11. Suicide

Life is real. And hard. So hard for so many of us. Yet we survive the moments that will pull us into the void and come back willing to be here, to keep trying, to keep living and angling ourselves towards life and the gift of being alive. This podcast is about what it means to be ALIVE and to live well. But what happens when it’s hard to keep ourselves alive? I’m a suicide survivor – that’s what I call myself as someone who has considered suicide at different points of my life. I’m choosing not to carry shame in it any more. I’m opting into life in such a powerful way and choosing to build my strength and resourcefulness so that I live with intentionality and humility at the very real proximity of death that we all live with. I am wise, powerful, smart, vibrant, full of love AND prone to not wanting to be here or feeling incapable of being here any longer. Suicidality isn’t a wilful state. It isn’t something that happens to “weak” people or those who have “chemical imbalances” or who have survived unspeakable traumas. You can be a badass B, like me, and still experience it. So journey with me as I share my story. And what I’ve learned about how to cope and rescue myself when I’m in the valley of the shadow of death. And how I’m learning to face the full reality of life – which is partly what I’ve been trying to escape. And how I’m discovering that when you save your life and heal you have to learn how to use the parts that you’ve healed and that is just as hard as saving your life was – if not harder!