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Or is that for the beer John and Hank? It's a comedy podcast about death. Where two brothers Hank and John Green we answer your questions giving to bees advice and bring you all the weeks news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon. But we're recording this one a week early so we don't actually know what the news is but we'll figure something out.
John how you doing? I'm doing well. Since we're recording this a week early I'm pretty sure that by the time it's announced our tour will have been announced. I have a new book coming out Hank.
I don't know if you've heard about it. It's called Turtles All the Way Down. It comes out October 10th and Hank and I are going on tour starting October 10th. I'm not 100% sure that I'm allowed to be talking about this but I'm going to talk about it anyway in the hopes of forcing Penguin's hand.
Yeah. So I just want to let everybody know that you can, I don't really know where the website is that you can go to go to probably signtoturtles.com and I'm sure that'll take you to the tour website. I'm not totally positive. This is all going to go down.
But I am going to let you know the cities that we're going to. I don't even know if you know for sure. Somewhat, somewhat, Alan formed. Yeah.
Okay. So we're going to New York City. That's on October 10th. We're going to Washington DC and then you're taking two days off to go to a friends wedding.
Correct. And I am going to be doing other things. I'll be in North Carolina and Atlanta. And then we're going to be together in Orlando at Hank's High School Auditorium.
Are you serious? I'm dead serious. Then we're going to be in Nashville. That's going to be an very uncomfortable St.
Louis. They've improved the auditorium a lot since you were a student there. Naperville, Illinois or possibly Chicago, not totally sure. St.
Paul, Minnesota. One of the twin cities. Missoul Montana, Spokane, Washington, Bellingham, Washington, Portland, Oregon, and Corto, Madeira, California, which I think is in the San Francisco area. And lastly, I think somewhere in Los Angeles.
Sure. And that is the tour. That's the tour. I apologize to everybody who's like, but I don't live in any of those places.
Well, neither do most people. Let's be honest. I'm talking to almost all humans don't live in any of those places. But if you do live in one of those places, please come visit us on tour.
Tickets are on sale now, I think. And you can find out more somewhere on the web. I'm not totally positive. It's good.
This was great promo, John. Man, I should do this for a living. It's really about having all the information at your fingertips. John, there's a Twitter hashtag going around right now.
And it's a ruin a book, change a letter, change a letter, ruin a book, something like that. So you could date where when we were recording this by that information. But I was trying to come up with one of the turtles. And all I got was Turtles Al, the way down.
It'd be like a book about a guy named Turtles Al who runs a turtle store. But it's like it's a story of his inevitable decline. It's good. I like Turtles All the Way Mone, which is about an evil person who mows over turtles with his lawnmower.
That's really good. That's better. That's better. I like that one better than mine.
Okay. All right. So come visit us on tour if you have the chance. We're very excited about it.
And with that noted, Hank, how are you? I'm good. That's all I had was that thing about the thing. And I'm glad you prepared that bit.
That was very solid. Yeah, I'm going to Australia. So I haven't been able to think about anything except all the work I have to do before I have to go to Australia. Well, let me take a little bit of workload off of you by asking the first question from our listeners.
All right. This one comes from Karen, who writes, Dear John and Hank, I'm applying for pharmacy school. And some of the supplementary questions ask me about which of my personal characteristics makes me unique. How does one even answer this question?
Is this different from a question about my unique experiences? I'm so confused. For a straight and confusion. Karen, first off, Karen, nobody is unique.
Yeah. Yeah. I'm coming to like, that's what pharmacy school really wants. They want a bunch of people who are just like, each one is not at all similar to the other.
They want weirdos there at pharmacy school. Yeah, I'm not sure that I want my pharmacist to be one of the most eccentric people on earth. Like, you mentioned Maureen Johnson, like preparing your script. No, I don't want her counting my medications.
I love Maureen Johnson. And she is unique. And I do not think that she and I don't even think that she would disagree with me about this. I don't think she would be a great pharmacist.
All of the most eccentric people I know almost invariably shouldn't be pharmacists, which isn't to say that I don't love pharmacists. I have a great relationship with my pharmacists. They are all lovely people. I have a real life friend who's a pharmacist and I ask them once, I was like, would you prefer if I come to your pharmacy?
And they said no. I don't want to know all your stuff, John. I don't want to know. Yeah, they were like, don't make it weird.
Yeah, I think that's a dumb question. First off, none of your personal characteristics make you unique. Secondly, if I'm a pharmacy school, I want someone who's a good student, who's organized, who's disciplined, who is bright and hardworking, I don't know that I'm really looking for the out there weirdos. I like the idea that there's like a personal character, like a unique personal character, and it's like, look, mine doesn't have a name because it's unique.
Literally, no one has ever had it before. It's called Screvel. Mine's called Algaman. And I can't even explain Screvel to you because it is so unique that it does not touch upon any of the previous understandings you have had about the experience of what humans are like.
Right, you're not able to access this because you don't have a language for it. You can't have the thoughts that Screvels have. And then, in fact, that's what you should do, Karen. Next to that question, just write Screvel in all capital letters, underline it, exclamation point.
And then in parentheses, you can't explain this using language that people who decide whether you get into pharmacy school have access to. I mean, like it should be that will definitely get their attention. The first letter should be like the S should be lowercase, the K should be lowercase, but the R and the E are uppercase, V is lowercase, E and the L are uppercase. That's how that's how it's spelled.
Screvel. Can you say anything about Screvel or is it like? No, it's just like it does not connect with the normal like with the the broad cultural understanding of humanity. It's just it's too disconnected, John.
There you go, Karen. I think we've found a solution for you that will definitely not get you into pharmacy school. This next question comes from Hope who asks Dear Hank and John, what is the plural form of dingus? I use it constantly, both affectionately and otherwise, and in perplexed, is it dingai?
Dingus is or is it just like deer and the plural remains the same as the singular, just a bunch of dingus signed a dingus in need hope. Hey, I don't know how far you fell down the dingus rabbit hole while researching this question, but I fell pretty down far. Yeah, do you first? I felt like one step down.
I just googled a dingus etymology and that's as far as I go. Do you know I know that it comes from the Dutch. Do you know what a dingus is? It's the Dutch word well ding is Dutch for a thing.
Right. It's like it's just a ding. But like that ding over there. I thought a dingus was like an idiot like oh I'm being such a dingus about this.
Yeah, that's sort of what I yeah that's kind of my idea. But that is not what the dictionary's idea of what a dingus is. The dictionary thinks a dingus is like a doohickey or a thing a magig. Oh this little dingus here.
It's like the word to describe a thing either because there is no word associated for it or because you can't access the word or your vocabulary doesn't have it or whatever. Right. So it's like a screvel. It is.
It's not. It's not really. It's a little bit different from screvel in that it is an established word that wasn't made up four minutes ago. But yeah that is the initial meaning of dingus and it's not totally clear how it came to mean like a dingbat except that it seems to sort of sound like a dingbat or you know it sounds like a dingus.
It sounds like a dingus. It sounds like a dingus. Yeah, it sounds like it should mean what it means which is a really interesting thing about words and meaning. Yeah.
Is that that kind of happens? Oh yeah. Where yeah it isn't just a one way street where like we need a word for this. You're trying to find a word that sounds like the thing.
Right. Right. No it's a complicated. It's like an amount of pee up but inside your brain.
So when I fell way down the rabbit hole I found out something amazing which is that do hickey you know a word that I use all the time when I'm trying to describe something that I can't remember the name for. Do hickey comes from two words that also meant that doodad and hickey before hickey meant like a bruise that you would get on your neck from extremely aggressive kissing. Hickey meant the same thing that doodad and dingus meant which is to say that we have a lot of words for thing that we have forgotten the word for. Yeah.
Well that's an important thing to have a word for and it's not just a thing you've forgotten the word for it's a thing that doesn't really have a name like the little thing that converts my apple charger from like an extra long plug to just the one that I can store up for easy travel. That is totally a that's a dingus. It's a singum of Bob. Yeah.
It's a what do you call it? It's a dooder. It's a it's a gobbons is another word that means the same thing. Really?
Yeah. Gubbbons is good. Yeah. Oh man.
Mr. Gubbbons that'd be a great name for a character in a children's book. It would. Today's just today.
You didn't know this and I didn't know it either but today's your hand in John is all about etymology and the relationship between language and thought. Just I like it. Okay. So that none of what we said got got to the answer to the question.
Oh what was the question? I have no idea. What is the plural of dingus? Oh I'm not sure John.
I figured you had the answer because apparently you went way down the dingus hole. So there's an alternative form of dingus which is dingis and I think that would be a good plural form but according to the internet it is not the actual plural form. The actual plural form is dinguses. Yeah I figured it might be dinguses but we had a really good conversation about dinguses anyway that made it all worthwhile.
I mean I don't know that it was worthwhile but I mean you know you have to use your one wild and precious life somehow and this is how we choose to do it. Before you ask the next question John let me remind everyone that we have a phrase of the day week or of the week or whatever and one of this is going to try and wedge that phrase into the speaking without anybody out there in the listening world knowing that we're doing it and if we can do that effectively then we win. I understand it's not a good game. It's not a well-designed game but we have fun thinking about it so that's what's important.
I've forgotten what the phrase is John. We talked about it. I forgot what it is. Don't tell me.
Well I'm not going to tell you what it is because that would be cheating. Yeah you've got to slide it in there and I won't even know what happened. All right this is a question near and dear to both of our hearts. It comes from Kate if you're right steer John and Hank staying in a hotel for almost two weeks on a work trip has taught me that hotel rooms are in fact the world's loneliest places.
I've been distracting myself in the evenings by FaceTiming my boyfriend but after hanging up the room feels even quieter and lonelier than before. Do other people feel this way when traveling for business? Any tips on making a hotel stay more bearable and then Hank you will not believe her sign off from the lonely abyss of a courtyard Marriott Kate. Ah!
So in 2012. A lot of yeah okay you thought the whole story. So in 2012 Hank and I spent with two exceptions 30 consecutive nights in courtyard mariades. So the geographical location in which we were would change nightly but the layout of the room never changed.
Yeah we would always lay out of the room. It's the art on the walls. The bed spread. The wallpaper.
The toilets were all the same. The red love seat. The desk. The chair.
The bed. And I'll tell you what Kate it did get a little dark after a while. Yeah I mean my strategy for solving this problem is to not go to the room until it is sleep time and the whole time I'm in the room be listening to a podcast because then I don't like I like just distract myself from the fact that I'm doing this hotel room thing. The worst trap I feel like you can fall into is watching TV in a hotel room because then you're just awake forever.
Yeah. For some reason I have a very hard time sleeping with the TV is on a hotel room and I just want to like watch the end of this of this terrible piece of fake documentary about the worst air disasters right before I get on a plane. Yeah I mean I think so first off Kate I think this is a common thing. I remember being very excited about my first work trip and then like getting on it and being like oh is it like this all the time and now 15 years later it is like that all the time.
Now sometimes I you know there are advantages to it like I can sleep in at least sometimes which I can't do when I'm sleeping at home because I have little kids and that can be nice and that's an upside that I can look forward to. Another upside that I can look forward to is that sometimes I will like happen across a movie on HBO if they have HBO in the hotel and I'll be like oh I can watch a movie but I agree with Hank that like watching sort of like endless linear cable TV is not a recipe for good sleep. So I think it's good to listen to podcasts I think it's good to watch movies I think it's great to read a book I usually try to read when I'm in a hotel room but it's hard to sleep in those places at least for me and yeah work travel that I always thought was going to be like you know I can't believe that they're paying for my hotel room occasionally I'll think that when it's a very nice hotel room but most of the time I think like oh it's another it's another hotel room this place probably has bed bugs it's all probabilities John I mean I would not want to see a black light in any of those rooms agreed all right John the next question it comes from Brianna who asks dear brothers green I've recently started working on a cruise line and one of my first days at sea I saw a thunderstorm off in the distance and it got me thinking water's good conductor of electricity right so when lightning strikes the ocean how far does the electricity spread and for how long does the affected area stay electrified is a possible that my ship could be electrocuted from the storm off near the horizon thank you for either quashing or amplifying my fears Brianna can you get a podcast on a ship oh of course you can they have wireless now Brianna I've got good news and bad news the bad news is that you're going to die of norovirus on that ship so it doesn't really matter that you're not going to die of electrocution from a lightning strike I mean of the things that could kill you on a ship I would say that norovirus is the bigger concern I I have a bunch of information on this John if you're curious I'm very curious kind of a kind of a weird fact which is that the lightning lightning very rarely strikes the ocean that's interesting why yeah because for a couple of reasons one there's not really like lightning likes to go to a place and when it's just this like infinite flat plane it just strikes internally inside of the cloud so if it's above the ocean it tends to be clouded cloud lightning more than clouded ground lightning second because it seems like lightning actually happens when the kind of perturbations that the land tends to create which is like a lot more heat comes off of land and there are also you know actual physical boundaries that can make clouds bump around and move around that lightning tends to happen when those kinds of obstructions start making all of the stuff rub together more than it was previously but it does happen it does strike the light the the ocean sometimes and enough that we know a little bit about what happens when lightning strikes the ocean which is because to be first of all water is not a great conductor of electricity but salt water is so what happens is it goes into the water and then it spreads out very quickly until you know not very far away from the point of the lightning strike it is not a significant amount of charge if you're sitting right there where the lightning strikes you're gonna die but but it does not go very far and so it probably it doesn't kill very many fish for example did I ever tell you about the time as you know Hank I have a long term fear of dying by lightning strike because I grew up in Orlando Ford and also because I have you know a number of the major death fears did I ever tell you about the time that I walked away from the wedding what are you talking about no okay so one of Sarah's family members was getting married is a bit of a shotgun wedding we were on top of a mountain in Colorado and it began to like rain and thunderstorm and there was lightning strikes everywhere and everyone was holding umbrellas on top of a mountain and I was like this is it this is how we're all gonna go and the bride and groom were like it's okay we're gonna get married in the rain and I was like y'all can do whatever you want but this is not how I die and so I walked away also I have to congratulate you on seamlessly including the phrase of the week shotgun wedding in your little anecdote John I know it wasn't actually a shotgun wedding they they had been dating for like 10 years but um so I just I just fictionalized that one detail so that I could get the story and thank you Hank I think that I think that I win the prize you definitely won that we definitely won this week I was thinking maybe I was gonna get the lyrics to Bex loser somehow but yeah I'd still wait for me now I mean will that like yes and I agree I honestly agree with you because it's not like it's one thing if something gets struck by lightning another thing if like the entire family goes like everybody's there one lightning strike could be like ah like the line has ended remember that remember the Jeffersons they are no more right now I would have been over the sole survivor wedding it's like that TV show where Keith or Southern becomes the president okay um we've got other questions this one's from Liliana who writes dear John and Hank hey this is one of those questions sometimes I feel like people send us in questions and what they really need is not advice or answers what they really need is reassurance that they are doing exactly the right thing okay and I think that Liliana is in such a situation she writes dear John and Hank I'm 15 and I'll be a sophomore in high school next year over the summer I've been asked over and over again by relatives and family friends all adults if I know where I want to go to college and what I want to study I have no idea so my default answer has just been to say fish and art before walking away what am I supposed to say to this question uh definitely fish and art yeah I mean you really all good you've cracked it you've cracked a code that's haunted high school sophomores for hundreds of years oh like why are you asking a high school sophomore anything about college oh and then when they say wait is fish and art what you want to study or where you want to go to university you just say fish fish and art and art fish and art I'm going to the University of Fish where I'm going to study art and fish I'm going to the University of Art and I'm going to be studying fish horticulture I apologize Pesca culture if my answer was ambiguous but I or perhaps I stuttered let me just repeat myself fish and art ask me again uncle ask me also really I'd like to encourage you to actually study fish and art oh yeah um either you know that can be a lot of different things like fish could be biology like wildlife biology it could be the dream ecology it could also be like actual agriculture like fish farming which is a growing industry and one that is in need of great people to be managing fish farms and art of course can mean pretty much anything so it's good to have a diverse group of knowledge like it's good to mix a creative degree like art with a potentially a degree that has like available jobs and that you'll develop marketable skills at like fish so yeah absolutely I just want to throw this out there as an option I also think that she could consider studying fish and other jam bands I'm sorry I'm sorry I want to apologize like is jam is jam-banned the phrase of the week why that's really really wedge did oh I mean fish is one of the leading jam bands thank you I said no gliana clearly spells it with an F and she's a teen she might not know how to spell fish yet I'm going to college to study the band fish I guarantee you that there are many many people who have written their undergraduate theses on the band fish I when I was a freshman in in college I listened to Trey Parker's senior thesis from his school which was a musical like a rock musical thing and I downloaded it in real media files and I listened to the whole thing it's real weird john I believe it I believe it yeah but that's what you brought us I don't think I took you there but we google phd thesis about the band fish not that I did that and not that I became the first person ever to google that particular search do you know what you learn what okay do you remember the band the offspring uh-huh yeah I'm just a sucker with no self-esteem away the lead singer of the offspring Dexter Holland has a phd in molecular biology from the university of southern California he just got it uh well just this year actually really yeah that's great I'm really I'm very I'm excited for Dexter yeah me too congratulations to txtor holland I don't know that the band the offspring and fish have anything in common but I appreciate google just trying to reach out and be broad john the podcast is brought to you by the molecular biology degree of Dexter Holland the former frontman for offspring or maybe current front-end for offspring oh so they could get it all done all at the same time that's right congratulations txtor holland and thanks for thanks for for being one of my favorite songs when I was in high school uh it's podcast is also brought to you by the lonely abyss of the courtyard mariot the lonely abyss of the courtyard mariot vast even endless uh of course this podcast is additionally brought to you by screvel screvel you don't know what it is and you're never gonna know what it is because it's a unique characteristic of my personality this one comes from gabby who says dear green brothers why do I always feel safer when I turn the lights on when I'm scared my first instinct is to turn every light in my house on but logically I have no clue what I would do if I saw someone standing there when I turned on the light reasonably I know that I would have just like a few extra moments of terror before getting murdered because I wouldn't be able to defend myself so why do I always feel the overwhelming urge to turn on the lights when I'm scared how frugal is the cherry at the bears the human soul yeah so like a while ago I read this really fascinating book called uh at days close night in times past that talked about uh what night was like for europeans before electric lighting and I think the reason we turn on the lights is because night for almost all of human history was a very bad dangerous scary time and lots of bad things could happen to you and you had very little warning uh that they were going to happen so I think like like from an evolutionary standpoint makes us nervous and from what I could gather from that book it ought to I mean gabby what I'm coming at this from is like I'm not I'm not turning on the lights so I can find the murderer I'm turning on the lights so I know the murder is definitely not there like if I found the murderer it'd be like this is worse than when the lights were off like I want the murderer to or whoever to be on their way and to do their thing I do not want to have a face to face encounter with a home intruder have my computers go ahead have a nice day but I want to know that that that person is not there and that is the only way to know that they are not there is to turn on all the lights and it's pretty amazing that we can what a wonderful moment we live in that's true I I agree 100 percent the only thing that I would add is that the other advantage turning on the lights is that potentially it makes those who would rather do their work uh in private and unseen suddenly be seen which I don't even know if that's good or bad I don't know all I know is that when I read this book at days closed it scared the living crap out of me and also I learned that in uh like early modern europe there was it was very common to wake up at two o'clock in the morning for an hour or two and then go back to sleep which is the weirdest thing about pre-19th century life that I've ever come across yeah that's when there was like a special special prayer time and then also that's when most of the babies got made yeah and I think maybe a little bit of like uh just sort of like let's go walk in the nice the nice chill of the evening no there was not a lot of walking scrub up the pants no some pants scrubbing no I don't know I mean I wasn't I wasn't there when you read the book John I just uh I just heard what the internet had to say about it okay yeah I just I found that time I don't know I've also been reading a really good book about uh 17th century Paris and the first police chief of Paris Hank that I have to recommend I think it's called City of Light City of Poison and oh it is a rip roaring adventure that is completely true this next question comes from Stacey who writes Dear John and Hank why can't my bathtub just be in my living room best fishes Stacey oh wow that's a good sign off it seems like she's been talking to Lilliana um yeah John I once had my bathtub in my bedroom oh yeah when uh when we lived in New York one of our closest friends had her bathtub in her kitchen and when when she asked the landlord why is the bathtub in the kitchen the landlord explained well because all the other plumbing is here it's just uh yeah I mean like there aren't any other it's not there doors in your apartment why why why is that like seven foot long pipe when I could just buy a one foot long pipe I mean yeah why have it why have a bathtub at all you've got a sink just crouch in there just get in there you know what I think you can have a bathtub in your living room and if you own your own home you can bring in a contractor and say the first thing that I would like to do when renovating this house is to put a bathtub in the dead center of the living room so that I can watch tv while I enjoy my luxurious baths and the contractor will probably say that's not gonna be great for resale value and then you tell them that um you want to do it anyway this is my house I when Catherine and I were looking for houses we did happen upon a home that had in the bedroom a giant jacuzzi tub that had clearly been put in by those owners out and the bathroom was there the bathroom was was like you could reach the bathroom door from the jacuzzi tub I was like why did you just make the wall go out around no no it's nice to have your master bedroom right up to the jacuzzi tub and then there was a step that you could step on to get in the jacuzzi tub that was also carpeted yes this was a very strange set of decisions it probably has something to do with the smell that's in here right now I think that was a relatively common decision back in the 80s sarin I also saw a number of houses that had had that particular layout and I would think like you know I love a good bath but I'm not sure that I want to bathe in the same room in which I sleep yeah it just seems it seems like a recipe for mold yeah the only reason that my apartment like was like that when I first moved to Montana was because clearly they did not have space for a shower so they put it in the bedroom that's that hank did you make any decisions when you were renovating your house that you knew were bad for resale value but you made because they bring you personal joy yeah I must have the one that I did was that I made a secret room in my house which was stupid from the perspective of how much money can you spend on a door turns out a lot but it was brilliant from the perspective of every time I walk into my secret room I feel as if for the first time overwhelmed by childlike joy do you have like is it just like a bunch of like like military equipment like Batman it's just like your bat car and or is it just like a bunch of pens and typewriters or something like you're my secret identity is I am I am the guy who writes those books that you've read no it's not like a bat cave you put on a put on a cape and then you take no no it's actually it's actually the room it's kind of like a work room it's the room in which I make vlogbrothers videos but it's also kind of a work room but if you walk up to the door it looks like a bookcase and then there's one particular book that if you tap it the bookcase opens and yeah it is pretty cool I mean I'll tell you what no one but me would enjoy it as much as I enjoy it but it brings me great joy every day oh yeah I have one the thing that I did that's terrible for reseal value is that we we have spruce floors which is just a terrible idea because it is very soft wood but I think it's beautiful when I love it so much well there you go I think I think you've got to live your own life and if you want a bathtub in your living room then do it man make it happen yeah mine's super boring it's the kind of wood we chose for the floor it was actually it was already there there was there was carpet over it and the contractor was like this is just gonna get all dented up and I was like yeah with my life every dent is gonna be another thing that happened in my home get out of here I think that's that's actually quite a beautiful idea Hank that over time the floors will change because you have lived with them I quite like that this next question comes from Clara or if I've learned anything in the last few weeks possibly Clara or Clara all I know is that I'm definitely mispronouncing it dear John and Hank why are story problems in math book so bizarre I've had some weird ones like a boy who wanted to make dodecahedron shaped cookies as a romantic gesture for his girlfriend and the one where a boy was driving near you Matilla saw a circular irrigation pipe that was 450 feet long from his car and wanted to know the area of it also why do people in math books not have Google to measure the height of the staff for the pretty so as to prevent height induced nosebleeds most people would just you know google it I honestly do not I do not know and I find the word problems very frustrating because it is as if someone said no we need to find real life ways to apply this knowledge to the world and then it was like well let's come up with the weirdest most contrived real life ways that we could possibly think of that are just so outside of anyone's experience that they might as well be scrummed right if the idea is that like oh you do use math in your everyday life then you're gonna be like but I'm never gonna go to you Matilla so it's this is irrelevant to me I've always thought I've always thought it was because like it's a way of trying to like imprint the ideas by making the examples so weird and obscure that you like you use the weirdness of the ideas as part of understanding the solution but I truly don't know and it has I remember it's striking me as very weird when I was like a middle school and high school student and I'm sure based on Claire's experience things have not gotten more normal I mean yeah I did that one math video on Vibra there's one upon a time and I had some word problems at the end of it and I did choose to make them as weird as possible but I also tried to make them very life and death like not like I wonder what the circumference of that irrigation pipe is more like like there's like you are going to die if you cannot solve this math problem quick that's definitely the way to approach it I mean people need to understand that when you use math in your daily life it's in an attempt to avoid being eaten by a bear yeah which is really that like in some ways it actually like when I use math in my everyday life it's almost always statistically and it is almost always pretty important to my life yes like I think that understanding statistics is very important to business and to but also to like making sound decisions financially and and for your family's assessment yeah absolutely I would very much like to see more statistics taught earlier on I just think that people are often like well statistics isn't worth teaching if we can't get into the nitty-gritty's and I'm like it's so is and we should yeah maybe one of our math teacher listeners will be able to explain word problems to us in the meantime Hank we need to get to some name specific sign-offs because we got some great ones this week my favorite of the week came in from Sarah who wrote that she signs off her emails by saying quesara sera that's real good that's real good well I let me get one now this person's name is Kean who says my name is specific sign-off only if you realize that ci and is pronounced Kean a lock is what you put a key in it's pretty great and Emma wrote in with a number of really good name specific sign-offs including get busy living or get busy comma Ryan this next one makes me really wish that I had named my son Harry so that he could have his sign-offs you're a wizard and I like also she has one for Adam it's not a bridge it's comma Adam and she signs off her own email by writing I've been faced with a real deal comma Emma dilemma it's there it's there for me I got it yeah yeah it works especially because maybe you could be faced with a real deal just like a pickle like a real a real big deal yeah um also we have to just share one correction because Hank got something wrong again and it makes me so happy when he gets things wrong um but I got two things wrong first off Amanda wrote in to say that in many places it is not actually legal to pick up a rock and no that's not a rock you can do it anyway and Kelly wrote in to say dear John and Hank I am the on-site manager of a homeowners association and I would just like to pause right here and say Kelly there are some people who are doing the Lord's work and there are some people who are doing the Lord's work and you are the second kind oh my god let us thanks for Kelly and all on-site manager of homeowners associations everywhere I felt that he to write it on the topic from last week regarding whether or not it is okay to deposit your dog's poop into a neighbor's trash can even the number of complaints I've received from homeowners regarding this very issue I can assure you that the answer is a very strong no it is not okay I mean why are these people going through their own trash well how do you even know that it happened I mean I don't understand how you know it like it's the trash at that point it's trash the only person who's going to deal with it after this point is the person who puts it in the back of the garbage truck if anybody's got a complaint it should be them I think the bigger issue is if there's a hole or if the bag breaks then you've potentially got poop in the bottom of your trash can't bin forever and you've got to clean it out she went into a great detail and made a compelling argument and also if we can make life easier for the on-site managers of homeowners associations worldwide please let us do that because I have been to many a homeowners association meeting and I have never felt that kind of despair anywhere else yeah I have also and it is not grand some people are good at it some people can take that on and do it well and I'm sure that Kelly is one of those people but I am not Hank we're recording this well in advance so it's going to be a little difficult for us to do the Mars and Wimbledon news but we're going to persevere by a bold new segment in which we predict what the news from Mars and or Wimbledon will be 11 days from now all right what are you got okay Hank AFC Wimbledon in a really stunning turn of events played two games over the last nine days they played Portsmouth and Blackpool and this is going to surprise you but they won both games six points from two games beating Blackpool 2-1 with a last second winner from Substitute Lyle Taylor the messy from Montserrat the Montserratty and Cristiano Ronaldo some column and then up against Portsmouth one of the biggest teams in league one a fan owned club like AFC Wimbledon Wimbledon won three nil three nil victory for AFC Wimbledon in my hypothetical future against Portsmouth I mean I guess you're trying to maybe like get some accuracy out of this but why didn't you just make it five 16 you know what I apologize Lyle Taylor scored a hat trick and AFC Wimbledon beat Portsmouth by five goals they won eight to three oh man those goalkeepers need to get their their goalkeeper hands on oh no our goalkeeper stopped 47 shots okay good good wow I think there's another problem then what will happen in Mars in Mars news 11 days from now if I have no anything from Googling Mars news every week it's that someone will feel as if they have seen something in a picture from the surface of Mars that either confirms the existence of aliens or confirms that NASA has not in fact gone to Mars and that it's all on a sound stage and that that is a gum wrapper isn't it so I can confidently predict that there will be a story of that kind published somewhere on the internet 11 days from there I don't think that's I'm going to encourage you to be bolder and go ahead and make a prediction that flat Marsism is going to spread through Twitter like wildfire well what do you think that flat earthers think that Mars is a planet so they also think that Mars is flat do they it's I don't know of course I don't know I don't pay any attention to flat earthers I believe that flat earthers are 90 percent trolls and 10 percent very confused even the even the 10 percent like their trolls they just have internalized it so deeply that they forgot they were once trolls but yes I'm sure that they think Mars is a coin flipping out there and this always do well no no no right it's all the way down yeah it's turtles all the way down man I am right now on the Flat Earth Society discussion boards for the question is Mars Venus Mercury etc. flat 2 it's one of the leading topics of recent conversation on the flat earth discussion words yep there it is because the the first comment which is very compelling is they look through a telescope anyway question mark and then the first reply is they're round just like the earth because I believe that flat earthers believe that the earth is round but just not right spherical circular circular but that's very cool yeah yeah um I mean I feel like I need to read this entire this entire thread it's been this conversation's been going on since 2010 but it is recently updated I like the person who recently wrote look no one is claiming that other celestial bodies are flat come on don't don't make us look like idiots here of course Mars is spherical well I mean there was a reply to that to that one that says each and every one of the heavenly bodies has the shape of a disc there are no spherical planets and then a lot of references oh my god oh I'm on that one including the including the impossibility of a spherically shaped sun is a whole man oh man oh god oh man okay I actually you know what that's that's it that's it that I hit the limit I'm off I'm out I'm not going to handle flat earth is I cannot handle flat sun is them I can't I can't I mean I think there's a place for all kinds of opinions on the internet but flat Sun is it flat Sun is where I draw the line so all right John so aside from the futility of that John's down the Google whole what did we learn today I mean I feel like I just unlearned so much well we learned that there are a lot of words for dingus do hickey and thing imaging and we learned that hickey is not just that that suck bruise it's also it's also apparently a thing the little doodler the dude and dingus we learned that Dexter Holland has a PhD in microbiology I thought that he has a PhD yes oh man did you know we know this thing I mean I was reading that I agree I did that was a PhD it's great is dr.
Dexter Holland of the offspring oh that's that's wonderful and lastly we learned that pharmacy schools are really out to get those most unique of candidates there's no such thing as being more or less unique if you are unique you are unique personal I should let that go but I did it and I just now I have to apologize for not letting it go okay thank you for potting with me Hank I don't know how unique works I don't know how pharmacy schools work either it's been a pleasure if you want to email us you can do so at hank and john at gmail.com we're also on twitter I'm John Green Hank is Hank Green this podcast is produced by Rosie on Halzerothon shared in Gibson it's edited by Nicholas Jenkins our community manager is Victoria Bonjourno you can find Dear Hank and John on patreon where you can get our special weekly short podcast called This Week in Ryan's where we discuss one famous Ryan throughout history who usually isn't actually named Ryan this theme music that you are hearing right now is from the great Gunnarolla you can find him on youtube.com slash Gunnarolla and as they say in our hometown don't forget to be awesome