389: Adventures in Polyamory

Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Natalie Davis about how her marriage shifted from assumed monogamy to swinging and then polyamory after an affair about 15 years into her relationship. Davis describes early insecurity, rules for safety, and how communication and healing helped her and her husband rebuild trust. She explains kitchen-table polyamory, living in a “resident V” with her husband and his other partner (her metamour), and the mundane realities of sharing a household alongside dating others. They discuss jealousy, consent, STI awareness, the lack of legal protections for non-monogamists, and how polyamory can require “graduate level” communication. Davis shares that she wrote a memoir, Saying Yes: My Adventures in Polyamory, publishing January 13, 2026, and where to find her online.Note: Natalie wanted to make sure to credit the person who coined the word "polyamory" in 1990: Morning Glory Ravenheart Zell00:00 Welcome to Better Sex00:44 Meet Natalie Davis01:56 From Monogamy to Poly03:33 Swinging After Infidelity06:23 Healing and Rebuilding Trust11:16 Coming Out and Risks14:11 Writing the Book16:38 Kitchen Table Poly19:09 Life in a Resident V22:54 Jealousy and Communication26:01 Dating Beyond the Household28:16 Sex Life Pros and Cons32:47 Skills for Doing It Well35:21 Book Details and Where to Find36:47 Final Thanks and Wrap UpJessa's quizzes are available:The higher desire partner quiz: https://intimacywithease.com/hdp-higher-desire-partner-mistake-quiz/The lower desire partner quiz: https://intimacywithease.com/ldp-lower-desire-partner-mistake-quiz-organic/BioNatalie Davis is the author of the new poly memoir, "Saying Yes: My Adventures in Polyamory" (pub date Jan. 13, 2026). She is the editor of the online publication Polyamory Today, and her work has appeared in Heart Affairs, Discovering Polyamory, Monogamish, and The Memoirist. Her opinions on polyamory have been published in The Washington Post. She has presented workshops on communication and non-monogamy across the United States. A recovering lawyer, she lives in the Washington, DC, area, with her partner and marvelous metamour. You can find her on Instagram, Medium, and her website as nataliedavisadventures. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe