12 Steps Series: Step Six

In this episode, we cover Step Six of the Twelve Steps Codependents’ Guide To The Twelve Steps, Melody Beattie STEP 6 - Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character (Our Protective Devices) Quote #1 - “ “I hate the language ‘defects of character,’” said Beth… “I believe we act codependently because we’re wounded. And telling someone who’s wounded he or she is defective or that they’ve sinned or that they fall short of the mark is abusive.” ”(p98 Codependents’ Guide, M. Beattie) Quote #2 - “We become ready to let go of our fear of being controlled- -which for many of us is as great as, or greater than, our desire to control or manipulate another. We let go of allowing others to control us, our lives, or our happiness. We become ready to let go of our caretaking our tendency to focus on the problems, issues, feelings, needs, choices, and lives of an-other; the underlying belief that we are responsible for others. We become willing to be healed from the issues underlying care-taking: weak or inappropriate boundaries or limits; an unclear sense of self, self-responsibility, and the responsibilities of others. We become willing to be healed from the belief that others, or ourselves, are incompetent and cannot take care of us.” (p99 Codependents’ Guide, M. Beattie) Quote #3 - P 99-100 - List of Protective Devices (Defects of Character) “We become ready to let go of: Low self-esteem Our self-neglect, and the belief that we aren't responsible for ourselves and cannot take care of ourselves Our desire to have others take care of, or be responsible for, us Self-rejection Self-hatred Lack of self-trust Lack of trust in God, life, and the process of recovery Our trust issues with people inappropriately placed trust, and not trusting when it is appropriate Our addictions Guilt Shame that pervading sense that who we are is not okay We become ready to let go of our inability to own our power, to think, feel, be who we are, take care of ourselves, and enjoy life. We become ready to let go of our difficulty with setting appropriate boundaries and limits with people. We become ready to let go of our reluctance to feel and deal with our feelings: Our difficulty dealing with and expressing anger Our inability to experience joy and love Our negativity, hopelessness, and despair Our fear of joy and love Our fear of commitment A closed mind, or a closed heart Our attraction to unavailable people and dysfunctional systems Our need to be in dysfunctional relationships and systems Our need to be perfect Our abuse from childhood Our need to be victims and our participation in our own victimization” (pp99-100 Codependents’ Guide, M. Beattie) Quote #4 - “We become ready to let go of our blocks and barriers to joy and love, even when we cannot name those blocks and barriers. We ask God to take away everything that stands in the way of us having all we deserve in our lives. We ask God to show us the blocks or defects we need to be willing to let go of, and help us become willing to let go of them all.” (p100 Codependents’ Guide, M. Beattie) Quote #5 - “Then I lay still for a moment and quietly worked the Sixth Step. “Help me become ready to let go of the fear, the pain, the panic, the lack of trust, and all the rest I've become enmeshed in," I said. "Help me become ready to let go of this pain, instead of trying to make other people stop it or change how I feel." (p105 Codependents’ Guide, M. Beattie)