29: Set Smart Boundaries with Coaching Prospects and Clients

This episode is on a challenging topic that's critical for all coaches. And it's part of the Smart Mindsets & Habits series. I've been a life long student of boundaries. That is to say, boundaries have been a core issue for me in the past and now it's much less of an issue. When I sense myself leaning in too far, trying to do too much, to people please or over-deliver, I rein myself in.Still, I occasionally fall into old patterns, even in coaching relationships.I'm a 2 on the Enneagram. That's "The Helper." More than anything I want to be of service to others, to help them better their circumstances. It's a good fit for being a coach. And a strength overused becomes a weakness. In the past, it's often meant that I gave too much in all of my roles and relationships. And, I allowed some people to step on me ... repeatedly.Powerful Questions to Uncover Boundary ChallengesWhat about you? Do you like to fill in the holes and make sure everyone is taken care of? Are you a natural helper or a people pleaser? A lot of coaches are.Here are more specific questions to ask yourself:With coaching prospects ...     Do you bend over backward to prove your worth in Discovery Sessions?      Do you reduce your fees habitually to suit prospects?With coaching clients ...     Do you habitually go over time in sessions?     Are you charging enough to cover your investment of time outside of sessions?Repetitive Over-Delivery Hurts You and Your Coaching ClientsEarly on in my business I attended an International Coach Federation conference and met Cheryl RichardsonShe was asking a group of coaches ... Do you want more for your clients than they want for themselves?Bam! That was an aha moment for me. The answer was 'YES' ... always. I learned from Cheryl that ultimately your client must choose transformation for it to happen. They must want it with all of their heart, mind and be willing to take action outside their comfort zone. If you want something for them more than they do for themselves, it creates an imbalance in the co-creative relationship and the reality is, you're going to be pushing them and they won't appreciate it.Later on, a friend of mine created a training based on years of research called Right Use of Power and I attended one of her first workshops. Another huge aha. Let me explain ...When you are in a practitioner or authoritative or helper role, that role carries a certain amount of power. Hopefully, as coaches, we believe we are our clients' equals, but even so they may hold some deference for us.It's up to coaches to do our best to equalize the power in the coach-client relationship. And this requires a lot of self-reflection and self-awareness.Right Size YourselfYou might be kind of surprised that the answer to balance the power is not to give clients more, more of your time or make it easier for them by taking some of their responsibilities your own shoulders like giving them discounts. Those kinds of things actually increase the power differential. And they do something to you too. You're inflating your role and deflating your own power.The answer is ...Find more about how to right size yourself here.