31. How to Talk to Emotional Teens: Validation, Fire-Feelers & What Parents Get Wrong

Raising a teenager with big emotions can feel overwhelming, especially when nothing you say seems to help. In this episode of Trust Me Mom, host Ekaterina Konovalova sits down with therapist and author Katie K. May, a leading expert on teen behavior and emotional regulation.Katie introduces the concept of “fire-feelers” - teens who experience emotions intensely and struggle to calm down once triggered. Drawing from her own lived experience and years of clinical work using Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), she explains why common parenting strategies like minimizing, fixing, or pushing for conversations often backfire.In this deeply honest and practical conversation, we cover:• Why teen behaviors like self-harm, withdrawal, or lashing out are often coping strategies• The difference between validation and invalidation• How parents can stop escalating conflict and start building trust• When to step back vs. when to intervene during emotional crises• How parents’ own emotional regulation shapes their teen’s outcomes• The grief parents experience as their child grows, and why it matters• What to do if your teen talks about suicide or self-harm To learn more about Katie, check out her website: https://katiekmay.com/ 00:00 – Introduction01:02 – Meet Katie K. May & today’s topic01:42 – Katie’s personal story & why she became a therapist03:03 – What are “fire-feelers”?04:28 – Why parents unintentionally invalidate teen emotions06:34 – What validation really looks like (and sounds like)08:02 – Friendship insecurity & clingy behavior in teens10:55 – The parent-teen escalation cycle (transactional model)12:56 – Why you shouldn’t problem-solve during emotional flooding14:06 – Boundaries without authoritarian parenting16:33 – What to do in serious teen crises (running away, self-harm)18:03 – Why fixing your teen’s problems can backfire19:44 – Are you a fire-feeler too?20:28 – Parental grief as kids grow and push away23:10 – When extended family doesn’t support your parenting choices26:12 – DBT therapy & working with teens and families27:21 – What to do if your teen talks about suicide29:25 – How parents accidentally reinforce harmful behaviors31:57 – What’s normal vs. concerning teen behavior33:47 – Why one bad moment can ruin a teen’s whole day35:24 – Nature vs. nurture in emotional sensitivity37:18 – How teens can safely feel emotions instead of numbing39:03 – Final advice: parents go first #TrustMeMom #teenmentalhealth #parentingteens #FireFeelers #EmotionalRegulation #DBTTherapy #HighlySensitiveTeen #TeenBehavior#MentalHealthAwareness #ParentingSupport #TraumaInformedParenting