcohol as the barrier to our greatest work. His discovery that sobriety opened doorways to deeper creativity, genuine family connection, and spiritual practice isn't unique—it's the natural result of choosing clarity over coping.The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey designed for professionals ready to unlock their creative potential by removing alcohol from the equation. Through personalized coaching, evidence-based strategies, and a supportive community, you'll discover what becomes possible when you're fully present for your own creative process.If Eric's story resonates—if you're sensing that something's holding you back from your most authentic work—let's explore what's possible. Your breakthrough might be one conversation away.Thank YouA heartfelt thank you to Noelle Richards, Bob Lewis and everyone who joined us live for this conversation with Eric J Cunningham, and to his sister Kari who was meditating with us in spirit. Your presence and engagement—along with Pua the corgi's scene-stealing appearance—make these conversations possible.What's NextThe Sober Creative is more than a newsletter—it's a movement of professionals reclaiming their creativity by choosing clarity over coping.✍️ Read the Essays: Stories and strategies for building a clear, creative, and intentional life🎙️ Join Clear Conversations: Honest talks with creative professionals navigating the intersection of sobriety, self-discovery, and breakthrough work💬 Curious about your next step? If you're sensing that something's holding you back, but you're not sure what—reach out. Coaching, community, or clarity—it all starts with a conversation.✨ The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey to remove alcohol as the barrier to your greatest work.Each step forward is an act of becoming who you're meant to be.Thanks for walking this path with me.Josh This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

What happens when your vision for better social spaces becomes the catalyst for your own transformation? That's exactly what happened to Sam at Third Place Bar—a groundbreaking series of alcohol-free pop-up events that have been redefining connection in NYC since 2022.Sam's story flips the traditional sobriety narrative. Instead of hitting rock bottom and then building back up, she simply asked herself a question that would change everything: "Why is there nowhere I can go at 8 or 9 o'clock at night that doesn't make me feel like I should be drinking?" This curiosity about creating better third spaces—those vital social environments between home and work—ultimately prompted her own exploration of lifestyle sobriety and sparked a movement that's proving some of our best social experiences emerge from authentic, unfiltered connection.From packed dance floors to sold-out singles mixers, Sam is demonstrating that removing alcohol doesn't shrink your social life—it expands it in ways you never imagined. Her work represents something powerful: how a personal lifestyle change can become transformative public service, creating spaces where clarity generates community instead of liquid courage.Show Notes[03:00] The Mental Health CatalystFrom Enthusiastic Drinking to Mindful Living* Sam's 30-year journey with mental health challenges (ADHD, clinical depression)* Growing up in Germany's drinking culture—legally drinking at 16* The exhaustion of "enthusiastic drinking" in NYC's social scene* Key insight: Sometimes the problem isn't addiction—it's the autopilot nature of social drinking[07:00] The Third Space ProblemWhen Every Social Option Revolves Around Alcohol* The post-COVID reality: limited late-night options beyond bars* Feeling trapped between drinking or social isolation* The pivotal question: "Why is there nothing that feels like a bar but doesn't make me feel like I should be drinking?"* How necessity became the mother of invention[12:00] Creating Connection Without Liquid CourageThe Art of Sober Social Design* Third Place Bar's evolution from simple bar nights to curated experiences* The bedazzle station philosophy: Giving people something to do when they're nervous* Observing the 30-minute transformation from awkward to authentic* Why people realize "Wait, I'm doing this sober—and I'm good at this!"[17:00] Micro-Experiences and Thoughtful CurationThe Science of Comfort in Sober Spaces* Creating options for overstimulation (seating outside, quiet activities)* Understanding that 20-30 minutes of authentic connection can be enough* Design principle: Making it okay to leave early while still having a positive experience* Learning through 60-80 events of iteration and feedback[20:00] Community as Creative ExpressionRedefining What It Means to Be Creative* Sam's realization: "You create community"—creativity beyond traditional arts* The artistry in experience design and atmosphere creation* Creative outlets: Event programming, content creation, social media storytelling* Finding purpose in making others feel welcome and connected[23:00] The Rising Tide PhilosophyBuilding Movement, Not Competition* Inspiring others to create better alcohol-free events* "There's 8 million people here. The more, the better."* Vision shift: From personal solution to societal change* Making sobriety the default and alcohol the "nice to have"[25:00] Music, Nightlife, and the FutureReclaiming Friday and Saturday Nights* The intersection of music industry and liquor brand sponsorship* Creating sober nightlife alternatives beyond morning wellness events* Upcoming milestone: 300-person alcohol-free dance party becoming second most popular event on Resident Advisor* Why sober people deserve Friday and Saturday night options too[32:00] The Economics of SobrietyChallenging the Business Model of Social Spaces* How alcohol markups (1000%+) subsidize venue operations* The financial challenges of creating alcohol-free spaces in expensive cities* Coffee shops getting beer licenses just to pay rent* Reality check: Even alcohol-free venues are pressured to add alcohol for survivalKey Quotes"I think the other thing that happens is also that they realize somewhere in the back of their mind, wait, I'm doing this sober. Whoa, I'm so cool like this is cool." - Sam Bail"The default should be sobriety and alcohol should be sort of like a nice to have and not the other way around where every single thing you do when you socialize revolves around drinking." - Sam Bail"You create community... coming up with ideas for events, for people to socialize, to have a good experience. Even just things like decoration. Even just coming up with a bedazzle station." - Sam Bail"The rising tide lifts all ships. The more we talk about alcohol-free events, the more everyone will benefit from that." - Sam Bail"People who are sober should be able to go out there. They have the right to go out on a Friday night or a Saturday night too and be in an environment that is welcoming to them." - Sam BailResources Mentioned* Third Place Bar NYC - Sam's alcohol-free pop-up events* Anti-Hangover Drinking Club - Sam's Substack newsletter* Daybreaker - Morning dance parties (7 AM start times)* Resident Advisor - App for clubbing and event discovery* Knockdown Center - Major NYC venue (2000 capacity)* Crossroads Cafe - Bushwick venue for upcoming dance partyWhere to Find Sam* Instagram & TikTok: @thirdplacebarnyc* Substack: Anti-Hangover Drinking Club* DM Sam on Instagram for event updates and mailing listYour Creative Breakthrough is WaitingSam's story reveals something profound: when we remove what we may think we need to be creative or social, we often discover capabilities we never knew we had. Her journey from "enthusiastic drinker" to community creator shows how sobriety doesn't limit our social creativity—it unleashes it.The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey designed specifically for creative professionals ready to unlock their full potential. Through this program, you'll discover what Sam found: that sobriety isn't limitation—it's the key to creating your most authentic, powerful work.Ready to explore what's possible when you create from complete clarity?Thank YouA heartfelt thank you to Bob Lewis, Noelle Richards and everyone who joined us live for this conversation, and to Sam at Third Place Bar for her extraordinary vision and vulnerability. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.What's NextThe Sober Creative is more than a newsletter—it's a movement of professionals reclaiming their creativity by choosing clarity over coping.✍️ Read the Essays: Stories and strategies for building a clear, creative, and intentional life🎙️ Join Clear Conversations: Honest talks with creative professionals navigating the intersection of sobriety, self-discovery, and breakthrough work💬 Curious about your next step? If you're sensing that something's holding you back, but you're not sure what—reach out. Coaching, community, or clarity—it all starts with a conversation.✨ The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey to remove alcohol as the barrier to your greatest work.Each step forward is an act of becoming who you're meant to be.Thanks for walking this path with me.Josh This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

Sometimes the most profound creative breakthroughs come not from what we add to our lives, but from what we courageously remove. Jules Cazedessus, author of "Sing the Body Politic," discovered this truth in her recent journey into sobriety—and the results speak for themselves.In this latest Clear Conversations episode, Jules shared how stepping away from alcohol didn't diminish her creative voice—it amplified it. Within her first week of sobriety, she received a crystal-clear download for what would become one of her most powerful essays: "Hey America, You're in an Abusive Relationship." The piece flowed out of her with an ease she attributes directly to her clear mind. As she puts it, "Had I not been sober, I may not have gotten the message. I may not have heard that title."Jules brings a unique perspective to sobriety conversations—one that bridges the deeply personal with the urgently political. Her work demonstrates how individual healing and collective transformation are inseparable, and how creativity becomes both refuge and resistance in uncertain times.Show Notes[04:05] The Sign from the UniverseJules shares her path into sobriety and early creative breakthroughs* Decided to explore sobriety approaching her 60th birthday* Connected the timing of Josh subscribing to her newsletter as a universal sign* Experienced immediate creative downloads, including her viral essay title* Recognized enhanced ability to "flow" creatively without substances[06:22] The Spectrum of Sober LivingExploring different approaches to sobriety and substance use* Discusses "Boulder Sober" culture (no alcohol, but other substances allowed)* Shares nuanced view on ceremonial marijuana use vs. dependency* Emphasizes sovereignty in choosing what serves your highest good* Highlights awareness of social media as potential addiction replacement[10:49] The Spaciousness of SobrietyHow clarity creates room for deeper listening and authentic expression* Sobriety provides space to listen to subtle inner voices* Allows for genuine intimacy vs. "faux intimacy" of drinking culture* Creates capacity for deeper attunement to self and others* Opens possibilities for authentic self-expression without substances[22:06] Discipline as Self-Love, Not Self-PunishmentReframing healthy habits as acts of care rather than obligation* Discipline becomes expansive rather than restrictive* Fear transforms from something to escape into something to explore with curiosity* Physical practices (meditation, exercise, sleep) support creative flow* Each choice reinforces belief in your own capacity[24:51] Courage in ConversationUsing vulnerability as a bridge to deeper connection* Practicing curiosity about uncomfortable emotions in real-time* Sharing internal experiences openly to create intimacy* Learning to stay present with difficult feelings rather than fleeing* Building capacity for harder conversations through self-awareness[27:11] Politics Through the HeartTransforming political discourse through values-based conversation* Moving away from fact-based arguments toward values-based discussions* Creating connection across political divides through personal experience sharing* Using sobriety skills to navigate polarized conversations* Refusing "preemptive autocratic obedience" by speaking truth[32:00] Creative Outlets and ServiceJules' multifaceted approach to creative expression and impact* Instagram platform "The Heart of Relationship" for relationship coaching* Substack for political writing and truth-telling* Venus Matters business supporting women's intimate needs* Mentoring young girls through Girls Write Now programKey Quotes"Had I not been sober, I may not have gotten the message. I may not have heard that title. And I certainly would have had a much harder go of just getting in front of the computer and letting it flow." - Jules Cazedessus"We are sovereign beings. We can actually center and give ourselves what the substance is providing the shortcut for." - Jules Cazedessus"For me, every feeling is a messenger from God, really... There's this one little truth that once the emotion's been metabolized to some extent, and I've met it, then I get the message of it." - Jules Cazedessus"To set a goal to not drink and then to be able to do it adds to that belief in yourself." - Jules CazedessusResources Mentioned* Five Rhythms Dance (5rhythms.org) - Global movement healing practice* "Super Communicators" - Book on values-based conversation (interview available with Mel Robbins)* Girls Write Now - Mentorship organization for young female writers* Recovery practices: Morning altar/prayer practice, ecstatic dance, meditationWhere to Find Jules* Substack: Sing the Body Politic* Instagram: @theheartofrelationship* Business: Venus MattersWant More Clarity?Jules' journey beautifully illustrates what happens when we remove the barriers between ourselves and our deepest creative truth. If you're sensing that something might be holding back your greatest work—whether it's alcohol, other substances, or simply old patterns that no longer serve—you don't have to figure it out alone.The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey designed specifically for creative professionals ready to unlock their full potential. Through this program, you'll discover what Jules found: that sobriety isn't limitation—it's the key to creating your most authentic, powerful work.Ready to explore what's possible when you create from complete clarity?Thank YouA heartfelt thank you Claire Pearson, Allison Taylor Conway, Noelle Richards and to everyone who joined us live for this conversation. I’m very grateful for Jules Cazedessus and her extraordinary wisdom and vulnerability. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.What's NextThe Sober Creative is more than a newsletter—it's a movement of professionals reclaiming their creativity by choosing clarity over coping.✍️ Read the Essays: Stories and strategies for building a clear, creative, and intentional life🎙️ Join Clear Conversations: Honest talks with creative professionals navigating the intersection of sobriety, self-discovery, and breakthrough work💬 Curious about your next step? If you're sensing that something's holding you back, but you're not sure what—reach out. Coaching, community, or clarity—it all starts with a conversation.✨ The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey to remove alcohol as the barrier to your greatest work.Each step forward is an act of becoming who you're meant to be.Thanks for walking this path with me.Josh This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

The most powerful creative transformations often begin in the darkest moments. For composer and arranger Matthew Goinz, that moment came staring at an empty whiskey glass in a bar, realizing his drinking had silenced the very voice that defined his identity—his ability to sing.What followed wasn't just recovery; it was a complete artistic rebirth. From failing out of college twice to performing at Carnegie Hall and Lincoln Center, Matthew's 17-year sobriety journey reveals how clearing the mind doesn't diminish creativity—it unleashes it. His story demonstrates that the clarity we seek through substances already exists within us, waiting to be discovered through presence, not escape.Show Notes[00:00] - Breaking the Creative Culture Norm* Discussion of how sobriety breaks the ingrained cycle of celebration and commiseration through alcohol in creative industries* The unexpected connections that form when sober creatives find each other* Challenge of navigating performance culture and nightlife without substances[05:00] - The Downward Spiral Years* Started drinking in college despite being "well-behaved" in high school* Failed out of Concordia College twice due to alcohol-fueled poor decisions* Restaurant industry amplified drinking problem exponentially* Multiple dangerous driving incidents, including wrong-way driving on divided highway[13:00] - The Epiphany That Almost Wasn't* Moment of clarity staring at empty whiskey glass: "Something's got to change"* First attempt at sobriety lasted 8 months until choir trip to UK* Key insight: "Just quit. Don't say you're going to do this one more time and then quit. Just quit."[16:00] - The Final Wake-Up Call* August 7th, 2008: Couldn't sing during Music Man rehearsal after drinking until 4 AM* Career vs. alcohol moment: "If I want a career, I can't do this anymore"* Blew 0.21 BAC (nearly three times legal limit) but "didn't feel that drunk"—revealing extent of tolerance[21:00] - The Academic Transformation* Immediate grade improvement from 1.0 GPA to President's List after quitting drinking* Lost 25 pounds in first month of sobriety[26:00] - Uncovering the Root Causes* Recent therapy work revealed drinking was masking anxiety, depression, and need for validation* Childhood divorce created pattern of seeking father's approval* Replaced alcohol with emotional walls until marriage crisis forced deeper healing[31:00] - Creative Renaissance Through Sobriety* Shift from purely performative work to original arranging and orchestration* Recent success with first major orchestration project receiving professional validation[34:00] - Overcoming Creative Perfectionism* Working through fear of releasing original compositions* Learning that not pleasing everyone is actually freedomKey Quotes"If I want a career, I can't do this anymore." - Matthew Goinz"I went to class and I did the work...literally just because I showed up. We're not talking Yale or Princeton—just because I quit drinking." - Matthew Goinz"I did what I would want to hear. I didn't do what I thought she wanted...I did what I would want to hear in this specific song." - Matthew Goinz"People latch on to that if it comes from your brain and your heart and you're not trying to be someone else, musically, artistically." - Matthew GoinzResources Mentioned* Concordia College (Moorhead, Minnesota) - Where Matthew studied with renowned choral composer René Clausen* Mad Gallica - Rock artist Matthew collaborates with as music director and arranger* "Enter the Vortex" - Mad Gallica's debut EP featuring Matthew's arrangements* Therapy - Matthew emphasizes therapy as an essential tool for processing underlying issues that led to drinkingWhere to Find Matthew* Instagram: @matthew.goins* Websites: matthewgoinz.com • mt-tracks.com* Current Work: Music Director/Arranger for Mad Gallica* Upcoming: Fall tour with Mad Gallica (dates TBA)Your Next Step Into ClarityMatthew’s story reveals a profound truth: our creative gifts don’t vanish when we get sober—they finally have the space to expand.If you’re a creative professional sensing that alcohol might be limiting your potential—even just a little—you’re not alone. That quiet question you’ve been carrying? It’s often the beginning of your greatest work.The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day 1:1 journey designed for professionals ready to remove alcohol as the barrier to their full creative capacity. Together, we’ll navigate the practical tools and emotional landscape of creating from a place of clarity, just like Matthew did.🔍 Curious if this path is right for you?Because the work you’re meant to create is on the other side of clear.Thank YouA heartfelt thank you to Matthew Goinz for his extraordinary vulnerability and wisdom in sharing his journey. And to everyone who joined us live—your presence makes these conversations possible and creates the community that supports transformation.What’s NextThe Sober Creative is more than a newsletter—it’s a movement of professionals reclaiming their creativity by choosing clarity over coping.✍️ Read the Essays: Stories and strategies for building a clear, creative, and intentional life🎙️ Join Clear Conversations: Honest talks with creative professionals navigating the intersection of sobriety, self-discovery, and breakthrough work.💬 Curious about your next step? If you’re sensing that something’s holding you back, but you’re not sure what—reach out. Coaching, community, or clarity—it all starts with a conversation.✨ The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey to remove alcohol as the barrier to your greatest work.Each step forward is an act of becoming who you’re meant to be.Thanks for walking this path with me.Josh This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

When Kimberly Kearns woke up that November morning in 2020, hungover and filled with self-loathing after another night she couldn't fully remember, she made a decision that would change everything. After 20 years of drinking, countless attempts at moderation, and years of her husband asking her to slow down, she finally said the words out loud: "I need your help. I cannot do this anymore."What followed wasn't just sobriety—it was a creative awakening that transformed a woman who "didn't think she was good enough" to write into an author whose memoir now reaches people still suffering in silence. Kim's journey from sneaking morning vodka to writing her truth reveals something profound about the relationship between recovery and creativity: sometimes we have to lose everything we thought we needed to discover what we're truly capable of creating.The Sober Creative is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Show Notes[00:00] The Perfect Family Facade* Started drinking at 14 to cope with family pain hidden behind a "perfect" exterior* Used alcohol as social lubricant through teenage years and college* Met husband at 18, married at 25, had three children under age 4* Weekend binge drinking pattern while working as teacher[07:00] The Mommy Wine Culture Trap* Transitioned to daily drinking after becoming stay-at-home mom* Found community with other moms who drank during playdates* Avoided friendships with non-drinking mothers* Pandemic drinking escalated to morning vodka consumption[10:00] The Moment of Truth* Thanksgiving weekend 2020: couldn't remember putting kids to bed* 5 AM wake-up call filled with self-loathing and clarity* First time admitting to husband: "I think I have a problem"* Husband's immediate support and relief[12:00] The Social Fear Factor* Greatest barrier: fear of judgment from drinking friends* Worried about being "the sober person" despite being known as "sloppy drunk"* Lost friendships when sobriety held mirror to others' drinking* Grief process for relationships based solely on alcohol[18:00] Creative Floodgates Open* Started writing immediately after getting sober* Hadn't written since college despite being English major* Writing became cathartic tool for processing buried trauma* Created blog as accountability tool for husband and friends[20:00] From Shame to Story* Never felt "good enough" to write while drinking* Would joke about "maybe someday writing life story" but never tried* Sobriety revealed years of suppressed creative yearning* Writing became way to "pay forward" the comfort found in others' recovery stories[25:00] Beyond the Memoir* First book "On the Edge of Shattered" published in 2022* Currently writing fiction novel—modern retelling of The Scarlet Letter* Lead writer for Season 2 of narrative podcast "F*cking Sober: The First 90 Days"* Working with agents for second book publicationKey Quotes"I didn't think I was worthy of creativity when I was drinking. I didn't think I was good enough. I didn't even bother. I knew that I loved to write for so long and I remember jokingly saying to my husband in my 20s like maybe someday I'll write my life story, but I was like, I'm never going to be good enough to do that." - Kimberly Kearns"The writing really helped uncover those feelings. Much like a lot of people that drink, you drink to not feel and to numb. And the writing really helped uncover those feelings." - Kimberly Kearns"I like to write about this topic in particular because I didn't have anything to turn to for so long. I felt like I was just suffering in silence. I was so terrified and so alone that when I finally did stop drinking and I found things to read and turn to—I was so grateful for all those novels that I read and all those memoirs." - Kimberly Kearns"There's no blaming anybody. There's no pointing fingers. I'm taking responsibility in telling my story." - Kimberly KearnsResources Mentioned* Book: "On the Edge of Shattered" by Kimberly Kearns (available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble)* Podcast: "F*cking Sober: The First 90 Days" (Season 2 written by Kim)* Newsletter: Unshattered Sobriety on Substack* Recovery Program: Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)Where to Find Kimberly* Substack: Unshattered Sobriety* Book: "On the Edge of Shattered" (available wherever books are sold)* Website: kimberlykearns.comThank YouA heartfelt thank you to Kathi Foy, Richard Hogan, MD, PhD(2), DBA, Noelle Richardsand many others for tuning into our conversation. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible. I am grateful to Kimberly Kearns for her bravery in recovering out loud by sharing her story. What's NextThe Sober Creative is more than a newsletter. It's a movement—and now, a growing community of creatives choosing clarity.✍️ Read the Essays - Stories and strategies for building a clear, intentional creative life without substances.🎙️ Join Clear Conversations - Live interviews with artists and entrepreneurs navigating sobriety and deep creative purpose.🧘 Try a Guided Meditation - Short, powerful practices to reconnect with your creative voice and ground your nervous system.☀️ Want to gain clarity on where you are? In this Free 60-minute 1:1 session, we'll get clear on what's really keeping you stuck and explore what's actually possible for you.🌱 Are you ready to explore your life without alcohol? A guided one-month experience for sober-curious creatives who are ready to let go and reconnect with their voice.🧭 Feeling ready to go deeper? Learn more about my 90-day 1:1 coaching experience to reclaim your inner alignment through sobriety.Each step forward is an act of becoming the person you want to be.Thank you for being here.JoshThe Sober Creative is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

The Story Behind the TransformationNick Neve's journey reads like a cautionary tale that transforms into a beacon of hope. In 2013, he was broke, burnt out, and working three jobs just to survive. But it was a single night—a night that ended with him unconscious behind the wheel, wrapped around a tree in Bel Air—that became the catalyst for a complete life transformation.What makes Nick's story so compelling isn't just the dramatic rock bottom moment, but what he built from the wreckage. Today, he's a successful entrepreneur, relationship coach, and writer helping others navigate their own transformations. His journey from addiction and isolation to building a seven-figure business and finding authentic human connection offers profound insights for anyone feeling stuck or searching for deeper meaning in their creative and personal lives.Show Notes[05:00] The Family Pattern That Shaped Everything* Growing up in a family that couldn't even say the word "alcoholic"* Watching family members die from alcohol-related causes without acknowledgment* How family silence around addiction creates dangerous blind spots* The normalization of dangerous drinking behaviors[08:00] The Night That Changed Everything* Working as a server at Wayne Gretzky's former mansion in Bel Air* The progression from champagne to whiskey to bartending while intoxicated* Driving drunk down windy hills and crashing into a tree* Waking up two hours later to police at the window[13:00] The Aftermath and Awakening* Blowing a .16 blood alcohol level hours after the crash* Losing $20,000 and having a breathalyzer installed in his car* The transformative experience of attending AA meetings* Discovering vulnerable, authentic sharing for the first time[16:00] Building Success While Staying Sober* Meeting his sober wife and experiencing authentic connection* Taking the risk to start a vegan snack business on Amazon* Growing the company to seven figures while maintaining sobriety* Learning what he was truly capable of without substances[18:00] Finding Purpose in Human Connection* Studying philosophy, psychology, and relationships* Recognizing that human connection is what people crave most* Becoming a relationship coach to help others break cycles* Understanding how technology both connects and isolates us[24:00] Creative Practices for Sober Living* Evening creativity sessions for journaling and research* The power of gratitude practice and spiritual connection* Daily walks in nature averaging 10,000 steps* "Floor time" practice for physical and mental grounding[32:00] The Small Steps Philosophy* Habit stacking: pairing new habits with existing ones* Starting with just 2-5 minutes daily for any new practice* How his business started with 5-10 minutes of daily work* Why there's no "right way" to live your life[37:00] Fear, Anxiety, and the Sober Mind* How substances actually create the anxiety they seem to cure* The instant changes that happen when you quit* Learning to feel emotions fully instead of numbing everything* Faith and breath work as tools for dissolving fearKey Quotes"You cannot become your best self if you're using drugs and alcohol. You just can't. If you think that it makes you a better person, it's an illusion because you pay the price tenfold later on." - Nick Neve"The very thing you are doing is preventing you from being that person, from living that life. And it's such a crazy thing." - Nick Neve"As a human being, you are so much stronger than you think. You are so much stronger than that." - Nick Neve"It doesn't just numb the anxiety feeling. It numbs everything. It numbs even your body... it actually numbs all emotions." - Nick Neve"There is no box. That's the illusion. You can actually live on your own terms and really do whatever you want." - Nick NeveResources Mentioned* AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meetings* Habit stacking technique* Floor time practice (inspired by Japanese culture)* YouTube and Substack for inspiration and recovery stories* Meetup.com for building social connections* Gratitude practice and spiritual connectionWhere to Find NickNick shares weekly insights on relationships and personal transformation through his Substack newsletter "Relationships with a Soul." He releases 12-15 minute podcast episodes every Tuesday covering common relationship challenges and features inspiring interviews with people who've overcome burnout and found their way back to authentic living.Find him at: Relationships With A SoulReady to Transform Your Creative Life?Nick's story demonstrates that our greatest challenges often become the foundation for our most meaningful contributions. If you're ready to explore what's possible when you create from clarity instead of chaos, I'd love to support your journey.Book a free Coffee & Connection chat if you're curious about coaching, feeling stuck in your creative practice, or simply want to explore what sober creativity might look like for you. Sometimes the most powerful transformations begin with a single conversation.Feeling ready for deeper work? Explore Unfiltered Creation — my 90-day 1:1 coaching experience designed to align your work, sobriety, and creative purpose. Because your authentic creative voice is waiting on the other side of whatever's holding you back.Thank YouA heartfelt thank you to Nick Neve for his extraordinary vulnerability and wisdom in sharing his story. And to everyone who joined us live for this conversation—your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.What's Next☀️ The Sober Creative is more than a newsletter.It’s a movement—and now, a growing community of creatives choosing clarity.✍️ Read the Essays (free)Stories and strategies for building a clear, intentional, creative life without substances.🎙️ Join Clear Conversations (free)Live interviews with artists and entrepreneurs navigating sobriety and deep creative purpose.🧘 Try a Guided Meditation (free)Start Where You Are and Gratitude are short, powerful practices to reconnect with your creative voice and ground your nervous system.🌟 Go Premium (paid)Support this work and unlock full access:* Full access to my library of guided meditations* Exclusive live meditation sessions* Priority Q&A and community insightsBecome a paid subscriber for $8/month👥 Founding Members (paid)Founding members receive lifetime access, a 1:1 coaching session with me, and the opportunity to help shape the experience and future offerings of The Sober Creative—without changing its core mission.Join as a founding member for $240/year💬 Let’s connectBook a free connection call if you’re curious about coaching, community, or just want to say hey.🧭 Feeling ready?Explore Unfiltered Creation — a 90-day 1:1 coaching experience to align your work, sobriety, and purpose.Life unfiltered is where the real creativity lives.Thanks for walking this path with me.JoshThe Sober Creative is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

In a world obsessed with productivity and endless achievement, Libby Walkup has discovered something revolutionary: the power of stopping time. As the creative force behind Unraveling, Unmoored, Libby's journey from burnout and generational trauma to what she calls "contemplative creativity" offers a profound roadmap for anyone seeking to heal through slowness and presence.What makes Libby's story particularly compelling isn't just her academic credentials—degrees from Bath Spa University, the School of the Art Institute of Chicago, and the University of Iowa—but her willingness to completely reimagine what creative success looks like. After years of pushing through exhaustion and operating from a dysregulated nervous system, she made a radical choice: to put healing first and let creativity emerge from that foundation of wholeness.Her transformation reveals something many of us desperately need to hear: that our deepest creative work often comes not from forcing or striving, but from creating space for what wants to emerge. Through practices like meditative circle drawing, morning pages, and intuitive writing, Libby has learned to become what she beautifully describes as "a state of receiving."Show Notes[00:00] Opening: The Art of Meditative Drawing* Libby shares her practice of drawing thousands of tiny circles on large sheets of paper* How repetitive, meditative art creates natural flow states that bypass mental resistance* The importance of loving your creative work at every stage: "I walk by it and say 'you're such a sexy drawing'"* Why forcing creativity rarely works—and what does[08:00] From Burnout to Breakthrough: A Personal Transformation* Growing up neurodivergent in a small Minnesota town with generational trauma* The moment of recognition: working only 6 hours a week but needing 24 hours to recover* How traditional productivity models fail sensitive, creative people* The shift from "writing first" to "healing first"[24:00] The Healing Journey: Practices That Changed Everything* Starting with yoga and meditation in early 20s (when it was still "weird")* The pandemic revelation about nervous system taxation* Discovering breathwork, EFT tapping, Reiki, and morning pages* How incremental shifts create massive transformation over time[30:00] Learning to Trust Intuition* The toxic relationship that became a spiritual wake-up call* Developing clairvoyant abilities while learning to actually listen to inner wisdom* Why taking action on intuitive guidance is often the hardest part* Living from intuition vs. traditional planning and goal-setting[32:00] Understanding Trauma Release* How healing happens in layers, not linear progression* Observing thought patterns shift word by word through practice* Why "spending days crying on the floor" can actually be progress* The Buddhist concept of impermanence as a healing tool[37:00] Morning Pages as Prayer and Guidance* Using Julia Cameron's morning pages practice for clarity and connection* How stream-of-consciousness writing clears "ego gunk" and opens channels* Receiving answers to questions through automatic writing* The subtle shift when creativity becomes channeled vs. forcedKey Quotes"It's like a state of receiving... but how to get there? We literally have to just relax and relax and relax and relax until we can allow that receiving." - Libby Walkup"Everything that's coming forward, especially when I'm in practice, is like a layer of something being released. It makes those days I spent crying on the floor less hard... they're coming forward and they're being released." - Libby Walkup"I think people can be creative without being aligned. But there's something that drops down... I'm being guided or receiving that thing like it just sort of takes over." - Libby Walkup"Understanding that nothing is permanent, even when it's really f*****g hard, has been really useful in this journey." - Libby WalkupResources Mentioned* Books: Brené Brown's work, Carla McLaren (emotion work), Thich Nhat Hanh, Julia Cameron's morning pages, Liz Gilbert's Big Magic* Practices: Zentangle drawing, morning pages, breathwork, EFT tapping, Reiki, yoga* Educational: Domestica.com for art tutorials, University of Iowa Center for the Book* Concepts: Autism spectrum awareness, complex PTSD healing, nervous system regulationWhere to Find Libby* Website: UnravelingUnmoored.com* Personal site: LibbyWalkup.com* Email: [email protected]* Instagram: @LibbyWalkUpThank YouA heartfelt thank you to Corie Feiner, Nick Neve, Jari J and everyone who joined us live for this conversation, and to Libby Walkup for her extraordinary wisdom and vulnerability. Your willingness to share the messy, sacred work of choosing presence over productivity and healing over hustle offers a beacon of hope for anyone learning to trust their own contemplative path.What's Next☀️ The Sober Creative is more than a newsletter.It’s a movement—and now, a growing community of creatives choosing clarity.✍️ Read the Essays (free)Stories and strategies for building a clear, intentional, creative life without substances.🎙️ Join Clear Conversations (free)Live interviews with artists and entrepreneurs navigating sobriety and deep creative purpose.🧘 Try a Guided Meditation (free)Start Where You Are and Gratitude are short, powerful practices to reconnect with your creative voice and ground your nervous system.🌟 Go Premium (paid)Support this work and unlock full access:* Full access to my library of guided meditations* Exclusive live meditation sessions* Priority Q&A and community insightsBecome a paid subscriber for $8/month👥 Founding Members (paid)Founding members receive lifetime access, a 1:1 coaching session with me, and the opportunity to help shape the experience and future offerings of The Sober Creative—without changing its core mission.Join as a founding member for $240/year💬 Let’s connectBook a free connection call if you’re curious about coaching, community, or just want to say hey.🧭 Feeling ready?Explore Unfiltered Creation — a 90-day 1:1 coaching experience to align your work, sobriety, and purpose.Life unfiltered is where the real creativity lives.Thanks for walking this path with me.JoshThe Sober Creative is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

Five years ago, Ryan Conklin stood at the intersection of devastating loss and profound possibility. His dream job eliminated. His identity shattered. Everything he'd built carefully constructed around his career in the spirits industry—gone in a single day.But instead of numbing the pain, Ryan made a vow that would transform his life: "Stay awake for this." That same day he quit drinking, not because he labeled himself with any particular identity, but because he chose presence over escape. What followed wasn't just recovery—it was a complete remaking of how he related to himself, his purpose, and the wilderness both outside and within.Ryan's journey from spirits industry professional to vision quest guide reveals something profound about the nature of transformation: sometimes our greatest breakdowns become our most essential preparation. Through his Substack "Maps of the Inner Wild," he explores what becomes possible when we stop running from our unraveling and start listening to the quieter voice that emerges from stillness.Show Notes[00:00] The Mirror Moment - When Identity Disappears* Ryan describes the moment he couldn't recognize himself after losing his job and relationship* The disorientation of asking "who am I?" outside of professional identity* Why some breakdowns are actually breakings-open rather than breakings-down* The choice between staying in victimhood or empowering transformation[05:00] From Hospitality to Spirits - A Career Built on Connection* 31 years studying "how what we do makes people feel" through hospitality* The spirits industry job that required visiting 8 bars per day with a $4,000 monthly entertainment budget* How professional success can become a sophisticated form of numbing* The difference between creating experiences for others vs. staying present to your own experience[10:00] The Leadership Program That Changed Everything* "You can't lead others until you can lead yourself" - the teaching that sparked transformation* Moving from preparation for promotion to accepting demotion with dignity* How shadow work and facing discomfort became the foundation for real leadership* The retreat experience that whispered "walk with me" and led to vision quest training[15:00] Shifting from Monologue to Dialogue* The revolutionary practice of turning self-criticism into self-curiosity* Practical example: How to handle distraction (like scrolling social media) with compassion* "Curiosity is literally a synonym for love" - showing up for yourself with genuine interest* Moving from "you're terrible at this" to "what's going on? what do you need?"[23:00] Creativity as Survival and Remaking* Ryan's background in professional snowboard photography before spirits* How 5 years of survival mode (parents' health crises, career loss) shut down creative expression* The vow to play: "engaging with something without a need for outcome"* Learning flute, fly fishing, and bow hunting as acts of creative rebellion[33:00] Vision Quest - Holding Space in the Wilderness* The 9-day process: preparation, 4 days/nights alone on the land with no food or shelter* Sitting inside a question, drawing a spiritual circle, being held by guides* The challenge of returning to society after deep wilderness attunement* How guiding others through transformation has become Ryan's creative expression[38:00] The Wildest Place We'll Ever Know* "The wildest place we'll ever know is inside of ourselves"* Connection defined as feeling heard, seen, met, felt, honored, and celebrated* The correlation between depth of self-connection and ability to connect with others* Wilderness as the art of noticing - accessible in backyards and bus stops, not just remote forests[43:00] Making Decisions from a New Place* Shifting from "Am I safe? Do I fit in? Seeking the blessing?" to "I am safe. I belong. Embodying the blessing."* How trauma creates survival-based decision-making patterns* The ontological approach: studying who we're being in everything we're doing* Creating from the future rather than reacting from the pastKey Quotes"The wildest place we'll ever know is inside of ourselves." - Ryan Conklin"Curiosity is literally a synonym for love, and when we can show up from a place of love towards ourselves, it makes so much more possible." - Ryan Conklin"My invitation, my work, is shifting it from a monologue to a dialogue. Shifting these voices, these thoughts from monologues to dialogues... taking something that is internal self-criticism or judgment and shifting it into an allyship." - Ryan Conklin"Vitality lives on the other side of grief. And grief is not something to be done or completed or moved through, but actually something to be in deep relationship with." - Ryan Conklin"The way I define play is engaging with something without a need for outcome. Just doing something just to do it." - Ryan ConklinResources Mentioned* Maps of the Inner Wild - Ryan's Substack exploring transformation and wilderness connection* The Bridger Coaching - Ryan's coaching practice* Man Uncivilized/Uncivilized Nation - The men's organization where Ryan leads chapters* Vision Quest/The Initiation - 9-day wilderness transformation experience* Rumi's poetry - "Beyond ideas of right doing and wrong doing, there's a field. I'll meet you there"* Tom Brown's Tracker School - Wilderness awareness and primitive skills* John Young's bird language teachings - Connecting with nature through observation* Sit spot practice - Regular time in one outdoor location to deepen awarenessWhere to Find Ryan* Website: TheBridgerCoaching.com* Substack: Maps of Inner Wild - Ryan Conklin * LinkedIn: Connect for thoughtful conversations about transformation* Availability: Open to connecting with readers in Denver or via phone callsThe Wisdom of UndoingRyan's story reveals something essential about the creative life: sometimes our greatest art is the remaking of ourselves. His journey from spirits industry to vision quest guide shows how transformation becomes possible when we stay present with our breaking points instead of numbing them.If Ryan's approach to wilderness connection and men's work resonates with you, I encourage you to explore The Bridger Coaching and his community work with Man Uncivilized.For creatives specifically seeking to align their artistic practice with sobriety and authentic purpose, The Sober Creative offers a complementary path focused on the intersection of creativity, clarity, and sustainable business practices.Thank YouA heartfelt thank you to Dr. Amber Hull, Allison Taylor Conway, and everyone who joined us live for this conversation, and to Ryan Conklin for his extraordinary wisdom and vulnerability. Your willingness to share your journey of staying awake through life's breaking points offers hope to anyone navigating their own wilderness.What's Next☀️ The Sober Creative is more than a newsletter.It’s a movement—and now, a growing community of creatives choosing clarity.✍️ Read the Essays (free)Stories and strategies for building a clear, intentional, creative life without substances.🎙️ Join Clear Conversations (free)Live interviews with artists and entrepreneurs navigating sobriety and deep creative purpose.🧘 Try a Guided Meditation (free/paid)Short, powerful practices to reconnect with your creative voice and ground your nervous system.🌟 Go Premium (paid)Support this work and unlock full access:* Full access to my library of guided meditations* Exclusive live meditation sessions* Priority Q&A and community insightsBecome a paid subscriber for $8/month👥 Founding Members (paid)Founding members receive lifetime access, a 1:1 coaching session with me, and the opportunity to help shape the experience and future offerings of The Sober Creative—without changing its core mission.Join as a founding member for $240/year💬 Let’s connectBook a free coffee chat if you’re curious about coaching, community, or just want to say hey.🧭 Feeling ready?Explore Unfiltered Creation — a 90-day 1:1 coaching experience to align your work, sobriety, and purpose.Life unfiltered is where the real creativity lives.Thanks for walking this path with me.JoshThe Sober Creative is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

The conversation that changes everything often starts with admitting the one truth we've been running from. For Katie MacBride, that moment came at 23, in a hospital bed with a blood alcohol level that should have killed her—0.4, five times the legal limit. What followed wasn't just recovery, but a complete reimagining of what it means to create authentically.Katie, now a health science journalist whose work appears in New York Magazine, Rolling Stone, and beyond, has spent the last 17 years proving that our most powerful creative work emerges not from chaos, but from clarity. Through her newsletter "Ask A Sober Lady," she's become a vital voice for anyone questioning the myth that substances fuel creativity, offering instead the radical proposition that our truest artistic voice is waiting on the other side of that conversation we've been avoiding.Show Notes[00:00] The Moment Everything Changed* Katie's wake-up call: surviving a 0.4 blood alcohol level at 23* The psych ward revelation that broke through years of denial* Why direct confrontation about drinking often backfires completely* The defensive mechanisms that keep us trapped in destructive patterns[06:30] The Life Support System* How alcohol becomes an "emotional support animal" for creatives* The myth of needing substances to access our authentic selves* Why early drinking experiences can feel transformative for sensitive people* The isolation that comes from believing "no one understands what this means to me"[14:00] Creative Identity Crisis* Dismantling the romanticized "drunk brilliant writer" archetype* Katie's attempt to emulate Hemingway: early morning drinking sessions that ended in passing out* The brutal reality: always prioritizing the substance over the creative work* How substances actually block access to our authentic creative voice[20:00] Life on the Other Side* Building a quiet, intentional life in rural Washington with goats and purpose* How animals force presence and interrupt destructive thought patterns* Transitioning from AA meetings to newsletter writing as a recovery practice* The evolution of recovery needs over time[28:00] The Writing Life Reimagined* Using the newsletter to maintain a consistent creative practice* The importance of capturing "glimmers"—those flash moments of inspiration* How audiobooks replaced TV to stay connected to literary craft* Building sustainable creative rhythms without the chaos[33:00] Defining Recovery Your Way* Katie's practical definition: "abstinence from deliberate consumption of alcohol"* The difference between sobriety (not drinking) and recovery (ongoing growth)* Why rigid rules often alienate people who need help most* The danger of one-size-fits-all approaches to recovery[36:00] Media Representation Matters* The best portrayals of addiction: 28 Days, Clean and Sober, Single Drunk Female* Why most drunk characters in media miss the mark completely* The strange intimacy of treatment: strangers becoming survival partners* How accurate representation can save livesKey Quotes"If you knew what it felt like for me to be sober, you'd never ask me to be that way. And it just, like, I think about it all the time. Because that is what it felt like. It felt like this injustice." - Katie MacBride"I was always going to prioritize the drinking over the writing. Always." - Katie MacBride"One of the best things about animals is how much they will force you to be in the present moment." - Katie MacBride"Too many hard and fast rules really just serve to alienate people who need help. And that's not what we should be trying to do." - Katie MacBrideResources Mentioned* Ask A Sober Lady Newsletter - Katie's Substack offering recovery advice and essays* Books: Works by Hemingway, Pam Houston's concept of "glimmers"* Films: 28 Days, Clean and Sober, Single Drunk Female (TV series)* West Wing - Leo McGarry character as positive recovery representationWhere to Find Katie* Newsletter: Ask A Sober Lady on Substack (free subscription)* Website: KatieMacBride.com for journalism portfolio* Email questions: [email protected]* Follow her goat adventures and writing updates across social platformsJoin the MovementKatie's story illuminates a truth many of us are discovering: our most authentic creative work doesn't require substances—it requires presence. If you're ready to explore what your unfiltered creative voice might sound like, you're not alone in this journey.Unfiltered Creation is my 90-day 1:1 coaching experience designed specifically for creatives ready to align their work, sobriety, and purpose. Together, we'll build the practices, mindset, and support system you need to create from clarity rather than chaos.This isn't about following someone else's path—it's about discovering your own. Ready to see what emerges when you stop numbing and start creating? to explore if this feels like the right next step for your creative journey.Thank YouA heartfelt thank you to Kathi Foy, Jari J, Lori, Viviana Roco and everyone who joined us live for this conversation, and to Katie MacBride for her extraordinary honesty and wisdom. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.What's Next☀️ The Sober Creative is more than a newsletter.It’s a movement—and now, a growing community of creatives choosing clarity.✍️ Read the Essays (free)Stories and strategies for building a clear, intentional, creative life without substances.🎙️ Join Clear Conversations (free)Live interviews with artists and entrepreneurs navigating sobriety and deep creative purpose.🧘 Try a Guided Meditation (free/paid)Short, powerful practices to reconnect with your creative voice and ground your nervous system.🌟 Go Premium (paid)Support this work and unlock full access:* Full access to my library of guided meditations* Exclusive live meditation sessions* Priority Q&A and community insightsBecome a paid subscriber for $8/month👥 Founding Members (paid)Founding members receive lifetime access, a 1:1 coaching session with me, and the opportunity to help shape the experience and future offerings of The Sober Creative—without changing its core mission.Join as a founding member for $240/year💬 Let’s connectBook a free coffee chat if you’re curious about coaching, community, or just want to say hey.🧭 Feeling ready?Explore Unfiltered Creation — a 90-day 1:1 coaching experience to align your work, sobriety, and purpose.Each step forward is an act of creative rebellion.Thanks for walking this path with me.JoshP.S. Did this conversation spark something for you? Hit reply and let me know what resonated most. I read every response. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

What do you do when you have all the skills to create art, but can't bring yourself to pick up a brush? When success in your creative career feels hollow because you've lost touch with your personal artistic voice?In this episode of Clear Conversations, I sat down with Leeanne Brennan, a creative artist who spent two decades mastering technical skills in the fields of video games and motion graphics—only to discover she hadn't made personal art in 10 years. Her journey from creative paralysis to launching a thriving art business and coaching practice reveals profound truths about resistance, intuition, and the spiritual nature of creative blocks.Leeanne's story isn't just about returning to art. It's about discovering that our greatest creative obstacles often point us toward our most authentic expression. Through mindfulness, manifestation, and what she calls the "Awaken, Channel, and Create" method, she learned to release the pressure for perfect outcomes and trust the creative process itself.Show Notes[00:00] - The Identity Crisis Moment* How professional success masked a deeper creative disconnection* The playground conversation that changed everything: "What do you do?" "Nothing."* Why quitting her job to stay home didn't solve the underlying problem* The realization that depression was directly linked to missing personal creative practice[05:00] - The Overwhelm of Big Dreams* Why having "all the ideas" can become paralyzing rather than inspiring* The crushing pressure of outcome-based thinking versus process-based creating* How perfectionism and comparison to family artists added extra weight* The difference between creating from the thinking mind versus channeling through spirit[09:00] - Discovery Through Spiritual Practice* Finding manifestation and mindfulness through a women's circle* The pivotal realization: "This isn't about the art—I need to reconnect with myself"* How a year of inner work created the foundation for creative return* Learning to trust intuition over forcing predetermined outcomes[15:00] - The Vegetable Paintings: Starting Small* Creating an "entry ramp" back into art with low-stakes daily practice* Using cheap materials and simple subjects to remove pressure* The power of treating creative practice like yoga—for the experience, not the result* How pregnancy timeline created healthy urgency without overwhelming pressure[22:00] - Following the Thread of What Feels Right* The evolution from vegetables to crystal grids to manifestation drawings* Learning to recognize when content doesn't align with authentic voice* Why meaning and message became more important than technical mastery* The courage to pivot when something doesn't feel authentic[28:00] - The 100-Day Practice Revolution* How becoming a mother actually simplified and focused the creative process* Switching from painting to digital drawing for practical reasons* The "AI approach" to idea generation: feeding your brain data all day* Creating a system for capturing ideas during everyday moments[35:00] - Channeling vs. Forcing Creative Ideas* The practice of writing down intuitive flashes immediately* How ideas come through when you're not actively trying to create* Building trust that consistent small actions compound into big results* The paradox: stopping the rush actually speeds up meaningful progress[40:00] - Embracing What Comes Naturally* Questioning cultural pressure to constantly "level up" and improve technique* Finding peace with drawing style that flows easily rather than struggling toward complexity* Focusing energy on exploring new topics rather than perfecting technical skills* Permission to stay with what brings joy instead of what "should" bring achievementKey Quotes"I was like, yo, what do I do? And I remember just looking at her and I was like, nothing. I said nothing. I was like, I'm just home with my daughter. And it was like, oh, it hit me like a ton of bricks." - Leeanne Brennan"I knew if I made art I would be happy and I knew if I made art I would be able to reclaim that identity piece to say I am the artist... Because I make art every day." - Leeanne Brennan"What if what comes easy to you is what you're supposed to do here on earth. Like what if what comes naturally out of your body is like what the universe is like, hi, hello. I was trying to tell you this is what you're supposed to do." - Leeanne Brennan"Our ego is like, what's the point? Like, why would I start so small? That's like a waste of your time... And that's what I teach in my program is like there absolutely is a point and you cannot skip the steps." - Leeanne Brennan"Once you stop rushing and forcing, that's when your results speed up." - Leeanne BrennanResources Mentioned* To Be Magnetic - Lacy Phillips' manifestation program and workshops* Procreate - iPad drawing software Leeanne uses for her artwork* Women's Circles - Community spiritual practice for connection and growth* Somatic Movement - Body-based practices for disconnecting from thinking mind* Epic Bones - Leeanne's affirmation card business and art platformWhere to Find Leeanne* Art & Products: Epic Bones - epicbones.com * Instagram: @epic_bones * Coaching: leannebrennan.com - Awaken, Channel, and Create programs for returning to creative practiceThank YouA heartfelt thank you to everyone who joined us live for this conversation, your presence and engagement make these conversations possible. And to Leeanne Brennan for her extraordinary openness and wisdom. What's Next☀️ The Sober Creative is more than a newsletter.It’s a movement—and now, a growing community of creatives choosing clarity.✍️ Read the Essays (free)Stories and strategies for building a clear, intentional creative life without substances.🎙️ Join Clear Conversations (free)Live interviews with artists and entrepreneurs navigating sobriety and deep creative purpose.🧘 Try a Guided Meditation (free/paid)Short, powerful practices to reconnect with your creative voice and ground your nervous system.🌟 Go Premium (paid)Support this work and unlock full access:* Extended guided meditations* Exclusive live meditation sessions* Priority Q&A and community insightsBecome a paid subscriber for $8/month👥 Founding Members (paid)Founding members receive lifetime access, a 1:1 coaching session with me, and the opportunity to help shape the experience and future offerings of The Sober Creative—without changing its core mission.Join as a founding member for $240/year💬 Let’s connectBook a free coffee chat if you’re curious about coaching, community, or just want to say hey.🧭 Feeling ready?Explore Unfiltered Creation — a 90-day 1:1 coaching experience to align your work, sobriety, and purpose.Each step forward is an act of creative rebellion.Thanks for walking this path with me.JoshThe Sober Creative is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

This week, I sat down with Edward Zaydelman, who's spent over 20 years building intentional communities in Costa Rica while navigating his own journey with sobriety. What started as a conversation about alternative living quickly became something deeper—an exploration of how sobriety doesn't just change what we create, but how we experience the creative process itself.Edward's story challenged everything I thought I knew about the relationship between substances and creativity. From his days as a nightclub promoter in New York to playing Native American flutes in the Costa Rican jungle, his journey reveals how numbing ourselves—whether through substances or workaholism—blocks the very creative fire we're trying to access. This conversation reminded me why I started The Sober Creative in the first place: to prove that our most authentic work emerges not despite sobriety, but because of it.Show Notes[03:00] The Origin Story: When Numbing Begins* Edward traces his substance use back to childhood trauma and family dysfunction* Early experimentation with substances as escape from uncomfortable emotions* Recognition that numbing started as a survival mechanism during adolescence* The pattern of avoiding reality rather than learning to process difficult feelings[06:00] The Nightclub Years and Early Addiction Patterns* Promoting nightclubs in high school while maintaining straight-A student facade* The embarrassing night his mother caught him on ecstasy—sleeping between his parents while rolling* Distinction between alcohol (never a problem) and marijuana (his primary addiction)* How he became an expert at hiding his substance use from family and authorities[12:00] Plant Medicine and the Blurred Lines* Edward's mother's insight: "Drugs and parties just became ceremony and medicine"* The challenge of distinguishing between healing and recreational use with psychedelics* Years of ayahuasca ceremonies and the eventual recognition of leisure masquerading as spirituality* Why he's cautious about endorsing plant medicine despite personal benefits[16:00] The December Turning Point* How getting sick with COVID-like symptoms created a natural break from substances* Being encouraged to try a 12-step program (Marijuana Anonymous) by a trusted mentor* The mentor's promise: "This will be the deepest spiritual journey you've ever done"* Initial resistance to 12-step programs and what changed his mind[17:00] Discovering Community and Connection to Source* The power of community support without needing to "have it figured out"* Developing personal definitions of God and spirituality outside institutional frameworks* Moving from being the "director, actor, and stage crew" of his life to surrendering control* How sobriety opened access to life force energy he could see in nature[18:00] Finding Your Signal: The Anger Phase* A month of intense anger as suppressed feelings surfaced* "Chopping s**t" in his life—relationships, expenses, boundary violations* People saying "you're not the nice guy you usually are" and his response* Learning to say no to clients who wouldn't pay: "I love you, I'm here at service, but I can't do it"[23:00] Creativity Unleashed: When the Fire Ignites* How sobriety awakened musical expression he never knew he had* Morning practices with Native American flute and shruti box* The overwhelming nature of creative energy and learning to ground it* Writing, gardening, and music as natural expressions of his authentic self[40:00] Redefining Sobriety Beyond Substances* Edward: "Real contact with reality, feeling everything there is to feel"* Josh: "Tapping into the true essence of who you are"* How sobriety extends beyond drugs to include presence vs. workaholism* The advancement of emotional intelligence as a civilizationKey Quotes"I realized there were a lot of layers blocking me getting to know who I am—like me knowing me, for Christ's sake, let alone algebra or the hermetic principles. I've been avoiding getting to know this guy here." - Edward Zaydelman"The biggest gift has been feeling my own signal. Because there was s**t that happened that I was just pissed about for a month, and I started f*****g chopping s**t in my life." - Edward Zaydelman"My creativity is on fire. I'm coming up with ideas... I start to cry because I'll walk and I'll feel so much because it's different now. It's personal." - Edward Zaydelman"Sobriety to me means really being in touch with reality, feeling everything there is to feel and experiencing what it is to feel wholeness as a human." - Edward Zaydelman"For me, it's tapping into the true essence of who you are. Your true being... the most authentic version of yourself." - Josh WollResources Mentioned* Marijuana Anonymous (MA) - 12-step program for marijuana addiction* Recovery Dharma - Buddhist-inspired recovery community* Leap Forward - Personal development program mentioned by Edward* Sacred Growth Club - Writing community on Substack that connected Josh and Edward* Native American drone flute tuned to 432 Hz (Schumann resonance)* Shruti box - Harmonium-style instrument for vocal toningWhere to Find Edward Zaydelman* Website: https://www.livethepossibility.co* Substack: Live the Possibility* Instagram: @edwardzaydelman* Connect through The Sacred Business Writing Collective on SubstackThank YouA heartfelt thank you to everyone who joined us live for this conversation, and to Edward Zaydelman for his extraordinary openness and wisdom. Special appreciation to Carolina Wilke and Phil Powis ❤️⚡️ for their thoughtful questions in the chat that deepened our exploration. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.What's Next☀️ The Sober Creative is more than a newsletter. It’s a movement—and now, a growing community of creatives choosing clarity.✍️ Read the Essays (free)Stories and strategies for building a clear, intentional creative life without substances.🎙️ Join Clear Conversations (free)Live interviews with artists and entrepreneurs navigating sobriety and deep creative purpose.🧘 Try a Guided Meditation (free/paid)Short, powerful practices to reconnect with your creative voice and ground your nervous system.🌟 Go Premium (paid)Support this work and unlock full access:* Extended guided meditations* Exclusive live meditation sessions* Priority Q&A and community insightsBecome a paid subscriber for $8/month👥 Founding Members (paid)Founding members receive lifetime access, a 1:1 coaching session with me, and the opportunity to help shape the experience and future offerings of The Sober Creative—without changing its core mission.Join as a founding member for $240/year💬 Let’s connect Book a free coffee chat if you’re curious about coaching, community, or just want to say hey.🧭 Feeling ready?Explore Unfiltered Creation — a 90-day 1:1 coaching experience to align your work, sobriety, and purpose.Each step forward is an act of creative rebellion.Thanks for walking this path with me.JoshThe Sober Creative is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

In this episode of Clear Conversations: Creative Minds in Sobriety, I had the privilege of speaking with Ellie Nova, a sober coach, mentor, and writer whose journey from shame to liberation mirrors what so many of us experience in our relationship with alcohol.Ellie's story begins with a familiar struggle—using alcohol to escape emotional pain and feeling trapped in a cycle she couldn't break free from. After her mother passed when she was just 14, Ellie learned to be "the good girl," holding her emotions inside until alcohol became her release valve at university. For over a decade, she lived with the shame of feeling dependent on something that everyone around her seemed to handle "normally." When she discovered Annie Grace's book This Naked Mind in 2018, everything changed. What started as a personal transformation has blossomed into a mission to guide others toward the freedom she found.What struck me most about our conversation was Ellie's unwavering compassion—both for herself and for others walking this path. She's living proof that the other side of alcohol isn't just about abstinence; it's about creating a life where sobriety requires no effort because you've addressed the root causes that led you to drink in the first place.The Sober Creative is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Show Notes[00:02:50] - The Pre-Sobriety Journey* Ellie started drinking at 16, with consumption accelerating dramatically at university* Following her mother's death at 14, Ellie had suppressed her grief, using alcohol to cope with emotions she was afraid to feel* Despite appearing successful with a career and relationship, she was drinking daily and using alcohol as the answer to everything* Lived with tremendous shame about her inability to control her drinking, thinking there must be "something wrong with me"[00:06:40] - The Book That Changed Everything* Discovered This Naked Mind by Annie Grace through a BuzzFeed article on reducing drinking* Over 20 months, she went from 365 days of drinking to just 20 occasions in that first year* Had her last drink on December 26, 2019, and experienced complete freedom from the desire to drink* "I honestly feel like I've been given a second chance at life. I never imagined I could have this life."[00:11:01] - Learning to Be With Emotions* Ellie shares the practice of "focusing" - creating space between yourself and your emotions* Rather than saying "I am anxious," she learned to say "something in me is feeling anxious right now"* This approach creates distance that allows for compassion toward the feeling part of yourself* Mindful self-compassion became essential—treating herself with kindness rather than cruelty[00:14:35] - Creativity Without Alcohol* Ellie had believed she needed alcohol to write, having identified as a writer since childhood* Was willing to give up writing completely if necessary to achieve sobriety* Instead of losing creativity, she found greater creative capacity after getting sober* Completed an MA in Creative and Life Writing, which she'd wanted to do for 10 years[00:17:31] - From Personal Journey to Professional Passion* After getting sober, Ellie completely reassessed her values and what mattered to her* Trained as a life coach and specifically as a sober coach* Finding purpose in helping others escape the shame cycle she experienced* "To go from a place where I was full of so much shame... to be here now is just such a gift"[00:24:02] - The Messy Reality of Transformation* Ellie discussed how change isn't about sudden epiphanies but gradual, non-linear progress* "It's slow and steady and one step forward. And then maybe a step back and maybe you fall down and you get back up"* The neuroplasticity of our brains requires repetition and patience* Learning to create new patterns and responses takes time—for both sobriety and self-compassion[00:29:22] - The Role of Meditation and Presence* Josh shared how consistent meditation practice (currently 243 days of his 365-day goal) has been transformative* Ellie recognized that presence and mindfulness happen in everyday moments too* Reading to her son became a form of meditation when approached with full presence* Both discussed how these practices affect everything else in lifeKey Quotes"I honestly feel like I've been given a second chance at life. I never imagined I could have this life. And so I'm obviously so passionate about sharing this with other people who might feel the way I felt all those years ago." - Ellie Nova"It's slow and steady and one step forward. And then maybe a step back and maybe you fall down and you get back up and you practice and practice and you remember and you forget and it's okay. And it's imperfect and messy. And that's what life is." - Ellie Nova"I was full of so much shame... to be here now is just what a gift. I'm just so grateful. It's so nice to talk about it because it just reminds me of the gift I feel I've been given and hopefully can share with other people as well." - Ellie Nova"Something in me is feeling anxious right now. It just allows that little bit of pausing and just being with that part, which helps that part to feel safe and know it's being listened to." - Ellie NovaResources Mentioned* This Naked Mind by Annie Grace - The book that changed Ellie's relationship with alcohol* Focusing - A practice for creating space between yourself and your emotions* Mindful Self-Compassion - Learning to treat yourself with kindness rather than cruelty* Beautiful You Academy - Where Ellie trained as a life coach* The Sober Club - Where Ellie completed her sober coach training with Janie Lee GraceWhere to Find Ellie Nova* Website: www.ellie-nova.com* Substack: A Little Fantastic Sober Life* Instagram: @ellienovacoachingThank YouA heartfelt thank you to everyone who joined us live for this conversation, and to Ellie Nova for her extraordinary compassion and wisdom. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.What's Next☀️ The Sober Creative is more than a newsletter.It’s a movement—and now, a growing community of creatives choosing clarity.✍️ Read the Essays (free)Stories and strategies for building a clear, intentional creative life without substances.🎙️ Join Clear Conversations (free)Live interviews with artists and entrepreneurs navigating sobriety and deep creative purpose.🧘 Try a Guided Meditation (free/paid)Short, powerful practices to reconnect with your creative voice and ground your nervous system.🌟 Go Premium (paid)Support this work and unlock full access:* Extended guided meditations* Exclusive live meditation sessions* Priority Q&A and community insightsBecome a paid subscriber for $8/month👥 Founding Members (paid)Founding members receive lifetime access, a 1:1 coaching session with me, and the opportunity to help shape the experience and future offerings of The Sober Creative—without changing its core mission.Join as a founding member for $240/year💬 Let’s connectBook a free coffee chat if you’re curious about coaching, community, or just want to say hey.🧭 Feeling ready?Explore Unfiltered Creation — a 90-day 1:1 coaching experience to align your work, sobriety, and purpose.Each step forward is an act of creative rebellion.Thanks for walking this path with me.JoshThe Sober Creative is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

In my latest episode of Clear Conversations, I sat down with Kaitlyn Ramsay, whose journey from corporate burnout to spiritual guide exemplifies how sobriety transforms not just our health, but our entire creative expression. After quitting her corporate job and buying a one-way ticket to Australia following a devastating breakup, Kaitlyn found herself in Thailand where her relationship with alcohol intensified—until her body literally wouldn't let her continue.What began as health concerns evolved into a profound awakening. Now sober and based in Thailand, Kaitlyn combines astrology, coaching, and writing to help others rediscover their authentic selves. Her story reveals how removing substances doesn't limit creativity—it actually expands our capacity to create from a place of genuine presence and purpose.Show Notes[00:00:00] - Introduction and Welcome* Introducing Kaitlyn Ramsey and her journey from corporate life to spiritual guide* How a painful breakup led to quitting her job and booking a one-way ticket to Australia* Her evolution from escape-seeking to finding authentic purpose[00:02:23] - The Turning Point: When Health Forces Change* Kaitlyn shares how her drinking escalated while living in Thailand's tourist culture* The wake-up call: passing out on a bar floor and subsequent hospital visits* Being diagnosed with depression, panic disorder, and insomnia—but choosing a different path to healing[00:10:42] - Discovering Astrology as a Tool for Self-Knowledge* How sobriety and astrology became intertwined in Kaitlyn's recovery journey* Using astrology to "shine lights on certain parts of myself that maybe I had ignored"* Finding purpose in helping others discover themselves through astrological insights[00:17:31] - The Creative Transformation in Sobriety* The dramatic difference in creative capacity after getting sober: "Like night and day"* How sobriety created mental and emotional space to hold ideas and inspiration* Discovering her true introverted nature after years of alcohol-fueled "extroversion"[00:22:45] - Daily Practices That Support Sobriety and Creativity* Morning pages: Starting with small journals and gradually increasing capacity* Movement practices: Ballet, jazz dance, and Muay Thai training* The importance of setting yourself up for success with achievable practices[00:28:08] - Working with Inner Critics and Self-Judgment* Recognizing that even critical inner voices have positive intentions* Questioning whether self-criticism is actually keeping us safe* Learning to have conversations with different parts of ourselves[00:30:42] - Finding Beauty in Unexpected Places* Kaitlyn shares a story about how a dead cat taught her about beauty* How pausing and creating space led to a profound shift in perspective* Transforming an unpleasant task into a meaningful ritual of honoring lifeKey Quotes"For so long I just ignored every single signal until it was like, 'You're not ignoring this anymore'—you can't." - Kaitlyn Ramsey"The biggest thing for me has just been the capacity. I feel like I just have so much more capacity and space to hold all of these ideas and things that are filtering through me. Whereas before I was just so overwhelmed." - Kaitlyn Ramsey"I think setting ourselves up for success is important. I started with a tiny little notebook because there's no way I'm going to do three full-size pages. Now every time I finish a journal, I just get one size bigger." - Kaitlyn Ramsey"I fully believe that even the critical parts of ourselves do have positive intentions and they just want us to keep us safe. But then it's like, is this actually keeping me safe? Do I need your advice right now?" - Kaitlyn RamseyResources Mentioned* The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron (Morning Pages practice)* Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction course* Elephant Journal (where Kaitlyn has published work)* Somatic practices and journaling for recovery support* Muay Thai training as a physical practiceWhere to Find Kaitlyn* Substack: Follow Kaitlyn's writing and astrological insights* Website: kaitlynramsay.com for astrology readings and coaching* Instagram: @kaitlyn.k.r for daily inspiration and updatesThank YouA heartfelt thank you to everyone who joined us live for this conversation, and toKaitlyn Ramsay for her extraordinary openness and wisdom. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.What's Next☀️ The Sober Creative is more than a newsletter.It’s a movement—and now, a growing community of creatives choosing clarity.✍️ Read the Essays (free)Stories and strategies for building a clear, intentional creative life without substances.🎙️ Join Clear Conversations (free)Live interviews with artists and entrepreneurs navigating sobriety and deep creative purpose.🧘 Try a Guided Meditation (free/paid)Short, powerful practices to reconnect with your creative voice and ground your nervous system.🌟 Go Premium (paid)Support this work and unlock full access:* Extended guided meditations* Exclusive live meditation sessions* Priority Q&A and community insightsBecome a paid subscriber for $8/month👥 Founding Members (paid)Founding members receive lifetime access, a 1:1 coaching session with me, and the opportunity to help shape the experience and future offerings of The Sober Creative—without changing its core mission.Join as a founding member for $240/year💬 Let’s connectBook a free coffee chat if you’re curious about coaching, community, or just want to say hey.🧭 Feeling ready?Explore Unfiltered Creation — a 90-day 1:1 coaching experience to align your work, sobriety, and purpose.Each step forward is an act of creative rebellion.Thanks for walking this path with me.JoshThe Sober Creative is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

In this powerful conversation with former Times picture editor Discover Still By Paul Sanders, we explore the profound connection between sobriety, mindfulness, and authentic creativity. Paul shares his journey from rock bottom to creative rebirth, revealing how eight years of sobriety transformed not just his photography, but his entire relationship with the world around him.Paul's story is a testament to how clarity of mind can unlock artistic potential that substances often mask. From lying in pouring rain to commune with ferns to finding joy in moments others might overlook, his approach to photography has become a spiritual practice—one that prioritizes presence over perfection and inner validation over external acclaim.Show Notes[00:02:00] From High-Pressure Job to Complete Breakdown* Paul's identity became completely tied to his high-pressure role at The Times* After burning out and taking time off, he realized he actually hated his job* After leaving his position in 2011, he lost his sense of self and spiraled into depression and alcoholism* "I would go to the supermarket and buy food for my son and wine for me... and that went on for three or four years"[00:10:00] The Turning Point* A conversation with his parents revealed his son had been putting him to bed when he was too drunk* March 21st, eight years ago, became his sobriety date – he stopped drinking and went straight to AA* The journey wasn't easy but completely changed his outlook on who he is* "I'm not now a spectator. I actively take part. I own my mistakes."[00:14:00] Mindfulness as a Path to Recovery and Creativity* Paul threw himself into various projects and practices to avoid distraction* Incorporated breath exercises, mindful meditation, and journaling into daily life* These practices, often dismissed as "woo-woo," became powerful tools for transformation* Living mindfully created vulnerability that allowed for more authentic creative expression[00:22:00] A New Approach to Creative Process* Abandoned detailed research and planning in favor of being open to what's present* "The more you prepare, the more you plan, the more disappointed you are when it doesn't work out"* Works with whatever conditions are present rather than wishing for "perfect" situations* Follows a simple process: silence, photograph, gratitude[00:28:00] The Power of Silence with Subjects* Sits in silence with subjects to hear what they're trying to communicate* Most creatives miss this because their ego and desires are "too loud"* When reviewing photos taken this way, he can see more of himself in them* This approach creates work that resonates more deeply with viewers who are open to it[00:30:00] Breaking Free from Comparison Culture* Modern life forces us into constant comparison in all aspects of life* Social media has created competition for validation that pushes creators to copy others* Finding freedom from comparison came directly from sobriety* Now focuses on supporting others rather than ranking himself against themKey Quotes"If you don't like yourself, how can you create any work that is meaningfully authentic and expressive about how you feel about your place in the world?" - Paul Sanders"For me, the open, authentic Paul is a sober, happy Paul. And finding moments of beauty in the most random, random of places... I don't mind [if people don't like my work] because I found a key that unlocked happiness within me." - Paul Sanders"It's only by sitting in silence with your subject can you hear what the subject is trying to communicate." - Paul Sanders"I am 100% now in love with my life. And I can say that over the last eight to 10 years, that journey from absolutely hating everything about my life... to now being in love with my life and every aspect of it, even the bad days." - Paul Sanders"The path of a recovering addict, there has to be a playfulness within it to allow you to find joy in yourself." - Paul SandersResources Mentioned* Mindfulness Practices: Daily meditation, journaling, breath exercises* Discover Still: Paul's platform for mindful photography education* Retreats: Paul's nature-based photography experiencesWhere to Find Paul* Website: Discover Still* Instagram: @discoverstill* Courses & Retreats: Visit his website for information on his mindful photography workshops and luxury retreatsThank YouA heartfelt thank you to everyone who joined us live for this conversation, and to Discover Still By Paul Sanders for his extraordinary openness and wisdom. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.What's Next☀️ The Sober Creative is more than a newsletter.It’s a movement—and now, a growing community of creatives choosing clarity.✍️ Read the Essays (free)Stories and strategies for building a clear, intentional creative life without substances.🎙️ Join Clear Conversations (free)Live interviews with artists and entrepreneurs navigating sobriety and deep creative purpose.🧘 Try a Guided Meditation (free/paid)Short, powerful practices to reconnect with your creative voice and ground your nervous system.🌟 Go Premium (paid)Support this work and unlock full access:* Extended guided meditations* Exclusive live meditation sessions* Priority Q&A and community insightsBecome a paid subscriber for $8/month👥 Founding Members (paid)Founding members receive lifetime access, a 1:1 coaching session with me, and the opportunity to help shape the experience and future offerings of The Sober Creative—without changing its core mission.Join as a founding member for $240/year💬 Let’s connectBook a free coffee chat if you’re curious about coaching, community, or just want to say hey.🧭 Feeling ready?Explore Unfiltered Creation — a 90-day 1:1 coaching experience to align your work, sobriety, and purpose.Each step forward is an act of creative rebellion.Thanks for walking this path with me.JoshThe Sober Creative is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe

In this first episode of Clear Conversations: Creative Minds in Sobriety (title was recently rebranded from Focal Points), I spoke with Ula, a photographer and writer from Vancouver Island, about sustaining creative energy while running a business. The conversation explored:* Substack as a Creative Platform: We spoke about Substack's effectiveness for building creative community. Ula described how her content evolved from safe, instructional pieces to more personal sharing, resulting in deeper reader connections as people respond, "I saw myself in you." Unlike image-focused platforms, Substack encourages visual creatives to reflect on their process through writing, helping them develop and articulate their creative philosophy.* Creative routines: Ula prioritizes her most creative morning hours (before 10am) for personal work, reserves afternoons for meetings and admin, and ends work by 5pm to protect her evening downtime.* Setting boundaries: We discussed the importance of clear communication with clients, including establishing rates upfront, building realistic timeframes, and implementing rush fees when necessary.* Work-life balance: Ula incorporates regular movement through dog walks every two hours, avoids laptop use after 7pm, and bookends her days with reading.* Business sustainability: We touched on practical aspects like tracking hours (using Clockify), billing for meetings and travel, and gradually building a network of quality clients.The conversation highlighted our shared approach to mindfulness in creative work, emphasizing that setting boundaries isn't just self-protection but leads to better creative output and client relationships.Thank you for being my first guest and to everyone who shared their time with us! I encourage you to subscribe and learn more from Ula here: What's Next☀️ The Sober Creative is more than a newsletter.It’s a movement—and now, a growing community of creatives choosing clarity.✍️ Read the Essays (free)Stories and strategies for building a clear, intentional creative life without substances.🎙️ Join Clear Conversations (free)Live interviews with artists and entrepreneurs navigating sobriety and deep creative purpose.🧘 Try a Guided Meditation (free/paid)Short, powerful practices to reconnect with your creative voice and ground your nervous system.🌟 Go Premium (paid)Support this work and unlock full access:* Extended guided meditations* Exclusive live meditation sessions* Priority Q&A and community insightsBecome a paid subscriber for $8/month👥 Founding Members (paid)Founding members receive lifetime access, a 1:1 coaching session with me, and the opportunity to help shape the experience and future offerings of The Sober Creative—without changing its core mission.Join as a founding member for $240/year💬 Let’s connectBook a free coffee chat if you’re curious about coaching, community, or just want to say hey.🧭 Feeling ready?Explore Unfiltered Creation — a 90-day 1:1 coaching experience to align your work, sobriety, and purpose.Each step forward is an act of creative rebellion.Thanks for walking this path with me.JoshThanks for reading The Sober Creative! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe