#109: How to Navigate Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day can be a tender holiday for most women working to heal from sexual betrayal, namely, a painful reminder of what she doesn't have. In this episode, we discuss how to navigate this loaded holiday well, no matter where you are on the healing journey.   What I would love for all women to do is reframe the holiday as an opportunity for her to truly take up her space, practice using her voice, and asking for (and figuring out) what she needs in order to make it a day that works for her. Jason chimed in and challenged men to see it as an opportunity to show her that he will honor her needs and her wants.   So how do we do this exactly?   #1 - Check out page 19 in the Rescued workbook - for the "Four Questions" mentioned in the episode. #2 - We talk about some of the things she might need Valentine's day to be, given it's such a loaded holiday: an ordinary day with no discussion. a galentine's day celebration. a day to grieve: get angry, sad, feel the hurt. a day to be known. #3 - Allow there to be NO pressure on her. Hard stop. This is both for her (and him) to embrace.   Jason's practical strategies for guys:   #1 - No expectations for the day (take it from Jason, as he clearly had expectations from me, as you will hear in this episode, given his resentment!!!). #2 - Hold off on surprises. #3 - Grandiosity is not the answer. #4 - Don't do something that reminds her of his past acting out. #5 - Humble Ownership. #6 - Initiate a conversation about the day. Front-load; expect the conversation could spiral. This is part of the process.   After we stopped recording, I regretted not sharing a couple of other things. Four days later, as I type these show notes, I can't remember what they were. But at the time, they were GOOD thoughts. Hope what we did share is helpful!   We are so glad YOU are here. Thanks for joining us for Season #8. For my mother's famous sugar cookie recipe (or possibly the Better Homes and Gardens cookbook recipe, not sure?!) - click on this link, I will include it in the next two {almost} monthly letters, to make sure all of you receive it! If you are interested in a couples conference/event, we would love for you to let us know by filling out this quick form. Ladies, would love for you to consider one of our support groups - there are two new groups starting in March!  You can snag all the details here. Same with 1:1 Coaching - if you are curious about 1:1 coaching - start here. Anchored, led by Kate Jones, is SOLD OUT.  It is a fantastic class, and if you are interested in taking this class in the future, join the WaitLIst here.  No stress, it WILL come back! The Worthy of Her Trust Workshop for men, outside San Antonio, TX, is SOLD OUT. Join the WaitList for the next workshop here. We will be uploading the video portion of the podcasts to the WOHT Academy website. If you scroll to the bottom of this page, you'll find the signup button for our Public Content Section. If the content is helpful, you might consider joining the Academy membership to access more teaching videos and weekly live teaching with our team.   For more information on RL Academy, click here. Join the community on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. Podcast Freebies can be found here. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses, and online courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop Click here to subscribe to Shelley's {almost} monthly letter + monthly polls + all the things. Click here to subscribe to Jason's list. Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast