177. The Co-Parenting Secret That Changes Everything

How one shift can reduce conflict and protect your kids.If the idea of “healthy co-parenting” makes you want to throw your phone, this episode is for you. Comedian Andrea Rappaport and powerhouse family law attorney Morgan Stogsdill sit down with co-parenting expert and bestselling author Jon Bassford, JD, MBA, CAE, whose real-life story of turning a hostile divorce into a functional, daily-communication co-parenting dynamic will shock you—in the best way.Jon's new book, The Co-Parenting Secret: It's Not About You, doesn't sugarcoat the difficulty or pretend everyone can be friends. Instead, it offers a revolutionary reframe: stop thinking about "my time" or "their time" and start thinking about your child's life. It challenges the toxic win/lose mindset and offers a new model: collaborative parenting focused on emotional safety, communication, and showing up for your kid every time.His message resonates with divorced, separated, dating-but-split, or any parents navigating two-home situations, because it's not about having a friendly ex or following a perfect plan. It's about making intentional choices that prioritize your kids above your own convenience, preferences, or pride.Jon is also a TEDx speaker, CEO of Lateral Solutions, and brings 20+ years of executive leadership to his work but this book isn't about applying business frameworks to family life. It's about the messy, honest journey of getting co-parenting right after getting it wrong.Jon didn’t start with unicorns and rainbows. There was resentment, trash-talking, incompatible living… the whole messy thing. But he learned the intentional steps that transform co-parenting from a battleground into actual teamwork. In this episode, we dig into what co-parenting looks like when it’s real, what to do when your ex refuses to cooperate, and why saying “Of course” instead of “Fine” could change literally everything.Whether you’re co-parenting with a narcissist, parallel-parenting with someone who refuses to meet you halfway, or just trying to not lose your mind over a simple schedule swap, you’ll walk away with mindset shifts, scripts, action steps, and legal strategy you can use TODAY.Key Takeaways1. Co-Parenting Doesn’t Start Perfect — It EvolvesJon and his ex did not get along at first. There was hostility, miscommunication, and resentment — just like what most people experience. Progress happens in baby steps, not giant leaps.2. Saying “Of Course” Isn’t About Your Ex — It’s About YouYour instinct is to say “no.” That’s human. But dropping your guard and choosing calm over chaos immediately changes your internal state. Less spiraling, less anger, less anxiety.3. Strategic Co-Parenting Helps You in CourtMorgan breaks down how tools like Our Family Wizard create evidence showing you are the reasonable parent. If a judge ever needs to get involved, this matters A LOT.4. Letting Go Isn’t Weak — It’s SurvivalJon explains how resentment destroys your peace more than it punishes your ex. Letting go isn’t excusing behavior — it’s freeing yourself.5. Your Why Keeps You GroundedCo-parenting gets easier when you know why you’re doing it: stability for your child, emotional peace for yourself, and a healthier long-term dynamic.Timestamps00:00 — Why “our natural reaction is to say no”00:17 — Morgan explains the legal strategy behind saying “yes”00:31 — What saying “of course” does for you00:57 — Andrea on isolation during divorce01:12 — Why connecting with community matters01:27 — Truly Engaging partnership + holiday card conversation02:15 — Morgan’s hilarious mic apology03:06 — “Morgan Scorsese” (thanks, Steve)03:40 — Why co-parenting can feel impossible04:14 — Introducing guest Jon Bassford04:53 — Jon’s unconventional upbringing + what didn’t work05:39 — The truth: it wasn’t always peaceful07:10 — How his childhood shaped his co-parenting philosophy08:30 — Why the “bad dad schedule” is dying10:22 — What co-parenting actually looks like in real life11:05 — The messy middle: trash-talking, resentment, counseling14:04 — How Jon began putting his son first15:54 — Why outside opinions can derail progress17:14 — What to do if your ex won’t cooperate17:55 — The power of one “yes”20:01 — Co-parenting with a narcissist, abuser, or difficult ex20:55 — Using Our Family Wizard strategically22:20 — What saying “of course” does to your nervous system23:46 — Andrea on emotional regulation + your brain under threat24:35 — Why counting overnights ruins everything27:56 — Jon’s 3 action steps30:01 — What “letting go” actually means31:06 — The ghosts of past, present & future32:38 — Jon’s book: The Co-Parenting Secret34:55 — Baby steps: the real way co-parenting improves35:40 — What everyone’s kids are eating (Lunchables, cheeseburgers, Walmart nuggets, god help us)38:02 — The 6-7 meme takes over Halloween38:48 — Closing thoughts + encouragement40:52 — How to join the community + resources41:09 — Final reminder: “You’ve got this… and we’ve got you.”Episode Resources & Links✨ Jon Bassford’s Book — The Co-Parenting Secret: It’s Not About Youhttps://a.co/d/69WVUaHWe are truly engaged with Truly Engaging cards. It's THE BEST way to remain connected with your community. Use code: NOTSUCKTE to get 10% off your order and ask to have Alisiah help you!! www.trulyengaging.com✨ Andrea’s Famous Walmart Chicken NuggetsGet them here!Join the private communities!The How Not to Suck at Divorce CommunityThe How Not to Suck at Life AFTER DIVORCE CommunityOur Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicago