262. Six Lessons I Learned on the Other Side of the Move

It's funny how life has a way of teaching us new things, even when we think we're well-versed in a particular area. As someone who has been a senior living expert for nearly 20 years, I thought I had a firm grasp on everything related to senior housing. However, this past experience of helping my mother and her husband transition to assisted living and memory care offered a fresh perspective. Being on the other side of the process with my family allowed me to glean six valuable lessons that I want to share with you today. These insights not only deepened my understanding of this challenging transition but also equipped me with more empathy for the families I work with daily.Chapters:01:01 Personal Journey: Helping My Mother Move01:36 Six Lessons Learned from the Move05:32 Lesson 1: Plan in Advance10:23 Lesson 2: Be on the Same Page with Siblings12:18 Lesson 3: Go with Your Gut14:16 Lesson 4: Set Expectations17:13 Lesson 5: Communication is Key20:58 Lesson 6: Financial Planning is a Gift22:33 Conclusion and Final ThoughtsWhat's interesting is that the advice I often dispense to others became my guiding light during this journey. It's a humbling reminder that no matter how much we know, there's always room for growth and learning. As I navigated this process as a family member, I discovered nuances and emotional layers that previously seemed theoretical. Today, I'm excited to share these insights with you, hoping they will provide some guidance and peace of mind if you ever find yourself in a similar situation.Lesson 1:Let's dive in with the first lesson: planning in advance. As much as we try to avoid it, acknowledging the future and preparing for it can make all the difference. I always advise people to plan ahead, yet it's easy to overlook this when reality hits home. My family learned firsthand that waiting lists are real and getting ahead of the curve can be a lifesaver. We found a memory care for my stepfather close to my brother's home—an essential factor when emergencies arise, however, we had to wait three weeks until a room was available. My mother waited almost three months until an apartment in assisted living came available for her.Lesson 2:Being on the same page with siblings was our second lesson, proving crucial. My brothers and I managed to stay united, allowing us to support our mother effectively. This unity reduced stress and facilitated decision-making. However, I couldn't help but feel some guilt, as the bulk of the responsibility fell on them due to my own caregiving commitments and that I live in Texas and the rest of the family is in Mississippi. It highlighted the importance of being honest with each other and shouldering the load together as best as possible.Lesson 3:Thirdly, going with your gut proved to be invaluable. It's easy to get caught up in a checklist mentality, weighing pros and cons in black and white. But the intangible feel or vibe of a place shouldn't be underestimated. A compassionate staff member's interaction with a resident served as a deciding factor for us, embedding confidence that our choice was right—trusting this gut feeling made all the difference.Lesson 4:Setting expectations formed the foundation of our fourth insight. We had to understand and accept that no place is perfect; challenges are inevitable. From ventilation issues in my mom’s room to protocol nuances when my stepfather had falls—being prepared for imperfections made these situations more manageable. Understanding that no community can promise a fall-free experience emphasizes this point.Lesson 5:Fifth on our list is communication. We often hear it, but its importance can't be overstressed. Whether it was about a missed sign-out when leaving the community or unfinished paperwork, open lines of communication prevented minor issues from spiraling into significant problems. For my mom, adapting to rules like signing out felt intrusive, yet it ensured her safety—a balance of openness and adherence to routines eased transitions.Lesson 6:Lastly, financial planning cannot be ignored. My mother and her husband’s foresight in purchasing long-term care policies and saving was a significant comfort. Preparing financially reassured us and made the move less daunting. Many families don't have this luxury, often leading to hard decisions. So, if you can, start these discussions early and plan accordingly.As I wrap up, I hope sharing my experience encourages you to begin these critical conversations if you haven't already. It's not easy, but it's a path worth navigating with care and intention. Be sure to check out the show notes for related podcast episodes that delve deeper into topics like caregiving and financial preparedness. As always, share this episode with anyone you feel might benefit from it. Remember, every step towards planning is a step towards peace of mind.Resources mentioned in this episode:Get my new book, 'Surrounded by Love: One's Family Journey Through Stroke Recovery': https://loriwilliams-seniorservices.com/bookTo suggest a topic, be a guest or support the podcast, please email [email protected] For more senior resources and to sign up for the newsletter, please visit:https://www.facebook.com/LoriWilliamsSeniorServices/https://www.instagram.com/theloriwilliams/https://www.linkedin.com/in/theloriwilliams/https://loriwilliams-seniorservices.com/aging-in-style-podcast/ The 3 Hardest Conversations to Have with Older Adults (and Tips to Make it Easier)https://www.loriwilliams-seniorservices.com/aging-in-style-podcast/episode/2e8518d6/257-the-3-hardest-conversations-to-have-with-older-adults-and-tips-to-make-it-easierPaperwork You Need Before Moving to Assisted Living and Memory Carehttps://www.loriwilliams-seniorservices.com/aging-in-style-podcast/episode/24c2f6eb/256-paperwork-you-need-before-moving-to-assisted-living-and-memory-careThey Canceled the Caregiver?! What now?https://www.loriwilliams-seniorservices.com/aging-in-style-podcast/episode/223d0bfc/254-they-canceled-the-caregiver-what-now