122. The Catch-22 of Attraction: Why We Want Love but End Up with Distance

Send Gemma a messageWhen your heart wants closeness but your “old map” keeps pulling you toward distance, you’re stuck in the Catch-22 of attraction. In this episode, Gemma explains how early schemas quietly shape who you’re drawn to, why “chemistry” so often points you toward the familiar (not the healthy), and what it takes to consciously rewrite your Love Template so you can choose emotionally available partners.In this episode, you’ll learnWhat a schema is (quick primer) and why it’s more useful than attachment boxesHow the Abandonment schema fuels anxious preoccupation, magical thinking, and self-fulfilling patternsWhy Emotional Deprivation normalises giving a lot while rarely feeling seen or nurturedHow Defectiveness/Shame covertly lowers your standards and tolerates poor treatmentThe role of Subjugation and Self-Sacrifice in silencing yourself early, then staying too longWhy attraction isn’t random and how your Love Template (old map) picks partners for you on autopilotThe Healthy Adult shift: moving from familiar chemistry to choosing steady, emotionally available partnersKey takeawaysAttraction pulls toward what’s familiar, not necessarily what’s good.“I’ll just go with the flow” keeps you on autopilot; intentional dating rewrites the outcome.Knowledge is power BUT applied knowledge (with guidance) is transformation.Your patterns in romance often ripple into career, friendships, and self-worth, change one, and others shift.Try this this weekName your top 1–2 schemas you hear in this episode.Write one “Healthy Adult” decision you’ll make before your next date (e.g., “If communication is inconsistent in the first 2 weeks, I’ll opt out kindly and early”).List 3 signals of emotional availability you’ll move toward (e.g., follow-through, steady pace, repair after missteps).Resources & next stepsJOIN Love Wisely - NOW OPEN Enrollment closes 17th Sept ▶︎ Learn moreSupport the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here