106. Coercive control - What it is, and what it isn't

"Coercive control" has entered the mainstream - and started to lose its precision. This episode brings it back: what coercive control actually is, what it isn't, and why the difference matters for everyone."I felt trapped in my own life." It's a phrase I hear again and again from clients, it's how I felt all those years ago,  and it captures something the technical definitions can't quite reach.In recent years, "coercive control" has moved from the margins into legislation, headlines, and dinner-table conversation. That shift is profound and overdue. But as the term has become more widely used, it has also become more loosely used - and when everything is called coercive control, the word begins to lose the meaning that the people who have genuinely lived it depend on. If everything is coercive control, then nothing is.In this episode I bring the precision back. I walk through what coercive control actually is - a deliberate, sustained pattern of behaviour designed to dominate another person and strip away their autonomy, producing fear and compliance - and some of the tactics that make it up. Then I draw the harder lines: how being "controlling" is not the same as coercive control, and how to think clearly about the trickier middle ground, including withholding contact with children, post-separation behaviour, and reactive behaviours. I also address who perpetrates coercive control: a framework that is gender-neutral in principle, alongside a statistical reality that is anything but - held in a way that erases neither women's overwhelmingly documented experience nor male victims.This is a measured conversation, on purpose. The precision I'm arguing for is exactly what the people whose lives were shaped by coercive control deserve.In this episode:What coercive control actually is - pattern, intent, domination, fear, compliance and loss of autonomyThe tactics that constitute itWhy "controlling" behaviour is not the same as coercive controlThe trickier middle ground: withholding contact, post-separation behaviour, and reactive abuseWho perpetrates coercive control - the framework, and the statisticsThree questions to ask yourself if you're unsureWhere to find support, and where to understand this in depthIf this episode gives you language for something you have been living, the work continues in the Blueprint - Module 17 in particular is the extended treatment of coercive control, the foundation the rest of it is built on.Support: If you are in Australia and need to talk to someone, 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is available 24/7.   In an emergency, call 000.Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black CoachingThe Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle1:1 Coaching 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coachingThe music you hear in this outro is 'Calm is Credible' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching.  You can listen to this song, or download free, by visiting danielleblackcoaching.com.auAbout Danielle Black Coaching:Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems.Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes.Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.auThis podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.