170 - influence people by giving them what they want - See one, do one, teach one

This is a story from Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People -  Ralph Waldo Emerson and his son were trying to get a calf into the barn (which was what they wanted). Emerson pushed and his son pulled, but the calf merely stiffened his legs and stubbornly refused to leave the pasture. Along came the Irish housemaid, who intuitively considered what the calf would want. She placed her maternal finger in the calf’s mouth, and let the calf suck her finger as she gently led him into the barn.   The outcome here is what everyone wanted. Emerson and his son wanted the calf in the barn. The calf belonged in the barn (whether it knew it or not..it was safe, provides shelter, offers warmth, protects it from being stolen..the list goes on and on)   Sometimes our players are like that calf. We know where they need to go. We know they need to work hard. We know they need to box out, or keep the ball out of a certain player’s hands, or dive on the floor for a ball. We often teach them in the ways that we were taught, without considering a few things.  First off…Is my way the best way? Do I have resources here who might be able to influence these kids in a different, and perhaps better way than I can?  Second (and my preference here), do the KIDS have a better way? They’re the ones out there playing, and if they decide how to accomplish the goal, the OWNERSHIP they can take will help them stick with it. We ALWAYS commit more to executing something we helped plan or decide. Our influence here can be one of belief. By allowing the kids to explore methods for success, we tell them ‘I believe in you. I’m here to guide you or assist you, and you can do this’.     We know 1 or 2 ways to get them there. The beauty is the ways we DON’T think of to get them there (like a nursemaid who gives a calf her finger), which still accomplish our goal, WITHOUT our players kicking and screaming.    Influence is a finger , not a fist. Leadership is influence, not authority.