214 Defying Mononormativity with @Polyamarla

When we step outside established relationship norms, we're not just changing our dating lives—we're challenging entire paradigms that shape how we see the world. In this episode, we welcome Marla Schreiber, author of the new book Non-Monogamy and Defying a Paradigm, to discuss what it truly means to question and move beyond mononormativity. Marla brings a fresh perspective as someone who's been practicing polyamory since 2005, when resources were scarce and community was hard to find. Their journey offers valuable insights for anyone questioning relationship structures or feeling constrained by societal expectations. Paradigm shifts aren't just intellectual exercises—they're deeply personal transformations that require courage, patience, and a willingness to exist in uncertainty. Whether you're considering non-monogamy or simply questioning other societal norms, this conversation offers wisdom about the challenging but rewarding process of creating your own path. In this episode, we talk about: — What paradigms are and why they're so difficult to challenge — The humbling experience of trying to create new relationship structures without established models — How mono-normativity is embedded not just in our social world but in legal systems and economic structures — Why it takes 3-5 years (or more!) to truly begin shifting paradigms — The scarcity model that underlies mono-normativity and how it affects our sense of security — Why "exclusivity" often stands in for deeper values and needs that can be met in other ways — How couples privilege operates and why it's challenging to recognize when you're benefiting from it — The courage required to question your approach, even after years of practice — Why defiance can be a powerful tool when challenging established norms — The importance of staying in the "unknown" rather than rushing to create new rigid structures Resources mentioned in this episode: — Marla Schreiber's new book Non-Monogamy and Defying a Paradigm — Marla’s socials: @PolyaMarla — Marla's newsletter at polyamarla.com — The new edition of More Than Two JOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions