187. Divorce Help. When the Other Side Won’t Respond: Motions to Compel, Subpoenas, and Strategy

When your divorce is dragging because the other side won’t respond, it can feel like psychological warfare—especially when kids and money are on the line. In this episode, Morgan Stogsdill and Andrea Rappaport break down what’s actually happening when a divorce case stalls, how to tell the difference between normal delays and strategic stalling, and what to do next.You’ll learn the practical legal steps attorneys use to create structure—like mediation deadlines, motions to compel, subpoenas, depositions, and discovery strategies—plus the mindset shifts that keep you from spiraling and spending thousands of dollars reacting emotionally. Bottom line: when the time is right, get aggressive—because talk is cheap.Stalling is one of the most common (and most infuriating) divorce experiences, and it happens for a few big reasons:They don’t have their shit together (missing documents, incomplete financials, no affidavit, disorganized life)They think you’ll panic and settle cheap just to end the painIt’s a power play (silence = control, especially with high-conflict people)Their attorney is overwhelmed, under-resourced, or occasionally strategic (timing money events like bonuses, etc.)The good news: stalling isn’t a dead end. It’s a problem that can be solved with structure, strategy, and sometimes court pressure.The First Question to Ask Your LawyerBefore you go scorched earth, ask this exact question:“Is this delay normal… or is this strategic stalling?”Morgan explains that a good attorney can often tell you:whether the other lawyer is just chronically slow/unorganized, orwhether the other side is intentionally dragging things out to wear you down.These two scenarios require totally different responses.What Judges Respond To: Structure + DeadlinesStalled cases usually move when there’s something real on the calendar:court datesmotion hearingstrial datesmediations with firm deadlinesMorgan’s most practical advice:If nothing is moving, push for a trial date. Even if the first date doesn’t “stick,” a real end date creates pressure—and pressure creates movement.Action Steps: What You Can Do When the Other Side Won’t Respond1) Stop guessing. Get clarity.Tell your attorney you’re frustrated and ask:Is this normal?What’s the standard timeline in this jurisdiction?What steps do we take in order if they don’t comply?At what point do we file something?This helps you avoid spending money “going aggressive” too early… only for the judge to give them another two weeks anyway.2) Use mediation for structure (when appropriate)If both parties will participate, mediation can impose deadlines and create structure outside the court’s slow pacing.But if the other side is truly non-cooperative, Morgan’s blunt truth is:“The only road it all leads to is the courthouse.”3) File the motion when it mattersWhen someone repeatedly ignores deadlines, attorneys can file motions that force compliance (example: motion to compel for missing financials or discovery).Morgan’s mantra:“When the time is right, get aggressive. File that motion. Put your money where your mouth is—because talk is cheap.”4) Use discovery to shake them awakeDepending on your state/country, your attorney may be able to use tools like:Subpoenas (banks, employers, third parties)Requests to admit (miss the deadline → deemed admitted in some places)Depositions (sometimes the notice alone changes behavior)Other discovery strategies tailored to what the other side is hiding/protectingKey idea: if they think non-response prevents you from finding things, they’re wrong. You have legal tools.The Mindset Shift That Saves You ThousandsAndrea nails why stalling feels so brutal: silence makes our brain fill in the worst story.But spiraling leads to:emotional प्रतिक्रtionslate-night lawyer textsexpensive back-and-forthmore stress (and less strategy)Their advice:treat it like an office problem: warnings → structure → consequencesdon’t “manage” your ex—you can’tfocus on what you control: your strategy + your next moveUnpopular (but important) truth: Sometimes it’s your lawyer.Andrea and Morgan both acknowledge that sometimes the delay is happening because your attorney isn’t assertive enough.What to do:Tell your lawyer clearly what you expect and ask for a planIf it doesn’t improve, consider switching attorneys or adding support from someone else at the firmYou’re allowed to advocate for yourself.Key TakeawaysFind out if the delay is normal vs. strategicStructure moves stalled cases: deadlines, hearings, trial datesAggression works only when timed correctlyDiscovery tools can force the truth out (even when they stall)Don’t let silence bait you into expensive emotional reactionsSometimes the fix is a better plan—or a stronger attorneyWhat can I do if my spouse won’t respond in a divorce?Talk to your attorney about whether it’s normal delay or stalling. If it’s repeated, attorneys can use mediation deadlines, motions to compel, subpoenas, and setting court/trial dates to force progress.When should I file a motion in divorce?Not every delay requires court action. But repeated missed deadlines and noncompliance often require filing a motion—because court pressure creates structure.Can a divorce be delayed on purpose?Yes. Some people stall as a strategy to wear you down emotionally or financially, or to maintain control.What’s the best way to stop stalling tactics?Structure. Deadlines. And if necessary, court dates and motions.Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Find our playlists here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/podcastRate our podcast 5 stars here: www.ratethispodcast.com/notsuckInstagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Smarter Way to Sell Your Jewelry After my divorce was finalized, I sold my old engagement ring to a jeweler — and honestly, I was stunned by how little I got for it compared to what it originally cost. If I could do it all over again — which is kind of the theme of this podcast — I would have sold it through Worthy. Worthy is a modern, smarter way to sell your jewelry online. Their process is incredibly easy: they cover shipping and insurance, professionally clean and photograph your jewelry, and have it graded by experts to help maximize its value. What makes Worthy different is that they create a competitive auction environment where buyers bid against each other for your piece — meaning they are motivated to help you get the highest price possible. It’s completely risk-free and honestly something I wish I had known about sooner. Get started today by heading to worthy.com/divorcepod and lock in an extra $100 when your jewelry sells for more than $1,500.