118: A Journey Revealing Polyamory And Self-Honesty In a Monogamous World with Terri Fernandez

What does it mean to be open, transparent, and honest? When it means discovering you are polyamorous, there may be challenges and surprises that come. Dr. Terri Fernandez talks about the journey in discovering she is polyamorous at heart while being compassionate in a monogamous marriage. Her experience includes a depth of fear and hurt, as well as joys. She shares her own body reactions, partner reactions and some major losses on the journey. Also, questions about how you set up life as polyamorous especially being in a monogamous marriage and what is commitment? How can you be fully honest?Terri and I mutually discuss past generations and pressures, what family constellations has to do with a Poly view, what life would be like if Poly were always an option, repression is a superpower, how we each discovered our own polyamorous journeys.Clinically trained with a specialization in forensic psychology, Dr. Fernandez now works exclusively with our veterans in the Department of Veterans Affairs. Providing primarily trauma-informed, evidence-based therapies to treat PTSD, she uses her integrative theoretical orientation and certified training in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy to help our veterans process traumatic experiences with present-moment awareness, as well as address other psychological difficulties from a non-judgmental and compassionate approach. Terri Fernandez, Psy.D. is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist.Terri is a native Texan, reformed gamer, and wannabe lichenologist. She returned to her hometown of Texas (currently based in Austin) after living and training in Chicago, Kansas City MO, and Gainesville FL. Links, Article, and ResourcesAll Show Notes for This Episode📝 https://CandiceWu.com/terri Podcast Homepage🎧 https://candicewu.com/podcastNewsletter & Embody Community💌 https://candicewu.com/embody-communityDonations – Your Support Means So Much!💝 https://candicewu.com/supportCandice Wu Page on Facebook👫 https:///EmbodyYourNatureFollow Candice on Instagram📷 https://instagram.com/EmbodyYourNature Sponsored by the Monthly Embodied Group Healing CallCraving some soul and body support each month in a compassionate space? This is for you if you would like to learn tools to move through your experience, tuning into your intuition and developing your empowerment with body wisdom, and clearing limiting beliefs through your entire being.All the proceeds go towards the Podcast Production and to nourish the love in each episode.Check out the Monthly Group Call and other Patreon Gifts for supporters at CandiceWu.com/support. Show Notes0:00 Intro1:02 Sponsored by the Monthly Embodied Group Healing Call1:36 Introducing the Topic6:02 Welcoming Terri and Setting the Scene7:04 How Songs and Phrases Can Check You Into the Moment9:15 Letting Go of Pressures From Previous Generations11:55 Life’s Dividing Moments13:00 Grad School — Self-Examination15:18 Terri’s Poly Journey19:20 Terri’s Superpower — Repression20:46 Shifting Out of a Catholic Family Structure22:29 What if Poly Would Have Always Been an Option?24:13 How Do You Set Up Life & Relationships Around Polyamory?25:46 What Have Been Surprises Along This Journey?29:44 How Much Are You Able to Hold?31:08 Opening Up a New World — Plato’s Allegory Cave34:07 Different Context of Exploration (In Marriage and Dating)41:45 Exploring Poly With Family Constellations43:41 Polyamory in Past Generations48:21 A Body Reaction and Partner Reaction52:28 Socially Accepted, Acceptable, or Understandable?54:40 Emotional Cheating?55:35 Being Honest and Open Is the Most Painful Peace57:55 What Does It Mean to Be Open and Honest? What Does It Mean to Be Transparent? What Does Commitment Mean?1:04:20 The Reality — Little Understanding in Surrounding Couples1:05:41 The Depth of Fear and Hurt That You Walk Through Discovering Poly1:08:25 Excavating More of What Is Here1:12:21 What Parts of the Journey Have You Enjoyed?1:15:22 All Kinds of Struggles — Poly Turning Mono and Exploring Poly in Marriage1:20:22 The Doors You Walk Through… There May Be Deaths1:22:54 Gratitude & Lots of Kindness and Gentleness1:24:25 Outro