218. The "Magic Wand" Cure for Parenting Tough Stuff

We all want the instant solution, "magic wand" kind of get-what-I-want-quick resolution. Parents try to come at this in so many directions... perhaps you've tried a few? Coulda, woulda, shoulda: "If I had known", "if I had said that differently", "if they hadn't been dating that person", "if their dad wouldn't have lost his temper... THEN we wouldn't be here." That's the "magic wand" we missed out on perspective.  Be everywhere, know everything, do all the things right: This one feels ultra productive, in control, and frenzied! We run around, chasing fires and putting them out, until we realize that we can't be/do/know everything and our pipe dream comes to an abrupt end that leaves us exhausted with very little to show except an angry teen. This is the, after all I've done, I deserve a "magic wand" approach.  Bookworm approach: Read books, listen to podcasts, learn, learn, learn and nothing seems to provide the big shift that's so desperately needed. It can feel like so much knowledge is gained but there's not much to show for it, kinda "magic wand". Avoid approach: We blame someone like our spouse, their friends or even our kid. We stay busy, hoping that the issue will take care of itself. We might talk about it, but can't think of any step to take towards resolution. This is the "too confused, burnt out, and busy to deal" kind of "magic wand". We simply hope it will disappear with time.  These are only a few examples of ineffective "magic wands" that parents wave around, hoping to feel better, ease the household tension, and help their kid feel happy and respond more favorably to them. If you've tried any, you know that they don't work so well. Listen in to this week's Pivot Parenting episode to learn why they don't work and what to do instead. To grab a free strategy call with me, please visit me at Heatherfrazier.com