100) What If Your Surrogate Changes Her Mind?

It is the question every gay intended parent is afraid to ask: What happens if your surrogate changes her mind? At 20 weeks, one surrogacy journey became the nightmare nobody believed would happen. The contracts were signed. The difficult decisions had been discussed. Everyone appeared to agree—until they didn’t. In this episode, Richard and Julio move past the headlines and ask what same-sex couples actually need to know before trusting another person to carry their baby. Can a contract really protect you? What should be agreed before matching? What happens if your surrogate crosses state lines, refuses a medical decision or tries to claim parental rights? And if neither father is genetically related to the baby, are you still protected? Richard draws on his experience helping more than 4,000 people create families through surrogacy to explain what reduces the risk, what warning signs matter and which conversations cannot be avoided. Because when two fathers depend on a surrogate, an egg donor, an agency and several different legal systems, “it probably won’t happen” is not enough. You signed the contract. You trusted the agency. You believed everyone wanted the same thing. Then your surrogate changes her mind. For same-sex couples, this is not just a disagreement. Neither father gave birth. An egg donor may be involved. The surrogate may live in another state. The intended parents may live in another country. Suddenly, the family you spent years creating could depend on contracts, genetics and laws you thought had already protected you. In this episode: • Can your surrogate legally keep your baby? • Can a contract control what happens during pregnancy? • What if she refuses a previously agreed termination? • Could travelling to another state change your parental rights? • What happens when neither father is genetically related to the child? • How should gay couples choose and screen a surrogate? • Which conversations must happen before the match? • When should the agency intervene? • Who pays if the birth happens somewhere unexpected? • How common is this nightmare in real surrogacy journeys? CHAPTERS 00:00 What if your surrogate changes her mind? 02:22 A contract cannot control someone’s body 04:38 The diagnosis nobody could have predicted 06:48 Every intended parent’s worst fear 09:12 When outside organisations enter your journey 11:26 What if neither father shares the baby’s genetics? 13:50 Choosing the right surrogate 16:04 Why the agency must protect the relationship 18:29 Crossing state lines—and who pays the medical bills 20:45 How one crisis can become a public campaign 22:45 After 4,000 families, how likely is this? If you are planning surrogacy—or already matched—this is the conversation to hear before a crisis begins. Follow IVF Daddies on Spotify and send this episode to another intended parent. Shop IVFDADDIES https://www.ivfdaddies.com/shop Evidence behind this episode Sources: • AP, Live Action funded the travel: https://apnews.com/article/surrogate-baby-mckenna-west-texas-207b58c36b8f53dd0ab23e0dc2afaa3a • KERA, contract and court testimony: https://www.keranews.org/government/2026-08-26/mckenna-west-surrogacy-case-dallas-texas-alaska-california • Texas Tribune, court filings and case chronology: https://www.texastribune.org/2026/08/12/texas-surrogacy-california-alaska-parental-rights/ • Live Action finances, approximately $15.7 million annual revenue: https://projects.propublica.org/nonprofits/organizations/421764425 • CDC information on hypoplastic left heart syndrome: https://www.cdc.gov/heart-defects/about/hypoplastic-left-heart-syndrome.html The proceedings were continuing when this episode was recorded. The discussion contains our interpretation of publicly reported events, not a final legal determination.