Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship

How to make girls trips, weekend getaways, and friendship travel actually happenThis week, I’m joined by one of my favorite people to talk to about friendship on and off the microphone: my assistant producer and friend, Rebekah Jacobs!We're discussing something she does far more often than I do—traveling with friends. Rebekah is a frequent girls-trip traveler. She’s the friend who is always hopping on a plane, meeting friends for a weekend away, or squeezing in a 24-hour getaway. Meanwhile, I realized while preparing for this episode that I’ve traveled with friends far less often than most people might assume, especially for someone who talks about friendship for a living. Together, we unpack why friendship travel can feel so difficult to pull off, especially during busy seasons of life. We talk about kids, schedules, money, logistics, guilt, and the challenge of finding a date that works for everyone. But we also talk about why it’s worth the effort.In this episode, we discuss:Why you don’t need a big friend group to take a friendship trip (one-on-one is great too!)How to finally move a trip from “We should do that sometime” to an actual date on the calendarRebekah’s advice about being the “bendy friend” when schedules get complicatedWhat happens when different people want different things from the same tripHow to navigate money conversations without resentmentWhy self-advocacy is an underrated travel skillThe importance of putting your phone away and being presentHow trips help deepen friendships in ways everyday life often can’tOne takeaway I especially lovedRebekah said something during our conversation that I haven’t stopped thinking about: the worth-it bar is lower than you think.In other words, stop waiting for the perfect destination, the perfect budget, the perfect schedule, or the perfect group. If you can make one night work, do it. If all you can manage is 24 hours, take the 24 hours. Links MentionedTickets to Dear Nina LIVE in Excelsior, Minnesota on July 29The White Lotus episode: Lessons from the White Lotus Friendship TrioThe 2025 live show: From the Cafeteria to the Mahj Table: Friend Group Challenges from Teens to Midlife and Beyond The Beaches episode! What “Beaches” Gets Right About Friendship: Professors Paul Eastwick & Eli Finkel (of The Love Factually Podcast)Article on Jane Pratt's Substack: "Girls Trips Always Make Me Feel Left Out, Disappointed and Depressed"As always, thank you for listening. And if this episode inspires you to finally book that trip you've been talking about for years, I'd love to hear about it. Safe travels!ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question📪 email: [email protected]🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

Two entrepreneurs on friendship, support, and staying open to new connections.When we talk on Dear Nina about making friends as adults, I often focus on hobbies, neighborhoods, volunteer opportunities, or the activities we do outside of work. But work is one of the most common ways adults meet new people, and it's something I probably don't talk about enough.This week, I'm joined by Mara Smith, founder of Inspiro Tequila, and Kim Oster-Holstein, co-founder of Twisted Alchemy. Both women launched successful beverage companies as second (or third!) careers, and both found themselves navigating the challenges of entrepreneurship at the same time.What I love about their story is that they easily could have stayed acquaintances. Instead, they built a genuine friendship based on shared values, mutual support, and a belief that collaboration creates more opportunities than competition.In our conversation, we discuss how they met through industry events, why entrepreneurship can be surprisingly lonely, and how staying open to new friendships at all points in life can enrich both your professional and personal worlds. Whether you're a founder, work in a traditional office, or are simply looking for new ways to connect with people, this episode is a reminder that meaningful friendships can begin in unexpected places. LINKS MENTIONED: Kim's company, Twisted AlchemyMara's Company, Inspiro TequilaAnother helpful episode on making friends through work, but with another angle is #191 with guest, Lindsay Pinchuk, "The Case For Work Friends and Where to Find Them"Tickets for Dear Nina Live in Minneapolis on July 29th!MEET KIM & MARA:Kim Oster-Holstein is a respected leader in the food and beverage industry with over 29 years of experience driving innovation and growth. As Co-Founder and President of Twisted Alchemy, she has transformed the hospitality and home mixology markets with award-winning, 100% Whole30 Approved, cold-pressed juices distributed nationwide. Under her leadership, the company partners with prestigious brands such as Ritz-Carlton, Disney, Marriott, and Nobu, serving more than 10,000 hospitality accounts and major grocery retailers such as Whole Foods, Sprouts Farmers Markets and Albertsons. Previously, she founded and led Kim & Scott’s Gourmet Pretzels to multimillion-dollar success before its acquisition by J&J Snack Foods Corp. in 2012. A TEDx speaker, award-winning entrepreneur, and Northwestern University alumna, Kim is widely recognized for her visionary leadership, industry influence, and commitment to developing future leaders.Mara Smith, the founder of Inspiro Tequila, is a former attorney, corporate strategist and stay-at-home mom. Mara practiced law at a large Chicago law firm before joining the corporate strategy team at a Fortune 500 Company. After her twins were born prematurely, Mara made the difficult decision to leave her corporate career to stay home. She never stopped thinking about what was next. Mara always envisioned running her own company and in 2020 she set out on her journey to create a new tequila brand. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question📪 email: [email protected]🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

Why Reassurance-Seeking, Overthinking, and Fear of Rejection Can Strain Even Good FriendshipsMost of us have moments when we wonder where we stand with a friend. That's part of caring about people. But for some, those worries become a constant rumination in the background of their friendships. You might find yourself replaying conversations, looking for signs that something is wrong, or repeatedly seeking reassurance that the friendship is still okay. That's where a discussion about anxious attachment can be helpful.Attachment styles have become a popular topic online, but social media often reduces a complex subject to quick labels and catchy phrases. In this episode of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship, we're taking a deeper look at what anxious attachment actually looks like in friendships. When is concern about a friendship justified? When is anxiety filling in the blanks? And how can you tell the difference?I'm joined by psychotherapist and mindfulness teacher Rebecca Stambridge, known online as The Friendship Therapist, to discuss anxious attachment style in friendships. While attachment styles are often discussed in romantic relationships, Rebecca explains why they show up in our platonic connections.We explore what anxious attachment style looks like in real life, why some friendships feel especially triggering, and how learning self-compassion can help you stop looking to friends to soothe every uncomfortable feeling. WE DISCUSSED:The difference between normal friendship insecurity and anxious attachmentWhy some people constantly worry that a friend is upset with them even when there's little evidenceHow overthinking and seeking reassurance can strain friendshipsThe connection between childhood experiences and adult friendship patternsThe difference between healthy friendship expectations and looking to a friend to soothe anxietyHow secure friends can sometimes trigger anxious attachment in othersPractical mindfulness and self-compassion tools for managing friendship anxietyHow to tell the difference between your anxiety talking and a friendship that genuinely isn't workingWhy healing anxious attachment doesn't mean never feeling insecure again MEET REBECCA STAMBRIDGE:Rebecca Stambridge, known as The Friendship Therapist, is a psychotherapist and mindfulness teacher who helps people overcome low self-worth and anxious attachment so they can feel secure and at ease in their platonic relationships. Find Rebecca on Instagram: @the.friendshiptherapist.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question📪 email: [email protected]🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

In this episode of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship, I’m talking about the social complications of having a second home. Whether it’s a lakeside cabin, a Florida condo, or simply living somewhere everyone wants to visit, these situations bring up all kinds of friendship questions around hosting, invitations, reciprocity, FOMO, boundaries, and expectations.My guest is the incredible Stephanie Hansen: cookbook author, novelist, broadcaster, podcaster, and expert on Minnesota cabin culture. Stephanie loves her family cabin in Ely, Minnesota, and she joined me for a candid conversation about what happens when your “happy place” also becomes a source of complicated social dynamics. This episode is funny, honest, surprisingly emotional at times, and full of the kinds of nuanced friendship situations that don’t have perfect answers.LINKS MENTIONED: True North Cabin Cookbook Vol 1 and True North Cabin Cookbook Vol 2.Check out Stephanie's new novel, The Moon Tavern: A Culinary Love Story (With Recipes), co-written with her husband, Kurt Johnson.Stephanie's website and Substack newsletter full of fantastic recipes and storiesStephanie on Instagram @stephaniesdishMEET STEPHANIE HANSENStephanie Hansen is the co-host of the “The Weekly Dish” radio show and podcast on Hubbard Broadcastings MyTalk107.1 radio with Minneapolis St Paul Magazines food editor, Stephanie March. The show is going on its 18th year and is also a podcast. In 2023 and 2025 Stephanie won a regional Emmy award for hosting the TV show, "Taste Buds With Stephanie" that airs Saturday mornings at 8:30 am on Fox 9 and is currently in syndication at 89 TV stations throughout the United States. Season 4 starts in Fall of 2026. You can also catch Stephanie cooking and sharing recipes weekly on The Jason Show on KMSP Fox 9 in the Twin Cities. Stephanie also has a podcast called, “Dishing with Stephanie’s Dish” where she talks with other food writers, cookbook authors, and fans of food that she releases on her Substack newsletter with recipes each week from her blog StephaniesDish.comStephanie loves to travel and has sailed throughout the Caribbean, Italy and Croatia. She loves her “Van Life” in her Winnebago Paseo and is a part-time resident of Ely on Burntside Lake in the Summer where she wrote and photographed the True North Cabin Cookbook Vol 1 and True North Cabin Cookbook Vol 2.And check out Stephanie's new novel, The Moon Tavern: A Culinary Love Story (With Recipes), co-written with her husband, Kurt Johnson. Find her on Instagram @stephaniesdishon Instagram @stephaniesdishALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question📪 email: [email protected]🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

I’m sharing a bonus episode from my appearance on The Visibility Standard with Jazzmyn Proctor. We talked about modern friendship and all the strange new tensions that come with living so much of our lives online.From expecting friends to endlessly support our businesses on social media (and the resentment when they watch but don't 'like'), to replacing real connection with memes and endless scrolling, this conversation digs into the gray areas of adult friendship right now. We also talked about reciprocity, forgiveness, making actual plans with friends, and why maintaining friendships requires more intentionality than ever. Jazzmyn brought such thoughtful questions to this discussion, brought such thoughtful questions to this discussion, and I was excited to answer for a change.In this episode, we discuss:Why your friends are not automatically your audience, followers, or marketing teamThe difference between online reciprocity and real-life friendship reciprocityHow social media can quietly distort friendship expectationsWhy sending memes is not the same as maintaining a friendshipThe importance of scheduling time with friends—even when it feels inconvenientHow forgiveness and assuming the best help friendships last longerBuilding friendships through online spaces without confusing them for instant intimacyConcerns about AI, ChatGPT, and what happens when people stop practicing real human connectionLinks mentioned:Learn more about JazzmynJazzmyn on TikTok and Instagram (both @jazzmynproctor)Jazzmyn's episode on Dear Nina was one of my top of 2025: "Episode #151: "Myths Around Adult Friendships"Harlan Cohen on Dear Nina: Episode #143: "The Law of Rejection in Friendships"Dear Nina episode #139: "How to Start a Podcast"ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question📪 email: [email protected]🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

Money can shape adult friendships in ways we don’t always talk about openly. Who pays for dinner? Who can afford the group trip? Do you need to attend the wedding AND the bachelorette party and wedding shower? What happens when your kids start noticing how other families spend money? And how do you handle it when your own financial situation changes before your friendships catch up?This week on Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship, I’m joined by Heather Boneparth, financial professional, former lawyer, and co-author of Money Together. Heather works with individuals, couples, and families around the emotional side of money—and she has strong opinions in the best possible way.We get into the layered and emotional realities of friendship and finances, including:Splitting checks when one person clearly ordered moreTraveling with friends who have very different budgets and expectationsExpensive weddings, bachelorette parties, and how to say “I can’t do this” without shameParenting differences around spending, takeout, Starbucks, and what kids noticeWhat happens when your own financial situation changes and your friendships shift tooWhy empathy matters more than assumptions when it comes to moneyOne thing I appreciated about Heather is that she doesn’t reduce every issue to “just communicate better.” She acknowledges that these conversations are uncomfortable, emotional, and tied to much bigger beliefs about money, fairness, identity, and belonging.And throughout the episode, we come back to one important reminder: you almost never know the full financial story of another person’s life. LINKS MENTIONED: Episode #108 was the previous episode on the topic of money and friendship with Mia Brabham Nolan Heather's newsletter with her husband, Douglas: The Joint Account Heather and Douglas on social media: @averagejoelle and @dougboneparthAnd their book, Money Together: How to find fairness in your relationship and become an unstoppable financial team MEET HEATHER BONEPARTHHeather Boneparth is the director of business and legal affairs for Bone Fide Wealth in New York City. A former corporate lawyer, she's now a rising voice at the intersection of money, relationships, and parenting. She is the co-author of Money Together: How to find fairness in your relationship and become an unstoppable financial team, which she co-wrote with her husband. The couple helps 15,000 subscribers talk about money each week through their newsletter, The Joint Account. You can find her perpetually online: @averagejoelle. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question📪 email: [email protected]🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

This episode is a little different—and very fun—because it’s packed with specific, creative ways to spend time with friends that go beyond the usual walk, coffee, or dinner at a restaurant.I’m joined by Ashlee Gadd and Katie Blackburn of the Coffee + Crumbs community and authors of the new book, You're In Good Company: The Gift of Friendship, Motherhood, and Showing Up. Ashlee and Katie came ready with ideas you can steal: low-pressure, fun ways to gather with friends. These are not big, complicated events. But they ARE creative!What I love about this conversation is that it’s both practical and honest. Yes, you’ll walk away with ideas you can use, but we also get into what makes these gatherings work in the first place—shared effort, showing up, and being thoughtful about the kind of connection you’re trying to create.We also get into a harder element of getting together with friends, which is knowing there might be people who feel left out. This is an issue at every age! We discuss balancing "everyone is invited" with wanting smaller, more intimate hangouts where you can actually talk and be vulnerable. There's and time and place for both kinds of plans in our lives. We dicussed:Why specific plans (not vague ones) make friendship hangouts more consistentSimple, low-key gathering ideas you can copy right away (you will have to listen to the episode to get them!)Sharing the responsibility of planning so it doesn’t fall on one personThe difference between quick “micro” check-ins and deeper time togetherHow to think about group size, intimacy, and inclusivity without overthinking it LINKS MENTIONED: Ashlee and Katie's book, You're In Good Company: The Gift of Friendship, Motherhood, and Showing UpCoffee + Crumbs on SubstackEpisode 192: Why Plans With Friends Don't Happen and How to Fix It"Good Intentions Won't Sustain a Friendship"Episode 180: Mean Mom Culture and Relational Aggression with Dr. Noelle SantorelliEpisode 181: Exclusion and the Power to Build New Friendships with Amy Weatherly Meet Ashlee and Katie:Ashlee Gadd is a mother, writer, photographer, and founder of Coffee + Crumbs. She is the editor and contributor of You’re In Good Company and the author of Create Anyway. She has spent the last ten years helping mothers harness their creative talents into powerful storytelling at Coffee + Crumbs—a beautiful online space where motherhood and art intersect. Find Ashlee on Instagram @ashleegadd.Katie Blackburn is a writer, teacher, and a lifelong learner. She's also a single mother to six kids, making her life very loud and surely impossible without the amazing grace of God. Katie is the author of Gluing the Cracks: Reflections on Disability,Motherhood and Hope; The Very Best Baseball Game, and Grace Will Be There: Finding God in the Life We Aren't Ready For (Forthcoming, August 2026). Find Katie on Instagram @katiemblackburn.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question📪 email: [email protected]🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

Is your neighborhood or town welcoming?I spend a lot of time on this show talking about the one-to-one side of friendship—the texts, the plans, the misunderstandings, the dynamics that keep us close or pull us apart. But once in a while, I like to zoom out and look at something bigger: the social health of where we live. Our friendships don’t exist in a vacuum. They’re shaped by our neighborhoods, your cities, and whether connection in these places.My guest, Aaron Hurst, is the founder of the U.S. Chamber of Connection (yes, that’s a real thing—and it probably should have existed a long time ago), and he’s thinking about connection on a national scale. His work focuses on how we rebuild social life in a time when loneliness is rising, trust is declining, and more and more of our interactions are happening through screens.Here’s what I loved most about this conversation: the solutions are surprisingly simple. We’re talking potlucks, block parties, coffee in your driveway, neighborhood-wide walks, even just inviting people over on a Tuesday night. Just small, consistent efforts to bring people together as a volunteer where you live.Is your neighborhood, town, or wider city area welcoming? How so? I'd love to hear! Let's continue the conversation anywhere you see me posting about this episode. (That's usually @dearninafriendship on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube. And in my Facebook group at Dear Nina: The Group.)In this episode, we talk about:Why loneliness is bigger than individual friendships and what’s happening at a societal levelThe idea behind the U.S. Chamber of Connection (and why it exists)Why only some people naturally initiate and what that means for the rest of us“Seattle Freeze,” “Minnesota Nice,” and whether certain cities are harder for friendshipThe two biggest barriers to making connections: not knowing where to start + not wanting to go aloneWhy small efforts (potlucks, block parties, coffee in your driveway) matter more than big plansHow to become an “inviter” in your own neighborhoodThe 1 million volunteer goal—and how you can be part of itWhy giving friendship—not waiting for it—is the shift that changes everythingLINKS MENTIONED: Volunteer for the Chamber of Connection in your area"Why Even Smart People Believe AI Is Really Thinking" Wall Street JournalPrevious episodes covering some of this ground: #138: The Neighborhood Village and How Community is Different From Friendship: Seth D. Kaplan#150: Join or Die: Pickleball, Potlucks, Democracy, and Your Health: Rebecca Davis and Pete DavisMEET AARON HURST:Aaron Hurst is a serial social entrepreneur, an expert in purpose and social connection, and the bestselling author of The Purpose Economy. He is the founder and CEO of the US Chamber of Connection, where he uses behavioral science to build the infrastructure for connection in America. Aaron's work has been featured in the New York Times, Washington Post, Fast Company and Bloomberg, among others. He previously founded the Taproot Foundation and Imperative, and he is a LinkedIn influencer.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question📪 email: [email protected]🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

Navigating friendship when your planning styles don’t matchWhy is it so hard to actually make plans with friends as adults? In this solo episode, I’m digging into one of the most common (and frustrating) dynamics in friendship: when one person likes to plan ahead and the other prefers to keep things spontaneous. I also discuss when both people like to have an actual plan, but one friend is doing most of the work of sending dates. I talk through why this mismatch can stall even strong friendships and what to do about it. From turning vague “we should get together” texts into real plans, to figuring out when it’s your turn to suggest dates, this is a practical, honest look at how to actually see your friends more often.Here’s the part I’ll say plainly: if a plan doesn’t get on the calendar, it usually doesn’t happen. That’s just the reality of adult life. But that doesn’t mean there’s only one “right” way to make plans or that being spontaneous "never" works. But having good intentions to "get together" aren't enough to sustain a friendship.Inside this episode, I discuss:Why spontaneous plans feel great—but don’t happen as often as we wishWhat to do when your friend doesn’t like booking things in advanceHow to meet in the middle without overcomplicating itThe small shift that turns “we should get together” into an actual planWhen it’s your turn to suggest the dates (It can't always fall on the other person. You have to open up your calendar, too!)I also share a couple of real-life examples—one where spontaneity worked, and one where clear scheduling made everything easy—to show how both approaches can work when you’re intentional about it.This isn’t about forcing your style onto someone else. It’s about acknowledging the mismatch and actually talking about it because the “problem” here is a good one: you and your friend theoretically want to spend time together. And if that’s the case, there’s always a way to figure it out.If you’ve ever felt like you’re always the one making the plans, or you’re waiting around for plans that never happen, or you just can’t seem to sync up with a friend you really like—this episode will give you a realistic way forward.LINK MENTIONED: Episode 73 with guest Ruchi Koval: "I'm Just Not Into This Friendship"Episode 121: "Rules For Making Plans with Friends" "This is How to Make Plans With Friends" on Substack, Dec 2024 ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question📪 email: [email protected]🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

The Unexpected Friendships You Find Through Networking When You Work AloneIf you're ever feel lonely at work, lonely working from home, or you realize your regular friends just don't get what you do, this episode is for you.I spoke with Lindsay Pinchuk, award-winning entrepreneur and founder of the Dear Founder Forum, a networking community for women business owners over 40. Lindsay's group is a big reason the "Dear Nina" world has grown so much this past year, and this conversation is all about how networking communities (not just Lindsay's) can become an unexpected and essential source of real, lasting friendship. It's really something you might want to consider if you work alone or with a very small team.But just like in friendship, feeling seen and heard in a networking communities takes an element of giving of your time and attention, NOT JUST TAKING. In this episode we discuss the true friendships that can be made in a networking group and how those connections can help your business and your life.WE DISCUSSED:Why networking groups can foster real friendshipsThe “you get out what you put in” truth (for both networking and friendship)Why being in the same business doesn’t have to mean competitionThe surprising benefits of becoming friendly with your “competition”Why conversations—not social media—are what actually grow your work and your relationshipsThe difference between being friendly and being friends (and why both matter)Why expecting your friends to support your work as if they're customers, followers, or "fans," can backfire LINKS MENTIONED: "Do you make yourself smaller around certain friends?" The January Substack post about realizing your regular friends aren't the right outlet for some of your work conversationsDear FoundHer the podcast and the forumSunny and Jenn on Dear NinaMy turn as a guest on Lindsay's amazing podcast, Dear FoundHer. We talked about how I built Dear Nina!Meet Lindsay PinchukLindsay Pinchuk is an award-winning entrepreneur, consultant, and small business mentor who’s among the less than 1% of female founders to successfully lead her company through an acquisition. She built her first company, Bump Club and Beyond, from just $500 into a 7-figure brand with partnerships that included Target, Nordstrom, Huggies, and Unilever, reaching over 3 million people every month before selling the business to a large agency holding company.Today, Lindsay is the founder of Dear FoundHer, a top 0.5% podcast and community supporting women business owners over 40. Through her podcast, newsletter, mentorship program, and her signature SWEEP framework, she helps entrepreneurs simplify their marketing, grow their businesses, and build long-term success.Follow Dear FoundHer on Instagram @dearfoundher!ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question📪 email: [email protected]🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

I’m excited to share a fantastic episode from when I was the guest on Your Child Is Normal with pediatrician Dr. Jessica Hochman. (@askdrjessica on Instagram)Dr. Jessica and I spoke about how to help kids become socially confident in a world where so much interaction happens on screens. From teaching kids to initiate plans instead of waiting to be invited (adults need to master this too!), to why proximity and real-life time together matter more than ever, this is a practical conversation about what helps kids make and keep friends.We also got into what it looks like for parents to support friendships—hosting, encouraging, and sometimes stepping in—without over-managing. It's not easy! This discussion includes plenty of nuance. If you’re raising kids in today’s tech-heavy world, this one will give you a lot to think about.We talk about:Why kids (and adults) need to learn to initiate—not wait to be invitedThe importance of proximity and “hyper-local” friendships for kids when possibleHow parents can encourage friendships without forcing them (Accept that kids' friendships WILL change, even when the parents are close.)Rethinking reciprocity (it’s not tit-for-tat)How to help kids navigate friendship conflict and give each other graceThe reality of drifting friendships and why it’s not always a failureHow screens and over-scheduling are changing kids’ social livesSimple, practical ways to help kids feel more confident and socially capableThoughts on being "the hosting house"Meet Dr. Jessica HochmanYour Child is Normal is the trusted podcast for parents, pediatricians, and child health experts who want smart, nuanced conversations about raising healthy, resilient kids. Hosted by Dr. Jessica Hochman — a board-certified practicing pediatrician — the show combines evidence-based medicine, expert interviews, and real-world parenting advice to help listeners navigate everything from sleep struggles to mental health, nutrition, screen time, and more.Follow Dr Jessica Hochman:Instagram: @AskDrJessica and Tiktok @askdrjessica, YouTube channel: Ask Dr JessicaALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question📪 email: [email protected]🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

Reframing Your Birthday and Your FriendshipsBirthdays can be emotionally loaded and full of expectations, mixed signals, and quiet disappointment about what we’re “supposed to do” and who is “supposed to do” it for us. If birthdays have left you feeling overlooked or unsure of your friendships, this episode offers a practical—and freeing—way to think about them differently.And I know some of you are saying, "I don't care about my birthday anyway." That's okay! I'm still making the case that your birthday is an opportunity to be inviting and generous. Stick with me.In this conversation with my close friend Debra Arbit (who I didn’t meet until my early 40s!), we talk about reframing our approach to birthdays to one that makes them more joyful and reflective of the friendships we want.Debra shares how she planned her 45th birthday in a way that felt intentional, flexible, and genuinely fun.Please note, this conversation goes way beyond birthdays. It’s about expectations in friendships, as well as effort, vulnerability, and what it really looks like to build the kind of relationships you want. HIGHLIGHTS:Why birthdays often become a “test” of friendship and why that can backfireThe case for planning your own birthday (and why it’s not as sad as it sounds)Debra’s “Signup Genius” 45th birthday eventsLetting go of rigid ideas about reciprocityWhat “showing up” actually looks like (it’s more than just attending)Why mixing different groups of friends can be a good thingScarcity vs. abundance mindsets in friendshipHow to set the tone for your birthday—whether it’s a party or a simple one-on-one planAgain, if birthdays have ever left you feeling resentful or anxious, this episode offers a way forward—one that’s intentional, generous, and meaningful.LINKS MENTIONED: Debra's amazing Instagram account: @fortheloveofcookbooksEpisode #84 with Debra: How to Turn an Acquaintance Into a Friend AND How to Make Hosting EasierEpisode #131: Start a Ritual/Tradition with FriendsEpisode #140: Celebrating Friends’ Birthdays and Your Own BirthdayAll the friendship challenges on Dear Nina: Conversations About FriendshipMEET DEBRA ARBIT:In addition to being one of my real life actual close friends, Debra is a serial entrepreneur who is passionate about lifting up other women business owners. When she isn’t thinking of new business ideas or consulting with women business owners, she is likely cooking her way through a cookbook completing every single recipe within it. She recently finished her 20th complete cookbook and is steadily working through her never-ending stack. She posts all about her cookbook adventures on her Instagram account, @fortheloveofcookbooks, where she rates the recipes and shares which of her three kids and husband were willing to try whatever she made. Oh. And she happens to be moderately obsessed with birthdays and celebrating all of life’s milestones big and small.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question📪 email: [email protected]🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

“You don’t really have any friends, do you, Dad?”That’s the question that stopped Andrew McCarthy—yes, the Pretty in Pink / Mannequin/St. Elmo's Fire/"Brat Pack" Andrew McCarthy—in his tracks and led to a 10,000-mile journey to reconnect with the people he considered his closest friends. Andrew's book, Who Needs Friends: An Unscientific Examination of Male Friendship Across America, is available now! In this episode, Andrew and I talk about what happens when friendships quietly drift into the background, why that happens so often for men, and what it actually takes to rebuild connections with people you know would be there for you in theory, but it's been too long since you've spent time together in person.This is a conversation about male friendship, but also about something much more universal: showing up, loneliness, and the kind of safety only real friendship can provide.WE DISCUSSED: Why “having friends” isn’t the same as actually seeing themThe idea of safety in friendship and why it matters just as much as trustWhy many men drift away from friendships over time (and don’t always notice it happening)The pressure men feel to provide and how that shapes their identity and relationshipsThe difference between foundational friendships and newer friendships and why both matterWhat women can learn from how men often allow for imperfection in friendshipsThe underrated role of asking for help in building and strengthening connectionHow loneliness can be a signal—not a failure—and what it’s trying to tell usWhy scheduling (or built-in rituals like games or activities) makes friendships more likely to lastWhat kids notice about their parents' friendships and why modeling connection mattersAndrew’s insight that for many men, action can be a form of loveLINKS MENTIONED: Andrew's newest book: Who Needs Friends: An Unscientific Examination of Male Friendship Across AmericaEpisode 184 of Dear Nina with Dr. Jeffrey HallMy episode on NPR's LifeKit about old friendsMeet Andrew McCarthyAndrew McCarthy gained fame as an actor in the 1980’s appearing in such iconic films as Pretty in Pink, St. Elmo’s Fire, and Less Than Zero, as well as cult favorites Weekend At Bernie’s and Mannequin. He has starred on Broadway and made numerous television appearances, most recently seen as a regular on Fox’s The Resident.Andrew most recently directed Brats, an intimate and provocative new feature documentary, which premiered on Hulu in June 2024. The documentary explores the iconic films of the 80s as well as their stars, branded with the name the “Brat Pack.”Beyond his work in front of and behind the camera, Andrew has become an accomplished author, and he is one of today’s leading travel writers. Andrew lives in New York with his wife and three kids. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question📪 email: [email protected]🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

When repeated friendship struggles may signal something deeper . . .I consistently hear from listeners who are struggling with friendship in ways that feel confusing or painful: repeated friendship breakups, difficulty making meaningful connections, uncertainty about whether to confront a friend or quietly drift away. While many friendship challenges are completely normal, when the same issues keep showing up again and again, there are likely deeper issues at play.In this episode, I speak with psychotherapist and social worker Roxanne Francis about how to recognize the difference between typical friendship struggles and patterns that deserve a closer look.We discuss some of the biggest themes that come up in my inbox: boundaries, ghosting, overly reliance on online friendships, and the growing tendency to cut people off quickly. Roxanne brings the perspective of a therapist who works with these dynamics every day and offers thoughtful insight into when self-reflection—or even therapy—might help us understand what’s really going on.If you’ve ever found yourself wondering why certain friendship struggles keep showing up, this episode offers thoughtful insight into what those patterns might be trying to tell you. (A version of this episode was originally released in April 2024 and it's every bit still as relevant today.)Meet Roxanne FrancisRoxanne is an award-winning CEO of Francis Psychotherapy & Consulting Services, runs a busy group therapy practice, is a keynote speaker, leadership coach and corporate consultant who addresses topics related to women’s issues, race & equity, mental health, parenting, and wellness at work. Roxanne is also frequently in the media, sharing her expertise.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question📪 email: [email protected]🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

The Friendship Side of ADHD We Don’t Talk About EnoughADHD is getting more attention right now, but one part of the conversation often gets overlooked: how ADHD affects adult friendships for the person with ADHD and for that person's friends.To learn more, I spoke with Cate Osborn and Erik Gude, the duo behind the podcast Catie and Erik’s Infinite Quest: An ADHD Adventure and co-authors of the new book, The ADHD Field Guide for Adults.We discussed the friendship side of ADHD—especially the gap between caring deeply about people and actually managing the follow-through that friendship requires. We also talked about why making friends can feel easy (for some people with ADHD) while keeping them can feel much harder; how executive dysfunction affects things like reaching out, planning ahead, remembering important details, and staying present in conversation; and why “if they wanted to, they would” is often too simplistic when ADHD is involved.This conversation is for both people with ADHD navigating friendship and the friends who want to better understand them. Cate and Erik make a strong case for both sides: more compassion from neurotypical friends, and more responsibility from people with ADHD to build systems that help them show up well in relationships.It’s an honest, practical conversation about communication, rejection sensitivity, misunderstanding, and what it takes to create friendships that are both more realistic and more resilient.HIGHLIGHTS:How executive dysfunction affects texting back, planning, remembering, and following throughWhy reaching out is such a loaded issue in adult friendshipsThe difference between intention and behavior in ADHDHow ADHD can affect conversation styles, including interrupting and anecdotal communicationWhat rejection sensitivity is and how it shapes friendshipsWhy shame can make it even harder to reconnect after time passesThe kinds of systems and structures that can help people with ADHD be better friends (and why those systems will be different for every person with ADHD)Why it matters to ask for what you need instead of testing your friendshipsHow to tell the difference between a friendship problem and a simple difference in communication style MEET CATE OSBORN & ERIK GUDECATE OSBORN, along with Erik Gude, is an educator and advocate for people with ADHD. She is the host of Sorry I Missed This on Understood.org, which focuses on ADHD’s impact on relationships, communication, and intimacy, and the cohost of Catie and Erik’s Infinite Quest: An ADHD Adventure. A certified sex educator, she is the advisor to Playboy for her expertise in the intersection of intimacy and neurodiversity. Her work has also appeared in Cosmopolitan, The New York Times, GQ, HuffPost, and other outlets. Find out more at Catieosaurus.com. Follow Cate on TikTok and Instagram @catieosaurus.ERIK GUDE, along with Cate Osborn, is an educator and advocate for people with ADHD. He cohosts Catie and Erik’s Infinite Quest: An ADHD Adventure and, with Cate Osborn, and frequently hosts panels about the intersection of ADHD and gaming at conventions, including DragonCon, Emerald City Comic Con, GenCon, MomoCon, and San Diego Comic-Con. Erik’s ADHD Crafting Challenge was a huge success on TikTok with over 20 million views. A former cook, he is now a prop maker and fabricator at the legendary Fonco Studios. Follow him on TikTok and Instagram @HeyGude.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question📪 email: [email protected]🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

We're unpacking a surprisingly charged friendship dilemma I answered for Real Simple magazine: How do you handle a longtime friend who copies everything you wear and do—outfits, home decor, and more—and doesn't mention the inspiration? She just shows up in her life as the mirror image of your choices?When I answered the letter for Real Simple, I side-stepped the fashion elements of the question because I'm not a fashion-forward person, at all. I stuck to wondering why the letter write would let the issue fester for 15 years.To help me address the parts I missed and even expand the conversation to friends who ask you to work for free AND friends who cannot give you a direct compliment, I’m joined by Candace Ourisman, creative director, brand consultant, and founder of Secretly Fancy.Candace lives in the world of personal style and taste! We talk about why this situation of being copied can feel flattering to some people and suffocating to others, and how oftentimes it depends on how the request for resources is addressed. We get honest about the part nobody wants to admit: sometimes the feeling of being copied isn’t about the item or the idea—it’s about what’s missing underneath it (acknowledgment, appreciation, and basic communication).In this episode, we get into:When copying feels like connection vs. when it feels like your identity is being erasedWhat to do when something has bothered you for years in a friendship—and you’ve never said a word (as I addressed in the magazine)Where “friends don’t gatekeep” is true . . . and where it’s not the full storyThe tricky overlap between friendship + expertise: when a friend is asking for “quick help” and when they’re asking for unpaid labor. I dug out the 2015 question I answered on this exact issue. It's probably a bit dated now, but I stand by the sentiment of my advice. Meet Candace OurismanCandace Ourisman is a creative director, brand consultant, and gifting expert based in Washington DC. She founded Secretly Fancy in 2009, a lifestyle platform that blends fashion, home and hosting with a distinctly playful point of view. Candace is known for curating immersive, high-touch experiences, from designer trunk shows and intimate salons to editorial-driven events, bringing together luxury brands, tastemakers, and community. Her work and perspective have been featured in The New York Times, The Washington Post, New York Magazine’s The Cut, Washingtonian, Yahoo Finance, and more.Find her on Instagram: @secretlyfancyALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question📪 email: [email protected]🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

Today we're talking about a specific and underexplored friendship challenge: what happens to your social life as your career takes off. We get right to the heart of something many ambitious women feel but rarely say out loud — that they appear socially rich on the outside while feeling quietly disconnected on the inside. We discuss why a full calendar of networking chats isn't the same as genuine connection, and how competence can become a cloak that makes others assume you don't need support.I’m joined by Dr. Kimberly Horn, an internationally recognized research psychologist, professor, and public health scientist, and the author of Friends Matter for Life: Harnessing the Eight Tenets of Dynamic Friendship. Kimberly studies friendship through a public health lens, and she’s also lived what she teaches: the higher she rose professionally, the smaller (and trickier) her social landscape became.We talk about common friendship traps for high achieving women, how success can make relationships feel murkier (hello, “real friend” vs. “deal friend”), and other issues like jealously and lopsided friendships.In this episode, we get into:Why career success can shrink your friend circle (even when you don’t want it to)The “socially rich, internally disconnected” feelingHow being “too busy” (and saying it out loud) can train people to stop inviting youThe optimization trap: why we cancel a friend walk 4 times, but never cancel the draining meetingThe comparison trap: how jealousy shows up in friendships (and why it’s normal)A concept I loved: co-celebration—and why celebrating others actually helps your brainThe over-functioning trap: when competence turns into caretaking and then into resentmentWhat “reciprocity” actually looks like in real adult friendships (hint: not 50/50, but not forever lopsided)The three options when a friendship feels “askew”Why some friendships fade without drama, and why that doesn’t mean they weren’t meaningful Practical takeaways you can try immediately:The 2-2-1 ritual: 2 texts, 2 calls, 1 in-person touchpoint each week (small, doable, and powerful)Safeguard your energy: not everyone gets full access to your calendar (this one is hard for me too)If friendship has started to feel like an “extra” you’ll get to someday, I hope this conversation helps you treat it like what it actually is: a health habit and a life support system.Meet Dr. Kimberly HornDr. Kimberly Horn is an internationally recognized research psychologist, professor, and public health scientist whose work bridges science and soul to improve human well-being. With nearly three decades of experience and more than 160 scientific publications on addiction recovery, and physical and emotional well-being across the lifespan, she is dedicated to helping people live healthier, more fulfilling lives. At the heart of her work is a simple truth: meaningful connection is a powerful health intervention.Her new book, Friends Matter, For Life: Harnessing the 8 Tenets of Dynamic Friendship—endorsed by bestselling author Mel Robbins—confronts the public health crisis of loneliness, exploring friendship as its antidote. It offers a practical path forward—rooted in research—for navigating modern friendship and reclaiming connection. Her insights have been featured by NPR, CNN, ABC, SELF, Cosmopolitan, Vogue, Mashable, Newsweek, The New York Times, TIME, USA Today, and Psychology Today. Kimberly is known for translating complex science into practical, relatable guidance for daily living.To learn more, follow Dr. Horn on Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn, or visit her website.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question📪 email: [email protected]🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

Have you ever looked at your life and thought: I have friends. I’m doing things. I’m not isolated… so why do I still feel unsettled and maybe even lonely?This week’s guest is Dr. Jeffrey Hall (and yes, I was awkwardly a bit of a fan girl for this one). Dr. Hall is a professor and department chair of Communication Studies at the University of Kansas, where he directs the Relationships and Technology Lab. He’s the author of Relating Through Technology and The Social Biome, has written for The Wall Street Journal, and if you’ve read basically any big article about friendship over the last several years, you’ve probably seen his research quoted.You may know Dr. Hall best for his well-known findings on how long it actually takes to become close friends. We don’t get into the exact numbers in the conversation, so here they are: about 200 hours of shared time to become close friends, 80–100 hours for a solid friendship, and 40–60 hours for a casual one. If that feels like a lot, that’s the point. It explains why friendship can feel slow even when you’re “doing everything right.”But the heart of this episode is Dr. Hall's newer work from the American Friendship Project, research on what he calls the Loneliness and Connection Paradox. In the age range known as “emerging adulthood” (ages 18–30), people are often very connected--more friends, more touchpoints, more socializing than they’ll have later in adulthood--and yet they can still feel emotionally unsettled and lonely.That paradox isn’t limited to 20-somethings. Any season of rapid change can bring it on: moving, starting a new job, ending a relationship, divorce, kids leaving home, rebuilding a life, starting over. If you (or someone you love) is in a "season" where friendships feel shaky, slower than you want them to be, or weirdly unsatisfying even though you have a social life, this episode is for you.In this episode, we talk about:Why loneliness isn’t always a sign something is wrong — sometimes it’s a healthy signal that you want more connectionHow major life transitions disrupt our sense of social stabilityWhy women may experience the loneliness-and-connection tension more intenselyThe role of expectations in friendship — and why “high standards” can be both a strength and a stressorA concept I loved: ontological security — that settled feeling when life stops churning and friendships feel more stableA surprising insight about social media: it may be less about platforms causing poor wellbeing and more about people turning to them when they’re already strugglingAnd what Dr. Hall is studying next — including research suggesting that feeling socially connected today can actually give you more energy tomorrowMeet Dr. Jeffrey Hall:Jeffrey Hall is a professor and department chair of communication studies at the University of Kansas, where he is the director of the Relationships and Technology Lab. He is the author of Relating Through Technology and The Social Biome, and has written for the Wall Street Journal. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question📪 email: [email protected]🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

If you tend to assume someone’s upset with you when their tone shifts even slightly, when they don’t text back right away, or when you notice the smallest change in their availability, this episode is for you. And if you have a friend who is always asking, "Are you mad at me?" or assuming you're upset when you're simply living your life, then this episode will help you, too.I’m joined by licensed psychotherapist Meg Josephson, author of Are You Mad at Me?: How to Stop Focusing on What Others Think and Start Living for You. We spoke about people pleasing, anxiety in friendships, and that constant low-level worry so many of us carry: Did I say the wrong thing? Did I mess something up? Am I in trouble?Meg explains why people pleasing isn’t a personality trait or a weakness—it’s a survival response called fawning. A lot of us learned it early on as a way to stay safe, liked, and connected. The problem is that in adulthood, it turns into overthinking, over-apologizing, and a constant focus on how we’re being perceived, including in our friendships. It can very exhausting to live this way, and also tiresome for the friends who have to constantly assure you "everything's OK." In this episode, we talk about:Why you can’t actually control how other people see you, no matter how carefully you tryWhat the fawn response is and how it shows up in adult friendshipsHow people pleasing leads to anxiety, burnout, and quiet resentmentThe difference between reassurance-seeking and real emotional connectionWhy constantly needing reassurance can be hard on friendshipsHow growing up around criticism or gossip can make you feel perpetually judgedFinding the balance between showing up for people and over-functioningWhy resentment is a signal worth paying attention toA practical mindfulness tool for interrupting anxiety spiralsHow social media makes people pleasing worseLearning how to tolerate discomfort without immediately fixing itMeet Meg Josephson:Meg Josephson, LCSW, is a licensed psychotherapist. In her private practice, she specializes in trauma-informed care through a compassion-focused lens. She holds a Master of Social Work from Columbia University, and she is a certified meditation teacher through the Nalanda Institute. Meg also shares accessible insights via her social media platforms, reaching over five hundred thousand followers. Find Meg on Instagram at @megjosephson.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question📪 email: [email protected]🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

Knowing how to show up for a friend in grief can feel overwhelming. We want to say the right thing, we don’t want to make it worse—and too often, that fear leads to silence. This episode is about finding words that help, not harm, and about staying connected when a friend’s life has been turned upside down.In this conversation, I’m joined by grief coach and author Shelby Forsythia, whose work centers on helping people navigate loss of all kinds—not only death, but also divorce, diagnosis, estrangement, friendship breakups, and other life-altering transitions. Shelby has spent nearly a decade working with grieving people, and what she offers here is incredibly practical, compassionate, and grounding.Rather than focusing on endless lists of “what not to say,” Shelby shares language we can use—simple, human phrases that help friendships survive the hardest moments.Shelby's newest book, Of Course I'm Here Right Now: Three Actually Helpful Things to Say to Someone Grieving, is written for the people who want to support grievers—friends, family members, coworkers, and anyone who finds themselves walking alongside someone in pain.IN THIS EPISODE, WE TALK ABOUT:The three stories most grieving people tell themselves, and how to recognize which one your friend is living inWhy the loss of friendships after a major loss can be just as painful as the loss itselfHow to support someone without trying to fix or reframe their griefWhy saying the name of the person who died often feels comforting, not upsettingHow to show up for non-death grief, including divorce, estrangement, and friendship lossWhy it’s okay—and often necessary—to literally put “check in on my friend” in your calendarMeet Shelby:Shelby Forsythia (she/her) is a grief coach, three time author, and podcast host. In 2020, she founded Life After Loss Academy, an online course and community that has helped dozens of grievers grow and find their way after death, divorce, diagnosis, and other major life transitions.Following her mother’s death in 2013, Shelby began calling herself a “student of grief” and now devotes her days to reading, writing, and speaking about loss. Through a combination of mindfulness tools and intuitive, open-ended questions, she guides her clients to welcome grief as a teacher and create meaningful lives that honor and include the heartbreaks they’ve faced. Her work has been featured in Huffington Post, Bustle, and The Oprah Magazine.Find Shelby: Website | Instagram | Facebook | YouTube | TikTok ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question📪 email: [email protected]🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

This week’s episode is an expansion to last week’s conversation with Dr. Noelle Santorelli about relational aggression, belonging vs. inclusion, and “mean mom groups.” The focus this week shifts from spotting unhealthy dynamics to the next (very hard) question: What should you do after you realize you’ve been excluded by the people you thought were your friends?Bestselling author Amy Weatherly returns with a mix of empathy and tough love, reminding us that adult friendship is rarely cut-and-dry. Sometimes the table truly only held four for that event. And sometimes, those people simply aren’t your people. Either way, Amy’s message is clear: you have more power than you think.Together, Amy and I unpack the gray areas of adult friendship and how popular online memes can be contradictory (“There's always room for everyone!” vs. “Protect your peace!”). We discuss why group-chasing usually backfires and how to build connection one brave invitation at a time.In this episode, we talk about:Why adult friendship isn’t “everyone gets invited” the way it is in childhoodThe difference between "a bad heart" and a bad momentHow labeling people as “mean” or “toxic” can keep you stuckWhy it’s usually better to look for a friend, not a groupHow confidence (and self-reflection) changes everythingThe difficult reality: rejection is part of making friendsBuilding your own “table” instead of trying to squeeze into someone else’sAmy: “The secret to being liked is to like other people.”Amy: “Friendship will favor those who are bold enough to be rejected.” Links Mentioned: Last week’s episode (#180) with Dr. Noelle Santorelli on relational aggression and navigating exclusionA version of the Ashley Tisdale story on Today.comNina’s prior episode (#86) featuring Amy + JessAmy's “go where the love is” friendship poem Nina referenced, which can be found on Amy and Jess's Facebook group, Sister I am With You.Dr. Janice McCabe in the NYT on "friendship markets"Meet Amy Weatherly:Amy Weatherly is the co-founder with Jess Johnston of the viral page all about friendship, Sister, I Am with You. They coauthored the new book, Here For It and the Wall Street Journal bestseller I’ll Be There (But I’ll Be Wearing Sweatpants) Find Sister I am With You on: Facebook, Instagram, and on their Website.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question📪 email: [email protected]🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

This week I have a conversation with clinical psychologist Dr. Noelle Santorelli about belonging vs. (forced) inclusion, "mean mom" culture, and relational aggression. And guess what? I recorded this interview with Dr. Santorelli BEFORE the Ashley Tisdale “toxic mom group” article from The Cut was making its way around the internet.I had to re-record my intro to this episode because not addressing the article and the aftermath would have felt off considering our topic for this one. In our discussion, Dr. Noelle and I spoke about what’s really going on when adult friendships start to feel like middle school. We unpack the difference between actual cruelty versus simply not wanting to be friends anymore (those are not the same thing), and why covert behavior is so confusing and painful to experience.Dr. Noelle gives language to things many of us have felt but can’t quite name. She also offers some much-needed reminders to pause, regulate, and stop assuming every social slight has one clear explanation.We talk about:What relational aggression actually is and how it sometimes shows up quietlyBackhanded compliments, hot-and-cold behavior, gossip, exclusion, and “strategic withholding”The difference between being included and truly belonging (and why forced inclusion often backfires) Friendship love bombing and why we should slow down in new friendshipsOne line from this episode that really stuck with me:“Forced inclusion creates fragile belonging.”I also share a very real story about spiraling after getting no response in a group text—and how sometimes the answer isn’t “they’re being mean,” rather it's: “this wasn’t the right time, place, or audience.”My biggest takeaway: focus on patterns, not incidents, regulate before reacting, and ask yourself why you want into a group that might not actually feel safe or aligned.Links Mentioned:A version of the Ashley Tisdale story on Today.comDr. Santorelli's Mean Girl Mom Survival GuideJoin the Dear Nina Facebook GroupMeet Dr. Noelle Santorelli:If you’ve ever found yourself deep in the drama of Mean Girls or Mean Girls in Motherhood (aka Mean Girl Moms), you’ve probably come across Dr. Noelle Santorelli on Instagram. A licensed clinical psychologist, Dr. Santorelli has spent the past 14 years in private practice and holds a position of adjunct faculty at Emory School of Medicine in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences.In her practice, she specializes in working with high-achieving women who’ve experienced early trauma or grew up in dysfunctional, toxic family environments—often with emotionally immature or narcissistic parents. She also has deep expertise in relational aggression across the lifespan, helping women navigate covert bullying from friends, family, and even the workplace. She helps break down the complexities of relational aggression, Mean Girl culture, and how to protect your peace in a world full of social landmines. Find Dr. Santorelli on Instagram and TikTok at @drnoellesantorelliALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question📪 email: [email protected]🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

For the first episode of 2026, I have my mom, Kathy Sackheim, in the studio for her 6th appearance on the podcast to help me answer a stack of listener questions straight from the Dear Nina inbox.We move quickly through a range of friendship dilemmas from listeners: milestone birthday expectationsuneven effortfriend group tensionan uncomfortable confrontationa group chat blowupreaching out after a long gap since the last hangoutand what to do when a friend’s choices leave you conflicted and/or burdened (We slightly disagreed about that last one!)My mom, at 80, brings decades of perspective and a refreshingly no-nonsense approach to friendship. We talk about being realistic without becoming resentful, staying nonjudgmental, knowing when to widen your circle instead of forcing a group dynamic to work, and why friends and romantic partners serve very different roles in our lives.This episode is thoughtful, candid, and practical—exactly what happens when I put a microphone in front of my mom and let her answer your questions honestly.PREVIOUS 5 EPISODES WITH MY MOM:Ep. #1. The Friend Who Will Only Text:Ep. #8. When Friends Ask Questions You Don’t Want to AnswerEp. #36. Widowhood and FriendshipEp. #50. How Friendships Change With Age, Overlooking Foibles, Dealing With Our Teens’ Friendships, and moreEp. #72. Grudges and Apologies in FriendshipsLINKED MENTIONED:Find the anonymous questions in the newsletter at dearnina.substack.comAsk an anonymous question The live episode in Chicago was Ep. #160Join the Dear Nina Facebook Group   ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question📪 email: [email protected]🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

It’s the annual end-of-year wrap-up, and my assistant producer Rebekah Jacobs is back for a behind-the-scenes look at what landed with listeners in 2025 and why.The themes we keep coming back to on Dear Nina aren’t “college friends” or “mom friends” or “work friends.” It’s all of the above and more. The need to be chosen, to belong, to be wanted, and the sting when we don’t feel it—this is ageless and timeless.HIGHLIGHTS:We reveal the top 5 cities and top 5 counties where you’re listening to Dear Nina.The top 5 episodes of 2025 and why we think they resonated.We reflect on the hardest and easiest 2025 Friendship Challenges (which we’re officially retiring!)And we talk about our biggest moments of the year—including the Chicago live show—and what's coming up in 2026.LINKS MENTIONED:Episodes Highlighted as Top of 2025Ep. 143 — The Law of Rejection in Friendships (with Harlan Cohen)Ep. 146 — Tolerate Uncertainty & Stop the Overthinking Spiral (with Dr. Jackie Henry)Ep. 132 — The Four Types of Connection (with Dr. Adam Dorsay)Ep. 148 — Tricky Friendship Etiquette for the Modern Digital Age (with Daniel Post Senning of the Emily Post Institute)Ep. 151 — Myths Around Adult Friendships (with Jazzmyn Proctor of The Visibility Standard Podcast)Other Dear Nina Episodes MentionedEp. 160 — Live Show in Chicago (The final poem I read was from author Amy Weatherly of “Sister, I am With You.” It can be found on their Facebook page, here. You can also hear Amy and Jess on Dear Nina, episode #86.)Ep. 172 — What BEACHES Gets Right About FriendshipThe Dear Nina Friendship ChallengesThe 12 friendship challenges MEET REBEKAH JACOBS:Rebekah Jacobs is the assistant producer of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship and a writing professor who lives in Bethesda, Maryland, with her husband and three kids.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question📪 email: [email protected]🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

Finding Your People in College Takes Longer Than You Think. At some schools its even a structural problem. As students come home between semesters, some parents might be worried about kids who haven't "found their people" yet. But it's so normal for friendships to take time to form! And even when it feels like "everyone else has a group," those groups often continue to change. I spoke to Dr. Janice McCabe an associate professor of sociology at Dartmouth College, the President of the Sociology of Education Association, and the author of two books: Making, Keeping, and Losing Friends: How Campuses Shape College Students Networks and Connecting in College: How Friendship Networks Matter for Academic and Social Success, about why friendship feels easy for some students and painfully hard for others. We dig into the idea of friendship markets—when they’re open, when they’re closed, and how to recognize the difference. We also talk about why clinging to the first friends you meet can actually make things harder and why the structures a school puts in place (the way dorms are organized or the types of orientation activities offered) can make a big difference in those early months. We also discussed the three common friendship network styles Dr. McCabe highlights in her research.More than anything, this episode is a reminder that friendship is a process and that there is always another opportunity ahead to meet new people, even when it feels like everyone is settled in their groups.Links mentioned:Making, Keeping, and Losing Friends: How Campuses Shape College Students Networks Connecting in College: How Friendship Networks Matter for Academic and Social Success Episode #112: Navigating Friendships During College Admissions with guest Kate ProgerEpisode #115: "Use the Freshmen Energy Trick to Make New Friends as an Adult" Meet Dr. Janice McCabe:Dr. Janice McCabe is an associate professor of sociology and women’s, gender, and sexuality studies and the Allen House Professor at Dartmouth College. She teaches courses on the sociology of gender, youth, education, social problems, and research methods at Dartmouth. Dr. McCabe is the President of the Sociology of Education Association (SEA). Her books, Making, Keeping, and Losing Friends: How Campuses Shape College Students Networks (University of Chicago Press, 2025) and Connecting in College: How Friendship Networks Matter for Academic and Social Success (University of Chicago Press, 2016), focus on friendship networks and identities during college and into young adulthood. She is interested in how gender, race/ethnicity, and social class operate as social identities and how they shape social networks. Her research has been covered, among other places, in the Washington Post, Time magazine; NPR, New York Magazine, and the Boston Globe. Connect with Dr. McCabe on LinkedIn.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question📪 email: [email protected]🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

This week’s episode is a bonus! I’m sharing a conversation from when I was a guest on Dr. Adam Dorsay’s podcast, SuperPsyched. I don’t usually repost my own guest interviews, but I’m starting to sprinkle them in the feed because when I’m not the host, different things come out. Different angles. Different stories. Perhaps an even more direct way to discuss making and keeping friends. This interview was one of my favorites!Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist and executive coach in Silicon Valley, and he’s also the author of the book, SuperPsyched. You’ll hear pretty quickly why I loved talking with him.In this conversation, we get into the real-life, practical stuff!THE HIGHLIGHTS:How to make plansNot chasing friend groupsThe power of phone callsTo tease or not to tease?The middle path between "breaking up" and staying friendsAssuming the bestMismatched energy in friendshipsWhat “reciprocity” does (and does not) meanWhat to do when a friend never asks about youThe mindset shift that makes friendship feel less exhausting and more empoweringLINKS MENTIONED:Dr. Adam's episode on Dear Nina where HE was the guest: Ep. #132: "The Four Types of Connection"Dr. Adam's book!The SuperPsyched PodcastMORE ABOUT DR. ADAM DORSAYDr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist and executive coach in Silicon Valley where he serves high-achieving adults (including professionals, executives, entrepreneurs, and professional athletes). Adam is the host SuperPsyched, an award-winning podcast with over 200 episodes available on all platforms. He has given two highly regarded TEDx Talks: one about men and their emotions and the other about friendship in adulthood and his book on the topic of the four ways people connect is available on October 1, 2024.Beyond his private practice, Adam is a resiliency expert who co-created an international program for Facebook’s Online Safety employees for several years. He now serves as the resiliency consultant to DigitalOcean and has frequent requests from the media for interviews. He has provided keynotes and trainings to multiple corporations and organizations, including Microsoft, Linkedin, and the California Psychological Association.He is happily married, the father of young boys, and he has a hypoallergenic 33-pound Australian Labradoodle therapy dog named Raffi, who lives at his home and works at his office.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question📪 email: [email protected]🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

I’m finally tackling a topic I’ve been wanting to cover for a long time: how divorce affects our friendships. Today's episode addresses both sides of this question--whether you’re the one going through a divorce or you’re watching a friend go through it. Either way, the social fallout can feel confusing, lonely, and awkward.I’m joined by Hope Lutz Firsel, a women’s life coach who specializes in divorce. Hope has seen every version of this experience up close. She’s guided countless women through the emotional, logistical, and social upheaval of ending a marriage, and she’s been through it herself. Hope understands how divorce doesn’t just end a partnership—it shakes up an entire social world.In our conversation, we talk about the surprising grief that comes with losing not just a spouse but the life you imagined, the routines you relied on, and the community that once felt automatic. Hope explains why some friendships tighten instantly while others slip away, and how to tell the difference between a situational friendship and the kind that’s meant to evolve with you. We also get honest about why friends sometimes pull back and how to communicate what you actually need.If you’re navigating a divorce, if someone you love is, or if you simply want to be a steadier friend during someone else’s big life change, this episode offers clarity, compassion, and a grounded understanding of what this shift really feels like.MEET HOPE: Hope Lutz Firsel is a women’s life coach and divorce specialist who draws on her expertise in organizational change to help women navigate the emotional, financial, and logistical complexities of divorce—and rebuild their lives afterward with resilience, confidence, and grace.Having faced infertility, cancer, and divorce after an 18-year marriage, Hope brings deep empathy, clarity, and powerful mindset tools such as Rapid Resolution Therapy to help women rediscover their authentic selves and create fulfilling lives beyond divorce.Through her one-on-one coaching, group programs, workshops, and collaborations with family law professionals, Hope fosters safe, supportive spaces where women can heal, grow, and regain a sense of purpose. She frequently partners with divorce attorneys to educate and empower clients through webinars and community events.Based in Boca Raton, Florida, Hope works with clients nationwide and has helped countless women transform adversity into strength and self-assurance. Find Hope on Instagram, LinkedIn, and Facebook.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question📪 email: [email protected]🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

The final friendship challenge of the year is to write one friend a real letter. This was inspired by the novel I'm currently reading and loving--The Correspondent by Virginia Evans.Yes, it can be typed and even sent via email. But this NOT a text saying, “I hope you’re well" or "I miss you."Write an honest, thoughtful note saying:Here’s why you matter to me. . . OrI keep thinking about the time you . . . My year was better because you . . . I’m grateful for the way you. . . This memory still sticks with me because . . . It can be one paragraph, but it should be from the heart. If you’ve been following the challenges, this is the perfect finale. If you’re new, it’s a surprisingly easy way to deepen one friendship right now. This challenge doesn’t require making plans, arranging childcare, or leaving the house. This is all about a few sincere sentences that could make someone’s entire year.I also did a super-speed recap of all eleven previous challenges. So if you missed a few, you’ll catch up in minutes. And you’ll hear why I'm retiring the challenges for next year. (Not the podcast, just the challenges.)Make sure to visit me and fellow Dear Nina listeners in the Facebook Group or on my Substack newsletter to let us know you completed the task.Mentioned in this episode:Find all previous Dear Nina Friendship Challenges here.The Correspondent by Virginia EvansFind me at the Dear Nina Facebook group to report on what you did this month to bring some joy to a friend!ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

I'm thrilled to welcome Dr. Ben Rein, neuroscientist and author of Why Brains Need Friends: The Neuroscience of Social Connection. We discuss what friendship does to your brain and why loneliness is SO damaging over time. We cover why introverts still need connection (just in smaller “doses”), why ghosting and quiet quitting in friendships can land so harshly, what’s really behind jealousy when friends succeed, (plus how to override it), and the science of that instant “friendship chemistry” when you click with someone new.Dr. Rein also shares simple, practical ways to make others feel seen and ideas for being more intentional about your social life. This all for the sake of your mental and physical health. Don't miss this one!HIGHLIGHTS:Why all human brains—including introvert brains—need some social interaction, and how to figure out your “right dose.”How digital communication dulls empathy and makes ghosting and quiet quitting easier.Why being ignored or canceled on hits so hard at the neurological level.The real reason jealousy shows up between friends and how to override it.What’s happening in the brain when you instantly “click” with someone.How small, consistent social habits protect long-term physical and mental health.Simple behaviors that make you more likable and help others feel seen.Why repairing strained friendships is good for your well-being, not just your social life. LINKS:Why Brains Need Friends: The Neuroscience of Social Connection by Dr. Ben ReinI found one extroversion/introversion scale from Psychology Today. Ben’s introvert–extrovert self-assessment can be found as a pdf of the audiobook wherever you get your audiobooks or inside the book. You can also enter your email address here on his site and receive a copy.Find Ben on Instagram and TikTok @dr.benrein and at many other places, all linked on his website, benrein.com. MEET DR. BEN REIN:Ben Rein, PhD is an award-winning neuroscientist, author, and science communicator. He serves as the Chief Science Officer of the Mind Science Foundation, an Adjunct Lecturer at Stanford University, and a Clinical Assistant Professor at SUNY Buffalo. He has published over 20 peer-reviewed papers on the neuroscience of social behavior, and is the author of Why Brains Need Friends: The Neuroscience of Social Connection. Rein also shares educational neuroscience videos on social media to an audience of more than 1 million followers, and has been featured on Entertainment Tonight, Good Morning America and 75+ podcasts including StarTalk with Neil DeGrasse Tyson. His science communication efforts have been recognized with awards from the National Academies of Science, the Society for Neuroscience, and elsewhere.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question📪 email: [email protected]🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

The Real Work Behind Lifelong FriendshipThis week I’m joined by two women who accidentally went viral on social media, but they've been doing the real work of close friendship for over four decades. I'm a BIG fan and begged them to let me examine their friendship on the show. Meet Jenn Sherman (who you might know from Peloton) and Pam “Sunny” Sunshine who are the best friends behind the popular @sunnyandjenn accounts on TikTok and Instagram.Jenn and Pam's story is fun (truly wild TikTok origin included), but the real gold is how they’ve stayed close through many stages of life—college, moves, careers, parenting, vacations, losses, and now a shared business.If you’ve ever wondered why some friendships last and others quietly fade, this episode is packed with answers you can use with old friends and new friends alike.HIGHLIGHTS FROM OUR CONVERSATION:Why “luck” isn’t enough for close friendship — The role of effort, showing up, and consistency.Proximity matters — How living close (or “close enough”) keeps friendships alive. When making NEW friends, keep this in mind! Scheduling is everything — Coffee dates, beach days, girls’ trips: it's all about the calendar.The 200-hour rule — How friendships actually deepen over accumulated time.Cheering, not competing — Celebrating your friends' wins without jealousy.Handling conflict early — Sunny’s “lumpy rug” rule and why resentment ruins trust. Plus some other great "Sunnyisms."New friends later in life — Why it’s never too late for a deep connection.The viral TikTok moment — How a random street interview changed everything and a business was born.LINKS MENTIONED:Follow @sunnyandjenn on TikTok and Instagram Jenn on Peloton (if you’re a rider, you already know)Lindsay Pinchuk's Dear FoundHer community Sunny & Jenn's live show! Tickets for the December show in Aventura, Florida are here. The Beaches episode of Dear Nina where two psychology professors join me and producer, Rebekah Jacobs, to analyze CC Bloom and Hillary Whitney's friendship.MEET JENN SHERMAN AND PAM SUNSHINE:Sunny and Jenn are lifelong best friends turned content creators, sharing their journey with audiences on Instagram and TikTok. Friends for more than 40 years, they bring humor, honesty, and heart to everything they do — from wellness and midlife shifts to the everyday moments of friendship. Their platforms celebrate living authentically, laughing often, and reminding people that the best parts of life are meant to be shared.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question📪 email: [email protected]🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

You've arrived at the best academic nerd-out ever on the movie Beaches. Find out why CC Bloom and Hillary Whitney's instant friendship chemistry, breakups and makeups, and tear-jerker ending still wrecks us (in the best way). Is there something we can still learn in 2025 about making, keeping, and losing friends from this late 80s film? Absolutely. And professors of psychology agree!My assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs, and I were thrilled to dissect Beaches and its timeless lessons on friendship with psychology professors Paul Eastwick of UC Davis and Eli Finkel of Northwestern University. Paul and Eli are also the dream team behind the Love Factually podcast, where they explain what our favorite romantic films get right--and wrong--about the science of romance. For this episode of Dear Nina, they turned that laser focus to friendship instead. We examined CC & Hillary's iconic bond through research on conflict, jealousy, apologies, complementary roles, the “soulmate” mindset, and more. We laughed a lot too! Yes, we quote the department store fight. Yes, we talk about "Wind Beneath My Wings" and other unforgettable songs from the film. Yes, Rebekah wore a Bette + Barbara t-shirt. It’s peak friendship content with genuine lessons for your adult friendships. Don't miss this one! HIGHLIGHTS:What Beaches gets right about how close friends actually operate.Why the first apology flopped, what finally worked, and how to apologize like a grown-up.The “best friend” myth, challenged: You don’t need a single ride-or-die to have a rich friendship life.Do opposites attract? That's not backed by relationship science, but roles do emerge in most relationships.Why “I’ll hire a nurse” isn’t the same as “I’ll take care of you,” and how responsiveness deepens bonds.Anger is often a mask for hurt; naming the deeper feeling opens the door to repair.Forgiveness lands when both people agree a “debt” exists. Your romantic partner as your "best friend" might not be the best idea. How your beliefs about soulmates influences they way you're willing to work things out (or not)."Transformation of motivation" was a new term to Rebekah and to me, and we loved it. You'll have to listen to learn more! LINKS MENTIONED:The Love Factually podcast, hosted by Paul and EliThe White Lotus/Dear Nina episode where Nina and Rebekah discuss the friendship trioListen to the Beaches soundtrack on Spotify MEET THE PROFESSORS:Eli Finkel is a Professor of Psychology and Management at Northwestern University. He is the author of The All-Or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work, the founding co-director of the Litowitz Center for Enlightened Disagreement, and the co-host of the Love Factually podcast.Paul Eastwick is a Professor of Psychology at UC Davis and author of the forthcoming book Bonded by Evolution. His research and writing has been featured in outlets like The New York Times, The Atlantic, NPR, and Scientific American Mind, and he is a co-host of Love FactuallyMEET REBEKAH JACOBS:Rebekah Jacobs is the assistant producer of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship and a writing professor who lives in Bethesda, Maryland, with her husband and three kids.  ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question📪 email: [email protected]🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

This month’s friendship challenge is all about generosity, but not the kind that empties your wallet or the type that requires a special occasion like a birthday or holiday gift. Think thoughtfulness and the joy of letting friends know you're thinking of them for no reason whatsoever. It's generosity of time and spirit merely to show friends they matter to you.A small gesture can leave a big impact. In this short episode, I share a few stories of simple, meaningful gestures from friends that have stayed with me for years. Some of those gestures were in the form of an expected gift (like a novel or cookbook) and others were simply an offer to be there on an emotional day, sending a “this made me think of you” text, or sharing a photo or meme that made me smile. All the examples inspired me to do the same over the years.Doing something unexpected for a friend is the easiest challenge yet. Well, maybe writing your friends' birthdays in your calendar for April was even easier, but this one is up there.Whether you’re gifting a cookbook, sharing a poem, or sending a funny meme, this challenge is about reminding your friends that you’re thinking of them, not because you have to, but because you want to.AND, make sure to visit me and fellow Dear Nina listeners in the Facebook Group or on my Substack newsletter to let us know what you did or plan to do. Let's share ideas!As always, if this episode made you smile or inspired you, share it with a friend, leave a review, or post it to your story. That small act of generosity fits the challenge perfectly. :)MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:Find all previous Dear Nina Friendship Challenges here. Episode 170: "The Friend Who Really Sees You." This was my conversation with poet Hannah Rosenberg about friendship and her book SameCookbooks mentioned: Robyn sent Peas, Love, & Carrots. Julie sent Vegan At Times.Find me at the Dear Nina Facebook group to report on what you did this month to bring some joy to a friend! ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

"This made me think of you." Is there anything more delightful to hear from a friend? These are the words often written between friends when someone shares one of Hannah Rosenberg's (always viral!) poems from Instagram. And the incredible Hannah Rosenberg is my guest on Dear Nina. I was so excited to meet the woman behind the words I've been sharing in my own Instagram stories for years. Hannah is the author of the poetry collection, Same, from St. Martin's Press, and her work about friendship, motherhood, and everyday life has made thousands of people online say or write “same” in the comments or when they share her work.Together Hannah and I dive into what it actually means to feel seen, and how to make your friends feel seen. Hannah reads some of her most-shared friendship poems. There are tears (the good kind). And it’s a warm, genuine conversation about connection, vulnerability, and the friendships that quietly save us.Topics we cover:The meaning behind “Same” and how it became a viral poetry movementWhy adult friendship deserves real rituals and recognitionHow to bridge distance and stay close when life changesThe difference between being comforting and being dismissiveFriendship poems that say what we all feel but can’t quite expressPoems & passages mentioned“When I Needed My Friends” “Group Text”“Home (for Katie)”  “Marriage of Friends” MEET HANNAH ROSENBERG:Hannah Rosenberg is a poet whose work has been shared widely online, and she has been featured in publications serving women and parents like Darling and In Kind. She lives in the greater Philadelphia area with her husband and daughter, who often find themselves as the subjects of her poems. You can find her work on Instagram @hannahrowrites. Learn more at hannahrowrites.comALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

Want a social gathering for making new friends or deepening friendships that’s not a book club, not mahjong, not a cooking club, not pickleball—just high-level, soul-filling conversation? Enter "the salon."Linda-Marie Barrett, author of Creating a Salon: The Magic of Conversations that Matter, shows us exactly how to plan a modern salon: who to invite (and who not to), how to set a clear purpose, what to do about dominant talkers, and why ending well matters as much as beginning well.If this episode nudges you to start a salon, tell me how it goes. What did you try? What surprised you? What will you tweak next time? All the ways to find me are in the link below.What we coverWhat a salon is (and isn’t): an intentional, guided conversation on a themeWhy salons help friendship: they deepen bonds and create new ones by giving everyone structured airtime.Hosting with with authority and kindness: Linda-Marie and I talk timers, bells, and how to intervene when someone is taking over to make sure everyone in the group has a chance to participate.Designing the experience: purpose, people, place, ground rules, accessibility, potluck flow, parking and a thoughtful way close the evening.Trouble spots: late arrivals, phones on the table, oversharing, and the art of the one-on-one follow-up.A complete sample format of a salon you can lift for your first salon.MEET LINDA-MARIE BARRETT:Linda-Marie Barrett is a writer, editor, and executive director of the Southern Independent Booksellers Alliance (SIBA). Before that, she was at Malaprop’s Bookstore/Cafe, where she wore many hats, including events manager and founder and host of a book club that continues today, Women In Lively Discussion or WILD. She has been hosting her Black Swan Salon since 2017 and has no plans to ever stop. She lives with her husband, writer and blogger Jon Mayes, in Asheville, North Carolina. Find her on Facebook and Instagram.  ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

Ever feel like your friendships are trapped in the very general "how are you?" catch-up loop? Award-winning journalist Jonah Kaplan joins me to talk about moving from small talk to something more substantive that feeds connection. Jonah has spent two decades covering difficult stories for CBS and WCCO, and he’s learned that the best conversations—on camera or off—come from curiosity, empathy, and follow-up questions that go beyond the obvious.In a world of quick texts, busy schedules, and constant scrolling, it’s easy to keep friendships at the surface level. But the friendships that truly sustain us are the ones with depth. Related to the October friendship challenge for Dear Nina listeners, Jonah is an excellent guide for asking questions that bring conversations to another level.WE COVER:How to reframe small talk (try “What surprised you most about your trip?” instead of “How was it?”)Creating connection through conversation: don’t wait for invitations—initiateReading the room so vulnerability feels safe, not forcedWhy men need deeper conversations, tooHow honest conflict can make a friendship strongerThe power of mixed-age friendships to keep you growingWhat friendship and journalism have in commonMEET JONAH KAPLAN:Jonah Kaplan is an award-winning journalist (and the son of two rabbis!) who has built a strong reputation for his balanced reporting, thoughtful interviews, and deeply researched coverage of high-impact issues affecting the community. His work appears on all of WCCO's newscasts and is often featured on CBS News' programs and platforms, including the CBS Evening News, CBS Mornings and CBS 24/7. (See Jonah's full bio at cbsnews.com/team/jonah-kaplan/). Find him on Facebook or on 'X' at @JonahPKaplan.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

You're probably not asking your friends enough questions. This month’s Friendship Challenge is simple but powerful: ask your friends more questions. (Way more than you think you should.) Trust me, people notice when you're not asking questions.One of my most viral TikToks from last fall was when I talked about "the friend who never asks about you." It has over 90K views and over 400 comments. People had NEGATIVE feelings and lots to say about friends who don't ask questions. To help us all do better with asking questions, I discussed one chapter from a book I loved earlier this year called Talk: The Science of Conversation and the Art of Being Ourselves by Harvard Business School professor Alison Wood Brooks.This month's challenge is about getting curious about your friends, deeply curious. Most of us think we ask plenty of questions, but research shows we don’t.To help you get started: Ask more questions than feels natural.Stick with follow-ups instead of jumping from topic to topic.Use what questions at first more than why to avoid being intrusive, but you can move to why eventually.Listen. Listening is how you know what follow-up questions to ask next.When you’re interested, you become interesting.And hey, as June’s challenge reminded us, it’s okay to ask for a favor. So here’s mine: Please share an episode with a friend (just maybe not THIS one if you’re trying to send a message as that's too passive-aggressive 😉).Find all the 2025 Friendship Challenges at DearNina.Substack.com.LINKS AND RESOURCES:2025 Dear Nina Friendship Challenge overviewGreat book on the art of conversation! Talk: The Science of Conversation and the Art of Being Ourselves by Alison Wood BrooksALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

A good apology can save a friendship; a bad one can torch it. And yes, our friends will mess up. As will we! That's why learning to say "I'm sorry" (and why!), accept an apology, and even ask for a better apology if the one you got was "off" are all important skills in maintaining and deepening your friendships.In this episode of Dear Nina, I spoke to author and journalist Marjorie Ingall, co-author with Susan McCarthy of Sorry, Sorry, Sorry: The Case for Good Apologies (released in paperback as Getting to Sorry: The Art of Apology at Work and at Home) and co-creator of SorryWatch.com.Marjorie walks us through the six essential steps of a good apology and the “half step” people often forget. We discussed why bad apologies are worse than none at all, and how the timing of an apology can make or break it. Whether you’re struggling to say sorry, waiting for an apology that may never come, or wondering how to truly forgive, this conversation offers practical tools you can bring into your friendships right away.We also explore:The difference between guilt and shame, and how each affects friendships.Why accepting an apology can be just as challenging—and important—as giving one.When it’s okay (and even healthy) to ask for an apology you feel you’re owed.Why rushing to apologize can actually backfire.The power of letters—both to give an apology and to solicit one.How forgiveness (when possible) benefits not just the friendship, but your own health and peace of mind.We also touch on the Jewish High Holidays as a time of reflection and repair, how apologies evolve as we age, and what Marjorie's favorite children’s book, A Bargain for Frances, can teach all of us about navigating imperfect friendships. LINKS AND RESOURCES: The ten days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom KippurEp. #34 of Dear Nina: Reconnecting with an Ex-FriendThe six steps of a good apology on sorrywatch.com"Waiting for an Apology That Will Never Come" (Nina's 2014 article on Kveller)A Bargain for Frances by Russell HobanMEET MARJORIE INGALLMarjorie Ingall is the co-author, with Susan McCarthy, of Sorry, Sorry, Sorry: The Case for Good Apologies (released in paperback as Getting To Sorry) and co-creator of the apology watchdog site SorryWatch.com. She’s also the author of Mamaleh Knows Best: What Jewish Mothers Do to Raise Successful, Creative, Empathetic, Independent Children. She often writes about children’s books for the New York Times Book Review and has written for many other magazines and newspapers, including Tablet and The Forward — she was a columnist for both — as well as Town & Country, Glamour, Self, Ms., Elle, New York, Time, and Newsweek. Back in the day, she was the senior writer and books editor at the late, lamented Sassy Magazine. Find Marjorie on Facebook and Bluesky.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

Different choices, same friendships—if you’re willing to speak up.This week on Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship, I talk with bestselling author Dani Alpert, who has always known she didn’t want children. While her five best friends all married and had kids, Dani carved out a different life. The result? Decades of navigating friendships where communication was extra necessary to keep resentment and misunderstanding at bay. Dani says it took a lot work, but she did not want to lose these important relationships and every hard discussion with close friends was worth the effort.Dani has advice for listeners that goes beyond whether you have kids or not. Many areas of life and the decisions we make can set us apart from the path our friends chose. No matter the "topic," communication and honesty is key. There's no other way to hold onto the friendships that matter to you. Whatever the difference is between you and your friends, Dani’s wisdom applies: speak up, be honest, and trust that the right friends will stick.Listen to my conversation with Dani for a funny, candid, and deeply relatable episode about friendship across different life paths.HIGHLIGHTS:The resentment that can build when your life path looks different from your friends’ choicesWhy it’s so important to actually say the uncomfortable things out loud to friendsHow true friends will hear you, even if your words come out messyThe loneliness that can creep in when “everybody” seems to be living a life you didn’t choose. For Dani the example is being child-free by choice, but this can apply to so many paths.Why naming your needs sooner (but also knowing it’s never too late) can save a friendshipWe also squeezed in a quick few minutes and doing art (writing, etc.) because you're passionate about it, not because you're expecting a certain outcome in sales or attention.MEET DANI ALPERT:Dani Alpert is the best-selling author of Hello? Who Is This? Margaret?—a new collection of humorous essays—and the memoir, The Girlfriend Mom, winner of the 2020 Story Circle Network Gilda Award for comedy, honoring Gilda Radner. Her work appears in numerous outlets. Dani spent decades working in theater, television, and film, performing, writing, and directing. She’s a Pilates instructress and advocate for the Down syndrome community. Dani’s first headshot was her mugshot taken after being arrested for tagging when she was a juvenile. She’s been trying to reclaim those glory days ever since. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

New parenthood can be isolating and full of unspoken (or spoken!) pressures. But those early years are not only about the challenges. There are opportunities too! For one, being at a drastically new stage of life is a common time for making friends who are going through similar experiences. I spoke to Alex Reed, a new-ish mom (at least compared to me--a mom for two decades), a tech-industry pro, and the creator behind Roses & Radicchio, an Instagram account and newsletter that celebrates connections that make life meaningful.Alex and I discussed: Practical ways to meet other momsWhy community is one of the most protective things for perinatal and postpartum mental healthStaying part of a community matters, even if your close friends do not come from these groups and activities. Acquaintances can become friends, connectors, or lifelines later (school, camps, emergencies).Using small, low-cost asks when you spot a potential new mom friend: “I’m going to the park tomorrow, want to join?” Short time windows might feel more doable.How to spot a new-mom-friend judgement issue early and stop the comparison cycleAccepting different parenting and new-parent socializing styles (turning outward for a bigger network vs turning inward to a small circle)The importance of keeping connections with friends who do not have kidsRemembering social media can amplify shame and false “shoulds”AND NOTE: If you’re struggling, community helps but professional support is so important. If you’re worried about postpartum depression or anxiety, seek help.This isn’t a “you must do X” to make new mom friends conversation. This is all about advice and empathy for a potentially lonely season of life. LINKS & RESOURCES:Roses & Radicchio--Alex's Instagram account and newsletterA few other parenting episodes on DEAR NINA (mostly aimed at parents with teens): #2. When Your Friend’s Kid is Being Mean to Your Kid; #59. Difficult Teen Friendships & Parent Involvement; #86. Every Friendship Starts With an Act of Bravery; #91. Helping Kids Manage Conflict With Friends; #59. Teaching Kindness Without Forcing FriendshipsModern Friendship by Anna Goldfarb is a book Alex and I both loved. Anna was also featured on several episodes of Dear Nina, most recently #126."The Search for the Perfect Stroller is Really a Search for Control" (I first had this published in Brain, Child Magazine in 2015 and later re-published in Scary Mommy in 2021.)The Peanut app MEET ALEX REED:Alex is a gathering enthusiast, photographer, tech professional, and toddler mom who brings creativity and connection into everyday life. Outside her day job at a Fortune 50, she runs Roses & Radicchio, a lifestyle Instagram and Substack where she shares approachable tips for elevated entertaining, vintage treasure hunts, food and flower creations, and current reads. Passionate about conversations around adult female friendships, Alex uses her platform to celebrate the connections that make life meaningful. She lives in Northern Virginia, just outside Washington, D.C., with her husband, energetic toddler, and their allergy-prone French bulldog.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

What happens when we carry shame into our friendships? How does it keep us apart? How does it connect us deeply to others? I spoke with author Melissa Petro, whose book, SHAME ON YOU: How to Be a Woman in the Age of Mortification, delves into the complex relationship between shame, identity, and connection. Together we explore how unacknowledged shame affects our ability to form deep, meaningful relationships. Melissa shares her story of working in the sex industry to beginning a career as a writer and an art teacher in New York City and eventually becoming the subject of public scrutiny in many media headlines. She explains how carrying a “concealable, stigmatized identity” weighed on her and how she learned to navigate the delicate process of sharing her story with potential new friends.Our conversation touches on the importance of moving beyond shame, why sharing our stories can foster closeness, and how to be a supportive listener when someone else opens up.HIGHLIGHTS:Why unacknowledged shame can create distance in friendshipsDeciding when and how to share personal secretsHow to respond supportively when friends confide in youMoving past labels and seeing friends as multi-dimensionalPractical ways to foster deeper, more authentic connectionsLINKS & RESOURCES:Episode 95: “Over Talking, Under Talking and Lessons for Friendship and the Art of Storytelling” (with Micaela Blei)Episode 4: “Revealing Too Much Too Soon” (with Christie Tate)MEET MELISSA PETRO:Melissa Petro a cultural journalist, book coach, harm reduction activist and author of SHAME ON YOU: How to Be a Woman in the Age of Mortification, published last fall by Putnam Books, a division of Penguin Random House. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

This month’s Dear Nina Friendship Challenge taps into the fresh-start energy of September to help you quiet the inner bully telling you you're awkward or not desired and dial up your inner bestie. I'm joined by Leslie Randolph, certified coach and TEDx speaker, who helps adults, tweens, and teens cultivate self-confidence that sticks. Leslie and I break down self-confidence as a skill (not a genetic lottery prize). We encourage listeners to take courageous action even with fear present. And we discuss practical ways to reframe the stories you tell yourself so you can make and keep adult friendships at any stage of life.Find a "how to" for September's challenge at dearnina.substack.com.LINKS & RESOURCES:2025 Dear Nina Friendship Challenge overviewMy guest spot on Leslie's podcast, Why Didn't They Tell Us? ("Friendship and Fitting In")Dear Nina episode #115: "The Freshmen Energy Trick For Making New Friends As An Adult" MEET LESLIE RANDOLPH:Leslie Randolph is a certified life coach committed to helping tweens and teens cultivate self-confidence. Leslie’s approach is rooted in the belief that self-confidence is not a genetic lottery ticket, but a choice you make and a skill you can develop. Her coaching teaches teens how to set meaningful goals, mindfully manage emotions, develop a growth mindset, and talk to and treat themselves with compassion along the way. Leslie’s proven strategies and supportive approach empowers adolescents to ditch doubt and overcome anxiety so they can unlock their true potential.When not coaching, Leslie is a motivational and TEDx speaker, a workshop facilitator, and the host of Why Didn’t They Tell Us?, an inspirational podcast where she shares the lessons she learned late in life so others can know better . . . sooner.Learn more at confidencecoachforgirls.com or follow along at The Coach Chronicles on Instagram and Facebook. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

What should we expect from friends when we launch a new business or creative project like a book or a new company? Bestselling author Jackie Friedland joins me to wrestle with the messy feelings of disappointment, obligation, vulnerability, and gratitude that come with asking friends for support.Jackie opens up about the rollercoaster of releasing five books—sometimes surrounded by cheering friends and other times left disappointed. We talk about planning events, the strange universe of social media “likes,” asking for reviews, and why acquaintances and strangers sometimes show up more than our closest friends and family.If you’ve ever felt stung when friends (and family) didn’t show up for your “big thing,” or if you’ve struggled with how much to ask of the people you love, this episode will leave you feeling seen, understood, and maybe a little lighter. WE DISCUSS:The gap between the support we hope for from close friends and the support we actually get.Why acquaintances and even strangers often step up more than close friends.How much “obligation” belongs in friendship when someone is launching a creative or entrepreneurial project.The delicate balance between asking for support and fearing you’re being pushy.Social media support: why it feels so personal when friends scroll past our posts.Practical ways to be direct without being demanding—what you can reasonably ask of friends, and what might be unfair.LINKS MENTIONED:Jackie's newest novel is Counting BackwardsFind Jackie on Facebook, Instagram, and on her WebsiteDear Nina: The Group on Facebook MEET JACKIE FRIEDLAND:Jacqueline Friedland is the USA Today and Amazon bestselling author of both historical and contemporary women’s fiction. A graduate of the University of Pennsylvania and NYU Law School, she practiced as a commercial litigator for as long as she could stand it. She then returned to school to earn her Masters of Fine Arts in creative writing from Sarah Lawrence College and has been writing ever since.Jackie’s books have been awarded the 2020 and 2021 gold medals in fiction from Readers’ Favorite. Her novels have also been named the 2021 Kirkus Reviews Best Indie Book of the Year, the SheReads Best Book Club Pick of 2021, and the Women’s Fiction Writers Association Star finalist for 2022. She regularly reviews fiction for trade publications and appears at schools and other locations as a guest lecturer. Her fifth novel, Counting Backwards, was released by Harper Muse in March 2025.Jackie lives in Westchester, New York with her husband, four children, and two dogs. You can find her on Instagram @jackiefriedland, on Facebook @JacquelineFriedlandAuthor or through her website www.jacquelinefriedland.com. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

My dream for "Dear Nina" has always been to make people feel less alone in the messy parts of friendship. Episode #160 was our first-ever LIVE show with 120 people in the room—and wow, you could feel the energy, see the heads nodding, and appreciate the camaraderie of an audience who has experienced the highs and lows of friend groups.Friend groups are complicated. They can be the source of safety, belonging, and joy. But they can also be a source of exclusion, hurt, and longing. With my assistant producer and friend, Rebekah Jacobs, we dug into the messy, funny, and universal realities of friend groups from middle school cafeterias to mahj tables and even to the dining hall at the assisted living center.Why do groups feel so good AND so painful? Do you really need one to belong? And how do you help your kids (or yourself) when a group just isn’t working? This episode has laughter, applause, and some tough-but-true advice: go where the love is.LINKS MENTIONED:Dear Nina Newsletter (dearnina.substack.com)Facebook: Dear Nina: The GroupDr. Lisa Damour on Dear Nina, episode #65Gretchen Rubin on Dear Nina, episode #96My episode on Leslie Randolph's podcast, "Why Didn't They Tell Us?" episode #63: "Friendships and Fitting In""Is There a Gentle Way to Drop a Friend" episode 156 of the Ask Lisa PodcastThe final poem I read was from author Amy Weatherly of "Sister, I am With You." It can be found on their Facebook page, here. You can also hear Amy and Jess on Dear Nina, episode #86.SPECIAL THANK YOU to our North Shore live show sponsors & partners!🍹 @drinktwistedalchemy – cold-pressed juices at the bar🥂 @inspirotequila – crafted the signature cocktails🍰 @glickmanlevyresidential – sponsored the gorgeous dessert bar👗 @enazboutique – donated 15% of sales to the National Pediatric Cancer FoundationAnd thank you to these generous companies for contributing to the swag bags and/or the raffle!@workflowsbyronna, @dr.julia.milman, @glickmanlevyresidential, @kiddlessports, @lainetoo, @maijamartinphotography, @ohhappydayconfections, @pvolvedeerfield, @get_rootz, @rosshighlandpark, @talacoffeeroasters, @enazboutiqueALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

As parents, we all want our kids to be kind, inclusive, and compassionate. But what about when your child simply isn’t interested in a friendship? How do you balance kindness with their right to choose who they spend time with?This week, I revisit one of my earliest and most-loved conversations with award-winning author Jessica Speer, whose books help kids and tweens navigate the tricky terrain of friendships, including BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends)? and Middle School--Safety Goggles Advised.This isn’t just a tween and teen conversation. It's about us as parents. Many of us have been on both sides: watching our kids be left out and watching them leave someone else out. And just like in adult friendships, chemistry matters.Jessica shares practical language for kids to politely say “no,” stories from her own parenting experience (including a birthday party that went sideways from over-inclusion), and the importance of helping kids identify and grow healthy friendships.If you’ve ever wondered how to raise a kind kid who also has strong boundaries without becoming the parent who micromanages every friendship, this episode is for you.WE TACKLE:Teaching kids to treat others with dignity and warmth without sending the message they must be friends with everyone.Understanding “shared spaces” (the lunchroom or a sports team) versus private time (a sleepover or weekend hangout).The “romantic relationship” analogy: why we’d never force our kids to date someone they weren’t interested in, but often push friendships in that exact way.How to help kids gracefully decline plans without ghosting or hurting feelings unnecessarily.Recognizing when our own parental fears--especially about what other parents might think--are driving our actions.Why being overly included can backfire, and how too much forced inclusion can prevent kids from finding genuine, mutual friendships.LINKS & RESOURCES:Ep #73: "I'm Just Not Into This Friendship" with guest Ruchi Koval.Ask an anonymous question"What if My Kid is the Mean One" the August anonymous question on dearnina.substack.com. MEET JESSICA SPEER:Jessica Speer is the award-winning author of books for kids and teens, including The Phone Book – Stay Safe, Be Smart, and Make the World Better with the Powerful Device in Your Hand, BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends)? A Girls Guide to Happy Friendships and Middle School – Safety Goggles Advised.Blending social science, stories, and activities, her writing guides readers through tricky stuff that surfaces during childhood and adolescence. She holds a Master’s Degree in Social Sciences and has a knack for writing about complex topics in a way that connects with kids and teens. Jessica regularly contributes to media outlets on content related to kids, parenting, friendship, screens, and social-emotional learning. For more information, visit JessicaSpeer.com and Instagram @jessica_speer_author. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

The August Friendship Challenge on Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship is all about mixed-age friendships, and I’m grateful to dive into the topic with author Liz Alterman. Her latest novel, Claire Casey’s Had Enough, includes a beautiful friendship between a 46-year-old and a 78-year-old woman, which gave me the perfect reason to talk about why we all need a friend who’s not in our exact age and stage. August's challenge is to seriously consider having an older or younger friend in your life. (This might require a new routine or trying something other than what you're already doing week to week!)I’ve seen the benefits of intergenerational friendships in my own life. Sometimes I’m the younger friend, sometimes the older one, and both roles come with their own gifts. Liz and I talk about what it’s like to build and nurture these relationships.HIGHLIGHTS:Why mixed-age friendships can be a game changerHow Liz’s own intergenerational friendship with author Susan Roane (of How to Work a Room fame) and poet, Melissa Elder, influenced her work and her lifeThe push-and-pull of being the older or younger friend in a dynamic, and what each side uniquely brings to the tableHow to meet someone not in your age bracket (hint: try something new, say yes more often, and follow the chemistry)💡My biggest takeaway from this episode? You’re not going to meet a mixed-age friend by doing the same old things. You have to get out of your comfort zone, try something new, and follow the chemistry—then be brave enough to make a move.LINKS & RESOURCES:The May Friendship Challenge: The Power of Changing the Venue2025 Dear Nina Friendship Challenge overviewMEET LIZ ALTERMAN:Liz Alterman is the author of the award-winning memoir Sad Sacked and multiple thrillers. Her romcom Claire Casey's Had Enough includes an intergenerational friendship in which a forty-six-year-old and a seventy-eight-year-old inspire one another to remember the women they once were and the dreams they still hope to fulfill. Liz's essays and reported pieces have appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, Business Insider and more. She notes that while writing hasn't brought her fame or fortune, it's filled her life with enriching friendships that span generations. For more, visit her website and follow Liz on Instagram at @lizalterman.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

Amy Blumenfeld was in 8th grade when she was diagnosed with Hodgkin lymphoma. While the medical story is remarkable on its own (including Amy becoming the first adolescent with Hodgkin lymphoma to have an autologous bone marrow transplant at Memorial Sloan Kettering in NYC), what stayed with her deeply was how her community showed up for her family. Just one example: a group of friends and synagogue families created a full-length skit video—Amy Night Live—to lift her spirits during isolation. Her community's love, support, and generosity became the emotional backdrop of her storytelling and work for years to come.We talk about:How Amy’s real-life community inspired the fictional community and circle of friends in her debut novel The CastThe ripple effect of early illness on friendships, families, and even future partners, careers, and childrenHow illness can reshape your view of who matters and whyAmy's second novel, Such Good People, which explores childhood friendship and loyalty against the backdrop of the criminal justice systemThe complexities of loyalty when friends and family need you at the same timeThis conversation ties closely to my upcoming Dear Nina live event in Highland Park, Illinois, which will raise money for the National Pediatric Cancer Foundation. In the introduction of the episode I mention losing my nephew Joshua McFadden to DIPG, a form of brain cancer, in 2017. A portion of ticket sales and 15% of all sales at ENAZ stores on 7/31/25 (not just in Highland Park!) will go to this important cause.LINKS & RESOURCES:Joshua's story on NPCF's siteMy episode with brother-in-law (and my first podcast producer!), Dave DlugerAmy's books: The Cast and Such Good PeopleMEET AMY BLUMENFELD:Amy Blumenfeld is an award-winning author and journalist. She is a graduate of Barnard College of Columbia University and received a master’s degree from the Columbia University School of Journalism. Her articles and essays have appeared in various publications including the New York Times, The Huffington Post, O, The Oprah Magazine, as well on the cover of People. Amy’s debut novel, The Cast, was selected as a New York Post Best Book of the Week. She has contributed to three non-fiction books, including a USA TODAY bestselling anthology. Amy lives in New York with her husband and daughter. Such Good People is her second novel. Find Amy on Instagram @AmyBlumenfeldAuthor.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

It’s the four-year anniversary of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship! Whether you’ve been with me from the column that began in 2014, started with the first episode in 2021, stumbled in at episode 86, or you're new around here at #156—thank you. Thank you for caring about friendship on a deep level and for helping this podcast grow into something that’s helped me (and hopefully you) navigate the joys and messes of adult friendship.In this solo episode, I’m marking four years of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship with the four major lessons I’ve learned about friendship from hosting the show—and four lessons I’ve learned about podcasting along the way.And a special to thank you to my many fantastic guests!🎁 Anniversary Favor 🎁If Dear Nina has helped you in any way—big or small—please share your favorite episode with a friend or on social media. It’s the best way to keep the conversations going, and it means the world to me.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

After 31 years on the East Coast, Lisa Giordano decided (less than a year ago) to make a big move to Austin, Texas, with zero local contacts and a personal challenge to build a community and social life from scratch. In this upbeat conversation, Lisa tells us what really works (and what does not) when you’re starting over single in a brand-new city—or simply trying to make new friends right where you've lived for years. WHAT WE COVER:Admitting you want friends: Why naming the need out loud is the best thing to do.DMs & daily errands: The social media message and the post-office line that sparked Lisa’s first new friendships.The “one-plan” weekend rule: A realistic guardrail against both isolation and social burnout.Why nearby beats “perfect”: How living a few miles apart can matter more than instant chemistry.Mixed age friendships: The benefits of friendships with people in similar life stages but different ages.When you don't click: Not taking things too personally is essential to moving forward and finding new potential friends.Solo time as a skill: Creating intentional solo time so your happiness isn’t dependent on anyone else's schedule.It's never too late to make new friends: I shared a story about my mom's recent 80th birthday party. LINKS & RESOURCES:My episode on Lisa's podcast, SurthrivingEpisode #130 with Hallie Sawyer on "Sober Curiosity"Episode #115 on "Freshmen Energy" and making new friends as an adultLisa on Instagram and TikTokMEET LISA GIORDANO:After living in the northeast for all of her life, Lisa took a leap of faith at the age of 31 and moved cross country to Austin, Texas, without knowing anyone. Filling her car to the brim and driving across the country with her cat, she embarked on a new journey and decided to document it along the way. Lisa is a typical single 30-something building a life she thrives in. She makes lifestyle content and documents navigating her 30s, starting over, solo life, life in Austin, and anything else that inspires her! Find her on Instagram and TikTok and on her podcast, Surthriving.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

Ever feel that low-level hum of annoyance when a friend casually drops your (good or bad) personal news into the conversation? I have my fantastic "Dear Nina" assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs, with me this week to crack open a listener's anonymous letter about DISCRETION.Discretion is that gray zone between gossip and harmless chatter. Rebekah and I discuss how much we can expect friends to know intuitively what stays private and what's OK to share.We're not talking about friends who gossip incessantly about you or reveal a big secret. That's easier to answer! Keep THAT friend at arm's length.Discretion is another category entirely and we get to the bottom of it in less than 30 minutes.IN THIS CONVERSATIONThe blurry line between discretion and gossipExperiencing a friendship “tap on the shoulder vs. smack in the face”: learning from small slip-ups before they become big mess-upsNina’s mom’s reminder: Not every friend is a close friendPractical ways to decide what you can share, what you should share, and when to hit pauseWhy “share your truth” and “protect your privacy” don’t have to be oppositesA Jewish teaching on mindful speech that still works in the screenshot ageLINKS & RESOURCESAsk an anonymous questionEventbrite tickets to see Nina and Rebekah LIVE in Highland Park, IL: “From the Cafeteria to the Mahj Table: Friend-Group Challenges from Teens to Mid-Life and Beyond.” Tickets are going fast!White Lotus Friendship Trio episode with RebekahEpisodes with my mom as the guest if you want more of Kathy's advice.Episode #136 with Rebekah about finding your 3-5 closest friends. (Another letter spotlight episode)Episode #112 about college admissions and friendshipA bit more information about the laws of speech in Judaism MEET REBEKAH JACOBSRebekah has been a reading specialist and writing instructor for over 20 years, teaching in Boston, Chicago, DC, and Los Angeles. Currently, she teaches college writing in DC, and her own writing has been featured in Kveller. As assistant producer for Dear Nina, she is passionate about ideation and brainstorming creative concepts. She tries to read 80 books a year and loves TV—though, unlike Nina, cooking and tech are not her strong suit. She lives with her husband, three kids, and a golden doodle named Peanut.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

Ready to see where your friendships stand halfway through 2025? In this solo episode, I (very quickly!) round up the first six monthly challenges. Then I hand you three laser-focused questions to help you reflect, assess, tweak, and strengthen your connections for the rest of the year. Answer the 3 Questions This Week!Block 15 minutes.Jot down honest answers. And bullet points count!LINKS & RESOURCESJoin the Dear Nina Facebook Community to discuss wins and struggles from all the monthly challenges.Previous Monthly Challenges in the newsletter (Jan–June 2025)Episode #127, January: See a friend in person#131 February: Start a friendship ritual#135 March: Plan a hyper-local hangout#140 April: Put your friends' birthdays in your calendar#144 May: Change the venue where you spend time with a friend or change how you communicate#149 June: Ask a friend for a favorEpisode 121 about "Rules for Making Plans"ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: SINCERENOTES. SincereNotes is available to download free on Google Play and App store. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!