21: Individual or Separate Accounts in Marriage

Welcome to another episode of the Love How Deep Podcast with Brian & Heather Mayer!  Because money and finances can be a topic that generates a lot tension within a marriage relationship, we want to take some time to discuss one area that can cause issues.  It is the idea of having individual (separate) or shared (joint) accounts within the marriage.  Decades ago it was common for married couples to have a shared checking and savings account.  That trend has changed with Gen Y (often called Millennials – born between 1981-1996) and Gen Z (born between 1997 – 2012).     Heather are Brian are both Gen X (born between 1965 – 1980).  So of course we grew up in a generation where it is more standard to have joint accounts.  So all the being said we want to take an honest look at the pros and cons of each.  And as is typically important with us, getting underneath the surface to understand motives around why an individual or couple might want to choose a certain route will also be important.  Our podcast episode todays I really designed "question style" meaning we will talk about different areas around finances in your marriage but while we do so we will be giving you the important questions you should ask each other to begin a healthy journey around finances in your marriage.  Let's get started!  Childhood - Getting To Know Each's Other's Experiences with Money and Finances   1.        Were there money struggles growing up? 2.       How was money discussed by your parents?  Were the conversations around money and finances amicable or tense? 3.       Were there any financial calamities (for example did one of your parents lose a job unexpectedly)? 4.      Were there any financial betrayal (examples might be unknown gambling or large unknown purchases)? 5.       Was Tithing and Giving Important Talking to each other about these issues can help you both discover anything from your early years that could be shaping your viewpoints Past Relationships/Marriages 1.        How was money generally handled and discussed in past relationships?  2.       Did you have joint or separate accounts?  How did that work out? 3.       Was there trust, openness, and good communication? 4.      Were there any betrayals of trust around money? 5.       Was Tithing and Giving Important?     Current Goals, Practices, and Values 1.        What are our individual financial goals, and how do they align with our shared goals as a couple? 2.       How do we currently handle our finances, and what aspects are working or not working for us? 3.       How can we incorporate biblical principles into our financial decisions, and what scriptures resonate with our approach? 4.      Are there specific financial values or principles that we want to prioritize in our marriage? 5.       Are we Tithing? Trust 1.        Do each of us generally trust one another?  Has anything happened especially around finances that needs to be repaired between us as a married couple? 2.       How comfortable are we with sharing full financial transparency, including income, debts, and spending habits? 3.       Are there specific concerns or fears about joint or separate accounts that we need to address? 4.      What level of financial independence do we desire within our marriage? Managing Our Money 1.        In what ways can combining or separating our finances enhance our ability to reach our financial goals together? 2.       Are there specific concerns or fears about joint or separate accounts that we need to address? 3.       How do we feel about contributing unequally to joint expenses, and how will we navigate potential disparities in income? 4.      What financial responsibilities do we want to manage individually, and which ones do we prefer to handle jointly? 5.       How do we plan to handle discretionary (non-essential) spending, and what should require joint decision-making? 6.      Do we have a system for saving and budgeting, and how can joint or separate accounts support these practices? 7.      How do we envision handling financial challenges or unexpected expenses within our marriage? 8.      If we are not tithing or giving less than 10%, should we make a plan to change that? 9.      If we are not giving to others, let's talk about the importance of that for each of us. Communication and a Financial Advisor 1.        How will we communicate and make decisions about large purchases, investments, or financial commitments? 2.       Have we considered consulting with a financial advisor to help us make informed decisions about joint or separate accounts? 3.       Are there specific financial values or principles that we want to prioritize in our marriage that are not noted above? 4.      How do we plan to revisit and adjust our financial arrangement as our circumstances and goals evolve? 5.       What compromises are we willing to make to ensure that our financial arrangement supports a healthy and harmonious marriage around finances? Conclusion Trust and Communication are two very important pieces around finances.  If you don't have either one of those then coming to conclusions and compromise around finances might be difficult.   Obstacles and difficult seasons will always come up but with trust and communication it will be much easier to navigate.  Remember, Heather and I believe in the power of prayer and God's Word when it comes to finances and working together in your marriage.  Here are some key verses that have helped us along the way.  Incorporate these as you work together and find others the resonate with you.    1.        "Honor the Lord with your wealth, with the first fruits of all your crops; then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine." Proverbs 3:9-10 2.       "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:21 (NIV) 3.       "And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19 (NIV):   Free Resource Get the FREE "Goal Setting 301 Financial Goals Workbook" This workbook will help you define what is important to each of you financially. Then you can come together to discuss and make agreements on what you want to work toward together. Remember when you are aligned financially, trust is built and your future can be much more secure. We should always remember that God is the one in whom we should find ultimate security, and so make sure to include Him in everything you do. Closing Thanks for tuning in! We appreciate your time. Stay tuned for our next episode.