125. Inside Limerence (Part 1): The psychology of the crush that won’t quit

Send Gemma a message🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight  🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Feb '26💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing BundleIf you’ve ever been mentally and emotionally stuck on someone - checking for “signs,” fantasising a future and riding waves of hope and anxiety, then you may have experienced limerence.  In Part 1, Gemma explains what limerence is (and isn’t), why uncertainty and fantasy make it so sticky and why the real issue isn’t the person (the “limerent object”) but your unmet emotional needs.  You’ll also hear where the concept came from and why it’s often confused with attachment or “true love.”In this episode, you’ll learnA plain-English definition of limerence and how it differs from attraction or loveThe two core fuels: uncertainty and intermittent reward (via fantasies and mixed signals)How imagery, rumination, and dopamine loops keep the crush aliveWhy limerence can last months or years and why it often doesn’t lead to healthy, secure relationshipsThe link with schemas and unmet needs (preview for Part 2)Gentle first steps to reduce the hijack (without shaming yourself)Key takeawaysLimerence is an internal state - more about your needs than about them.Fantasy offers temporary relief but reinforces the loop.Clarity ends limerence (rejection, genuine mutuality, or transferring the preoccupation) - but self-understanding is what prevents the next loop.Try this (starter steps)Notice and name: “This is limerence, not reality.”Pause the imagery: limit cues, put boundaries around fantasising/daydreaming.Reality-check: list what you actually know vs what you’re imagining.Re-invest in life: micro-wins, movement, sleep, friend time, creative focus.Journal prompt: “What core need am I trying to meet through this fantasy (safety, worth, belonging, soothing)? How else can I meet it today?”Teaser for Part 2 How schemas (abandonment, emotional deprivation, defectiveness, approval-seeking) wire us for limerence and a step-by-step plan to unwind it, rebuild self-trust, and stop repeating the pattern.Resources mentionedThe early research on limerence (originating in the late 20th century)Attachment theory (context), schema therapy (deeper lens)Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here