#146: Stop Guessing. Check Perceptions Instead!

The TalkDoc & Co. discuss how conversations stall when someone answers “fine” or “I guess,” and argue the real issue is an assumption habit rather than a communication habit. They emphasize replacing certainty with curiosity because ambiguity feels threatening, and introduce the “perception check” as a tool to gather missing data. The three-part formula is: (1) neutrally describe observable behavior, (2) offer two plausible, non-loaded interpretations of equal value, and (3) ask for clarification (“What’s going on?”). They explain common ways to sabotage it (judgmental wording, unequal options, hostile tone, eye rolls, or a biased final question), note you can sometimes skip the behavior description if it’s too triggering, and show examples with partners, coworkers, siblings, kids, and friends. They conclude that the tool works when you’re willing to be wrong and assign homework to practice in low-stakes contexts. Music by epidemic sound. SHOW NOTES: Experts : Dr. Pamela Kreiser Perception Checking Formula : Neutrally describe observable behavior Offer two plausible, non-loaded interpretations of equal value Ask for clarification Links to Previous Episodes about Perception Checking: https://youtu.be/qFih99VMeOU https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/026-perception-checking-how-to-get-people-to-talk/id1552837876?i=1000532269418