075 – I’m Good On My Own, I Know Who I Am

In her adopted family Tameko’s parents just assumed that as an adoptee, she was misbehaving, but when her older adopted brother showed up he actually started framing her for terrible things,&nbsp;trying&nbsp;force her out.&nbsp;Even worse, he abused her.&nbsp;On her search, she read a description of her birthmother that humanized her, but the first pictures Tameko saw online documented the hardening of a once beautiful woman.Read Full TranscriptTameko:&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;00:05&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;this is turning her into a real person and I’m like, I’ve never, I’ve never looked at my mom like that. It’s always somebody was always trying to make her seem like a bad person, so it seemed like my adoption was like this a great thing, which it was, but it’s like don’t make her look like a monster.Damon:&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;00:41&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who amq I? This is Who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and on., today’s show is Tameko. She called me from Seattle, Washington in her adopted family Tameko. Parents just assumed that as an adoptee she was misbehaving. But when her older adopted brother showed up, he actually started framing her for terrible things, trying to force her out even worse. He abused her. On her search. She read a description of her birth mother that humanized her, but the first pictures Tameko saw documented the hardening of a once beautiful woman. This is Tameko journey. Tamika was in foster care until she was adopted at about three years old.Tameko:&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;01:36&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;One day in the foster home I was in. I was like three , they were like oh, someone’s gonna come and take a look at you and I’m fine. they might want to adopt you and I was like, all right, cool, So they were like go take a nap. And I was like, wow. Now I’m excited. I went up to my room in my room and I, you know, and I’m kind of peeking around the corner and you know, finally, uh, someone knocks on the door and this, and they opened the door and this woman, this black woman, and I’m like, mom, because I’m, well, I’m black, but I’m that. I knew of at the time. So I was like, oh. And I was living in a foster home that a lot of white people, and it was Mormon.Damon:&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;02:26&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;You said you were living in a foster home that was predominantly white and it was Mormon, is that what you said?Tameko:&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;02:31&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;No, it was Mormon. Yes. So this was in uh a Utah Salt Lake City. I left that detail out. Gotcha. So, yeah, so me not seeing people of color day to day was kind of like, okay. And like the only person here. So when this woman comes to the door, who’s black? I’m like, “mom,” I’m thinking in my head, that’s the first thing that came to head. I had was this is my mother like, and I think that’s why it’s like embedded in my mind. I was like, oh my God, this woman, are you coming to get me? Like I’ve always, you know, dreamt, you were going to come, you know? And I thought that this woman was my mother. So of course my mother now is like, yeah, I couldn’t deny you at that point I have to take you home.Damon:&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;03:16&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Tameko remembers the day they left the foster home in Salt Lake City to drive to Seattle in the car where her younger brother Kevin, who was about a year old and her older sister, Kendra, who was about nine years old, they’re biological children to to goes mother, who decided to adopt because she wanted another child. And she knew that not many black children were being adopted in those days, especially in that part of the country. After two years in foster homes. I asked what she felt like going to this new home.Tameko:&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;03:50&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;I felt as if like this is where I was supposed to be like this was it. You know. and um, everything seemed cool.Damon:&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;03:57&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She said she didn’t remember having behavioral issues per se, noting she probably had some of the same issues. Any kid has it around that age. You’ve got a toy. There’s only one of them and I want it, but her mother tells a different tale, like the time Tameko allegedly tried to push her brother out of the window, which she says is not true.Tameko:&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;04:17&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;My mom knew from the paperwork, I think she was Kinda like, prejudging me, you know. She’s going to do this, so I gotta be on the watch out for like what she’s going to do. There’s also information in there that said that my mom, was paranoid schizophrenic my biological mom, she was on guard, yeah, I totally get it. I mean I’m a mom now, so I get it, but it’s like giving me a chance.Damon:&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;04:50&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Sounds like you felt like you were prejudged as guilty or assumed. I assumed guilty before, you know, assumed innocent. Right, and did that happened a lot throughout your life there.Tameko:&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;05:06&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;It did and it affected my mom and my, Our relationshipDamon:&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<a...