Skip to content
302: Please, Your Reimbursement Here episode artwork

Aug 30, 2021 40 min

302: Please, Your Reimbursement Here

from Dear Hank & John

What's less scared of us than we are of it? Why do spammers call me Cameron? Why can't Jeff Bezos give his money away? Is there less oxygen where plants don't grow? How do I reply to a friend with a tenuous grasp of geography? Can my glasses burn my eyes like a magnifying glass? Hank Green and John Green have answers! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [email protected]. Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn. Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [email protected]. Join us for monthly livestreams at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn. Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn

Episode details come from the podcast's RSS feed.

Embed this episode

Ready to play

302: Please, Your Reimbursement Here

0:00 40:23
of matches

Transcript Auto-generated, may contain errors

Hey, so something worth knowing is a benefit for the nonprofit organization that makes Crash Course and SciShow Complexly. It's September 16th, 2026 in Los Angeles, California at the Wilshire Ebell Theater. Please join us. It's going to be incredible.

Friends have complexity like Mark Rober, Katie Max, Simone Yech, and Moore will share inspiring talks about what makes them hopeful and join Hank Green on stage for fun, interactive discussions. Complexly has been creating free educational content like SciShow and PBSEons and Crash Course and Bizarre Beasts for nearly 15 years and 6 billion views. But this year, we've become a 501c3 nonprofit and we're doing something worth knowing as an in-person event that benefits complexly and our impactful educational media. It's the first ever complexly in-person event, and it's a fundraiser to support our mission of inspiring curiosity and lowering barriers to knowledge building because curiosity builds understanding and understanding builds a better world.

Tickets go on sale to the general public June 30th at somethingworthknowing.com. So come build a better world with us on September 16th and experience something worth knowing you can get your ticket at complexly.info slash something. And welcome to Dear Hank and John! Pouring us up a little for a think of it dear John and Hank.

Sorry I'm a little slow on the uptake because I'm stressed out. I know it's a podcast where two brothers answer your questions give you a piece of advice and bring a lot of weeks news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon. John did you hear that the Pfizer vaccine has been approved not just for emergency use but just as a normal medicine now. Unfortunately, M&M still can't get it.

Why is that? Because he only gets one shot. Oh. I mean, alternately, it could have been Alexander Hamilton.

There's been a lot of people who only got one shot over the years and who did not want to throw it away. Yeah. Well, I think Alexander Hamilton got several shots. He just didn't throw any of them away.

Arguably. Who was it, his one shot? Well, look, I'm not an expert in Hamilton. All they know is that the line is I'm not throwing away my shot.

I'm not throwing away my multiple shots. So I'm not throwing my shots. Anyway, however many shots you need, please get them. Yes.

I'm done with this whole situation. I'm also done with having my old YouTube account that I used to upload private family videos to hacked. That has really been a day-ruiner. And I'll tell you one thing I'm not, it's such a pain.

And one thing I'm not particularly sympathetic to at the moment is the hackers relentless reminders that he is a good guy, which is the phrase he keeps using. Look, I could have done so much worse than that. Yeah, yeah, that is his perspective. He's like, I'm a good guy because I could have done something worse.

And my perspective is that like, the real good guy, that's true of every bad guy. Every bad guy could have been worse. The real good guys don't generally brag about being good guys to people they've just hacked. Oh God, it's not the first time that we've had a situation like that though the last time it happened, they were gooder than this guy where they only left comments as us, rather than making private videos public.

Yeah, I mean, they did apologize for it. Anyway, let's talk about something else because I haven't been able to do anything else all day, which has been very frustrating because like I obviously like this person didn't necessarily know about my week schedule when they decided to hack me at 5.30 in the morning on a Monday. But if I could now everything is late. Yeah, if I could everything for the rest of the week is late.

If I could have picked a week to be hacked, it would not be the week of my birthday and 17 other deadlines. So yeah, but you know what, Hank, you don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have some say in who hurts you specifically. I should have turned on two factor authentication in that 15 year old YouTube channel. John, congratulations on being a 44 year old.

What's it like? Tell me so that I can get ready in the future. That's not great. I'll be honest.

This is the first birthday. First thing first thing, you get to act everybody when they turn 44. This is the first birthday I've had where I like for some reason it didn't bother me at all to turn 40 or to turn 42. Those both seem like the ages of young people.

And this birthday is the first one where I've like felt that thing that all humans feel. And it's so cliche. Like one of my big problems actually with getting older is that all the cliches are true, you know, that like the stupid things people say that are uninteresting and extremely superficial, nonetheless do happen to you and like do occur to you and you do think those things. And I really dislike like having to have thoughts about myself and the universe that are super cliche and obvious.

So I'm not having to, I'll be honest, it's not the worst birthday I've had because like a lot of people I turned to 13 once, but it's the worst birthday I've had in a while. Like I know, I think like it's my second pandemic birthday and I was kind of I was kind of hoping I was only going to have one. And I think I might have a third pandemic birthday. So it could be I have also, because I've known people who are currently my age who have died, I have like of things, like not like not like accidents, but of diseases.

I mean, I know people who are who are my age who have died of COVID. Yes, I have gotten to the point now where I am I am thinking about more mortality, like maybe the amount that you did when you were at 13. Oh, yeah. And it's a lot it's a lot it's like double or triple what it was 10 years ago.

And you know, not multiple times a day, but maybe multiple times a week. Do I think like, Oh, God, it would be really inconvenient for everyone around. If I kicked it, especially if you kicked it before signing that will, we're really close. Great.

We're really close. We're basically basically he's just getting the papers drawn up. I know that this has been a multi year joke here on the podcast, but it is also a multi year series of mistakes I have made where I was like, I thought you guys have multi year process and I'm going to encourage all of our listeners that it just is it doesn't take that long unless unless you just stop answering emails for months and months at a time. Yeah, I have noticed that you have that habit.

Hank, like there are basically two kinds of emails that you get from Hank Green. One is within 30 seconds of sending an email to him, you get a reply and the other is six six months later. That's the one you want. And the best thing about one that is six months later, because Hank and I correspond to fair amount and we're CC'd on a lot of the same emails is that when you get one six months later, you also get like 42 others.

So you know exactly how much time Hank put into the email because you want email and then four minutes later, you get a second email and then two minutes after that, you get a third email. Yeah, and you should really use the like snooze or whatever system on Hank. So I shouldn't say that we use that someone hacked me. Please don't hack people.

Like even if you can, don't. Can I tell you about my most successful hacking, John? As a child, I hacked a website. I'm going to be so mad.

I'm already mad. You with your gray hat on. What is your gray hat hacking story, Hank, that where you can portray yourself as a hero by retroactively fitting your ideology to your urges? With more, I considered myself a kind of chaotic, good agent or chaotic neutral.

Let's not use any good. I ran the Mars web ring when I was in high school. I remember it was huge. Do you remember what web rings were?

Of course. That was like where you would basically advertise other people's websites that were also about Mars and they would advertise your name via a ring. Right. And so you could like click click.

There were like arrows and several people would have the web ring thing at the bottom of the website and you click click the right arrow and you go to another website about the same topic. And this was before search engines were any good. So if you wanted to be like into dogs, you could be like in the dog web ring. You'd be on a website about dogs at the bottom.

It's like, oh, I want to see another website about dogs. I'll click the arrow and go to the next one. Yeah, there's also in the days when websites ended. So you'd get to the end of the website and you'd be like, I'm not done.

Yeah, I need to be distracted. Is there another website? And it turns out that there was. Yeah, you could reach the end of the ring as well.

Like there is. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, like back then, Yahoo had an index of all the websites that were at least indexed on Yahoo.

And you could do all of them. If you really tried, you could have gotten to the end of the internet in 1994, 1995. Yeah. So that was around when I ran the Mars web ring.

And part of that is that I, for some reason, had access to the database of all of everybody's login information, which was not encrypted. And so I, it was, it was almost as if I had intentionally created the Mars web ring in order to just get access to people's login information. And so if they use the same login information for the Mars web ring that they did for their like FTP server, I could go on their FTP servers. And so to a few different Mars websites, I put Marvin the Martian, just photoshopped him into the images, like random images on the site so that Marvin the Martian would suddenly appear and people would be like, what happened?

And then they would change it back and then I would put him back just so that they knew that the world was a goofy place. Not goof, dangerous, a place where your own information is not is never safe. And where there is no privacy and privacy is a complete illusion. And humans aren't even allowed to have private thoughts that disagree with the social order, less they get exposed via a hack.

So yeah, anyway, welcome to I kind of, I was like, man, this dystopia is going to suck in 50 years, but it turns out it already sucks. Yeah, it's not great. Hank, the only thing that can improve my mood is reading questions from our listeners, which by the way, I can only do for probably the first 20 minutes of the podcast because I thought I had a computer charger here, but I don't and my computer's gonna run out of that. So I got the first few questions.

This first question comes from Emily who writes Dear John and Hank, I recently had an encounter with a desert stink beetle in my home. And in my sheer panic, I told myself, it's more scared of you than you are of it. What's something that we are more scared of than it is of us? I have a good answer, Emily, it's surveillance capitalism.

It's not scared of us at all. Yeah, no, there's many, there are many things that do not have any emotions at all that I am very afraid of. And in fact, I'm afraid of some of many human emotions more than they are afraid of me. And my own self, even my own emotions, I'm often more afraid of you.

You're telling me that you're more afraid of you than you are of you. That's the point I was trying to get misunderstood. The question, I mean, that's deep. That's real deep.

And it's too deep. I can't handle that level of death right now. I can't go. I can't go there today.

Are there animals? Hey, Oh, sure. Non-human animals that we are more scared of than they are scared of us. I think the answer is a definite.

Yes. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, almost anything bigger than us.

Well, any of the larger crocodilians, John, I think probably I think maybe as maybe maybe if their moms and their kids are nearby, they might be a little bit anxious, but like not scared. I I'm and also my fear of them is very high. So that threshold is is high. Yeah.

Yeah. I also feel extremely afraid of alligators, like a lot of kids who grew up in Florida. And I think it's mostly a rational fear. Like, I don't I don't want to get into the debate about whether animals have souls.

But one thing I know for a dead certain fact is that alligators don't have souls. Like if you look at you've looked at alligator in the eye, right? I mean, there is there's nothing there, man. There's there's nothing there.

Okay. All right. Well, look, that's that's your take. And you can have it.

We're gonna get we're gonna get so many emails from people who have like that alligator's who are like my alligator cuddles with me at night. And when I feel sad, my alligator like crawls over and gives me a little polite bite on the tip of the nose. But no, yeah, my opinion is that every animal has a soul except except for many reptiles. But not all I every experience I've ever had with a constrictor.

I have been more afraid of it than it is of me. I can I can guarantee that. I know that I shouldn't be afraid. I know that these are these are animals that have been trained to behave well around people.

And yet when they are on me, I'm like, I really don't want to have to pull that thing off of my face. I think I'm more afraid of most people than they are of me. Well, that's because you're yeah. Yeah.

I think like I think if I walk into any bar, which first off, that's not not not going to happen now. But assume a world where I walk into a bar and everybody turns to me. I think everybody in that bar is less afraid of me than I am of them. Yeah.

Well, yeah. So you've asked the wrong person, Emily, I think that might be the better for the ask. Llamas. I am so afraid of I can't tell you why it's just the way that they look at me, but they do not seem at all shy around me.

Yeah. Now that I think about it, Hank, I think that stink bug might be less afraid of me than I am of it. Yeah, absolutely. Because yeah, that's think bug is good.

That's think bug isn't worried about me. It's thinking about other stuff. Yeah. Stink bug stuff.

Yeah, there's a spider. Actually, I just saw a spider on my ceiling and I am definitely more afraid of it than it is me because it doesn't even know I'm here. Am I the very bottom of the fear pyramid? Am I like the lowest problem?

You just then lied to the whole time. It turns out you are more afraid of everything than it is of you of the fears of pyramid. Is that possible that I'm at the very bottom? The last creature on earth, the most afraid?

No, squirrels. I am the sirens. I think there are squirrels that are more afraid of me. Oh, God.

You know, Hank, I was feeling so bad and I was in such a bad mood. And then I remembered my all time favorite onion headline, last moments of roadkill squirrel frantic comma indecisive. I like to remember that because almost all of my decisions under stress are also frantic and indecisive. Oh, God, I man, I've also had a stressful start the week, John.

Oh, good. I don't even I didn't even ask you how your week was because I was in. Yeah, I'm sorry. Yeah, John Lent.

I'll confess to being a little self absorbed right now. How is why is your week stressful? Oh, it's just begun, Hank. It's like we're 30 minutes into it.

It's just it's like normal, like business contract stuff, John, the stuff that I don't talk about in public because it is both extremely unrelatable and boring. Oh, God, it is so boring. But it's important. All right, Hank, I'm going to ask you another question.

And this one is also of real interest to me. It comes from Rachel who writes Dear John and Hank often when I get spam text messages, they're addressed to Cameron. This happens even if they're from different numbers. But my name is Rachel.

None of my family or friends are named Cameron. Who is Cameron? Have I been renamed by the spam text gods without my knowledge? Please help Rachel.

Or is it Cameron? Well, you may be Cameron or Cameron, the some person named Cameron either mistyped or intentionally wrote the wrong phone number when signing up for a service that Cameron knew was likely to result in a great deal of spam. Well, Hank, it's funny you should say that because in the last 24 hours I have received, I will read you two of the text the spam text messages I have received in the last 24 hours text number one. William, we accidentally surcharge your phone bill last month.

Please, your reimbursement here. Now, I did not. Now, let me read you another one. Now, I love every June, another one.

I got to get there. Hank, no, no, I did not. I didn't know your phone number. We're up against our big end of month deadline and falling behind on the grassroots support needed to fully mobilize.

There. Oh, I promise. Well, I am William and Hank. So Rachel Cameron and I have something in common.

Yeah, you and Rachel have something in common and you're saying I and Cameron have something. I literally don't know if I could tell you your phone number. Well, I don't think you have to tell me my phone number. I think you just have to tell one that spammer my phone number.

You just had to know my phone number on a day when you were being asked if you wanted to join a mailing list and you thought, no, I don't. And then you were like, whatever, I do think of it. No, I would just do my number with one number changed. That's and then that's how you get a Cameron situation with some stranger.

Not me. Okay. Well, this is fascinating though. This is fascinating that somehow they have they've gotten confused between the two of us.

So like, there is there is some like, look, we operate in a lot of the same spaces on the internet. They just got confused in whatever data gathering system they use. Hey, William, our big sale this weekend starts Thursday with hundreds of items marked up to 50% off. That's another text message I received this week.

That sounds, where's that from? Is that local to Indianapolis? No, no, it was they I'm not going to click the link. Hank, I already got hacked this week.

They didn't tell you what company it was. You have to click the link to find out where the sale is. Hank, because you have used Venmo for over a year, please claim your $200 gift card from we from we and then I was able to yeah, I was able to put together that they met us but they wrote we. There's one of the ways I know that that probably isn't from Venmo.

That is weird. I did not click that link. Yeah. Yeah.

So Rachel Cameron, we are in the same boat and I think we're in the same boat for the same reason, which is that Hank shared our phone number against our will. That's what I do. I do it to Rachel. I do it to John.

I do it to everybody. It's look, I got our money somehow, John. Just selling phone numbers to people with really poor grammar. All right.

Let's answer the question. I've still got some computer power. So it's on me. Ava writes here, John and Hank, but one of you, please explain why Jeff Bezos can't give everyone a billion dollars because to me, it seems like that would work, but I'm not very good at math.

This is a great question, Ava. Okay. And there is like a lot of confusion about this to be fair. Like there are a lot of people saying that there are individuals on earth who can end world hunger or who could end poverty.

And this is in no way to take away the unmet obligations that the richest people in the world, I think have to the communities that have so massively enriched them. But Jeff Bezos is very, very wealthy, but he could only make 200 people billionaires. Yeah. And for that matter, he could only make, he could only give a million dollars to 200,000 people.

Now, it's a lot of people. Yeah. So a lot of millions of dollars, more millions of dollars than probably anyone should have, but it is less than 0.1% of the population of the United States. So if Jeff Bezos gave out all of his wealth in an equal way to everyone living on earth, everyone would get about 30 bucks.

So in essence, we've all given Jeff Bezos, we've all given one man $30, which is a lot. I would argue that it's a little bit too much. And I would like to reclaim some of it in the form of taxation. Yes.

Let's move on. John, this next question comes from Olivia who asks, Dear Hank and John, since plants and trees create oxygen, I've accepted that as true, even though I don't really understand it, is there less oxygen where plants don't grow like deserts or the tundra? Love you, live you. Nice.

It's good. I didn't get it until I said it. The air moves around real good air moves around real good and fast. And there are like, there are places where you can see elevated concentrations and they do this like you can see like when that maps that NASA has that show the different concentrations of different molecules moving around the earth, particularly because we pay a lot of attention to where oxygen is generated because it means that carbon is captured, usually when that's happening.

But it doesn't take long for it to get spread out pretty good because there's wind, mostly there's wind, there's all these like pressure dynamics where a high air at the surface floats up to the where it's cold and that causes all kinds of wild perturbations of the atmosphere and the of coriolis effects and stuff. It basically, there's the earth is just a giant cocktail shaker. And the just like when you're mixing a drink, all the gin gets spread out, the oxygen's getting spread out too. Luckily, otherwise there would be some places on earth where you'd be like, ah, suddenly I can't breathe too good.

I mean, we'd also have a bunch of other problems if there was no wind. Yeah, yeah, be huge. In fact, on the space station where there is no wind, this will actually happen. People can exhale a bubble of carbon dioxide around them and they start to get really stuffy and sort of uncomfortably deprived of oxygen.

And so the astronauts on the space station will have fans in there, with a sneaky cubby's to make sure that the air gets circulated. That reminds me actually that the final, I think at least for now episode of the Anthropocene Reviewed has just come out as this podcast is being uploaded. It is about the first work of art made from outer space in March of 1965 by the Cosmonaut, Alexei Lanov. And if you want to learn way more about that space mission, postcode two and the drawing of an orbital sunrise that has become very important to me, you can listen to the Anthropocene Reviewed wherever you get your podcasts provided that you can figure out how to spell it, which I can't even after all this time.

But yeah, it's a wild story, Hank. The first art made in space, very nearly stayed in space. Oh, well, that's a good teaser. Yeah, I poured everything I had into that one.

I was just thinking about why we make art and what we give up to make it and we give up a lot sometimes. All right, and here's another question. It's from Becca. She writes, Dear John, Hank, a few days ago, I posted on Facebook asking if anyone had a high chair I could use for my five-month-old.

My host mother that I had stayed with in 2015 replied that she had one I could have and asked if I wanted her to drop it off this weekend. The only thing is she lives in Scotland and I live in Wisconsin. How do I reply? I asked if I wanted her to drop it off this weekend.

I think you say yes, I would love for you to drop it off this weekend. I would be lovely. Thank you. Thanks for offering to make the trip.

Why don't I swing by actually? No, no, frankly, I think you let that make the trip. Although I'm not sure right now you even can make that trip necessarily. But that's what I would say.

I would say great. Bring it on over. I'm free all day Saturday. I'll be here.

And if you could bring me some if you could bring me some scotch too, that would be fantastic. Yeah, and maybe some haggis and perhaps some 19th century golf clubs. I don't really know what Scotland does. Well, here's here's what you want, John.

You are a real. I remember when we went to Scotland, Hank, like the first time we went like professionally and we toured in Scotland and everybody wanted us drink iron brew and I did drink it. And I think it's wonderful when a community has fried in its drink. The way that Waco, Texas has Dr.

Pepper, the way that Atlanta has Coca Cola, Scotland has iron brew. There's just the one problem, right? We don't have to say that. We don't have to have the physical reaction.

We don't have to. Okay. Yeah, look, I don't I don't mind the taste. It makes my stomach feel very bad.

Oh my God. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, yeah, it tastes fine on the tongue, but then like coming back up four minutes later, it's not great.

It's a lot. Yeah. So just say, I'd love for you to come by Wisconsin. PSI live in Wisconsin now.

So you may not be able to come. But it's likely to hear from you. It's a chance to reconnect, hopefully. There it is.

It's a chance to reconnect and say, hey, I know that it will be hard to ship the high chair, but can you please ship the iron brew and whatever those good chips they have there are and some tea because we have terrible tea here in America. I think that it's the amount of orange food coloring in iron brew. That's the issue because I kind of get a similar stomachache when I drink fanta or orange crush. I get the same.

Yeah, actually. Yeah. And I get it for I definitely get it from Mountain Dew too. No, I can drink Mountain Dew all day.

Oh, by my tummy. Oh, wait, are you wait, are you talking about moonshine? The stuff that you were you put like a $50 bill on a tree stump and come back the next day? That stuff?

Yeah. Yeah. They call it that good old Mountain Dew and then that refuses it or a few. I believe it's the the couplet.

Oh gosh, what I want is some pork pies. Really? Sorry. That's the stuff right there.

You should come. I mean, by the way, AFC Wimbledon have a new stadium where there are plenty of savory pies available. So I'm a savory pie. They have any vegetarian because I'm shiny and less meat.

I don't know. That's maybe Mrs. the whole point. I haven't been able to go.

So I will report back when I am able to. Anyway, that reminds me that today's podcast is brought to you by iron brew. Iron brew. It's it's Scottish.

It's kind of it's like a heavily caffeinated fanta. Spygas is also brought to you by the larger crocodilians. The larger the larger crocodilians. They are less afraid of you than you are of them.

Today's podcast is also brought to you by Cameron Cameron also known as Hank. That's not me. The podcast is also brought to you by Alexi Leonoff, the first person to create art in space. And apparently it almost didn't make it back to earth, but we're not going to find out why.

And so we listened to the most recent episode of the Anthropocene Reviewed. Also the first person we're really heavily selling this free podcast. Well, look, we should probably we should probably be selling the other machine reviewed book available wherever fine books are sold. But Alexi Leonoff also did the first spacewalk.

In fact, he did the first spacewalk about five minutes before he made the first art from space. Whoa. Yeah. Like he got back in and he started doing art or he did it when he was in the space.

He got back in and he started doing art to calm himself down because he almost died while he was out there. Oh, yeah. That sounds unpleasant. It was a little bit of a stressful mission, Hank.

So I remember that there are harder things than getting hacked, like almost dying in space. Yeah. I mean, to be fair, Alexi Leonoff, just to be clear, made a choice to go to space. Like he didn't have to become an astronaut.

You didn't have to start a YouTube channel. We also have a project for us a message from Nicki Satterland in Wisconsin. Nicki writes, hi John and Hank so much my views on humanity, the universe and my place in it come from this community. And it strikes me as weird that this can be the case when you don't know me.

Not bad. Just weird. Our worlds are colliding for a brief moment. And now I don't know what to say.

Perhaps archipelago. That's a fun word. Thank you. Archipelago.

Thank you, Nicki. It is a fun word. And I've always wanted to live in an or on a round. I've always wanted to live on or around an archipelago.

Yeah. If I guess there's like a good grocery store, I feel like I would have been very happy living by the ocean. But I would have been much less productive. And in the end, I made the great first line of a novel job.

I made it to start right there. Well, I'll get to that. I'll put aside what I'm working on and focus on. I feel like I could have been very happy living by the ocean, which is actually now that I've said it a second time, not that good of a first line for an awful.

I like it. I like it. This episode of Dear Hank and John is brought to you by Shopify. There are a lot of things that stand between I have an idea.

And this is an idea that actually exists in the world and people are buying things from me. And that is what Shopify makes easier. When you start with Shopify, the tools, to design and launch and take payments, they're all there from day one. You don't have to build a whole machine before you can start building the business.

And this is important because you also have to look good and with Shopify's templates. You could get a site set up really quick that looks credible and professional without needing to code or duct tape a bunch of different tools together. And when things look real, that works on my brain to be like, I'm doing a real thing. It also works on other people's brains to be like, this is legitimate.

Shopify also has one of the best checkout systems on the internet. It's built to help customers finish the purchase effectively and efficiently without a bunch of roadblocks. Returning customers can check out what a single click. That means less friction and fewer abandoned carts and a smoother experience for everybody.

That stuff gives you confidence early on it. It gives other people confidence in what you're doing. You're not wondering whether the payment system is going to work. You're not wondering whether customers can get through the process.

Shopify handles that foundation so you can focus on the thing that you're actually trying to do. It's really kind of amazing to me that Shopify is a tool that works from the first day your store launches when you're just starting to get customers all the way up to being the size of good.store or dftv.com or being the size of like Mattel and Gymshark. When you build a Shopify, you're building with tools that already work at every scale. All you need is the idea Shopify handles the rest.

You can start your free trial at Shopify.com slash deerhank. Start your free trial at Shopify.com slash deerhank with new subscription only while supplies last until September 27th, 2026. See website for more details. One thing I love about summer is how easy everything feels.

The days are a little more relaxed. My kids don't have to wake up at five in the morning and I find myself reaching for the same comfortable go anywhere pieces again and again, which is why I keep coming back to quince. I often wear either a long sleeve or a short sleeve button down from quince and it fits well and I never have any complaints. In fact, sometimes I get compliments about it.

I was at the airport a couple days ago. I often find myself in airports and someone said I like your shirt and I said thanks. It's from quince. Quince is 100% European linen pants and shirts are breathable, easy to throw on and the summer upgrade your rotation needs starting at just $34.

Their teas are soft enough to live in all day and the lightweight cotton sweaters are exactly what you want when those summer nights cool down. So that's why I'm wearing quince this summer and you can make your summer wardrobe easier by going to quince.com slash deerhank for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada too. That's qunce.com slash deerhank for free shipping and 365 day returns quince.com slash deerhank. This episode of Dear Hank and John is brought to you by Factim.

Imagine for a moment that you are absolutely immersed in some work where you're creating something beautiful or useful or useless and ugly but you love it anyway and you look up and suddenly you have a feeling and that feeling is that it is 2.30 p.m. and that you did not eat lunch. What are you gonna do? Are you gonna get meal delivery that's gonna cost too much and maybe be a bit of a mistake or are you gonna go to the cupboard and just eat several fistfuls of peanuts.

Those are my two choices unless I have a factor in the fridge. You can get smoky barbecue chicken breast with potato mash, cream corn and peppers. You can get creamy lemon pepper chicken with veggie rice peel off broccoli and carrots. This has the fiber I need.

It has the protein I need and it has the deliciousness I need. What about garlic herb roasted barramundi with potato zucchini and burr blanc sauce? I don't really know what that means but it sounds delicious. What about a black bean taco bowl with corn salsa and cilantro crema?

A delicious high fiber high protein meal that no animals had to die for. Any of those can be ready in two minutes. Fresh, never frozen, over 100 rotating weekly meals including globally inspired flavors like Mediterranean and Asian, factor shops, preps, cooks and delivers straight to your door so you have more time for everything you love this spring. Head to factormeals.com slash deer hank 50 off and use the code deerhank50off to get 50% off and free daily greens per box.

With new subscription only, while supplies last until September 27th, 2026. See website for more details. Hank, before we get to the all important news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon, I want to ask this question from Greta who writes deer John and Hank, by the way, shout out to my computer for last thing this whole time on 5% battery. Yeah, Greta writes deer John and Hank, I've seen movies where people start fires using magnifying glasses, question mark, question mark.

I'm a generally anxious person and thus whenever I'm wearing my glasses outside, I imagine the sun beaming through them and burning either myself or a plant. Is this possible and why autocorrect things is a great name, specific side off autocorrect things. I'm great. Greta.

I feel good. Yeah. People can't write your name without thinking how great you are. You get a lot of text messages for great.

Yeah. Hi, great. Since you spent $200 with Venmo this month. Oh gosh, I like that Greta is worried about burning their own eyes or a plant.

Yeah. Well, those are the two things to worry about really. Like you don't want to accidentally start a forest fire because your glasses have such high magnification. I am alive to that concern and then also you don't want to burn yourself.

So Hank, can I start a fire with my glasses? You can but not accidentally. So your glasses are not designed to focus light in the same way as a magnifying glass. You can absolutely start a fire with a magnifying glass.

And if you leave a magnifying glass like sitting the wrong way in a house, you can burn stuff. And so you got to be careful about that. Like if there's a big steady beam of light coming in and you just got really unlucky, then that absolutely can happen. But glasses, eyeglasses, unless they're very like, like very, very strong, I don't think even at any angle could concentrate like that much.

But in general, because they're not designed to concentrate like they're designed to bend it a little bit to correct for the deformation in your eyeball lens. But you can if you really need to, one of the things I have read is that you can put a drop of water on your eyeglasses and you can use that as a way to sort of like magnify the magnification. And then maybe you could use your eyeglasses to start a fire. But look, my plan is if I am in the woods and I need to start a fire to look back at my past and say what giant mistake that I make in order to get here.

Because this is not to see if like something that would happen to me. How did I how did I get here without a lighter? And for that matter, how did I get here? Yeah, yeah.

I it's funny that our father is such a camper and fire builder and backpacker and you know, like lived in a root cellar in New Hampshire for nine months without interacting with anybody eating, eating bird food. Yeah. And we like cannot cannot stomach the thought of sleeping in a tent for a single my god. I'm done with that stage of my life.

Last time I slept in a tent. I don't know, maybe I don't know if five, six years ago, I would felt so bad the next day. It hurts so much. Yeah, no, it's not for me.

Meanwhile, our father slept in a tent like four nights ago, you know, and he's significantly older than we are. And yet as my guests and yet, you know, he was able to like sleep in a tent, wake up in the morning and like go hike another 10 miles and then sleep in a tent, wake up in the morning. He's made of different stuff. Yeah.

Now Hank, I feel like I've been going first with the news for may of C Wimbledon over late just because it's the start of the season. So exciting. Yeah. But let's let you start this time.

Well, China's Rover, the Zhurong Rover has finished its primary mission on Mars on August 15th. It completed 90 souls on the Utopia Planitia. So it's been there for that's 90 Martian days. So three Martian months, I guess, what is time?

But in that time, it's driven across the landscape and studied some different features. It's made sure that all the scientific experiments are in order, taken some selfies, sent back 10 gigabytes of scientific data. And that was the plan for what it was supposed to do. But it is still operational.

And it will continue traveling and studying different areas of Mars while the orbiter that was part of the mission that Chang'un won, that does a global survey of the planet. And from mid September to October, the Rover will have to go into safe mode because of a solar conjunction where the sun is in between us and the Mars and the Mars. And so we can't talk to it. Right.

And but when that's over, the scientists behind Zhurong plan to send it towards a groove like feature that's about a mile away. So it's going to go on a little journey. So it's finished its primary mission, but it is still operational, which is great news. And it's going to keep doing science there on the red planet.

Can you do a global survey of a non-Earth globe? What do you mean, John? Well, you just answered your question. I guess you can, right?

Like if it's it's not an Earth, it's just got to be a globular. As long as it's globular. As long as it seems that seems wrong, I'm going to Google globular and find out if that's wrong. Well, no, that's that is wrong.

But it's glow. No, it's glow shaped or spherical. That is exactly what globular means. Yes.

That's not what I think of when I think of globular at all. Maybe either because globular proteins do not look like Earth to me, but whatever. That is what globular means. I, you know, we started out this podcast on a low and we're ending it on a high with me knowing the definition of globular.

The news for Nancy Wimbledon is discouraging, but also encouraging. So very frustratingly, midweek, we played Jillingham or possibly Gillingham. Scientists are still debating what the town is called. And we were up one nil with like three seconds left in the game when Gillingham or Gillingham scored an equalizer on a ridiculous deflected shot that was just like your sheer stupid luck and what are you going to do?

And then we played Sunderland away from home. And you know, Sunderland are expected to probably win the league this year, although they've been expected to win the league for the last few years and have it managed to. And they're very good, and they have a much higher budget than we do. And we were definitely not as good as them.

Like watching the game, I was like, Sunderland are better. But we were in the game in the whole game. And I think it would have been a nil, nil, nil, draw, except for another ridiculous, you know, once in a blue moon deflected shot that just happened to bounce the right way and go into the goal. So we lost that game and we tied the previous game, which means that after four league games, AFC will then have five points, you get three points for a win, one point for draws, we've had one win and two draws and one loss.

I mean, if we keep that basic number the same all through the season, we'll be fine. And that'll be great. And I would be very happy. Well, especially when that Jillinghame game was should it be all right?

It was very winnable. It seemed very winnable to me. So you had 16 shots to their five. Yeah, we outplayed them.

But then Sunderland, I mean, really did just play us off the pitch. It felt like to me. So we'll see. Well, you know, I still feel really encouraged though.

Like, Are you us all is incredible. I mean, he might be the best player in all of League one. He's just incredible. He's at some point clubs in higher leagues will recognize that he's incredible and he will no longer be an AFC world player.

But for right now, he is he's something special. So it's a joy to watch him. And in general, like, you know, the way that they're playing is much more entertaining and fun to watch than in previous seasons. So hopefully that'll also lead to some good results down the road.

All right, sweet. Well, I'm looking forward to them continuing to play good sports and you getting over there to have some fish and chips and meat pies at Plowling John. Can't come with you even. I can't wait.

Thanks for making a podcast with me. If you want to send us a question, you can do that. We are at Hank and John at gmail.com. A email address that is unhackable.

I challenge any hacker to come and know. No, no, no, no, no, it's no. God, I'm wrong. Please, just please.

Please just don't, you know, like, just this is just because you can do something. Uh-huh. Does it mean you should? Yeah, gosh, that took me a lot to learn.

We're off to record our Patreon only podcast this week in stuff. You can find more about that at patreon.com slash Dear Hank and John. This podcast is edited by Joseph Tuna-Medish. It's produced by Rosie on a Hulsey Hall's Royal House.

Our communications coordinator is Julia Bloom. Our editorial assistant is the book of Farkerfarty. The music you're hearing now and the music you're hearing is by the great Gunnarolla. And as they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome.

Frequently asked questions

How long is this episode of Dear Hank & John?

This episode is 40 minutes long.

When was this Dear Hank & John episode published?

This episode was published on August 30, 2021.

Is there a transcript available for this episode?

Yes, a full transcript is available for this episode. You can read the complete transcript on the episode page.

Can I download this Dear Hank & John episode?

Yes. Use the download control on the episode player to save the publisher-provided media file.