135 - An Open-Faced Hallmark Movie

We brought a murderer home who had an advent calendar kill schedule, and 'TWAS THE DATE BEFORE CHRISTMAS (2024), but first... A Christmastown message from TV's Andy Levy ... THEME: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather PART ONE  Watching with a widow ... Implausible landlordism ... It's fine, it's a Chilis II ... Elevated basement, structurally self-aware ... The AI/Gattaca of Hallmark ...      PART TWO   Cast Rundown, Expositional Challenge and Plot Mop-Up: Bryan vs. traditional suits; Jessie and Christmas games ... No gazebo, no kiss ... Groening's a Karpluk ... Buckley affably going along ... Spot the Angel: No, but Hunger Games ...        PART THREE  Eat Your Heart Out: Marcus the gourmet; blurred banquet; "make it a double!"; splash of skim milk ... No Cure for Christmas ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: All Hallmark retail on one block; widowers are just lying divorced dads ... The Korean War ...               PART FOUR  Overdetermined: Deconstructed Hallmark? ... Crossover: Ready or Not; Fake Fiancées on Adultery Island ... Great Moments in Moppetry: 1 ...  The Real Villain/Voight-Kampff Test: Again, it's real and fine; weird knows it's weird ... Rating: 3 ... Three-car garage ...  PART FIVE The Leftovers: Where does it end? ... Crypto's pumping ... Let's gooooo debut ... IMDB Dive: Steal B-Rad's sunshine ... Christmas in Angel Falls ... MERRY! shirt ... Family kiss ogling ... Widow Talk: Don't eliminate supportive traditions ... 3x5 wallet photo ... Fiber-optic marketer ... WE DID IT, BABY! ... Merry Christmas!    All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane and "We're Sending Our Love Down the Well" by The Simpsons. Buy our show artist Caitlin Fitz Gerald's excellent book: Here.