078 - He Didn't Understand a Hammer

CHARLES STAR and ROBERT WHEEL pair up for a HOLIDAY DATE (2019) and: Act cool in the hardware store ... THEME ... Patty and Shelby shout ... Truly vs. Claw ... Foremost Jewish thinkers ... Hallmark's first "Hanukkah" movie ... Unfamiliar with Christmas AND Hanukkah ... Jeb screws up the actor name ... BREAK ... Cast rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... "Plot in Philly" ... Bad fake architect, bad everything ... "I've never had ham" ... Jewish prayers and phlegm ... Insulting to Christians ... Prayer horn ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: Theological soundness and/or Teryl Rothery ... Classic Lines: The Emo Philips/Anna Wintour continuum; old things are better ... Eat Your Heart Out: Jelly donuts, the Israeli import; sour cream AND apple sauce; asshole restaurant set; Ethan's Nick Swisherness and rehabilitation; is Ethan a sit-wiper; bagels and lox; Israeli salad; tzimmes; Ashkenazi-Sephardic schism ... Bobby's goodbye ... BREAK ... Plugs ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Vivica Fox's white-slavery goth-conversion boutique ... Overdetermined: Father's gruff exterior; the family's anthropological interest in his Jewishness ... Charles visits Indiana at Christmas ... Eating all the popcorn ... Actors aren't criminals ... BREAK ... Shtetl Pass ... Crossover: Scarecrow and Mr. Grunt; the Waiting for Guffman 'verse ... Immigrant/exchange student vibes ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Joel, hands down; not understanding a hammer or method; Glen's humiliation relationship ... Great Moments in Moppetry: 2 ... Rating: 1 ... BREAK ... The Leftovers: Terrible acting advice ... Written at a child's level ... Amy Klobuchar jokes ... Dad's hysterically joyful weeping ... Doesn't understand theater ... Phillies, Eagles, 76ers ... "A very troubling year for this player" ... Menorah gift ... Interfaith Spencer's gift ... Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah! ... • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "Shlepp the Halls with Loaves of Hallah," by The Three Weissmen • "Latkes" by Sam Glaser • "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen," by The Klezmonauts • "We Wish You a Klezmer Christmas," by Lauren Bernofsky • "(I'm Spending} Hanukkah in Santa Monica," by Tom Lehrer • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane