089 - The 2017 Dodge Grand Caravan

We wish for no more of THE BIRTHDAY WISH (2017) and instead want: Brian Williams to say "Leonard Cohen" ... The Three Canadians You Meet in Heaven ... THEME ... Governors and Dhalsim ... The city is healing ... Uptight at a Hallmark movie ... Busy for Hallmark ... Happy returns to mediocrity and confirmation bias ... Mackey Sasser and Mickey Tettleton (again) ... BREAK ... Cast rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot mop-up ... Fun ensemble acting and characters ... Wise producer Bruce ... Strange Snowpiercer ... Russian Criminal Minds and Perry Mason ... Raymond Burr's breathing ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: Optometrist ... Have bigger time-travel goals ... Eat Your Heart Out: Fried pickles; alfalfa sprouts on a sandwich; happy food dance; lived-in family moment; new to s'mores; afraid of street pretzels; nouvelle cuisine, extra sprouts; scallop puck with fish cake; one finger of still champagne; 2/3 of a beer pitcher; ribs, chicken, slaw, cornbread and kale pu pu platter with 3/4 lemonade ... Leering Black Hole Sun-style ads ... BREAK ... Plugs and sales tax! ... Letters to Santa: Marc Blucas; Andy @StudyOfSport Elrick's first two NBA Hallmark screenplays; let's remember some guys! ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: It's always wet and cold here vs. Pumpkin Pie Wars news ... BREAK ... Overdetermined: Planning everything since your dad dies; canyoning; bucket list; big budgets ... Crossover: Soapdish and Hoopie vs. Alex's newscaster role in San Andreas ... Dante's Peak vs. Volcano ... The Swagony of Defeat: 2017 Dodge Grand Caravan; this isn't what I drive; room in the van; great technology and features; White Collar analogy (again!); Tim Allen ... Brian Williams and our weapons ... BREAK ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: Not even close ... Rating: 3-ish ... The Leftovers: Julie Sherman Wolfe, the machine ... Peter DeLuise as Bill Stamos ... Money Plane and extra Lawrences ... Swole Lawrence ... John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt ... Preakness poseurs ... Journey's "Patiently" ... Forlorn Nut ... 45 SPF ... Uninvited video chat ... 666 Drafts folder ... Merry Christmas! • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "First We Take Manhattan," by Leonard Cohen • "Perry Mason Theme," by The Blues Brothers • "Black Hole Sun," by Cibo Matto • "Here Comes the Money," by WWE and Jim Johnston • "Ride of the Valkyries," courtesy of the BBC • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane