Hey, so something worth knowing is a benefit for the nonprofit organization that makes Crash Course and SciShow Complexly. It's September 16th, 2026 in Los Angeles, California at the Wilshire Ebell Theater. Please join us. It's going to be incredible.
Friends of Complexly like Mark Rober, Katie Max, Simone Yech, and Moore will share inspiring talks about what makes them hopeful and join Hank Green on stage for fun, interactive discussions. Complexly has been creating free educational content like SciShow and PBS eons and Crash Course and Bizarre Beasts for nearly 15 years and 6 billion views. But this year, we have become a 501c3 nonprofit and we're doing something worth knowing as an in-person event that benefits Complexly and our impactful educational media. It's the first ever Complexly in-person event and it's a fundraiser to support our mission of inspiring curiosity and lowering barriers to knowledge building because curiosity builds understanding and understanding builds a better world.
Tickets to the general public June 30th at somethingworthknowing.com. So come build a better world with us on September 16th and experience something worth knowing you can get your ticket at Complexly.info slash something. Do you want to make a podcast? Yes, but only something I can talk about, I have to see with them.
Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. Of course I prefer to think of it, you're John and Hank. It's a comedy podcast where two brothers answer your questions, give you a advice and bring you all the experiences from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon and sometimes other soccer teams. John.
Yeah. Do you know why there are no cats on Mars? Why are there no cats on Mars, Hank? You might think it's because the whole like no life thing.
That was my assumption. It's because Curiosity killed them. Oh yeah, that's like a pretty good Mars rover joke. That's probably one of the top two Mars rovers jokes I've ever heard.
Well, we'll see. It was suggested by I saw it on the Nerdfighter subreddit. So thanks everybody for throwing that one out for me. Hank, do you know what I would have tweeted about this week?
You'll never guess. Yeah, I think I do. Would you have tweeted some like soccer song and everybody would be like and then some people will be like, yay, but like only like 12 of them? No, I would have tweeted about AFC Wimbledon's astonishing fight back from last place to the narrowest possible survival AFC Wimbledon stunning the world.
There's a whole part of the podcast that is for this. And we'll get back to it, Hank, but this only happens once maybe twice, maybe six times in a lifetime. Oh, my God. It's very exciting.
It's very exciting. Even Hank was into it. I was so freaking nervous is what I was. It's terrible.
It's terrible. And the fact that they nilled their way into it just like, OK, don't do anything. Yeah, they definitely. It was terrifying.
Yeah, someone afterwards described the performance of AFC Wimbledon in that Neil Niel draw as nervy. And I feel that that was rather an understatement. Like you could see in the player's eyes the entire game pure terror. Oh, what a great escape it was.
We'll talk more about it at the end of the pod. But for now, let's answer some questions from our listeners beginning with this question from M.M. Dear John and Hank, my roommate and I have been arguing about a question of the utmost importance for over a year now, a year, Hank. We need you to settle it once and for all.
What constitutes black coffee? I say that black coffee is coffee with nothing else in it, but she thinks that coffee with just sugar in it also counts as black coffee as its color has not been changed by milk or cream. Thanks a lot. A M.M.
I mean, black coffee is like, you can't say like, I want black coffee with sugar in it. Because that's not black coffee. Yeah, like you have now made it. Yeah.
No, I think that this is what we colloquially understand black coffee to be is coffee with nothing in it. Yes, it is one of those arguments that people have like the pronunciation of the word GIF or GIF, where the argument is not about anything real, like what should we value as humans? It's about like loving each other, but in a teasing way. And so I don't want to settle the argument because I want M.M.
to continue loving their friend in this wonderful way. But at the same time, like black coffee is black coffee. It's coffee. It's just, it's just coffee.
I, when I was researching this question because I did want to make sure I wasn't going to make anybody super mad at me, I found a question on Quora that said, to Americans actually just drink coffee with nothing in it. Like they do in TV shows. Because Americans in TV shows are always getting coffee with nothing in it. Yeah.
And yes, we do that. I prefer my coffee with nothing in it. Yeah. I put some sugar in it.
I do. Usually. I find that sugar ruins it. And the one thing, as you'll probably know from the fact that I don't eat my cereal with milk, I sure as heck don't drink my coffee with milk.
Now, John just puts coffee in his cereal. I genuinely think that would be better than milky cereal. Coffee cereal like kind of solves two of my problems at once. Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, if you did it with like the like the cocoa puffs, that would be dope.
I'm super into it. I want to try it. I'm googling caffeinated cereal to see if anybody has yet solved for the biggest problem that our generation faces. And most must be.
And most must be. I see one caffeinated cereal on the market, Hank, and I think we could compete with it effectively. We may have found our million dollar idea at last. It's exactly what our audience has been beating down the door for, John.
I can't tell you how many times people have asked me, why isn't there coffee in my cereal? And is there a way I could pay you to solve this problem for me? You know, like honestly, like you don't need caffeinated cereal. You could just put coffee in it.
This next question comes from Maeve, who asks, Dear Hank and John. As per John's recommendation, I recently finished Michelle Obama's book, Becoming and I absolutely loved it. I've been thinking a lot about when she talked about making a swerve in life, a jump to make a dramatic change to obtain more fulfillment for yourself. Do a lot of people swerve?
I haven't met many people who have dramatically changed their careers due to fulfillment or unhappiness, but that's likely because they were more worried about making money. I'm applying to college next fall, and I'm already fairly confident that I went to major in biochemistry with a minor or double major in English. Boy, you've got it all planned out on the pre-med track. But what if I want to make a swerve in life?
I might be overthinking my future, but at least I'm good at it. Rhymes with brave, Maeve. Oh, thanks for the tip. I'm glad that I got it right.
Yeah, I think that lots of people do make swerves, including people who get their MDs and become doctors and end up doing things aside from just doctoring. Like Aaron Carroll, for instance, is a doctor. He's also a writer for The New York Times and also the host of Healthcare Triage. The other person who came to mind when I was reading this question was my friend and Nerdfighter's resident mathematician Daniel Biss, who was a tenure track professor at the University of Chicago in Mathematics and then became a politician.
So that's about the biggest swerve I can imagine. Different jobs? Yeah, I have a biochemistry undergrad degree and I don't do much biochemistry. Or any at all for clarity.
Well, actually, I feel like your body does a ton of biochemistry all the time. Oh, that's true. Honestly, each one of us does more biochemistry in a given day than a biochemist. Absolutely.
Well, they do actually about the same amount as we do because they're also humans. It's true that he's slightly more than average. It's a minuscule amount more. It's like one of the most quoted things I ever said is that the Venn diagram of boys who think you're too smart and boys you don't want to date is a circle, which is a nice line.
But of course, that Venn diagram isn't really a circle because the circle of boys you don't want to date is quite a bit larger than boys who think that you're too smart. Like, for instance, you're siblings. Yeah, sure. That's included.
Yeah, I wish that I'd rephrase that line. But of course, if I had rephrased it, it wouldn't be on so many quotes sites and therein lies the rub to quote William Shakespeare. Speaking of weird statistics that you don't think about recently, we were walking down the street and Orrin said, kitty. And I was like, yes, correct.
And he was like, not cameo. And I was like, also correct. The vast majority of cats are not our cat. Like statistically speaking, we have no cats, basically.
You have a vanishingly small number of cats. On the other hand, from Orrin's perspective, almost every cat is cameo. Yeah. Because when a cat appears, it is almost always cameo.
Right. It's very strange. It's good to have a second set of eyes to see the world through, John. Speaking of weird statistics, 538.com said that Liverpool had a 6% chance to win that Champions League tie.
And we won four nil because Devock Areki scored two goals. Devock Areki. Don't forget that name. Oh, I mean, I'm not going to forget it because I'm having his face tattooed on my bicep.
You don't have a bicep. I'd actually, I kind of do since I've been working out. Oh, no. You're going to lose.
I remember one time at VidCon Europe in Amsterdam, I challenged Tyler Oakley to arm wrestle with me. I'd been drinking. And he was like, yeah, sure. And Tyler Oakley rolled up his sleeve and I was like, oh boy, this is going to be short.
This was a mistake. I thought you were Tyler Oakley, like 2014 Tyler Oakley. But you're 2017 Tyler Oakley. He's ripped.
What was the question? 2019 Tyler Oakley is just like, beefcake. Right. So lots of people swerving life may have just like we swerved while answering your question.
And Tyler swerved when he became beefcake. Yeah. And like our mom swerved when she started out working at a telephone company and then eventually went on to work in community development and sustainable development practices. I think part of life is planning for the future, but part of life is also being ready to be surprised by the opportunities that are available to you.
I'm going to announce right here, John. I'm swerving. Oh, God, not swerving. Are you swerving toward less work?
I'm going to, no, it's nothing to do with my professional life, John. I'm keeping all that exactly the same. Okay. I'm swerving too.
I'm only going to drink soda. I make myself. Oh, for how long? I want for the rest of your life.
Well, here's the thing, John. After a couple of months of doing this, there's no way I'm going to not try to monetize it. So it's probably going to become like a new job for me. Are you, are we, wait, wait, wait, are you trying to tell me that we're starting a soda company?
Because this is exactly the way that you usually tell me that we're starting a new company. You'll be like, oh, I've been thinking that, you know, YouTube needs a conference. And is there one really? I was just thinking about that.
Yeah. Yeah. No, what, what, what, what happens? Oh my God.
I mean, all right, let's just make the deal now so that it doesn't get complicated. I'll take 5% of the company. I'll give you $800 in startup capital and I'll promote it on our shared channels deal. Okay.
It's a deal. All right. I'm going to need more than $100, but I'll talk to you about that later. I mean, the next percent of the company, you're going to have to sell me for $4 million just so you know.
I thought you're right now. No, I mean, actually, I kind of like the idea of a, wait, can it be a soda company where none of the sodas have sugar in them? I'm really disturbed by the amount of sugar that's in soda. I saw a YouTube video about this that I wish I could unwatch.
That's this is yes. It's not no sugar. It's less sugar. Oh, it's less sugar.
So is it like 10 calories a can? Not like 40, 50, 60. And you're like half. Can you get it down to like 10 or 20 is my question?
It just doesn't taste good at that level. Is this in Stevia? All right. Let's, you know what?
Let's sideline this conversation and have it when we're not making a podcast because I actually really like this idea and now I'm kind of excited. All right. I think this next question comes from Michael and I actually am able to offer some real advice here. Dear John and Hank, I'm making boxed mac and cheese and I have melted the butter, but when I went to get the milk, I found that both my rice milk and my roommate's dairy milk have frozen in the refrigerator.
What? Well, Michael, before we get to the proper advice part, you need to turn down your fridge a little bit. Yeah. Milk is freezing.
It's too cold in there. I finished this Mac and cheese. The cheese powder will come together. Michael, you add water.
I do it every single time I make mac and cheese and it works fine. Yeah. That's how you do it. I haven't used milk when making mac and cheese in my children's entire life.
They have no idea what mac and cheese with milk tastes like and I bet when they find out they're going to be like, ugh, gross. Thank God, that doesn't pour this stuff on my cereal. If you're used to a milkier flavor and you have butter handy, you can use water and butter and that will do a similar thing. I think the butter is more important than the milk, frankly, when it comes to mac and cheese make a time.
I agree. This next question comes from Phoebe who asks, dear John and Hank, ask for your advice on a recent podcast. Whenever I find a penny, I've been throwing it on the ground in protest. John, we've created literors.
Yeah, I regret that advice, but okay. We have to take something back. Don't litter everywhere. Yesterday I found a few pennies in my car.
So I tossed them on the ground in the parking lot. No, see. Today when I got to work, they were still there. Do I pick them up?
Well, they still bring me good luck. How does the relationship between Penny Tosser and Penny pick her up or affect Penny Luck? My son's name is Holden Phoebe. Phoebe, pennies are not good luck.
That is a conspiracy created by the government to get people to keep holding on the pennies. It is certainly the thing that pennies do that add the most value to our lives, right, is give us a feeling of good luck. I will say that while I understand intellectually that pennies are not good luck, I do pick up every heads up penny I see and I do think to myself a little bit of good luck right there. Also I will say that sometimes when I feel like I really need some good luck, I will put a heads up penny somewhere and then like three days later when I see it again, I'll be like, oh, wow, it's a new heads up penny.
That's not how it works. Yeah, yeah, no, sometimes you do make your own luck, Hank. And if you really need good luck, I find just scattering some heads up pennies around the house and just kind of, you know, picking them up as you go is a way to make yourself feel a little bit better. So you feel a little bit less worse about how bad it is that we continue to mint pennies in the United States in 2019.
Unless this thing has a use. I watched a video recently where they turned pennies into a sword and it was amazing. But it's also illegal for the record. You're not allowed to melt down pennies.
It turns out it's not illegal as long as you don't sell the sword because it was for educational or artistic purposes. Well, that's good. That's good to know. So watch that video.
He just makes swords out of different stuff. It's got a whole channel. You know, sometimes I think like YouTube, it's just a cesspool. We got to get out.
Well, it's getting good. And then I find out that there's somebody who's making swords out of pennies and probably finding a way to turn that into their job. And it's beautiful. We have another question.
This one comes from Mia who writes, Dear John and Hank, I live in England and therefore I get free psychotherapy. Although I had to wait over six months for it, but I'm very happy to have it. I've had three sessions so far and my therapist is lovely, but I have forgotten her name since the first session. And every time I try to go to my therapy appointment and get there, I'm asked, who are you seeing?
And I just have to reply, I forgot her name. And that leads them to look it up themselves and then they find out who I'm seeing and then don't tell me. What do I do? How do I ask her after three sessions?
What's your name? Any advice would be helpful. Mia sounds like fire. Wait, what?
My. Is that a British accent? Sorry, your name is Mia. I'm sorry.
No, no, no, no. Okay, it is a British accent thing, Hank. And because you are the master of the fake British accent, you can probably get us there. If her name is Maya, but it's said with a British accent, then would it be like Maya?
It would be. Maya. Maya. Like fire.
Like fire. Maya, like fire. Yeah. That's my British accent.
I know for a fact that you have a better fake British accent than that and you intentionally didn't use it because you're embarrassed. But I know how bad your bad fake British accent is. You just got to ask the receptionist. Can you tell me what their name is?
Obviously, I don't know. I've already told you. Exactly. You tell me.
Yes. And if only we all have receptionists for this problem. There's so many people in town where I'm like, you. Yes, every single parent of every single kid in both of my kids' classes.
I'm just like, hey, oh, God. Nick. It's funny because there's so few people that have kids' orange age in my neighborhood that like every time I meet one, I'm like, I know everything about you now. I will keep all of your and then I'm sure by the time he's in school, I'll be like, I know nothing about any of you.
I just can't. I have no memory for names. Like people say their names to me and I'm looking at them when they say them. And within a second, it's gone.
And that by the way, also, yeah, it's a terrible habit and I'm really trying to get better at it. But I just- I find that because I'm stressed out about it, I do a worse job of remembering. I'm like, I got to remember this person's name. And so I'm just thinking about remembering rather than thinking about them, the person I'm talking to.
Well, the thing that I've heard is that if you repeat the person's name very quickly in conversation, then you'll remember it. The problem is that two seconds later, when I have the opportunity to repeat their name, it's already gone. Gone. And also I overthink it.
So someone will be like, my name is Aaron and I'll be like, great, your name is Aaron and I'll be thinking their name is Aaron. And then I'll be like, is their name Joe? Did they say Joe? They said Aaron, right?
Or did they say Joe? Maybe they did say Joe. Right. Well, that's the, yeah, especially when it's like two things like it's Jenna or Jenny, I'm like, ah, I will never say your name.
Right. Just be like, just never do it. Jen. My.
Okay. I have to call you Jen. Maya. Maya.
Maya. Maya. I'm gonna ask Jay say he's British. He's British.
Maya. Maya. Maya. Maya.
I hear it. Stop talking. I can't hear of Jay talking. You talk, stop talking.
Every time Jay says it, you say it the exact same time. Maya. Maya. Maya.
Maya. That's what I was saying. Maya. What are we talking about?
We were talking about Maya. Maya's problem. Not Mia. Maya.
I can't find Maya because I can't figure out a spell his name. It's about how she can't remember a name. And hilariously, your problem is that you can't find a question because you can't remember her name. So Maya, you've come to the wrong place.
Ask the receptionist. That is the solution. And that reminds me that today's podcast is brought to us by Howjaysay. Howjaysay.
Hank and I's number one guide to pronunciation, which is why I repeatedly in Crash Course World history referred to the Renaissance. Thank you, Jay. This podcast is also brought to you by caffeinated cereal. It's got that juice in it.
And today's podcast is also brought to you by Gold difference. Gold difference. It's what kept Wimbledon up. And finally, this podcast is brought to you by Ee, Carimembras' name.
Teefa Carimgee. Brought to you by that guy. Two goals to push Liverpool into the finals of the Champion leagues. Leagues against Ajax or possibly Tottenham.
That was a very good pronunciation of Tottenham. We've also got a project for us a message from Jeremy to say who writes, say, introduce me to Vlogbrothers and this podcast. And we listen every week together. I really love all the support for charities and the genuineness.
Say had not only introduced me to these amazing humans, but also has been an amazing wife. We've now been through our first year of marriage and here's to many more years of love, health, happiness and of course, kitties. Kitties. Oh, that's very sweet.
Happy anniversary. Six months. This episode of Dear Hank and John is brought to you by Shopify. There are a lot of things that stand between I have an idea and this is an idea that actually exists in the world and people are buying things from me.
And that is what Shopify makes easier. When you start with Shopify, the tools to design and launch and take payments, they're all there from day one. You don't have to build a whole machine before you can start building the business. And this is important because you also have to look good and with Shopify's templates, you could get a site set up really quick that looks credible and professional without needing to code or duct tape a bunch of different tools together.
And when things look real, that works on my brain to be like, I'm doing a real thing. It also works on other people's brains to be like, this is legitimate. Shopify also has one of the best checkout systems on the internet. It's built to help customers finish the purchase effectively and efficiently without a bunch of roadblocks.
Returning customers can check out with a single click. That means less friction and fewer abandoned carts and a smoother experience for everybody. That stuff gives you confidence early on and it gives other people confidence in what you're doing. You're not wondering whether the payment system is going to work.
You're not wondering whether customers can get through the process. Shopify handles that foundation so you can focus on the thing that you're actually trying to do. It's really kind of amazing to me that Shopify is a tool that works from the first day your store launches when you're just starting to get customers all the way up to being the size of good.store or dftv.com or being the size of like Mattel and Gymshark. When you build a Shopify, you're building with tools that already work at every scale.
All you need is the idea, Shopify handles the rest. You can start your free trial at Shopify.com slash deerhank. Start your free trial at Shopify.com slash deerhank. With new subscription only, while supplies last until September 27th, 2026.
See you website for more details. One thing I love about summer is how easy everything feels. The days are a little more relaxed. My kids don't have to wake up at five in the morning and I find myself reaching for the same comfortable go anywhere pieces again and again, which is why I keep coming back to Quince.
I often wear either a long sleeve or a short sleeve button down from Quince and it fits well and I never have any complaints. In fact, sometimes I get compliments about it. I was at the airport a couple days ago. I often find myself in airports and someone said, I like your shirt and I said, thanks.
It's from Quince. Quince is 100% European linen pants and shirts are breathable, easy to throw on and the summer upgrade your rotation needs, starting at just $34. Their tees are soft enough to live in all day and the lightweight cotton sweaters are exactly what you want when those summer nights cool down. So that's why I'm wearing Quince this summer and you can make your summer wardrobe easier by going to Quince.com slash deerhank for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns.
Now available in Canada too, that's qunce.com for free shipping and 365 day returns, Quince.com slash deerhank. Those are my two choices unless I have a factor in the fridge. You can get smoky barbecue chicken breasts with potato mash, cream corn and peppers. You can get creamy lemon pepper chicken with veggie rice peel off broccoli and carrots.
This has the fiber I need, it has the protein I need, it has the deliciousness I need. What about garlic herb roasted barramundi with potato zucchini and burr blanc sauce? I don't really know what that means, but it sounds delicious. What about a black bean taco bowl with corn salsa and cilantro crema?
A delicious high fiber high protein meal that no animals had to die for. Any of those can be ready in two minutes. Fresh, never frozen, over 100 rotating weekly meals, including globally inspired flavors like Mediterranean and Asian, factor shops, preps, cooks and delivers straight to your door so you have more time for everything you love this spring. Head to factormules.com slash deerhank50off and use the code deerhank50off to get 50% off and free daily greens per box.
With new subscription only, while supplies last until September 27th, 2026. See you website for more details. On sicko probably. This next question comes from Michelle who asks, deerhank and John, my sisters don't like to read much.
I really like receiving books as gifts and sometimes I find books I think they might like. Do I give them books as gifts until they like them or just respect the fact that they don't like to read for pleasure? Not Joe Bell, Michelle. I think there might be a fundamental misunderstanding here about what gifts are supposed to do.
Be interested in the thing I like. Then give it to me when you're done with it because I also want it. Right. It's like in the Simpsons when Homer gave Marj a bowling ball drilled to his fingers.
Yeah. I think you got to give your sisters things that they like or nothing because gifts are terrible. Yeah. And also when you're getting books as a gift and you don't want them, I'm not sure that makes you like reading more.
I think it might make you like reading less. Yeah. So I would try to give gifts that the people you're giving the gifts to really want and will be excited about and trust that maybe over time they will come to find some books that they love. All right.
We have a question from anonymous who writes, deerhank and Hank, my school is providing only 12 tickets for my high school graduation. I have a very large family and there are about 40 of them who like to attend my graduation. I made a huge mistake and made a private event on Facebook where people could RSVP but also buy me things from my gift registry. And well, this has become an outlet for my family members on opposite sides to make very passive posts towards each other.
And it's pretty awful because you know, I'm the one graduating. I'm also having a dinner afterwards where they will all be expected to sit down at a dinner table together and I'm genuinely frightened. So how should I deal with this family drama while also trying to keep my family happy? I just wanted to be a great day from a conflicted future college student who by the way included a link to their gift registry, which was very smart.
And it's the kind of thing that we often don't see. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's just like no with no other context, not like it's just like they're also buying these.
The idea was that I created this Facebook group so they could buy me stuff for my gift registry so I can have for instance, Tide Pods and water bottles to take to college or along your basket, all of which I think is great. And in fact, I'm going to buy your laundry basket. And I want you every time you do laundry, I'm not going to say your name, but I know your name because I'm looking at your gift registry every time you do laundry, all through college. I want you to be like, thank you, John Green for my $9.99 laundry basket.
I just bought it. And I'm not, I'm not going to get you a three hole punch because you don't need a three hole punch. It's 2019. Aren't we passed that?
Haven't we moved beyond that $5.99 for delivery. Good Lord. You got to get more. You should get more.
You're right. If I'm going to pay for extra for delivery, I might as well get a few things. Also somebody else is going to have a three hole punch, right? Yeah, I suspect that you'll be able to borrow somebody's three hole punch when you need it, which is basically never.
That said, we've got a three hole punch at our house. And like I do use it. I've got one, but it's literally the one I got when I went to college. Yeah, it's right.
You know what? I also got to buy the three hole punch. I just bought it. I just bought it.
I just bought it. I hold this on this list. The iron that I bought when I moved to college. It's the same iron and I still have it.
You should get that. They're a little bit lighter. They're relative already got it for them. Oh, I see.
Yeah. My brother. I'm not going to say he's an ungenerous person. I'm just going to say the one thing he called out as being a good investment is a thing that's already been purchased.
All right. All right. I'll get the pots and pans. Or the dustbuster.
That looks like a pretty high quality dustbuster. It's only $28. Well, let's get to the problem here, Hank, which is that sometimes you create a private Facebook group and your relatives use that opportunity to be mean to each other and then to ratchet up tension so that your day, whether it's your graduation day or your wedding day or whatever, becomes stressful. Right.
And also the fact that you've got 40 people and they're all sort of jockeying for these 12 tickets. You needed and like, yes, you recognize that you kind of made a mistake here by being like, here's my registry. And before you were like, here are the who gets the tickets because now what does it mean? Are people going to be buying you things to try and get tickets to the graduation?
So you got to create some kind of fair way and you should probably just do it based on like the like British prime agenda, or way of like establishing who is going to be the heir to the throne. So you have to like go to your direct next of kin. Like if you died, who would inherit the pots and pans I just bought you? That's such a bad idea.
Like the idea that the solution to this problem is a British style, monarchical solution is of all the answers you've given. You need something. Yeah, but the something shouldn't be like first the oldest son shall come. Next the younger son.
No, you should do it by how like your parents, they have to come. Yeah, but then you're making a value judgment. Of course you make a value judgment. That is better.
Yeah. Look, look, look, I just think that it's nice to be like, okay, here's how I did it. So that no one feels like like left out. I did it based on just the last time I saw you.
Or alternately, yeah, this is what you should do. You should pick the 12 people you want to go to your graduation. And then you should say in the private Facebook group, I held a randomized lottery. I put everybody's name into a hat and I pulled out the first 12 names and these are the 12 names.
I'm really sorry if you didn't get picked by the completely random lottery and only you know that in fact it's the 12 people you want to go. It just happens to be all of the what it just happens to be both of my parents. Yeah. All of my favorite brothers and sisters.
Yeah. Exactly. Not the one brother I don't like. Right.
Yeah. I feel like I feel like we're helping John. Are we helping at least we delivered some pots and pans? Yeah, I don't think that we helped at all.
But I mean, enjoy your tide pods. That's one of the other things I just put it in my in my check out. I mean, you gotta remember to actually check out. Yeah.
Anonymous is absolutely correct that the thing you need most is detergent. There are so many detergent on the registry and you are right. You need it. This next question comes from Emily who asks Dear Hank and John earlier this afternoon.
I let my iPhone charger to a coworker whose desk is in the same room as mine. It's been about three hours and her phone has been charging this whole time and now my phone is on 1%. It's on low power mode and I'm using it minimally but I kind of need my charger back. Do I just ask for my charger?
Yes, you ask for your charger back. Yes. Yes. We get a lot of versions of this question.
Yeah, we do. And it freaks me out because it makes me think that we're getting way worse as a species talking to each other. Yeah. And that it's just it's not a big deal.
It becomes a big deal because when you start not talking to people it gets really hard to start talking to people. And so and we have all these incentives in our economy now that say don't talk to people, right? Like all of the social internet companies are saying no, no, no, don't call. Just post.
Yeah. Don't walk over and talk to your neighbor. Just message them on next door. And I worry that when it gets hard in my experience anyway, when it gets hard to talk to people, it gets harder to talk to people.
Like that becomes a vicious cycle very, very quickly. And so I can totally relate to this problem where you're like, oh, I don't know how to tell this person that I, my phone's almost dead. How do I? And the answer is that you talk to them, but it's hard.
I think you get into your own head about it. You start to like imagine all the circumstances. And really what you should do is be like, I was, why did I even think about this for so long? I need to, I need to jump into the swimming pool and ask for my charger back.
I borrow chargers at my office constantly. And if there's anybody in the office who thinks that they can't ask for their charger back, I need to be very clear about this. Ask. Yeah, I borrow a lot of chargers as well.
Hank, that must be a green family thing. All right. Hank, before we get to the on board news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon, I want to answer one more question. This one from Sydney who writes, Dear John and Hank, a Barbie band aid has been stuck to the bottom of my trash can since 2002.
I remember using that band aid when I was four and tossing it away, never imagining it would land at the bottom of the can, sticky side down. Every time I empty the can and see the Barbie's disfigured haunted face looking back at me, I asked myself after 17 years, is it time to rip off the band aid or is it now a sacred relic? Oh, God. Yeah, that's exactly it.
That's exactly it. It's how your brain works. Yes. But like, there are no sacred Barbie band aids, but there are kind of, right?
Like, it's true that there are no sacred relics, but there are also sacred relics. Like, I think that our answers to this question will be different because our perspectives on this are different, but we'll get to that. I want to read the rest of the question because it gets more interesting. I also did some research and apparently there are people who collect this very era of Barbie band aid.
And now I'm wondering if I should carefully clean and freshen my up and send it to someone who would proudly add it to their wall. Thoughts included is photo evidence, which we'll post on the Patreon at patreon.com slash Dear Hank and John of both my trash can and with a band aid looked like in its original form. And it is amazing. Oh, that's exactly what I pictured.
Yeah. It is. Yeah. I think what you, the real mistake you have made, Sydney, is that you didn't link to your gift registry.
So we could do a new trash can. If you've heard anything from this podcast that said, Hey, could I be tricked into buying almost anything from almost any registry? Oh, it's so easy to, so easy to scam us. Sydney, my answer to this question is that you should leave the band aid exactly where it is and that it will only grow in meaning for you over the course of your life.
And one day you'll be 80 and you'll look at the bottom of the trash can and you'll remember being for in a visceral way that you just can't get back to through any other sensory experience. And I think that's tremendously valuable. And so I think you should leave the band aid exactly where it is. I think usually the band aid exactly where it is because that we don't have to touch it.
And there you have it. Hank and John summarized in an answer. We got a lot of good responses to things this week, John. And so I want to dive into some responses.
We got, I just, before we do that though, we often say like, we get so many questions and I'm sorry we can't answer all of them. And like, but like actually, there's so many really good, interesting questions that we don't get to. Yes. And I do feel bad about it.
It's like the thing I feel worst about in this whole podcast is when we get really interesting questions or like really important ones and we don't get to them. So I do want to say thank you to everybody who sends in your questions. And like, and also that there wouldn't be a podcast at all without you taking the time to do that. So thank you to everybody who does that at Hank and John at gmail.com.
For example, Matt who asks dear Hank and John, Marina, Marina, I thought Chris was your best friend. Is Chris all right? Did you two have a falling out? Do you have multiple best friends?
Chris and Marina are married. They're both our best friends. Like that's, that's how it works for us. We have two best friends, Chris and Marina.
They are married to each other and they are Sarah and I's best friends and Sarah and I are married to each other. But I love that question. Also, Marina. Also, Caitlin wrote in to say, dear John and Hank, this isn't a question.
I just wanted to say how genuinely heartwarming it is to see how you guys have grown over the course of the podcast. I remember when John wouldn't pay attention during the Mars news and Hank wouldn't listen during the AFC Wimbledon news. Now Hank is anxiously tweeting about AFC Wimbledon and John is emotionally attached to Mars rivers. It's true.
I cry every time something lands on the surface of Mars that came from Earth. I do. It makes me cry. It makes me feel the same way that like amazing football stories make me feel like liquid humans can do when they work together.
I, Catherine, knew that I was super stressed out about AFC Wimbledon and so she was giving me the devil's stare a little bit because I was so freaked out about it and then I didn't talk about it afterward and then she was like, so did they stay up? Yeah. It's funny, about 10 days ago, I sent Sarah a text that she showed me yesterday and the text was, I've got to stop investing so much of my consciousness into football. I can't let my mood be decided by the exploits of 11, 23 year olds who live far away from me.
But now you don't feel that way at all. No, no, now I feel like is there a better use of my attention? Definitely not. Yeah.
It's a, you know, it's a weird thing. Of course it's not the most important thing in the world. It is only a game but it's not really about the game. It's about the people coming together to orient their love in the same direction.
One more email I want to read. It's from M who writes, oh, boy. Thanks for answering my question about me vomiting in the meeting room at work. There were other people around but through a series of circumstances things turned out better than expected.
M. So I have so many different things to think about this. The first is that it's almost composed like a poem. Yes.
And it sort of reminds me of like the plums in the box. It has the same exact meter as the plums poem. Thanks for answering my question about me vomiting in the meeting room at work. There were other people around but through a series of circumstances things turned out better than expected.
M. So that's the first thing I think. The second thing I think is that like we have been duped into a serialized story. Now there's a podcast inside the podcast because of course we want to know the series of circumstances.
But not too much at once. No. No. Very small bites.
One stands at a time every week for the rest of my life. I want to learn the love story that emerged from you vomiting in the meeting room at work. And how that's the great love of your life and the weird stuff that y'all are into. Let's get to the news from Mars and A.C.
Wimbledon. Hank. I'll start. All right.
A.F. Wimbledon or a tie against Bradford City on the last day of the season. And they got a tie which means because of the results around them they needed that tie. In the end A.F.C.
Wimbledon ended the season in 20th place. The last place not to be relegated from League 1 in this season. The team below us, Plymouth Argyle, who were relegated, had the exact same number of points after the 46-game season. But they had a worse goal difference by two goals.
There were many times over the course of this season when we were losing games 2-1, 2-1, 2-1, that I would say I wish we would just lose a game by 3-1 because at least that would show that we were trying to get that tying goal. I was wrong. We... It turned out that the footballing gods knew better than I did.
A.F.C. Wimbledon needed almost every goal they scored and they needed to stop almost every shot they stopped. I cannot believe how fine the margins were in this season. It is one of the greatest great escapes in the history of English football.
Wimbledon over the last 15 games of the season had a points average that would have put them in the League 1 playoffs if it had happened for the whole season. We went from being overwhelmingly the worst team in League 1 to being in the last third of the season, the fifth best team in League 1. It is a truly remarkable story. I'm so grateful to everybody who is part of it.
I want to say a special thank you to Aaron Ramsdale, our 21-year-old goalkeeper who was on loan from Bournemouth. Like every Wimbledon fan, I was singing along as the fans saying, we want you to stay. We want you to stay. Aaron Ramsdale, we want you to stay.
Aaron Ramsdale stayed with the fans after the game. He met up with fans at King's Meadow at like hours after the game. He partied all night with fans. He understands Wimbledon.
He gets it at his core. He knows what the club is about. He knows what it means to fight for a club that's owned by their supporters. He's such a special player.
I really believe that he's going to be a famous goalkeeper someday. He is incredible. Both his skills, but also just the way he comes to the game. Also Anthony Wordsworth, 30-year-old player on the margins for the first half of the season, who in the second half of the season really just took the fighting spirit of Wimbledon into his soul and transformed himself and the team.
Lastly, our captain, Will Nightingale, who's been playing for Wimbledon since he was eight years old, it meant so much to him. Wow, you never questioned how much it means to him. He plays with his heart on his sleeve and I love that guy and I can't believe we stayed up. I just can't believe this happened.
I cannot. Two goals. It's a 46-game season and we stayed up by two goals. Unbelievable.
Yeah. I'm very happy. I remember it wasn't like eight podcasts ago that we were like, oh well, I guess I have seen Wimbledon's going down. Yep.
I've sponsored a fourth-tier soccer team before and I'm sponsoring one again. No question, I'm genuinely hopeless. Well, opportunity did not come back, John. The other bad guys we dealt with this year.
I'll do that with a story. In the same week, if opportunity was like beep. Just tentative beep. But as we talked about a bunch earlier this year, opportunity lost power because of a long dust storm that blocked access to the sun so that the solar panels couldn't keep it warm.
It just froze there on the planet and never came back after the dust storm. These dust storms, like planet-wide dust storms, are pretty common on Mars and we've seen them at like one of the first times we got good pictures of Mars. Like in the 70s, we were like, oh, it looks different now because it's having a dust storm. So they've happened in the 70s, 80s, 90s, 2000s all the time.
But the 2018 one was really powerful. And we also got a really great opportunity to examine what happens during a really big dust storm on Mars. And that's given us some data that might indicate part of the reason why Mars lost a lot of its surface water is that during these dust storms, the atmosphere blows way up out over where it usually is. The typical altitude of water vapor in the Martian atmosphere is about 12 miles high.
That's about as high as it goes. But during these dust storms, it goes to like 50 miles out into up above the planet. Whoa. And that's partially possible because the atmosphere is pretty thin.
It's partially possible because Mars doesn't have as much gravity as Earth. So there's some thinking now that when you bring the water and also the rest of the atmosphere into those like really high altitudes, that it's easier for it to get hit by solar winds, easier for it to get charged and shoved off the planet into like sort of interplanetary space. So this dust storm was bad for opportunity, but it was a good opportunity to learn more about how these dust storms interact with the Martian atmosphere. And that gives us a better idea of how the history of Mars getting to the way it is might have actually played out.
So the physical amount of space, that's mind-blowing to me. Does Earth's atmosphere move? Not really, no. I don't think anything like that.
So you're saying like the kind of, if I imagine there's a planet and then there's the atmosphere that rings the planet and then outside of that atmosphere is space. Yeah. Is that approximately correct? Yes, correct.
Okay. So the amount of space between the planet and the edge of the atmosphere expands by more than twice. Yeah. Wow.
Actually, more than quadruples. In terms of, especially like in this trace gas orbiter data, that's like the typical altitude of a water molecule. The universe is so weird and like we are observing this tiny, tiny edge of it. We're only getting to observe a second object closely or a secondary object closely anyway.
It's even that is so weird, right? Like imagine how weird it would be to be able to like examine Jupiter closely or to be able to examine solar systems far away closely given how weird the closest rock to us is. Yep. Wow.
Yeah. And that like it's so like, and now that, and when I was a kid, we didn't even know that there were other planets for sure. Like we had some inkling that we had seen other planets around other stars. Of course we assumed that there probably would be but we didn't have that data.