Hello and welcome back to DPG every day. I'm coming to you on Australia Day today. So for those of you who do choose to celebrate Australia Day, happy Australia Day, and for those of you who choose to not acknowledge Australia Day on the 26th of January, then I'll get it. That's all I'll say about that.
Welcome back. I hope that you have been enjoying all these episodes so far. So we are nearly at the end of the month guys. And it's probably pretty timely because I'm, although I have been back at work pretty much since the start of January, it's been pretty crazy.
So I am back at work properly on Monday, which is the 30th. So it's probably pretty timely that I wrap this up on the last day of January. And we'll just see what we can do over the next few weeks. I've really enjoyed having these podcasts come out every single day.
But I have to be realistic about what I am capable of. So I always want to produce quality over quantity. And I never just want to feed you guys a bunch of shit with a sake of hearing my own voice. But here we are doing that sometimes.
But what I aim to do for anybody who comes into my arena, I guess I don't know what to do. It's my world, is to provide you with tools that you can essentially put in a tool belt. So I often say to people like, you know, you can pop that in your back pocket for when you need it. And that's exactly what I mean by that is, essentially pop it in your back pocket.
And when you need that tool or that spiel or that talk or that thing that I spoke about, you'll be so grateful that you listened to that episode. And you know, I spoke about human design, which is like so off topic for applicants and military and policing and whatever. But I'm learning about it and learning a bit more about myself and how it works for me has actually helped me within my work, you know, as a soldier and as a sergeant and as a leader. And, you know, in the work that I do at TPG, it allows me to understand how I can be most productive, how I can get the most out of every day.
You know, it's allowed me to understand, you know, myself as a parent, as a friend, as a person. And, you know, all the things that I thought were like annoyances and like all these quirks that were like, I have to stop doing and they're so annoying and people don't like it, it actually helped me to realise that they're actually some of the best parts of me. And I need to embrace them and just foster those quirks into a way that makes me more productive. So, you know, that's why I'm sharing things like that.
Because it might just be one person who goes and looks up what their human design is and learns a little bit more about it and goes, shit, this is like going to change the whole course of how I operate in my day to day. So, you know, like if that's the case then awesome, you know, I've given you tips like the five second rule. I've told you my life story, you know, we've talked about all sorts of different stuff and I just hope that there's something in there for everyone. I've tried to keep the topics pretty broad rather than like your typical motivation, overdiscipline, chats.
But those chats are still important because it might just be a top up. Like you might have heard that a hundred times, but then you heard me talk about it the other day in that episode and you're like, oh shit, yep, okay, I have been kind of falling by the way side with this. So, you know, if you are the type of person who needs to have those top ups, like I do, and that's why I often go in faces with like going to CSI and then not is like, I'll need a bit of a break from it. And then I'll, you know, think, okay, I need a bit of a top up and then I'll, you know, go back and have a bit of a top up and then I'll be fine for a while and then I'll be like, oh, you know, actually no, I need a top up.
I need a top up. So anyway, I just hope that there's something in there for everyone. I hope that you are taking what you need from it. And I hope, I really, really hope that even if you haven't listened to every single episode, which is fine, that's not the intent, that the episodes you have listened to, there's just been one penny drop moment, one nugget of gold that you can take away and be like, yeah, this is what I needed.
So today I'm going to talk about respecting yourself. And this goes across all services. Now it's mostly aimed at females because it's based off my own personal experience, but it really goes, it really goes the same for both genders. It's, it goes both ways.
And I think it doesn't really matter what gender you are nowadays. We have to make sure that we are 100% respecting ourselves if we expect to be respected by other people. And, you know, sometimes like I find this difficult to talk about because I find myself like so full of passion and irritation. And, you know, like I just, I want to just like speak so candidly on it, but then I also don't want to fuck it up because it's such an important topic.
But, you know, it is conflicting and sometimes a bit controversial, which makes it hard to remain objective and non-judgmental about something that I feel is like super imperative for every single person in service, like across policing, farries, anything. Because the bottom line is, any service that you're going into is maldominated. Like that's the bottom line. Like police, farries, military, some like specific jobs, like some cause, so say like medical or it might be more like 5050 or SIGs might be 5050 or you know there might be jobs in rough 3050 or whatever.
Or there's more females or whatever. But the bottom line is overall there's only about like 15 to 20% females across military. I think if that statistic is wrong just the amiennal corrector, but I'm pretty sure that that's the latest. But, you know, I do think that this topic is, should be of high importance and of high consideration for anyone who's about to jump into any sort of career in any sort of service.
So, you know, the bottom line is here, you have to respect yourself. And this isn't just talking about, you know, who you choose to like have sex with or how many people you choose have sex with. It's not about that. It's not about like how permissive you are or aren't.
Although that definitely comes into it. It's about, you know, having respect for your self-worth and your value in an organization and understanding that, you know, you are more than just your gender or you are more than just your rank or you're more than just your whatever, you are someone that deserves to be respected for an array of reasons, right? And you don't have to just get respected because you're an officer or get respected because of this. Like, yeah, sure, by way of the rank on your chest, you are probably going to be respected because they've got no choice or they'll get in trouble if they don't respect you.
But, you know, it doesn't mean that, I guess like, you know, saying officer, you know, a true commander or a 2-I-C, BK, whatever they are in your core, you know, is a bit of a dick. It's like, yeah, I'm still gonna call you Sir or ma'am, but like the boys as in the diggas are gonna be like, fuck is it dick to work for? You know, it doesn't look out for the boys, totally feathering his own ass in it for himself. So it's like, yeah, you'll get respect, but have you earned it?
You know, that's a different thing. So, you know, and basically what it comes down to is like, for you to expect respect from anyone who you work with, you need to ensure that you have a high level of respect for yourself, first and foremost, right? So, and as I've said, this is broken down into like many different topics, right? Many different, not topics, but like subheadings, subtopics.
And, you know, I guess I'll caveat this by saying that, you know, I'm not generalizing any category of people within defence or police or anything. This is just like, you know, these are just characters I've come across in my own career that I feel are worth highlighting or, you know, like fictional characters of situations that, you know, based off situations that I know of from other friends or, you know, whatever. I'm not going to name any names anyway, so it's fun. But, you know, for those that have yet to embark on your careers, I think it's worth knowing this stuff prior to going in.
And, you know, the other point I want to bring up is that, like, I'm by no means suggesting that you go and tell someone of a high rank to go and get fucked. You know, this goes against the values and rules within your organisation and like, discipline is of extremely high importance, particularly in the military. And any issue that you face will have an appropriate chain come on that you can access in order to deal with that issue. You know, I'm not saying like, go out and tell your fucking OC to get fucked tomorrow.
Like, definitely not do that. Alright, so I guess like, as a serving member of the ADF, you'll, you know, find yourself in close quarters with the same people for a long period of time. And like, same goes for policing, I guess, you know, when you're at the academy, whoever your partner is that you're on shift with, like, you could be spending like 12, 16 hours with the same person in a car, you know. It happens when you're on courses, when you're out field, when you're in deployment, when you're, you know, just working day to day in the office environment, like, you get to know your peers, superiors, and subordinates on a real, deeper level compared to, you know, colleagues you might have in your civilian life because a lot of the times of being like, you go to work, go home, you don't really associate with people outside of work.
I know a lot of people do, but it's, you know, just a different, it's just different. When you are in the military or policing or whatever, you can sometimes spend 24, 7 with the same people, which can essentially lead you to feel as if you've been in the years, even when it's only been a matter of weeks. Like, I know within the first week of Kapoor, you know, like me and the girls in our room, like, talking about the shape of each other's boobs and like, you know, telling each other our long life stories and like it wasn't anything untoward. It was just like, we're just all super comfortable with each other.
It's like, we're not going to be in a share house for three years, which, you know, is also pretty fun. But, you know, you'll share things all the time with each other that you might not share with anyone else in your life due to just level of trust. And it's really fucking hot here today. I've just gone to the bottle-o, which was open, thankfully, and got some selcers and they're going down a tree.
Anyway, so yeah, you like your share things with each other that you probably wouldn't share with anyone else in your life. Just do you like that level of trust and comfort that gets built up at a real rapid rate? And like I said, you know, within a week, I was super comfortable with the girls in my room. And, you know, Sango is like, when you're on a course, I'm doing myself on sergeant, and there were only four girls on the course.
And within like the first two days, we're all friends. And we still like chat to each other, you know, nowadays, like we're all, you know, mostly just on social media and stuff. It's going to be like strong friendships, right? Through sexual chemistry, you know, romantic relationships, to casual sexual relationships, like, you know, it's all sorts.
And, you know, the military really does have a very strong ruling about fraternization in the workplace. And it is a chargeable offense if it's proven. And it has the ability to upend your entire reputation, your entire career. So there are policies and measures that get put in place to ensure that it doesn't happen.
However, you know, it'll be the first to admit that you can't really help the way you feel when you meet people. But you know, you can be in control of your personal conduct in these situations. It's not saying like, you can't meet someone and have feelings and fall in love. Like, that's fine.
You know, it's how I know what first husband. I'll say that like I've had a few. But, you know, it's not just restricted. Like, fraternization isn't just restricted because the military being archaic and unreasonable.
Like, how dare you, like, you know, have sex with someone you work with. It's about the way they expect you to behave. And it's there because there's a need to protect the integrity, the rapport and the efficiency of teams in the work environment. And if two people have a physical or romantic relationship and they work together, they naturally act different towards each other.
And everyone else acts differently towards them. Because even though as much as you hide it, everyone fucking knows. Like, you can be doing your best to be very, like, platonic and hiding it. Everyone fucking knows, right?
You'll never hide it. And it has the ability to cause tension with other members. Like, you know, who might feel that one member is favoring someone or covering up their misdoings. Just because they're sleeping together.
And the same goes for like a couple who might live and work together. And so I have to come to work after a big fight. Like, the tension could be cut with a knife. You know, and I speak from experience here.
You know, Michael and I are having TVG together, being in a relationship together, having staff together. Like, I'm pretty sure they all fucking knew if we'd had a fight that day. You know, everyone in the workplace feels it. And it's like, it's super uncomfortable and terrible for productivity.
And, you know, when it comes to relationships, it's expected that you will declare them to your chain of commands so that that can be managed effectively. And you'll likely be separated at work. So you can just get on with your job and not have too much to do with each other where it can be avoided. So, you know, in a regiment or a battalion or whatever, you might be sent to different companies or batteries or squadrons to make sure that you're not in the same chain of command or, you know, you might be given different roles so that like you're not having to actually work together.
This is it saying like if you're in the same unit or the same station. If you're at different units, it kind of like doesn't really matter. But, you know, it's, you know, they do their best to try and separate people where it can be avoided. I've seen it first hand, I've seen units still really well.
I've seen units still really poorly. But, you know, at the end of the day, like if you have, you know, relationship, that you, you know, think is serious, you should declare it. And then that way it kind of just takes the pressure. It's like, yep, we're in a relationship.
Let's move on. You know, but this is different to like sexual, kind of, string casual sexual relationships. And, you know, this can be with people outside your workplace, instructors, like anyone really. And this is where it can get messy.
And as unfortunate as it is, females are less likely to get away with this than males. It's just, it's just what it works like. If a male is sleeping with one or several females and he's generally deemed to be a bit of a legend by his mates. But, you know, in the military, the female is found to be looking at for friends with or has chemistry with or is sleeping with someone else, then, you know, she's obviously a slot.
Not my words. That's just society's perception. You know, it doesn't matter that, you know, she actually has a lot of respect for herself and value for herself and she just really enjoys having sex with that dude. Everyone's going to think you're a slot.
But, you know, he might also have high values and a respect for himself and he just really wants to have sex with her. Yeah, fuck yeah, man, high fives, like, get into it. You know, and I guess like we're in 2023 now, right? And, you know, things are changing and, you know, our view towards this sort of stuff is changing.
But, you know, like, at the end of the day, like, there's still a difference in how each gender is viewed in these situations. And, like, for me as a woman, as frustrating as it is, we have to be careful with the way in which we conduct ourselves. Given that females are a minority category within defense, it is very likely you'll find yourself in a male-dominated environment. You'll naturally become really good friends with lots of males and you'll have great banter, quality working relationships and naturally just get to know them as well as you would any other female colleague.
But, from the outside looking in, it can be viewed really inaccurately by others. And there'll be an assumption that, yes, of course, they're sleeping together or, you know, there's something untoward going on. It's like, oh my God, I'll just get along really well. I kind of have friends.
I found this particularly frustrating over time, but, you know, it is what it is. And you just kind of have to do your best to work through it. You know, but it is difficult to convince people otherwise and make them see that there's nothing more going on than just an innocent friendship. Like, you could run yourself into the ground attempting to prove it or you could just hold a head high and know that you have respect for yourself and you're conducting yourself with maturity and dignity.
And that, you know, like we're just friends guys, get over it and eventually, you know, people will get over it. But, you know, like a dog at a bone, sometimes once the digs find out about something, they'll hold on to it. So, you know, I have experienced this firsthand and it did a care lot throughout my career. I was generally always surrounded by males at work.
So, my only friends were males. I mean, I was in a male dominated court, a male dominated unit, and it's just the way that it goes. But, like, for the most part, I didn't really have many problems. I did it in the early years, like when I was at IT and stuff, but like, you know, that all passed.
But all it takes, like, is for one person to say, like, oh, who did you see, like, oh, you know, him and her talking? Oh, I bet they're fucking. And then it spreads like wildfire. And what you thought was an innocent chat during mornos on your course with, you know, one of the other male diggers or whatever.
It turns into a full blown affair according to the rumours. So, you know, this is where you need to have the ability to, like, have this respect for yourself and hold your head high and know that, like, whether it's true or not, but, you know, in this instance, we're talking about it not being true. You guys just had a chat and everyone's like, well, of course we're fucking. It's like, oh, guys, grow up.
You know, hold your head high, handle it with maturity rather than getting all frustrated and upset or whatever. You know, then they're going to see that as proof that obviously they are. But, and it doesn't matter if you are, like, as long as it's all about board, but it's like, if you, if you're not and you want people to know that you're not, that's where you need to be mature about it, just really hold your head high and just let the rumours blow over. So, I will put my hand up and offer full disclosure here.
I met my, my ex-husband using his news go when I was on ITs and he was a different call, living in a different building. I was just met through mutual friends like that went to Capooger with him and we struck up a friendship, hung out with all the same people on the weekends and kind of knew that we liked each other pretty early on. The only time that we really ever met up alone was on weekends when we were go off base. And we waited until after we both finished ITs to enter into a serious relationship and, you know, I declared it to my channel command when I got to my unit and it wasn't problematic because he was posted to a different unit.
But like as I mentioned earlier, like had that have been someone in the same unit that, you know, that would have had to be managed differently. You know, but I don't really want to talk about that anymore because like out of respect for him I don't really need to talk about that chapter in my life. But yeah, it just, just so you know that about me. So I'm not sitting here going like, oh I'm an angel, I didn't do anything wrong but it's still just, you know, yeah I've been there so I get it but there's a way to handle it and I wait and I'll handle it.
So on the flip side to this, if you're sleeping with someone or a few people, just expect that people, like everyone all about it, particularly if you're the female and you have said to, you know, the do that you're sleeping with, that you know, on the one night that you hooked up, you know, don't tell anyone and he's like sworn that he won't tell anyone, he's going to tell everyone. So he might swear to you that it will remain a secret but I guarantee within a few days everyone will know about it. He'll be a legend, you'll be a slut. So you need to really be prepared for like the, I don't want to say the consequences but like the flow on effect of that and what that means and what that could look like for you.
And obviously the consequences are, you know, the military disciplinary system if your channel command chooses to implement that or you know, it could mean that it makes difficult for you guys to work together or whatever but just know that in the majority of instances it's not going to be kept a secret. You need to, I guess, ponder that pride too embarking into that engagement with said sutta. Now I'm purely talking here in heterosexual terms obviously saying goes for like male male, female and female relations as well. I'm just using heteronormative terms because that is my orientation and that's the terms that are familiar to me.
You know, your behavior essentially is going to determine your reputation and if your reputation is accurately negative then it'll follow you around for your entire career. You know, I've known of girls who like I'll work with someone and they know someone else and I'll go back and be like, oh, I met such and such the other day, like you guys know, I'm just going to be like, oh, God, I can tell you some stories about her. And it might just be that like she's stuck with one dude once on IT is now everyone thinks she's a slut for a whole career, you know, but it follows you around and it fucking sucks but you'll always be known as that girl wherever you go and will impact the way in which people interact with you and treat you in the workplace. And you know, as an adult woman or men, your sexuality and your sexual encounters are really of no one's concern.
But unfortunately in these instances where you, your relationships, you know, escalated a rapid rate with people and you become friends quick are with people and you kind of just know more about people quicker. Like they become everyone's concerned because you are in such close proximity and spending so much time with these people all the time. You know, if your private life gets kept private, then you'll find that you're treated no different in the workplace. If your private life mixes with your work life, then it generally will become public knowledge and you'll be treated differently within the workplace.
And that's not across the board. There'll be some units where none gives a shit and there'll be other units where they're all in amongst the goss and fucking love it. So it kind of just depends on the people you're working with but this is a shit that you have to be prepared for. I guess, you know, a bit of a saying that Michael used to like to pass on to the girls when they were departing at our gym and they'd be like, oh, you know, you've got any like last minute of advice before I go, any of you like, don't shit where you eat.
Obviously, if you take this literally, it's never going to end well. But you know, and that just means basically like, keep your personal endeavors out of your workplace, if you can. And if you can't then really try to be mature about it and keep it all above board. So having a lack of respect for yourself means you're unfortunately giving others a reason to treat you the same.
But respect yourself and handle things in a mature manner and be prepared to back yourself and your actions and the decisions you make in this arena. And people will have every reason to respect you. Hold your head high, do the right thing. We've got to get your job and the rest will just fall into place.
Alright, this has been helpful for those in need. We'll see you tomorrow.