Two Angry Immigrants Podcast

Our two heroes talk about the all-important subject of parenthood, from the point of view of their being Dads, on Mother's Day.   Public Service Announcement: don't waterboard babies.

You might be asking "aren't ALL of your episodes complete and utter bullshit?" but this one's...well, actually.   The boys talk Lizard People, The Whitey Awards, AI-invented fruit-based Soap Opera Slop (or "Fruit Slopera") quadriplegic corn hole pros committing murder, and the inconvenience of truth.  

Moon wears his best dashiki to the premiere of "Melania," Davey wonders why all Lugers look so old, everyone plans to boycott the World Cup, and there aren't too many people, but there might be too many really small, new-ish people.

Our two heroes open up the phone lines for their first-ever CALL IN SHOW!   Needless to say, absolutely nothing goes wrong. The number is up on your screen now - long distance charges apply.  

Our two heroes postpone the Roast to discuss their new oil tanker birthday present, The Shithole Country Olympics, whether or not sriracha belongs in society, office potlucks, and how every single one of us has  ****ed Bill Clinton's ****

Our two heroes discuss how to avoid catching a case for a 12" to the chest, MTG being the HBIC, the immanent exit of NYC's greatest comedic actor,  and their continued efforts to remain the Most Trusted Name in Escaped Primate News.     Oh and the date and deus are set:  The Two Angry Immigrants Roast of MoonTwoPointO and Davey P is HAPPENING.  Featuring the one and only Roast Master Megan Casada, and the imposing Deus of our longtime friends and roasters Kigami, Thomas Crown, Blair Hotchner, Nef, and Hiram Quesada.  Stay Tuned! 

Blair's back for PART 2!   That's right, we went on so long, we had to prolong... ..to discuss Bad Bunny's halftime appearance, Indigenous People's Day and its frightening lack of associated statues, and several other things that could get us canceled - if we weren't planning to make June 14th a national holiday.  

Our two heroes welcome a most coveted guest BLAIR HOTCHNER-HAYNES! She joins us to discuss putting fat generals out of a job, the lack of deported Fins, the quality of American Eagle jeans, and the importance of never, ever saying anything but nice things about the people in charge. 

Moon and Davey plan parades, ponder selling invisible statues, eagerly await for Raul to take their baby teeth away, get lost in airports like mice in a maze, enjoy boating safety tips from The Kardashians, and make a BIG SHOW ANNOUNCEMENT!   (Editor's Note: Announcement isn't really that big.)

Our heroes welcome back the very special guest MEGAN CASADA!   Moon hates on camera men at Coldplay concerts, Davey gets free racisms for life, and Megan's mom is proud of her...so the world is  clearly about to end.  

Moon explains the Diddy verdict, RIP stands for "Riding On Plane" and Davey ruins your heroes.  

Had enough of the news?  So have we.   Ever seen "Snakes On A Plane"?  Neither have we.   But, Davey hung out with his old friend Nikki Haley in line for a plane, and Moon can definitely identify good ol' fashioned racism when he sees it.   So let's talk about that sh*t instead.  

Our two heroes celebrate the emancipation of the world's most oppressed people, while acknowledging the many new members of another community, while hiding from closest thing we've seen to soccer hooliganism in the US of A.  

Our two heroes do their best not to get thrown in jail, while they discuss the happiest places on earth (Not Disneyland), the current anger toward cars (not the Disney movie), the poetry of Davey P (Disney, holler at me), Group Text Etiquette, and our collective inability to multitask - all while listening to YMCA in Finnish.  

Our two heroes celebrate the takedown of the Girl Scouts, dogs with criminal records, green and gold being different colors, white people renaming things, NYPD standing for "New York Pole Dancers" and Trump's presidential portrait.  

Moon tells more Men's Warehouse jokes than anyone else has ever thought up.  Davey takes another run at Luigi Mangione and his supporters.   And in the end, the winner is:  Google Ads.  

Our two resident idiots continue to...well, talk a lot about everything, including MIA nuclear experts, vegan humpback whales, Fidel Sanchez (definitely not his real name) and the berry pickers in Florida, how much fun we could all be having with 3D printed water guns, #MapBeefs, and how Davey's 3rd favorite person can...well,  **** outta here.  

Our two heroes return to discuss the mystery of the drones (it's solved...sort of), the Doomsday Clock continuing to tick (89 seconds to go), Harold and Kumar's trip to Guantanamo Bay (it's baaaaaack) and the plastic you find in everything (mostly in your balls). 

Our heroes kick off 2025 - the last year of all the years - by talking through who's REALLY eating cats, how Kanye has orcas looking stylish, how mass-immigration from the 51st state doesn't seem to be a problem, how old rappers are selling us everything, and how being good-looking absolves you from killing someone...FINALLY, we can start murdering.   It's about time.  

New music, new segments! Our two heroes return after a long and enjoyable birthday week, to elucidate the issues of the day:   Syria's rebel takeover, asteroids hitting the Earth at a moment's notice, Oxford University's inability to define what a "word" is, the presence of a man wearing a hoodie at every international incident,  and why Mayor Eric Adams needs to get the f*ck outta here.  

Our two heroes return!   We talk about the thing that's on everyone's mind:  those escaped monkeys in South Carolina.   Oh, and that election thing that just happened, too.  

Davey flies solo (yikes!) while Moon runs from the law (DOUBLE yikes!) and does a quick dish on women taking the rap, worms eating the brains of would-be leaders, and his vicious internal monologue (yet another yikes!).  

Our two heroes return to test out new segments, while taking note of the ticking of the doomsday clock, the en-white-lement of the free speech debate, and the all-new Joe Biden moon boots (coming to a SneakerCon near you).  

Our two heroes say a quick goodbye to 2023 with a run-down of some of the year's notables...and maybe a bit of T-Swift gossip.  

Our two heroes explain their recent absence, but ask our dear listeners to look to the future.... We'll be back before y'all can say "y'all are old."    

Our two heroes discuss suicide prevention travel agencies, crash test dummy virtue signaling, surgin' at the border and Chris Rock's ability to take a hit and bounce back, a year later. 

Our two heroes get serious for a second about mass shootings...then they get boring and uncool about blowin' shit up in the sky, clumsy at the thought of deporting MTG, and bold - you might even call them risk-takers - with their unenlightened interpretation of Stanford University's "Elimination Of Harmful Language Initiative."

Our two heroes discuss their pending Yerba Mate sponsorship, which batteries the atomic scientists are using in the Doomsday Clock, justifiable reasons to steal monkeys from zoos, how many classified documents Tom Brady has stashed at his house, and how The Egg Man is the new Weed Man.  

Our two heroes send off 2022 in style, reminiscing on their year's finest moments, lauding the naming of the James Earl Jones Theater, cursing the bomb cyclone, puzzling over Alex Stine's happenstance, boasting about being WAY out in front of Title 42, hating on the eyewear choices of US senators, and priding the people of Trinidad for their unwillingness to miss Carnival next year.  

Our two heroes are finally across the table from each other!   They share Johnnie Walker Blue to celebrate December Babies, tell the abridged story of the Merchant Of Venice, lament the pending employment struggles facing the Merchant Of Death, highlight the proper methods for tipping to avoid being judged, and get in a Twitter war with nobody 'cause that's just a waste of everybody's time.  

Our two heroes are thankful for the number 42, stowaway cats in luggage, stowaway marital aids in luggage, the truly rigged election (of a World Cup winner), and biases toward most things. 

Our two heroes return to celebrate Veteran's Day, elucidate the Midterm election results, emancipate Chinese lottery winners, and ameliorate Florida's abusive relationship.

We're back!!     Our two heroes discuss TV shows being the real podcasts, how Casa Migos will receive a public apology from Moon, how cable news networks can save everyone a lot of time, how Liz Truss is a fighter (until she isn't), how the FBI is the new cleaning service for the next season of Hoarders, how the Pentagon is racking up these Air Miles, how illegal immigrants are racking up these Air Miles, how TAIs will continue to provide breaking bee news coverage, and how angry old men just need to go get their groove back 'till they're done having a groove.  

A repost of our show from June 27, 2021 with our special guest and dear friend Carly Vena, who passed away suddenly last week.  It won't be the same without you.   https://www.pflegerfuneralhome.com/obituaries/Carly--Anne-Vena?obId=26009383&fbclid=IwAR1Jkt8LgdwPBw60-HpV8XpGnYoEbwzEwj5oGxY63mM1aybfmPbkJZnWAJQ#/obituaryInfo  

These two mentally underdeveloped men announce the release of their new book "101 Dead Queen Jokes", discuss the proper way to do laundry, their pending Ken Burns documentary, his pending FarmersOnly.com dating profile, and identify the endless myriad issues surrounding modern relationships.  

Our two heroes discuss Labour Day labor, Davey's idea for an animated series about an existentialist sea cow, Grand Theft Auto Life, why laws don't matter when you say they don't matter, and why every disgruntled employee will take everything that isn't tied down when they leave the job. 

Our two heroes discuss polling, holes to fill, what goes on in Moon's aunt's basement, how Ireland is not known for its chocolate, how immigrants are being hired to dig the trenches between America's political factions, how Afghanistan desperately needs help, how we need to ignore angry old white men, which Britney Spears song is Davey's favorite, and how Moon is an angry old black man who wants all the kids off his lawn.  

We're back!   Our two heroes discuss Coronas with lemons, making lanes on New York streets for tourists, breaking world records out of sheer boredom, a one-time Kevin Spacey impression, swapping Brittney Griner for Kyrie, and they issue a Public Service Announcement to keep everyone safe from monkey violence.  

These two deviants discuss angry cousins, the amount of moonwalking that still takes place today, R. Kelly's request for Girl Scout Cookies, Dunkin' Donuts and their unfortunate free coffee giveaway (white people only), America's greatest current attribute, China's interaction with aliens, and the raging debate about that one thing that makes everyone mad as hell.  You know the thing. Yes, that thing.

These two emotionally-challenged individuals discuss the final days of Covid restrictions, winning lawsuits again insurance companies over STDs, why things are so expensive, and how the rent is still too damn high.  

These two reckless individuals discuss the day's biggest issues, such as unicycle accidents, 10 million dollar accidents, human carnage accidents, accident prone accidents, delusional reality accidents, media influence accidents, Encyclopedia Brittanica accidents, and Stephen A. Smith censorship accidents.  

Our two heroes discuss monkeypox as a solution for abortion, Ted Cruz's intense jealousy of Pete Davidson, whether or not it's safe to go outside yet, why flags are signs of a sick mind, and Amazon's $60 milk crate racket.  

Our two heroes dish on the debate about that...uhhh...y'know...thing where women can't...yeah. And then we discuss Elon Musk letting...uhh...you know who...back on Twitter. And then we talk about mass migration to...uhh...y'know...that place.   And then we talk about...ummm...that thing...where people get killed by those...things.   Y'know...jokes.  

These two motherless sons of b*tches are back!   With a lot to catch up on, we discuss: KBJ on the bench, Amazon as the new Company Store, Geneva Convention handbags and why they're so fashionable, and dolphin teenagers doing drugs like the punks of the ocean that they are.   

Our "unsound" heroes welcome their first MYSTERY guest, MR. KIGAMI! While obsequiously fawning over our guest, we discuss: - A conveyor of conversation (so deep) - Moringa - The excellence of America's service members - Moringa - NYC's subway violence woes  - A bit more about moringa - Moon's 9AM trips to the liquor store, and why this can be his true happiness  - More moringa - A JetBlue pilot's trip to many bars before the cockpit - Our definite need for moringa - Who's leaving Ukraine, who's staying, who's not allowed to leave, who needs to get his bitch*ss back there - Yeah...moringa - Who put a cape on a goat?  And why?? - Moringa - Attempts to reform our treatment of drug addiction - Morgina - Why Dennis Rodman isn't being mobilized to rescue Brittany Griner - Buy moringa.  Go.  Right now.   Go buy moringa. 

These two deviants discuss: - not getting nuked yet - Ukraine - how Daisy Fuentes feels about Majorie Taylor Greene - Ukraine - what words mean, and how to use them - Ukraine - How the term is now "Being Spade-ish" - Ukraine - how gas prices actually work - Ukraine - How we should all carry around sunflower seeds to thwart our enemies - and maybe some more Ukraine 🇺🇦 

Our two heroes get lots of math wrong this week as they discuss: - The country that finished just ahead of the U.S. at the Olympics - Shout-out our brothers on the Trinidad & Tobago bobsled team - Raise awareness for Pride Flag theft in New Jersey - Ponder why Elton John's private plane can't handle wind, and - Wonder why people who invent countries overnight get praised for it.  

Black History Month/Super Bowl Sunday/Valentine's Day combo episode! This week, our two heroes share a few lesser-known contributors to Black History, debate the pending Super Bowl Champs (turns out - one of them was right), issue a Public Service Announcement for those who flush things down their toilets, discuss the pros and cons of attending a Sip & Paint, pull back the veil on the Canadian trucker protests, and encourage men to participate in Valentine's Day (just do it).  

Our two heroes welcome our very special guest NEFERTARIA! In our post-Groundhog Day episode, we get loose with the English language and 'postulate': The existence of whistlepigs and their unfortunate first names, the pending remake of The Sopranos using groundhogs in bowling shirts, Moon's "Lemon Guy" status, politically-correct smoothies, using the military to abscond with voting machines, wrestling matches over pieces of meat, vegan meals in NYC schools, Joe Rogan's review of "Planet Of The Apes" and Whoopi Goldberg's (pending) triumphant return from saying some seriously stupid things.  

This week, our two heroes discuss the prospective Washington Football Team name, the breaking of the World's Records for juggling, all of the ways the Long Island fake vaccine card scammers got it wrong, the UK's updated Covid travel restrictions, the pile of garbage that is "The Book of Boba Fett", and Carnival Light (aka "The Taste Of Carnival").