EPISODE · Jul 26, 2026 · 28 MIN
#204 - "Go where the heat Is”: My Husband on Five Years of Friendship Advice
from Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship · host Nina Badzin
To mark five years of making this podcast, I invited the person who has heard every episode, encouraged every new idea, and occasionally reminded me to follow my own friendship advice. Welcome to my husband, Bryan!Bryan hasn't been on Dear Nina since the first year! I brought him back to talk about what has surprised him after five years of listening to conversations about every aspect of friendship. He shared the theme he's been noticing beneath the friendship dilemmas: two people do not want the same type of friendship.We also talk about one of the messages Bryan has heard me repeat the most: If you want to see a friend, reach out. Don’t sit back, keep score, or “match their energy.” That doesn’t mean giving everyone the same amount of time or continuing to chase people who never respond. Bryan puts it another way: Go where the heat is. Pay attention to the people who are glad to hear from you and who return your efforts in their own way.We discuss:Why uneven desire is behind so many friendship questions that come my wayWhy Bryan believes “don’t wait” is some of the most useful advice from the showWhat to do instead of "matching someone else’s energy"Why electronic contact cannot fully replace phone calls and time togetherA past episode that changed how Bryan thinks about what we give to a friendshipThe friendship struggles I still have to work on myself!Why couple friendships work best when both partners help keep them goingHow Dear Nina grew from an advice column and listener letters into conversations with authors, researchers, therapists, and other friendship thinkersA special thank-you to my brother-in-law, Dave Dluger, who helped me produce and edit the earliest Dear Nina episodes and convinced me I could learn how to make a podcast. And thank you to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs, who has become an essential part of nearly every podcast decision, guest conversation, and episode idea.Listeners: Thank you for rooting for this show, sharing episodes with friends, sending your questions, and talking with me about friendship for so many years. This podcast would not be here without you!Links mentioned:Episode #24: Maintaining Boundaries Without Damaging Your Friendships (with Bryan)Episode #37: The Benefits of Couple Friends (with Bryan)Episode #9. Friends Will Hang Out Without You: (with Taryn Kessel)Episode #73. I’m Just Not That Into This Friendship: (with Ruchi Koval)Episode #139: How to Start a PodcastALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question📪 email: [email protected]🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!
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To mark five years of Dear Nina, I invited my husband, Bryan, who has listened to every episode and occasionally reminds me to follow my own advice. We talk about why so many friendship dilemmas come down to unequal interest, what to do instead of “matching energy,” and why reaching out is often better than waiting. Bryan also shares the lessons that have stayed with him most—and the friendship advice I still need to practice myself. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!
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#204 - "Go where the heat Is”: My Husband on Five Years of Friendship Advice
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