261: End Shame & Imposter Syndrome with the All-In Method

Ever struggle with shame? Imposter Syndrome?  Yeah, me too.    When a client experiences shame, they live in constant fear of being rejected. And they become trapped in the avoidance strategies they create to escape the pain. However, shame left untreated grows more powerful. And it can often lead our clients into behaviors that invite even greater shame.   I’m going to show you the ONE thing that has been studied and shown to dissolve them BOTH - the ONLY studied method used by professional trauma therapists and researchers…   AND I’m going to show you how the All-In Method, the tool at the heart of our book Radical Alignment, works to dissolve BOTH.   HUGE new info coming to my attention: Bessel Van Der Kolk, author of the body keeps the score, in a special course from The National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine   The one counterintuitive technique that removes the fear of rejection from shame… it’s the same one that dissolves imposter syndrome…SHARING YOUR SHAME AND FEAR OF BEING SHAMED WITH SOMEONE SAFE, IN A NON-JUDGMENTAL SPACE.   Impostor syndrome is often comorbid with depression and anxiety and is associated with impaired job performance, job satisfaction, and burnout    Impostor syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenon, fraud syndrome, perceived fraudulence, or impostor experience) describes high-achieving individuals who, despite their objective successes, fail to internalize their accomplishments and have persistent self-doubt and fear of being exposed as a fraud or impostor.1 People with impostor syndrome struggle with accurately attributing their performance to their actual competence (i.e., they attribute successes to external factors such as luck or receiving help from others and attribute setbacks as evidence of their professional inadequacy.   People with impostor syndrome had fears that were significantly related to maintaining their social standing and not wanting to display imperfection to others   The only studied method for helping people with Imposter Syndrome is sharing your fears and concerns in a safe space. A 1985 paper by Matthews and Clance qualitatively described their experiences in private practice caring for 41 people with impostor feelings.53 They recommended validating patients’ doubts and fears, directly addressing fears of failure, and providing group therapy since these patients often feel isolated and that they alone experience impostor feelings;   SO: HOW can you start to implement this in your life? Use the All-In Method from our new book, Radical Alignment: Intentions Concerns Boundaries Dreams   I’ve seen it work again and again in my marriage and in parenting my son. We now have a safe structure and habit of communicating our fears. Order your copy of Radical Alignment and share your receipt number at RadicalAlignmentBook.com to get a bonus workshop with me and co-author/hubby Bob Gower!