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Tickets to the general public June 30th at somethingworthknowing.com So come build a better world with us on September 16th and experience something worth knowing you can get your ticket at Complexly.info slash something. Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. That was low energy. Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John.
Don't worry I've heard a thing of it. It's a comedy podcast in which two brothers answer your questions give me to be some advice and bring you all the weeks news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon. John Green, how are you doing? I mean no John what is the elephant in the room?
All right are you ready? Three, two, one, manhole. The Golden State Killer. So my elephant in the room is Manhole.
Hank in last week's pod you suggested that a really excellent name for a pet would be Manhole. I put you under a lot of pressure to come up with 20 good pet names in 20 seconds and you came up with seven and I thought you were going to crush it but then you came up with Manhole which was pretty disappointing except that several people were inspired to name their own pets Manhole including Abby who wrote in Dear John and Hank I'd like to introduce you to Manhole or Manny for short and adorable little kitten. She also signed off. She's not too shabby.
Really good name specific sign off. Abby also Jack wrote in to introduce us to his fish Manhole and Anna went so far as to rename her 15 year old cat who had previously been named Caspert which is a perfectly reasonable cat name but is now named Manhole which I'm sure your 15 year old cat will be very grateful for Anna. I'm sure that that that's going to be a highlight is being suddenly renamed in the last presumably few years of your life. And like the golden the twilight years of your cat's life is just like wait what?
It's always been my hope to retire and be renamed Manhole. Well you know John you could do that right now. You could just be done and all you got to do is podcast with me and that's it and I would be welcome to Dear Hank and Manhole. I would not be done just for the record.
My retirement does not involve podcasting with you every week. Well then do not retire. Hank why is the Golden State Killer the elephant in the room? I don't listen to many true crime podcasts or consume much true crime content.
I don't really like it. It gives me the heebie jeebies but I do follow a number of people on Twitter who are super into true crime including people who are kind of into it professionally and do that for a living. And the Golden State Killer is a guy who killed a bunch of people more than a decade ago. I don't know how many more than a decade ago.
It was like 40 years ago and as a result of Michelle McNamara's and her colleagues work at least in part the Golden State Killer has been arrested just this morning as we're recording this. He is a 72 year old man today but more than 40 years ago he began attacking women and has been responsible for several murders and many more assaults and has been captured today. It is an incredible story that this 40 year search for a criminal has finally come to an end. So congratulations to everybody who's worked so hard on that to all the law enforcement people involved on closing that case and that very dark chapter in California history.
Hank and John thank you for knowing a lot more about my elephant than I did. It was just trending on Twitter and that's all I knew. Oh yeah I haven't been on Twitter today. How's it been?
I figured out how to tweet nothing. Oh well that is a huge development. John how are things going? You have everything cut over at the John Green World?
Yes I'm just back from London where I spent a few days with my son in London. It was his first international trip since we lived for a few months in Amsterdam when he was one and we had a great time. We had a really really lovely time together and he got to have a really special visit to AFC Wimbledon which is something that he's been looking forward to for a long time as a member of the Don's Junior Trust which any child can join. It's only like $25 a year.
It's so great to be a co-owner of this wonderful community-owned fan based club and Hank Henry had a really wonderful special day. He got to meet a bunch of the players. They signed a ball for him. It was really really wonderful.
But we get to all of that during the news from AFC Wimbledon. Hank we need to get speaking of true crime to our first question. Oh this question comes from Herbie who asks, Dear John and Hank do dead bodies get sunburned? Not planning anything Herbie.
Thank you for the clarification Herbie. Yeah otherwise we would have thought that you were planning anything. Just kidding Herbie that's what people who are planning things say. They say they're not planning anything.
John you might be surprised to learn that I did a bunch of research on whether the dead bodies get sunburned. I didn't have to do research on it because I was just in the British Museum where I saw a heavily sunburned dead body just sitting there in the middle of the museum and they were like look at this mummy. He dried out in the sun and we know how he died and I was trying to shield Henry from it but Henry was like oh wow that is amazing and Henry was like he died of a shoulder wound. He got stabbed by a long knife and I was like great I'm glad that we know this much about this 8,000 year old man and I'm sure that he would be absolutely delighted to find himself dried and sunburned in the British Museum.
Can dead bodies get sunburned Hank? They can get damaged by the sun but a sunburn is a pretty specific set of things that happen and it is not just the damage that is done. In fact basically what happens is your cells get damaged by the sun and then your body has a reaction and inflames that area to do the repair work and a lot of times that is actually the thing that is causing discomfort is the inflammation of the repair rather than the damage itself but the damage itself also can cause a lot of problems and depending on how severe it is. So yeah the cells can get damaged and they can get damaged whether or not they are alive and actually like interestingly cells continue to like do some metabolizing stuff after the what we would consider the death so the individual cells will continue to be alive even after the person is dead and so you could still get some of that inflammation, you could get some of that even some like melanin production so you would get a very maybe even tiny amount of tanning that would happen after the body died but only for a very short amount of time.
Well I am glad that I know that I feel that my life has been enriched almost as much as if I had learned how to tweet nothing. I gotta keep working on tweeting nothing John. I mean wouldn't it be amazing if we all just started tweeting nothing? Wouldn't it be as just like suddenly my timeline was just like for an entire day nothing.
Just tweeting but there was nothing in the tweets. Maybe we should make that happen. Are we powerful enough to create a day on which people just tweet nothing? How powerful are we?
Are we there yet? Because that's really the goal. First off we're on the other side of the mountain so when you say are we there yet it implies that we're about to become more famous when in fact we will just become slowly less and less powerful over the next several decades which I would argue is welcome news that people who have replaced us are far better on every level. Secondly no we are not even close to powerful enough to have a sight wide day of tweeting nothing.
No. And then does everybody respond to each other with nothing and then like there's more nothing and everybody likes each other's tweets and re-tweets nothing. I don't know John. See the thing we are we're not getting we're not getting more popular.
Fewer people are knowing who we are. Agreed. But what if we're getting more influential because the people who do know who we are are getting really good jobs in like managing social media celebrity accounts. You think the person who's tweeting for Kanye right now is a nerdfighter?
Yeah who knows. I mean whoever's tweeting for Kanye just a quick word of advice. Stop. Tweet nothing.
Tweet nothing. And maybe in fact that's good advice for all of us. I find myself less and less interested in Twitter. My interest in Twitter is limited almost exclusively to your podcast, Delete This.
Well it's probably the best way to consume Twitter. It only takes an hour of your life every week and you don't have to be on Twitter. Yeah it's been great so far. I've really enjoyed it.
Hank, one of us another question. This question comes from Sarah who asks Dear Hank and John. I've heard that newborns think that their mother's body is just part of their own body. How do we know what babies think?
How do you science a baby? K. Sarah. Sarah.
I don't know that we know that much about what babies think Sarah but we know that even like four year olds still sort of think of their mothers as an extension of their bodies. Here's a really weird thing John. I realized you know a few months into my child being born and like he like when he was like a suddenly new person in the world it was like yes this was created entirely by Catherine. This was a construction completely of things that Catherine did which is remarkable but then he's gotten like doubled in size.
He's starting to do things and smile and interact and still though he's still entirely Catherine because at that point he'd only ever had breast milk in his whole life. This baby is an entire like so in a way yes they maybe do they think that they're part of their mother's body. I'm taking that question and I'm discarding it for a second to say they are like physically everything that was him up to like eight months old maybe not that long I don't know when he had his first banana like his first piece of bacon or whatever but for a long time there was this human that was entirely constructed out of things Catherine had eaten. Right it is weird no the more you think about babies the weirder they get the more you think about human life in general the weirder just life in general I think about babies is like it's the most natural thing like of course like there is no biology there are no humans without babies that's the whole point is to reproduce that's how biology works well it's not the whole point.
Sorry I'm sorry I don't need to say that in terms of like it's the whole point of life certainly not the whole point of life but it is like like in terms of evolution in terms of how like the sort of physical constraints of biology it does not function without reproduction but it seems like the weirdest thing despite it being like literally the only necessary part of life. Right if you're trying to explain reproduction to an alien planet that didn't have life the way that we have it they would be like what why how why do you have why do the babies come out just the parents why wait why why do they have to eat part of the parent's body to survive that's terrible it's like there's a great very short science fiction story that I'm going to butcher in the way of these things that talks about trying to introduce humans to an alien like bureaucracy like explaining what kind of organism they are and the bureaucrat is explaining to their boss that humans are sentient species that is entirely made out of meat. Yeah I've heard the story and the boss is like what like even they're thinking parts a meat they're all meat no we're just a bunch of just a bunch of collections of meat really deep down that's all we are so yeah there's a there's a youtube video of it which is what I've seen it's called they're made out of meat and they're like sitting in a like a diner like a roadside diner and the guy's like what they're made of meat yeah so there you go it's not just that babies think of their mothers as an extension of their body in a way where all extensions of each other's bodies and we're all actually where I intended to go from the beginning with this question we are we think that we're separate organisms but oh we are not no it's the more you think about it the grosser and weirder it gets let's move on to another question are you two upset job oh I just I really like the idea as you know Hank of being a sovereign being separate from other beings that has its own independent existence and life and I just can't be that because I am super saturated with bacteria and then also made out of meat that is made out of other people anyway this next question comes from Alice who writes Dear John and Hank I was just listening to your most recent episode really enjoyed the discussion about dates of book releases and how John was denied the ability to choose his own release date because all books come out on Tuesday so I wanted to let you in on a not so secret secret James Patterson is the only author whose books come out on a day other than Tuesday all of his books come out on Monday instead I'm a cataloging librarian who processes all of the new books that our library purchases so I see many new release books DVDs etc they all come out on Tuesday except for James Patterson just James Patterson so all John has to do is become James Patterson and then he can choose whichever day of the week he wants to publish his books on like Wonderland Alice is it possible yeah that James Patterson all powerful force in the world could make all of Twitter tweet nothing for a day because clearly he has some power that we do not have can I tell you a joke that my uncle I guess also your uncle Bill told me that I just found absolutely hilarious you should have done my uncle Bill so we could continue the conspiracy theory that we're not actually related right so your uncle Bill told me this joke I found it very enjoyable joke was like this John Grisham calls up James Patterson one afternoon and James Patterson's wife answers and John Grisham says is James there and Patterson's wife says oh he is but I'm afraid he's working on a book would it be okay if he called you back and John Grisham says I'll hold because it only takes James Patterson like 10 minutes to write a book yeah he must be probably you know on average halfway through so it'll be five minutes right right so James Patterson gets to publish his books on Monday because he's James Patterson and like two thirds of the overall sales of books that come out not sales just the total books that hit the shelves are James Patterson books at any given moment half of Barnes and Noble is James Patterson and the other half is the rest of us so I just wanted to let you know about that Hank in case you want to change the release date of your forthcoming novel an absolutely remarkable thing which is currently scheduled to come out on a Tuesday but maybe you need to call them asked for the Patterson treatment well it is Monday is the day to do it because when I was thinking about this when I was relistening to our podcast which I don't usually do but I did with the last podcast it was really good I enjoyed it we did a good job and I think about this that like okay you can't come out on Wednesday because they're gonna open the box early but you could come out on Monday because they'll open the box and if they don't they forget then well it's a daily and everybody's in there being like you're gonna open the James Patterson box and yeah and you're getting it's more good publicity for you because people are tweeting about it well there you go well you certainly can't come out Wednesday that's just ludicrous you've just had the revelation that James Patterson had 25 years ago and that is the sole reason that he has become the most successful author in the United States there must be like a bulwark against the second author being added to the Monday list because it would ruin everything and suddenly it'd be like well I'm a Tuesday author so I'm not a big deal but like if it's just James Patterson you know that like well I'm not James Patterson but if it's like five people you're like well why am I not one of those five people publisher and then you're writing it into your contract and you're feeling hurt when you come your book comes out on Tuesday you're not a real author you're a Tuesday author all of this reminds me of how much publishing and so much of life in adulthood is identical to middle school yeah I'm a Tuesday author John I'm happy just like I was happy to be a complete social out gassed in middle school that's a lie it was miserable oh it was terrible I mean I felt terrible for you but I felt worse for myself when it was happening to me all right John this question is very peripheral real related it's from Emily who asks dear Hank John due to the soon due to the upcoming release of Avengers of Infinity War and the press tour that's happening I've started to ask myself about fame what exactly is the reason I want to watch every interview with Ben Adril come book a cucumber patch I did not notice that the question so it was a surprise Ben Adril cucumber patch I understand that it's a very subjective and based on my interest if I met a famous soccer player I'd be like wow that's a famous person but I wouldn't freak out why do we respond to the construct of quote unquote fame like this and when did it start who are the first fans that's a fascinating question looking forward to learning more and Hank's novel an absolutely remarkable thing it's available September 25th and you can get a pre-order now signed on books a million Barnes and Noble and Amazon dot com dftva Emily also signed copies will be available at your local independent bookstore Emily but to get to your question I think fame is really weird and I think the way that we worship it is really weird and I'm saying this genuinely I have never read as convincing or compelling a portrayal of fame and the ways that it can be both addictive and corrosive as Hank's novel it is so smart in the way it writes about that stuff in the way that it looks at it through the lens of this young woman who becomes initially somewhat famous and then wildly famous as a result of her discovering these carls or I guess just one of the carls but the thing that gets me about Hank's book that I keep coming back to and I mean I first read it like six months ago and the reason I can't stop thinking about it is because this young woman can't stop making compromises with herself to continue to become more famous even though she recognizes pretty early on that she doesn't actually want to become more famous and that really resonates with me not only because my personal experience but also because of the people I've had around me who were far more famous than I was and seeing the difficulties that they went through I just think it's a brilliant book I really do I'm really excited for people to read it because of that that was very kind John we'll just take that put that whole thing on the back cover of the book and everybody would be very happy uh available September 25th I've been thinking a lot about specifically um so there's this sort of out-of-vogue idea in psychiatry and psychology that uh there are these fundamental fears and there's only three of them and I can't remember all three of them at the moment um but one of them is the fear of being negatively judged and I think that we are all like very driven by other people's opinions of us and it's very hard once you start to have like a lot of people having opinions about you it's almost that the quantity of opinions is superior to the quality of whatever opinion is happening to be had so a lot of people would almost rather have people think things about them at all than to have people think positive things about them and that's not like that's not I think actually that irrational of a response because we like our society values um you know influence like our society values power and I think that just like our brains value power because ultimately you want to be in a place where you can say okay September 25th is no tweet day I just want to be in that place I have to say I don't I don't buy that because I genuinely don't want to have that power right I think that power should be vested in one person I think that power should be vested in institutions and I think the worship of individuals and individual power is a big part of the problem that we find ourselves in but I think that it's the simple way to imagine things and so when you don't have a lot of direct experience with it which most people don't like you I think that it is very common for people to sort of feel like oh that's very appealing that's very exciting imagine what it would be like to be Kim Kardashian and uh and I think that that sort of bears out in the popularity of Kim Kardashian like people are excited about her because of her influence um and and sort of like imagining imagining that in a sort of hashtag goals kind of way um but I think the thing is that I don't think Kim Kardashian actually has that much power right there's this run the jewels where that goes like who really runs this like who really runs that man that says he runs this and to me that's the truth that beneath the individuals who feel that they are wielding power or who we feel our wielding power is a much larger power system that we don't look at very carefully because we're so concerned with the individuals rather than with the system that produces them and pushes them in this or that direction yeah like literally no one is powerful enough to create no tweet day no one can do that and like that that in itself it sort of says something very interesting about how we imagine power and how we imagine power acting upon us um that like in some ways uh there is a force but that force is not controlled by any individual in any like even close to any individual and so all of these all societal changes have to happen slowly because there is no one who is making these decisions consciously but to Emily's question I am curious who were the first fans John who were the first like was it like you cliddities who's you cliddities I made it up I was trying to come up with like a playwright oh that's good yeah I mean play early playwrights had fans I think that for we don't know because I think that way we have of giving power and influence to individuals even though in many ways those individuals are only expressing the whims of much larger forces that are bigger than any of us I think that goes all the way back I think that goes back to the earliest human communities it's just that those early human communities where you know a few dozen or a few hundred people big and so it wasn't as widespread there wasn't global fame until you know I don't know the 18th or 19th century we got another question John that I really think we need to focus on here is from Mara who asks Dear Henk and John my boyfriend's mom and stepdad recently bought a home and have subsequently acquired 500 bottles of the previous owner's homemade wine apparently they tried a bottle and the wine wasn't very I'm just gonna stop reading this question right now you got throw that wine away you might die you might kill somebody if you sell it on Craigslist you got four and 99 bottles of poison yeah first off how bold a person do you have to be to open up someone else's homemade wine like do you know what happened to that person do you know how you came to own this property is it possible that you came to own this property because they died of homemade wine poisoning yeah or or they had to flee the country because their homemade wine killed someone or they killed someone and put them in the homemade wine there are so many terrifying possibilities get rid of that homemade wine I don't know if you know this but I made homemade wine once oh I bet I bet you did when sarin I lived in New York we spent an exorbitant amount of money on a homemade wine kit and I'm not sure what I thought was gonna happen because I should have known such a beautiful picture you and sarin like your tidy apartment in New York to be like we're gonna be vinter's totally what we were thinking 600 square feet and ready for commercial wine production and you know I made like one five gallon jug of wine and it was so incredibly bad and I just remember thinking to myself I spent 400 dollars on this one incredibly bad five gallon bucket of wine I will never ever engage in any kind of and how was it gardening or horticulture ever again it was so bad I mean it tasted enough like grape juice because it was the alcohol content was way lower than it should have been it tasted enough like grape juice that I did eventually work my way through the entire five gallons but only because I knew that it had cost me 400 freaking dollars well let's think you know five gallons of wine is a lot my experience with homemade wine is that people bring it over to your house and then you say to yourself I wish I was drinking real wine even three dollar wine now of course I don't want to hurt the feelings of all the hardcore homemade wine people out there I'm sure that your homemade wine is great but do not bring it to my house yeah I don't trust you let's be honest I don't trust you to create something that I enjoy the flavor of and I don't trust you not to kill me John I have an important update I said winter when I was talking about someone who makes wine it is in fact vintner and I would like you to know when I typed in winter into the google the first thing that came up it says noun vinter the coldest of the four seasons no way it does I think it's a different language maybe no way that's what it says vinter the coldest of the four seasons it's on wictionary you know it does it does it's danish hank yeah i've been a danish speaker this whole time it's the danish norwegian and swedish word for winter so there you go all right let's get to this question from carly who writes dear john and heck my friends snapchat and drive they snap themselves talking into the camera singing to the radio or they just snap a video of the dashboard because they like the song on the radio obviously this is dangerous but i haven't managed to convince anyone that they're doing anything wrong driving feels safe even though it is the most dangerous thing people do every day how do I get through to my friends before they kill us all wonder wall and rex carly carly there need to be more people in the world like you who are afraid of the things that we should be afraid of and not afraid of the things that we shouldn't be afraid of like shark attacks or whatever i have vlogged while driving i feel terrible about it i feel like i made a terrible terrible example that other people might have followed and thereby endangered their lives it's not a funny business it is so incredibly serious one of the very few ways in which life is getting worse for humans in 2018 is that the number of motor vehicle accidents leading to serious injury and death in the united states is not dropping even though our cars are getting safer and the reason it's not dropping is because of distracted driving yeah i mean i i don't i don't know if there's a way to sort of like do it in a way that isn't super confrontational and doesn't drive people to defensiveness where they where they sort of like get even more tied into their bad way of behaving if there's some kind of uh like basically meme that you can create among your friends that like you are the person who cares about this and you're gonna give them a hard time about it every single time and that's because you love them there's like you're just gonna you basically you draw like a tarenosaurus rex yeah and he's called he's called snappy the don't snap while you're driving t-rex yep and you take a picture and send that to them every time and you say i'm not every time you get a snappy i'm not talking to you for a day there's no more snap chatting i'm assuming by the fact that you're using snapchat that you are under the age of 25 and so everyone you're snap chatting with is fairly new to the whole driving thing and that is when a lot of accidents happen when people are fairly new to the driving thing you start to think that you're pretty good at it but it turns out that you haven't experienced a lot of the things that you might experience the sort of outside edge cases of of traffic unfortunateness and uh and then people end up hurt and it's very bad and and like a legitimate cause of tremendous amount of tragedy and pain in the world and so i think that like if you could put together a good old snappy t-rex don't snap while you're driving t-rex picture please do that do i have the power to do that at least john probably although i think that your understanding of both teen culture and meme culture are pretty weak but i like the idea of snappy the t-rex it doesn't seem at all like a cringy thing invented by a 38 year old to keep the young people from distracted driving it doesn't seem like that at all it seems like people are totally gonna respond they're gonna be like oh wow i got a snappy the t-rex i'm in big trouble john this is how it happens this is how terrible ideas occur but i swear if an actual if an actual teen does this and it's their idea not mine it will be super cool right yes it will be super cool karly i actually think that's a pretty good idea which speaks to the fact that i'm even older than Hank and i guess there is an off chance that you are yourself our age karly in which case your friends have two problems one they shouldn't be snap chatting that is for young people and two they shouldn't be driving while distracted but anyway all of that reminds me Hank that today's podcast is brought to you by our number one most important sponsor snappy the t-rex snappy the t-rex reminding you not to snap while driving is snap the right verb for snap chatting i don't even know yes not to snap while driving since 2018 and uh five gasses also brought to you by James Patterson's tweet nothing day there's patterns and working together with social media celebrity across the world including the nerdfighter who runs con u.s twitter account to create a day in which no one tweets anything but you do tweet something it's just nothing's in the tweets and of course the aspot guess is brought to by 499 bottles of probably poisonous homemade wine not for sale and finally this podcast is made out of newborn babies they're made out of mom all right you didn't say sponsored by you said this podcast was made out of newborn babies but whatever i like it i think it's weird you're pretty new to private because you have a young child so it's kind of true and i like it we also have a project for awesome message uh Alex donated the project for awesome so that we would read this message to tommy you are an amazing person and your friends and family know it they all love you i love you never forget that there's a small chance that i mispronounced tommy in which case some of the like movingness of that message would get lost so in case it's i'm just gonna hope that it's tommy good job john this episode of your hand can jump to you by shopify there are a lot of things that stand between i have an idea and this is an idea that actually exists in the world and people are buying things from me and that is what shopify makes it easier when you start with shopify the tools to design and launch and take payments they're all there from day one you don't have to build a whole machine before you can start building the business and this is important because you also have to like look good and with shopify's templates you could get a site set up really quick that looks credible and professional without needing to code or duct tape a bunch of different tools together and when things look real that works on my brain to be like i'm doing a real thing it also works on other people's brains to be like this is legitimate shopify also has one of the best check out systems on the internet it's built to help customers finish the purchase effectively and efficiently without a bunch of roadblocks returning customers can check out with a single click that means less friction and fewer abandoned carts and a smoother experience for everybody that stuff gives you confidence early on and it gives other people confidence in what you're doing you're not wondering whether the payment system is going to work you're not wondering whether customers can get through the process shopify handles that foundation so you can focus on the thing that you're actually trying to do it's really kind of amazing to me the shopify is a tool that works from the first day your store launches when you're just starting to kick customers all the way up to being the size of good dot store or dftv.com or being the size of like matel and jim shark when you build a shopify you're building with tools that already work at every scale all you need is the idea shopify handles the rest you can start your free trial at shopify.com slash deer hank start your free trial shopify.com slash deer hank with new subscription only while supplies last until September 27th 2026 see website for more details one thing i love about summary is how easy everything feels the days are a little more relaxed my kids don't have to wake up at five in the morning and i find myself reaching for the same comfortable go anywhere pieces again and again which is why i keep coming back to quince i often wear either a long sleeve or a short sleeve button down from quince and it fits well and i never have any complaints in fact sometimes i could compliment about it i was at the airport a couple days ago i often find myself in airports and someone said i like your shirt and i said thanks it's from quince quince is 100 percent european linen pants and shirts are breathable easy to throw on in the summer upgrade your rotation needs starting at just 34 dollars their teas are soft enough to live in all day and the lightweight cotton sweaters are exactly what you want when those summer nights cool down so that's why i'm wearing quince this summer you can make your summer wardrobe easier by going to quince.com slash deer hank for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in canada too that's qunce.com for free shipping and 365 day returns quince.com slash deer hank this episode of deer hank and john is brought to you by factor imagine for a moment that you are absolutely immersed in some work where you're creating something beautiful or useful or useless and ugly but you love it anyway and you look up and suddenly you have a feeling and that feeling is that it is 2.30 p.m and that you did not eat lunch what are you gonna do are you gonna get meal delivery that's gonna cost too much and maybe be a bit of a mistake or are you gonna go to the cupboard and just eat several fistfuls of peanuts those are my two choices unless i have a factor in the fridge you can get smoky barbecue chicken breast with potato mash cream corn and peppers you can get creamy lemon pepper chicken with veggie rice peel off broccoli and carrots this has the fiber I need it has the protein I need it has the deliciousness I need what about garlic herb roasted barramundi with potato zucchini and burr blanc sauce I 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go to the show notes and I don't really know how show notes work but whatever app you're using there's probably a thing there and there will be a link there and you can use that survey monkey dot com slash r slash d h j survey 2018 super easy to remember u r l this is not like one of those annoying surveys that other podcasts make you take where they only ask questions about how to market more effectively to you this is a survey where we ask questions about how to market more effectively to you and also other things yes so please take the survey if you have a chance it is really really helpful for us to understand who you are and what stuff you're into what you like about the pod what you don't like what you like to see more than less of that sort of thing okay john this next question comes from mark who asks deer hank and john so what do you do when you're mad crushing on somebody who lives a long way away is it better to be honest stay as friendly correspondents or just we is it better to be honest stay as friendly correspondence or just wean off communication to save yourself some heartache p and p mark what's p and p pride and prejudice i assume so but it could also be proctor and proctor a new and exciting new multi national corporation it could refer to one of the world's largest golf cart dealerships p and golf carts it could refer to p and p home services oh we've urban dictionary p and p means party and play which is about sex stuff and meth why did you trick us mark the rest of your question was pretty normal and then you made us say a meth thing god as if we weren't already old enough hank after inventing snappy the andchide distracted driving t-rex good lord oh i mean i think that in general when the love compounds start flowing in our brains and we start to feel really attached and and just the that's a lovely feeling but i think that our brains can start doing a lot of tricks to make us think that a thing is possible and it may not be possible i don't i feel bad about saying this but i don't know how to do all kinds of weird gymnastics and like your brain turns into like like spinny flippy some own biles trying to convince you how you're gonna make this work i disagree with everything that you just said except for the fact that some of the biles is really good flipping which she is fantastic at she's an amazing amazing athlete but the rest of that what completely disagree with it is totally possible to have a filling long-distance relationship and if that relationship doesn't have a relationship yet this person is crushing on somebody who's a long way away right so i'm saying if you want to tell the person that you want to be in a long-distance relationship with them tell them that and see how it goes and if it doesn't work out then so whatever such as life but if it does work out that's great i know that i'm a big defender of long-distance relationships because i had a really fulfilling one when i was in college but i don't think there's anything wrong with them so that's my advice mark just communicate that's communicate is good ninety nine percent of these questions could be answered with the word communicate followed by an exclamation point that's a good shirt we should make that shirt the other one percent of questions can be answered of course with snappy the t-rex this next question comes from fras who writes here john and heck i'm currently sitting in the middle seat of an airplane using my 15 minutes of free plane Wi-Fi to ask you an incredibly pressing question shortly after takeoff the people on either side of me fell asleep wasting both the view and the clear access to the bathroom for the foreseeable future the attendants have just started serving the food and my question is can i take the subpar food that was meant for them thanks fras oh don't take strangers food from them they could wake up at any moment no we're going to have to disagree again i see are you you're going to steal a stranger's food well i'll tell you i'll tell you didn't even buy their house and inherit it i'll tell you a story about five days ago i was flying on a plane with my son to london and they wake you up even though i didn't really sleep that well because you know i was on a plane with my son they wake you up and they give you breakfast right but henry didn't want to wake up which credit to him he was trying to get a full night's sleep on the six-hour red-eye fight and so it was like this i don't know how you say this right is like asai a sai a kai you know those things oh they're little berries yeah it was like berry bowls it was one of those one of those bowls and i ate it it didn't even he wasn't awake it doesn't he doesn't care he's your son this is a person you have a relationship with you steal his food all that i steal his food yeah i guess we have a little bit different we know each other it's a little bit different but i don't think it's that different i if the person look if the food just sitting there just just eat it real quick you're in the middle seat you're suffering you're going through a hard time yeah well it depends i give it's like a if it's like a bisque cracker or a bag of pretzels maybe but if it's like a tray with dinner on it you can't start picking off their tray yeah yeah i don't know bag of pretzels i feel like an asai or a kai or whatever that is one of those bowls that's that's sort of an in-between place you can take the whole bowl and it's like oh they just gave me two they didn't give you one i got three of them and you two didn't get any i don't know what happened that's what i actually did i stacked the bowls so that he'd never notice till he listens to the pod that is all right we need to get to the all-important news from marz and a fc winbled in what is the news from marz this week you know marz has two real good moons yes top notch moons your phobos and thymas are our marz is two uh two good ol moons they're smaller than our moon they're sort of lumpy and potato because they're not big enough to form themselves into spheres when they were forming and uh and there's a lot of sort of question about how they formed and some people think that they were just captured asteroids because they look like asteroids they're the size of some asteroids and the shape of asteroids but um we to be clear we will know this for sure in like 2029 when i think that the Japanese space agency is sending a mission to one of those two moons i couldn't tell you which one taking a sample and sending it back it's a lot easier to send back a sample from phobos or demos because they're so light that the return trip is actually pretty easy because you don't have to escape a gravity well really and uh yeah so they're gonna like we'll be able to analyze a piece of one of these moons which will tell us basically everything we ever wanted to know so but at the moment it remains a mystery but there probably aren't captured asteroids which was our theory for a long time because they they both are in they rotate around marz right at marz's equator which would be a really weird coincidence if they were captured asteroids they also rotate in a way that like uh would be it would be very strange for them to be in such uh such like non elliptical orbits they're orbits are pretty circular if they were captured asteroids and also there have been some computer models that say like if this thing if you capture these moons that way they would be ripped apart by the tidal forces of being captured in marz's gravity so the new theory was that like it was what marz was hit just like earth was an early in the solar system's formation by a giant impactor of some kind and that threw off some stuff around marz that eventually coalesced into these moons um and that impactor was pretty big uh in our former models but a new paper just came out and it says that that impactor probably didn't have to be nearly as big as we thought it had to be in order for it to throw up the amount of stuff that ended up in phobos and demos so this new study basically uh that says yes it's likely and very probable that it was um that these moons were caused by an object not even that big of an object certainly big like global scale catastrophe but not like the object that hit us that formed our moon and uh and it was like less than one percent of the mass of marz that was able to create these moons but we won't know that for sure until hopefully uh that early 2020s early 20s early 20s when we start to analyze some actual pieces of these Martian moons whenever i think about the fact that our moon and potentially these two moons as well were formed by asteroids that led to a huge chunk of the planet entering the orbit of the planet yeah i am reminded of how stupidly unlikely life as we know it is well that may be true it may not be i don't know obviously we've only got a sample size of one right now in terms of planets that have life on them but but i think there's a lot to be said for the possibility that life could be not as rare as we think but it's not that it's not that it's very early in this it was very early in the solar system that this happened and basically earth was hit by basically a planet like another planet hit us right and that's like it'd be i mean like what if like the thing i think about is like all the different ways that dyes could have rolled and we could have ended up with very easily two planets very close to each other both with a lot of water both with a lot of like good gases that would be conducive to life and we could have ended up in a solar system where life happened twice in a very big way that it happened on earth and that would have been a very different trajectory when we were like early when we first were trying to figure out marz when we were getting telescopes they could see it pretty well we were starting to think like there's probably life on that planet but it turned out when we went there was not but what if we had gone and there was that would have been so deeply different a future for humanity it would have been but in a way we experienced that in the columbian exchange because there were two worlds that had very that had a few connecting points obviously over the course of the last two hundred thousand years but that were pretty separate for a lot of human history and then we discovered that there was essentially you know a second half of the world whether that second half was you know afro-eureggio or the america's depending on your depending of course on where you were when it happened but yeah i mean i think it would be very weird if there were a second planet full of life and to be clear i don't think that life is likely to be rare in the universe i just think the universe is so big yeah yep so weird and big the more it's so weird and big and we're made out of meat but 11 of these meat sticks that we call humans took the field for afc Wimbledon on saturday how's that for a transition did you say meat sticks yeah that's basically what we are just sort of stick shaped i was pretty sure i do what your phrase of the week was but now i'm feeling like meat sticks we'll see now you've made it you made it more complicated for me so henry and i went to see the afc wimbledon game against old and we had a really wonderful time it was a really special day for both of us and he had such a great time and i can't recommend going and seeing a Wimbledon game highly enough to people who are even a little bit interested in it but this was a very important game because we are now down to the last few games of the season and it is tight tight tight at the bottom in the end it was a two two draw for Wimbledon two good goals one scored by john meads one in which john meads assisted uh jopigot who put the ball away very nicely in the back of the net but unfortunately Wimbledon gave up two goals gave up a lead twice the second goal was scored in the 73rd minute uh it was pretty frustrating but a point is a point and right now a point is not a bad result three points would be better as i've said repeatedly on this podcast every year for the last 20 years 52 points has been enough to stay up in league one we have 50 points with three games remaining so we should only need by historical standards two points to stay up from the next three games however it's looking like this season might be the season where you need more than 52 points for the first time in two decades in which case we would need probably to win one of our last three games and potentially win one and draw one it's just so tight at the bottom right now one development over the last seven days is that the franchise currently playing its trade in milton keens has functionally been relegated from league one and we'll spend next season in the fourth tier of english football wow it happened uh so now it's it's just a matter of Wimbledon finding a way to stay up and maybe we'll never have to play those guys ever again that would be a good outcome but yeah we've got to win one of our last three games the last game of the season is against berry who are already relegated and so that should be a winnable game but you never want it to come down to the last game because all kinds of weird things can happen when people are under unspeakable pressure i mean the you know it's just it's it's stressful hank i wake up in every morning the first thing i do is look at the league one table and try to figure out all the ways that things could go but at this point we just need to play out the last couple games well i mean the good thing was i was paying attention to this that like not nobody in the bottom of the table won their game yeah yeah uh so that helps and it does like and that you drew is good um yeah yep i mean it's possible that 50 points the number of points we have now will be enough although i suspect not i suspect we need let's just get a win this weekend against doncaster and just calm down i mean this has been the most stressful 43 games stretch that i certainly i've had uh as a sponsor and supporter of a fc Wimbledon so i am let's just get those three points get the points all right john what is my was my phrase of the week is it bag of pretzels nope it was not bag of pretzels what was it simon biles oh god of course it's a little bit of an unusual phrase that we suggested by kimberly from the project for us and thank you kimberly for for simon biles well that's a great reason we suggested kimberly congratulations i worked it out i made it made it happen john i think yours was a cyborg you're right that's what it was yes oh man i i made up that whole story about stealing my son's food i don't know how to work it in that was suggested by an anonymous project for awesome donor so thank you anonymous for donating the project for awesome and i mean let's face it i'm always bad at the phrase of the week but especially when it's a word i don't know how to pronounce i also had uh meet sticks and shark attacks is my alt yeah i mean meet sticks i was trying to throw that in there at the last second as a curveball but you recognize it for exactly what it was all right john what do we learn today well we learned that if you come into 499 bottles of homemade wine you need to dispose of them immediately you learned that nappy the t-rex can protect you from the actual proper danger that you face daily and we learned that james patterson gets to publish on mondays and we're all made out of meat thank you for listening uh to this week's podcast thanks to hank for potting with me and thanks everybody who supports our podcast on patreon at patreon.com slash dear hank and john we really appreciate it we use that money to fund crash course and side show and the art assignment the other stuff we do here complexly so thank you and we're gonna go record now our podcast for patreon supporters this week in ryan's the worst eight minutes of your week we should talk it up more john katharlessons do it in two seconds good well i i like to lower people's expectations instead of raising them hank that's probably the right call will you read the credits yeah if you want to email us your questions please do that that's how we uh that's how we make the podcast happen it's deer hank and jane at gmail.com no dear uh and john and i are john green and hank green on twitter but less and less so um this podcast is edited by nicholas jankins it's produced by rosionahals rohasen shared in gibson our head of community and communications is victoria bonjourno the music that you're hearing now at the beginning of the episode and during this week and ryan's is by the great gunerola and as they say in our hometown don't forget to be awesome