11: Healing the Hurts in Your Marriage

Welcome back to another episode on The Love How Deep Podcast.  Today we are talking about Healing from Hurts.  These could be hurts that have specifically developed from things between you and your spouse or maybe events and issues outside your relationship.   Let's jump in and get started.   Key Verse  Is anyone among you sick? Let him  call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if He has committed sins, He will be forgiven. (James 5:14-15) Teaching When we hear the word "scar" we often think of a physical scar.  Those things are reminders of something stupid you did or a surgery you had.  I have them all over my body and when I see them I am reminded of God's healing power.   A scar is stronger than ordinary skin and it represents healing.  And if you let Him, God can use your trauma or injury as a testimony of what He has done in your life to heal you.  Let's use this example of a scar and apply it to the ones we cannot see, our emotions, our minds, our hearts.  We must remember that emotional hurts and the scars that develop from healing can be just as difficult and painful to navigate as a physical issue.  The tricky thing is that oftentimes we can't see the healing process taking place in someone else.  "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds" Psalm 147:3 Healing Definition Healing is to make well again.  Healing can also be described as the "alleviating or relieving of pain caused from a wound."  Wounds can be caused from minor hurts or major abuses emotionally, physically or spiritually as we discussed in the forgiveness section.  A Process Healing of any kind (emotional or physical) is a process.   Questions often come up when we talk about emotional healing.  How long will it take?  When will I feel better?  What should I do to hasten healing?  What should I do to heal properly?  How will I know when I have healed?  What role does my Spouse play in my healing?  What Does God Say? Letting Go and Letting God:  Over and over again, the bible commands us to take our requests to God and allow God to do the work.    "Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise" (Jer 17:14).   Remember the humility we talked about in a previous section, God also calls us to be humble through this process as well, "If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land. (2 Chr 7:14) Regarding 2 Chr 7:14, some interpretations of "land" can mean "people in the land." Faith: God also calls His people to have faith that healing has already been purchased for us.  "He himself bore our sins in His body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By His wounds you have been healed." (1 Peter 2:24).  And to have faith that we can be healed:  "And he said to her, "Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace, and be healed of your disease." (Mark 5:34).  We need faith the size of a mustard seed and then we can say to this mountain to move and it will be moved (Matt 17:20).  Your emotional struggles are the mountain that may be keeping you from full life and a whole marriage.  You've got to have that faith in Jesus that He can heal your heart and your hurts. Elders and Anointing Oil: "Is anyone among you sick?  Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord." (James 5:14).  Remember this sickness doesn't just have to be something physical, but it can also be mental or emotional.  It can be an old wound from childhood, a previous relationship or in your relationship with each other.  Anointing oil is a symbol of the Holy Spirit.  In the old testament anointing oil was reserved for priests of the day to use, but Peter expanded that to include us all because those who follow Christ are all leaders in some capacity.  He says, "But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light… 1 Peter 2:9.  As you can see Peter is saying that no longer is anointing oil reserved for use by elders, but also by you, a royal priest! There is nothing magical about this oil but more of what the oil represents.  It represents the Holy Spirit who lives is in us and heals us.  It is the soothing balm we need, especially while the wounds are still fresh and raw.  Pray for the Holy Spirit  to continue the work that has been started today in you and your spouse.  Pray for peace and comfort in each of your minds. Pray for healing to take place.  We belong to God and have committed ourselves holy into His care. Pray Together  Praying Together with Others is also hugely important to the healing process.  This passage speaks specifically about sin which is sometimes the cause of a wound, "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." (James 5:16). Illustration/Personal Story   As a blended family we experienced a number of hurts and brokenness as we tried to raise our daughter.  Brian had his ideas and I had mine.  Many times we did not agree which left me feeling like a bad step-mom and Brian feeling caught in the middle.  I was hurt because I didn't feel listened to and that my opinions didn't count.  This was an ongoing struggle that went on for years.  It left me with emotional scars, bitterness, and unforgiveness towards both Brian and Kendra.  Things did not improve until we sought out help from others who could help us navigate the tricky task of parenting.  Once we were on the same page we became a united front in the decisions of raising our daughter.  I wish that I could say things improved completely in our household but that was not the case.  However, we worked to support each other so our relationship grew stronger.  We learned to listen to each other and respect our differences and points of view.  And healing did take place.  Forgiveness was a process but it did happen.  The emotional scars are there but the difference is that they don't hurt anymore. Couple Application: What Can You Do For Your Spouse A good place to start is to pray, have patience, and be positive. Pray So what can you do to help your spouse heal from their hurts?  First and foremost you pray, you pray, and you keep praying.  God is the one who heals those wounds that cut so deep.  You want to pray for your spouse to begin to feel the healing power of God and feel the closeness and tenderness of the Holy Spirit .  Patience/Rest Another practical thing you can do is to be patient!  Just like physical healings take varying amounts of time, emotional healings do as well.  As you continually pray, wait patiently.  You don't want to assume your spouse is "good to go" because he/she has placed their hurts in the box on the alter.  Recognize that time is necessary.  Positivity And as you practice patience be the encouragement your spouse needs.  Pour words of life into him/her.  Remain positive.  When you see growth, say something!  These three things are so powerful: prayer, patience, and positive encouragement.  By creating a lifestyle  like this your spouse is allowed to heal in God's timing.  Your marriage will be strengthened. Conclusion:   Healing is process.  You will be better for going through it together Links Noted in Today's Show Online Forgiveness Course Love How Deep Marriage Conference