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It's a comedy podcast for two brothers. Answer your questions, give you new advice and bring you all the weeks news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon. John, I was recently in Jamaica and I got a pie, a piece of pie. It was a dollar fifty and then I went to the Turks and Caicos and I got some pie and it was two dollars.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean. I mean that joke, like your level of enthusiasm, bleeds a bit to be desired. Does it sound like maybe I performed that joke a number of times while on tour? It does but mostly it sounds like you're very tired.
I am very tired John. I have a cold and a cough and I want to sleep but also I want to make a podcast with you so I had to choose and I chose this one. Well Hank, I have some great news for you. Some really heartwarming uplifting news.
Oh yeah. There are going to be catastrophic consequences to climate change. We do not. The bit works.
Wait for it Hank. Okay. If we do not dramatically decrease carbon emissions so as to limit global warming to 1.5 degrees Celsius over pre-industrial levels but but but if you go to Euronews.com you'll discover I'm just gonna quote from the story Hank. While Britain's scorching summer has left some concerned about global warming England's sparkling wine industry has seen its best ever harvest.
All right. That's right Hank for good champagne down there in France. England is the next hot spot for sparkling wine. The conditions said Mark Harvey, managing director of the wines business at Chappell Down, have been frankly perfect.
Well I mean I'm not saying that there's not going to be maybe some good news from global warming. Like either at a very cold place or less harsh winter would be appreciated. It's just going to be a little bit more firesy. Yeah.
The fire season was going to have have more of the fire part. Well let's answer some questions for my listeners because I have no comfort to offer you. This question comes from Delaney who writes Dear John and Hank I just started listening to your podcast last week and so far I'm a huge fan. Thanks for that qualified vote of confidence Delaney.
I work at Amaze. What? I work at Amaze. Okay.
I work at Amaze. And today it was my job to clean it out. Wait what? Double one.
Those are dirty mays. Okay. What? Okay.
I was given a map to help me go through it but there's an issue. I don't know how to read a map. I've been in this 2.7 mile maze. Wait what?
Hank Google 2.7 mile maze and try to figure out where we are right now in the world. Okay. I've been in a 2.7 mile maze for over an hour and I'm starting to get nervous question mark. Should I call my boss or just keep on wandering until I find my way out or should I just follow a family that looks really confident?
I think you've definitely figured out the solution. It appears to me John. Yeah. There's only one maze, one corn maze that is 2.7 miles that I have found.
Yeah. No there's two. Okay. There's two.
So it's either the Bella organic pumpkin patch in Sauvie Island 13 miles from downtown Portland or it's the MLB to PDX corn maze. Oh no that's the same one. It's the same one. Oh I see I see a 2.7 mile corn maze in Massachusetts on Satchuk Farm.
Okay so it might be that too. There's a surprising number of 2.7 mile corn mazes in America. For those of you who don't need the United States let me introduce you to a crazy idea. What if a country grew so much corn that it intentionally destroyed some of that corn in order to build a maze because our corn is now tall enough that we can't see over the top of it and so it's now a Halloween tradition.
Yeah I don't know they don't have that in other places that's an American thing. We do have a lot of corn here. I don't know. It's a corn heavy economy here in the US.
Delaney you're going to follow a family and at some point they're going to turn to you and say may I help you and you say I work here and then hopefully they'll be cool with it and you're gonna make your way out of the maze. Ultimately that's isn't that worse to be like I work here. I'm lost. You know what I do when I'm lost in a corn maze I've done this on a couple of occasions.
I just start plowing through corn. That is ultimately always an option. That's a nice thing about corn mazes. You can walk through corn just like you can walk through a cornfield and ultimately you'll be able to get out of the thing if it comes to that.
But I mean at least you're getting a lot of good cleaning done unless you're just sort of like walking around the same loop over and over again which is totally possible because it appears that this corn maze has a baseball in it. A large baseball. Like if you look at it from the sky. Oh you're looking at a large baseball that has been drawn and you might just go around that baseball loop a bunch.
And then you're going to get out of the corn maze and your boss is going to be like so did you clean every bit of the corn maze and you're going to be like I have no idea. I need a GPS. Yeah like I listen it's 2018 don't hand me a paper map. This person was almost certainly born in the 21st century.
Like they've probably never held a paper map before. Delaney probably like got the map and was like what is this physicalized experience I'm being asked to have. Why also why are people being so disrespectful to the maze that you need to clean it so frequently? Yeah.
Can we just all agree to clean up after ourselves when we're inside of a maze? And now let's do a question from Kaylee who asks Dear Hank and John my boyfriend won't register to vote. He turned 18 in December and ever since his birthday I've been telling him to register. He says he won't because his voice doesn't matter.
Oh I was wondering if you could try to convince him to vote and educate him on the importance of the matter. P.S. he said that if you answered the question he would register I just recently introduced it to the pot and he's in love. Since really just Kaylee well I guess we did it we're done.
Boom. Yeah but here's why you register to vote because all of the people who say my voice doesn't matter add up to like 40 or 50 percent of the electorate and if they voted if they understood that their individual voice is part of a larger collective if they voted then we would have better governance that more closely reflected the actual values of the United States. So it's not just about you it's about the community that you live in. I think that we can get really caught up in individualism in America.
We're an individualist country and I don't think that there's anything wrong with like people understanding that them as one person can really change and affect the world. But I also like I've always thought of this as like if like if the the cognitive whatever that is in the way of me voting is also in the way of other people voting like this kind of for me an effect where like if I get over that then I assume that other people will and we will together be an important part of the electorate. And I know that's abstract and I don't know how much it reflects reality but that's how I feel. I feel like me like figuring out how to get myself to engage with the process is in a way like reflected in lots of other people who are going through those same not mind things and so like we are together doing a thing that is going to be important and is going to change things.
Yeah I completely agree. The last thing I'll say about this is that when you vote you are not just voting for yourself and for your community. You're also voting in a way that's going to affect things for lots of people who can't vote because US policymakers shape lots of things outside of the United States. So yeah please vote please vote please make a plan to vote if you're worried about whether you're going to vote get an accountability partner text a friend and say you and I are going to figure out this voting thing together.
Vote. Sometimes people will say to me that that it's all about the corporations and they're the ones with the power but while they can't spend money trying to change the outcome of elections they can't vote that they can influence the people but the people were the ones who decide and that means your boyfriend corporations can also try to keep people from voting try to discourage people from voting and let me submit that while I've heard from a lot of young people that they think they're sticking it to the man somehow by not voting the only way to actually stick it to the man is to do what they don't want you to do which is vote okay moving on this next question is from Ryan sorry I got a little emotional here John and Hank I've recently been invited to an art gallery with a friend I haven't seen for a year how do you make an entertaining and respectful companion in an art gallery ooh this is actually one of my areas of expertise yeah I never go to art galleries unless it's with someone I'm quite close to I don't know I need your help John I also need help with this that seems like a weird friend date I love it as a friend date or as a romantic date because it's a chance to hang out together and share an experience and you can have conversation but you can also have quiet time Ryan I would err on the side of quiet especially if you don't know a lot about art the first I went to an art gallery was when I had a crush on Sarah and she was managing a gallery in Chicago and she was like we have an art opening you should come and so I did and I went alone and first off there was free wine which I felt like I'd hacked the system there was free wine everywhere and then I went to like a different gallery that was on a different floor at the same building and there was free wine there and I was like does this just go on all night and it does anyway what I would do Ryan is I would listen listen especially if the person that you're with knows more about art than you do listen and then respond to what they say rather than like offering your own opinions or if you do offer your own opinions make them impressionistic don't try to seem smart just try to just right respond to the art the way that you respond to it emotionally or intellectually don't try to seem like you know about art because down that path lies ruin yeah you know that's that's something I had to come to terms with as as an appreciator of art like that I'm not here that like the value that I can provide in terms of like like having an emotion about a piece of creation is not like my critique it's not like within the context of everything that I know it's like I like that why do I like that what is it that I like about that or I don't like that or like I didn't like it at first but then now I'm starting to like it or I like it from far away but close up I don't like it as much so letting my opinions happen and then doing a little bit of analysis for why it's more about me than it is about like trying to understand what art is and that helped me a lot in sort of getting over the pretension that I sometimes think we can feel about art yep I totally agree so thanks for helping me work through that John well I'm happy to do it if I can this next question comes from Laura who writes Dear John and Hank I'm making spaghetti and I'm curious about the most efficient way to boil water when I'm filling the pot with water from my sink is it more or less energy efficient for me to use the hot water tap what about if I fill my spaghetti pot with water from my electric kettle which is nearly boiling thanks for your advice on this incredibly pressing matter Laura it depends I actually know about this John I know the actual answer to this question so I also know the answer oh are we gonna fight about it well there is only one answer which is that you use cold water from the tap that you then heat on the stovetop yeah probably that's more efficient if you're talking about because of course the hot water comes out of your tap comes from your hot water heater which was also heated your hot water heater is probably more efficient than your stovetop is but in the process of getting from your hot water heater to your tap you probably was a lot of energy warming up the pipes and stuff so it's probably better to put it but it might not be it depends like it's pretty close but your kettle is definitely more efficient than your stove at heating water so this is actually I do this all the time it's also faster I heat water in my electric kettle and then I pour it into my pot and then heat them like use the pot to do the like the last little bit of boiling it and that that is more efficient because kettles are better at heating water and it's also faster because kettles are better at heating water okay Hank it's the rare occasion when you actually have helpful life hacks this next question comes from Nicole I'm just gonna keep asking them Dear John and Hank I was recently a Hank's book tour in Milwaukee afterwards when I returned to my car someone had broken my car window Nicole I feel personally responsible for this oh wait no I wasn't at the show I'm Milwaukee Nicole this is Hank's fault they didn't take anything and insurance covered the fix so it wasn't more than an inconvenience but as soon as I noticed I called my mom to ask what to do I'm 25 years old and I've always thought of myself as independent my question is this why do we teach that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell but not how to navigate occurrences that we may run into in our daily lives when will I finally hit the point in my life where I don't have to call my mom every time something new happens somebody already use my name specific sign off Nicole um well well the answer is that you you always have people in your life that you'll go to when you're confused about how to handle a situation and that might be like a work thing it might be a logistical like insurance claim thing it might be like your last will and testament like you need people to help you through stuff and and we're all always learning and I think part of the reason why we don't learn that stuff in school is because one it changes a lot like different insurance companies are different and two uh it's so much stuff and and like knowing what it's going to be for every individual person like we're never gonna know life is gonna throw different curveballs to different people but knowing the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell that's gonna come in handy every day yeah I think that's one of the things that started about teaching a personal finance class in high school right is that personal finance is different for almost everyone and it depends upon many many different variables I remember I called my dad shortly after my son was born and asked him at what point he felt like I became like a net asset in terms of being able to provide more solutions and opportunities than uh you know problems for him specifically yeah and he was like uh I'll let you know when it happens you were still more work than you're worth John yeah which I appreciated and also think was very true so I don't know how to answer your question really because I definitely have not gotten to that place of sustainable independence yet and I also think I may never get there and I also think the call that like you would have found a way to figure it out if you had to and like this was just the most convenient way that you had at the moment and uh you know ultimately having someone anyone there to to be a help is always really nice and so it just be thankful that you have this next question comes from Allison who writes dear John Hank my roommate and I recently moved out of the department and we went our separate ways she left about a month before I did and purposely left some things behind like a lamp and a cello she never learned to play Allison I'm sensing a bit of animosity I don't like to read emails for tone but I feel like maybe this didn't have its best possible ending in terms of a roommate relationship the lamp I obviously would have some use for but what do I do with this cello now that I'm in my new place do I try and teach myself how to play the cello do I give it to the next person I live with should I sell it and donate the money to help decrease world suck please help a fellow with a cello Allison Allison I don't know if I'm just projecting a personal experience here but have you ever like purchased like for example say a drum set and then it sits in the corner of your office for like five years and you've played it like two times and you look at it every once in a while and you're like I should probably do that and then but it kind of becomes like an object of resentment a little bit because it's like that thing that I wanted to have happened is never going to happen uh and to the point where like maybe if you move out you're like I'm just gonna leave that drum set there because that it just makes me sad now is that what happened with the cello yeah of course that's what happened with the cello but we're not here to psycho analyze Allison's former roommate we're here to deal with the cello and the correct way to deal with the cello is of course to put it very prominently on a cello stand in this whatever the central room of your new apartment is so whenever you have a visitor they come in and the first thing they see is the cello and they say oh do you play the cello and you say no or or what about the long con john I don't know what your long con is going to be but here's my initial thought about the long con what if Allison invests extremely heavily in cello lessons four to five hours of cello per day for years and years and years Allison gets so good at the cello she starts playing for the Milwaukee symphony orchestra I'm assuming that there is such a thing and then she invites her ex-rumate to the opening show of the hardest burn Beethoven 17th cello symphony and it's just Allison in front of the whole symphony just Allison cranking in front of the audience of exactly one because it's it's the night before the actual opening and it's just Allison's ex-rumate and it's like you know how you never cleaned the dishes while you left your cello and I just started noodling around and here I am the greatest cello player in all of Wisconsin is Milwaukee in Wisconsin it is how was your tour visit there it doesn't seem like you went particularly deep God it's such a thing like I've never I mean I got home from tour and my wallet was bulging with a little bag receipt tags that you're supposed to hold on to in case they lose your bag I had like 35 of them well yeah I mean you went on 16 or 17 airplane flights in 13 days it was crazy that's why I like to travel the country in a bus yeah that sounds nice the tour was a complete whirlwind and I was only on half of it and I even though it was a week ago I remember almost nothing but I do have one extremely vivid memory hank which is that in Canton, Ohio you and I went to a restaurant that was also a bar that was also a honky-tonk that had the windows named Georges yeah that definitely happened Georges was the only restaurant open in Canton, Ohio when our show ended we went there and it was the best restaurant and experience I have ever had in my entire life I loved it very much at the end of the night we hadn't finished our pretzel bites and the waitress was like oh do you want me to discount those and we're like that's not that's not how this works she's like you basically only ate a half order and we were like we bought the whole order though like that's what happens that's that's how buying food works I drank as many miller lights as I wished to have I ate like a king and our tab was if I recall correctly 36 dollars I also got to enjoy live music there were four of us to be clear there were kale chips there were kale chips yeah and and at the end of the night our New York City publicist was like I think that there's been a problem with the bill yeah no she inquired about the bill because she felt that it was too low and honestly I agreed with her for that level of entertainment I would expect to pay 38 or even 39 dollars yeah anybody near Canton going over see Georges we actually saw several people several nerdfighters inside Georges yeah we did and we're like hey what the heck are you doing in Georges yeah which reminds me that today's podcast is brought to you by Georges Georges it's in Canton, Ohio and it has no windows no it was very confusing when we first arrived we were like are we going into a place this podcast is also brought to you by nicole'smom.com where you can go to get life tips and advice from nicole's mom why don't why isn't that a thing tump just wow that is a really violent insurance claim hank of all of the terrible million dollar ideas you've ever had that is an actually good idea you just call when you're confused about something you're like I've been in a car accident and they're like here's how it works today's podcast is also brought to you by hanks electric kettle hanks electric kettle it is more efficient than gas so heat and finally this podcast is brought to you by Bella Organic pumpkin patch 2.7 miles of spotless maze thanks to lady thanks the lady this episode of your hank of john is brought to you by shopify there are a lot of things that stand between I have an idea and this is an idea that actually exists in the world and people are buying things from me and that is what shopify makes easier when you start with shopify the tools to design and launch and take payments they're all there from day one you don't have to build a whole machine before you can start building the business and this is important because you also have to like look good and with shopify's templates you can get a site set up really quick that looks credible and professional without needing to code or duct tape a bunch of different tools together and when things look real that works on my brain to be like I'm doing a real thing it also works on other people's brains to be like this is legitimate shopify also has one of the best checkout systems on the internet it's built to help customers finish the purchase effectively and efficiently without a bunch of road blocks returning customers can check out with a single click that means less friction and fewer abandoned carts and a smoother experience for everybody that stuff gives you confidence early on and it gives other people confidence in what you're doing you're not wondering whether the payment system is going to work you're not wondering whether customers can get through the process shopify handles that foundation so you can focus on the thing that you're actually trying to do it's really kind of amazing to me the shopify is a tool that works from the first day your store launches when you're just starting to get customers all the way up to being the size of good dot store or dftba.com or being the size of like Mattel and Gymshark when you build a shopify you're building with tools that already work at every scale all you need is the idea shopify handles the rest you can start your free trial at shopify.com slash deer hank start your free trial shopify.com slash deer hank with new subscription only while supplies last until September 27th 2026 see website for more details one thing I love about summary is how easy everything feels the days are a little more relaxed my kids don't have to wake up at five in the morning and I find myself reaching for the same comfortable bow anywhere pieces again and again which is why I keep coming back to quince. I often wear either a long sleeve or a short sleeve button down from quince and it fits well and I never have any complaints in fact sometimes I get compliments about it I was at the airport a couple days ago I often find myself in airports and someone said I like your shirt and I said thanks it's from quince quince is 100% European linen pants and shirts are breathable easy to throw on in the summer upgrade your rotation needs starting at just 34 dollars their tees are soft enough to live in all day and the lightweight cotton sweaters are exactly what you want when those summer nights cool down so that's why I'm wearing quince this summer you can make your summer wardrobe easier by going to quince.com slash deer hank for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada too that's qunce.com slash deer hank for free shipping and 365 day returns quince.com slash deer hank this episode of deer hank and john is brought to you by factor imagine for a moment that you are absolutely immersed in some work where you're creating something beautiful or useful or useless and ugly but you love it anyway and you look up and suddenly you have a feeling and that feeling is that it is 2.30 p.m. and you did not eat lunch what are you gonna do are you gonna get meal delivery that's gonna cost too much and maybe be a bit of a mistake or are you gonna go to the cupboard and just eat several fistfuls of peanuts because those are my two choices unless I have a factor in the fridge you can get smoky barbecue chicken breast with potato mash, cream corn and peppers you can get creamy lemon pepper chicken with veggie rice peel off broccoli and carrots this has the fiber I need it has the protein I need it has the deliciousness I need what about garlic herb roasted barramundi with potato zucchini and burr blanc sauce I don't really know what that means but it sounds delicious what about a black bean taco bowl with corn salsa and cilantro crema a delicious high fiber high protein meal that no animals had to die for any of those can be ready in two minutes fresh never frozen over a hundred rotating weekly meals including globally inspired flavors like Mediterranean and Asian factor shops perhaps cooks and delivers straight to your door so you have more time for everything you love this spring head to factor meals dot com slash deer hank 50 off and use the code deer hank 50 off to get 50 off and free daily greens per box with new subscription only wild supplies last until September 27th 2026 see website for more details we also have a personal message to read from somebody who donated the project for us and that somebody is brian in Omaha Nebraska who wrote this message for Nina you are an incredible woman and sometimes things might be tough in a new place but I can think of no person better able to handle obstacles than you so there you go Nina I hope that helps john got another question it's from Carl who asked steer hank and john I recently finished an absolutely remarkable thing available now wherever books are sold and I really enjoyed it there's a problem however as a person named Carl the book was exceptionally more weird than I think Hank intended I intended to be pretty weird do you have any advice on how to get the intended reading experience out of a book in which all the characters are constantly talking about the existential impact of my existence on the human species not 10 foot tall robot from New York Carl I mean it would be a weird reading experience to be named Carl because people are talking about you in really big ways you know they got a lot of opinions about you big opinions it reminds me of the recent tweets from from Sean Spicer but not Sean Spicer and Brett Kavanaugh but not Brett Kavanaugh and how they're just like we need to have a support group for this and Sarah Sanders is like yeah I'm feeling yeah yeah first off Brett Kavanaugh the twitter user is a very funny twitter user like he's very charming um but his most recent tweet on october 5th went viral it was this is a terrible time to be named Brett Kavanaugh well he's like he's spelled very slightly different but uh yeah I think if people aren't being careful also today on on twitter hurricane Michael is trending but hurricane is spelled wrong in the trending page and I'm just like well I guess that's where we're at yeah it's never fun to have a hurricane named after you either so shout out to our dad who is having to struggle with being a famous hurricane right now I'm sorry Mike yeah Carl I would take it as good news that Hank has chosen to lift your name up in this way and just lean into it be like yeah I am a Carl you are a Carl live live your Carlness this next question comes from Emma who asks dear Hank and John I'm a college freshman living my own for the first time so far as living with five other people can be called living on my own now that I'm out of the house though I'm confronted with a predicament I'd never given much thought before where does the silverware go we share a number of things between us one of which is silverware and that's been vanishing at a remarkable rate I hope you can help us with this dilemma dill Emma oh very good very good Emma very good is this a thing I have not lost silverware yeah in the last 12 years but I have the same silverware set since we got married 12 years ago exactly me too and we have not needed to like replenish it or anything no however in the 12 years before that I would estimate that I lost every fork I ever encountered it's got to be the roommates right nobody's respecting the property because it's all shared property well although in my case I was the roommate you needed you needed somebody in a house who you really had to like maintain a strong relationship with like because you were married to them who would who would force you to be more respectful of the cutlery I remember I moved out of one apartment and as I was moving out I found like a plate underneath my bed that just had like two forks and what must have been 17 year old fried rice oh god this is the problem this is this is what's occurring yeah so Emma the good news is that there's no way your rice is 17 years old because it's your only 19 or 18 it could be worse yeah oh I was such a filthy person god I mean I want to go back like whenever I think about early 20s me all I can picture is like holding a hose with extremely high water pressure and like just washing that person just just getting under all the all the things in their clothes just being like and like in their head to like their mental health as well needs a good high pressure spray oh god that was a wreck yeah you were much love to my roommates from that era we're actually having a reunion soon and I'm so excited but at the same time I'm like I can't believe these people are willing to be in my company again John I have another silverware related question that I was asking but it turns out that we have good answers to both of them this one comes from Alvaro who asks dear Hank and John I was having lunch while looking at the fork I was using I wondered why aren't forks trident shaped why do we need to add that extra point why do we stop at four points any dubious advice as to why I insert this miniature weapon into my mouth on a daily basis is greatly appreciated love the show Alvaro hey I actually know the answer to this question okay what's the answer to the question so when we first started using forks in around like 1500 they only had two times oh that's because like yeah like like a turkey fork when you're dirt curvy turkey yeah because every new time that you would create was extra work so you wanted to use the minute number of turns sure that makes sense the problem was that people would stab themselves like they would right it sounds extremely dangerous as soon as you said that I was like ow I don't want to put that in my mouth they would stab the roof of their mouths they would you know get it stuck between all kinds of problems and so they were like maybe we should have a third time and they did and then they were like you know what might be better a fourth time and it was and then they were like you know what might be better a fit and then everyone was like no that's worse it was it's the exact same thing as with razors like remember how razors for all the human history had two blades and then the mock three came out and everyone was like oh my god three blades on one razor this is revolution I don't know if lots of people weren't alive for this but like it was as close to a consumer product revolution as I have witnessed in my lifetime except maybe people were adoption of the personal computer they were so excited people were so like it was like it was such an event and it's so very strange to think back now at what an event it was a third blade to the mock three I remember reading about it in Time Magazine and like not an advertisement but like in an article yeah yeah man we cared about things that were different back then so anyway then everybody had three blades and one day somebody was like now we're gonna release a razor with four blades and it didn't make quite as big of a splash and then somebody was like now we're gonna release a razor with five blades and everyone was like actually this is worse like let's go back to the mock three like that was a good number of blades and that's exactly what happened with forks oh I wonder if it's the if it's the use of the fork we're having five times is like that doesn't work as well or if having five times is like I just that looks like too many it looks like a hand right I don't like it it looks like a human hand I'm not trying to creep me out I'm trying to employ a tiny child to feed me I just want to use a fork yeah this is like a weird robot child's arm that I've taken Google Google fork with five times and tell me you've ever seen anything uglier like I am super creepy why is that so creepy I'm nauseated why did I like that I feel like I'm gonna be oh god it's terrible it reminds me of Bart Simpson's head oh I don't like that one either that's so strange why wouldn't I like that oh well there you go there's your answer they're disgusting quote so horrifying they are they look very oh my gosh whoof I don't know why I don't like it I don't though we don't like it we don't like it all right this next question comes from Kate Hank who writes dear John and Hank I've recently started adding more vintage style pieces to my wardrobe you've come to the right place for advice Kate I mean we are well I don't know if you know this but I actually have a column in vogue I'd like to complete my outfits with hats but hats that are not beanies or ball caps are just not as popular as they used to be should I flaunt ridiculous early 20th century hats in style or keep it subtle and leave the feathers ribbons and flowers behind not the one with the amazing Titanic hat Kate John when you said that you had a column in vogue I honestly pictured that like they took a picture of a part of your house that had a column in it and that was in vote and I was like that's believable why would that be weird well first off that implies that I married to the kind of person who would ever ever purchase a home with a column in it I don't know I realize I've alienated a huge percentage of our audience with that but it's true I mean Sarah I there's maybe five things in the world that Sarah is more opposed to than exterior columns on a home she likes the interior ones though just like a big pillar well I mean you know you need something to hold up a house sure sure no it's Sarah loves a clean line yeah and it hates a five-time to fork oh I mean if you showed that to Sarah she would she might barf I thought I was gonna barf a little bit I was trying to move on I was trying to move on to Kate's issue Kate I think you should go hard on hats man I think you should I think you should go as big as you want to go and then you dial it back as you need to because once you have the hat go feathers go flowers and then if you're like oh this a little bit much then you can just go hat it's easier to take away that it is to add sure sure that's what everybody says about that phrase I guess I guess actually in the case of feathers it is pretty easy to do either I yeah so we have another question that's from Ashley that's similar about wanting to wear lapel pins like enamel pins but not having like not feeling like she looks good in a jean jacket or is a jean jacket person yeah or like she wants to be a jean jacket person but she doesn't feel like she is I got the same way and then I wore a jean jacket for like two days and suddenly I was a jean jacket person it's like you just like you have to like do the thing to see if you're that thing and maybe like you aren't until you are and maybe you're maybe you're not like a fancy hat and maybe the world isn't gonna accept that until you do it and then I have to I didn't wear blue jeans for 11 years oh I'm gonna hang up the phone what's wrong with you what that's very confusing this is in the same period by the way when I was losing a lot of forks I only wore like khaki pants with pleats like pleated khaki pants oh god one day my roommate his son was like you need to wear blue jeans and I was like no man I'm not a blue jeans person I I have worn blue jeans in 11 years and he said blue jeans are comfortable and I said no I don't like I don't like to feel them I don't like I don't like I don't like to feel them I don't like I don't I mean it's like we're going to the store and you're gonna buy some blue jeans and I put on a pair of blue jeans and I was like these are great oh my god and I literally have not taken off jeans in the in the 12 years since I recently not recently within the last 10 years put on a pair of pleated khaki pants and came out of a dressing room to show Catherine the pants that I liked and she was she said no never not that and I was like what they're just cat and she's like you're not wearing pleated khaki pants ever ever and I was like I don't know what this means she's like you don't have to just don't do it I got I get the same response from Sarah and I know lots of people out there love pleated khaki pants and I say love them love it with your whole heart but Sarah and I briefly dated before we ended up dating for good and the only thing that Sarah wrote about me in her journal from the first time that we hung out was that I was wearing pleated khaki pants there's no no review of the date at all because it wasn't necessary because the date was reviewed by my pants like my pants we didn't need encapsulated everything that's so great that's wonderful I also like I'm gonna shift back to Ashley's question which was actually she said she can't wear jean jackets and she wants to know how to wear enamel pins first I think you can pull off a jean jacket Ashley second I put him in my backpacks I put him in my guitar strap I put him on hoodies sometimes I'm wearing a hoodie right now with a little Mars Pathfinder pin and yeah I think you can pin a pin on pretty much anything these days not anything like not your dog oh sorry yeah no I mean any item of clothing or anything made of fabric don't don't just like jam it into your knee yeah that's you know people take the advice of this podcast very seriously Hank that's my bad that's my bad I should be more I should be more open and clear with my language Hank before we get to the all important news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon we have one vitally important update from Katie who you'll remember once I read the email dear john and heck I just listened to you answer my question about whether or not I should go to a theme park with my long lost friend and her dad and I felt the need to update you I did go it was okay my friend was glued to her phone the entire time but when her phone died she was actually quite interesting that might be my most favorite sentence in the English language that will also be true of the human race I I feel like I should have that sentence printed out tattooed on the inside of my wrist and then I should never get on the internet again we talked a lot about college stuff and whether or not books are better than movies and her dad was okay but kind of eccentric and terrified of rides so that was fun I guess also I've been stuck with a severe case of writer's block for literally years and your comparison to this experience being a young adult novel gave me a great idea much love Katie I cannot wait for your novel about this experience because it's gold it's gold Katie I you know what I was thinking the other day hank I was thinking about your book which has been on my mind constantly since I read it and I was thinking that it I used to feel when I was younger like experiences I had were incomplete until I shared them with the people I loved the most and in a way experiencing things alone especially wonderful things was partly enjoyable because I knew that I would tell people about them later or I would share those memories later and now instead of needing to share something with the people I love in order for it to feel real I have to share it with everyone yeah I feel that way about thoughts sometimes like it's not a real thought unless I've got it to a place where it can be shared with a large audience yeah and that kind of limits the number of thoughts that I feel like are thinkable yeah yeah I'm close to the edge on the internet Hank I'm close to I'm we'll bring it back around yeah no I feel like I feel like I have had a much more extreme response to your book than you have I feel like you maybe didn't read the parts that were about how good the internet can be yeah but none of those experiences occur on an open internet that is owned and controlled by a few extremely large companies all right let's get to the all important news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon Hank what is the news from Mars this week come on little rover I don't have any I don't have any uh just don't have for whatever reason I have any opportunity news this week we'll talk about it next week maybe um but I do have Mars 2020 rover news John oh good so they are they have completed the chassis like the big box where all the things go and gets bolted on to and that's the very important part of the step of the process of creating this uh this big big giant rover and the general portion laboratory has released a very good and interesting story about how they paint this thing so they got they have they paint it um it's just it's aluminum and the process of of painting it is surprisingly uh manual and because you know it's not like they're gonna make more than one of them and also it is painted by a guy who paints cars so that's how he learned how to paint things uh and he will like he does like pinstripping and flames on cars and motorcycles he's even uh painted guitars in his in his career as a painter and so like this guy you know started out being a dude who customizes the hot hot cars and now works with a small team and uh and paints various spacecraft in addition to also steel painting cars so he this it's a great story you can find it just like painting cars for Mars is the JPL story and uh you find out a lot like the lot of process goes into this process and they also have to tape so like the parts that they don't want to get painted like so guys they're gonna be like where why is they're running or we're just gonna get bolted onto the rover they tape it with masking tape like just tape you can buy the hardware store except that they have that tape like laser cut by a thing to make it exactly the right shape before they put it on so that's it was fascinating to hear how like one very small step of the process for how to get a rover ready to go to Mars works and and the you know people necessary to make that all happen that is really cool is it gonna launch in 2020 or is it gonna get there in 2020 it's gonna launch in 2020 or that is the plan at least i mean i feel like when you name it the Mars 2020 rover you're really committing to a timeline well they will have a different name by the time it launches like there it's like a if Elon Musk called the Tesla Model 3 the Tesla 2017 yeah it would have been a problem uh yeah that's that's they uh they'll come up with some some fancier name like spirit opportunity curiosity by the time it launches but they just that's the sort of like working operating title right now what's a good value along with curiosity opportunity that you could name it um um just careful careful the Mars careful rover there's a rock there god careful jeez don't drive into the dirt i want to uh i want to create a twitter bot that does nothing but respond to every single tweet written by every single person all day long with the word careful that's a lot well maybe rethink that just give it a thought careful you sure you want to share that careful thank the news from amsewimbledon is terrible unrelentingly terrible um Wimbledon lost to pwimith argyle who are the worst team in league one we also lost one nil to bradford city who are one of the worst teams in league one ha there's a lot of talk these days about change and whether change is necessary Wimbledon of course have had the same manager neil arty a hero for the club played for the club when he was a boy uh for the now i think six or seven years saw us you know rise up from league two to league one to help to us secure survival in league two in our first year when we almost went back down to non-league football so neil arty has been an amazing manager for Wimbledon that said the situation is pretty bleak right now not a lot of goals not a lot of excitement not a lot of optimism Wimbledon are just outside of the relegation zone in 20th place 21st through 24th will be relegated to league two fourth year of english football so maybe there's a spot of hope in that but oh yeah yeah it's not great that's good and you got a lot of of like season left so if there's stuff you can change now that can affect that yeah the biggest thing that gets changed generally in these situations is the manager though um you know so i think that's it's just a difficult here's the truth it is really hard to run a football club effectively on a budget Wimbledon has one of the lowest budgets in the football league that's hard it's always going to be hard and i think to an extent with the current budget there's a ceiling of how well Wimbledon can do and in a way they're past that ceiling and so it's always going to be really hard in the third year unless you know i don't know so i don't know i i i feel very conflicted about it i like neil arty a lot um but i also understand how frustrated the fans are well i i don't know how to fix football teams but i do know that you guys have got the passion and you're gonna have your new home and that's all gonna be good for the long term of the club yep we just got to get to it we got to get to plow lane got to get back to plow lane thank you for potting with me it's always a pleasure i agree yeah i'm sorry that i i'm so raspy and oh i love it i almost prefer it i prefer i like having cough breaks okay good glad i could be there for you this podcast is edited by nicholas jankins incredibly hard working nicholas jankins dealing not only with cough breaks but just with our shenanigans in general it's produced by rosian hosrohasan and sharid and gibson our head of community and communications is tutorial on shorna the music that you're listening to now and also the beginning of the podcast and by the great done arola thank you again for listening and as they say in our hometown don't forget to be awesome