This is the Rose and Shine podcast featuring the Swedish sisters Josephine Bruce and Victoria Rose Sulsen based in Stockholm, New York, which experiences from our international lives and careers Good afternoon from Stockholm. This is Victoria. Hello. Good morning from Bogota This is Josephine and actually it's gonna be kind of the last episode of you sending from Bogota for a while These are my last hours in Bogota before I packed my big belly eight bags two pramps a snowboard We managed to negotiate that the surfboard is staying here on an airplane if they let me on Not to forget your husband and son that will also come right Yeah, I think I managed potentially they get seats not next to me because I only paid extra leg room for myself But I'm a little bit worried now because Raf is on my ticket.
It's a weird kind of we divided our tickets So we own different tickets. So now it might be worst case scenario where I have extra leg room and Raf is next to me and not Steve So we'll see how we see how this all ends up So as you can hear Josephine you are right in the midst of one of the biggest stressors of life You know moving which you are in a sense an expert of so maybe it doesn't really count for you But actually the count is kind of like a boost or pep talk on how to avoid Stress and have less negative stress in our lives really. Yeah, and that's a bit ironic because we're both full on Super stressed no, and but exactly that's what we're going to talk about and we found all of this really exciting research And of course have our own examples of how to lead stressful and less stressful lives Yes, and so this is also one of the episodes that can be used by the corporate clubs Which is sort of a theme with a more deeper pep sheet and everything prepared So if you're interested in a corporate club in your company and organization contact us via our webpage Bruce and shine calm for more information exactly and when I am well basically if they do allow me on this plane and Which we certainly hope they will I have all of the paperwork Oh, God even I even have a my doctor here prescribed a shot with like a really long needle that I'm gonna take myself into my Late today to prevent blood cloth really yeah, it's quite a lot of medical care is so different in different countries It's quite intense and so yes, so if all of that goes well then when this episode is released We will be tomorrow on Friday. We will be live potting at Kerry and sign hotel in Stockholm Yes, so if you haven't yet there might still be an opportunity to join us We don't know there's the tickets are running out But there might still be an opportunity to join us in which case go into the clary and sign or the roose and shine website and get your tickets Yes, we would love to see you there, but back to the stress episode.
Yes So we've kind of put it up in a couple of different sections going through a little bit What is stress and most of us kind of know but it's just good to think about it for a while What is it really and then what causes it? Mm-hmm and then the final two parts is okay So practical tips to deal with it if you are already there in that stressful situation And finally the last section Which is maybe the most important is what can you do to prevent it from not ending up in that stressful situation in the first place There we go. So the first point what is stress? Yeah, and really that's kind of a good idea and good to be aware of that it's actually a biological response So it's coming all the way back from our caveman ability to survive really So whenever you see something that you think is this could be danger or this could be bad It triggers this response of adrenaline that the caveman really needed which meant okay you either fight or your flight And the third one is actually or your freeze is good for anything or is that just a it's not when you like you meet the bear I was thinking about like there's a burglar coming in your house and it's free so that he doesn't notice You know that's like or like the bear comes you were caveman and there's a big bear don't run or don't fight maybe yeah It must have been that right yeah So this adrenaline glands that get started that gives you this bunch of hormones actually they give you Physically increase your heartbeats increase your breathing rate makes it easier for your muscles to use to do clothes that we need It really stimulates your everything so that you are ready to either you know flight or fight or freeze I guess which is in some quite a few cases even today good things that you need and and we'll come back to that in a second But the problem is which is sort of the downside of all of this that if this happens too frequently And when you don't need that physical response in your body because it's not gonna help you Yeah, that can lead to high blood pressure high risk of heart attacks and strokes even but things like headaches and Society and some yeah weight gain and all these other kind of really negative things Yeah, so stress has of course there's good parts of it But then there are parts where it's really counterproductive to what we want and to give a very specific example But obviously because where I am right now I was reading about it in relation to giving birth and how we have this feeling of stress But actually that locks everything down that locks your body away from the process of giving birth because it assumes that maybe you're giving birth But a bear is coming and you need to actually run or you need to you need to stop the whatever you're doing Yeah, and get away from there and that's why for example then during your first You want to kind of work against the the stress that you are feeling and more relaxed and breathing.
Yeah, yeah That's so true. That's very interesting. I'd say but before we go there are there any times when it's really good to feel stressed I think we all have this feeling of you know stress can make our blood to pump and makes us a more prepared Maybe to enter a stage sure yeah during a race or a competition, you know it wakes us up Probably our live podcast on Fridays gonna be our best Because we're gonna have this rush of adrenaline and you know feel all excited about that as we don't freeze. Yeah Or flat exactly yeah, but so for sure I actually try to sometimes create that feeling and I remember now I'm so used to standing in front of audiences and groups and workshops and everything So I really try to kind of create that feeling and trigger that sort of slight to get that a bit of adrenaline because it makes you better Yeah, it's been really good I'm thinking with a yoga that's been something that's been new to us this past year and it's been really good to feel a little bit Slightly nervous slightly stressed before going into the room because then I think you know you perform better than if you didn't have that Yeah, you otherwise become a little bit too blissy.
Yeah, right? It's a little bit too easy You don't have to prepare not exactly making it a little bit more putting the bar rising the bar a little bit Yeah, and I'm thinking for me like running races and everything which I hope I will be able to do again one day when my knees are better But it's so nice to get that adrenaline rush and it's kind of a hate-love mixture But then of course that's the perfect adrenaline rush because it's before you do something physical And I think that's that's the problem when stress is not so good that you get all this physical reactions That you don't really have any use for yeah When you are in that situation or you get it when you're about to go to bed because you start thinking about something stressful Yeah, exactly. So have you felt stressed in this if you look back to the fear have you felt? What Yes, I have a felt stress And I think also that's what makes stress sometimes difficult because I think that it's very easy to think of stress There's one thing where you know you're in the rat race or the stress is because you're you're working really hard And you're picking up your kids and that kind of nine to five life stress And I think that's maybe easier to pinpoint but what can be stressful are things that like oh a move for example Yeah, starting a new job even though maybe the job is not so stressful in itself but big life changes basically cause a lot of stress Yeah, and I think it can be stressful sometimes because I think maybe that they shouldn't be stressful.
Yeah, that's true But no, I've certainly experienced stress this year So that actually leads us very nicely into you started already sharing quite a few good examples on what causes it Yeah, and we did a little bit of research on this and a bit of thinking in the past couple of weeks Yeah And one of the one of the really interesting topics that came out was in regards to quality and stress or inequality gender inequality Yeah, it's actually going inequality and then realize of course that actually it's not only women and men It's also inequality in terms of our societies where where people are more stressed and the different reasons for being stressed Yeah, for example, economical stress And but it was really interesting and it is interesting to see that women tend to be more stressed We're seeing a lot more stressed women than men Yeah, and there's a number of different reasons that are outlining this one is that women tend to work in more professions Where they're in contact with people which is so interesting. I mean that should be what are we doing to each other? I mean because it's like come on that should be something that should relieve us from stress That we get to have lovely relationships, but obviously we're not really doing that well then well I think it's not only that though. I think in contact these type of more social Professions, they might be that you see less tangible results from what you're doing It's less of kind of a okay.
I managed I completed this I completed that which can be very satisfactory and can reduce stress in people Yeah, so I think it's it's not only around meeting people But rather about how your tasks are defined and whether you're seeing that you're adding value or not Yeah, then there are Maybe what we're more inclined to see which we've heard a lot about I think lately which is in the US They're estimating that women are still carrying out about one more hour per day of work in the home unpaid work And there's similar statistics in Sweden who's yeah, supposedly one of the most equal countries in the world Yeah, which is so interesting. Yeah scary And it was also interesting because when I was reading about it It's not only that that seems to be a fact in many many families and many relationships But also that our cultures are always belittling that we're joking about it so much Yeah, in a sense that the the victim of this is it's not taken seriously for this Yeah, and so yeah, it's a carrying out of that extra burden And I know that my husband for example wouldn't necessarily agree with the things that you know were very equal Yeah, and I would not maybe not say that a hundred percent I think it goes up and down at different times But what I think is really interesting is that emotional labor that was articulated in a number of articles Which is less about tangible things like putting or making dinner or emptying the dishwasher But it's the responsibilities that for somehow are just put on the woman and if they don't happen It's kind of becomes the woman's fault. Yeah, that's interesting and also I think in the woman in our minds that we feel responsible for this Yeah, so on the one hand It's about probably not taking that responsibility because if you take that responsibility everyone will appreciate it and then use it Yeah But the article what I was saying was that for example was in regards to a social event that the author was going to and she left the responsibility to her husband and they arrived late and it was all chaotic and so on and the blame was all given on her, you know, she was blamed for them not being on time and so on and that was how she was expressing that this emotional labor tends to be placed on the woman more than on men. Yeah, of course, this is you know, it's not like this in all relationships or at all But I think it's quite real and women are feeling stressed Yes And I think another important role in sort of creating stress is all the millions of articles and news coming up on stress on the topic itself And I don't really think it's such a great balance It's either this trauma articles how society everyone is getting burnout and like this is an illness and people can't handle it So that's the one side which immediately makes you think like oh am I not stressed?
Maybe I am stressed, you know, yeah, right? So it's like it's so you know, which is great We should write about it because it's a problem But it gets so much attention that I'm starting to think that maybe it helps to generate that feeling that we all should feel miserable You know what I mean? That we should feel miserable that we are that we are miserable But we are all miserable so if you're not there, it's like oh well, maybe I am there, right? Yeah, so kind of a gloomy outlook.
Yeah, so so that's the one hand and I think the other hand is you know You have all these super people and they go out and you have these articles how they handle everything and there's no trace of Stress at all, so it's kind of not really great balance and they're not working a day of their life because they're not their job So that's not I think they think like that was you know, not really like that But you know and that can also be propagating right? Yeah, certainly and I think that balance also translates to how I can feel sometimes I don't know if you feel the same way, but you're either in it and you're quite stressed And it's a bit too much and then you go into your more restful period and then you might have that little evil person You're sure they're telling you why are you taking it so easy? You're yeah, you're chilling out too much. You should be working harder So that means that even your relaxed time doesn't really become so relaxing because you might be judging yourself there for not working hard enough Yeah And I think that's such a good point and we'll come back to that when we talk about practical tips how to deal with it But it's like you should enjoy both parts So enjoy the achieving and try to find that in a good balance and then enjoy resting and Rejuvenating and gathering energy without feeling like the slacker, you know or someone on your exactly what you said on your shoulder telling you not to do that Yeah, and social media is of course one of the the problems here can be yeah in terms of making us always see these beautiful people doing a beautiful amazing incredible things and makes us feel like slackers How do you think about that?
But I in a way, I mean I think it's really nice that people put up nice positive Things on social media because really do you want to see people on their bad days? And yeah, I know that some people are like this is so nice if you're showing yourself with this and you know You of course you should share vulnerable moments and all these things too, but in a nice way It's it's a nice way to go for inspiration and get these things that give you a pet I mean you have to realize that what you see is the 10% of that person's life even you know and that their best days Yeah, that's their best 10% that's what's coming up or what do you think? Yeah, no absolutely So it's a bit of the as the consumer you need to filter Yeah, but I think that for me Maybe what that would mean and I'm not so great at that yet But that is to I would say sometimes we turn to the phone and social media when we're bored and we don't have so much to do Yeah And then we look at all of these inspiring people and of course that can help us to get inspired But that can also really pushes down so I think it's about being aware When you use social media and for what purpose because often I think it's used as a kind of a pick me up when you're feeling down Or feeling down but yeah not being so productive or yeah, and that is probably I speak for myself That's probably not a good time to be using social media That's not and you're right spot on because the trick is to identify Does that work for you and then sort of lift yourself out a little bit and look at yourself and say hey when I do that Do I feel better and sort of analyze and if you come up to the conclusion like it seems you kind of did Maybe don't go there then maybe no that's not a time for me that it works So avoid it then so I think it's a little bit when we'll come back to that now when we go into sort of the practical tips on How to deal with it, but I think that's the key you need to learn to read your own signals What gives you good energy what gives you not so good energy and if you notice that wow this is not really great for me? Well, then remove yourself from that So there are a number of typical or the biggest stressors in our lives Yeah, and I guess those could be good to be aware of so that we're a little bit less hard on ourselves when we go through those things Yeah So there's been a list produced since many years actually of like research sets What are the biggest stressors that we do have the most stressful events in life?
And there's like a top 10 list and it goes all the way down to 40 I think but the number one is quite scary inside It's like the death of a loved one to experience that and I guess the key here is if you find yourself in a situation like this To just really give yourself some kindness because it's gonna be a super hard period and I think that goes for this entire list, right? Number two is separation or divorce. Yeah, which is super stressful, of course Yeah, and then interesting enough number three is getting married was that so Did you have a stressful time getting married? No, I don't think it was that stressful But I do remember some friends getting married before us and I remember them like walking down the aisle and looking so stressed like Stearnt faces, you know and they're like this and I was like, oh wow They're not really enjoying this, you know and so that kind of gave me a hint to enjoy the journey and see more of a celebration And not being so picky but all the things yeah, but you had quite a stressful wedding with all yeah I mean we found you managed to create Family stressful like we weren't so stressed in many ways But we found we had like a destination wedding and like we found it stressful to coordinate because we found that people were friends Where easy and family was more and more challenging we found yeah, but you know the family knows how to trigger your Your feeling sure yeah, exactly.
Yes, I guess that's about getting married to all the things around as well So number four on the list is starting a new job could be stressful. I'm not sure I would agree that it's that stressful It's quite a nervous and everything but not that stressful now I agree with you, but I think that can really depend on if you're used to it or not I feel like we've changed so many jobs well, I guess you know being a yoga teacher is kind of a new job and that yeah But not that stressful. No not up there for me. All right number five work place stressor So this is really more about things happening at work, which is stressful.
Yeah, of course That's where people find I think a lot of their stress Yeah I agree and I think the challenge with stress is when you feel that you can't control it that you're stuck in a situation and that's when you get that Panicky feeling and sometimes that's what people will feel about their situation at work that they can't really take themselves out from there Mm-hmm financial problems is number six. Yeah, I think Economy is a stress whether it's financial problems or whether you have become part of their rat race and you're comparing yourself to what other people have and what you don't have I think financial stresses can really be up there and I just heard someone say like, you know It's important to take care of your finances, but also it's not gonna help you to be stressed about it And I guess that's the entire thing right yeah, exactly then we're moving to a new home Yeah, add country city to that. Yeah, I would say that that that's something I wouldn't have thought about being so stressful before but now having done it a number of times. Yes stressful I agree stressful and selling your home.
Yeah, that's definitely yeah the next one is touch wood You know, it's I mean the chronic illness or injury I mean of course even you know if it's happening to you but also to others I felt it could be annoying to have like a small little injury I can imagine how awful it must be when it's really really tricky Retirement number nine is a little bit fun and it's so interesting a little fun Yeah, it should be great, right? But that also goes for the fact that we say we'll never retire But just I think it's a bad thing like okay, so now it's over. Yeah, but of course I mean imagine I feel like moving for some from Myanmar would live five years That was a huge thing is because it's like that epoch has left, you know, yeah, and imagine retirement It's like yeah, it's of course it's huge. Yeah, and you know, it's also like okay, so now my working life is finished No, let's not go there.
Let's not retire But then the interesting thing which I also think can be big stress or is number 10 transitioning to adulthood for the panda for the adulthood Both as a mother of teenage girls both Yeah, so those are like the top 10 stressors There so now comes the idea all right. What are practical tips to deal with it actually? What is it that you can do? I mean we'll talk about how to prevent it, but first of all if you are already in a stressful situation What is it that you can do calm yourself down if you wish and many of them would be around starting by just taking care of yourself?
Yeah And actually that's kind of key because if you are in a situation that you feel you can't get out of and it's so super stressful Maybe that involves you need to get other people involved to help you change that situation But start out by just looking at yourself your own habits the things that you do because you have direct influence over that So start with that does that mean all right prioritize having like a really good sleep sleep usually helps a lot If you don't have insomnia of course because then it's gonna be a problem But you know make sure you get your hours. Yeah, then practice breathing so start to whether it's just like these two minutes a day of listening to your breath It could be a really good technique while you're in it, but also long-term benefits Yeah, and really check your your breathing techniques because even before going into that stressful conversation or that thing You stop and take a couple of few deep breaths That's actually gonna help you a lot to not only feel less stress But to center yourself and to sort of remind yourself. Okay, so what's my intention of where I'm going next? So that helps in so many ways than just taking like deep breaths Which I think some people think of it and the breath is something that you actually you can fool your brain with yeah by breathing calmly You actually send signals to the brain that you are calm Which then in turn sends signals to the rest of the body to relax.
Yeah, so it's a really good technique Yeah for sure so actually coming to think of it We could post on Instagram some breathing techniques that we've learned that everyone could use right sounds good Then simple things like staying hydrated eating for well-being those are important things and one thing that we've spoken a lot about that We love is get moving and there's so much research showing that going for that run Even if it's just 25 minutes will really help you combat stress absolutely So for anyone listening to this episode really try to think about and analyze your situation So what is causing you to feel stressed? There are so many different parts of our lives and you might feel stressed in some areas and less dressed in others Yeah, so really try to dig deep and identify where your stressors are yeah And I really like the theory and the idea imagine that you could put all your Important things going on into your life in different cups So kind of like water cups and you could put them on sort of a big plank with all of them there And I think a lot of people feel that all right, so I'm super let's say the work cup is super filled up And they blame that cup for them being sort of burned out But actually I think you really only fall into it when all the different cups are being filled up at the same time So really what you can do is just to think about all these different cups that you have don't have too many first of all going on And then see what's the water level? What's the balance there and what if you're a manager and you're seeing that your staff is stressed? What what can you do?
Well, this is really what we're working on the book we're writing on just now I think this is a key future managerial skill well not future It's for now as a manager you really need to kind of go around with them and shut and help your team members to analyze their situation And be clear in what are the priorities? What are the most important things where you want to spend time on and as an employee? It's also if your manager is not you know be proactive and go for it yourself Have this dialogue and see how how how filled are your glasses? And maybe there are some glasses that you need to remove some cups, you know And work on what actually makes a big difference so another important part is just finding your balance between being ambitious So for example picking your kid up at nursery I think many of us have this idea that it's all about getting home and it's all about getting that dinner ready or prepared But really what about if we started to enjoy that picking up of every second stone and Investigating every stick and enjoying that as part of family hang out time.
So kind of lowering our business Yeah, so to find like the moment right in everyday life And so it's a twist because it's this balance between being ambitious Like you want to be right and achieve things and and that's great And it can also be stressful if you don't do that and then the balance of letting go and being really good at that And we said before like this lacquer time kind of thing But then use the time of letting go and really do nice letting go things which could potentially be just going for an app or But also take that nice little tour home You're anyway, you're gonna walk back home from nursery or however you do it and make it to a nice time. Yeah nice moment Yeah, and then finally about preventing stress Hmm, so we are maybe in between the stressful periods or we're not there and you know what what can we do in order to not end up there? Well, I think this is kind of key because we talk a lot about stress today and we tell people okay go And do some deep breathing exercises and everything which can be really Provocating I guess if you're really stressed, you know and someone tells you take some deep breaths and it's gonna be fine And it's not so I think the answer here is yes There can be obstacles that you need help to remove from people around you But I think the real key is to look within yourself and to really take charge be honest with yourself and dig deep and see What is it that I really want to do? What is it that is really important for me right now in life in in general at work at home and just identify those things and really go and Cut out the rest.
Mm. Think about what is it that I want to do? What's important and get rid of the other things? Yeah, and look at this good really well today equality trap and what we talked about in the beginning But look at what are the things that you're doing next week that really is you know mainly for for other people But maybe then no one will not even notice if you don't do it.
Yeah, what can you cut and just give that time to yourself? Yeah, and then I think it's looking in around your environment trying to make it as stress-free as possible Try to build it up and that could be anything from from your how your room is set up and whether you buy an alarm clock rather than a phone To have next to your bedside. Yeah, how you said your morning routines And make it simple and that's also the challenge because we write and talk and read about all these amazing things that you should do And the thing is what you see is to some of what everyone is doing But just pick a few pick the ones that matter most and maybe don't be so ambitious with everything and every face of your life Think that you have a long full life to live So maybe there are certain cool things and stuff that you want to do but you can do them in five or ten or 15 years And then there are certain things that you want to do now and be less ambitious about yes So I think that is really our stress list from start to end why it happens and how we can deal with it Yes, so this is meant just a little inspiration for you And the big key is go back and and have a little bit of an analysis of your status right now So thank you for now. I'm about to close my bags and Hope to see as many as possible tomorrow in Stockholm And if you're not in Stockholm follow us on instagram roose and shine.
So thank you everyone for listening. Take care. Bye. Bye