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Tickets to the general public June 30th at somethingworthknowing.com So come build a better world with us on September 16th and experience something worth knowing. You can get your ticket at Complexly.info slash something. Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John the 100th episode Extravaganza Spectacular. So as I first think of the 100th episode Extravaganza Spectacular of Dear John and Hank.
It's comedy podcast for me and my brother John answer your questions. Give me the music I bring you all the weeks for both Mars and AFC, Wimbledon John. How are you doing on our 100th episode? I'm doing well.
I apologize for taking a couple weeks off but as you know Hank I have been signing my name over and over again because I'm signing 200,000 copies of my new book Turtles All the Way Downcoming on October 10th anywhere you buy books. Also I wanted to let you know Hank there's a new website. It's a hot new website. Everybody's going there.
Some people say it's the biggest new website to hit the internet in many years and do you know what the URL is? What is it John? Probably signed turtles.com a guide to getting a probably signed pre-order of my book Turtles All the Way Downings. Probably signed turtles.com.
Here's an amazing fact that's going to blow your mind. Okay. No one had ever attempted to register the website probably signed turtles.com ever before. So John in like 10 years are you going to still be up keeping probably signed turtles.com and if so is it just going to be like we'll send you a turtle it may or may not be signed by John Green?
Yeah no we're going to change our business model actually to probably signed turtles. There's a 60% chance that you will get a turtle in the mail signed by me on the shell and then there's a 40% chance that you're just getting a turtle. Well what if there's like a 40% chance you get nothing? That's just gambling I guess.
It's probably signed a turtle but there's a 40% chance that I'm just going to steal your money. How are you Hank? I'm good right before I was doing this as you know I'm very busy. I've a lot to do so I hate it when people complain about being busy.
I spent nine hours a day signing my name over and over again but do I complain about being busy? I've watched every second of the Tour de France. I've I would argue that I've participated more in the Tour de France than some of the people who are biking in the Tour de France. I have suffered with them Hank.
I have crawled up the Pyrenees and the Alps with them while signing my name over and over again but do I whine about being busy? No. Well John if you hadn't interrupted me then I would have been able to make a funny joke about how instead of being busy I was watching competitive tag. Oh my god I was also just watching competitive tag.
You clearly browse the same website probably signed turtles.com where you can find all kinds of wonderful social media. Oh competitive tag is amazing. Yeah well I mean the thing is it's not called competitive tag of course because all tag is competitive. There's no non-competitive tag but there's this there's a sport and it's like free running combined with tag where these two fit individuals run at each other and try to touch.
One of them tries to not get touched and it's and I think they have like 15 seconds. It's actually apparently it's pretty hard to not get touched and it is an amazing feat and I watched like this GIF of it and then I was like I need to watch lots of that and luckily I was able to find some videos of competitive tag tournaments and you know John I think that the sports we have right now are okay but I think that they are of another era and that we really do need ESP and the Ocho to come along and show us the sports that like wait a second why aren't these the sports? I mean I certainly agree with the ESP in the Ocho because I don't know how else we're gonna get third tier English soccer onto American cable. I just I mean I just have to like I don't like when I watch things like competitive tag I'm like why even is their baseball like I like sure that's very hurtful to all our baseball fans fans and I just want to say to those fans we support you 100 percent speaking of 100 percent I did not prepare a short poem for the day so can we move right into questions from our listeners.
Yeah you got one for me? I do it's from Savannah I just feel like this is one of those it's a time sensitive question because she said it in three weeks ago and I feel like if we wait any longer to answer it Savannah's gonna be in a really tight spot. Dear John and Hank how do I politely tell a friend who is over at my house that they need to go home now? Much love Savannah.
I hope that the friend is it like still there? I suspect they are. Is that what you're imagining? In my experience it's very difficult to tell someone who doesn't know when it's time to leave but it's time to leave.
Yeah I mean there's all these like cute little signals what I'm actually that well there's all these cute little signals that people do they're like are they like stand up from the thing and they start washing the dishes and like clear clear signs. None of that works. I have some like I don't know what they are they're relations of my wife they're old people and when it is when they feel that that feeling what they say is well it's time to go to bed so these people can go home. That's a good one.
I have a different strategy which is that I start referencing media that I think will communicate my message but hopefully in a subtle way. So for instance I would say hey have you guys seen that really great new movie Get Out? It's an amazing film. It's funny it's scary it's really surprisingly smart.
Get Out is the name of the movie. Another one that I've tried is hey do you remember that Jack Nicholson movie The Departid? That's a good one to use and then the last one that I like to make sure to use sometimes is there's a I say like I don't know if you guys have ever read the Sartre play no exit but it's a really good play and in it there's no way for people to get away from other people and that turns out to be literally hell. Okay I think this is I think we've covered the ground.
My advice start doing the dishes. John's advice just yell at them in the middle of talking about other things. There's a great new HBO show actually just wrapped up it's called The Leaved Tovers. Is it?
No it's called The Leftovers but I'm willing to make a strange pun to get people out of my house if necessary. This next question that we have comes from Ryan John it's not actually Ryan it's just an anonymous person. Hello dear Hank and John. I was watching your video on the US extraction from the Paris Climate Agreement and I was wondering how all this data on climate change is even found most of my family denies that climate change exists and they always ask me that.
I can't answer them well because I have no idea. I just don't know how the information is gathered to multi-slically confused in Texas. Namely they did replace with Ryan. How do we know Hank that climate change is real?
What is climate science? Tell me more. I don't know anything about these things. Well I mean how we know climate change is real is a pretty broad deep all over question like we know it from you know ecology we know it from physics we know it from biology climate science which is its own thing.
There's a lot of basically oftentimes with things like this you have a lot of different phenomena explained by the same thing and that is why there's so much consensus around climate change. But in terms of that actually how the data is collected I think that's a really interesting question where you're like well it seems like the temperatures are going up but how do we know that? Like just a bunch of people with thermometers out there being like well today it was 92 and then writing that down on a piece of paper and tying it to a raven and sending it off to the citadel? No.
We have a number of different ways that we do that. We have satellites that do it and do it pretty well on a sort of like broad everywhere scale. They can tell how warm the like and they can tell like how warm different parts of the earth are or of the atmosphere are. We also have weather balloons that go up every single day hundreds of them in America weather balloons that shoot up through the atmosphere and take readings all the way through the atmosphere.
So we're not just measuring the temperature on the surface of the earth but also through the atmosphere and then those weather balloons pop and the things fall to the earth they break and we never use them again. We do that hundreds of times every day. We also have of course ground-based stations that have been collecting temperature data for a long long long long time. So we know that the earth is getting warmer but do we know that humans are causing the earth to get warmer and do we know that if the projections about how warm the earth is going to get are correct?
Well John I thought it wasn't Ryan's question first of all. I know but I'm trying to see things from Ryan's family's perspective. Yeah well that's the thing like with conversations like these if you want to be a climate scientist you have to be a climate scientist. So in order for me to answer those questions like fully and accurately and deeply like there are entire departments at many universities that are dedicated to those questions which is why it's like well at a certain point maybe we trust that you know not well-paid people who are doing this for a living like it's their job and their passion.
The consensus is yes climate change is happening. It's of course very difficult to project precisely what the earth is going to look like in 50 years and how warm the atmosphere will be and which is why there's a range of guesses but all of the guesses are hotter than it is right now and the upper level ones are pretty bad and pretty scary which is why it would be nice if we just sort of like agreed that it was a problem and do many of the things we're already doing to help solve for it which is create more efficient vehicles, create electric power vehicles, start using more renewable energy, burn less and less and less and less coal which everyone's doing now because it's becoming less economically viable to burn coal when natural gas is more efficient and increasingly easy to get and also when renewables are becoming more economically viable which is very very exciting and that like isn't just great for like moving us ushering us forward into having you know billions of people on a planet and being able to sustain that planet but also like you know making power less expensive for people and you know as these things get more efficient and cheaper that's good for everybody. Yeah I mean the only thing I'd add to that Hank is that we have to if you don't believe in expertise you cannot navigate the world like if you do not acknowledge and allow for other people's expertise if you don't allow for the expertise of physicists you cannot get in a car and trust that it will not crash. Yeah we trust experts all the time every day it is only when what the experts say is inconvenient to us that we suddenly find ourselves saying but wait why are we trusting the experts?
Yes wait explain to me exactly how all data is collected in this in this search and you know and when you know when you have an incomplete picture it's uh it's suddenly really fun and feels really easy to poke holes um and uh yeah and that that is the problem that we have right now. That is a big that I would argue that is our biggest problem as a species at the moment well I don't know it's probably still malaria um okay this question comes from Ali who writes Dear John and Hank in a recent episode of the podcast Hank made an offhand remark about joshing your partner who was the josh for whom this term was coined and what did he do to earn such notoriety etymology and earthquakes Ali. Hank do you know do you know which josh you were referring to? No I mean I know I mean the term joshing is not I didn't make it up or anything you didn't make it up.
It must be some josh. It was it was probably some josh but we also don't know which josh it was originally referring to it was first used in 1845 but we do know that the word didn't become popular until it was associated with this American humorous from the 19th century josh billings you ever heard of him it was like sort of a no it was like the poor man's marked wane and today even today he is the poor man's marked wane but he is responsible for a lot of quotes that we uh here although he never said them in like quite the pithy way that they are today remembered he's one of those people yeah so he did write uh but the wheel that does the squeaking is the one that gets the grease which is not quite this week he gets the grease exactly he's he's almost got there that's the thing well when you're writing um you're not like you're not trying to create an aphorism like you're trying to like you're trying to like it's part of a larger document and you say well actually if you're josh billings you literally were trying to create aphorisms he just wasn't quite he wasn't quite there he's got another great quote that you might recognize um as in a game of cards so in the game of life we must play what is dealt to us and the glory consists not so much in winning as in playing a poor hand well which is a beautiful quote but not quite as good as play the hand play the cards that you're dealt i love josh billings i this is my new favorite guy you should make a video on on the things that he said that got that got pithified and became joshier so there is a josh billings quote that is one of my favorite quotes of all time hank that i that is a proper pithy quote and i do not know why it has not become like one of the major american uh aphorisms because it is just in my opinion so perfect there is no revenge so complete as forgiveness ah yeah that's true that's that's yes totally absolutely but not but but i understand why it hasn't become a thing because nobody wants to hear that i guess that's true i want to hear that i'm playing the hand i was dealt and i want to hear that like that squeaky guy over there keeps getting creased while nobody's paying attention to me but what i don't want to hear is forgive your enemies that's true it's also the part of the gospel that gets quoted the least i find i uh do you think we all kind of have a josh like is everybody has a josh in their life who's a joshier do you what when you name your child josh do you just sort of have to expect oh you mean like a josh is a joshier yeah like josh sunquist is probably my joshier uh no i feel like the joshies in my life are not more or less funny than any of the other people in fact i feel like the biggest like joshier in my life is chris waters and his name is chris in fact i would argue that i we should call it christing well apparently should call it marking because josh billings was just the the poor man's mark twain the truly truly poor here's another one the lion and the lamb may possibly sometime lay down in this world together for a few minutes but when the lion comes to get up the lamb will be missing almost there i mean you need to distill it a little you're getting there just like you you my friend josh billings are in need of an editor editor the quality of john green apparently or just of time yeah time will do the work time is the best editor time is the best editor so there's there's your history of joshing um which reminds me hank that today's podcast is brought to you by josh billings josh billings i think mostly out of print these days but um probably nonetheless available online my guess is yeah i mean the nice thing is i feel like that's and josh was josh billings like pre copyright yes everything's in the public domain so we could potentially john you and i put out like a collection of josh billings work and not have to pay anyone for it that is correct it's just what the world needs hank and john bring you the unedited work of josh billings oh uh yeah i mean well also i got to say this guy's got really great hair on his chin and head yeah he was he was a beautiful man um especially in terms of his hair actually yeah he's a good looking dude this podcast is also brought to you by climate science models climate science models they're here they're here get they just get used to it also this podcast is of course brought to you by the uh wonderful new movie get out it's a world it's great you should go see it um at your house it is available for rent at your home right now please go there get out did you know john that they uh that there is uh one that with the longest word you can type with just one hand is i do oh what is it liar you can't just say i do it not know and start googling it it's rupture word you googler wait that's not even right that's not even right gosh dang it google well i mean it really it depends on what you count a word uh after cataracts apparently is a word after cataracts is not a word that's a ludicrous i agree after after cataracts is clearly two words cataracts is an impressively long one though whenever i type the word garage which i do often when i'm opening up garage band to just how i record this podcast i'm always like whoo didn't need that right hand at all and it's a surprisingly good feeling uh but but but using just the right hand for for me for some reason feels really wrong i'm surprised that you can spell monopoly with one hand that's a shock to me well yeah there are there are more there are longer ones with the left hand than with the right hand which is interesting i'm not really sure what that's about yeah um teeter totter all one one hand all the all the left hand oh really yeah what about the oh in teeter totter you know john i think maybe your keyboard looks a little different for mine oh really is your is your oh over there on the left is it was it where my cue is i think you might be looking at the queue and seeing an oh yeah i know that's that's where my oh is i switched it because i was like the queue that doesn't belong there aggregated stewardesses oh stewardesses i want to type down i'm having a great time there oh yeah that's crazy rupture what was this tesser tesser a decades tesser a decade tesser decades is a very that's a very mar in my opinion an extremely marginal word it's a group of fourteen right but i mean if we're talking about words that everybody uses in regular conversation well it's not like a dozen like it's like a dozen but with fourteen a group like there are tesser decades and tesser decades of them yeah like i said i'm gonna i'm gonna you know what i think we should move on from this bit all right okay here's another question it comes from annaly who asks dear hank and john i work at a jimmy johns and recently while i was cleaning tables by our big front windows i watched a bug ram his little body to the glass from the outside several times before just landing and chilling on the window for a while this makes me wonder do bugs understand glass our windows are constant perplexing struggle in their daily bug lives sandwiches and spiders and i will go out at least the bug was on the outside of the jimmy johns that's i have a theory that i think can i tell you my theory okay sure oh my gosh you have a theory about it what a shock well as you know i'm not a scientist but i am a person who makes statements with a lot of confidence regardless of whether they're correct oh yep yep me too i don't think that bugs understand what glasses i don't think they get the idea of glass but i think that there is enough reflection off the glass almost always that they recognize that it is a barrier of some kind uh i think that they can and cannot um so i there are there are some types of glass that bugs will see better and probably the glass of the jimmy johns is uv coated and bugs i think i think can mostly see in the uv range and so we'll see that there that there is something there it won't look totally transparent to them like it looks to us um so probably probably but at the same time like a bug's not gonna do that to a wall it's not just gonna like bang bang bang against a wall right right well unless it really i guess it's because there's light that it wants to get to i mean like in our house for instance at night there's always like a wall of moths against the windows trying to get inside because there's light inside and they think it's the moon or whatever it bugs are not very smart and i often think about like i anthropomorphize them a little bit and i think like man it must be so weird being a bug and like going around the human world and just being like why have these people built all this crap why do they need all this stuff to support their little lives why do i put the lights inside a box that i can't get through why did i do that yeah like also like why have they created why do they live in that much space like why have they made that much inside when like you only need a tiny amount of inside because in a bugs opinion like outside is so enjoyable i just think we must look so weird to bugs i mean i think we would look weird to bugs if bugs thought about anything the thing i got to say to Emily as as a person who understands the tiniest amount about bug behavior bugs don't understand windows because bugs don't understand anything understanding is a pretty high order thing you know what i've been thinking about recently hank no slightly related to this topic we're gonna get off it a little bit it's really really hard to go from like a single celled life to multi-cellular life and then of course it's like hard to go like the layers of complexity increase and everything but i actually think that if we went extinct i'm not an evolutionary biologist as you might know but i actually i feel like if we went extinct it wouldn't be that long until a really smart species came along again possibly even smarter than us because i don't think we've set a particularly high bar i i don't think it would be that long because i think like given that life tends to grow more complex and more diverse over time once we extinctify ourselves which as you know i think is like a 1000 to 2000 year event probably but if we could make it past that i think we can be good for a while anyway i just think that like it's the hard part we already did by getting to multi-cell your life yeah no i think you are absolutely correct i don't know that it would be fast in terms of how we think about fast but we would definitely be fast and no millions of years like fast in terms of evolutionary biology like there was like a billion years where it was just single-cell life and then from dinosaurs to now it's like 65 million the the and also there are a lot of other smart animals on the planet right now we learn over and over again and that's things that are similar to us like you know monkeys but also a little bit different from us like dolphins and also very very different from us like like cephalopods like we are like continuously shocked by how smart octopuses are so yeah i think you mean octopods but i i oh no i think you mean i'm gonna stick with my original pronunciation octopods i just i'm saying that that is correct and also octopodies is correct so that's just the way that i pronounce it it's like gift and gift the um actually according to the internet only you are correct i don't i don't care at all i don't think that i'm not i'm not gonna i'm not gonna fight that one really but i'm glad you looked it up um yeah that that yeah i think like that that leap that we made is a big leap but i don't think that we would be the last species to make it if we stop existing i think that it would be very hard to have human stuff existing completely uh i mean it's not gonna be that hard i think it'd be very easy to have most human stuff existing and for a lot of civilization to stop existing a lot of technology to stop existing but yeah i mean i i think it'd be pretty hard to get rid of all people we're we're uh well we are just good at surviving i mean you say that about a species that's been around for 250 000 years we're one of the least successful extant species in the world in terms of in terms of years on the planet but in terms of uh speed with which our biomass and biomass that we control it has increased uh we are the most successful species on the planet yeah but let me ask you a question Hank if you're a youtuber would you rather be the kind of person who built like a massive audience really really quickly or would you rather be the kind of person who like had slow and steady growth over years and years you're right john i would rather be you know wheezy waiter if then you know like somebody who says dab before dabbing yeah to each their own john uh indeed no i i'm just saying like i think that uh if we're a species that has grown quickly that may just mean that the other side of the mountain will also be steep um yeah i just think that i think that getting to zero is gonna that's gonna flatten out a lot but that's just me and that's just where i'm at john man i think we could get to zero very very quickly you know what the funny thing is we're never gonna get to settle this bet because if i'm right i won't even be around to gloat and if you're right you will be so actually i probably won't be we'll probably both won't make it but i just i don't have a friend who are like survivalists you know they have they like have bow and arrows and intense no survivalists are not going to do any better than the rest of us when this stuff comes down because you can't be a survivalist from like the super cholera that kills us all right sure i mean i guess if it's super cholera um i hope it's not super cholera john that doesn't sound like any fun at all well what are you hoping it is i'm hoping it's nothing i mean what are you rooting for nuclear apocalypse a huge explosion of the yellowstone volcano what my imagining of the apocalypse is just sort of a breaking down of systems so like the idea that it all happens at once to me doesn't really work it's it's like suddenly like the trucks with the gasoline stop coming and then when the trucks with the gasoline stop coming then the trucks with the food stop coming and then when the trucks with the food stop coming people start stabbing each other right okay but i don't know that i totally agree with that by the way i think that i i don't i don't buy the nasty brutish in short vision of the state of nature but my question is what causes the trucks to stop coming and the answer is almost invariably super cholera like some some disease that is ravaging people and that does not care whether you own a bow and arrow or not do you disagree what i mean john if we're gonna like we have i think on deer hank and john done a fairly good job of covering possible apocalypse scenarios i just don't feel like we need to spend any more time on it all right i will say the last thing i want to say on this topic though hank is that um you have convinced me to become a person who has a large amount of water sitting in the basement um i have a two week supply of water sitting in the basement so that i can watch the world burn for two weeks before i go and join the zombie hordes uh i will say that the u.s government suggests that you have three uh three days worth of water and food for every member of your household and i think that's a really good and not crazy and not doomsday prepper kind of thing to do and if you want to up that to a week or two that's also fine it's not uh it's not a huge uh square footage commitment in in your house i would assume but um but yeah i think that like when i think about those that three days supply i'm like you know like why the u.s government wants that is because it takes three days to like really mount a significant emergency response and if in those in those three days people are more or less taken care of that makes everyone's job so much easier and i really like i honestly do think that everyone should have three days supply of food and water for a member of their household so i got i got to go home and make sure i got 12 days of water per the u.s government suggestion three let's get to another question for you yes good good good good this question comes from jenny who asks uh deer hank and john the school year is coming to an end and i'm full of the usual feelings of excitement sorrow and nostalgia this year something else i have a teacher who i really like and will really miss next year and i want her to know how much i enjoyed the classes i took with her on the last day i'll be in her class last so it will be a nice end but i don't know how i know i'll feel awkward doing it but i really want to how do i tell my teacher in a meaningful way how much i enjoyed her class reading in history jenny really sorry jenny that this answer came after the school year ended yeah great work john and hank but for everybody else who this might help and also maybe jenny could do something retrospectively i mean here's the thing you always feel awkward saying that stuff or it makes you uncomfortable or makes you nervous you think you're gonna make an idiot out of yourself but the thing that your teacher probably wants more than anything is to know that she has made a difference in the lives of her students and to tell her that is not an inconvenience to her it is a gift to her yeah i i mean i my guess is that a card will be literally a million times more than she's ever gotten before and that's not literally a million times no infinite a million cards might be a million times more no i don't know that i don't know that the listener can necessarily afford a million cards nor in fact am i completely convinced that the teacher would like to receive them i mean hank you throw around big numbers but you don't know what they're what they actually mean until you sign 200,000 sheets of paper you don't know how many a million is but what i would only be one fifth of the way to sign a million cards what i what i meant to say what i was intending to get across is that it will it will be infinitely more because she will never have even received a card before and like that like i certainly never thought deeply or hard enough to to thank my teacher in a in any way at the end of the school year and so taking the time to do that and to just like like write some stuff in a card in just hand like you don't have to like be face to face and all like weird and uncomfortable about it because that's probably going to be weird and uncomfortable though if you can pull it off 100 percent do it but it's easier to write some words down in a card and hand it to them and say thank you so much or send it to them since maybe you've missed your opportunity to hand it in the last day of class but yeah and i mean i've received a few of those cards over the years and i have to say i've kept them all and sometimes i still read them and they make me cry and um and it sounds like this teacher has had a much more meaningful impact on your life than i've had on anybody so um yeah i think you should i absolutely think you should say something and i also think that you should um put it in a card i agree with hank 100 but don't put it in a million cards no put it in a million cards and if you want to you could also do any kind like you could give them a book that you really love you could give them um you know a bumper sticker like any old thing is gonna feel is a nice thing you don't have to like you don't have to overthink this next question comes from millicent who writes dear john and hank next semester i have class with a writer i've loved for years i read her first book of short stories in 2010 when they came out and now she teaches at my college and i'm picking screenwriting with her the only words i've said to her face so far are oh my god this is so embarrassing i love you i've interacted with her several times since this moment but i've never managed to breathe long enough to speak oh boy how do i learn to chill always your friend millicent p s that's how he way signed off his letters although he wasn't always your friend so um that's a it's a curious irony i guess in hemmingway's life so hank this is a field in which we have a little bit of experience on both sides of the coin definitely have i told my meal game and story on the podcast before john probably but tell it again i was backstage at the uh one year anniversary of the release of the falp nurse stars where we did our karnigee hall show yeah and and meal game and came to do a dramatic reading of a scene um and there were a bunch of other great people there kimidossen and john daniel and hanna and grace were there we had a fantastic time and i was signing posters backstage and neil gaiman came and sat down next to me and i was like uh freaking out freaking out 100% freaking out and uh and he like told me a whole story about how the first time we met and i'm using air quotes because at that point like i was just in his signing line and and i had him like deliver a message to john and say good morning john uh at a show or a reading that he did in montana and um he signed a book and uh he did this whole story about how like he told me this whole thing it was like heart felt and like like about how just before that show his dog had died and that there like that had been a really important show for him to like keep working and moving and doing stuff and and like and feeding off of the the positive feelings that his uh community and audience had for him and uh and i just sat there and i was like uh huh uh huh yep yep uh huh and i couldn't i couldn't say anything i couldn't do anything i couldn't talk about any of the dogs that i've known that have died i couldn't i could not relate at all or speak in sentences to him and still have never ever been able to like have a normal conversation and i think i feel like that super sucks for neil right right yeah no i think it does i mean i what i think is weird is that some people i really really admire i can talk to like normal people and some people i can't and it doesn't have anything to do with them you know it is entirely about me like when i see patrick rothfus or talk to patrick rothfus on the phone i love his work i think he is an actual genius and i can talk to him like a normal person or when i talk to jackaland woodson who i think is you know like one of the great geniuses of children's book writing ever i can talk to her like a normal person when i met sherman ellexi no dice it just did not i did and i just i just couldn't i couldn't i tried like three different times and then i was like you know what time to quit like the if i've learned one thing from if you can't keep your chill it's cut your losses i this year at VidCon we met the cast of pitch perfect too and i totally weirded out on them uh you did you went a little too hard you did come a little too hard because you were like guys i know this is an unpopular opinion but i like pitch perfect two better than pitch perfect one and they're like yeah thanks that's cool we like two and you're like yeah no it's great and i was like that's enough thank that's enough i mean i'm not going all the way because you're not telling them what i said because i'm not also going to tell them what i said yeah i'm not going to repeat everything because it was way you did you did um you did go a little too far but i understand it like it's exciting to meet people who's where you admire and who you probably never thought you were going to get to meet and especially to take a class with them is exciting but if you're gonna the thing is you can't follow that cut your losses advice if you're going to be in a class with them where they're giving you a grade but you're gonna you're gonna have to chill like john's advice is like skipped class drop out of school go away cancel do not go to that class find a different class to attend yeah no i i don't the right advice is that it event i suspect that eventually pretty quickly probably when you have this person as a teacher you will realize that they are just a person and even if they're one of those extremely charismatic like for instance my college writing classes were taught by this guy pf clueby who i really admired his writing and i definitely was super intimidated by him and part of the reason i was intimidated by him was because he was this larger than life presence you know the way he talked the way you couldn't wear hats in his class or chugam the way you had like the way he would notice the moment you weren't paying attention he was one of those teachers you know and um but eventually you start to realize that these people are people that they're just people and the work that they do isn't made by some like genius that's separate from the rest of humanity it's it's made from within humanity and i think if you can acknowledge that in someone that it becomes a lot easier to to hang out with them yeah and i i'll also say that i uh i at echord where i went to my undergrad elia we sell taught uh class and i always was like i'm not of course like it was like most people didn't get into it wanted to take it but i never even tried because i was like that's too scary for me to try and yeah take that class and now of course i regret that tremendously so take the opportunities do you though i don't know like i you know like tony morsen teaches a couple classes at prince and i think she still does and i remember my best friend from high school went to princeton and he was like uh man i can't do it i can't i can't i can't do it i can't i can't handle like i and i totally get that like i couldn't handle learning from tony morsen it would be too it would be too cool like i would not be able to ever recover my chill i don't think so i i understand i definitely understand the problem but um yeah it's funny i mean i've had there have been a few times in my life and i know this has happened to you hank because i've seen it happen where like people ran up to me like screaming and like i don't know what to do i don't know how to handle being screamed at even if it's very positive screaming yeah yeah i know it's it's a weird thing and like it's something that we want to complain about of course because like it's wonderful and it's it's like a side effect of this great thing having happened to you which is having a community having an audience and and and having people who want to consume the things that you create um but but i do like i know a lot of my friends like dread going on flights because they know that they're like when they're gonna be in a large like an airport with a bunch of people like there's gonna like it's not gonna just be like you know six o'clock in the morning doing this thing that you don't really want to do but it's going to be doing it with a bunch of people who want something from you and i know like people who over medicate themselves because of that and and it like upsets me that that's like uh you know that that is sometimes their reaction to that and i yeah it bumps me out yeah it is a real thing um it is a real thing but it is also obviously like an extremely privileged problem there's a recent jaden animations video that touches on this actually that i thought was just brilliant like it talks about it without ever seeming ungrateful yeah and it's really really good so uh i would also watch that video maybe for a little bit of insight into what your teacher might be experiencing in that situation hey can we have to get to us some comments and some some corrections one very important correction that was sent in 652 billion times okay what do we do all right we said that the united state says the best barbecue in the world and a lot of people in australia took that extremely personally because apparently australia is the world's leading barbecuing nation among all of the nations in the southern hemisphere on the continent of australia i mean i just i mean i understand that throwing another shrimp on the barbie is apparently one of the one of the things that we know about australians uh just yes by being a human being in america for some reason but america has the best barbecue mostly because of outback steakhouse is that what it's from i don't know but the important thing is that america has the best barbecue like yeah i and if somebody in other countries said that about their country i would be offended and it's okay for you to be offended because like korean barbecue or australian barbecue or melasian barbecue you think it's better american barbecuing is better i'm american and i love american barbecuing and you are wrong and it's okay for us to have different opinions and think that each other are wrong that's what opinions i agree with you hank i just want to add one thing which is that right now what barbecue is all that we have okay australia so don't take away the one frickin thing that we still have okay we have really good barbecue we don't have a great health care system i wouldn't say that our our politics are functioning a plus plus right now i also wouldn't say australia's politics are functioning a plus plus but we have this barbecue thing don't take away from us okay that's it i'm moving on we also got a correction from a bunch of people in portland or in seattle or any other mls city criticizing mind-making fun of mls which i wasn't really doing but many people in portland wanted me to point out that the portland timbers were not formed in 2009 or whatever i said they were formed they were formed in 1975 although they've been out of business like 72 times in the intervening 40 years um and the existing portland timbers were formed in 2001 and i want to apologize for claiming that your 14-year-old club was only eight years old uh eviren god i am the most ungrateful also viren wanted to point out that there's a border collie that works at cherry capital airport um and this this border collie does not appear to catch birds that are inside though i've gone to its instagram page then it is a very good instagram page just just fantastic dogshots uh it appears it's airport k number nine is the is the instagram for this dog at the cherry capital airport yeah uh the dog's named piper i believe in piper it appears i think uh clears the runways of of birds that might i don't know maybe not i can't tell wildlife control canine do you know where cherry capital airport is no idea john i assume it's in t c because it's in traverse city michigan well i don't know this is a huge airport is my feeling uh to say that it's not a huge airport is a pretty significant uh under statement so just for a little car oh actually you know they they have like they've had like 20 or 25 flights land just today from detroit chicago and minneapolis so they're doing okay i'm travver city yeah yeah um all right one other thing that we've got to get to if you don't mind oh man i'm ready this is from lukrit cia lukritia i'm so bad at names lukritia what is it oh rosionna just pronounced it correctly it's lukritia lukritia i mean rosionna speaks spanish which is a huge advantage in this situation okay i'm moving on maybe we'll just edit in rosionna's pronunciation dear john and hank i'm a climate scientist and like to assuage some concerns raised in your most recent episode while probably also adding some new ones oh climate scientists always assuaging one concern only to add a new one there was a question about inchu bacteria thong and causing epidemics as the ice caps melt and while you did correctly cite the concern of anthrax and randy or frozen in the permafrost becoming a health issue honestly this isn't even one of the biggest problems one of the reasons for this is that the high latitude tend to be less densely populated than the tropics or temperate zones and so epidemics don't spread as faster or infect as many people another is that there are so many other things to worry about for example the comfortable living range of malaria carrying mosquitoes is likely to spread to higher latitudes as temperatures in those areas increase resulting in greater incidence of infection and floods caused by melting glaciers and rising sea levels will potentially spread waterborne diseases like cholera and dysentery so if you want to worry about climate change related diseases you should probably start with those and i do john i do want to worry about climate change related diseases and i am i should add that's why i should add that lukritia signed off eat and be mary for tomorrow we die oh no not in montana because we're pretty far out of the range of uh of both sea level rises and uh and also the comfortable range of military carrying mosquitoes so everybody's come out here and raise up our property values we got lots of new rental apartments it's crazy right now john do you have some uh news from AFC Wimbledon for me i do i do i have actually incredibly exciting news from AFC Wimbledon oh good well it's been fun so hopefully something happened i am as you know deeply concerned about AFC Wimbledon season as i think at this point a lot of AFC Wimbledon fans are just because we've lost a lot of players without acquiring any new ones and we also don't have very much money uh and it's it's hard to be a time it's hard to it's just hard to survive and lead one when you don't have any money and you're owned by your fans so anyway um there is however good news on i would argue good news on multiple levels which is that AFC Wimbledon fans not living in the united kingdom which is to say you me and the vast majority of the people listening to this podcast will be able to watch live streamed AFC Wimbledon games live inside their internet for a fee that they paid to AFC Wimbledon the AFC Wimbledon will then hopefully use to buy some players unfortunately they can't do that until you start playing some games right well the games start soon but um you should go to the AFC Wimbledon website to check it out also uh the the the games have been released the list of games you know but like schedule that's what it's called the list of games um the traditional listing of the games uh AFC Wimbledon's first game is on august 5th against scunthorp i mean it's always it's always a wonderful day when you get to visit scunthorp um and then then they play brentford shrews berry and fleetwood and doncaster and barnet all in august so it's going to be a big august for us and then uh the sort of you know the the matches that everyone looks to uh september 22nd playing against the franchise that currently applies its trade in milton keens and uh port smith one of the biggest uh clubs in league one on september ninth so it's about to start hank the season starts on august 5th scunthorp i'm very nervous i'm not gonna lie i'm not gonna pretend i'm not nervous i'm extremely nervous um i i'm also nervous for you it does seem a little bit like there aren't gonna be uh enough players is wild tail or still there wild tail or still there and there are technically enough players we've already played a couple of um of pre-season matches that we did have 11 people on the pitch that's good to hear um yeah it's good to hear i yeah is there something you did wrong did they do something wrong like how is there money left over to get more people uh it's not clear the uh i mean it's still the trading signing window is still open until the end of august so there's still time um it's it was always it's always going to be hard the second season uh you know in a new league is is traditionally harder than the first season and i think part of the problem is that it's impossible to tell players like j greeves or tom eliot like you can't go play for a bigger club that has more money because like of course you want those players to have those opportunities and then they just become very hard to uh to replace um one last thing hank nerd fighteria is sponsoring uh a fc wimbledon's match against blackpool this season um so i don't know if i'm gonna be there for that game so i'd a bunch of nerdfighters will so put it on your calendars if you're in the neighborhood i'm definitely gonna go to a few games this season i'm excited um well in the news from mars john i i know that you know that there's some weird things about mars so so three weird things up with mars we've got uh we've got a weird geology where one hemisphere of the planet is it has way more creators than the other um that it's really like smooth in the the north and created in the south we've also got a weird composition of the planet so uh lots of metals in the crust very different from earth's uh composition and then you've got these two weird lumpy moons phobos and emos and um there are lots of guesses as to like how these three things happened and why um with with with like different different guesses for each one but uh and one of the big ones has always been that there was there was it's not like an early point in mars's history there was a how they explained the the fact that the uh northern hemisphere is so smooth is that there was a very large impact like the kind of impact that that uh earth experienced at that time that formed our moon but maybe not as big as that or maybe it just didn't do the same same thing that ours did because mars is smaller or the impact was larger or whatever but a new paper came out a couple weeks ago while we were on our little hiatus that uh sort of explains all three of those things at once which is that this impact could have come from a certain type of body um in the early solar system that uh was metal rich and very large like the size of series which is the by far the largest object in the asteroid belt basically a like a little planet and um and that that deposited a bunch of of these iron loving metals like heavy things like iridium and gold and iron um into the crust and it also like created this much smoother area of the planet and also shot off both phobos and demos which became mars's moons uh these moons would not have formed uh in which might explain why they're small and why they're sort of like lumpy potato shaped rather than being spherical because they weren't big enough uh or warm enough to actually turn into spheres in space so that new paper is out now it's called colossal impact in rich mars's mantle with noble metals uh published in june of 2017 and uh they're they're estimating that the time of the the uh impact was about four hundred four point four billion years ago and the object was about twelve hundred kilometers in diameter which is a biggie at the biggie john it's really nice that we live at a time when the solar system has fewer those kinds of things floating around those uh those twelve hundred kilometer objects you don't really want one of those around hank a couple of questions uh first off are you saying that there is gold on mars and lots of it i that is that is the truth that is a thing okay um i but but john if we're gonna mind gold from someplace it's the first step is probably not going to be at the bottom of the gravity well um if we're probably pick it off of asteroids where there are several asteroids that have a very high composition of gold just like the one that probably crashed into mars and what is a gravity well uh gravity well is a very large very massive object uh so so uh that you would have to then expend energy to get off of so dragging dragging the gold off the planet so there's one thing getting uh getting the gold to fall back to earth which is actually going to take a lot of energy but getting it to up out of mars and then to fall back to earth all that would be like twice as much energy so you just want to uh you want to find something that's not the bottom of the gravity well if you're going to be lugging out heavy heavy metals like gold and radium okay that's helpful that's very helpful second question if i'm on the surface of mars can i see two moons like do i see two moons the way i we see one moon yeah yeah yeah that is cool that is really cool that makes me kind of want to go to mars just so i can get that two moon vibe and then having like taken a couple pictures get back on the spaceship well also john i don't think you want to be on a spaceship just knowing you uh like well i don't like confined spaces and i don't like social time with other people is there a lot of private space on spaceships or not so much i mean the question is what do you what do you say to your spaceship crewmate when it's time for them to go home please get out of my spaceship um what do you mean there's only one spaceship and we share it uh one last follow-up question on these missions to mars will there be private bathrooms because i feel very strongly about not sharing bathrooms oh man um i don't know i don't actually i don't know how like if the bathroom on the iss is even a separate room oh my god so it's basically it's basically just like being in prison except you can float i'm looking now i don't i don't know if there's a door i assume there's a door or a curtain or something oh my god that level i'm looking right now and i am flipping out like that level oh god oh my goodness gracious you know like what's that's what that's what that is just not okay this looks like at least a little butt place for your butt to go yikesity yikesers well i mean i wanted to go to space and now suddenly i don't and i don't suspect the desire will ever come back to me heck we have to go we have to go record this week in ryan why we started what did what did we learn today john oh well we learned that climate science is real and also uh cholera might become more of a problem in an age of climate change we also learned that josh billings is in the public domain so be on the lookout for hank and john's collection of josh josh billings stuff we're gonna print it out of my printer right here staple it together in selfer 1499 but what's been 1499 on that when you could spend probably less than 1499 at probably sign turtles dot com to get a probably sign pre-order of my new book turtles all the way down out on october 10th call that was hard to get into a single breath and lastly uh we learned that when it's time to say goodbye to your friends you can let them know by just saying get out get out thanks john for being with me here on this 100th episode of your hand and john i know that when i started out by saying it was like a spectacular and it was fantastical that like maybe you thought we were gonna have a bunch of special guests or something no no no no no this podcast is edited by nicolas jenkins is produced by rosion hals rohasum shared in gibson our head of community and communications is the toria bonger now who also runs our patreon which if you go and donate there it will help out side showing crashverse and you'll get our weekly bad podcast this week in ryan's which we're about to go record right now thank you everyone for listening and as they stay in our hometown don't forget the y'all