#103: Preliminary Boundary Work

Hey Guys! In this episode, we talk about preliminary boundaries.  I mentioned at the beginning of the episode that most women know boundaries are an essential part of the process and are interested in learning how to set solid boundaries.  However, fully internalizing (or embodying) boundaries takes time to engage and implement.  This is where preliminary boundaries come into play. So let's dig into preliminary boundaries.  Keep in mind that 'preliminary boundaries' refers to the preparatory work, comprising 10 questions that women need to ask themselves early on in the process.  I love Jason's qualifier around these questions he mentions for men to be aware of: women are in a free fall and are looking for handholds, and they need them early on in the process.  This isn't an indictment on him; it's not to get 'safety from the monster, it's so that she can grab onto some things as everything slips away. I also want to highlight that as we go through these questions, some of you listening who aren't at the VERY beginning of this process might feel regret (that you didn't do this or that).  Let's be curious about any pangs of regret - it might point to a need for added safety and assurance in the here and now. Here are the 10 questions: 1 - Do you want or need him to be out of the bed you guys share? 2 - Do you want or need no physical contact? 3 - Do you want or need to take sex off the table? 4 - Do you want or need to get STI/STD tested? 5 - Do you want or need him to get STI/STD tested? 6 - Do you want or need him out of the house? 7 - What do you want or need to share with your children? 8 - Do you want or need him to have supervision when he is with your children? 9 - Do you want or need to see someone who specializes in sexual integrity issues versus a generalist?  (Only one answer to this question.) 10 - Do you want or need a written full disclosure? All ten of these questions are geared toward helping you get your feet back under you, gain some protection and safety and will help with future boundary setting as you continue to heal. We are so glad YOU are here. Thanks for joining us for Season #8. Shelley mentioned a link to a preliminary boundary article as well as a 7-page printable. Click on the links for those two resources. Shelley also mentioned an episode regarding what to say to our children - I think I was actually thinking of this episode, which is more about protecting our children (episode #36). We need to add this to the podcast queue: what to say to our kids when this all starts to go down. The Worthy of Her Trust Workshop for men, outside San Antonio, TX, is right around the corner in January 2026. Click here for all the details. Ladies, would love for you to consider one of our support groups in the New Year!  We have several starting, and you can snag all the details here. We will be uploading the video portion of the podcasts to the WOHT Academy website. If you scroll to the bottom of this page, you'll find the signup button for our Public Content Section. If the content is helpful, you might consider joining the Academy membership to access more teaching videos and weekly live teaching with our team.  Shelley mentioned adding the legitimate needs list to the Podcast Freebies. You can do that here.   For more information on RL Academy, click here. Join the community on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses, and online courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop! Click here to subscribe to Shelley's {almost} monthly letter + announcements. Click here to subscribe to Jason's list. Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast