20. SCHOOL SERIES: How to Choose a School That Won’t Break Your Kid (or You)

If you're a neurodivergent parent staring down the impossible decision of where to send your child to school — this episode is for you. Forget the glossy brochures and test score spreadsheets. In this raw, strategic conversation, Jane and Millie Carr walk you through the real questions to ask, the red flags to watch for, and how to trust your gut when it comes to choosing a school that won't retraumatise your kid — or you. We unpack the hidden barriers ADHD and autistic families face during school enrolment, what buzzwords to interrogate (hello “inclusive” and “resilient”), and how to decode a school’s culture beneath the surface. Because being told “we’ve got neurodivergent kids here too” isn’t the same as knowing how to support them. You’ll walk away with scripts, insight, and the confidence to stop people-pleasing your way into another educational crisis. ✨ IN THIS EPISODE: Why “inclusive” doesn’t always mean safe The buzzwords that signal masking, not belonging Questions to ask on a school tour that don’t flag your child as “the hard one What to look for beyond classrooms: playgrounds, posters, and teacher training The role of trauma-informed, neuroaffirming values in everyday school lif When to walk away (even if it’s inconvenient) How to weigh up private vs public when the real issue is leadership Real-life stories of switching schools — and what finally worked 💭 This episode is for you if:– You’ve been burned by schools that promised support and delivered shame– You’re overwhelmed by the decision and scared to get it wrong– You want your child to feel safe, regulated, and seen — not just compliant 📥 Download the free School Choice Kit — includes a walk-through guide, green/red flag checklist, school tour scripts, and more:👉 https://adhdmums.com.au/product/the-school-choice-kit/ 📝 Want to go deeper? Read the blog version of this episode:👉 https://adhdmums.com.au/how-to-choose-a-school-that-wont-break-your-kid-or-you/  Need support navigating school chaos?Making School Work is your go-to advocacy guide for when your neurodivergent child isn’t coping — and the school says they’re fine. Packed with scripts, templates, and clarity for IEPs, school refusal, and shutdowns, it helps you hold your ground in the rooms that matter.Get it here: https://adhdmums.com.au/product/making-school-work-parent-guide/  Other Quick Reset Episodes: S3E8 Advocating for Your Child Shouldn’t Break You — But It Often Does: Spotify | Apple Podcast S3E10 Why am I bracing for impact when nothing is wrong?: Spotify  | Apple Podcast S3E12 I can’t stop snapping when my child does this one thing: Spotify | Apple Podcast  S3E14 I Cancel Plans Because I Don’t Have the Energy to Fake My Personality: Spotify | Apple Podcast S3E15 He wants the Maldives but we can't even manage the park: Spotify | Apple Podcast S3E16 No meds, No plan, and no help..... but yet they're still calling us undiagnosed: Spotify | Apple Podcast S3E17 How we survive the 3- 6:00 PM shit show when kids are coming down off meds: Spotify | Apple Podcast S3E18 Why you are bad at asking for help and what to do instead: Spotify | Apple Podcast Resources Mentioned: 🔗 To find out more about Millie Carr or purchase her books please click on her website or check out her IG 🔗 Sign our Change Petition here 🔗 Submit your experience with schooling here 🎧 Listener Questions please send here 🔗 Free Guides and Resources: https://adhdmums.com.au/resources/ Disability & Education Laws Referenced (Qld Human Rights Act, DSE 2005, UN CRPD) 👩‍⚖️ Human Rights Commission: humanrights.gov.au 📚 References & Further Reading Disability Standards for Education 2005Read via the Department of Education – Australian Government Disability Discrimination Act 1992View the full legislation on the Federal Register 🎧 Listen Now If you’ve ever sat through a 15-minute IEP meeting where nothing changed, or wondered how much louder you have to get before someone listens—this episode is your script, your validation, and your reminder: You’re not too much. The system is too underprepared. Hit play. Forward it to your child’s support coordinator. Save it for your next meeting. JOIN THE COMMUNITY: Have questions or want to connect with other ADHD mums? Join our supportive Facebook group here and dive into the conversation. No question is too small, and I love answering in a group format! FOLLOW FOR MORE: Get daily tips, insights, and relatable content for ADHD mums by following me on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok or YouTube LEAVE A REVIEW: Love this episode? Your review means everything! It helps other mums find this content and feel supported. Let’s spread the word and make a difference together. COLLABS: For collaborations or speaking engagements, email me at [email protected]. MORE RESOURCES: Still unsure if ADHD or autism applies to you or your child? Take my recommended self-tests here. Topics Covered  In This Episode: asking for help, ADHD mums, good girl conditioning, emotional labour, burnout, pathological self-reliance, support scripts, parenting shutdown, masking, trauma-informed parenting, help refusal, co-regulation, overfunctioning, performance parenting, ADHD and motherhood, emotional suppression, boundaries, unmet needs, meltdown cycle, maternal overload, neuroaffirming support.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.