165. Divorcing an Abusive Partner: What No One Tells You (Coercive Control Explained)

From the outside, her life looked perfect.Happy family. Beautiful vacations. Matching holiday photos.But behind closed doors?Control. Confusion. And a slow erosion of self-worth.In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport and Morgan Stogsdill sit down with Laura Richards, host of That’s Where I’m At, to unpack what it really looks like to leave a controlling, emotionally abusive marriage—and what happens next.Laura shares her experience of living with covert narcissism, curating a “perfect” life on social media while privately feeling trapped, and the moment everything finally clicked.This is a must-listen if you’ve ever questioned:“Is this normal?”“Why do I feel so off in my own marriage?”“Why is leaving so hard—even when I know something isn’t right?”💥 IN THIS EPISODE, YOU’LL LEARN:What covert control and emotional abuse actually look like in a marriageThe subtle phrases and behaviors that slowly break down your confidenceWhy “perfect” marriages on social media can hide the most dysfunctionHow control often escalates during divorce—not endsThe risks of using a mediator without legal representationWhy you need your own attorney (and how to protect yourself legally)How to create a safety plan—even if there’s no physical abuseWhat to expect emotionally when leaving a controlling partnerWhy things often get worse before they get better🚨 REALITY CHECK:Just because there’s no physical abuse…Doesn’t mean you’re safe.Emotional control, manipulation, and financial pressure are real—and they often intensify once divorce begins.⚖️ CRITICAL DIVORCE TAKEAWAYS:Do not rely solely on a mediator—get your own attorneyProtect financial information and important assets earlyExpect control dynamics to shift once you initiate divorceHave a legal safety plan in place before making movesBuild a support system (lawyer, therapist, community)💔 WHAT NO ONE TELLS YOU:You may discover things after your divorce that completely change how you see your marriage.New relationships. Hidden behavior. Financial secrets.And that moment?It can feel like being re-traumatized all over again.“You’re going to do a lot of this afraid… and that’s okay.”Healing isn’t about going back to who you were.It’s about becoming someone who can never be broken that way again.emotional abuse marriage, covert narcissism marriage, controlling husband signs, divorce from narcissist, leaving toxic marriage, divorce advice for women, high conflict divorce, mediation vs lawyer divorce, signs of emotional manipulationIf this episode felt familiar, you are not alone—and you are not crazy.Follow How Not to Suck at Divorce for real, strategic guidance that helps you protect your time, money, and sanity.Website: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/Podcast: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/episodes/Instagram: @thatswhereimatpodcastOur Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Smarter Way to Sell Your Jewelry After my divorce was finalized, I sold my old engagement ring to a jeweler — and honestly, I was stunned by how little I got for it compared to what it originally cost. If I could do it all over again — which is kind of the theme of this podcast — I would have sold it through Worthy. Worthy is a modern, smarter way to sell your jewelry online. Their process is incredibly easy: they cover shipping and insurance, professionally clean and photograph your jewelry, and have it graded by experts to help maximize its value. What makes Worthy different is that they create a competitive auction environment where buyers bid against each other for your piece — meaning they are motivated to help you get the highest price possible. It’s completely risk-free and honestly something I wish I had known about sooner. Get started today by heading to worthy.com/divorcepod and lock in an extra $100 when your jewelry sells for more than $1,500.