Healing For Love

Send Gemma a messageSituationships aren't new, but today they have a name.They're often marked by uncertainty, mixed messages, hope, and one person wanting much more than the other.In this episode, I explore five common signs that you're caught in a situationship that's unlikely to become the relationship you're hoping for.More importantly, we look at the psychology behind why so many intelligent women find themselves staying in these painful, ambiguous dynamics.In this episode you'll learn:What defines a situationshipFive signs your situationship is going nowhereWhy uncertainty can become so emotionally consumingHow situationships slowly undermine self-worth and confidenceThe role of abandonment, emotional deprivation and other schemas in keeping women stuckWhy understanding your relationship patterns is the first step towards changing themIf you've ever wondered whether you're holding on to hope rather than evidence, this episode is for you.Free MasterclassWhy Smart Women Override Red Flags in DatingDiscover the 5 hidden Love Traps that keep women stuck in unhealthy relationship patterns.Register via the link in the show notes.Work With MeLove Wisely Foundations – my self-paced online program.Love Wisely – my flagship group coaching experience, designed to help women intentionally rewrite their Love Template and break long-standing relationship patterns.For more information, visit:www.drgemmagladstone.comSupport the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageHave you ever wondered why relationships can feel so emotionally intense?Why you find it difficult to leave someone, even when you know they're not right for you?Or why emotionally unavailable partners seem to become a recurring pattern?In this episode, I explore one of the most important psychological patterns I see in my work with women - the abandonment schema (or abandonment wound).Drawing on nearly 30 years of experience in psychology and schema therapy, I explain how early experiences of inconsistency, loss, emotional absence or disrupted attachment can quietly shape our expectations of love, influence who feels familiar, and make it much harder to walk away from relationships that aren't meeting our needs.You'll learn:• What an abandonment schema actually is• How it develops during childhood• Why it often shows up most strongly in romantic relationships• How it influences attraction and partner selection• Why emotionally unavailable relationships can feel strangely familiar• The link between abandonment and overriding red flags• Why this schema can keep you hoping, waiting and staying far longer than is healthy• How understanding your abandonment pattern can become the first step towards creating healthier, more secure relationshipsIf you've ever found yourself repeatedly attracted to emotionally unavailable, avoidant or narcissistic partners, or you've wondered why leaving unhealthy relationships feels so incredibly difficult, this episode will help you understand what's happening beneath the surface.Free MasterclassWhy Smart Women Override Red Flags in DatingDiscover the 5 hidden love traps that keep women stuck in painful relationship patterns.Love Wisely Group CoachingMy flagship coaching program, offered only twice each year, where we work together over three months to intentionally rewrite your Love Template and create healthier relationship patterns.Private CoachingFor women wanting personalised support to understand and change long-standing relationship patterns.ConnectWebsite:www.drgemmagladstone.comInstagram:@drgemmagladstoneIf you enjoyed this episode, I'd really appreciate it if you subscribed, left a review, or shared it with someone who may need to hear it.Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageIf you're serious about finding an emotionally available partner, there are some important shifts that can dramatically improve your chances of creating a healthy relationship.In this episode, I break down the practical dating advice I most often share with my coaching clients. Women who are tired of repeating painful relationship patterns and want to approach dating with more clarity, confidence, and self-trust.One of the biggest misconceptions about dating is that women who end up in unhealthy relationships simply fail to see the warning signs.In my experience, that's rarely true.Most women notice far more than they give themselves credit for.The challenge is often not spotting the red flags—it's understanding the deeper patterns that make it difficult to trust yourself and act on what you already know.If you're ready to approach dating differently and want to understand the hidden psychological forces that influence attraction and decision-making, this episode is for you.Free Live MasterclassWhy Smart Women Override Red Flags in Dating (Even When They Know Better)Discover the 5 hidden love traps that keep women stuck in painful relationship patterns and learn how to make wiser, more self-honouring decisions in dating.Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageHave you ever left a date feeling completely conflicted?  Part of you feels excited.Part of you feels anxious.  Part of you wants to see them again.And part of you feels relieved it's over.In this episode, I explore why dating can feel so confusing and how different parts of ourselves can interpret the exact same situation in very different ways.Drawing on concepts from Schema Therapy, I introduce three key voices that often show up when we're dating. You'll learn how old wounds such as abandonment, emotional deprivation, defectiveness and people-pleasing patterns can quietly influence attraction, decision-making and relationship choices.I also explore common dating coping modes includingMost importantly, we'll look at how to strengthen the Wise Self - the part of you that can step back, gather information, spot red flags, honour boundaries and make healthier relationship decisions.In this episode you'll learn:Why dating can feel so confusing at timesHow vulnerable parts of us influence attractionThe role of coping modes in dating and relationshipsWhy familiarity can be mistaken for compatibilityHow schema chemistry can override good judgementThe questions your Wise Self needs to be askingHow to recognise who is currently "holding the microphone"Why healthy dating involves learning to date from wisdom rather than from your woundResources Mentioned:Love Wisely FoundationsLove Wisely Group Coaching ProgramDating Profile Check-Up1:1 Coaching with Dr Gemma GladstoneSupport the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageIn this episode of Healing for Love, Dr. Gemma Gladstone explores the early warning signs of controlling, narcissistic and potentially coercive relationship dynamics - particularly the subtle behaviours that many women dismiss, minimise or explain away in the beginning.This episode is not about blame. It is about prevention, awareness and learning to trust yourself earlier.Gemma breaks down: why some controlling behaviours can initially look like care or protection  how love bombing and boundary crossing often work together  the subtle ways controlling people gradually erode your autonomy  why narcissistic and coercively controlling individuals struggle to tolerate your individuality and separateness  how early manipulation often appears through “small” interactions  why boundary creeping, guilt, criticism and emotional pressure matter  the connection between control, entitlement and coercive dynamics  why many women ignore or override their early instincts  the importance of recognising what gets in the way of leaving early  how schemas such as abandonment, emotional deprivation, subjugation and self-sacrifice can keep women stuck in unhealthy dynamics Gemma also discusses: emotional manipulation  intrusive behaviour disguised as care  isolation tactics  shame sensitivity and rage reactions  dependency-building behaviours  subtle control around appearance, friendships and daily choices  the psychological function of coercive control Most importantly, this episode highlights why early recognition matters.The sooner unhealthy dynamics are recognised, the easier it becomes to protect your sense of self, your wellbeing and your future.In this episode: What coercive control actually is  Why control often begins subtly  The difference between care and control  Early signs of dangerous relationship dynamics  Boundary crossing and “boundary creep”  Why love bombing can feel confusing  How controlling partners gradually isolate women  Why healthy partners tolerate difference and autonomy  How schemas can interfere with self-protection  Why taking relationships slowly mattersSupport the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageEXCITING NEWS - Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind program and receive early access benefitsWhy do some people constantly put others first, struggle to say no, worry excessively about upsetting people, or feel guilty for prioritising themselves?In this episode of Healing for Love, Dr. Gemma Gladstone explores the deeper psychology behind people pleasing through a schema therapy lens.This is not simply about being “too nice.” People pleasing is often a learned survival strategy rooted in early relational experiences, attachment dynamics, fear, guilt, conditional acceptance and coping styles developed in childhood.Gemma unpacks: What people pleasing actually is  Why it develops  The difference between self-sacrifice, subjugation and approval-seeking  Why guilt and fear often drive people pleasing behaviours  How early family dynamics shape self-suppression  Why some women struggle to set boundaries or speak up in relationships  The connection between people pleasing and emotionally unavailable or narcissistic partners  How schemas influence dating, relationships and self-trust  Why people pleasing is often linked to survival, safety and connection  Small practical steps to begin changing these patterns This episode also explores: Self-sacrifice schema  Subjugation schema  Approval-seeking schema  Abandonment dynamics  Conditional parenting  Coping modes and “dating personas”  The importance of reconnecting with your own needs, preferences and authenticity If you often: Put other people’s needs ahead of your own  Feel guilty saying no  Worry excessively about upsetting others  Need reassurance before making decisions  Stay quiet to avoid conflict  Feel anxious expressing yourself  Struggle with boundaries in dating or relationships …this episode will likely resonate deeply.Mentioned in this episodeGemma also shares details about her upcoming self-study program:Love Wisely Foundations (coming soon!) - a schema-informed relationship program designed to help women understand and rewrite unhealthy relationship patterns and “love template.”Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageDating apps can feel like a bit of a horror show at times.But underneath the frustration, the confusion and the endless swiping… there’s something much deeper going on.In this episode, I explore how your schemas - particularly abandonment, defectiveness, emotional deprivation and people-pleasing patterns - can shape: Who you feel drawn to  What you tolerate  And why you might ignore your own instincts I also walk you through a more grounded, intentional way to approach dating apps - not as “dating platforms,” but simply as introduction tools.Because real dating doesn’t happen on the app. It happens in real life.Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageThis episode is a special one - I’m sharing the audio from a recent live masterclass where I walk you through the deeper psychological patterns that drive attraction, and why insight alone often isn’t enough to change them.If you’ve ever found yourself drawn to emotionally unavailable, avoidant, or self-absorbed partners - even when you know better - this episode will help you understand why.I explore what’s happening beneath the surface, and what it actually takes to begin shifting these patterns from the inside out. What you’ll learn Why high chemistry is not always a sign of compatibility  The “love paradox” - wanting one thing, but being pulled toward something very different  How your early schemas (core emotional patterns) shape who you’re drawn to  What schema chemistry is and why attraction can feel so compelling - even when it’s not right for you  The role of people-pleasing, self-sacrifice, and loss of voice in dating  Why “just date more” or “choose better” doesn’t solve the problem  The key stages involved in breaking long-standing relationship patterns  How to begin rewriting your “love template” so you can move toward emotionally available partners This episode is for you if… You keep finding yourself in similar relationship dynamics  You’ve dated emotionally unavailable or avoidant men  You struggle to trust yourself in dating  You tend to over-give, over-accommodate, or lose yourself in relationships  You’re ready to understand why this keeps happening - and start doing things differently These patterns are not random - they are shaped by deeper, often unconscious processes. And once you understand them, you can begin to shift them.Want to go deeper?If this episode resonates, I also share more about my Love Wisely group coaching program inside this training.It’s a 12-week experience designed to help you: Understand your patterns clearly  Work with your schemas  Build self-trust  And begin relating in a way that supports the kind of relationship you actually want Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageIf dating tends to bring up anxiety, self-doubt, people-pleasing, or the urge to lose yourself in someone else, this episode is for you.In this practical episode, I’m speaking directly to women who tend to be very giving, very empathic, and very accommodating in relationships, but who often struggle to stay connected to themselves while dating.If you have a history of subjugation, self-sacrifice, under-entitlement, loose boundaries, or worrying too much about being “too much” or “too needy,” dating can quickly become stressful and confusing. You may find yourself focusing more on whether the other person likes you than on how you actually feel.In this episode, I walk you through 10 clear dating rules to help you feel calmer, more grounded, and more self-protective in the early stages of dating, without becoming closed off or guarded.This is about dating in a way that helps you stay connected to your own needs, your own feelings, and your own experience.In this episode, I cover:Why meeting early in real life is better than building a false sense of connection through endless textingWhy first dates should be short, simple, and low pressureThe importance of putting a time boundary around early datesWhy alcohol can make it harder to stay connected to your instincts and boundariesWhy you do not need to extend a date unless you genuinely want toWhy it is healthy to directly say you’d like to see someone again if that is true for youWhy it matters to keep your life running normally when you meet someone newWhy rushing physical intimacy can create attachment before real compatibility is clearHow to think about chemistry more wisely, especially if you have a pattern of schema chemistryWhy the most important question after a date is not “Did they like me?” but “How did I feel?”Key themes in this episode:This episode explores how schemas such as subjugation, self-sacrifice, abandonment, emotional deprivation, and under-entitlement can quietly shape the dating process.It also highlights a more grounded and emotionally healthy approach to dating:Dating is data.Rather than treating every date like a test of your worth, this episode encourages you to slow down, gather information, notice how you feel, and assess whether the other person is truly right for you.If this episode resonated:If you’ve been enjoying the podcast, I’d be so grateful if you left a quick review on Apple Podcasts. It really does help more women find the show.And if this episode made you think of someone in your life, feel free to share it with them.Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageIn this episode of Healing for Love, I respond to a thoughtful question from a listener who describes a relationship that is supportive and stable - yet something important is missing.Her partner is kind, affectionate, and easy to live with. But when it comes to emotional conversations, he rarely initiates them. Over time, she has begun to feel emotionally alone in the relationship.This is a surprisingly common dynamic.Many people find themselves in relationships where their partner cares deeply but struggles with emotional expression or emotional dialogue. The question then becomes: is this simply a difference in style, or does it signal something deeper about compatibility and emotional needs?In this episode, I explore how to think about this situation from both perspectives.We discuss:Why emotional intimacy matters in long term relationshipsThe difference between low emotional dialogue and true emotional neglectHow early experiences can shape someone’s emotional styleThe role schemas can play in how we interpret our needs in relationshipsWhy feeling like a “burden” when expressing needs is often an important clueHow to distinguish between lack of skill and lack of motivation in a partnerQuestions you can ask yourself to clarify what you truly need in a relationshipHow to communicate emotional needs in a constructive and specific waySometimes the most important shift is moving away from the question:“How do I change my partner?”And instead asking:“What kind of emotional life do I want to live in my relationship?”If you’ve ever found yourself wondering whether your emotional needs are “too much,” this episode will give you a thoughtful framework for understanding what’s really going on.Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageHey, if you'd like to reduce your chances of future relationship regret, then come to my free live training: Join hereHave you ever looked back on a past relationship and thought:Why did I stay so long? Why didn’t I see the signs earlier? If only I had done something differently…Relationship regret can be incredibly painful. Many people find themselves stuck replaying the past, analysing every decision and blaming themselves for how things turned out.But in this episode, I explain why this mental loop is not actually helping us heal.In psychology, the “should have, could have, would have” pattern is known as counterfactual thinking. It’s a form of rumination where the mind tries to solve an unsolvable problem - the past.And while it feels like we are trying to understand what happened, what is often happening underneath is emotional avoidance.Beneath regret there is usually something much more vulnerable:Grief.Grief about the relationship.Grief about what we hoped it would be.Grief about the loss of the future we imagined.In this episode, I explore:Why regret often keeps us stuck in ruminationThe psychology of counterfactual thinkingWhy self-blame is so common after difficult relationshipsHow rumination can block emotional healingThe grief that often sits underneath regretWhy painful relationships are not “wasted time”How our schemas influence what we tolerate in relationshipsHow to shift from self-blame to insight and growthSimple ways to respond differently when regret arisesI also look at an important reframe:Relationships are often our greatest teachers.Even the painful ones can reveal important truths about our emotional needs, our patterns, and the schemas that shape our relationship choices.When we approach our past with compassion rather than self-blame, we open the door to healing and to making wiser choices in the future.If this episode resonates with youMany of the women who join my Love Wisely program come with this same question:"Why did I end up in relationships like that?"Inside the program we explore the deeper psychological patterns behind attraction, schemas, and relationship choices - and how to create healthier relationships going forward.You can learn more about Love Wisely on my website.Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageIn Part 2 of this series, I continue unpacking the darker red flags that often show up early in dating – the ones that are easy to dismiss but costly to ignore.These are not minor quirks. They are patterns that predict future control, manipulation, blame-shifting, entitlement and emotional instability.In this episode, I explore:What I call “future mirroring” – a subtle form of love bombing designed to accelerate closenessThe chronic victim stance and how trauma dumping can be used as manipulationWhy repeated stories of being “wrongly accused” deserve careful attentionExaggerated reactions to frustration, shame or not getting their wayHow to recognise blame shifting earlyWhy high chemistry without character is not compatibilityHow to strengthen your intuitive muscle and trust your internal dataIf you’ve ever felt confused, slightly uneasy or pressured in early dating but talked yourself out of it – this episode is for you.I also share details about the upcoming round of Love Wisely, beginning April 16, and how you can join the priority list.Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageNot all red flags are equal.Some signal incompatibility.Others signal something much darker.In this episode, I’m breaking down the first three of my Top Five Dark Red Flags in Early Dating - the traits that, in my clinical experience, rarely improve with time and often predict controlling or deeply problematic relationship dynamics.If you’ve ever found yourself:Ignoring your gutGiving someone “the benefit of the doubt”Talking yourself out of discomfortWanting to be the easygoing, understanding oneThis episode is for you.I explore:Why people-pleasing schemas can keep you in situations you already know aren’t rightHow subtle pushiness can signal future controlWhy arrogance is one of the most dangerous personality traits to overlookThe difference between confidence and entitlementHow love bombing can be used strategicallyWhat “future mirroring” is and why it hooks so many intelligent womenI also explain why what you feel in your body matters - and how to recognise when someone is testing your compliance rather than building real connection.This is not about demonising people.It’s about helping you see clearly.Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageHere's a nurturing gift for youLet me know if you'd like more meditations like this 🩷🩷Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageMany women struggle in relationships without ever being taught one essential truth: you are allowed to have emotional needs.In this episode of Healing for Love, Gemma explores the concept of core emotional needs through a schema therapy lens and explains why unmet needs sit at the heart of so many repeating relationship patterns.You’ll learn how unmet emotional needs shape schemas like abandonment, emotional deprivation, subjugation, self-sacrifice and approval-seeking and why these patterns often lead women into relationships that feel unsafe, one-sided, controlling or emotionally barren.This episode is especially relevant if you have ever:Felt guilty for wanting “too much” in relationshipsStruggled to name your needs or voice your preferencesFound yourself prioritising others while neglecting yourselfStayed in relationships that felt familiar but deeply unsatisfyingFind out all about the six core emotional needs Key TakeawayA healthy relationship is not about chemistry or intensity.It is about how consistently your core emotional needs are met.Work With GemmaJoin the Love Wisely priority list for the April intakeStay tuned for details of a free training coming upApply for limited 1:1 coaching places currently availableSupport the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageIn today’s episode, I answer a short but powerful question that came in anonymously:“Hi Gemma, I cannot even get a match, let alone a date. What the hell is wrong with me?”If you’ve ever stared at a dating app wondering why nothing is happening and quietly concluded “it must be me”, this episode is for you.I'll look at three key areas:The reality of modern dating apps – why they create a distorted, “smorgasbord” environment where incredible, emotionally available people are often overlooked.Other people’s issues – how emotional immaturity, avoidance and misaligned intentions show up on the apps (and why you can’t control that).Your schemas and your “type” – how schema chemistry and rigid “type” criteria might be leading you towards emotionally unavailable partners and away from people who could actually be good for you.I’ll invite you to:Re-examine how you’re presenting yourself on the apps (without becoming a slave to what you think men want).Widen the pool by giving a chance to the “6 or 7 out of 10” guys (ie, the level of chemistry you feel! I'm not rating people!) who feel kind, calm and safe – rather than only chasing the intense 10/10 chemistry.Remember that your worth, lovability and desirability are not measured in matches.If you’re feeling discouraged or asking “what’s wrong with me?”, I want you to know: you are not the problem. Dating apps are hard and your current results say nothing about your deeper value or your capacity for a healthy, loving relationship.In this episode, you’ll learn:Why so many wonderful women and emotionally available men get passed over on dating appsHow our throwaway, dopamine-driven culture affects the way people swipeWhy leading with highly sexualised photos can accidentally screen out good menHow schema chemistry pulls you towards what’s “familiar” rather than what’s healthyHow to gently expand beyond your usual “type”Practical ways to pace yourself and protect your emotional wellbeing while datingResources mentioned:Free guide: Dating with Insight – download via the link in the show notes.Love Wisely – my 12-week online group program for women who want to break their pattern of choosing emotionally unavailable, narcissistic or avoidant partners. Doors open again in March – join the priority waitlist via the link in the show notes.Episode 130 – on cultivating a new dating mindset (recommended companion episode).Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageWe hear the term “emotionally unavailable” all the time, yet many women are not sure what the opposite actually looks like in real life. In this episode, Gemma breaks down emotional availability in clear, practical terms, so you can recognise it early, feel safer in your body and stop settling for relationships that leave you guessing.Gemma also explores how schemas like Emotional Deprivation and Abandonment shape what feels “normal” in love, why emotionally safe partners can feel boring or suspicious at first, and how you can slowly retrain your nervous system to relax into healthy connection.In this episode, you will learn:What the Emotional Deprivation schema isHow it forms in childhoodWhy it makes it hard to identify and express your needsWhy you can consciously want an emotionally available partner yet keep feeling pulled toward distance, inconsistency, or intensityHow schemas and your unconscious “love template” drive partner choice and keep you in familiar but unfulfilling patternsTen signs of an emotionally available partner, including someone who:Takes an active interest in you, asks thoughtful questions, remembers details, and wants to know your inner worldHas actions that match their words, shows up consistently, and follows throughIs emotionally responsive, listens when you are vulnerable, validates your feelings, and attempts repair after conflictIs predictable rather than chaotic, so your nervous system can settle instead of living on high alertIs willing to talk about the relationship and co create something with you instead of avoiding emotional conversationsHas emotional self awareness, can name their feelings, take responsibility, and does not shame you for having emotionsShows care through steady, thoughtful actions that leave you feeling valued and appreciatedAllows closeness without pulling away or going hot and cold after intimacyMakes room for your needs and respects your boundaries, instead of calling you “too needy” when you ask for contact or reassuranceIs kind in a felt way - gentle with your vulnerabilities, respectful in conflict, and emotionally generousWhy emotional availability can feel “boring” or even suspicious if you grew up with chaos, distance, or inconsistencyA real life example from a Love Wisely client who noticed her physical tension drop when she finally dated someone emotionally availableHow to start looking at your own relationship history through the lens of schemas and emotional availability so you can choose differently next timeGemma finishes with an invitation to reflect gently on your past connections without self blame, and to see emotional availability as something you can both recognise and build, inside yourself and with a partner.If this episode resonated, please leave a rating or review in your podcast app so more women can find Healing for Love.Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageDating can stir up every schema you have. If you have a history of emotionally unavailable partners, narcissistic relationships or spending years in situationships that never really went anywhere, getting back out there can feel both hopeful and terrifying.In this episode I walk you through ten grounded mindset shifts that help you stay in Healthy Adult mode while you date so you can notice red flags, take in green flags and stop abandoning yourself in the process.I talk about:Why dating is dataHow to shift the goal from “finding the one” to “showing up grounded and observant”How to stay open to experience and still be discerningWhat it means to embrace ambiguity without losing yourself, especially if you have an abandonment schemaWhy you need to replace “stay positive” with “stay real” so you do not slide into the “super easygoing, no needs” people pleasing roleThe power of focusing on internal milestones, not external outcomesHow to normalise the emotional rollercoaster of dating when schemas and old attachment wounds get activatedWhat it looks like to cultivate self trust over outcome obsessionHow to reframe rejection as clarity, especially when ghosting or avoidant behaviour shows you who someone really isWhy breaking the pattern of fantasy thinking is essential if you tend to fall for potential rather than realityThe protective power of letting people reveal themselves over timeThis episode is for you if:You have a history of choosing emotionally unavailable or narcissistic partnersYou find it very hard to tolerate uncertainty in early datingYou often override your needs because you do not want to be “too much” or “difficult”You get attached quickly and then feel anxious, preoccupied and on edgeYou want a practical, compassionate framework for dating differently1:1 coachingIf you would like to explore working with me privately you can email me at [email protected] for details on my coaching packages.Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageIn this episode, Gemma unpacks The Sorry Reflex - the automatic urge to apologise, even when we’ve done nothing wrong. Rooted in the subjugation schema, this coping behaviour often begins in childhood, where expressing needs or disagreeing felt unsafe. When our nervous system equates disapproval with danger, “sorry” becomes a way to stay safe and connected.Gemma explains how this pattern shows up in dating, relationships, and everyday interactions - especially for women conditioned to be accommodating. You’ll learn to identify your triggers (tone changes, sighs, silence), notice the body’s reaction, and experiment with opposite action to retrain your nervous system.You’ll also hear a real-life success story from one of Gemma’s Love Wisely group members, plus guidance on combining schema therapy and EMDR to heal the deeper beliefs beneath chronic apologising.If you’re tired of shrinking yourself, over-explaining or feeling guilty for taking up space, this episode will help you shift from “sorry” to self-trust.TakeawaysOver-apologising is a safety response, not good manners.Driven by subjugation, approval-seeking, and self-sacrifice schemas.Triggers: subtle signs of disapproval—tone, delay, sigh, silence.Body cues: chest tightness, racing heart, hyper-empathy.Short-term relief, long-term self-erasure.Opposite action = growth and rewiring.You can disappoint someone and still be safe and loved.Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageIf you are asking can this improve, this episode gives you a simple lens. Gemma unpacks two essential capacities that predict whether change is possible in a relationship. You will hear why the brain repeats what is familiar, how schemas drive loops and how to assess real readiness for growth in yourself and in someone you are dating.In this episodeWhy patterns repeat even when you want something differentThe role of schemas in attraction, conflict and copingTwo essentials that predict changeWhy avoidance blocks growthDating as data, plus a new way to date with self awarenessAre you ready to join Love Wisely? Doors open again in Feb 26. Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageWhat limerence really is, why it hooks into our deepest unmet needs and how to gently unhook using a schema-therapy lens.In Part 2, Gemma explores limerence as a preoccupying, often intoxicating state that’s fueled by unmet needs - with abandonment and emotional deprivation schemas usually at the core. She explains why the brain’s reward systems (hello, dopamine) and a quieted prefrontal cortex can hijack rationality, making red flags easy to miss. You’ll learn practical, compassionate ways to reduce rumination, interrupt mental loops and begin reparenting the vulnerable parts that long for consistent care. Gemma also speaks to when limerence turns into a relationship (and why those tend to be high “schema chemistry”) and offers realistic hope for moving toward grounded, secure love.Key takeawaysLimerence = unmet needs + brain rewards. It’s human, common, and often temporary; shame isn’t helpful.Schemas under the hood: Abandonment (primary) and emotional deprivation are frequent drivers; attachment style can be a clue, but schemas give the nuance.“Schema chemistry” alert: Relationships born from intense limerence often trigger old wounds on both sides.Stop feeding the loop: Reduce cues (no social stalking, no photo scrolling). Notice → name → turn your mind.Circuit breakers that help: Mindfulness, imagery/rumination interruption, exercise, novelty/learning, supportive people, flow-state activities.Reparenting matters: Daily, gentle practices to meet needs consistently will dilute schemas over time.When to get help: If limerence becomes distressing, incapacitating or escalates into harmful behaviours, seek professional support.Practical steps you can tryName it: “This is the limerence loop.”Reduce reinforcement: Unfollow/mute; remove reminders.Shift attention: Choose a grounding task (walk, call a friend, learn something new).Reparenting micro-rituals: Daily check-ins with your vulnerable part; write a brief caring letter to yourself.Track triggers: Note what sparks rumination and plan alternatives.Therapeutic support: Look for schema-informed, experiential work.Mentioned in this episodeCoaching spaces now open with Gemma (limited).Love Wisely group coaching: next intake planned for late Feb '26 (waitlist in links).Reviews really help. Please rate on your podcast app.Contact: [email protected] the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight  🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Feb '26💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing BundleIf you’ve ever been mentally and emotionally stuck on someone - checking for “signs,” fantasising a future and riding waves of hope and anxiety, then you may have experienced limerence.  In Part 1, Gemma explains what limerence is (and isn’t), why uncertainty and fantasy make it so sticky and why the real issue isn’t the person (the “limerent object”) but your unmet emotional needs.  You’ll also hear where the concept came from and why it’s often confused with attachment or “true love.”In this episode, you’ll learnA plain-English definition of limerence and how it differs from attraction or loveThe two core fuels: uncertainty and intermittent reward (via fantasies and mixed signals)How imagery, rumination, and dopamine loops keep the crush aliveWhy limerence can last months or years and why it often doesn’t lead to healthy, secure relationshipsThe link with schemas and unmet needs (preview for Part 2)Gentle first steps to reduce the hijack (without shaming yourself)Key takeawaysLimerence is an internal state - more about your needs than about them.Fantasy offers temporary relief but reinforces the loop.Clarity ends limerence (rejection, genuine mutuality, or transferring the preoccupation) - but self-understanding is what prevents the next loop.Try this (starter steps)Notice and name: “This is limerence, not reality.”Pause the imagery: limit cues, put boundaries around fantasising/daydreaming.Reality-check: list what you actually know vs what you’re imagining.Re-invest in life: micro-wins, movement, sleep, friend time, creative focus.Journal prompt: “What core need am I trying to meet through this fantasy (safety, worth, belonging, soothing)? How else can I meet it today?”Teaser for Part 2 How schemas (abandonment, emotional deprivation, defectiveness, approval-seeking) wire us for limerence and a step-by-step plan to unwind it, rebuild self-trust, and stop repeating the pattern.Resources mentionedThe early research on limerence (originating in the late 20th century)Attachment theory (context), schema therapy (deeper lens)Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message A listener asks: “What exactly is narcissism and how can I tell if I’m dating someone with narcissistic traits?” In this episode, Gemma breaks narcissism down into plain English. You’ll learn why it’s best understood as a personality style on a spectrum, how narcissistic coping modes show up through self-absorption and poor tolerance for your subjectivity and the concrete signs to look for in the early dating stage. We also cover boundaries, reciprocity and practical ways to tune into - and trust - your internal radar.What you’ll learnNarcissism 101: spectrum vs diagnosed NPD; why “narcissistic modes” matterThe central feature: self-absorption (and why it erodes empathy & reciprocity)Early dating indicators: shallow interest, interrupting, image obsession, contempt/arrogance, running down exes, boundary-pushingReality-checks for boundaries & differences: how they handle “no,” cancellations and disagreementWhy narcissistic dynamics chip away at self-worth and how to protect yoursA calm process for getting to know someone across contexts (and why to go slow)Try this - self-check prompts on a dateDo I feel seen, heard and not rushed?Can I say “no” or disagree without payback or sulking?Is attention reciprocal over time (not just in bursts)?Do their words match behaviour when it costs them something?Resources & linksDownload: Dating With Insight - After-Date Reflection Guide (free)Join the Love Wisely priority list for the next roundAsk Gemma a question for the podcast: [email protected] this helped, please leave a review on your podcast app - it really supports the show.Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageEnrollments are Open, Doors Close Wednesday 17th 11:59PM (AEST)In this short bonus episode, I’m giving you a clear picture of what’s inside my 12-week group coaching program, Love Wisely, which begins Wednesday, September 24th.This program is for women who are ready to break free from old relationship patterns - especially the pull toward emotionally unavailable or narcissistic partners and finally rewrite their Love Template so they can choose relationships that feel safe, secure, and deeply fulfilling.Here’s what you’ll receive inside Love Wisely: ✨ Weekly 2-hour live group coaching calls (recorded if you can’t make it live). ✨ A private online portal with foundational schema lessons, guided worksheets, and meditations. ✨ A private Facebook group, a safe space for encouragement, connection, and support. ✨ Two powerful bonuses: the Healing Your Inner Child mini-course and the Elevate Your Worth audio lesson & self-hypnosis recording. ✨ A special follow-up session in February to help you stay focused, integrate what you’ve learned and start the new year grounded and clear. ✨ And for the first five women who enroll, a complimentary 75-minute 1:1 coaching session with me.Most importantly, Love Wisely is heart-centred. It’s designed to meet you exactly where you are. Whether you’re dating, taking a break, or feeling disillusioned, you’ll feel nurtured, supported and guided every step of the way.We begin September 24th and finish on December 17th - the perfect time to complete the program before the holiday season and walk into the new year with clarity, confidence, hope and a plan!👉 Doors close Wednesday, September 17th at midnight. Enrolment details are in the show notes.Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageGemma answers the most common questions she’s received about Love Wisely and widens the lens to address the deeper fears and limiting beliefs that stop women from changing their relationship patterns. You’ll learn how schemas (like abandonment, emotional deprivation, defectiveness/shame, subjugation, approval-seeking and unrelenting standards) quietly shape attraction, tolerance, and your choices and what it looks like to shift from fear-driven decisions to wise, Healthy Adult decisions.What You’ll LearnWhy “I want love” is not neediness and why there’s no shame in wanting a partner, the goal is a good partner.5 fears that keep you stuck (and the schemas beneath them):“What if I can’t change?” → defectiveness, hopelessness; how willingness and skills create traction.“What if I’m behind everyone else?” → inner critic, comparison traps; using the paradoxical theory of change (accept where you are to move forward).“I’ve tried before and it didn’t work.” → learned helplessness; why the right framework goes deeper than tips.“Maybe I’m not meant to find love.” → self-fulfilling prophecy; moving from fate to agency and changing actions that drive outcomes.“There’s no one for me / no one could love me as I am.” → defectiveness/shame; how this belief warps dating behaviour and tolerance for crumbs.Rewriting your Love Template: bringing unconscious maps into the light, strengthening your Healthy Adult, and re-parenting vulnerable parts so they’re not making dating decisions.A hopeful reframe: your beliefs are learned, not destiny and learned beliefs can be unlearned.Key Ideas & TakeawaysLimiting beliefs are echoes of the past, not predictions of your future.Compare yourself only to your own trajectory, not to others.No relationship is a waste if you extract the learning.Real change is skills + practice: noticing triggers, choosing different responses, and getting out earlier when needed.You already have an innate wisdom, schema work helps you hear it again.Who This Episode Is ForWomen who want a healthy, emotionally available relationship and are ready to stop repeating patterns with unavailable or narcissistic partners.Resources & Next StepsJoin Love Wisely (12-week transformational group coaching) - doors close Wed 17 September (midnight AEST). First 5 enrolments receive a complimentary 1:1 intention-setting call. Program starts Wed 24 September.Questions? Email [email protected] the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageWhen your heart wants closeness but your “old map” keeps pulling you toward distance, you’re stuck in the Catch-22 of attraction. In this episode, Gemma explains how early schemas quietly shape who you’re drawn to, why “chemistry” so often points you toward the familiar (not the healthy), and what it takes to consciously rewrite your Love Template so you can choose emotionally available partners.In this episode, you’ll learnWhat a schema is (quick primer) and why it’s more useful than attachment boxesHow the Abandonment schema fuels anxious preoccupation, magical thinking, and self-fulfilling patternsWhy Emotional Deprivation normalises giving a lot while rarely feeling seen or nurturedHow Defectiveness/Shame covertly lowers your standards and tolerates poor treatmentThe role of Subjugation and Self-Sacrifice in silencing yourself early, then staying too longWhy attraction isn’t random and how your Love Template (old map) picks partners for you on autopilotThe Healthy Adult shift: moving from familiar chemistry to choosing steady, emotionally available partnersKey takeawaysAttraction pulls toward what’s familiar, not necessarily what’s good.“I’ll just go with the flow” keeps you on autopilot; intentional dating rewrites the outcome.Knowledge is power BUT applied knowledge (with guidance) is transformation.Your patterns in romance often ripple into career, friendships, and self-worth, change one, and others shift.Try this this weekName your top 1–2 schemas you hear in this episode.Write one “Healthy Adult” decision you’ll make before your next date (e.g., “If communication is inconsistent in the first 2 weeks, I’ll opt out kindly and early”).List 3 signals of emotional availability you’ll move toward (e.g., follow-through, steady pace, repair after missteps).Resources & next stepsJOIN Love Wisely - NOW OPEN Enrollment closes 17th Sept ▶︎ Learn moreSupport the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageIn this episode I answer a listener Q from “Maddie,” who’s in post-breakup limbo with an avoidant ex. I unpack blurred boundaries after a breakup, why “staying friends” can quietly erode self-respect, how trauma bonds differ from schema-triggered dynamics, and what it really takes to let go when your abandonment schema is pulling you back. You’ll also get a simple Relationship Review exercise to spot your patterns so you can date with clearer self-trust next time.What we coverThe self-respect signal: why “staying friends” sometimes keeps you stuckLove-bombing vs. real intimacy (and why early declarations are a red flag)Trauma bonding 101: replication, familiarity and unmet needsAvoidant–anxious dynamics and why they feel magnetic but unstable“Hard work” vs. “healthy work” in relationships - a practical litmus testHow to let go: grief, no-contact, and naming your modes without self-criticismThe Relationship Review: a step-by-step way to map your patternsTry this (listener worksheet prompts)“Where did I override red flags because of fear, guilt or hope?”“Which parts/modes showed up in me (e.g., Pleaser, Angry Protector, Vulnerable Child)?”“How did I actually feel most of the time in that relationship?”“What does ‘emotionally available’ need to look like for me, specifically?”Resources mentionedEpisode 104: The Good, the Bad and the Bond (trauma bonding explainer)Free guide: Dating With Insight: A Tune-In After Every Date (reflective prompts to help you notice how you felt in their presence)Free live masterclass: The Psychology of Attraction - why chemistry isn’t random and how schema chemistry pulls you toward the wrong partnersLive: Wednesday 10 September, 7:00pm AESTReplay available to all who registerIs Love Wisely for you? If you’re a self-aware woman with a history of emotionally unavailable or narcissistic partners AND you’re ready to rewrite your Love Template™ the next 12-week Love Wisely group starts late September. Warm, structured and practical. Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageWhy do caring, empathic women end up doing the heavy lifting in love, staying out of guilt and “rescuing” partners at the expense of their own needs? In this episode, Gemma unpacks the unconscious pull to fix others, how childhood patterns (self-sacrifice, subjugation, emotional deprivation) set the stage, and the real cost of over-functioning. You’ll learn how to shift from “fixer” to “feeler,” build healthy entitlement, and make self-supporting choices, even when guilt shouts loudly.Key TakeawaysRescuing often masks self-abandonment learned in childhood; guilt can keep you stuck. “Too much empathy” without objective distance leads to empathic distress and burnout. Ask: Am I a partner or a parent/therapist/saviour in this dynamic?Build healthy entitlement: your needs matter and boundaries are an act of care. Shift from fixing them to feeling you: journal, re-parent, seek support, and challenge all-or-nothing beliefs. Try This (Journal Prompts)“If I weren’t rescuing here, what feelings in me would surface?”“What belief equates caring for myself with hurting someone else?”“Where did I first learn that love = self-sacrifice?”“What would healthy reciprocity look like this week (one tangible boundary)?”Resources MentionedFree Live Masterclass (Sept 10) – The Psychology of Attraction: Why We Bond with Emotionally Unavailable Men (replay available).Work with Gemma – Coaching & the Love Wisely program (for women ready to rewrite their love template).Rate & Review If this helped you, a quick review on Apple or Spotify helps other women find the show. Thank you for being part of this work.Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message Every past relationship leaves clues. Patterns you’ve fallen into. The kinds of people you’re drawn to. The roles you find yourself playing without even realising it.In this episode of Healing for Love, I’m walking you through 6 powerful reflection questions to help you see your love life more clearly and prepare you to approach dating in a new way.These are the same questions I explore with my Love Wisely clients, because when you understand your patterns, you can finally break them.The 6 Questions: 1️⃣ What patterns keep showing up? 2️⃣ What ‘types’ of partners are you drawn to? 3️⃣ What deeper patterns (schemas) might be playing out? 4️⃣ What role did you take on? 5️⃣ What did you tolerate that you wouldn’t today? 6️⃣ What red flags did you see but explained away?This isn’t about blame! Don't get self-critical or judgmental, this is just about clarity. Because clarity is the first step to creating a different future in love.Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageMeet Sophie, a 37-year-old woman who spent years feeling stuck in painful relationship cycles. Like many women I work with, she kept attracting emotionally unavailable or narcissistic men — despite knowing, deep down, that something wasn’t right.In this episode, I’ll walk you through Sophie’s journey: from identifying her relational schemas (like abandonment, emotional deprivation, and subjugation), to understanding how her childhood shaped her “love template,” to the powerful moment she made a clear commitment to change.We’ll explore how she:Finally ended a 7-year relationship that drained her emotionallyIdentified red flags and stopped rationalising harmRebuilt self-trust by healing her inner vulnerable childLet go of the idea that she had a specific “type”Started dating with emotional clarity, rather than fear or old patternsThis transformation is exactly the kind of work we do inside Love Wisely. If you’ve ever asked yourself “Why do I keep ending up in the same kind of relationship?” — this episode is for you.Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageIn this important solo episode, Gemma reflects on a disturbing real-life conversation overheard between two teenage girls — one of whom casually describes being physically assaulted by her boyfriend. What follows is a powerful deep dive into why girls and women downplay harmful, even abusive, behaviour in relationships.From shame, trauma bonding, and fear of judgement to deeply rooted schemas like abandonment, defectiveness, and subjugation, Gemma explores the internal and social forces that keep so many women stuck — and why prevention, education, and early recognition matter more than ever.What You'll Learn:Why some girls and women minimize abusive behaviour, even when it’s clearly unsafeThe role of schemas (especially abandonment and shame) in tolerating harmHow early emotional wounds shape our dating choices and instinctsWhat trauma bonding is — and how it makes us rationalize abuseKey psychological and cultural reasons why walking away feels so hardWhy we must start taking early signs seriously — for ourselves and the next generationGemma also shares practical reflection prompts, including:What would I tell my younger self?What would I say to a friend in this situation?👉 If this episode resonates with you, or you wish you had trusted yourself sooner in the past — this one’s especially for you.💡 Bonus: If you’re interested in doing the deep work to break free from painful dating patterns and build safer, more secure relationships, sign up for early access to Gemma’s new 12-week group coaching program, Love Wisely — starting Mid June 2025.Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageIn this episode, Gemma explores one of the most foundational concepts when it comes to healing relationship patterns, the abandonment schema.Whether you're currently dating or in a long-term relationship, understanding your own abandonment schema and how it influences your emotions, choices, and reactions is essential for cultivating emotional safety and secure connection.Gemma explains:What the abandonment schema is and how it developsHow it shows up in dating and relationships (from clingy overcompensation to total avoidance)The 3 common coping styles triggered by this schema and how they quietly sabotage your love lifeWhy working with your vulnerable child mode is key to healing the abandonment wound3 powerful reparenting practices to begin calming your inner alarm system and making more grounded, self-honoring choices in loveSupport the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageSchema Coaching & Support – Work with Dr. Gemma GladstoneSupport the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageIn this mailbox episode, we dive into a listener question from Amy (name changed for privacy), who is struggling with the trauma bond with her narcissistic and emotionally neglectful mother. Amy shares her experience of emotional neglect, manipulation, gaslighting, and rejection—all while navigating the complicated reality of trying to maintain boundaries. ✔ What a trauma bond with a parent looks like – Why it’s so difficult to break free ✔ The cycle of hope & rejection – Why emotionally neglectful parents keep you in a state of longing ✔ How narcissistic parents offload their shame onto their children – Understanding the “shame exchange” ✔ Why boundaries feel impossible with a narcissistic mother – The emotional toll of walking on eggshells ✔ Grief and healing – The painful but necessary process of accepting that your mother will never be the mother you needed ✔ Moving forward – Why reparenting yourself is key, and how to start choosing healthier relationshipsThis is a deeply validating episode for anyone struggling with a difficult or narcissistic parent. If you’ve ever felt stuck in an unhealthy dynamic, confused by your mother’s inconsistent behavior, or burdened with guilt for setting boundaries, this discussion is for you.🔗 Resources Mentioned in This Episode: 📌 Episode 104 – Understanding Trauma Bonds  Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageIn this episode, Dr Gemma takes a deep dive into one of the most common and persistent life patterns—people-pleasing. If you've ever found yourself constantly prioritizing others' needs over your own, struggling to say no, or feeling exhausted from always trying to keep the peace, this episode is for you.She explores:✅ What people-pleasing really is and why it’s not just one behavior but a collection of patterns ✅ The three main schemas that drive people-pleasing ✅ How early experiences and conditioning shape this pattern and why it can be hard to break ✅ Six powerful self-reflection questions to help you tune into yourself, your needs and your emotionsThese six foundational questions are designed to help you:🔹 Reconnect with who you really are beneath years of learned behaviours 🔹 Identify what you truly want, need, and believe—instead of looking outward for validation 🔹 Start making decisions from a place of self-awareness and confidenceIf you’ve been a chronic people-pleaser and you’re ready to start shifting this pattern, this episode will give you practical first steps to create real change.Resources & Links: 🔹 Learn more about The Red Flag Project: theredflagproject.com 🔹 Upcoming Therapist Webinar – Supporting Clients with Narcissistic Parents (March 27th) – Early bird discount ends March 8th! Registration Linkhttps://podcast.feedspot.com/australian_psychology_podcasts/https://podcast.feedspot.com/mood_podcasts/Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageEpisode Description:Are you dating someone new and wondering if they’re truly a good match? Or do you have a pattern of attracting emotionally unavailable or narcissistic partners? In this episode, Gemma breaks down The 7 Deadly Sins of the Narcissistic Dater—key warning signs that indicate deeper personality issues and potential toxic relationship dynamics.These signs often reveal themselves early—sometimes even on the first date. Recognizing them before you get emotionally invested can save you from heartbreak and manipulation.These behaviors aren’t just annoying quirks—they’re significant predictors of toxic relationship patterns. I also share 2 real success stories from women who’ve identified these red flags early, broken their old patterns, and found secure, emotionally available partners.Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageEpisode Overview:In this deeply personal and insightful episode, Dr. Justine Corry shares her experience of family estrangement, reflecting on her relationship with a narcissistic mother and the impact on her life. Dr. Gemma Gladstone joins the conversation as they both discuss the psychological toll of estrangement and how schema therapy can help individuals heal and move forward.Key Topics Covered:What drives estrangement and why it’s never an easy decision.The role of schemas in shaping family dynamics and coping mechanisms.Personal reflections on living without a parent and how to navigate the associated grief and loss.Understanding the motivations and limitations of difficult family members, including narcissistic parents.How self-preservation and boundaries can lead to healing and healthier relationships.If you’ve ever struggled with a difficult family relationship, faced the possibility of estrangement, or want to better understand the psychology behind toxic family dynamics, this episode provides both professional guidance and heartfelt relatability.Estrangement is never easy, but understanding the dynamics at play can help bring clarity and healing. With the right tools and support, it’s possible to move forward and build a life that aligns with your well-being.Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageHappy New Year! In this first episode of 2025, Gemma invites you to reflect on the life scripts and recurring patterns that no longer serve you and take intentional steps toward rewriting them. Life scripts are the unconscious stories and patterns that shape how we think, feel, and behave, often holding us back from living authentically and joyfully.By unpacking and letting go of these outdated narratives, we create space for personal growth, healthier relationships, and a life aligned with our true selves.In This Episode, Gemma Discusses:What Are Life Scripts?How they differ from schemas and influence our decisions and behaviors.Examples of common life scripts, such as people-pleasing, perfectionism, and self-doubt.The Connection Between Life Scripts and Schemas:How schemas like abandonment, defectiveness, and unrelenting standards often underpin these scripts.Three Common Life Scripts:People-Pleasing: "I need to make everyone happy to be loved."Perfectionism: "If I don’t do this perfectly, I’m not good enough."Self-Doubt: "I’m not capable or as good as others."How to Let Go of Limiting Life Scripts:Identify the Script: Recognize the recurring patterns or schemas that are holding you back.Visualize Change: Imagine life without the script—what would it look like?Create a Mantra: Use affirmations to focus your intention and remind yourself of your growth.Take Small Steps: Start with achievable actions, like setting a boundary or reframing a critical thought.Real-Life Examples:Gemma shares powerful success stories of clients who rewrote their scripts and transformed their lives.As we begin 2025, this episode is your invitation to reflect, reset, and take steps toward letting go of the old scripts holding you back.P.S. If you’re ready to go deeper and tackle your life scripts with focused 1:1 coaching, Gemma has limited spots available for new clients. Reach out at [email protected] to enquire. Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageWelcome to the final Episode for this year!  We will be back with new episodes in 2025.  Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageIn this episode of we dive deep into the "martyr mode," a coping style often discussed in schema therapy. We explore what it means to have a martyr complex or mode, how it shows up in relationships, and the emotional dynamics that fuel this behaviour.Key topics covered include:The defining traits of the martyr mode and how it may stem from deeper emotional wounds, unmet needs and emotional deprivation.The guilt-inducing and manipulative aspects of martyr behaviour, and its impact on relationships with children, partners, and others.How this mode can flip between seeking validation, playing the victim, and striving for indispensability.Insights into the covert ways martyrs seek emotional control and validation, often leaving others feeling resentful or guilty.Practical advice for recognizing and addressing martyr tendencies in yourself or dealing with someone exhibiting this behavior.Whether you're navigating a relationship with someone in this mode or noticing these patterns within yourself, this episode offers valuable insights and strategies for creating healthier dynamics.If you enjoyed this episode, don’t forget to FOLLOW the show and share it with others who might benefit from this discussion.Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageHealthy Adult Daily Practice: An Intentional Reflection ToolIn this episode, Gemma introduces a practical tool called Healthy Adult Daily Practice, designed to help you strengthen and nurture your Healthy Adult mode. Building on the foundational features of the Healthy Adult mode discussed in the previous episode, this episode walks you through a simple, intentional practice that can be integrated into your daily life to promote emotional resilience, self-awareness, and healthier relationships.What You'll Learn in This Episode:What is the Healthy Adult Mode?A quick recap of its foundational characteristics: mindfulness, self-compassion, emotional regulation, and more.How embodying the Healthy Adult mode supports wiser, more compassionate decision-making and self-management.Healthy Adult Daily Practice Tool:Set Your Intention: Choose one Healthy Adult quality (e.g., patience, empathy, gratitude, self-care) to focus on for the day.Daily Embodiment: Actively embody this quality in your actions, thoughts, and interactions throughout the day.End-of-Day Reflection: Evaluate how you embodied this quality, reflect on challenges, and identify lessons learned for future growth.Why This Practice Works:The importance of intentionality and repetition in developing new neural pathways.How this practice builds emotional resilience and integrates Healthy Adult traits into your personality over time.By engaging with this tool, you'll build greater self-awareness, foster healthier relationships, and develop the emotional resilience to face life's challenges with confidence and clarity.Reflection Questions for Healthy Adult Daily Practice:What Healthy Adult quality will I focus on tomorrow?Why is this quality meaningful or important to me right now?How do I plan to incorporate this quality into my daily life?How did I embody this quality today?What challenges did I face in practicing this quality?How did this practice influence my interactions, decisions, or emotions?What did I learn about myself during this practice?Will I continue to develop this quality? If so, how?Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageIn this episode, Gemma dives into the cornerstone of schema therapy: the Healthy Adult mode. This is the part of us that represents balance, wisdom, and compassion—our best self that helps us navigate relationships, emotions, and life’s challenges effectively.What You’ll Learn:Mindfulness: Why mindfulness is the foundational building block for self-awareness, self-reflection, and personal growth.The Healthy Adult as Executor: How this mode acts as the caretaker, director, and overseer of all other modes.The Wise and Courageous Self: The importance of facing reality, leaning into discomfort, and making wise, courageous decisions.The Compassionate Self: How to practice genuine compassion toward yourself and others without overextending or self-sacrificing.The Good Parent: Prioritizing meaningful self-care and addressing unhealthy coping strategies to nurture yourself like a loving parent would.Self-Awareness and Growth: Recognizing your schemas and embracing psychological awareness to create meaningful change.Flexibility and Openness: Developing an open, adaptable mindset to navigate life’s ups and downs without rigidity.Why This Episode Matters:Understanding and strengthening your Healthy Adult mode is central to breaking unhelpful patterns and living authentically. Gemma shares practical insights and strategies to help you embrace this transformative aspect of yourself.Resources Mentioned:Book recommendation: Reinventing Your Life by Jeffrey Young.Previous episode: "You’re Not Your Diagnosis."Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageIn this solo episode, Gemma dives deep into the concept of trauma bonding, shedding light on why some people feel emotionally tethered to unhealthy or toxic relationships. Drawing from listener questions she explores the psychological mechanisms behind trauma bonds, including the powerful dynamic of the "good-bad ratio" and how it can replicate patterns from childhood.Gemma also discusses how schemas—such as abandonment, mistrust/abuse, and defectiveness—can make individuals more vulnerable to trauma bonding and highlights the role of manipulative behaviors like love bombing, gaslighting, and boundary-pushing in these relationships.If you've ever wondered why it’s so hard to leave a toxic relationship or felt stuck in cycles of abuse, this episode is essential listening. Topics Covered:What is a Trauma Bond? How emotional connections form in abusive or toxic relationships.The Abuse Cycle: Key stages like love bombing, boundary-pushing, and manipulation that create and reinforce trauma bonds.The Role of Schemas: Why unresolved schemas, such as abandonment or mistrust/abuse, make it harder to leave.Breaking the Cycle: How understanding the "good-bad ratio" in relationships can help you regain clarity and self-worth.Red Flags to Watch For: Love bombing, arrogance, and other warning signs of toxic relationships.How to Heal: The importance of schema work, slowing down in relationships, and taking steps toward self-reflection and recovery.Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageThis episode will resonate with anyone struggling with an overdeveloped sense of responsibility to others and those who feel “stuck” in cycles of overgiving. In this solo episode, Gemma dives deep into the self-sacrifice schema, exploring how it manifests, its origins in family dynamics, and the toll it takes on those who constantly prioritize others over themselves. This schema, often seen in people who struggle with setting boundaries, can lead to burnout, resentment, and a diminished sense of self-worth.Gemma delves into the drama triangle—the roles of victim, rescuer, and persecutor—and explains how these dynamics often shape and reinforce the self-sacrifice schema. Additionally, she examines the enmeshment schema, which often appears alongside self-sacrifice, further complicating one’s ability to differentiate personal needs from the needs of others.Topics covered include:Defining the Self-Sacrifice Schema: How it drives people to prioritize others’ needs over their own, even to their detriment.Origins of the Schema: Common family dynamics that foster self-sacrifice, such as growing up with an over-entitled or narcissistic parent, or being cast into the rescuer role in the drama triangle.The Schema's Impact on Relationships: Why those with a strong self-sacrifice schema often attract self-absorbed partners and struggle to set boundaries.Enmeshment and Self-Sacrifice: How enmeshment can fuel self-sacrifice by creating a sense of responsibility for others’ emotions and well-being.Schemas and Coping Styles: Different coping modes, including surrendering to, avoiding, or overcompensating for the schema.The Role of Guilt and Empathic Distress: How these emotions fuel self-sacrifice behaviors and make it difficult to prioritize self-care.Practical Exercises: Techniques like chair work to identify core beliefs tied to self-sacrifice and to build a healthier relationship with oneself.Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageNew Group Coaching Program: "Date Differently": A 6-week online group coaching program designed to help women build self-trust, set boundaries, and date with confidence. Starts November 6th. SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE! Spots are limited. Signature Course – The Red Flag Project: This newly updated course covers schemas, red flags, and how to recognize unavailable partners. It’s recommended to take the course before joining the coaching program to get the most out of the sessions. Access it here.  Special limited time discount code: HERBESTLIFEGet the FREE GUIDE - Dating with an abandonment schemaSupport the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageNew Group Coaching Program: "Date Differently": A 6-week online group coaching program designed to help women build self-trust, set boundaries, and date with confidence. Starts November 6th. SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE! Spots are limited. Signature Course – The Red Flag Project: This newly updated course covers schemas, red flags, and how to recognize unavailable partners. It’s recommended to take the course before joining the coaching program to get the most out of the sessions. Access it here.  Special limited time discount code: HERBESTLIFEGet the FREE GUIDE - Dating with an abandonment schemaIn this episode, Gemma explores the emotional and psychological barriers that often arise when dating. Whether you’re re-entering the dating scene or currently navigating it, this episode will help you identify and manage common sources of anxiety.Topics discussed:Fear of rejection or judgmentPressure to make a good impressionAttachment styles and schemasOverthinking and self-criticismFear of repeating past patternsCultural and societal expectationsUncertainty of the unknownPhysical and mental effects of anxietyThroughout the episode, Gemma offers mindset shifts and practical tips to help you feel more calm, confident, and authentic in your dating journey.How to Connect for relationship & dating content:Website: The Red Flag ProjectEmail: [email protected]: theredflagprojectofficialSupport the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageSpecial Announcements:New Group Coaching Program: "Date Differently": A 6-week online group coaching program designed to help women build self-trust, set boundaries, and date with confidence. Starts November 6th. SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE!Signature Course – The Red Flag Project: This newly updated course covers schemas, red flags, and how to recognize unavailable partners. It’s recommended to take the course before joining the coaching program to get the most out of the sessions. Access it here.  Special limited time discount code: HERBESTLIFEHow to Connect for relationship & dating content:Website: The Red Flag ProjectEmail: [email protected]: theredflagprojectofficialSummary: In this episode, Gemma and Justine explore how the Abandonment Schema impacts dating and relationships. They discuss the core beliefs tied to this schema, such as the fear of being left or replaced, and how it can cause anxiety and insecurity even in the early stages of dating. They dive into how the schema is often triggered by ambiguity in communication, delayed responses, or inconsistent behavior from partners, and how these triggers can lead to overthinking and self-doubt.They also share practical tips for dating more mindfully with an Abandonment Schema, including identifying red flags early, managing emotional triggers, and setting healthy boundaries to avoid staying in unfulfilling relationships for too long.Key Takeaways:The Abandonment Schema can make dating feel unstable and trigger fears of rejection or being left behind, even when it's not warranted.It’s essential to recognize early signs of emotional unavailability and avoid getting stuck in relationships that reinforce old patterns.Learn to manage triggers and address abandonment fears through self-awareness, setting boundaries, and focusing on your own needs and well-being.Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageSpecial Announcements:New Group Coaching Program: "Date Differently": A 6-week online group coaching program designed to help women build self-trust, set boundaries, and date with confidence. Starts November 6th. SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE!Signature Course – The Red Flag Project: This newly updated course covers schemas, red flags, and how to recognize unavailable partners. It’s recommended to take the course before joining the coaching program to get the most out of the sessions. Access it here.  Special limited time discount code: HERBESTLIFEHow to Connect for relationship & dating content:Website: The Red Flag ProjectEmail: [email protected]: theredflagprojectofficialSummary: In this replay of a popular episode, Gemma and Justine discuss the often-exhausting experience of dating fatigue. They explore why dating can feel so draining, particularly when navigating dating apps, dealing with rejection, or repeatedly encountering emotionally unavailable partners. Whether you're re-entering the dating world after a long-term relationship or have faced a series of short-term connections that haven’t worked out, this episode offers helpful insights into handling the ups and downs of dating.Gemma and Justine emphasize the importance of social support and authenticity in dating, encouraging listeners to remain grounded and true to themselves. They also dive into common dating mistakes, such as ignoring red flags or putting on personas to appear "perfect" or easygoing. They remind listeners that staying true to yourself is key to building lasting, meaningful connections.Key Takeaways:Understanding Dating Fatigue: It's normal to feel exhausted or discouraged when dating, especially after repeated disappointments or endless swiping on apps. Acknowledge that dating can be a "numbers game," but also treat it as an experiment to learn about yourself and others.Be Yourself: Avoid putting on a persona or hiding your needs to please someone else. Authenticity is essential, as it leads to attracting partners who value the real you.Recognizing Red Flags Early: Pay attention to early signs of emotional unavailability, such as inconsistent communication or avoidance of meeting in person. Spotting these red flags early can help you avoid wasting time on people who aren't right for you.Self-Reflection: When dating, reflect on how you're feeling in each interaction. Are you being yourself, or are you trying to mold yourself to fit someone else’s expectations? Trust your instincts and set healthy boundaries.The Importance of Social Support: Dating can be challenging, but having a supportive community makes a big difference. Gemma and Justine announce their upcoming 6-week group coaching program, Date Differently, which brings together women navigating similar dating challenges to share experiences and build self-confidence.Course mentioned:Masterclass – Breaking Free from Love-Traps: Understanding the Science of Schema Chemistry: Learn how to break the cycle of unhealthy relationship patterns. Sign up for this self-paced course here.Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageIn this episode, we explore the challenges of navigating casual sex culture and hookup culture, particularly for individuals with abandonment schemas, emotional deprivation schemas, or anxious attachment styles. Join us as we discuss common scenarios, the emotional impacts of casual encounters, and strategies for those seeking meaningful relationships.Key Discussion Points:The Rise of Casual Sex Culture:We delve into how dating apps and societal expectations have normalized casual encounters, particularly for women who may feel pressured to conform.Understanding Your Emotional Triggers:We discuss how casual sex can activate abandonment schemas and emotional wounds, often leading to feelings of inadequacy and anxiety post-encounter.Common Scenarios in Dating:We share stories of women who experience heartache after one-night stands, leaving them questioning their worth and what went wrong.Reframing the Narrative:We emphasize the importance of recognizing that there is nothing inherently wrong with you if a casual encounter doesn’t lead to a desired relationship. It's often more about the other person's readiness for commitment.Strategies for Healing:Practical advice on how to approach dating intentionally and slowly, allowing for emotional healing and self-discovery.The Importance of Healthy Boundaries:We discuss how setting boundaries can help in finding the right partner and avoiding the pitfalls of casual relationships when seeking something deeper.Understanding Male Perspectives:Insights into how men may approach relationships differently and how this can affect women's emotional experiences in casual encounters.Takeaway Messages:If you identify with having an abandonment schema, it’s crucial to question whether casual sex aligns with your emotional needs and goals in relationships.Building a new narrative around self-worth can lead to healthier dating practices and more fulfilling connections.Healing from emotional wounds requires active engagement and sometimes means saying no to casual encounters.Navigating relationships in today's casual sex culture isn't easy, especially for those with emotional wounds. A conscious approach to dating—taking things slow and understanding your needs—is essential for fostering healthy relationships.Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageNew Group Coaching Program: "Date Differently": A 6-week online group coaching program designed to help women build self-trust, set boundaries, and date with confidence. Starts November 6th. SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE!In this thoughtful Mailbox episode, Justine and Gemma respond to a listener’s heartfelt question about navigating the confusion between green flags and subtle red flags in a relationship. 'Laura', the listener, describes her experience dating a man who seemed like a wonderful partner—kind, attentive, successful, and emotionally vulnerable. However, despite these positive qualities, Laura noticed subtle signs of emotional detachment and avoidance that left her questioning whether she was overreacting or misinterpreting the situation.Gemma and Justine guide 'Laura' through the process of recognizing that what she saw as subtle red flags were, in fact, pretty significant signs of deeper issues. They discuss how behaviors like rushing into intimacy, oversharing trauma early on, and withdrawing during difficult conversations are often clear markers of emotional unavailability. These red flags can be easily overlooked when our schemas—particularly abandonment or anxious attachment schemas—get in the way, making us doubt our instincts or take too much responsibility for relationship challenges.Gemma and Justine emphasize that Laura’s experience is a common one, especially for those whose schemas may cloud their ability to accurately assess a partner’s behavior. They offer practical advice on how to trust your instincts, stay attuned to how you feel in a relationship, and avoid the trap of self-blame when things don’t seem to add up.Topics discussed:Emotional vulnerability vs. trauma bonding: Understanding when vulnerability feels meaningful versus when it’s used to create a quick emotional connection that isn’t sustainable.Rushing intimacy: Why too much attention or time too quickly can signal unmet emotional needs in the other person, rather than a healthy, steady connection.Emotional withdrawal: How detachment during sex, lack of affection, or avoidance of difficult topics are often red flags for emotional unavailability—even when a partner seems attentive in other areas.The role of schemas: How an abandonment schema can lead to self-doubt, causing us to overlook or minimize important warning signs.Balancing green and red flags: Why even a relationship filled with positive traits can be problematic if subtle, but significant, red flags are undermining emotional intimacy and trust.This episode is essential listening for anyone navigating the complexities of dating, especially if you're finding it difficult to interpret mixed signals. Justine and Gemma remind us that trusting your gut and recognizing your schemas can help you make clearer, more empowered decisions in relationships.Information about private coaching with Dr Gemma or Dr Justine email us: [email protected] Red Flag Project: a place for women to do the self-development they need to choose loving, respectful relationships.InstagramFacebookClick the link below to find out more about our online dating course, our course on schema chemistry and how to break free from love-traps.Linktree: https://linktr.ee/theredflagprojectSchema Therapy for Life: For anyone who wants to become their own pattern-breaker using the wisdom and clarity of Schema Therapy.InstagramSupport the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here