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Friends of Complexly like Mark Rober, Katie Max, Simone Yech, and Moore will share inspiring talks about what makes them hopeful and join Hank Green on stage for fun, interactive discussions. Complexly has been creating free educational content like SciShow and PBS eons and Crash Course and Bizarre Beasts for nearly 15 years and 6 billion views. But this year, we have become a 501c3 nonprofit and we're doing something worth knowing as an in-person event that benefits Complexly and our impactful educational media. It's the first ever Complexly in-person event and it's a fundraiser to support our mission of inspiring curiosity and lowering barriers to knowledge building because curiosity builds understanding and understanding builds a better world.
Tickets tickets go on sale to the general public June 30th at somethingworthknowing.com So come build a better world with us on September 16th and experience something worth knowing you can get your ticket at Complexly.info slash something. Hello and welcome to Dear Hi Gaddad John! Doers I prefer to think of the Dear John and Hank. That's a podcast where two brothers answer your questions.
Give you to be suprised and bring you all the weeks news from both Mars and A.S.C. Wibbles and John. You know why? Teachers fart but only when there's just one single student in the room?
No. Because when that happens they're private tutors. Thanks very much. I don't know why that was.
I got it everybody. It wasn't a good joke but it got me. Yeah I've been doing stand-up comedy for the last week so my delivery is very good. That's right your timing and your pacing have gotten better.
So now like are you in that situation that Mike Berbiglia is in where he can like say something to me and if he wants it to be funny it'll be funny regardless of whether it's funny. Yeah that's like it's like a little spell that certain comedians can cast. I don't think I can do that but I am in like take tell jokes all the time mode. Yeah that's great I love it man.
I want you to continue to be a stand-up comic and I want to be your opening act but I don't want to be like a comedian opening act. I want to be like a real downer. Yeah like set the mood. They're like we're gonna have a good time tonight but first but not yet.
This world is not just. No we're gonna start out with the Harvey essay from the Anthropocene Review. That sounds great actually. I love to go on tour with you again.
That would be so fun. I miss doing it. Hey I think I get to announce something today. Oh I know what it is.
I don't think you do. Do I not know what it is at all? It's that the Turtles all the way down movie I think is gonna come out and I'm gonna be at the at SCAD TV. Okay that's nothing that exists.
It's a TV festival. I'm gonna be there with Hannah Marks the director of the movie. I think they named it SCAD because it's maybe at the Savannah College of Art and Design but I like in Atlanta it's in Georgia. SCAD is right close to a lot of words that I don't love.
Where the SCAD TV Fest is in Savannah it looks like. So build the SCAD TV Fest get your tickets get your pass come see me it'll be fun. I think you get to see part of the movie and oh but not the whole movie. I don't actually know Hank.
John's gonna announcement he does not know the contents of the announcement. Dude I found this out 45 seconds ago from Peyton our TikTok colleague. Yeah and she was like are you doing this and I said yes but I don't think it's been announced and she was like well here are the tickets so it's announced enough for you. Yeah great.
Okay and the most exciting thing is that the Turtles all the way to the movie is gonna come out. It's a book that I wrote in 2017 so many of you have been kind about it and generous about it and they made a movie. The movie is incredible but for complicated reasons involving movie studios and whatnots it's taken a while to come out but it's finally coming out. I mean like I don't know if I can say this but John just sent me a link to the movie and I got to watch it.
How was it? It was great. Yeah it's very very very poky in the field. See it's funny in times it's great.
I think it's the best. I don't know I really love it. I don't want to I don't want to I don't want to like pick a favorite child features features a video from Master of Microscopes James Weiss from Journey to the Microcosmos Yes Journey to the Microcosmos plays a surprisingly large role in the film. There's also a bunch of Nerdfighter in references.
There's um I won't spoil the best one but there's one that will absolutely make you burst into tears. Oh gosh yeah all right let's answer some questions from our listeners if that's okay. Yeah I'd be happy to do that. Let's start with this one from a six-year-old listener.
I think this person is anonymous but they wrote in and said why do people have butts? Oh there's a bunch of reasons depends on what you mean. There's two different butts which I think that people people don't get this. Yeah yes there's the part of the butt where the poop comes out.
Yep. And we call that the butt but that's not the butt. That's not the butt. We call that the butt if that's not the butt.
Right. That's the whole. Yep. And then there's the butt which is two big two big lumps of muscle and flesh.
And in your opinion that's the butt. That's what we picture when you hear butt. Yeah yeah. Would you include the crack in that?
The crack is like a donut hole. It is a negative it's a negative space. So like like so you have a donut and there's a hole in the middle of the donut but there the hole is not a part of the donut. It is a shape that is created by the donut.
The crack is a shape that is created by the butt. We're special disagree. Really? What why?
Do you think the butt crack exists? Yeah I think the butt crack exists. I don't even think that's a particularly controversial statement. Yeah well I thought if you asked 100 Americans does the butt crack exist 100 Americans would say yes.
But the hole in the donut also exists. Yeah but it's not a physical thing. Like you can't put it in your mouth. Well I mean if you want to go there I don't think we should.
But I think that bolsters my argument. At any rate I think that the butt is everything. I think the butt includes the butthole. Do you think the butt includes the butthole?
Absolutely. I disagree. No that's part of the butt. No it's all part of the butt.
Everything the hips are part of the butt. The butt extends from the hips all the way back and includes everything in that area. But that's not in any way. That's not helping us with the question.
I can answer the question why is the butthole exists very easily. Yeah no but that's not the question. The question is why do people have butts? Yeah.
So so because if you look at like so you mean muscles to move our bodies around. And as we went upright from being sort of like bent over and walking on all fours. We needed a sort of special set of muscles and the sort of optimal way for those muscles to work looks like a butt. Oh like you would design it that way if you could make us from scratch.
I don't know about that but as if you if you start out with the things working on all fours. Uh-huh. And you you're like okay we need this thing to be on two legs. Yeah you would get a butt.
If you if you were to design that change optimally you end up with a butt. That's interesting. And it is I would argue it is the place where the two legs come together at the top. Right.
And so butts is part of the legs which we've been over this. We've been over this and most of my physician friends agree with you although interestingly some disagree with you. So this is not something where all the doctors have settled in a paper. I had a conversation with some folks who use weights to get strong and they agree that it is also part of the legs because there's there's uh you do butt on leg day.
Yeah you covered on leg day for sure. Now some people have their own special but day but most people covered on leg day. Yeah. Okay this is not you too song is about it you think it's his accent it sounds like beautiful day but he's saying it's a butthole day because it's very full of butts.
God that's you know that's not funny. No it would have killed on stage. Did you use that joke on stage? It killed on stage.
Yes absolutely. You used that. Wait yeah no I had that one in my show I wrote that joke years ago. Yeah and and so it just happened to no John.
No I did not. Okay I was like that's if that joke killed on stage I am deeply concerned about your material that didn't land. I think you might have had the most generous audience in the history of the world. It's beautiful.
I don't listen I don't dislike it as a pun it's just more of a visual pun I think. Yeah. I don't know it's it's not great it's what I'm saying. People have butts so that we can stand.
Did we explain why it sounds different? Oh right I sound different because I'm recording on my phone and I'm recording on my phone because my computer has rejected my microphone and Hank thinks this is part of some broader failure of mind but I don't agree. I think I'm fine. Well I'm doing okay as part of this conversation.
I'm not a Kelsey brother okay I can't have a fancy camera setup with and looking really handsome with my perfect beard and staring into the camera and having excellent audio quality okay. I'm not a min-ban brother all right. I'm not a professional podcaster. I'm a green brother and that means that I'm everything is going to be a little dubious a little suboptimal.
I agree that we're not going to get there with you where we get to have a video podcast where there's good video. I think we could get there but I think we'd have to have somebody come in and install it. Yeah I'd like to have a video podcast with you that sounds fun. Oh well that's great news because I would also love for our podcast I have a video element.
I think a bigger concern is that I knew this in my head but I had never said it out loud that you edit video on a trackpad on a laptop. Yeah how else are you going to do it with a number of tools? I have a device John. No not for me.
I have a device. I do you got that little you got that little scrolling thing now you can edit a vlogbrothers video and less time than it takes you to record a vlogbrothers video but I enjoy my Tuesday mornings. I like I write the video on Monday night and then on Tuesday morning I wake up I record between 7.40 and 8.30 and then I edit for three hours even though it's a four minute video and all it has is jump cuts. I'm worried about your fingers.
I'm worried about your forearms. I'm worried about your repetitive stress injuries. No those are great. Are you kidding?
That's the only place where I'm healthy. I've signed my name 700,000 times. I've been in the elbow. Yeah no I'm ripped.
I'm like a rock climber. I'm like Alex Hahnelt. You know what let's answer this question from Dylan. Okay this one says dear strangers I've listened to talk for over a hundred hours.
I'm a delivery driver for a pizza chain and I deliver to a lot of houses and a lot of those houses have animals and these animals sometimes run out when the people answer the door. When an animal runs out what do I do as a pizza delivery driver? Do I go after the animal? Do I stand there and hope that it just like comes back?
Do I throw the pizza into the house and run back to my car? All dubious advice is appreciated chilling like a villain and hoping to make a kill and dill it. I think you pretend it didn't happen. No yeah you just let the guy go.
Yeah and then if they're like hey did you see my dog you're like yeah I think so. I saw a dog leave this house but I don't know for sure if it's your dog do you think you get real semantic with them people love that when their dog is lost? I think you got to get good at lasso. Oh now that's pretty good now that I'll tell you what if you want to double your tip lasso my dog as he runs out of the house.
Yeah you got to have one of those stiff ropes just on your belt loop. Yeah just pop it off and tchihuahua. Yeah I think you have to. No do you have to say yeehaw when the lasso is exiting your hand you know when you're doing the throat you have to say yeehaw.
Oh there's a law or can you say chihuahua. Chihuahua. Because I think it's best if you say the name of the animal as you're doing it for sure like my dog potato is a legoto roman Yolo which I know that sounds like a rope. It's but that's my point if potatoes running out the door and the delivery driver says legoto roman Yolo and throws that lasso?
I mean, that is very important. Especially if you catch it on the ring cam and you can send it in as a TikTok. Yes. It's going to blow up on Reddit.
And then you've got to be like, look, in exchange for having lassoed your dog, I do need you to email me the file. Right. And then you become a professional lassoing, escaped dog's TikTok influencer, which I bet is a job. That's the point.
Yeah. I mean, it's at least for six months. As long as those videos last longer than a minute, you're going to get some serious ad revenue. Maybe it's just good for the company.
And then you're going to add some value through the dog lassoing that they'll promote you to owner and they'll just give you the company. Domino's will make you the CEO of Domino's. They'll be like, this is the guy we've been waiting for. This is the move.
I love it. I love it. But then you'll find out that you don't actually want to be the CEO of Domino's. Like, I've started out lassoing dogs and now I just manage people all day.
I'm always in meetings. I haven't gotten to use my lasso in years. And I am one of the world's leading experts in dog lassoing. Yeah.
Yeah. I do. I like the idea of turning the dog over into hog tying it. Just like right around the feet.
You're like, and we're like, yeah, right. I don't know people stop. I don't feel the erodeos, but that's what happens. Yeah.
That might have been a Montana specific joke, but I liked it. Thanks. Hey, I got another question for your hand. Okay.
All right. This question comes from anonymous. Thank you, right. So hi guys.
I'm turning 30 at the end of this year. And on the whole, I feel pretty okay about it. I mean, I'd rather turn 30 than not turn 30, you know. But this birthday has got me thinking.
Have most people been 30? I don't mean most people alive right now. I mean, like all the humans that have ever lived. Most of them get to be 30.
Now that I've thought about this, I can't get the question off my mind. So any dubious answers are greatly appreciated 30 soon and thriving. Hopefully anonymous. Well, interestingly, most people on Earth don't quite know or close to.
It's very close. But I'll be like, less than somewhat close to, but less than 50% of people on Earth don't know what it's like to be 30 currently. Which is wild. The median age at the moment is around 30.
But it is going on. Yeah, I think it is definitely going up. The answer to the question is not only have most people never been 30, most people have probably never been 20. Yeah.
I think most people never got like 15. You've outlived the median human. So we think the median human lived to be around 19. Now this is because or could have been 15.
The most common age of death. Yeah. Or no, the most common age of death was always until like a few years ago, it was, you know, between 0 and 5. Yeah.
Or between 0 and 1, probably. Yeah. The most common age of death historically is early childhood. But in terms of how long the median life lasted, probably teens.
Because we lost just under half of people before the age of 5. And then 5 to 15 is another kind of bad time historically. 15 to say 45 a little bit better. This is actually one of the reasons why tuberculosis had such a unique place in human society, classically, is because it was called the Robert of Youth.
It was seen as the disease that struck when diseases weren't supposed to strike. Because it mostly killed young adults, like it mostly killed people in the so-called prime of life. And there's this ongoing myth that drives me crazy, where people say the only reason why life expectancy is longer than it used to be, is because it used to be that like almost half of kids died and now child death is much more rare. Yeah.
Which like first off, that's good. That's a good thing. That's a big thing. Yeah.
It's the lion's shame of why life is longer. And I would argue great. Great. Great.
Like super underrated. That's a good job. Yeah. But also your median life expectancy at age 10 was significantly lower than it is now 20, 30, 40, 50, 60.
It was no time of life that it wasn't worse in every way in 1800. Yeah. No, I mean, until very recently, like within the last 10 or 20 years, the most common age of death for a human was between 0 and 5. And when it switched, it didn't switch to like between 5 and 10.
It switched to like between 80 and 85 is now on Earth, the most common age of death, which is not how we think. Now, of course, there's lots of people dying all over the place throughout that entire lifespan. And there's lots of people in their 60s, 70s who are dying, but like worldwide, the most common age of death, certainly not the majority of the deaths, but the most common age of death is in the 80s. Yeah.
And that's a pretty big shift all of a sudden to have it go from 0 to 80. Would you take that? Take what? 80.
Take 80. I wouldn't have taken 80 last year. Really? Yeah.
No, last year. Like mine first off that was your first mistake. No, because in the. You that's a great that's a great joke.
That's positive. Appreciate how dark that joke is. Thank you. That joke is dark as hell.
But like the most common age of death for someone like me in my country is in the 90s now. I understand. I'm saying like you take a guarantee you take a guaranteed 80 all day because it's guaranteed. Yeah.
I'll take a risk until I have a bunch of risk factors that make it less likely that I'm going to make it to 90. I was also a doctor. I would. I would so I would super take 80 right now.
I would take eight. I would pay for 80. I would I would climb over mountains for 80. Yeah.
I think it would be 80. I think there's a good chance. I'm kind of counting on it personally because I'm planning to live to be 80. And I'd like to go like I'd like you to have a solid two years of mourning.
Yeah. Before I go, I think I think you should lay down in our hospice beds next to each other. Podcast until a Bolivian hits. Yeah.
But then the podcast will have been called Dear John and Hank for so long. People will have forgotten its original name. Yeah, we won't remember either. Yeah.
We'll be like the last people doing, it's like the equivalent of being the last person doing a radio drama in 1940 style. It'll be like 2060 and we'll still be making pawns and people will be like, man, this is amazing. Like these guys still sound like I love Lucy. Yeah.
And the really weird thing is that Leon Musk will actually be a bigger deal than Elon Musk in that in 2016 because we will have created him. I'm going to take the underworld. He created him in a laboratory. And he would be very powerful.
Oh, yeah. Like you could imagine, could you imagine just a billionaire who with just tremendous influence over a lot of humans who just cares about Earth, just wants to make. He's just hardcore pro Earth, but he's also a little bit anti other places. I mean, I can see that going wrong.
I mean, the problem is that no amount of power shouldn't be invested in any individual. And I can say that as an individual with a lot of power, I feel like because I have way too much. Way too much. It's not healthy.
It's not good for me. It's not good for the world. And like I have, what do you think? Like one billionth the power of Elon Musk?
Well, John, you can make it go away real quick. I can't make Elon Musk's memory. No, you can try. Your power go away.
I know I've thought about it, but then I'm like, oh, and all the easy ways you don't come out reputationally neutral. Oh, you mean like I could make it go away by like committing a major crime? Yeah, you could do some crimes. You could have a bunch of opinions that you don't actually have.
Yeah. Ooh, I could try to have new opinions. That's what Elon Musk did. Yeah, you could get a whole new audience really fast.
That's true. In a way, we're seeing so nice. You know, it would be hilarious if I was like, if one day I came on the podcast and I was like, y'all, I've thought about it a lot and I support Milton Keynes. That might do it on its own.
I was trying to remember what economists that is. The worst one of them all. Is there an economist who's left in his keens or something like that? Yeah, John Maynard Keynes.
There's also one whose first name is Milton. Milton Keynes. That's why they came to the town. You were on track, man.
Yeah. Is that why that's such a bad town? Because it's just economists. Yeah, it is actually it's like a planned city, you know.
But so it's an even more of those in this place. John, why don't we make more cities? Well, we planned. We planned Milton Keynes really poorly.
Yeah, but we learned better now and we can build the line. Yeah, I'm in favor of it. John, this next question, it comes from Audrey who asks, Hi Hank and John John and Hank. I need some help with an issue that is more serious.
I'm 26 years old and I have a problem drinking. I know I should say this to my therapist, but for some reason I'm embarrassed to even tell him. When I start to drink at a party with friends, I often, not always, but many times, seem to go overboard. It's heard a lot of important relationships in my life and I don't even know where to start.
If there's alcohol around in a social setting, I cannot help but have some. I don't feel the need to drink all the time, but I know I can't keep this up. If you have any advice or suggestions, I'm overwhelmed with some shame and guilt and I would appreciate any help you can offer. Sorry it's a little sad and dark, but I feel mighty lost and I just want to stop disappointing people.
It's really hard. Thank you, Audrey. Yeah, so I think mental health disorders, like substance abuse, use disorders are often really highly stigmatized, Audrey. And some of the shame and guilt that you feel is because of disappointing people you love.
And some of it is probably also because you're going through something that's highly stigmatized. It's like so stigmatized that you're afraid to even tell the person in your life who you look to for mental health support about it. Yeah, who I literally cannot legally tell anybody else. Yeah, but that's the social orders fault, right?
Not to make everything about tuberculosis, but like TV is the same way a lot of times. Like people are really afraid to disclose their even their symptoms because they know what it might mean for their social standing. And also it is really hard, as you say. I would really encourage you to tell your therapist, this is somebody who can't reveal anything about you or this, somebody who hopefully you can trust.
And it's hard work getting sober, but I will say in my experience, having loved a lot of people in my life who with substance use problems, it doesn't tend to get better. Yeah. It doesn't tend to, you know, you say, I know I can't keep this up. It doesn't tend to go to a good place after that.
You know, it tends to get worse and worse and worse and worse and until you find a bottom, hopefully. So I would just encourage you to talk to somebody. And if it makes sense for you, there are meetings of sober people. There's where you can go and you can talk about sobriety.
And some of those meetings are AA meetings and other those meetings are involved other organizations. But that's where it starts, I think. For most of the people I know and love who are sober today, it happened because they made that commitment, but also because they're in a community of sober people who can share the journey with them. I think you can get well.
And I think you, you know, the first step literally and figuratively is recognizing that you have a problem. And that's where you are. And now it's time to take the next step. So I hope you do that today.
I think that the thing that you said in there is that you recognize that it's had a negative impact on people around you. And like at that point, it's a problem. And like you need to talk to people about the problem. Yeah.
Yeah, but I know it's hard. I know it's hard. I just think today is the day. Yeah.
And if you want to get sober the weirdest way, you can get chemotherapy and now I cannot enjoy alcohol for some reason. Really? I hate it. Every time I have drunk since I finished chemo, I'm like, yeah, I don't, there's a great Seth Rogen joke that I think about a lot.
Where he said the thing about alcohol is that the marketing is so good, you forget that it sucks. The marketing is so good. I will look at a model of whiskey, even having had six drinks in chemo and not enjoyed it a single time. I will look at a bottle of whiskey and be like, I desperately want that elixir of life.
I want that potion in my body. And then I go in and I'm like, wow, this tastes just like the poison that gave me. This just feels like the time I got poisoned professionally. Part of what's so weird is that everybody responds to different drugs, different, you know, and the way Audrey's responding to it, of course, very different from that way.
But yeah, it's so, you know, for, it's so impossible to say no to for people who are in that position, right? Like, and I know it must be impossible because I see what they give up. So it's a personal thing for me. And yeah, it's just, it's hard.
But I will say like there is hope, you know, I know a lot of people who are who have really fulfilling lives and sobriety. So anyway, I wish you the best. Okay, we're going to transition away from serious stuff to Zaden's question. Zaden is nine and listens to the podcast with Zaden's mom's and says, I have a science question.
When the leaves on trees change color in the fall, some trees change color on one side before the other. So one side is orange and the other side is still green. Why and why only some trees since seriously Zaden, Zaden, I have wondered this for years and I hope Hank can tell. I mean, it's probably microclimate.
So it's probably like there is something that is making one side of the tree warmer or making one side of the tree see more light. See isn't not the right word, but like be hit by more light. And there's, I've seen an example of this where there's like a tree growing near a street lamp and the area around the street life is warmer. And so like the tree is like fall is everywhere except for here.
And it's not quite fall here yet, but it's fall on the whole red tree. It's so warm. Yeah. And so I think that's what, and so like if you're near to a building that building can get warmed by the sun and then that side of the tree will feel the radiation from the building, that is when I have seen it is usually do with warmth rather than light.
It's a fire that burns with more heat than light. I don't know what it is. That's a Shakespeare. There's a Shakespeare line of hope that burns with more light than heat.
And I've tried to use that in every single book I've ever written. I've inserted it into all I even inserted it into my book about tuberculosis. And I was like, no, it doesn't work. I feel like you wanted to have a book called more light than heat.
Like that was your original. I did. I still, I want to call every book. I write more light than heat.
I want to call this book about tuberculosis more light than heat. It's a great title. Yeah. I mean, are you kidding?
I'd like to be a great name for a book about the history of artificial lighting, which has been the process of getting to more light than heat. Now our lights use way and produce way more light than heat. And originally they've produced way more heat than light because we were just burning. There you go, Hank.
Now that may be that's my next major project. I'll do it with you. And I'll write jokes. I'll write the joke parts.
I love it. I love it. What I love most about that is that I've only written one book with a Shakespeare title and it sold 30 million copies. And I think if I wrote another book with a Shakespeare title that was about the evolution of artificial light to develop more light than heat, it would sell another 30 million.
Absolutely. It's kind of a funny happy. It's kind of a funny happy. I would finally feel fulfilled.
I would feel like I did something in this world. My psychiatrist yesterday was like, I hope you take some time to just recognize that you have helped people. And I was like, shut up. God, I'm going to take zero seconds to do that.
I was hanging out with a friend of mine in San Diego and her dad is like an emergency, like an ER doctor, like an emergency situation doctor. Unlike me, somebody who actually helps people. And he's a fan of mine. And while we were running out texted her and said it occurs to me that he may have saved more people than me.
And I was like, that's not how it works. But that's not how it works. I don't know what you mean. No, every ER doctor, even the worst one is people from you.
You're a doctor in the first, in a first like day on the job. Yeah. Yeah. You know, you know, who didn't get called into work on March 8th, 2020?
I talked to a guy that's the next big guy on the plane home and he works at a medical equipment supplier. And I was like, so did you work there during COVID? And he's like, I just started. And I was like, how did that go?
And he was like, I lived in New York City suddenly and surprisingly for six months. And I didn't see my family. Wow. Wow.
And I had a four year old daughter. And he was like, what do you do? And I was like, do you want to see my heart? I want to see our analytics on SciShow Kids?
Mostly TikTok. It's like going through the analytics report. And I was like, here's what a PTR. PTR.
PTR. I'm probably best known for telling people not to eat grass. It saved a lot of lives. Have you ever wondered where the candle wax goes?
That's my job. Do you know that corn is a crass? Do you know that if you put a hyper-oxinated fluid into someone's rectum that can actually oxygenate their blood? Yeah.
Yeah. And then you're like, I'm not going to go out of this plane right now. You'd be like, wow, that's a lot of stuff. Yeah.
But it doesn't feel like stuff. Yeah. That's my job. Right.
Yeah. I mostly come up with metaphors to help people understand kind of high school level chemistry. Yeah. Imagine the cars anyway.
The medical device stuff sounds important. Yeah. He's great. It was fun to chat with.
I got a saying to my psychiatrist yesterday, like, the great, the incredible thing about my job, as opposed to everyone else who does some version of my job, is that there's someone in my life who knows exactly how it feels to have my job. Yeah. And I can talk to that person. And I can commiserate with them and empathize with them in a way that I literally can't empathize with anyone else.
And just how grateful I am for that. And how conscious I am of its fragility. Like, there's nothing guaranteed about that. And there was nothing guaranteed.
Like, it would have been so bad if all that fault in our stuff had happened. And we hadn't been doing blog brothers. You know what I mean? Interesting.
Like, if I've been alone in that, it would have been so bad for me. Yeah. I could definitely see that. Like, the parts, especially if you were public on the internet.
Right. That's what I mean. If the fault in our stuff had happened, and I hadn't been public on the internet, first off, the fault in our stuff probably wouldn't have happened. Yeah.
Secondly, I don't know. It would have been more. My friends who've had similar things happen who aren't on the internet kind of did better than I did. But then again, they're more stable.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I, uh, it's amazing how long ago all of that was while still being very present in my mind and life.
Yeah. I know. I look at those pictures of us and we were just babies, which reminds me that today's podcast is belatedly brought to you by brothers. Brothers.
They're underrated. Today's podcast is also brought to you by the negative space between the butt cheeks. It's not a real thing. It doesn't exist.
It doesn't exist. It doesn't. It doesn't. It's not a real thing.
It doesn't exist. It doesn't exist. It doesn't exist. But cracks don't exist.
It's just not a defensible position. Uh, today's podcast is additionally brought to you by the leaves that change just from the streetlight. The leaves that change just from the streetlight more like than heat. And also this podcast is of course brought to you by professional dog lassoing.
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Alice you can come in if you have a question it's actually literally a question answering the podcast. What is your question? How are we doing anything tonight? Are we doing anything tonight?
Do you want to do anything tonight? You don't then we're not doing anything tonight. Okay, I'm going to change it to her pajamas. Nice.
We love to see it. Yes. Thank you for closing the door Alice. Big fan, big fan of Alice.
Oh my god. Listen we get to the all important news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon. I'll go first because my news sucks. Okay.
I don't know if I talked on the pond about the fact that I bought a player in the January transfer window but that's neither here nor there. I don't know what that means but I know what it cost. Well, I guess I think I did mention it maybe but I kicked in a little bit of money to help AFC Wimbledon keep the services of our central defender, Starr, Joe Lewis, who wears the very short shorts. He has the thighs that no shorts can contain and he was going to go back to Stockport County, his home club where he was on their books and he was on loan to us which is a thing that happens in England.
It's just a weird thing where like you pay their wages and they come play for you for a little while but they still belong to the other team. And so they were going to recall him and make him a Stockport County player. And Joe was like, I'd rather stay at Wimbledon but that cost some money. And so we worked with the club to make that happen and now Joe was a permanent AFC Wimbledon player.
That's great. That's very exciting. I also have to say, Hank, that I've heard it myself but I've heard there's a song about that that has me in character. Song?
It's every... Whatever it costs to win cartoons. I know that's exactly whatever it costs to do with work that I told Sarah that she was like, well I hope you're happy. I know I am.
I'm very happy. I was like, I... It's been a weird week for Hank and Chon doing crazy things that their wives were like, I guess. Yeah, exactly.
But it was for doing stand-up which makes money. I'm doing something. I probably made about as much as that cost. Well, actually.
You probably did actually. So I just need to go out and do stand-up for a week. First I got to get really good at stand-up. So anyway, the song is to the tune of Rehab and the first by Amy Winehouse and the first line is, they tried to make them go to Stockport and he said, no, no, no.
Anyway, we played the franchise currently playing its trade in Milton Keynes on Tuesday. We cannot beat these guys. We've never been able to beat them. They're in our heads.
Like it's the fact they just treat it differently than we treat it. Like it's... I think a lot of our players are from the academy. They've played for Wimbledon since they were like eight and they feel the same way we feel which is that it's almost unbearable even to have to play them.
Even to have to engage in this ridiculousness of trying to acknowledge their reality as a football club when they aren't in our opinion a legitimate football club. They bought their place in the football league. They continue to call themselves MK Don's even though they have no connection to Wimbledon. And it just drives us crazy.
And we always play terribly. And we played terribly. We played awful. We were unbelievably poor in the first half.
Then we got two red cards in the second half because we can't control ourselves. Like it's just anyway, it was so frustrating. I was so mad. I don't get emotionally involved in football results anymore, but I got emotionally involved in this one.
I got to the bottom of my darkest self and I did not like what I found down there. We're playing them again in March and I've decided to completely change my approach. They're going to be playing at Wimbledon. I'm going to the game.
That's the first way I'm changing my approach. I'm no longer like pretending this doesn't happen or it doesn't matter. It does happen. It does matter.
We are going to play them and I'm going to the game with my body, with some friends hopefully. Hank, you're welcome if you're available in our second. March 2nd. I can't do that.
It's always a reason why you can't do it. All I ever hear is I can't do that. Well. I go four times a year.
Well, let me see what you can't do. Well, I'm pretty sure I'm doing something on that day. Oh, let me look for you. Go ahead and take.
Thank you. So anyway, we're going to play them again in March. I'm going to treat it completely differently. It is an important game.
It does matter. There is no use pretending otherwise. I don't want to hate them anymore. I just want to treat them as a rival.
A rival that shouldn't exist, but a rival. And we just need to move forward and treat it as a rivalry and beat them if we can. Okay. Good.
I'm going to be in Colorado. All right. That's a good excuse. On vacation.
I bet you do, but it's not as good as the plan in London. Well, I'll talk to myself about that. What's the news in Mars? In Mars news, I mean, there's been big Mars news since we've been gone.
We didn't have an episode last week, so we missed this. But the helicopter, it's the, it's the, if I forgot what it's called. My friend, the helicopter that never stops. I forgot what it stops.
Got lost. We couldn't find it. Oh, no. I mean, we know where it was, but it wasn't talking to us.
Oh, no. It was going down to land and then they lost contact with it. And that could be bad. Now it's got systems so they can land itself.
It doesn't like we need to be able to talk to it while it lands, because obviously we can't many light minutes away. But then we didn't have connection with it for a long time, but then they did a thing where they just sort of like shined communication all around it. They were like, okay, let's just like, it's around here somewhere. So we'll like try and just hit everywhere nearby and it responded and then they found it.
And now it works again. Are you serious? Yeah. I miss all of this.
Yeah. Two days. Two days for like losing contact to getting back. I feel like when you lose something on Mars in the past, when I told me that something was lost on Mars, that's it.
Yeah. Like you can't even lose it for three seconds. It's gone. Yeah.
They did long duration listening. Like it goes to sleep in every place. I love this phrase, long duration listening. That's like what it's like what Catherine does.
When I get over to Santa, I'm like, I can tell you about my whole weird week. Yeah. Now here we go. Everyone, I have an update to the Mars news.