Skip to content
332: As It Transpired episode artwork

May 16, 2022 42 min

332: As It Transpired

from Dear Hank & John

What grade would we get as an alien's homework? Was your feud over YouTube comment signatures? How do you write an email? Can trees make clouds? How do I make it to the bathroom when the middle seater sleeps? Is it okay to buy used books? Hank and John Green have answers! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [email protected]. Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn. Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [email protected]. Join us for monthly livestreams at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn. Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn

Episode details come from the podcast's RSS feed.

Embed this episode

Ready to play

332: As It Transpired

0:00 42:29
of matches

Transcript Auto-generated, may contain errors

Hey, so something worth knowing is a benefit for the nonprofit organization that makes Crash Course and SciShow Complexly. It's September 16th, 2026 in Los Angeles, California at the Wilshire Ebell Theater. Please join us. It's going to be incredible.

Friends have complexity like Mark Rober, Katie Max, Simone Yetch, and Moore will share inspiring talks about what makes them hopeful and join Hank Green on stage for fun, interactive discussions. Complexly has been creating free educational content like SciShow and PBSEons and Crash Course and Bizarre Beasts for nearly 15 years and 6 billion views. But this year, we have become a 501c3 nonprofit and we're doing something worth knowing as an in-person event that benefits Complexly and our impactful educational media. It's the first ever Complexly in-person event and it's a fundraiser to support our mission of inspiring curiosity and lowering barriers to knowledge building because curiosity builds understanding and understanding builds a better world.

Tickets go on sale to the general public June 30th at somethingworthknowing.com. So come build a better world with us on September 16th and experience something worth knowing you can get your ticket at Complexly.info slash something. Welcome to Dear Hank and John! Where as I prefer to think of the Dear John and Hank Hank Hank Hank Hank, I hate to interrupt you.

This is not how it works. Well there is a flipping level one emergency in my basement right now. Hank, there is a beetle with some kind of pincers on top of it that is just crawling through the basement as if it is not an in-vane just find out about this. Holy snooed.

I just found out about it. Are you in the basement? I have a basement. That's where we make the Vlogbrothers videos every time you visit me.

Oh, it's kind of a basement. Well it's apparently a basement. It's beautiful. For this flipping beetle with pincers, I mean it looks, I can't tell you, I'm just gonna let it be.

I'm gonna let it go and I'm gonna assume that it's gonna find its way outside. Okay John, can I do the intro now for real? Yeah I can still see it. Go ahead.

Okay. And welcome to Dear Hank and John. Dang it. Or is I prefer to think of it for John and Hank.

That's a podcast for two brothers. Answer your questions and give you a surprise and bring you all the weeks from both Mars and A.S.E. One of them. John, I got his friend and he loves spring.

It's just like it's something he's very passionate about. He just like the it's almost spiritual experience for him. Unfortunately it's very bad allergies. Spring really brings him to his sneeze.

That's pretty good. Did you write that one yourself? I adapted from an existing joke about how spring brings someone to their sneeze. Yeah well that is the good part of the joke to be fair.

That is the joke for it. Well Hank you may notice that the sound is a significant improvement over last week. Yeah, Catherine said to me this morning, I listened to Dear Hank and John this week. It was an auditory experience.

I did not sound complimentary about it. I had a lot of negative feedback from people who were like I'm trying to listen to this while I'm driving and I keep hearing what sounds like an emergency. Yeah that's tough. That's tough.

That's a special struggle and I'm glad that you're home for a bit both for your own sanity and also so that we can make a podcast. That sounds nice. Only until tomorrow morning. All right well I'm gonna take the chances we get it.

Yes but I love being on the set of Turtles All The Way Down. It is just an incredible experience. I'm having the time of my life. I'm also just a little bit tired.

Let's answer some questions from our listeners. Absolutely. This first one comes from Sadie who asks Dear Hank and John, imagine our planet is in a glass jar sitting on the desk of an alien child as their science. Hey can I just interrupt you real quick and FaceTime you and you can tell me if you think this is a real threat to my existence.

Okay yeah yeah yeah yeah it's fine. I can guarantee you that. I have never seen as intimidating a looking. It's connecting it says.

Hold on. Oh okay. I mean this is okay. Hello.

All right ready. Yes. Okay how do I turn around the camera? I'm not very sophisticated.

You hit the little turnaround button. That's your four. It's tiny. That's a box elder bug.

Jesus John. And what is a box elder bug? Is that a threat to me? No.

Are you sure? Yeah I'm positive. You can put that in your hand and walk it out of your house and it would not hurt me. No thank you.

He hung up on me. He didn't just hung up on Hank in the middle of him saying it was because they were totally unacceptable to me. Hello John. I'm sorry to have hung up on you but unfortunately you said something horrible.

Which is that I could put that needle in my hand and walk it outside. I mean there's I can't I cannot imagine a thing I would like to do less. It was y'all. Everyone listening.

It's tiny. It's not tiny. It's smaller than your fingernail. It's about the size of my fingernail.

It's about the length of your fingernail maybe. Oh god. It's just it's just still here is the thing. What was the question?

Your walls and your body is a semi-permeable membrane. There is not a way to define the outside as all outside and the inside as all inside and we shouldn't be doing that because we are a part of our world and our world is sitting on the desk of an alien. You're making an extra project. You're making it much worse.

Just so you know. Well yeah I'm gonna tell you the reality of the situation you're gonna have to live with. I'm not trying to make it better. If you're trying to calm someone's bug anxiety don't tell them that their body is a semi-permeable membrane.

It is. That's fine. You know that. I'm not saying whether it's true.

I'm saying whether it's helpful. Okay well I can hear you anyway so our our beautiful beautiful earth that contains many bugs is sitting in the room of an alien child on their desk. It's their science fair project. What grade do you think the alien teachers would give to us as a science fair project?

Sadie asks. A plus. Are you kidding? A plus.

I mean I don't know I don't know what it's being compared to but you got here on earth that has both bats and octopuses which are about as different from each other as I can imagine and they're both like thriving? Well we're. Yeah I mean yeah the only I think maybe the only question mark on this person's grade is letting humans become so dominant. Like why did they design a planet where humans could just take over in the course of like 200,000 years.

I could see the teacher being like wow this is a beautiful really interesting planet. Now these ones. Yeah why did you why did you they now I can't say they're not interesting. Yeah it's like why did you go with this?

Why did you give them so much bug anxiety? As the kids say this one creature seems a little OP. What does that mean? It means overpowered.

It's like a game. Yeah yeah you need to nerf them. Yes exactly. It does feel like it might be happening.

We're so young and promising with our slang. That's exactly right. That's that is actually what's happening. Right now there is a science class somewhere where the Hermione Granger of that class has designed an earth that sits on her desk and the teacher is like listen I think this is great obviously it's very impressive.

Is there any way you can nerf the humans and the student is like yeah I got some ideas. Hermione if you're listening nerf us. But it's the nicest way possible. Can you nerf us in a chill way?

Is there any way that we can be chill we can get us to nerf ourselves. That would go if you could just get us to turn it down a little bit from like an eight to a six. Yeah yeah yeah yeah. I we I would like for the progress to continue but I'd like to have a little bit better handle on it from day to day.

Oh yeah yeah yeah. You know what yeah but you know what whoever's science project this is I just want to say one thank you I wouldn't know just without you. I like existing. And two it's great but I still think it could be better.

Yeah. You know what just occurred to me it is a science project and increasingly it's our science project. Well but like to what extent are we individuals to what extent are we a collective. So is it my science project or am I in someone else's science project.

I think that we're all just bubbles on the tide of empire but the thing is that the tide is made out of us like the tide is made out of bubbles. The tide of the time the empire is made out of little bubbles and I'm a little bubble and but I feel I feel like I'm not affecting the tide but I am. Yep. I am but I am but I am but am I because am I even in control of my own actions.

Oh he's starting to get there. You're only a couple weeks away from being truly afraid of this bug. Have you heard the theory that the speed of light has a speed because the creators the alien who created our universe doesn't want to have to like maintain the resolution very far away. So it's like well let's slow it down so that stuff can't get to them yet.

That is distressing. Well it doesn't have to be John because the only reason we are here is to love and support each other and there's plenty of value just in that and also to be grateful to the experience of existing which in those bug free moments we can be. I like that you're becoming the theologian. You said the words to me enough times that it's sunk in.

It's a big surprise to me that suddenly you're like you know why our creator established a speed limit for the universe and just to be clear I understand that you're not actually making a religious statement. I just like the way that you phrase that it made me happy. Good. I'm glad.

So I'm very grateful to this kid at a science fair in an alien universe who made our universe and just you know slow things down so that it wouldn't be so weird for us and so challenging a computational problem for them. Yeah I know that they're a fan of the pod and I just wanted to say thank you for your work and I appreciate you supporting us on Patreon. Imagine if like instead of them finding the Voyager capsule they just like somehow hear one episode and it says so much about me that I'm like yeah that'd be a good introduction. I think that's not that's not fair.

That does say a lot about you. It does mean you still have some work to do with it. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah totally. You know there's a lot of great media that's created by Earth.

This is up there. I'm sorry. I want to yes and you but I'm unable to. I just think Shakespeare would be a bit much.

Yeah yeah yeah it's like that Emily Dickinson poem Tell All the Truth but Tell It Slant like you don't want to overwhelm them with our beauty right away with Shakespeare. First you want to sort of slow-row it by being like so we have banter podcasts. All right this question comes from Ashley who writes Dear John and Not Hank. John you always sign your YouTube comments with Dash John and Hank never signs his comments.

How do you feel about that? Is that what led to your long standing feud or does John write all the comments and only leave the controversial ones named West Hopkins and Penguins? Ashley this is something that has evolved over the you know over 15 years we've been making YouTube videos but it's it's a way for people who are within Nerdfighteria to know who wrote the comment right. That's what I always thought it as.

Yeah yeah yeah and I do sometimes sign mine and I sometimes and it's only that I forget when I don't do it. I think I'm not like I'm not in the place where or it's my video and I'm like you assume that it's me usually when I'm counting on your videos I sign them and it may just be that I don't comment on your videos that much and you comment more on mine which now I feel like I should learn from that. No you shouldn't feel any obligation to write more YouTube comments than you currently do but I like the fact that the way that we know it's you is that there's no signature that's kind of love way to me. Now occasionally I will write a YouTube comment and not sign it John and I did that recently and somebody replied I can tell this is John because it doesn't have any exclamation points.

Yeah I'm an ex-glinator. I mean it's it's it's the way of things these days we live in an ex-clamatory society. Yeah maybe there should be fewer ex-clamators but they seem like they have a pretty like a pretty powerful faction in the in the politics of the day like if they like maybe if they all got together they could be like a super pack the ex-clamators. Yeah yeah I mean the other thing about an exclamation point though is that it's a way almost of making it clear that you're being nice which is different from what it used to be.

It used to be a way of yelling and now it's almost a way of up-speak like glad you liked the video. Right yeah yeah it's like it's almost like where you're just like trying to indicate to people how the the vibe and the very true fact that if you have a three sentence email and all three sentences have exclamation points you've crossed the line into being unhinged but if you just make one of those a period then it's like oh what a good vibe. Yeah if none of them. If you don't use function in a society this complex is so hard.

Well I mean not that well. It's true. Speaking of John this next question comes from Anne who asks dear Hank and John my boyfriend is currently on a ship in the middle of the ocean and will be for the next few months at least seeing as I'll be in Alaska on a fishing boat in a few days this shouldn't be a problem. I guess I've it's a very exciting life.

However he's currently only reachable by email and my Gen Z self considers email mostly as a place to reset passwords not really a form of communication which brings me to my question how do you write an email anything I write sounds weirdly formal and impersonal and I kind of love this guy so that seems wrong and he advises greatly appreciated currently and I love trying go with the ocean and Anne your life sounds awesome. Well I don't know if it sounds awesome it sounds very interesting. Very interesting. I'm not sure that I'd want to necessarily switch places with Anne not least because our dad worked in a house gone a fishing boat in his story so it did not make me want to try it.

I think that the people of the boat are also happy that we're not switching places with Anne. Oh this is so true Hank like the last thing a group of commercial fishermen need on a boat is us. You being very worried and me vomiting like that. You want to talk about a drain on resources you just got two guys in the whole of a ship vomiting for five days.

Oh lord. They actually sponsored the podcast to keep us off their boat. It's great. Sitka salmon chairs get them today.

Boy we're giving a lot of free promo. Anne writing an email now is like writing a letter in the 19th century and that is I think how you have to embrace it. There is something in here about it but you've got to treat it as this is my chance to write long love letters to my beloved. And then someday if things work out Anne and you end up having a life together you can look back on this period of writing emails back and forth and see your correspondence and it'll be super lovely.

Yeah I mean you can you can you can try and read some old letters because they're available. It's like just like look up you know historical love letters or something and you'll find some examples and like try and get a sense of like what that's like but the main thing is you want to have a number of different things to convey and I think you want to try to do it as weird as possible. So I think that like let go of the conventions that you might imagine on email contains and just basically what you're going to want to do is like a bunch of text messages in a row that you're not getting replies to. Okay I like that.

I like to have a numbered email which is similar to sort of text messaging it where I write about a series of topics each one with a number and then if there are any interesting topics to the person who I'm emailing with they can reply by number if they wish. I also think that you have to remember that when you're writing an email as opposed to when you're writing a text message it's okay to have multiple fronts of conversation it's okay to move from you know what the situation is on your boat to what the situation is on their boat. Yeah and also your sort of thought like your frustrations with the word all that day it can really go everywhere. Your thoughts about a tree.

Listen to a podcast and they talked about our letters to each other and that made me think about the time that you fixed the faucet. By the way you know what Ann won't be thinking about when she's out on the Great Alaskan Ocean and what? Trees. Maybe I'm thinking about how I took trees for granted back when I could see the land.

Oh yes right back when I was a land lover. I remember I would just look at a tree and think nothing of it but now here in the Great Open Ocean I can't help but yearn for the trees. This is exactly the way you need to write. You need to be ridiculous about it.

I think like I love I love a long weird email from someone I love. Yeah my dear is the last weird email from someone I don't know those are not. Well that is such a great observation about the complexity of living in a society. I love a short polite email from someone I don't know and I love a long weird email from someone I do know but I don't really like the other way around.

Yeah yeah yeah both of those ways I don't like them. All right thanks speaking of couples on the move we've got this email from Matt and Alyssa who write you're John and Hank we're currently driving from Washington to Montana. It is raining and cold and there are lots of mountains with lots of trees. The trees appear to be creating clouds.

Are these clouds that they are creating? Is it steam? Is mist cold steam? Are trees warm?

Will the trees mist you? Matt and Alyssa. That's very good right. Oh yeah well more tree talk.

Matt and Alyssa here on land where the trees are. It's totally different vibe from the last question. Well first of all is Steve we're wrong we're all wrong about what steam is. Okay isn't it just water that is steamy?

So steam technically is water vapor so it is water that is a gas and you cannot see water vapor we all think that we can and this is the fault of both reality being confusing and our educations. So like you see like you know when they show you this three states of matter they like show you ice and liquid water and then like a steamy shower on on guilty. Yeah like water boiling off the yeah yeah but like the steamy shower is not showing you steam it's showing you little droplets of water of liquid water in the air. Tiny little droplets mist clouds that's what clouds are there just tiny droplets of of liquid water up in the air you cannot see that stuff when it's water vapor and in fact you can watch oftentimes with like cumulus clouds the sort of like height at which the entirely transparent water vapor reaches a temperature where it then starts to condense out of the air into water droplets and that's what the cloud is up until that point there's still water in the air it's just that it's gaseous water that you cannot see.

So water vapor is entirely clear cloud and also what we sort of see as like the stuff coming out of the tea kettle that's the water starting to condense out of the steam that's the stuff that you can see not the steam itself. So this is a confusing thing about the world and I apologize for it. Now trees do create clouds but they are probably not creating these clouds as my guests trees create clouds because they transpire so the whole thing one of the big things that plants do is they bring water up from their roots and then they evaporate it from their leaves that's a big part of how the metabolism works and that's how they live and that what evaporates from their leaves is water vapor it is then released into the environment where it can then condense to form a cloud. Now the the whoa whoa whoa whoa yes yes yes hit me.

I just want to pull back for a second hey did you just say that that's a big part of how trees transpire is that where the verb transpire comes from is from like the way that something lives. I have no idea John I think that I'm sure that the words are related to each other but it is that is so beautiful. It's the biological term for how when plants like exhale water vapor it's transpiration and so when we say like as it transpired my grandma hit me in the face I don't know why I went there. Could have picked any noun, any verb, any direct object and I went there.

Let's try to as it transpired the kitten ate my finger. What is wrong with me? As it transpired the typewriter consumed my thoughts. It's a thing that occurs it's just a thing that occurs.

Yeah yeah but I love the idea of its core being in the way that something lives. Yeah I don't know let's look up the so it's from oh wow John it is from trans which you know just means like all the things that trans means like a cross beyond or through and then spirare which is to breathe. Oh wow. So it's very similar to it's similar to inspire and it's similar to conspire and it's also it's conspiracy.

Yes and these all come from the root for the word spirit. Oh boy yeah this is good this is very good. The fact that conspiracy, inspiration and transpiring are all related words with different sort of prepositions is very very interesting. That reminds me actually that today's podcast is brought to you by a tree that transpires a tree that transpires the painting ate my face.

Wow this podcast is also brought to you by John's inability to have a sane thought. Why is everything trying to eat? Yeah no man. It started I think it's because of the bug.

I think it's because I know that that bug wants to kill me and it's just thinking about how to do it. John's inability to have a sane thought it's at least a little bit fun. For some of us today's podcast is also of course brought to you by that little kid who made our stupid universe the little kid who made our stupid universe did a pretty good job. Definitely good and they plus this podcast is also brought to you by the exclamators the exclamators the newest most popular political party in America.

We also have a Prandtlk for us a message from Iwanah and Dragesh to the entire world including future generations. We would like to use this opportunity to clarify once and for all that raspberries are the best fruit screw you bananas potatoes are the best vegetables and mushrooms are the worst things with nonzero nutritional value. Also thanks Hank and John for all the good things you're doing for the world. That's very kind.

Thank you. Just so you know the bug is still here. It is just is walking right across the floor stressing me out but thank you for that clarity about raspberries. It's apparently the smell of the universe.

This episode of your Hank and John's Bronte is brought to you by Shopify. There are a lot of things that stand between I have an idea and this is an idea that actually exists in the world and people are buying things from me and that is what Shopify makes it easier. When you start with Shopify the tools to design and launch and take payments they're all there from day one. You don't have to build a whole machine before you can start building the business and this is important because you also have to like look good and with Shopify's templates you could get a site set up really quick that looks credible and professional without needing to code or duct tape a bunch of different tools together and when things look real that works on my brain to be like I'm doing a real thing and it also works on other people's brains to be like this is legitimate.

Shopify also has one of the best checkout systems on the internet. It's built to help customers finish the purchase effectively and efficiently without a bunch of roadblocks. Returning customers can check out with a single click that means less friction and fewer abandoned carts and a smoother experience for everybody. That stuff gives you confidence early on and it gives other people confidence in what you're doing.

You're not wondering whether the payment system is going to work. You're not wondering whether customers can get through the process. Shopify handles that foundation so you can focus on the thing that you're actually trying to do. It's really kind of amazing to me that Shopify is a tool that works from the first day your store launches when you're just starting to get customers all the way up to being the size of good.store or dftba.com or being the size of like Mattel and Gymshark.

When you build a Shopify, you're building with tools that already work at every scale. All you need is the idea Shopify handles the rest. You can start your free trial at Shopify.com slash deerhank. Start your free trial at Shopify.com slash deerhank with new subscription only while supplies last until September 27th, 2026.

See you website for more details. One thing I love about summary is how easy everything feels. The days are a little more relaxed. My kids don't have to wake up at five in the morning and I find myself reaching for the same comfortable go anywhere pieces again and again which is why I keep coming back to Quince.

I often wear either a long sleeve or a short sleeve button down from Quince and it fits well and I never have any complaints. In fact sometimes I get compliments about it. I was at the airport a couple days ago. I often find myself in airports and someone said I like your shirt and I said thanks.

It's from Quince. Quince is 100% European linen pants and shirts are breathable, easy to throw on and the summer upgrade your rotation needs starting at just $34. Their teas are soft enough to live in all day and the lightweight cotton sweaters are exactly what you want when those summer nights cool down. So that's why I'm wearing Quince this summer and you can make your summer wardrobe easier by going to Quince.com slash deerhank for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada too that's qunce.com slash deerhank for free shipping and 365 day returns quince.com slash deerhank.

This episode of Deerhank and John is brought to you by Factor. Imagine for a moment that you are absolutely immersed in some work where you're creating something beautiful or useful or useless and ugly but you love it anyway and you look up and suddenly you have a feeling and that feeling is that it is 2.30 pm and that you did not eat lunch. What are you gonna do? Are you gonna get meal delivery that's gonna cost too much and maybe be a bit of a mistake or are you gonna go to the cupboard and just eat several fistfuls of peanuts because those are my two choices unless I have a factor in the fridge.

You can get smokey barbecue chicken breasts with potato mash, cream corn and peppers. You can get creamy lemon pepper chicken with veggie rice peel off broccoli and carrots. This has the fiber I need. It has the protein I need and it has the deliciousness I need.

What about garlic herb roasted baromunty with potato zucchini and burr blanc sauce? I don't really know what that means but it sounds delicious. What about a black bean taco bowl with corn salsa and cilantro crema? A delicious high fiber high protein meal that no animals had to die for.

Any of those can be ready in two minutes. Fresh never frozen over 100 rotating weekly meals including globally inspired flavors like Mediterranean and Asian, factor shops, preps, cooks and delivers straight to your door so you have more time for everything you love this spring. Head to factor meals.com slash deer hank 50 off and use the code deerhank50off to get 50% off and free daily greens per box with new subscription only while supplies last until September 27th, 2026. See website for more details.

We didn't finish answering the last question John. We took a break. Sorry. We had to take one of those like ad breaks that's in the middle where you like it's like a big cliffhanger you know like where it's like in a true crime podcast when they're like gonna find out after the break.

What's up with this cloud? Yeah. So I don't know what's going on exactly with this cloud. If you're in between Washington and Montana you are in a wet place.

There's a lot of water vapor in the air. And and what's happening is probably as that water vapor is traveling up the side of a mountain it's getting colder and this is condensing out and forming fog slash clouds would be I guess and that water vapor is coming from all over but in part it's coming from the trees but I think probably in a greater part it's coming from just it being a moist place where there's lots of water. What's the moist place and you say it gets moisture? Sorry.

Just can't. Somebody says a adjective place. Yeah you're stuck and then you're like and the ears keep dripping and they don't start dripping. I beg to the rules then I hit the ground slipping because it's a wet.

So I mean of all the things that could have like kind of taken over our collective consciousness it had to be all-star. Could have been worse could have been better. I mean it could have been better. I would would have been easier for it to be better than for it to be worse.

Dear green bros. I accept I suppose. I'm sitting in the window seat of a plane and I need to this is from Grace by the way. I'm sitting in the window seat of a plane and I need to be so badly but the guy sitting next to me in the middle seat is asleep.

I've said excuse me five times and tapped his arm three times and he's still dead to the world. What do I do? Held back while holding it. Grace.

Now Hank this is the kind of question that we specialize in because we are best at answering questions within the 30 minutes time frame. That really needs to be answered. Exactly. Look this problem is going to happen to other people in the future.

And I have to tell you that there are a few different options and they depend on how good you are in acrobatics. Oh no I don't think you can I mean I guess if you're like a pro gymnast you could probably just see like I'm gonna walk on my hands right out of here. Can we talk. Laurie Hernandez follows me on TikTok and I feel like if we asked this question of Laurie Hernandez she would have a way to get out of that seat where that man had no idea that it happened.

And also everybody on the plane was like what just occurred. Yeah no this is not that would be awesome if you are an elite gymnast. But if you are not an elite gymnast you have two options. One of which is to shake the person until they are awake which is your right and I would argue your obligation.

The other option is to hit your flight attendant call button and have the flight attendant come over and say to the flight attendant I don't know how to handle this situation. Do you have any advice? Just like I panicked. You know what I did like literally I have done this before where I'm like okay my goal my goal is to get out of this middle seat without waking that man up.

I'm not going to achieve that goal but I'm going to attempt to and maybe this person is so asleep that like literally in the process of like stepping over there like limp legs they won't wake them up. But I've done that where like that person's asleep I've tried to wake them up I give up I don't want to pee on yourself and so I'm just going to climb over that person and hope that I don't like them up. Usually they wake up and they understand what's going on which is that like the person next to them also has a body. Right I think that is the underlying reason why we find ourselves asking so many questions about plane etiquette is because it is rare that we are in a situation of real intimacy and vulnerability with strangers except on an airplane we are always in that situation or at least almost always and so it's an intense strange thing and right now especially like I feel like we didn't know that much about how to interact with strangers 10 years ago but like I definitely know less about it now than I did 10 years ago.

Yeah and so I think the thing to remember is that most people most of the time are going to understand that you need to pee and are going to want to support you in that effort. Yeah okay. All right before we get to the important news from Mars and ASEAN and I want to ask you this question from John Luke who writes here John and I've listened to all the books that the two of you have ever published except for the unicorn novellas. What?

What? What are the unicorn novellas? The zombie corn novellas? Oh I genuinely forgot about those.

This person assumed that the zombie corn was about unicorn zombies which is not. It's about corn and zombies. It brings together two of my great areas of interest free will and the ubiquity of corn. Anyway I completely forgotten that I wrote two different zombie corn novellas but here we go.

Now I want to go back and thoroughly read all of your books again. I was able to get the father stars for my library sale but I can't find any of the others used. I was on eBay and found hard covers for $3.50 plus shipping and I was thinking that must be illegal or that you can't be getting a proceeds for that but are you okay if I buy them off eBay like that? P.S.

I'm so excited for the turtles all the way down movie trying to be Ryan John Luke. John yeah yeah you're not going to make any money when people buy your books used but you are going to make the thing that you actually wanted which is another person who has read your book. Totally that's how I feel like. Somebody somewhere bought the book which I appreciate and then it's theirs.

It's really interesting that the world's perception of ownership has changed dramatically when John Luke says to us it feels like it must be illegal to sell a piece of property that I own a book. Yeah but I also think it's complicated when it's when it's media right because yeah no I mean but like that it used to be that we we sort of like didn't weren't going to solve that problem because the VHS tape contains Jurassic Park and so you can transfer you can like take that physical thing and say do you want this and now you oftentimes can't like you own Jurassic Park for is for you but not for anyone else or access to it rather than you don't even own it you own access to it right you can't sell your downloaded copy of Jurassic Park when you buy it from Xfinity or Apple TV or whatever yeah yes and we live in a weird time in terms of ownership and I do not know how to navigate it entirely but I do know that if you buy a used book off of eBay I'm good with it I don't get the 80 cents but I'm okay with not getting that 80 cents yeah and also especially it seems like you've already bought yeah that's what I was going to say like to me if you've already bought it buying it a second time I mean if you want to give us 80 cents just go to patreon.com slash dear Hank and John and we'll spend the money on Complexly's mission right yeah but I think what you said is really important which is that what we really want is for people to read the stories and more than that for people to care about the stories and to let them in and give them a seat at the table in their lives like that's what we want we want to be able to do that in a way that supports our publishers and our editors and ourselves but what we really want like the core desire is to share the stories yeah and people readers like John Luke who are who are going deeper who are saying yeah like that so much I want to experience it in a different format a second time yeah really yeah that's my favorite thing when people get the answer to see reviewed audiobook and then want to get the print books so that they can go through it that like that's just so lovely but it's also lovely when people just listen to the audiobook or just listen to the podcast because that's what we're trying to do that's why we make stuff we make it for people John give me some of that I have seen one of the news oh well I mean we're still relegated so that's the miracle occurred yeah like actual miracle where like one of the teams was like actually we want to go down can you go up instead yeah it'd have to be two or three of the teams but yeah so I mean that's that's just the way that that's the way that it worked out for us there has not been an announcement on the manager front except that our caretaker manager who saw us through the end of the season will not be the full-time manager next season and we're gonna have to we're gonna have to try to figure out what to do from here how to be a league to club and who the manager is gonna be that's the I think the first big decision who's gonna lead the club through this first season in league two and then from there we'll have to figure out all the players stuff John do you think I'd be good at that um I have thought about well first off no I don't think I agree I don't think I'd be good at it I don't think Ted Lasso in real life would be good at it but I have thought at times gosh that would be a fun job I know nothing about football which I think is probably a pretty big problem I recently watched some people doing something on TikTok where they were kicking soccer balls and I was like wow they seem like the best in the world and I don't think they were yeah no you can um you can be really really good and still not be a professional footballer so all right well keep us up to date I'm glad that you're back on Plow Lane and that's gonna that's gonna carry forward into a lot of yeah that's the most important thing all right John and Mars news so you may or may not be aware that there are glaciers on Mars that are made not of water but of dry ice so of carbon dioxide that has solidified out of the atmosphere because it's that cold so those dry ice glaciers are at the south polar cap are more than a half a billion years old and for the most part they've been steadily increasing in volume and mass except for a few places where the carbon dioxide actually evaporates off of the glacier or sublimates you want to be technical about it good word another great word but we've been wondering if these glaciers move around the way the glaciers do on earth or if they just sort of like build and stay in exactly the same place if they if they build and stay in the same place the ice would be around 45 meters thick whereas if they float they would flow into deeper areas and then sort of like pile on top of itself so you could have like inside of basins or troughs you could have like a thick kilometer of pure dry ice and the researchers used NASA's ice sheet and sea level system model which is used to watch polar ice caps on our planet in Greenland and arctica and they adapted it to study Mars and found that the pattern of glacier distribution means that they have indeed been flowing wow it suggests that the the glaciers have been moving for around 600,000 years and that they flowed the most around 400,000 years ago but could continue to flow to this day just less than they did at that point so there may be these like deep deep pockets of dry ice yeah in fact I think that that's sort of what they figured out is they can like see the the places where it has flowed into and like away from and into and maybe this is me not totally understanding geology but at those deep deep levels wouldn't the ice be a little bit warmer? Not really I don't think because it's probably pretty insulated um the well that's I was just thinking like on earth you know there's there's all if you go deep enough you usually find water like liquid water right well first of all these are not water ice right so there's no like there's no one that would be melting down there would be it would be melting into um a gas that that would then be bubbling out but down there it's probably not that warm um because it's not deep enough inside of Mars to get to any warm spot because it's not like Mars is not particularly um particularly geologically active so it probably is that they're like down deep enough you would get to magma but it's much deeper than it is on the earth so not a great place for doing chemistry as you like to say not yeah not it's that's not a good place for chemistry to happen there are probably places on Mars in which there might be a good place for chemistry to happen and for those who don't know that's Hank's euphemism for life but interesting chemistry but increasingly it occurs to me that maybe the phrase interesting chemistry is the universe is euphemism for life you know I mean that there's no doubt like if you look at it through the eyes of a chemist that there are two kinds of chemistry there's boring chemistry no offense in organic chemists and all that junk uh and organic chemists as well and then there's interesting chemistry which is the life kind which is just falling it is far weirder and more complex and cool well this little bit of interesting chemistry is gonna go pick up his son from school oh i thought you're gonna go get the oh no no no i'm you don't understand i can never come into contact with that bug not now not ever i can't kill it i can't move it it is a permanent resident of this home okay but nonetheless thank you for pausing with me and most importantly thank you for face timing with me and telling me that the bug was not dangerous you're you are safe you're a safe man not in the long run i like that that tombstone i told you i was sick right exactly we're off to record our patron only podcast this week and stuff where we talk about things that are bringing us happiness in these times thank you so much for everybody for sending your questions the email address to do that is hank and john at gmail.com this podcast is edited by joseph tuna medics produced by rosianna hals rojas our communication coordinator is really bloom our editorial assistant is debooking trucker vardy the music you're hearing now and the beginning of the podcast is by the break on a roller and as they say in our hometown don't forget to be awesome

Frequently asked questions

How long is this episode of Dear Hank & John?

This episode is 42 minutes long.

When was this Dear Hank & John episode published?

This episode was published on May 16, 2022.

Is there a transcript available for this episode?

Yes, a full transcript is available for this episode. You can read the complete transcript on the episode page.

Can I download this Dear Hank & John episode?

Yes. Use the download control on the episode player to save the publisher-provided media file.