135. How Can I Heal from Relationship Regret?

Send Gemma a messageHey, if you'd like to reduce your chances of future relationship regret, then come to my free live training: Join hereHave you ever looked back on a past relationship and thought:Why did I stay so long? Why didn’t I see the signs earlier? If only I had done something differently…Relationship regret can be incredibly painful. Many people find themselves stuck replaying the past, analysing every decision and blaming themselves for how things turned out.But in this episode, I explain why this mental loop is not actually helping us heal.In psychology, the “should have, could have, would have” pattern is known as counterfactual thinking. It’s a form of rumination where the mind tries to solve an unsolvable problem - the past.And while it feels like we are trying to understand what happened, what is often happening underneath is emotional avoidance.Beneath regret there is usually something much more vulnerable:Grief.Grief about the relationship.Grief about what we hoped it would be.Grief about the loss of the future we imagined.In this episode, I explore:Why regret often keeps us stuck in ruminationThe psychology of counterfactual thinkingWhy self-blame is so common after difficult relationshipsHow rumination can block emotional healingThe grief that often sits underneath regretWhy painful relationships are not “wasted time”How our schemas influence what we tolerate in relationshipsHow to shift from self-blame to insight and growthSimple ways to respond differently when regret arisesI also look at an important reframe:Relationships are often our greatest teachers.Even the painful ones can reveal important truths about our emotional needs, our patterns, and the schemas that shape our relationship choices.When we approach our past with compassion rather than self-blame, we open the door to healing and to making wiser choices in the future.If this episode resonates with youMany of the women who join my Love Wisely program come with this same question:"Why did I end up in relationships like that?"Inside the program we explore the deeper psychological patterns behind attraction, schemas, and relationship choices - and how to create healthier relationships going forward.You can learn more about Love Wisely on my website.Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here