Redemptive Living Radio
by Redemptive Living Radio
Looking for hope and redemption after sexual betrayal? Then this is the podcast for you! We're Shelley and Jason Martinkus, authors of four books, including Worthy of Her Trust and we've been there. We're nearly two decades into our own recovery work, and have dedicated our lives to helping other men, wives and marriages on the journey toward wholeness. With candor, vulnerability and authenticity we want to walk with you, too! Tune in as we address the highs and lows, the hard questions and the challenges couples face as they pursue redemptive living.
Episodes
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#121: Kate and Jordan's Story - Part 3
At last, here is the final installment of our interview with Jordan and Kate Jones (aka Part 3). This is also the end of Season #8. Thank you for being with us! Jordan shares something very profound at the top of the episode and we roll from there. We talk character change, perspective shift in...
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#120: Kate and Jordan's Story - Part 2
Here is Part 2 of our interview with Jordan and Kate. We talk about hiding, lying, addiction, compromises, alcohol, ADD, and relapses. Thank you again to Kate and Jordan for sharing their story with us and for being so vulnerable with what they shared. We will see you next week for Part 3 of Kate...
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#119: Kate and Jordan's Story - Part 1
We are ending Season #8 of RL Radio with an interview with one of the amazing couples on our team - Kate and Jordan Jones. This will be at least a three-part series where Kate and Jordan share their story. SO many insights, so many things to learn from them. We are grateful for their…
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#118: When He Thinks Her Anger Is Too Much - Part 2
In this episode, we continue unpacking our discussion about what to do when HE thinks her anger is too much. To start with, we talk about how, from a Biblical perspective, we are taught NOT to get angry - see James 1:19 for an example. Most women we work with struggle to get angry. Therefore, our...
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#117: When He Thinks Her Anger Is Too Much - Part 1
In this episode, we wanted to address some feedback we have received, specifically with episodes #106 and #107 on Blocks to Anger Parts 1 and 2. In those two episodes, we wanted to really encourage women to find their anger. What can be helpful is when we NAME the blocks to anger and then bust...
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#116: Anchors
In this episode, we talk about the practices that help us stay safe, avoid going too far off course, and ultimately navigate grief and pain. Jason, rightfully so, struggles with using the word anchor (he suggests we use the word buoy), and while I hear him, an anchor certainly doesn't help us...
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#114: I'm Not Going to Keep Taking From You + A Rubric
In this episode, a continuation of episode #113, Jason shares about what it looked like for him to "not take from me" (from a needs perspective) as well as a rubric he used to help keep him focused on what mattered most when I wasn't able or willing to meet his needs. We banter back and forth…
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#113: Looking for Her to Meet His Needs in Early and Mid-recovery
Bear with us through the first six minutes of this episode - not sure exactly what kind of point we are making as we talk, but also wasn't sure how to trim it out and for the rest to make sense, so I left it as is. Oftentimes in early and mid-recovery, husbands try to find comfort (of some kind)…
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#111: Integrating Empathy - Part 1
In this episode, we discuss how to engage empathetically when she is hurting. The key is: he HAS to integrate empathy in the day-to-day. Jason unpacks three principles to help men be more empathetic with her: Principle #1 - He can't turn on empathy in the hard moments alone. Instead, it's...
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#110: Patched Up Hearts
In this episode, we talk about important questions women ask in the latter part of mid-recovery, while healing from sexual betrayal. Keep in mind in the latter part of mid-recovery (mouth. ful.) for women, there is a lot of internal processing going on - rhetorical questions, existential…
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#109: How to Navigate Valentine's Day
Valentine's Day can be a tender holiday for most women working to heal from sexual betrayal, namely, a painful reminder of what she doesn't have. In this episode, we discuss how to navigate this loaded holiday well, no matter where you are on the healing journey. What I would love for all women…
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#108: One Bad Decision Away
Hey Guys! Thanks for joining us today on Redemptive Living Radio, where we talk about healing from intimate betrayal relationally, as well as for women who have to make the choice to heal without him by her side (whether because he won't do the work or because she is done). In this episode, we...
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#107: Blocks to Anger - Part 2
Welcome to Part Two of Blocks to Anger! In part 2 of the episode, we discuss the benefits of anger for both him and her, the root of anger, how to get angry, and the fear of getting stuck in anger. We jump right in and talk about some of the reasons Anger is so important - not just for HER to...
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#106: Blocks to Anger - Part 1
In this two-part episode series, we are talking about her anger and grief. We start by putting a name to some of the common things that cause her anger and grief to be blocked. 1 - Him doing good quantitative but not so great quantitative work. (Add to this the external validation he might be...
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#105: Criticisms and Comparisons
Hey Guys! In this episode, we dive into another listener question (or rather, a series of questions) pertaining to him comparing and criticizing her in his addiction (and oftentimes, well after the addiction has stopped). We have a more casual conversation about this, so if you like structure,...
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#104: Using Her in His Addiction
In this episode, we talk about something that is fairly common yet rarely discussed: when he uses her as a part of his addiction. I'm listening to the episode right now (as I type the show notes), and I am on edge. It's an important conversation and also hard to have. Thanks for being brave and...
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#103: Preliminary Boundary Work
Hey Guys! In this episode, we talk about preliminary boundaries. I mentioned at the beginning of the episode that most women know boundaries are an essential part of the process and are interested in learning how to set solid boundaries. However, fully internalizing (or embodying) boundaries…
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#102: Her Request to Never Notice Others
Welcome back to RL Radio! In this episode, we talk about a wife's request that he never notice another woman. While this request might seem impossible for him to carry out, keep in mind that it's a deeper need beneath the one she is expressing. Jason also comments that oftentimes a rhetorical...
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#101: Why Women Ask Details
Welcome to episode #101 of RL Radio! I don't know about you, but it is SO cool being in the hundreds, and we are so glad to have you all here with us! In this episode, we discuss why women ask for details in recovery. Women often get a bad rap for asking for more information; even well-meaning...
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#100: Building Blocks of Intimacy - Part 2
Welcome to episode #100 of RL Radio and part 2 of the Building Blocks of Intimacy! We are so excited to reach this milestone with you guys. If you liked seeing the video version of our podcast last week, you can watch this week's video in the Worthy of Her Trust Academy Public Content section…
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#99: Building Blocks of Intimacy - Part 1
Welcome to Season #8 of RL Radio! We are excited to connect with you guys, laugh a little, and also partner with you as you move forward with healing. This season, we decided to start recording podcasts as videos (in addition to the podcast). In that vein, we wanted to record in our sitting nook...
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#98: The 90/10 Principle
The 90/10 principle simply means that 90% of the work of relational rebuilding is a husband's responsibility post betrayal (+ 100% of a husband's personal work). That 90% means going first, leading the process, holding the weight of the brokenness in the relationship, engaging, initiating,...
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#97: His Processing - Personal Not Private
As I listen to the first part of this episode, I am so thankful we aren't where we were five months ago with our little puppy. I will say - we are still considering getting rid of him because while he is much easier for us than he was five months ago, he is still a LOT. I was giggling with how I...
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#96: Lying - Part 2
We are back with part 2 of the lying episode. We jump in to talking about what helped Jason stop lying: #1 - Brute force effort to be honest as well as brute force effort to fight the addictive voice inside of him. (Jason said he would argue internally with the man he was fighting to become…
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#95: Lying - Part 1
We are starting to come to the final bend in the road for Season #7, before we take a break. In this episode - we talk about lying - something that comes up a lot with the gals I connect with on Instagram as well as one of the things that was posted more than once in the question box on IG when I...
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#94: A Story of Fortitude - Part Two
Hey Guys - We are so grateful for Emma's willingness to share her story. This is part 2. SO much richness in this episode - from Thomas's brokenness and guttural crying to Emma's vulnerability to the 2nd disclosure and Emma's awareness of having to move the wall around her heart accordingly. To...
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#93: A Story of Fortitude - Part One
We are thrilled to have Emma Berry with us on the podcast today! Emma shares her side of the story with us both this week and next and we are so grateful she was willing to walk us through the ups and downs of her process with her husband, Thomas. (See links below for Thomas's side of the story,...
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#92: Doing the Work Out of the Wounds
On this episode, we wanted to unpack what it looks like for men to do recovery out of the wounds (versus living recovery and not making everything about the wounds). Jason starts with explaining a bit more as to what he means by this: in the addiction (or integrity issue) - men are operating out…
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#91: Sure Signs of Progress
On the heels of talking about some of the markers that may point toward him not living with integrity (while in recovery) - we wanted to talk about three things that show sure signs of progress: The easiest one to see with our eyes is: humility. This can look like fast acknowledgements and...
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#90: Signs He May Be Acting Out
In this episode, we are talking about signs that he may be acting out. I have a lot of women that wonder (post discovery) - how will I know if he is acting out? What if I miss the signs? This episode is for you - AND - we have one bit of caution: we are NOT trying to insert unnecessary doubt into...
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#89: Staying with Dignity
We go back to a listener question, this one from IG where a woman asked: how do I stay with dignity when the acting out was so extensive. I'll be honest - as I listen to this episode, I think there is SO much more we could have shared and we didn't. I'm making the choice to push it out but read...
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#88: Listener Questions
Hi y'all, you get the B team for the show notes on this episode! Jason here, trying to take up the slack, so these notes will be from my perspective not Shelley's this time. Listener Question #1 : How do I help my wife be close to me again? With this question, we first have to remember that she…
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#87: Do you want to be with me?
In light of some of the episodes we have produced this season - the deeper pain points, the why work episodes - there is a looming question I have wanted to address with Jason, on behalf of all women. And here is the question: Why did you marry me? And what makes me think you want to be with me...
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#86: "Why" Work Part 3 - What Now?
In this episode, we talk about the interplay between the "why" work and the "what now" work. The why work is heavy in the beginning of the process, and continues to "hum" in the background - but the "what now" begins to take more and more precedence, or at least that is what we hope for. This...
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#85: His Needs Vs Her Needs
In today's episode - I wanted to talk to Jason about his needs and her needs in the recovery process in a more informal way (as in - we didn't do a ton of prep work before hitting the record button). I started off by sharing that I believe her needs are more important in the recovery process due…
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#84: Resentment
This week we are talking resentment, iced tea, hand towels and dealing with Shelley's mic situation. I promise that is going to go away in future episodes - I didn't realize that I am touching the mic so much!!! I didn't realize until about a year ago that resentment is a HUGE part of what he...
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#83: "Why" Work - Part 2
In this episode we are continuing to talk about his "why". It will be helpful for you to understand the four different categories that we are talking about as you listen to this episode and download the pdf which will be in the podcast freebie email (see link below). Here are the four categories...
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#82: "Why" Work - Part 1
Alright everyone - here we go - we are officially jumping into Season #7 and we aren't turning back. We are SO excited to be with you guys - and we are hoping we can be here for a while - we will see how long we can last! We are going to be talking about "Why" work in this episode as well as the...
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#81: The Deeper Pain Points
Welcome to the official first episode of Season #7! In this episode we wanted to talk to all of you about how to handle the deeper pain points (of hers) that feel like they will never ever go away. How can he help her handle those deeper pain points and how can she handle those deeper pain…
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Re-release #65: Navigating the Holidays
Hey Guys! We wanted to re-release an episode from the past pertaining to navigating the holidays well. The holidays can be really challenging - no matter what - and then throw in Family Systems (see below) + recovery and it's a LOT. The happy holidays can feel like the not so happy holidays. The...
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Welcome to Season #7 of Redemptive Living Radio!
We are so excited to get this season going and before we really get going in January - we wanted to release a couple of episodes this month and then come January, we will be back with all sorts of content. Here is what we have planned thus far: Interviews with some of the amazing folks from our...
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#80: The Shame She Experiences
So here we are! The final episode of Season #6. We start with me needing to loop back to something we discussed in the last episode where Jason said he received feedback from someone saying that sometimes when Jason mentions the past / the timeline, that he is shaming me. While I don't think he…
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#79: Holding Her Hostage
In this episode - we talk about how he can hold her hostage in the recovery process. We discuss this concept, of him holding her hostage, two different ways (or avenues or angles or well, you get the point). The first avenue is how Jason interprets "holding her hostage" which essentially is him...
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Regrouping + Resources
It's just me today, popping in to let you know we will be back next week with a fresh episode. I am sharing the quickest of life updates with you guys plus a reminder about a couple of resources that we offer. We are so glad YOU are here, thanks for joining us for Season #6. For those of you that...
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#78: Going Into Public with Confidence
As we dig into the content of this particular episode - please keep in mind that these situations are SO nuanced. So please take what we are sharing and consider how it applies to you. What we share will not work for everyone in every situation. #1 - Clearly End the Affair - Our first suggestion...
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#77: Making Friends with the Work
As Jason said early on in this episode - recovery work is painful. It hurts, it's scary and no wonder we resist it. Jason talks about how he went from resisting the recovery work to accepting that there was work to do. It's in this process that we make friends with the work. As Thomas Berry, a...
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#76: The Duality of Hope
Basically, I try to take over during the first five minutes of the episode as I talk about hope. Then I pass the mic over to Jason and you will probably actually like what he says much more. I just try to sprinkle in anecdotal comments as I can, you're welcome. Hope is a handhold for wives in the...
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#75: Where Empathy Develops
Get out your thinking caps - this episode is heady and I had to rewind many many times to re-listen while I was working on these show notes. We are talking empathy (and intimacy and conviction) today. I believe that empathy is one of the key ingredients that will help her heart heal within the...
About this show
Looking for hope and redemption after sexual betrayal? Then this is the podcast for you! We're Shelley and Jason Martinkus, authors of four books, including Worthy of Her Trust and we've been there. We're nearly two decades into our own recovery work, and have dedicated our lives to helping other men, wives and marriages on the journey toward wholeness. With candor, vulnerability and authenticity we want to walk with you, too! Tune in as we address the highs and lows, the hard questions and the challenges couples face as they pursue redemptive living.
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Redemptive Living Radio