045 – This Child Will Find Me

Michael says he always knew he was adopted and spoke openly about it with anyone who expressed curiosity. However, when he launched his search, he didn’t feel like he could share those details openly with his adopted mother. When he found his birth mother, she told Michael she always knew he would find her. To continue his search for his birth father, she encouraged Michael to connect with his half-brother by another woman but forewarned Michael that his birth father didn’t know of his existence.&nbsp;But it turned out there was a lot more&nbsp;Michael’s father didn’t know… about himself.The post 045 – This Child Will Find Me appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Michael (00:05):She said before her mother passed away, she was saying, you should really find your, your, your sons. And I think she might've been looking on her own before she died, because her DNAs on 23 and me, and it's my number one hit.Damon (00:27):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Michael. He's a theater teacher in New Jersey. He says he always knew he was adopted and spoke openly about it with anyone who expressed curiosity. But when he launched his search, he didn't feel like he could share those details openly with his adopted mother, when he found his birth mother, she told Michael, she always knew he would find her to continue his search for his birth father. She encouraged Michael to connect with his half brother by another woman. But for warned Michael, that his birth father didn't know of his existence, it turned out there was a lot more that Michael's father didn't know about himself. This is Michael's journey. Michael grew up with three siblings, one adopted sister, three years older than himself and twin siblings born to his parents, whom they brought home from the hospital exactly two years to the day after they brought him home. Michael was so comfortable with how his family was formed. He openly shared that he's an adoptee with everyone. When he eventually found his birth parents, he went back to his adopted mother to ask when she actually told him he was adopted.Michael (01:59):People always ask me, when did you know, you know, how old were you when you found out you were adopted? And I, I don't remember being told that I was adopted. I, I just have always known. Um, and when I've spoken to, when this whole thing happened with my birth parents and I spoke to my adopted mother and I asked her, I said, when did you tell me? Cause I don't remember. I don't remember. And she said that they were taught, you know, through the adoption agency, you know, they, they were advised by them to tell, to tell me, as, as young, as even in the crib telling, you know, you're loved and you're, you're, you know, you you're special and all this stuff. And so I guess it just was always known to me, uh, and growing up, you know, I was very open about it.Michael (02:48):I, I, I guess, cause it, cause I'm an actor. I really don't have, I wasn't shy as a kid. Let's just say, so I would, I'd be with my, my brother, you know, in a playground and people would say, are, you know, are you, are you two brothers? And I'd say, yeah. And they say, how come you don't look anything alike? And I'd say I’m adopted. And I'm like seven years old, you know? And my mother would say, you don't have to tell people that. I said, well, why, you know? So it was just second nature to me.Damon (03:16):Yeah. You told me why wouldn't I tell other people?Michael (03:19):exactly. I mean, I get what the big deal was. Yeah.Damon (03:23):As he got older through high school and college, Michael continued to be open about his adoption, which seemed to fascinate whomever. He was talking to friends, girlfriends, and other people had so many questions. Like, do you ever want to find your birth family? But their line of questioning was always kind of strange for him. And he never wanted to explore their inquiries further. He just didn't want to go there. And it took him until he was 45 years old to do so I asked Michael what he would say to people about why he didn't want to search.Michael (03:56):I never really had an answer. I would always kind of downplay it. Like I, you know, I don't know. It's not something I think about or, you know, I would have some kind of, you know, dismissive remark that it really wasn't something I really was interested in. Yeah. Well I would say, yeah, you know, I think about it, but you know, and I would kind of, I wouldn't really engage any further in it and they'd say, well, you know, if they went any further, like, well, have you ever thought about, would you ever search? I go, I don't know. Maybe someday, you know, I never really took a definitive stance on it. And it's probably because I really didn't know. My answer was always, I don't know. I kind of never, I felt like I never really wanted to completely go there and really, really think about it because it's something that I was always with me. And I always kind of thought about it, but actually going and searching and finding, uh, you know, it, it took me till 45 years old to even go there.Damon (04:53):Wow. That's really fascinating. Michael added that, even though he didn't feel a strong desire to search, he was always protective of his adoptive mother's feelings too. He said she's a fairly sensitive person which played into his apprehension about the process. So I wondered if Michael didn't begin searching until he was 45 years old. What fired up his curiosity after avoiding the search for so long, he said that his parents divorced around the year 2000 and he was estranged from his adopted father for about 16 years. But when they reconnected one night over dinner, his father brought a story about his own brother Michael's uncle learning through ancestry.com that his father Michael's grandfather must have had two daughters out of wedlock. Michael's dad shared that he suddenly had half siblings and that got Michael thinkingMichael (05:45):that night I was driving home with my girlfriend and I said, ah, I wonder if I have any half siblings, I should, I should do ancestry. And that's kind of what led to it. Wow. Um, and now ancestry didn't lead me really anywhere other than for the first time I knew my ethnicity, which was kind of cool. what did you think you were previously and what did you learn that you wereMichael (06:11):well, um, growing up, when I used to ask my parents, what am, what am I? And my parents gave me this answer that always felt like it always felt like a stock answer, like a, like a fake answer. My father is, uh, half Irish and half Lithuanian. And my mother is a hundred percent Italian growing up. So my mom, when I would ask them this question, they would say you, uh, you're half Irish and half Italian, except your mother's Irish and your father's Italian. And I always thought that sounds like a, such a made up answer that they just switched. It.Damon (<a...