29: Three Pillars of a Healthy Marriage Part 2 - Your Marriage Relationship

Welcome back to another episode of the Love How Deep podcast.  We hope as you continue to listen that your marriage is strengthened and that you continue to use God's Word as the foundation for your marriage.  We are in a 3 part miniseries called "3 Pillars of a Healthy Marriage."  In our first episode, we discussed you as an individual.  In this second episode, we will focus on you and your spouse in your marriage relationship, and then in the final episode we will now discuss how other people factor into a healthy marriage.  Of course in all 3 parts, God is at the center and we encourage you to make sure you constantly look to build all three of these areas on his principals.  It might help to think about our miniseries like a 3 legged stool.  Each of the topics are a leg of the stool.  The seat of the stool is God and He is what all of the legs should be connected to for he gives the stool strength and stability.  With that let's talk more about today and our focus on each other.  Our episode will be divided into 3 parts.  We will discuss Forgiveness, Healing, and Trust.   Part A: Forgiveness Key Verse:  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  Col 3:13 ■        Definition:  Choice to release resentment and let go of vengeance ■        What it is NOT: excusing, trusting, giving permission, forgetting, healing, reconciling ■        Process:  Even though it is a head choice, heart takes time ■        Actions First Feelings Second: Making choice to forgive will change feelings ■        Peter Asks Jesus How Many Times to Forgive?  Seven?  No, 70 x 7. ■        Louis Zamperini:  WWII POW who eventually forgave.  Praying wife.   ●        An amazing story of forgiveness involves a man named Louis Zamperini.  He was an Italian immigrant who fought to survive starting at a very young age.  He fought kids in school who picked on him for not knowing english.  He drank and smoked as a small child.  He was very troubled.  ●        As a 19 year old boy Zamperini became a track star and qualified for the Berlin olympics and even met Adolf Hitler.  He set records in college until WWII started and he joined the Army Air Corps.  ●        As Zamperini was sent over to fight the war His plane was shot down.  He and two other men survived the crash and lived in the Pacific Ocean for 47 days.  He was rescued by the Japanese and he was taken captive for the next two years in a POW camp.  Zamperini was beaten nearly every day and left unconscious, specifically by a man known as "The Bird".  Once WWII ended Zamperini was released and sent home.  One might think that his life would be better because he was no longer a prisoner.  However, he was still a prisoner in his mind.  ●        Zamperini married, was an alcoholic, suffered nightmares, and dwelled on getting even with the men who beat him in the POW camp.  It got so bad that he woke up strangling his own wife dreaming that it was The Bird.  ●        She planned to divorce Zamperini until she heard Billy Graham speak and received Christ into her heart.  She then begged her husband to hear Billy Graham speak.  Zamperini finally agreed and his life was changed.  He accepted Christ, gave up alcohol, and forgave those men in the POW camp.  From that moment on the nightmares stopped.  He even sought out the men who beat him, visited them in prison and shared Christ with them.  ●        Zamperini told them he forgave them for the torture and beatings.  His marriage was saved.  His life was changed.  He started out as an angry child who fought others, was beaten as a young man, received God's love, grace, and forgiveness, and then showed that same love, grace, and forgiveness to the ones who hurt him.    ○        Personal  ■        Heather forgiveness of ex-husband ■        Brian being forgiven by his mom.   ○        Couple Application ■        Forgiveness can be learned ■        Forgive Big and Small ■        Powerful process when both involved, but only takes one ■        Things to Remember When Seeking and Granting Forgiveness: 1.        Seek Forgiveness:  take ownership, acknowledge the pain you cause, reassure you won't do it again, ask forgiveness and forgive yourself. 2.       Grant Forgiveness:  acknowledge your pain, let go of resentment, explain expectation for future actions, and forgive.    Part B: Healing   Key Verse:  Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if He has committed sins, He will be forgiven. (James 5:14-15) §  Scar:  Reminder, Stronger than Skin.  But scar is visible, emotions not. §  Definition:  To make well again §  Healing is a Process:  Questions - How long?, When Feel Better? What Can I do to hasten?  How to heal properly?  How will I know when healed? How can I ask for help from my spouse? §  God Says: Take requests to Him (Jer 17:14) and Be Humble (2 Chr 7:14) §  Faith Role:  Have faith to be healed (Mark 5:34) and Just the size of mustard seed (Matt 17:20) §  Anointing Oil:  Go to elders (James 5:14) also we are priests (1 Pet 2:9) §  Pray Together (James 5:16)   o   Personal  §  Blended Family Parenting Issues:  Hurt and Working Through   o   Couple Application §  Pray, Patience, Positivity   Part C: Trust Key Verse:  Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;  in all your ways submit to him,  and He will make your paths straight.  Prov 3:5-6 §  Definition:  Firm belief (faith) in the reliability of someone. §  Faith:  Assurance of things hoped for, conviction of things not seen (Heb 11:1) §  Reliability:  quality of being trustworthy or performing consistently §  Reliability of God: Same yesterday, today, and forever (Heb 13:8) §  Paul's Thorn and God's Consistent Response:  2 Cor 12:9 §  Faith and Reliability Combined:  Israelites and God - Battle of Jericho (Joshua 6:1-27) §  Emperor Penguins:  Male and Female take turns caring for young, both display faith and reliability   o   Personal  §  Heather Falling – Funny Discussion about lack of trust of her falling.   o   Couple Application §  Choice to Trust §  Faith is Taking a Risk (not knowing everything that is going on) §  Process:  Trust can take time (like Chutes and Ladders - forward/backward)       Wrap-Up   ·         Okay we have made it through the second pillar of a healthy marriage once in which we are focusing on some keys issues that you may not have thought about that much – Forgiveness, Healing, and Trust.  ·         We will end with Pillar 3 after that in which we discuss how you can take what you have learned about yourself and as a couple out to other important people in your life.  Conclusion FREE "Date Night Ideas" There are several creative and easy Date ideas for you as a married couple to engage in.  We give some brief instruction on how best to enjoy each idea.  Spending Quality Time together will give you a much better chance to strengthen your connection and you will create a memory you won't forget together.  Go to www.lovehowdeep.com/datenight to see several free options.  FREE 10 Practical Communication Strategies This guide will help you as a couple have more effective and connecting conversations.   Closing Thanks for tuning in! We appreciate your time. Stay tuned for our next episode.